Have You Seen Yourself Lately?
How you gonna ask for this….
When you look like this…
I’m back with a big piece and a vengeance!
During my hiatus from blogging, I made an effort to not write or do anything administrative behind the scenes. My laptop was open minimally and for a split second I forgot that I was a writer. I had many a conversation with folks that got all sorts of ideas flowin’. I engaged in a very interestin’ Gchat discussion with a friend last week that had to say something that got me thinkin’. Let me give you the backshots background:
Said friend was home sick. Said friend said she was lookin’ for a male nurse to come and take care of her. I jokingly told said friend that she probably wanted the male nurse to be wearing no clothes underneath. Said friend laughed. I then jokingly stated that said friend probably wanted the dude to be brolick and put her to bed in a variety of recreational ways. Said friend stated she didn’t want the dude to be brolick. I asked why? Her response almost made me fall out of my chair:
“I can’t ask for what I’m not.”
In my adult life, I can’t remember ever hearing a woman say this. Maybe it has been said and I was drunk or just not payin’ attention. Whatever the case, I was impressed. I probed deeper in the least sexual way possible and learned that she figured if the man was brolick, he was probably a fan of fitness. She acknowledged that she wasn’t a huge fan of fitness, but was working on it. I continued to be impressed. Someone being confident enough to admit what they are and not ask for someone more than that? Brilliant! (Pass me a Guinness)
But Slim. Why is this such a big deal?
You ask and you shall receive:
- The blog world is dominated by women. I read or have read a good number of blogs and I’m regularly on Twitter. While men talk about sex and hoes, women go in on the appearance of members of both sexes regularly and without remorse about what they want and don’t like.
- Most of the people in the world are not extremely attractive. If that were the case, there wouldn’t be any ugly babies and a limited need for plastic surgery.
- Related to #2. Most of the women going in about the appearance of others aren’t that attractive themselves. I’m a decent looking man and that’s it. I have flaws. You will very rarely hear me comment on someone’s looks unless they are truly a hot and correctable mess.
One of my biggest pet peeves, gifts, and curses of havin’ a good number of female friends is that you have to listen to the consistent judgment of men and women’s appearances by women. When one of my boys, the GQ one of the crew, was seen in a lot of pics with a girl that just happens to be one of our friends, women went nuts. I had to deal with a lot of the following:
- She ain’t that cute.
- Wow. She must be f*ckin him good if he keepin’ her around.
- What does he see in her? She’s just so regular lookin’.
- I mean, she must have a nice personality.
Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate.Hate. It drives me nuts. The most “entertaining” part of this is that the women commenting were regular if not slightly sub-par themselves. Many times I wanted to just be like “If you were in that picture, I’m sure people would think the same about you.” And this type of thing isn’t just limited to goin’ in on women. A lot of chicks out there will go in about a guy’s face, his hair, or some other unchangeable feature. But when I look at these same women, I often see where they could use a few nips and tucks themselves. Recklessness.
Now I say all of this not because I want to be a bitter bastard, but in takin’ a week off I made a lot of observations and reflected a lot on myself and those around me. I just don’t get how people (pronounced women in this case) can ask more of others physically than what they are themselves. And quite honestly, it’s kinda sad that it took a joking conversation with a friend to hear someone say something so refreshing and down to earth. I’m pretty sure if folks spent the same amount of time investin’ energy in themselves that they probably wouldn’t be so unhappy and…well…single.
So for today, what do yall think about what has been described in this post? Is this just a woman thing or are men equally as guilty? Why is it that I observe this so much more with women of all shapes, sizes, security, and faith levels? Am I the new Soapbox Blogger named Brother Saidit? Hell naw.lol. Let’s discuss.
The Prodigal Blogger,
163 Responses to “Have You Seen Yourself Lately?”
Comments
Read below or add a comment...
Leave A Comment...
-
- Help Us Grow! Subscribe!
Okay so here’s the thing… I blame men! LOL!
I’ll explain my logic…
Men like to be super opinionated and vocal about their likes and dislikes when it comes to women and their looks. A good example would be that post on Latinas over at SBM a few weeks back. Something was said like “the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen was when she got in the shower w/ straight hair and when she came out it was curly”…
there are plenty of black women who can perform same “miracle” but whateverOkay so that’s your honest opinion and that’s great, but a lot of times what happens is you’ll see that same guy with a chick with kitchen a$$ hair that’s dry, busted, and a mess. It doesn’t add up and so most women will start with the rationalizations.
