You, Him And…Her?
**Admin Note: The “you” in the title is a female for the purposes of this entry.**
We’ve all read Slim and RCLS’s post on running trains. If you haven’t, get to it. I expressed my thoughts in the comments, but I’ll share again here. For me, the mental image that pops into my head weirds me out for a few reasons. To me, two men doing anything sexual in one room, even if there is a woman between them rings an alarm in my mind. I’ll let you all use your imaginations to figure out what that alarm is. And the idea of one woman getting thronxed by two dudes…just makes me feel concerned for her safety for some reason.
So the next alternative to two suspect dudes and one chic: two chics and one dude. For me, I say a strong hell to the nah to this idea. I don’t have anything against lesbians or bisexual women. However, this just feels too close to walking that line for me to be comfortable with the idea of being a participant. And it just sounds like overstimulation. Like how do you pay attention to what you are trying to do, or get done to you, when something else going elsewhere? I digress. For men (and some women) just thought of this combination makes them get all hard excited. It seems to be a fantasy that most, if not all men have. Some are lucky enough to fulfill it. Others, just keep on dreaming, or watch a porno flick and live vicariously through the dude getting his.
I was listening to Avant’s new album a few days ago, and this ultra sexy track came on, “Out of Character”…
“I need you to be spontaneous (for me). Tonight you’re gonna get out of character. I want to experiment. Take you places you’ve never been. Let me introduce you to another woman. Tonight you’re gonna get out of character.”
And guess what the “experiment” was? Yep, you’ve guessed it: inviting another player to the usual two-player game. Mind you, he was asking his girlfriend. He noted how he won’t think of her differently, and how they would all go out to eat (dinner) first, to make sure she was comfortable. Right. So I started thinking about how I would react to a similar proposal. As I was listening, I was like “Oh hell no. Nope. Not gonna do it.” But then as I listened more like was…wait. Would I do this? But then I came back to my senses. I think.
Are there rules to how one goes about asking a woman to get down with a man and another woman? I have heard that some men don’t want to or wouldn’t ask wifey to do it. Others would love for their girlfriend to be one of the acts in the three ring circus. And I have heard mixed things from women about being willing to participate in a menage a trois.
Ladies, does love play any role in how far you are willing to go to please your man, or can you still draw the line? Or does love little or nothing to do with whether or not you would bring another woman betwixt your sheets? Fellas, is this something you would want wifey to do? Or would you rather do this with this some semi-random chicks? Let’s hear it.
Sowhatiff – Hey, what the hell are YOU doing back there?? – Jenkins
aka
Ms. – No, thats not why it’s called “Three Ways” – Jenkins
-
- Help Us Grow! Subscribe!
lol at the sign off. Umm love or not the only way another woman will be entering our sexy time is via the TV (porn). Call me selfish or whatever but a) i’m not into women sexually and b) I don’t want to watch my s\o perform sexual acts with another woman. It’s just not for me. Now if he has a fantasy or wants to get it on somplace new we can work that out (unless its poking in my no-no place).
My friend’s bf asked me if i wanted to participate in a menage with them and I said no in an indignant way. I told her about it and she said she knew and if she was going to do a menage she wanted it to be with someone she felt comfortable and safe with. I was touched/confused/and weirded out about the whole thing. I still don’t know how to feel about this 1
Reply
Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 9:41 am
LOL @ “my no-no place”
Reply
Cocksman Bka Anaconda Jones Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
if such a place ever really existed,
Reply
Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
March 14th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
yeah i agree…. im def not down with sharing my boo.
but i must admit that i was a little flattered when this chick wanted to do me and invited one of my male friends to join….
Reply
I was in this situation just last year.. this guy I loved and we called ourselves building a future together persistantly asked me to do a 3some (two women). He claimed he already knew one willing to do it. When I continuously said, “No.” He said, “If you loved me, you’d do anything it takes to make me happy.” (spoken like a true PIMP. lol) The first few times he asked, I thought he was joking or only half serious (like Kanye said, “unless u gon’ do it), so I let it go… but when he kept asking and trying to convince me, I walked. I refuse to do it. I’m not only selfish, but I”m not attracted to women in that form. I can get freaky but that is crossing the daggone border.
My cousin did allow her ex husband to talk her into it… the rumor (I never asked her about it) is she liked it so much that she began to desire women (leading to her short term lesbian stint), which ultimately led to him taking his own life. Men shouldn’t ask for it, if they aren’t ready for the possible end results.
Reply
Love does play a role. As in “I love my man so much that if he was adamant about having a threesome, I’d lovingly pay two heffas to give him the night of his life.”
I have never been asked to participate in a threesome and though I like to think that I’m more progressive in my sexual mores, there are still certain lines I’m not willing to cross. Girl on girl is one of them. Even if I’m married, I still can’t see myself getting down with a menege. Watching another woman touch my hubby? Ain’t gonna happen. And he’ll know this up front. Should he get his drawls in a knot, I will refer him to yesterday’s post on Selective Listening and remind him that he knew this from the gate.
Reply
Mmmm, mmm, mm. Why are there so many modest women floating about? Do freaks have a hard time with the innanets? I feel like I’m the only one on here!
