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A Man’s Biggest Fears
One Man's Fear Is Another's Canvas
Last week esteemed actor Laurence Fishburne made headlines for a more auspicious reason than usual – his daughter has decided to do porn. I could feel the heart of a well-respected man breaking in the distance. The man has built himself up from being a stick up kid in “King of New York” (thanks BBW) to being Morpheus in “The Matrix”. Let me rephrase, he went from being commanded by a White man in a movie to commanding White people in a movie. Marinate on that for a sec.
Unfortunately he’ll now be remembered for his daughter’s priceless money shot.
This whole situation reminded me of something men deal with every day – base fears. Actually before I go into that, let me make something clear. No father is happy when his daughter decides to become a porn star, a stripper or anything of the sort. I don’t care how “proud” Bruce Jenner appears on “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, that man’s soul dies every time he Googles his step-daughter. Moving on.
Every man has certain expectations and aspirations for his life. And in turn he has certain fears. Here are a few:
Your Daughter Becoming a Whore
No man wants to think about his little girl having sex. I can’t even make a joke about that. When my goddaughter finally has a boyfriend at 34, I will most likely have my pit bull, a cigar clipper and a shot gun with me when I meet him. Just so he knows.
But, she is going to. Hopefully later rather than sooner and she’ll be smart about it. Sigh.
There is a difference between that anxiety and the fear I’m referring to. I’m talking about the women that take money for sexual favors. Actual whores. It’s a future that can be prevented and something no dad wants to see for his daughter.
It’s an unwritten rule that you’ve failed as a father if your daughter becomes a stripper, a prostitute or a porn star. I didn’t write the rules, I just try to abide by some of them. This is one I plan on abiding by.
Not Achieving Your Goals
You know why men are afraid to get married? Because it shortens the time in which they have to reach their goals. It’s a lot harder to rule the world when you have someone calling you asking you why you aren’t home for dinner.
We’re taught, well most of us are, from jump to pursue our dreams and not let anything stand in our way. Sure there’s a time to hang up the mic and/or jersey, but the real goals never die. No man wants to look back on his life and remember the time he should’ve did the damn thing.
“It’s Yo’ Baby!”
There’s one thing my mom used to ask me whenever I left the crib, rain or shine – “You got your raincoat?” Momma Washington would’ve whipped my behind if I came home and told her I got some girl pregnant. The fear of having a child unexpectedly lives with me til this day even though I know I can take her.
I think.
There’s nothing scarier than fatherhood. And I heard that from dudes that were expecting it. That’s why the image of a woman on your doorstep holding an infant has caused more screams than Freddy Kreuger & Jason combined.
So right now, there’s only one person I want to get a call from on Fathers Day – my goddaughter. She’s also the only person I’ll accept a call from on Fathers Day.
What about you? What are your biggest fears fellas? Generic & personal. Ladies, can you relate? Do women have their own fears? Let’s gather around the campfire & get it started.
No, I won’t go on Maury with you,
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Ladies, can you relate?
^^^Sure can! “Not Achieving your Goals” is HELLA scary for me!
Do women have their own fears?
^^^Unplanned pregnancy, failure, having to turn to less savory means of work in order to live (that won’t be me…I’ll just crawl to my family & kiss their feet to get assistance)…having children w/ someone who you thought would be a good father but turns out to be the opposite (same goes for S/Os), The gynecologist/a check-up gone bad, ish like that…at least for me, those are fears.
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 12:13 am
oh, good post by the way!
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S0_Flyy Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 9:12 am
The gynecologist/a check-up gone bad…
* This wasn’t eem a pronounced fear of mine until I read it here. & I realized that I do in fact fear getting that letter in the mail or that unsavory phone call asking me to come in for a 2nd appt. *wall slide*
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
its definitely not a good feeling…but don’t stress out, it messes w/ all of that, found that out recently!
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Biggest fears:
1. Turning fat after I have a child.
2. Working my way up the ladder just to have to give it all up once I become a family woMan (because logically, it makes more sense for the man to work, and my current career is too time consuming).