One of my boys is a real poon hound (yes I said poon hound) and like most Black men he’s an ass man. I have a homegirl whose booty to height and waist ratio is ridiculous. My boy is vertically challenged and is a cornball but he’s a nice guy and she seems to date random dudes so I figure I’ll hook them up… First thing out his mouth is a list of complaints: “is she having a breakout or something?!?! What’s up w/ her skin? Her ass isn’t really that big… you didn’t tell me she had short hair…
When I see him out a few weeks later with another chick and he asked me what I thought I went in… her weave was tacky, the color wasn’t good on her skin, her colored contacts were very 1993 and she was kinda funny shaped. Her voice was also kind of annoying.
None of these things should necessarily preclude him from dating her but going by the standards he’s presented she’s busted.
I’m a judger and I’ll be the first one to admit it. I’m not a hater tho’! I make positive comments just as often as I make negative ones. Usually if I have something congratulatory to say and I’m near the person I will go and tell them that I love their outfit, or their haircut is cute or their skin is gorgeous. I’m very observant, I can’t help that I notice flaws…
… but yeah I think men set the unrealistic “standards” and we women just simply perform the quality inspections.
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 8:26 am
LOVED this comment.
Reply
ASmith Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 8:47 am
I agree that it’s definitely not just women who do that and we definitely don’t pull it out of our asses.
In Slim’s example, I could hear many of my female friends going in on some unknown female because she was all “laid up” (this term is totally subjective… always…) on some guy they think is worthy of more. Read: The female isn’t them and they’re pissed about it.
However, that doesn’t negate the valid point Ms. Cherry brings up: men set the standard and then criticize women for criticizing all the women they date who don’t meet the standard (and let’s be real, some men have out of control standards, that’s why none of their women meet them)
Everybody’s being ridiculous if you ask me.
Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 9:15 am
“I have a homegirl whose booty to height and waist ratio is ridiculous.”
I’LL TAKE IT!
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
You got it.
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Hmm. It’s kind of backwards logic to blame men for your shortcomings. This is Three Ways, not the Jerry Springer show.
Yeah, men will vehemently state what kind of women they like, but will end up with a watered down version of said woman.
Some of my friends love beautiful light skinned women with bad bodies. But they aren’t going to pull these divas, so they end up with a woman with one of these qualities and some other pluses that weren’t on their list.
I find that while men will play the cards they’re dealt, or keep an Ace up their sleeve, women will more often than not keep asking the dealer for new cards.
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:06 am
“I find that while men will play the cards they’re dealt, or keep an Ace up their sleeve, women will more often than not keep asking the dealer for new cards.”
Sir Seattle strikes again!
Reply
Reecie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:48 am
that was a good one.
Reply
Ms. Cherry Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I could hear my phone going off while I was in the gym and I just KNEW some of men were on here upset w/ me… Settle down gentlemen and allow me to address your concerns.
Seattle: “Yeah, men will vehemently state what kind of women they like, but will end up with a watered down version of said woman.”
I find that while men will play the cards they’re dealt, or keep an Ace up their sleeve, women will more often than not keep asking the dealer for new cards.
That’s all cool and the gang. One of my boys is in LOVE with Roshumba and things she’s the epitome of femininity and then married a short, light-skin, chick w/ straightish hair. His wife not at all what he said he was looking for but she’s awesome.
I disagree with the asking for new cards. I’m not saying that there aren’t any shallow women out there or chicks with unrealistic expectations. I think we all know some special cases out there… my cousin is stripper and can’t understand why she keeps ending up with men who think they can buy her love… HELLOOOOOO, YOU’RE A STRIPPPER…. BUT in most cases my friends are not out there looking for Boris. That is young girl stuff. Like I would have agreed with you when I was in high school but at 28 my girls who can pull the cute guy have and threw him back.
Most women I know and on this blog (because I’m pretty sure established this many many blogs ago) are looking more for personality than looks. I want a man that loves me and loves himself enough to take care of himself
and can punish it in the bedroom. I can’t and don’t ask for any more than that.Peyso: Who can honestly say that they judge by someone else’s standards? You are judging by the standard that you have set, no one else’s.
Why is it that women dont judge their friends by the standards that are set by men?