So, I’ve tried that. Couple times. And absolutely loved it. Two words for you: double header. For me, not the guy. If you haven’t tried it…..well, you might want to.
A 3some can go 1 of 2 ways (heh,heh): It can be a great balance of hard and soft, aggressive and gentle, fun and fantasy, slap and tickle. Oooor, it can be lopsided, someone can feel left out, someone can suck (not literally)and it can turn into a “when will this little adventure be over?” type situation.
I prefer 3rd wheel status in this situation rather than the s/o. No mushy feelings, no worrying about what my man will do or think later. Haven’t tried this with my current b/f – doesn’t seem to be his cup of tea and it’s not a priority for me. As fun as it is, I can easily leave it behind forever.
I don’t advocate doing anything you’re uncomfortable with for the sake of love. If it’s YOUR fantasy, fulfill it. If he wants it but you don’t, tell him. If he tries to convince you, drop him (looking at you, Nicki! Ole p.i.m.p.). Don’t let anyone push or pull your sexuality. If you have a problem sticking up for yourself, I have some thigh high stilettos and a bullwhip that you can borrow to regain your inner “She-Ra”. Heh,heh.
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Love your honesty Mami!
Reply
Tunde Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Interesting take on things.
Reply
Robin Monique Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I REALLY respect your honesty. And I commend you for ignoring societal mores and stepping outside of the box. I agree that women should own their sexuality instead of surrendering it to the choices of the men in their lives.
Reply
Cocksman Bka Anaconda Jones Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
I think the 3some thing is best not done with you’re girl unless its something she’ll be interested in … other then that, a fuck buddy is the best option for girl no 1&2
Reply
Firstly, I like Anna. I think I’m gonna have to dump all of my e-boos for her (Sorry Nicki and where the hell has Southern Belle been, and u too Ms Jenkins).
Secondly, I would love to but I havent had a girl who was willing to do it. That “if you love me…” line is BS b/c the woman can just flip it and say “if you love me, you wouldnt ask me to do it”.
Thirdly, and more seriously, girls dont let guys dip in one and then dip in the other w/ the same jimmy hat on. Thats like instant STD
Reply
Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 9:43 am
We’ve been over, e-boo.
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 9:50 am
DAYUM. Over just like that???
***Drowns tears in Jack ***
Reply
Back on the Scene, its PEYSO Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 10:13 am
ya gonna have to step ya Jack game up and at least get a bottle of single barrel. I personally prefer the Gentleman’s Jack though
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
I don’t even know anything about Jack, that was just the first thing I thought of.. I’m a Patron shots kinda chica when I want fast results. LOL
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 11:38 am
“Nicki – I got an extra bottle of Jack D. and a certificate to your favorite spa. Let me know if you need an extra spa session with Helga, I’ll hook you up”
Oh heck yeah.. I will take a gift certificate also, stankuverymuch!!!
Reply
I agree with Anna that you shouldn’t be pressured into doing things in the bedroom for the sake of your love. I’m a big believe in if you don’t want to do it, DON’T.
While I’ve never participated in any threesomes with 2 men or 2 women, I’ve definitely been asked to by men I’ve been involved with, usually for the latter of the two.
I’m not completely opposed to the idea. I’m pretty open minded and adventurous. I’ve heard stories about these things going well and going horribly wrong. I think the most important factors would be:
1) everyone is clear on what I am and am not willing to do w/ a woman (while I think women are pretty and even find some attractive, my curiosity only goes so far).
2) “her” has to be my type, not that I’m 100% sure what that is, but she can’t be some ugly broad.
3) I have to feel like it’s about “us/me” and not “her”. There’s this great episode of Nip/Tuck where Christian and Kimber decide they’re over the third they’ve brought into the bedroom. Homegirl got real bold and thought she was gonna run things and steal someone’s s/o… they both literally kicked her out the bed and told her to GTFO! I approved!
Reply
i agree with most of the post. i couldn’t never participate in a mfm 3some. it definetly would have to be fmf. even then i think it’s more of a fantasy.
i’ve never been asked to partcipate in a 3some, but i have been asked to participate in a 4some (mfmf). o_O lol.
Reply
Threesomes are another example of a grand ol time. Women never seem to understand men’s infatuation with two soft naked female bodies, both wrapped in the throes of desire n lust, longing for a sweet multiple release, and only you there to give it to them …. So here’s a metaphor courtesy of the Cocksman Bka East Coast Lexington Steele:
Imagine something you, really, really love and enjoy …(take a moment) … now imagine two of them….
Reply
Semi-Random chicks easy… This isn’t for wifey. I wouldn’t want her thinking the girl eats her better than I do… lol
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
March 12th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
lol @ this logic.
Reply
Avant is a big bama…I have never done a 3some nor do I have any desire too, some things are best left as fantansies, truly, and any dude who gave a dayum bout his woman would not open that can of worms for a whole host of reasons LOL…again Avant is a bama……
Reply
The idea of any kind of threesome makes my stomach hurt. Can’t I just make you some peach cobbler to show how much I love you?
Reply
Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
LOL. Word.
Reply