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My Apologies
The last few weeks have been interesting to say the least. They’ve had their fair share of ups and downs and have provided plenty of time for introspection, which is something I’ve gotten pretty good at over the years. Between laying in a snow bunny’s arms my bed and on my couch, I’ve had the opportunity to dig back through time and figure out how I’ve gotten to the point that I’m at today. RCLS posted a few weeks ago about forgiveness and I figured it’d be a good idea to do some apologizing. These people will most likely never see this. But hey, writing is therapy right? So here goes…
To my mom and dad,
I apologize for ordering that industrial trash dumpster to the house when I was like 8. I don’t know why that trash company seriously took my order. I also apologize for being such a bad ass kid in school and making you have to make all those trips to bail me out of the principal’s office. I mean I was bored and the work was too easy, but nonetheless I apologize.
To that girl I used to terrorize in middle school about her milk wagons,
I’m sorry about that. I’m sure that by now you’ve realized those udders are things of beauty…provided you’ve held yourself together over the years. How are your 2 kids doing? Seriously, I heard you had 2 kids. One for each of those…wait, I’m sorry. I really am. Take care now bye!
To that person I turned into a laughing stock in college,
Ehh, I’m sorry. Though you were off, I probably shouldn’t have blasted you sideways the way I did since the Black community was so small. My bad. And from the looks of it, it appears you’re doing pretty well in life. But should you ever cross me and should you decide to run for office, I still have that 3 minute voice-mail you left that all my friends heard and laughed at. #campaigncrushed
To the girl who I called into the radio station about and made fun of,
I’m sorry you heard it. You were supposed to be busy at work! I guess I’m sorry I made that call too. I’ve been enshrined in the radio station’s list of greatest call-ins ever. And though I apologize, I will never forgive you for the hell you put me through for up to a year after we broke up because you were mad I caught you sliding with that negro with multiple seeds and mad tats. Hope you ain’t still doin’ hood rat things with your friends. #Latariana
To that chick who I broke up with without ever actually breaking up,
Yeah. I’m sorry about that. I did just kinda disappear didn’t I? I was incredibly frustrated at the time and had a lot going on that year as you probably remember. I’ve come to realize over the last few months that vanishing the way I did was pretty messed up. Oh, by the way, I don’t think this is working out. I think we should see other people. Here’s my twitter account (@slimjackson). Direct Message or let me poke you me on FB sometimes.
To that special someone that I made quit their job accidentally,
**Strokes beard for about 5 minutes** Yeah…about that. I’m sorta sorry, but not really. You had a really poor attitude and someone needed to tell you. I could have been more tactful, but I don’t think that would have changed the result. **Shrugs** Have you found a new gig yet or you still living off your family’s money? You take care now, ya here?
To that really really special person that I can’t even associate with anything in particular right now,
**Stands up and begins to ponder. **
After a few minutes, makes a face sorta like this…
Yeah, I’m not really sorry for anything in particular. I thought that I should apologize for something, but then I realized I wouldn’t actually mean it. Per last week’s post, go pound sand you ass dweller.
I really need to get better at this apologizing thing. It’s a work in progress. What about you? Are there any people you want to apologize to in retrospect that you haven’t apologized to already? Are you able to easily apologize? Do share. Do tell. You’ll feel better for it. I know I do.
Apologetically with Indifference,
P.S. That black guy isn’t me in case you were wondering. P.S.S. I’m back muhfuggas!
RSS & Twitter
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Yeah. I’m sorry about that. I did just kinda disappear didn’t I? I was incredibly frustrated at the time and had a lot going on that year as you probably remember. I’ve come to realize over the last few months that vanishing the way I did was pretty messed up.
^^^F*CK YEA that was effed up! I’ve had it happen to me…i’m still salty…though he tried to come back on multiple occasions after 4 months of absence… um, yea, i’m sorry for being such a b*tch to him…but i bet he won’t do that ish to anyone else again.
But should you ever cross me and should you decide to run for office, I still have that 3 minute voice-mail you left that all my friends heard and laughed at. #campaigncrushed
^^^LMAO
P.S. That black guy isn’t me in case you were wondering. P.S.S. I’m back muhfuggas!
^^^I figured that wasn’t you…and welcome back!
It’s not easy for me to verbally apologize but i can write the apologies. So here goes nothing:
To my younger sister: i’m sorry for hazing you for almost our entire lives but hey, the real world is tough so you got to learn early.
