Go Do You then Come Do Me
Pause.
Unless you live under a rock 40 million leagues under the sea, you’ve heard about Steve McNair (36) and his girlfriend gettin’ bodied . As soon as I read the story and found out the chick was 20, I knew it was a murder-suicide. Of course it took a few days to flush it out. But within that time, I’ve read a lot of comments and tweets hintin’ that the man was married with children and slidin’ off which makes him an example of what’s wrong with America…and also meant he got what he deserved. I’d take that more seriously if it was his wife that did the point and click.
Quite honestly, there’s a lot more wrong with America than the fact a former professional athlete appeared to be slidin’ off on his wife. Tell me sumthin’ new. Please. And I’m not talkin’ about movies where Black women decide to date White men. And personally, I don’t believe that my fraternal brethren was creepin’. As one of my Gchat gangstas (Ms. Pockets) eloquently pointed out:
His wife knew what was up. She didn’t report him missing, so she knew he was somewhere. Just another case of an “arrangement”.
Ah yes, the I’ma star arrangement that so many male and a few female celebrities get to enjoy as long as they give the husband wifey the kids (no pun), the crib, some whips, and some D. Even male celebs married to celeb women get the rights to sample extramarital bunz. Will Smith anybody? Jada lets the man pursue his happiness elsewhere and everyday is Independence Day…from what I hear.
But what about the rest of us who aren’t celebrities or filthy rich and never will be? Can we legitimately enjoy these types of “arrangements” and not feel like we’re gettin’ sloppy seconds from our significant others? Apparently, some of us can. Does the chick dating the starting quarterback or campus pretty boy that clearly takes down body after body not figure that “her man” isn’t out there gettin’ his piston on with his pistol out? What does she get for this? The esteem that comes with dating “that guy”. Yeah, I know. It’s as immature as the chick McNair chose to date. Transfer this to post college situations as well. I’d give examples but I don’t want to eff up anybody’s life.
But what about in other relationships? I don’t think I’d evverrrr reap the benefits of such an “arrangement” regardless of my salary. I wouldn’t even wanna be with a woman who was comfortable with me doin’ that. Why? 1. That means she’s with me for sumthin’ other than me. 2. No other man’s piece needs to be nestled between her walls within 6-8 months at least I’d like to think of me smashing making sweet sweet love to her.
Some of my friends feel the same way (Emphasis on some). It takes a certain type of person to allow their significant other to go and have sex with other people while they sit at home, or consider goin’ and havin’ sex with other people themselves. Honestly, I think the people are better to slide off on each other than to openly have such an arrangement. That’s just me. I’m a territorial a$$ dude and I’ll be damned if I’ma come in the crib and be like “So honey, how was Jerome’s d*ck tonight? Any tricks I might be able to add to the arsenal?” Puh-lease. What type of sucka do I look like?
So I’m wondering now. What do people think of these “arrangements”? What other celebs have them? Would you or have you ever have/had one of these situations? Is it an issue of greed, selfishness, or self-esteem? Let me know what’s on your mind. Don’t let my questions stop you.
My boo would throw me like a discus into lava if I even asked for an arrangement,
30 Responses to “Go Do You then Come Do Me”
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I think people who are okay with an “arrangement” have self esteem issues. Seriously, why would you ever be okay with someone not putting you first?
What makes it so easy is some women truly believe that a man is better than no man at all. A chick once said this to me… she thought what she was doing was somehow better than my techique bc, “she had men and I did not.” lol. I told her that may be true, but I sleep peaceful at night.
If a man asked me to do it, he’d get a stiletto in the nuts STAT. I don’t play those kind of games. I am loyal as hell and I need my man to be also. “This is a secret society, all we ask is trust.”
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J Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 9:20 am
I completely agree Nicki. Who enters into a relationship to get put second? I can’t swing it. Plus if you know you like variety…why get married? You’ve got money, possibly fame…get your George Clooney on and keep it movin…
But whether I’m rich/famous or not…they’ll be no “arrangements”. If I come home and another cat has been up in the goods… That’ll be the last time I’m comin home.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 9:32 am
“Plus if you know you like variety…why get married? You’ve got money, possibly fame…get your George Clooney on and keep it movin…”
My sentiments exactly. No one has MADE you get married, so don’t do it!!!!
BTW, I checked out your blog. It’s good stuff.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 9:35 am
I agree completely with you both and even if the wife did know tho, does it make that “arrangement” right???
Again just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should, and that covers ALOT..please believe.
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CHeeKZ aint stupid enough to ask Cheekie for an e-rrangement Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 9:49 am
“but I sleep peaceful at night. ”
Um … but so does she. Its all relative. If she is fine with something why should people on the internet judge her.
This type of arrangement isn’t possible with my wifey. But I’m not going to front like it wouldn’t be a dream come true! However the stereotypical type of women that allows for this behavior usually lacks in the character department. But that is a stereotype, Jada clearly doesn’t fit that bill!
I’m not comfortable saying all women who allow this don’t have the personality chops to be with me. However I will say MY woman (and e-woman) has the personality chops and she doesn’t allow for these shananigans.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 10:45 am
She really didn’t sleep well at night. lol. She was always calling me B*tching.