3. Not getting certain wild things off the list before I settle down for good.
Yea my biggest fear is pretty much growing up…
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 3:33 am
1. Turning fat after I have a child.
^^^This scares me as well!
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My biggest fears would have to include growing old alone, never having a traditional family of my own.
I don’t worry about success or money or anything else. That always falls into place, but having someone I can stand for a life time…and be happy…well, let’s just say we’ll see.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Interesting fear…You mention how success and money will fall into place. But with this fear does that mean you have a timeline set as to when you expect to be attracted to someone to grow alone with? Would this fear mean you’d do whatever you could to not be alone?
#Noshots. I’m just playing Devil’s Advocate…
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“Momma Washington would’ve whipped my behind if I came home and told her I got some girl pregnant. The fear of having a child unexpectedly lives with me til this day even though I know I can take her.
I think.”
- Momma’s boy… too cute
One of my biggest fear is being a failure as a woman and what its expected of me.
I’m scared of not being able to achieve my goal of being a Forensics Nurse.
I’m terrified of not being a good lover.
I’m petrified of not being good enough to be someone’s wife.
And I’m deathly afraid that the day I change my mind about having children that I won’t be a good mother.
I’m also scared sh*tless of an unplanned pregnancy (don’t want to make a trip to the Dr and spend $475), STDs/HIV, clowns attacking me, and being broke.
Great post.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 8:24 am
I wouldn’t say Momma’s boy, but I do love my momma.
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Man Montana Fishburne looks good and all (minus the ass pimple marks) but I couldn’t help watching it thinking to myself “Damn, this ninja Laurence has to be dying from disgust”.
As much I love a woman’s body, I realize that men hate for their loved ones to be viewed as bodies. As pleasure objects for ‘rival males.’ Maybe its b/c he is a black actor, maybe its b/c I was familiar with her dad prior to my knowledge of the tape. Either way, even my perverted self found sympathy for Laurence.
And she gave the very empowering liberal answer as her reasons why its ok to do porn. Reasons I tend to agree with: ‘it was my own free will. It was a goal I had in mind. I am proud of my body.’ But for some reason, I was still hurt that a daughter got smutted. I always had the idea that raising your daughter not to be prude, was the best way from keeping her from being a whore.
I gotta re-evaluate my plan.
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Fears! Hell yeah!
1. Being a single mom. No woman really desires to carry the load by herself.
2. How your body changes after pregnancy. Stretch marks on belly…etc.
3. Ending up in divorce if I got married…commitment scares us too, plus no1 wants to be a failure!
4. Not getting a chance to enjoy what I want. (Leaving it general)
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FYI Seattle, Fishburne wasn’t in New Jack City. He was a stick up minion for Frank White in King of New York.
Aside from that, No man wants their future or present daughter to go down ‘The Road of Whoredition’.
One of my biggest fear is being a complete failure. Not to sound cliche, but I live by the line in The Bronx Tale. “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent, and the choices that you make will shape your life forever.”
Swing in the face of Failure out of Fear,
-BBW
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 8:25 am
I got my hood classics mixed up. Thanks for the quality control sir.
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Ok… first “It’s a lot harder to rule the world when you have someone calling you asking you why you aren’t home for dinner.” This line right here… hilarious. I can see Superman changing into his outfit in the phone booth as normal, cue camera pan in on his blinging ring finger, then all of a sudden the phone in the booth starts to ring – *eeerrrr* <– that's the rip in the crime fighter music – it's Lois Lane on the other end telling him to get home b/c the chicken is almost done. LMAO. I have such an imagination.
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I fear alot of sh*t. Some of it rational and some of it irrational. I wont touch on the things already mentioned. However, there are 2 things that I fear more than anything.
#1) Early Death – Not b/c I am afraid of death in of itself but my goal is to live forever. The only way to do that is to have a mean legacy. A legacy that lives forever. My legacy hasnt been set yet. Not in my career nor in my family life. I have no kids to carry my name.