To my parents: I’m sorry for not being the perfect daughter…i’ve had my awesome moments but apparently, i was a pain in the @$$ at times so um yea, sorry bout that.
To my high school sweetheart: I’m sorry i broke up with you via voicemail but i had to break up with you before you broke up with me…um, sorry that the chick you wanted to break up with me for didn’t want to be with you once you were single…sorry I didn’t go to Temple while you were at UPenn but it ended up being for the best. I still think your mom is awesome!
To my very first boyfriend: sorry i broke up with you after a week and 2 days but you kept calling me early in the morning & waking me up…it was the summer & i like my sleep…you ended up cheating on every girlfriend you had after me, so i got out just in time…*one time for me*
To my mom’s on and off again: I’m sorry…wait, no i’m not, i just don’t like you and i want that to be very clear, i would tell you everything i think of you but then that would defeat the purpose of this post…#thatisall
I have serious apologies but i don’t want to get emotional and ish so i’mma end it here! Great post Slim!
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lol this post is funny and mildly therapeutic.
-To my freshmen year of college bf- sorry for not telling you I was transferring from UB until the following Fall when I was at SJU. That was kinda skuzzy, but you did try to push up on my homegirl to get back at me so i guess we’re even
-To Jamaican “Tony” (3 of my friends dated “Tonys” so we had to use an adjective to distinguish them) my bad I threw shade @ you twice. I mean I dunno why you wanted to talk to me after I chose another dude over you. I mean i told you if i was 2nd once i wouldn’t talk to that person again.
-To my j.h.s. bully- i apologize for not sharing my snacks with you and the fact that you used force to take said snacks from me and my friend. It’s not your fault your mom put you on a diet and only gave you healthy snacks b/c you weighed 170lbs in 7th grade. I apologize for making your phat azz chase me across the school yard for my sour powers and cheese doodles, really I do. I should have just given them to you.
To my ex- i wish we had met perhaps a few years later when we were both in the same place @ the same time…. but, it was good while it lasted :-*
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Your apology to the parents immediately had me LMBO.
An industrial trash dumpster though? WTH?!
Apologies… *thinking*…
umm….
NOPE. I’m not sorry about anything.
*shrug* At least I thought about it.
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Ohh there are seriously a ton of people I need to apologize to!
To my ex-co-worker, sorry I stole your crush and used you to put me on in the first place, I guess I should feel awful considering the next guy you dated ended up be a straight crazy gansta drug dealing abusive fool. I hope you got out ok.
To the guy who accidentally got a text of me calling him a skumbag, which I meant to send to my friend, I’m really sorry but trying to take me out after your best friend just made me feel all kinds of dirty and I’m also sorry for obviously ducking you in public all those times, it was just kinda awkward but you handle it well because were cool now… I think.
To all my girlfriends who tell me “Don’t tell anyone this…”, I’m sorry I told! But in all fairness I only tell non-mutual friends… I can’t keep a secret.
To the special guy who still calls after 2 years, I’m sorry I never answer anymore but we both know I don’t do long distance.
To my college roomie, I’m sorry, I wasn’t technically on your bed, just leaning but it was wrong.
To my other college roomie / ex-bff, I’m sorry I rallied the other roommates to write that burn note, and I’m sorry for posting it on facebook. I know that line about your father was bad, but did you really have to get school admin involved
I’m gonna be nicer, starting now.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
“To my college roomie, I’m sorry, I wasn’t technically on your bed, just leaning but it was wrong.”
…
Did you wash her sheets atleast? I just let her roll around wondering why there was a wet spot at the edge of her bed?
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
I thought of throwing up when i saw leaning…but um wow!
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Industrial size dumpster?! #ChildrenOfTheKorn
Up and leaving with no notice, yeah all kinds of bad… _to each their own_
Apologies? Hmmm….
- parents: Sorry for all the shit that I -am still putting you through from time to time- have put you through; for not calling more often or seeing you more often knowing that you’re 2 hours away… my bad.. I’ll try better
- brother: I’m sorry that I sometimes am not the person that you look up to. I am trying and doing all my best. I love you kid.
- to the 1st BF: I was young, you were my first, I didn’t know better.
- to ex-fiance: I’m sorry I wasn’t able to forgive you then. But it wasn’t just me. You were my 1st love, greatest lover ever, know that. Hope you’ve actually changed your ways.
- to my old best friend: I’m sorry I introduced you to that nose candy and thizz. I still miss you but wish you’d stop and grow up already. Wish you the best.