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MaPockets Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
“I am loyal as hell and I need my man to be also.”
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Yessssssssssssssssssssssss. I could not agree more.
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What do people think of these “arrangements”? What other celebs have them? Would you or have you ever have/had one of these situations? Is it an issue of greed, selfishness, or self-esteem?
Well for starters these so called “arrangements” are ok with me if both parties knew about the situation beforehand however in most cases I find that it is an issue of greed (defined as an excessive desire to acquire or possess more, especially more material wealth, than one needs or deserves; personified as one of the deadly sins). People want to have their cake and eat it too! Just think, when you buy a new pair of shoes or kicks, you eventually want another pair even though the one’s you have may still be in good shape and look great. Or ladies, lets say you buy a new bag or pair of shoes, knowing damn well it cost too much, however a few hours, days, weeks later, you’re out trying to shop again and “keep up w/the latest trend”, basically trying to follow what everyone else is doing. That’s also part of the problem! We no longer have any real “LEADERS” so therefore everyone is following the status quo of what a they are “supposed” to be like instead of doing what they know in their hearts and minds is the correct thing to do. As long as everyone is caught up in the matrix and doped up on drugs, reality tv, the latest soldier boy dances, and putting black men in jail for dog fighting, this unfortunate type of behavior will continue and steadily get worse. That’s my two cents…
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Brookland's OWn Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 8:19 am
O, and I also heard somewhere that “to whom much is given, much is required” however with all these so called “STARS” and “POLITICIANS” that we look up to and our supposed to be our leaders and role models are acting a fool and w/out scrupels, then it sets a bad example for the rest of the “SHEEP” and children to follow and aspire to! And i’m gone…
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RightCoastLexSteele, 6 Figures and Rising Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Don’t blame politicians. (Pay your taxes!)
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CHeeKZ McNair Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 11:23 am
What does having sex have to do with being a leader?
MLK cheated on his Correta… and there are some reports that he put hands on her. But he did a great job of leading the African American Community. There is a difference between a Role Model and Ideal Model.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 11:34 am
I’m co-signing with Cheekz today unless he forces me to do otherwise.lol.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Gotta co-sign with that one. Just because folks do one job really well and we aspire to that kind of greatness, doesn’t mean we should use the rest of their life as a paradigm as well.
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Brookland's OWn Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Having sex has nothing to do w/being a leader, however if our “so called leaders” are out cheating, hitting on women, etc. it doesn’t bode well for our youth who look up to and try to emulate these individuals. Lets be honest, most children are raised by reality tv and social sites these days so if they aren’t being taught scrupels (synonym for values) at home then they learn it from the “so called leader” who’s having sex (not the person having sex, thinking they’re a leader).
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Just because you can pay the bills and you come home and lay the pipe doesn’t mean that gives you free will to do as you please outside of the marriage. I don’t necessarily buy that this is an extremely common situation. I think that for publicity sake it’s a great way to paint an ugly picture.
“She was okay with it!” Sure.
God Bless his soul, BTW (I’m a southerner. We try not to speak ill of the dead… not without saying G.B.H.S. at least. LOL)
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I understand the arrangements, but I don’t want one for myself personally. I’ll just put it out there–I’m too jealous. and I overthink. I’d be worrying too much about what COULD be going on and that would drive me crazy. I’m so cool on that type of situation….
oh yeah, and I agree its definitely about greed. I think moreso than “self esteem”. I’m kinda sick of people always assuming folks have no esteem because they do some off the wall or unorthodox ish. if they like it I love it….
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I think where you differ from a lot of folks who end up in these situations is that you’re aware of yourself. You acknowledge that you’re jealous and that you overthink. A lot of people don’t realize that about themselves until it’s too late. For instance, the chick who thinks she can act like a dude in her actions and then ends up catchin feelings and gettin hurt along the way.
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First of all, there are too many STDs out there and no real guarantee that your spouse will protect himself. A lot of people don’t think about those things, but I’ll be damned if I get something from some stupid mess like that.
Secondly, I have to be the only one. I don’t like sharing anything, clothes, CDs, shoes, and at the top of that list is my man. That is definitely foolishness, but even if it is not a direct agreement, some people just don’t want to be single.
I think all parties in that type situation both have esteem and co-dependency issues. The wife for holding onto a man, knowing that he does not love her, either just to be with a man or for financial security. The mistress for wanting to be with a man knowing that he is married. Some women foolishly take pride in that, thinking they have one up on the wife b/c they “made him cheat” or think he loves her more. However, men like that would cheat with any woman who is willing. The husbands in these situations have the lowest self esteem b/c they feel like they need a woman and, therefore, get married, but then still feel like they need to fill a void and go looking for more. The smartest thing would be to just remain single and then you don’t have to worry about cheating on your wife, but for someone who is co-dependent that is like saying, “go kill yourself.”
As for Steve McNair, it is sad, but everything we do in life has consequences. Some people do not suffer the same consequences for similar actions, but there are always repercussions. He unfortunately paid the ultimate price, while some people just get their cars keyed or something similar.