When a women asks “why is he with HER sometimes it’s not about her standards. I think disproportionate large asses are unattractive. This chick I went to high school with hands down has the largest donk I’ve ever seen and to me she looks TERRIBLE in most of her clothes mainly because she doesn’t wear things that I feel flatter her shape. That being said I’ll NEVER question why any man would date her. Not saying that men only date her cause of what’s behind her, I’m just being honest and realistic. I’m a very busty girl and I know 9 outta 10 men who say hello to me just wanted to get a closer look.
To be honest all of my closest friends are pretty girls, but I do have some friends that are not what I’d call “lookers” and so I’m realistic when I my boys ask me to hook them up w/ my one of my girls. If you don’t do natural hair, I’m not gonna hook you up w/ my girl with the fro. If you’re an ass man, then I’m not gonna hook you up w/ my best cause her ass is non-existent.
Dr. J: I once said this in my youthful days, “I’m an asshole, I don’t like fat people, and I say this outloud, so they don’t hang around me, I don’t like short hair on girls, so they don’t hang around me, I don’t like dark skin girls, and…..”
Honey I’m not mad at you. I think it’s fine that people have preferences, I was just using what you said as an example cause it’s fresh in my mind. I wasn’t trying to imply that you specifically walk around w/ chicks that got busted hair.
We all have types and preferences. I don’t like short men (but have dated and fallen hard for two). I don’t like men who are too metro (but dated a dude with a standing mani appt and who couldn’t sleep w/o a satin head scarf) My ideal man, physically, is a 6′ 2″ field hand with a long torso, quads like a thoroughbred, a dazzling smile w/ pretty teeth, with skin as chocolate as a Hershey bar. That being said I’m not really anyone to actually look like that and if I met him I probably wouldn’t like him because in real life usually the person who looks perfect has a terrible personality.
oh and love you back… mwah:*
Tunde
Hey, I just wanted to shake it up a bit and give y’all something to complain about lol…
Reply
Streetztalk Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
So… whats up with ur cousin? Bdays comin up…
Reply
Ms. Cherry Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Well if you’re ever in DC, last I checked she works day shift at the Skylark. I’ve never seen her uh… perform so I can’t serve as a reference.
Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Why are all your freinds either strippers or have donks?
You need to stop making freinds at the Ludacris Music Video.
Reply
Ms. Cherry Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Let’s clarify… none of my friends are strippers, but a couple of my cousins are strippers (I dunno if that’s any better… but that’s on my uncles).
I do have a few friends with donks but my besty has negative ass so it all balances out lol.
Reply
Erin Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
“I know 9 outta 10 men who say hello to me just wanted to get a closer look.” – Pahahahah! You are so right. I have seen this happen to other women and have had men pretend to need to ask a question just so they can have an excuse to “holla” or get a better look.
Reply
Tunde Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:46 am
when all else fails blame men. smh j/k but not really.
Reply
Anger Management Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
CO-SIGN!
Reply
Peyso Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
This point makes no sense. Who can honestly say that they judge by someone else’s standards? You are judging by the standard that you have set, no one else’s. Why is it that women dont judge their friends by the standards that are set by men? (We all know that every woman will say her friend looks good. You cannot even imagine how many chicks I know who say they have NO ugly friends) This means that you can choose what standards you judge your friends and non-friends by. Furthermore, it indicates that it is all YOUR fault.
Reply
Single Black Male Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Thanks for the shout out, I’ll make sure to let Dr. J know he has been mentioned, but this is crazy.
Why is it our fault that women judge so often, harshly, and unfairly?
One thing, men don’t
hatejudge other men nowhere like women judge other women. Also, if your friend really is pulling these types of girls, this doesn’t really apply to him. He’s within his lane.Reply
Streetztalk Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
No need to, I already
snitchedhollad at the god. lololand Seattle’s comment was beyond tabernaculatory.
Reply
Dr. J Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I was gon 9/11 you, but you didn’t need the help
And you did a good job you guys is talented as hell…
Am I going to get in trouble today? Argg you only live once… I once said this in my youthful days, “I’m an asshole, I don’t like fat people, and I say this outloud, so they don’t hang around me, I don’t like short hair on girls, so they don’t hang around me, I don’t like dark skin girls, and…..” [I paused for a picture]
http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v66/203/84/5506533/n5506533_32598034_5502.jpg
Dr. J walks down the street with 4 light skin girls w/ long hair who treat the gym like it’s their friend…
….and i love you back Cherry.
Reply
Streetztalk Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH
Reply
LittleMissSunshine Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 12:55 am
I know at least one of those girls. small world.