- to you & you & you: You’re not perfect. Period. And neither am I. Get off your high horse.
And if I’ve offended you, and unbeknown to me, I’m sorry too.
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aww… Lord have mercy, here goes..
mom- I’m sorry for the times I told you I don’t respect you. For the times I told you that you needed some good pipe. If you wanna have Jesus as your boyfriend, that’s fine.. I just wish you weren’t so d*mn miserable.
Jason- I’m sorry for saying your nickname was “boo-boo” because you were a big mistake. Most of all, I’m sorry for knocking out your two front teeth when you were younger. I wish family meant something to you, and I wish we could be close..
My ex- I’m sorry for calling you on the day we were supposed to get married and telling you we weren’t. Honestly though, you took money out of my account to buy my own ring.Aside from the fact that you cheated on me, I can’t respect that.
To THAT dude- I’m sorry I fell off.. I know I only kept you around for the great bobblehead, and now I don’t even want that from you. I know you think you really could love me, but I think you’s a lame.. I’m sorry I call you that to your face.
God- I apologize for saying you’re not moving fast enough. But you know what age I am right? I question you a lot because you won’t let me know what’s up. I’ll try and be patient. ALRIGHT! I’ll try harder.
Love, your child..
Great post Slim!
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Great post Slim….. now i feel bad cuz i have some outstanding apologies…
To my ex who had to change his phone number, i am (not) sorry i put your number on the seeking trannies to mingle with website….you shouldn’t have called me with your new number, yep cuz it was me that registered it for those funny offers online that you kept complaining on twitter that they were calling you…maybe i am sorry, but you know you deserved it…..
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QueenT Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 8:34 am
LOL! That was clever!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I read this on the train and forgot to comment on it, but that ish is clever and effed up.lol.
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Ummm, let me think.
I’m sorry to Clarence from JHS..even though you had the worse acne ever and dressed funny…I’m sorry me and my friends teased you. I am sure you are really handsome now..and we were wrong.
I’m sorry to my HS boyfriend Daniel (RIP) I shouldn’t have pasted that note on your locker saying “You will pay Black B*tch*..when I found out you were sneaking around talking to Caroline…that was straight childish. But, you lied so much..but, what can one expect from HS..anyway, hope you are poplocking and breaking with the angels….:-)
Please forgive me,
Thanks.
***************
Good Post Slim!
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I don’t find hard at all to apologize. If I did something “wrong” and didn’t realize it, it’s not issue apologizing and trying to be more aware in the future.
My list of apologies goes as such:
-I apologize to the girl in my camp named Regina who I used to call Vagina. That wasn’t very nice, and I should’ve been a better camper.
-I apologize for being the oldest child and pretty much having my life together. It is b/c of this I tend to get treated pretty crappy when times arise where I need help. Maybe I need to be a screw up.
-I apologize to Yan, my ex-boyfriend. I dumped you for one of the star basketball players. And that wasn’t even right. You were a great boyfriend and supplied me with mad Filipino food.
-I apologize to the Hispanic woman in the parking lot of the Pathmark for beating her @ss. Yes, my sister and I jumped you…but you should’nt have put your hands in my mother face. Plus your girlfriend should’ve helped you. But I apologize. It was Sunday after all.
On a more serious note, I apologize to my grandparents for not being as close to them as I grew older. Divorce is a messy thing, and between that and family drama…my mother kept us very sheltered. By the time I was old enough to make my own descisions I kind kept my distance because I don’t like drama. Plus a bit of a disconnect was formed. But I love you guys, just wish I could’ve shown it more.
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Mz Good Heart(SweetCheeks046) Reply:
August 27th, 2010 at 3:05 am
Damn on a Sunday..but hey it was your mother I can’t Blame yo!!!!u
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Most of the apologies sound kind of fake with the exception of LaBkir and QueenT. I guess I am slow today but is this some kind of a joke?
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 10:54 am
It’s a little bit of both. Don’t think about it too much, just go with what you feel.
Pause?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 11:00 am
Yeah. Word.
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BP Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Idk, Nick@Nites apologies seemed real to me. I felt her on a couple actually.
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I apologize to my folks for breaking out as soon as I turned 17. Maybe I should’ve stuck around a little longer and then hopped out the nest. But I needed FREEDOM! ::said like Mel Gibson in Braveheart::
My bad to my family for not being around too much since I returned to NYC. Guess this is a rude awakening that I’m not that 16 yrs old anymore. With that said, I’ll compromise.