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CHeeKZ McNair Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Steve was the murder victim! How can u claim that he paid a price for a sin. The price to be paid would have been losing money in a divorce or embarrassment. BUT TO LOSE YOUR LIFE! Over s e x?!?!!
Really people?!
That is like taking someone eye out for jacking off or castrasting a man for looking at a girl in tight jeans. He is a murder victim! Crime doesn’t fit the punishment! That wasn’t a consequence, that was a crime. They are not connected. If he legally left his wife the girl still might have shot and killed him when he tried to leave her. You can not draw a direct connection between her crazy ass and their relationship being an affair. She was crazy.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
He did pay a price so to speak. I don’t think anyone is saying that he deserved to get shot. But that is the chance he took when he brought this new woman not only into his life but in the life of his family. I think ppl who slide off need to take this as a wake up call that what you do effects your family, whether you want it to or not. No man is an island.
McNair is a victim of a terrible crime, but that doesn’t clear him from blame. He dated crazy to begin with. If your wife is okay with you sliding off then it’s not my place to judge. To each is own. But I don’t know too many men trying to slide off on the regular with any 20yr old women…. why? because they’re still stupid. Two years removed from high school means you still got high school tendencies.
Most men know when they are drilling in the crazy mine. I’ve actually heard some men rationalize such behavior by claiming that crazy “P” is the best “P”. This chick didn’t just flip out and shot him in the heat of passion. She planned it out. She bought a gun, confronted him, and then shot him in both temples and in the chest while he was sleep on the couch.
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I think a chick lowkey thought we were in that arrangement on her end…lmaoo didn’t end up well!
I think if both ppl accept it, who am I to judge. They both get what they want out of it, so what?
Now ME doing that? umm… nah
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If you know you want to play around, why not stay a bachelor for life? Why complicate things with a wife and kids? Because there are now 3 kids without a father, and to top it off he died amidst scandal and has no way of explaining things or making it up to them. I think that’s the real tragedy.
I personally couldn’t do the arrangement thing. I’m very traditional AND possessive. I’ll share an umbrella, food, knowledge…but not a man. NEVER a man. And I could never marry someone who didn’t feel the same way about me.
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Slim I’m gonna defer to my previous comments on this subject…
As I said then, I disagree with you on the sloppy seconds. I think that depends on whether you have an arrangement or not. I think most women who have “arrangements” with their husbands are more likely out spending QT with the girls, or with their husbands Visa/MC, than sitting around the house like a sad puppy waiting for joy to walk back through the front door.
As for what I think about an arrangement for myself I’ll just copy/paste my previous comments with a few edits:
Sexual fidelity isn’t the most vital part of a relationship to some people. If we’re working on the premise that most men cheat regardless and if that’s the way it is, then I’d rather have a say in that. I think my issue w/ the McNair “arrangement” would be that I would not be okay with my husband carrying long-term relationships outside our marriage. There’s a difference between a mistress and slide off.
My biggest issue is the health factor… mental and physical. If you wanna start bringing home strays you better make sure the bitch got all her shots, isn’t rabid, and wasn’t abused as a puppy. Til I see her paper work she gotta sit out on the porch.
That being said… there would have to be something in place so that I don’t feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick ::pause:: because as I’ve said in the past, I’m brand loyal and I’m not one to d*ck dabble. If I dip once in 2 years and you’re wang slangin like Wilt Chamberlin, I can see there being some issues on both sides. I might feel slighted and you might feel like what made that one dude so special that I finally elected to use my free pass.
According to Will and Jada, an open relationship is where it’s at. But according to their rules, Will is free to free Willie only with Jada’s approval, but he’s the only one allowed to steal from her cookie jar. Jada has veto power and from what I’ve heard doesn’t hesitate to use it.
I feel like I could live with that if things were transparent and I felt the other person was truly committed to our relationship. I don’t like to share my toys. It’s like when I had a Game Boy. Yes, you could play my game boy, for 15mins. Just because can’t beat my high score don’t you dare try and clear my scores, don’t change any of my settings, don’t try and front like it’s yours if someone else sees you playing with it and don’t even thing about trying to walk to away with my $h*t. Some rules never change.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
“I think most women who have “arrangements” with their husbands are more likely out spending QT with the girls, or with their husbands Visa/MC, than sitting around the house like a sad puppy waiting for joy to walk back through the front door.”
I’d agree that they’re out doing something or other…perhaps even another man themselves. I don’t think these women are really sitting home on the couch waiting for the husband to come home and wash his piece off. Though I’m sure there are those who do just sit there and wait.
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I am not into sharing. So that situation wouldn’t work for me.
However, I am not against other people having such an arrangement because we have no right to judge what other people do within their relationship. It is up to the couple to decide the rules of their relationship. And NOT society.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 9th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
I’m not against other people having that arrangement. I just know that I couldn’t do it and the logic of those that can kinda boggles my mind a bit…even tho I sorta understand it. Everybody judges tho, we can’t escape that.lol.
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Interesting article great to hear everyone’s side of the story!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 18th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Thanks for the comment. Make sure you stop by again!
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