Reply
You can’t help who or what you are attracted to. I’ve never met anyone who would ignore their attraction to someone because they feel like they don’t “deserve?”it. But I can understand approaching people with your own grain of salt.
Like, I have a pretty face, but I am in piss poor shape. I do however, work out. So I expect a dude to have a good body and a decent face (let’s face it, trolls don’t work for anyone) or have a frumpy body and a great face, but works out. I think that’s fair. Don’t walk around looking like Chewbacca, while sporting a water bed under you Polo and think that you can holler… it ain’t happenin.
In my humble – maybe even wrong opinion – unless a man wants to wife a woman, he generally sees ANY female as an orifice with a neon sign that says, “Insert here. Here. And Sometimes Here.” Doesn’t really matter what she looks like. Can she bone and does she have enough saliva?
I feel like women are way more visual (and emotional) which is why we feel the need to focus on image so much. It took me 3 months to pick out curtains, I’m going to use the same discerning eye to choose my partner.
Besides, there’s no limit to the number of dates or sexcapades one can have. Until you feel like settling down, the world is your oyster. So, if you have the opportunity to be picky, then why not?
At the end of the day, if we’re sitting on the porch playing “That’s my car!” I see no problem in picking the Benz every time.
Reply
SingleSassySweet Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 7:03 am
“At the end of the day, if we’re sitting on the porch playing ‘That’s my car!’ I see no problem in picking the Benz every time.”
I LIKE that!!!!!! Excellent analogy !!!
But I do have a comment about the judging though. Props to you for admitting that, but at the same time, people have preferences and shouldn’t be judged by your “standards.”
Reply
Ms. Cherry Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 8:56 am
“At the end of the day, if we’re sitting on the porch playing ‘That’s my car!’ I see no problem in picking the Benz every time.”
I agree with Triple S, GREAT analogy!!!
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Loved this comment too.
” generally sees ANY female as an orifice with a neon sign that says, “Insert here. Here. And Sometimes Here.” Doesn’t really matter what she looks like. Can she bone and does she have enough saliva?”
And this is hilarious.
Reply
Peyso Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Just b/c you pick the Benz doesnt mean you sh!t on the person that drives by in a 93 Maxima (The 93 Maxima was about 1/4 the size of an 03 Max weird but true)
Reply
Still Water Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I’m not poopin on it, but…
That’s Yo Car!!!
Reply
Both men and women are guilty of this. People have their preferences, and the go for it.
Am I guilty of saying “S/he must have a nice personality to pull…whoever?” Yes I am. But I don’t mean it to say that that person didn’t deserve the person they pulled. I say it because this true for most relationships. Whether the person is drop-dead gorgeous, average, or unattractive (I don’t like using the word ugly to describe people), at the end of the day you HAVE to like someone’s personality to want to be with them.
I’m sure a lot of you know that pretty chick with the bad attitude, or that fine guy that’s so full of himself you can’t take it.
Some of you are these people.We all know these people. The point is that at the end of the day, looks will only get you so far, you have to have personality to back that up.I know girls who will only date unattractive men so people will say “How did he pull her?” That, to me, is stupid, but to each her own.
Reply
ladycakes Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Co-sign. People think attractiveness can completely cover being an asshole. While it can mask it in the end the true personality wins out. When my uncle married my aunt a lot of my bitter ass female relatives was like he’s marrying her look at her he could have done better. I’m like that why you’re single and your cabinets are stock with liquor. I saw the way she took care of my uncle and love him family and anyone that mentions her facial features will get cussed by me.
Reply
SingleSassySweet Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I know that’s right! As long as their happy is all that matters!!
Reply
The women you describe in your post upset me.
I think women who talk that ish about fine men such as the one in your pic, or the woman said man chooses to be with, feel like they entitled to to judge and hate and nit-pick and call folks out **clenches fist**. I dunno where that comes from. Maybe jealousy or a feeling of “i’m better than…” This has been something I struggle with about women too.
I think men have their little lame ways too. Men love talking about how “bad” a woman is or isn’t and will be looking extra regular themselves. Men will also hate on a dude who is with that woman. The only difference is they don’t hate on facebook walls or in blog comment.
I’m with you Slim…I can’t expect of a man what I am not willing to do or be myself, and that extends to physical and non-physical traits. For example, I have started to take an interest in the way my body looks sans clothes partly because I know I like physically fit men. I can’t ask for a man to be all swole and sexy while I look all wack and out of shape.