I apologize to anyone that got cut with the razors that come out of my mouth sometimes. I wasn’t trying to be a dick, but as I’ve heard I don’t have to try very hard. You were probably asking for it though. That’s no way to apologize. My bad for that too.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
To the last apology…If the razors were necessary then there is no need to apologize sir. Being an asshole is a true art form and should be embraced!
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Gs don’t apologize. Therefore I don’t apologize.
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Co-sign.
**standing off to the side w/ Jenkins mean muggin people**
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Why am I not surprised
Dog, I have never know you to dish out an apology…
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I apologize to my siblings. I know that I really should like all of you more than I do. Unfortunately, you’re just not very likeable people. I apologize that I have just gotten to the point where I don’t answer your calls or respond to your texts with more than one-word answers. I only do this because I know you are a)about to ask me for something (likely money you will never return), b) want to bitch non-stop about your husband/boyfriend who you’ve had a seriously dysfunctional relationship with for too long, or c) ask me how I’m doing, so that next time you call you won’t feel bad about asking for something.* I’m sorry that when people ask me about how you’re doing, my gut reaction is to roll my eyes.
I apologize to my mother for not really liking your children.
I apologize to all the guys I’ve ever given the wrong number to, or just not answered your calls. Either you weren’t taking no for an answer, or I was just being a coward.
I apologize to Dr. Jay for whatever I have done to him.
I apologize to the woman whose heart I helped stomp on as if it meant nothing. I didn’t know you, and the figure your name represented wasn’t quite real to me. I have tons of excuses I could use here, but none of them matter in the end. The result was still the same. Even though he still calls me all the time, I’ve had no significant contact with him since early this year. You still may wanna think about growing a back bone (both of you) and ending it.
To my ex-husband: I apologize for not being as in love with you as you were with me. I’m sorry that I even married you knowing that I didn’t feel as strongly as I should have. I’m sorry I couldn’t at least make it more convincing and that in the end, it wasn’t enough for you. I’m sorry for becoming that nagging, suspicious woman in the end. I knew you were up to something, and I couldn’t shake that feeling. My nagging made you want to do even more drugs and the cycle continued. I’m sorry I wasn’t more affectionate and that you feel that I didn’t respect you as a man.
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QueenT Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
THE REALNESS!
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SaneN85 Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
I honestly don’t know where all that came from, but it’s nothing y’all haven’t heard (read) before anyways. Besides, when there is no direction given at the end of the post, it is open for interpretation. So really, all this over-sharing is Slim’s fault. Good job, Slim!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
I took a humorous approach cuz I knew people would be scared.lol. But yes, this was for the deep (pause) and for the light-hearted.
And as Queen T stated, there is some realness indeed.
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Oh, and to every manager I’ve had at either jobs for the last two years, I apologize for not respecting your authority more. I’ve never been a fan of taking orders from an incompetent person, and I am more than capable of doing my job without conferring with you every 5 minutes. I know it’s difficult to “manage” someone who is more intelligent than you, so I’m sorry about that.
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LaBakir Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
WORD!!!
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Sorry to my big sister…I love you but I can’t stand you 90% of the time. I try but I am just not really feeling you at all.
Sorry to my mom for not having a closer relationship with the sister. I know you and your sister were really close and she passed away at a young age but that doesn’t mean the two of us are going to be able to rock like yall did. I know you want us to be closer but after 30 yrs of this I don’t think it’s gonna change.
Sorry to my clients. I know you aren’t all lying repeat offenders but when I have a massive caseload where 99% of the Defendants are lying repeat offenders its hard for me to believe the occasional exception to the rule.
Sorry to all the girls whose BF’s I was/am creeping with. I know cheating is wrong and although I am not the one who made the commitment it is still kinda shady. But it makes my life so much easier if you handle GF duties for me and I get all the benefits with none of the responsibility… Still, I know that without chicks like me, dudes like yours couldn’t cheat so I apologize.
To my HS Sweetheart – I am sorry that you are still in love with me and invited me to your wedding as you were telling me that you wish it was me you were marrying instead. I know I took your V-Card but that was 10 years ago…please let it go and try to live happily ever after now.
To my College Sweetheart – I am sorry about all the dirt I did to you. You don’t know, and will never know, how much I cheated on you. But don’t worry I am sure I ruined my karma with our relationship and as a result will probably be single forever. I hope I didn’t make you damaged goods for the next woman who comes along.