#2) Paralysis due to fear is my second biggest fear. There is nothing wrong w/ being afraid of anything provided that you can still act and respond and exist. I fear that one day something will happen that frightens me so much that I will lose the ability to act.
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My biggest fear has nothing to do with failure or not living up to my potential, or any of that intangible ish. My biggest fear is the big C… Cancer. Breast cancer, ovarian cancer, uteran cancer, brain cancer, lung cancer, CANCER. Its frightening to think that even if I eat well, exercise, don’t smoke nor drink excessively, and take care of my body, I could still get cancer. I can deal with a baby out of wedlock, or a divorce. But cancer, no sir.
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Young Cancer Survivor Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
I‘ve never commented on ThreeWays (love the blog…it’s becoming one of my favs) before but I couldn‘t keep lurking after reading your comment…hi I’m a 26 year old breast cancer survivor and I eat well, exercise, don’t smoke, nor drink excessively, take care of my body, AND I don’t have a family history of cancer. It can happen AND you can survive.
I don’t like to hear people write off cancer as a death sentence. Depending on the cancer, if you detect it early then you have a great chance of beating it. It’s challenging but you can make the best of it and continue to live your life.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Thanks for commenting, YCS.
I know cancer isn’t a death sentence. I friends and friends of the family who have survived. But I would be lying if I didn’t say is scares me, particularly breast cancer. Hell, the fact that you are a survivor is proof that it can be beaten!
You’re 26, when were you first diagnosed? I don’t mean to pry, but I am curious.
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Young Cancer Survivor Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
I was scared at first but quickly got over it and focussed on what I needed to do to get healthy. I was diagnosed earlier this year (January 6)…four days before my birthday. Originally, I thought the mass was a cyst…after a couple of months it became rigid, painful and larger. I went to my doc who sent me to a specialist. She did a biopsy and discovered the presence of cancer cells. It’s been a journey ever since.
My diagnosis def opened my eyes and changed my whole view about what’s important in my life.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
You are amazing! And CHeeKZ is right, a real shero!
I pray for your continual well-being.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
you are my new hero.
I drink your health and thrilling comment
**sips on warm water b/c the fountain machine ran out of ice in the office**
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Young Cancer Survivor Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Awwww, I’ve never been called a hero…this warms my heart : )
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 9:31 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You will inspire many by just continuing to live your life to the fullest. Be blessed boo!
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
And keep commenting!
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I have a few fears. But I’ll call them concerns since I’m a G.
1. The idea of being a mother scares me lots.
2. Getting fat (you may call me shallow, but who cares).
3. Losing my teeth and/or getting my face or some other body part messed up in an accident.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I can dig on #3. Plus, #2 is a geniune concern because it involves your HEALTH. There is nothing shallow about fearing or refusing to be fat…
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
When i had my accident, my head hit the pavement HARD and there was a HUGE knot by my scalp, it was very noticable…i obsessed about that thing for the longest & when it went away, there was still some discoloring in that area…i obsessed about that too! Now you really wouldn’t know that i was hit on the head unless you look REALLLLLLLLLLLLY close.
Moral of the story, some scars and the like can go away with time, just takes patience (and i’m not a patient person).
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Excellent Post Sea Dub!
I think thats a main reaosn I want a Son FIRST then a daughter. Need a goon to regulate. lol
Not achieving goals I grip with daily. Beautiful Struggle.
Maury-ism? smh… ALWAYS STRAPPED!
Salute
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As the mother of two black men, the oldest 18 and the youngest 9, my greatest fear is them not living up to their fullest potential, people making assumptions about them based solely on the color of their skin, them having to deal with the added pressure that comes with being a black man in this society, and of course, the most paramount fear of them all…..them bringing a skeezer home to dinner…lol!
Just kidding about the last one. I’m their mom but I can’t choose for them.
My heart weeps for Laurence and Montana. What on earth went wrong?
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