Reply
nyhoop Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
You wack and out of shape?? Like that’s ever gonna happen…
Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Co-sign.
I didn’t want to say anything..
but eff your high metabolism ninja!
Reply
Oh I KNOW you aren’t saying this is exclusive to women…? LOL. Men can be the pickiest folk.
Anyway, this is a double edged sword..who says you can’t go for what/who you want? What if who you want, wants you back? That kind of unfair to say that people can’t ask or can’t be attracted and approach Morris Chestnut but should be limited to Bruce Bruce. It speaks to self esteem also, you feel as if you don’t deserve or can’t deserve somebody who looks better than you.
If you want to change how you look, fine but don’t do it because you got the @ss end of the stick and don’t feel like you deserve any better. You don’t know what that person is attracted to. Don’t assume that when you look in the mirror and don’t see a brickhouse that someone else won’t.
They tell you all the time in high school and college “Dress for where you want to go, not for where you are.” How do you know if you meet Adonis that he won’t help you be Aphrodite if you want to be?
Don’t get me wrong I understand what you’re saying but as my mother would say “Ev’ry moldy biscuit got he own vum vum cheese” meaning there is somebody for everybody. People judge…let them, what can you do about it?
Reply
Men and women are both guilty of this… When women do it, I wonder if it has something to do with self esteem.. if she’s really thinking, “if this girl can pull such and such, why can’t I?” I think someone up top said it best when men have put an unrealistic expectation on women…. I’ve seen it. Men love video models and put them on a pedastal but end up marrying Homely Harriet, after he clowned her publically. It makes no sense…
I’m not trying to play women as the victims and men as the bully, I’m just saying, both sexes need to take a look at themselves and re-evaluate.
Additionally, your friend’s quote is great but it’s all about personal preference.. somewhere, there a Boris Kodjoe that likes a 5’7, 220 lb woman. So I don’t see why either party needs to realize what they can pull and downgrade expectation. You like what you like.
*****I know my comment went all over the place**** lol
Reply
Miss Jenkins Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 9:43 am
LMAO @ Homely Harriet!! Why you callin her out like that??
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:02 am
LMAO! You know how it goes… I’ve seen it myself and wondered, “WTF?” after his a$$ done dogged me!
Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:29 am
“Men love video models and put them on a pedastal but end up marrying Homely Harriet”
Doesn’t this prove Slim’s point. We all watch videos of Oso Lovely, Melrose Fox, and not to mention the amazing amazing flicks that come from Brazil. But we still make love to Harriet.
You girls expect Brian Pumper with every one night stand despite the fact that you look like Crystal Clear.
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:41 am
“You girls expect Brian Pumper with every one night stand despite the fact that you look like Crystal Clear.”
I came. I paused. I died. Here lies Slim Jackson. Forever shall he rest in the tomb behind a big blog rock.
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:45 am
LMAO!!! I’ve had some smallies in my day and they were dogs too, Cheekz.
Reply
What’s that corny saying? “Aim for the moon; even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.” I hate that saying, but I think it applies here. If you can pull a guy/gal who’s got a little bit more going for them… then who am I to judge?
HOWEVER… that’s different from constantly setting your sites on people who are… how do you say…. out of your league. I remember in college having a convo with a friend because he was upset that all these girls were constantly overlooking him. I asked him, “Have you ever considered all the girls you overlook?” You want the fine-ass, popular, bad-attitude-cause-I-can-cause-you-will-still-lick-my-boots females, when there are plenty of girls out here who would make better girlfriends…
Get as much as you can, but at some point you got to be for real. However, that process isn’t for anyone else to judge (though we do and we will).
Reply
First, I am proud of your friend for admitting her faults. We all have them, and most women, especially these women who use twitter, facebook, and blogs as their hate sounding board would be wise to acknowledge their own faults instead of ripping into the physical faults of another.
However, I agree with Ms. Cherry’s analysis. Men, through the use of the media and the internet, have made it very clear about the types of women they prefer. And a lot of these females run with that and critique every other female according to the men’s criteria. Even though they don’t fit into the men’s dream critieria…
Personally, I’ve stopped hanging out with women who always have something negative to say about other women. I like to stay away from negative folks in general, and negative women are the worse. Men are just as bad. I say, instead of spending so much time trying to put down other folks, get yourself together, make sure your ish is tight, and you’ll be a much happier individual.