To my current sweetheart – I am sorry for being so emotionally unavailable and I am sorry that I am terrified of commitment. You don’t understand because you don’t know all the dirt I have done but I push you away in hopes that you will move on. I am too afraid that my karma will catch me if I really commit to you, or anyone else for that matter. Please don’t hate me.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
GREAT GOD! This takes the cake. This is so damn entertaining today.
I thought Nick’s were bad.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Now now CHeeKz. She got a lot of stuff out. sit back down in the chair in the circle and be respectful.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Sorry. I apologize for taking pleasure in watching you deal with your lives.
#EdNortoninFightClub
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BP Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
I just BURST into laughter. People are going to start “monitoring me”…damn.
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
@CHeeKZ – my feelings aren’t hurt
@Slim – thanks for sticking up for me. For some reason after I read this I realized I had some stuff to get off my chest. Thanks for giving me a release
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
Sorry to my big sister…I love you but I can’t stand you 90% of the time. I try but I am just not really feeling you at all.
Sorry to my mom for not having a closer relationship with the sister.
^^^That’s me and my younger sister…my whole fam wishes i were close with my sister…my question is why?
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Nick@Nite Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
Because some parents come from the “all you have is your family” train of thought.. I wish it were the case, but not all siblings feel the same way. My brother is not a person that respects family, therefore we just can’t be close. and he’s the type that will let you believe that you’re getting close, then steal money from you. Or do something to knock you down a level..
I’m running out of other cheeks for him to slap..
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
pause.
no incest.
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
That’s how my family is but its funny cause out side of being siblings, my family doesn’t do so good of a job looking out for their siblings children…my parents do but my aunts and uncles, not so much. on my mom’s side, folks have to have something to gain…i don’t like that. My sister & I are complete polar opposites & therefore don’t get along, that happens…doesn’t mean that i wouldn’t help her out if she needs but i won’t pretend like everything is roses & ish cause it’s not. She causes more drama than she is held accountable for.
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
In my case my mom’s issue is that she & my aunt were like best friends. My sister and I are cool, we speak, we can turn to eachother in times of need, etc. we just don’t really “like” eaachother. The feeling is def mutual but it drives my mom crazy & she ALWAYS brings it up.
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
I don’t really speak with my sister like that, part of it is because there is some sort of drama that will ensue. The second to last time we were around each other, she puffed out her chest in front of her girlfriend & jumped stupid with me…you think either one of our parents checked her…nope but i was the bad guy. I will help her if she is in dire straits and she more than likely would do the same for me. My mom & her sisters aren’t like best friends & one recently cussed my mom out…yea, i’m not a fan of that aunt…
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Slim, this post was too funny. I like how some people on here have taken the apologies to heart and have gotten some rather interesting apologies off their chests.
I’m not one to apologize if I feel I haven’t done anything wrong, however if I have wronged you in some way and you have VALID proof of such wrong, then I will own up to it and give you said apology. Then I move on and try to be more aware.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 1:43 pm
lol at the valid proof. That’s really subjective unless it’s printed out or bagged and locked in evidence.
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slim- i hate you for this post. it made me laugh out loud in class.
That being said-
To my ex- sorry I got in a relationship with you before I was ready and had to end it based off stupid rules.
To my hs ex- sorry I broke up with you 2 days after having you over for thanksgiving dinner… while another man was texting me… and I was rushing you out the car.
To my friends- sorry I don’t call often (or answer your calls often)… not that I don’t love yal but a sister is back in school. Catch yal after Mass.
To my former best friend- you suck. i’ll be awaiting YOUR apology- but we still won’t be friends. ever. and that was the worse happy birthday in the history of happy birthdays. I hope you catch salmonella (but just enough to get ridiculously sick).
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Ya love me.
I feel like you told me one of these stories in person…maybe 2.lol.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
I remember the ex-boyfreind in the car story. She laughed at him while he cried.
SMH
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Little Miss Sunshine Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:25 pm
I didn’t laugh Cheekz! I just wasn’t concerned/convinced by his tears.
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:35 pm
i do too…that was funny, wrong but funny! lol
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I am scared to put up my apologies…maybe I need to change my avatar since that is a real pic of me and I’d die if someone in my “real” life recognizes it as me. I am such a chicken.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
I can’t even see you…just an outline.lol. and I think a lot of other people felt that way today.
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QueenT Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Seriously, I can’t even see you..go on and get those apologies out! LOL!
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SaneN85 Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Ditto. If someone were actually able to identify you from some vague outline, they need to be working for some secret government agency.
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BP Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
I have used this pic for more than one occasion, someone could recognize it. But enough excuses…here I go….
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I apologize for taking so much joy in today’s post. I know its wrong to judge, but being around so much drama is entertaining and better than any reality show. I hope I didn’t scare anyone for sharing…
I apologize to Slim… b/c I still have the recording of the time he called the radio station and completely OD’d. It is tuck deep away in my files, but I still have it.
I would like to tell Jesus I’m sorry. Even if I don’t believe in you, you aren’t a bad guy and had some worth while lessons to teach. All that crap that has happened in your name isn’t your fault. You are ok with me Pimp.
I apologize to every girl I have ever lied to and say i had feelings for even though I just wanted to smash. I apologize for telling home girl I was never with her line sister just to a I could take her down.
I apologize to every girl who ever sent my NSFW pics that I than immediately hit the forward button.
I apologize for keeping such detail records of who messed with who just to better serve me and my teams thirst for beats.
I’m sorry for ruining one of my mentor’s relationship just b/c of a silly game of dozens and completely violating the trust of my friend. But no one snaps and me and lives to tell about it. But I didn’t have to tell the whole campus some SO personal.
Every girl from JHS who was above a B-. I’m sorry.
To my third grade Elementary school teacher. I’m sorry for calling you flat chested.
To my 7th grade Music Teacher. Sorry for calling you a slut.
To that Haitian girl in 7th grade, sorry that I said it smelled between your legs. Truth is your whole body smelled.
Wow. It actually feels good to get this all off my chest.
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
“To my third grade Elementary school teacher. I’m sorry for calling you flat chested.”
LMAO!! This almost made me spit out my coke.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
“To that Haitian girl in 7th grade, sorry that I said it smelled between your legs. Truth is your whole body smelled. ”
LMAO!
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
OMG! #SLAIN
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I apologizeto Iota Phi Theta Fraternity Inc for the constant countless number of Twitter roasts ive directed at you. Although 99% of the world is #OlderThanTheIotas, there’s no reason for me to glorify it. One day, your founders and I should meet up for drink and talk about our favorite Dolemite flick.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
#sowrong
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:09 pm
LMAO! **dead**
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
ROTFLMAO! I.Hate.Chu…#Done
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To the bully in the 4th grade: I’m sorry for laughing at you while you read in class because you had a stuttering problem. How was I suppose to know what a speech impedement was at 9?! I’m sorry for informing our fellow classmates that your mother didn’t know who or where your dad was at the time. I had to defend my culture for the “African Booty Scratcher” references. He let his fists talk and I just my words **Shrug**
To the 2 devoted women I dealt with in college: I’m sorry for turning you both down. You can’t ask a 20-21 year old male to be the possible future husband & father of your unborn kids. I was humbled but I just couldn’t. Sorry for laughing and not taking either of you seriously.
To my past Latin women: I’m sorry I never embraced your culture and never learned some spanish. My demands to be spoken to in English was a little much. Lo siento…
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
LMAO!!
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I apologize to my Mom that I don’t always respect you. However, I think that you are so much better than being a “trophy-stay-at-home-wife”.
I apologize to my co-worker for acting like I like you when I really don’t. I think you are a simpassb*tch and wonder how you breathe with all that sh*t you have smeared on your face.
I apologize to my ex for not loving you. But you got me back didn’t you? I still daydream about torching your house.
I apologize to ex-fiance #1 for cheating on you. I USED to think monogamy wasn’t natural and you are such a good dude. I too am scared that karma is going to come back for doing you wrong.
I apologize to Mr. NFL for letting you think you were my dreams come true. Truth is I have seen gerbils with bigger penises but I am sorry I should have broken things off face-to-face versus email.
I apologize to my current SO. I hate your dog and I don’t trust your Mom. I think she would still breast feed you if she could.
I apologize to myself for second guessing myself. Its called intuition for a reason BP get it together.
That felt good!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
There ya go! For the win and for the relief! Yess!!
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Truth is I have seen gerbils with bigger penises
^^^REALLY THOUGH?! #Buried
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BP Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
Yes girl, it was so small. Someone should tell him he has no need to wear a cup!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Ouch. I’m glad I got a jungle jawn in my jeans.
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
quite bragging Slim! lol
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
well…damn…=0/
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QueenT Reply:
August 26th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
That a girl!! LOL!
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Damn today felt like an eff em friday. Instead of letting out a week’s stress we let out a lifetimes worth.
Great post Slim.
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