Reply
Interesting comments thus far. I just wanted to say that for this post I purposely focused on physical aspects and not the “total body of work” of a person…i.e. what’s going on in their life otherwise. I don’t want to say too much else yet. I’m waiting for some men to chime in on this jawn.
Reply
“She’s just so regular lookin’”
I’m pretty sure I’ve said this in my life. LOL. like Ms. Cherry I can admit I am a bit of a judger/criticizer when it comes to appearance–I dont discriminate, male or female. I also observe and make mental note of a lot of other things beyond appearance, thats just who I am. But I’m not a hater. see how I left out that first part “what does he see in her?”–thats hate. I’on care why he’s with her or what he sees. Thats their business.
I do agree that this def is not just a woman thing and the comment that men make these standards, we are just the ones that are better at pointing them out. In general you should want in a mate what you can offer as well. Problem is…some people are delusional in what it is exactly that they offer. Long as somebody likes it, it really doesn’t matter. “Mix-matched” couples have existed since the beginning of time.
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 9:05 am
“Problem is…some people are delusional in what it is exactly that they offer.”
Thumbs muhfuggin up for this statement.
Reply
They must be haters if they say those things. I’ve heard those same remarks from a few women because for the past year I’ve been dating this very attractive dude and I’m just average looking in their eyes.
Reply
Miss Jenkins Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Welcome!
And let them keep hating boo…they just mad cuz they look like “who shot John.”
Reply
Ms. Cherry Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 9:54 am
…they just mad cuz they look like “who shot John.”
lol… it’s been a while since I’ve heard someone use that one.
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:03 am
I’ve never heard it.. I must incorporate it into my speech EEE-mee-jut-ley. lol
Reply
ASmith Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Damn, I’ve been trying to figure out how to spell that
and by figure, I mean I was waiting on someone else to do it; I say it all the time (I need to quit, I fear people think I don’t know how to properly pronounce “immediately”)Reply
Reecie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:24 am
I spell it imejitly. LOL
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:45 am
LMAO!
Reply
Smiley Face Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:06 am
LOL!!! I use that statement all the time!! Tis one of my favorites
Reply
N.I.A. is more than a 10... get wit' it or get lost! Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:24 am
lol @ who shot john!! some of my country kin still say this. sometimes I say it… I love it!
Reply
Miss Jenkins Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:35 am
LOL. Whenever I use it, I think about that scene in Love & Basketball when Alfre Woodard is getting at Sanaa Lathan for not doing her hair.
Reply
men are MUCH more guilty…Shallow Hal anyone???
Two tubs of lard harshly judging mostly fit and jive decent women…….
Fitness is high on my list of prioroties personally and thats what I find attractive in men..you don’t have to be T.O./cock diesel and super cut, but please be fit and in decent shape, hard bodied!
Thats just common interest and compatibility and what strikes my fancy….
Oh yeah honey always catches more flies than vinegar. most of the time if I can’t say anything nice, I say nothing at all…no need to be a b*tch when it isn;t warrented and or necessary.. like a friend once show ed me a pic of his sister and I smiled and was like oh okay mmmmmm LLS
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Interesting that you say men are much more guilty of this. As you can tell from this post, I disagree.lol. If I were to pool a list of tweets, facebook statuses, and blog posts that take shots at someone’s physical appearance, women would win that one easily.
Reply
OrangeStar616 Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:07 am
well thats on-line, what about real life??? LOL
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:10 am
I don’t have enough pens or ink to document all the real life tomfoolery!
Reply
ASmith Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Maybe men aren’t as vocal… maybe THAT’S the difference.
And by “as vocal,” I mean in mixed company. I think this is just like “women gossip” because men gossip just as much — but because they do it differently and/or only amongst each other women get the reputation.
Reply
Miss Jenkins Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Good point.
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:47 am
I agree.. this was a good addition.
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
*dap*
Reply
Slim its great to have you back. And you really came out the gate strong (pause?). I think this will lead to a great conversation.
I’ve notice that most women keep saying “Men do it too or men are just as guilty.” I’m calling B.S.
Men don’t put another person in your gender down in the hopes of making yourself feel better about who you date. That is a female trait and frown upon amongst our kind. Men don’t hate on other men b/c we see them with a bad one. We are more likely to actually comment on a dude’s personality.. “that guy is a cornball. He aint got no swag.” But men comment on another man’s look.. in this African American Homophobic society? Where is such a thing done? Atlanta?
We judge women b/c we eff them. You judge b/c you hate. There is a reason why you are single, b/c you don’t know what good p@$$^ looks like (see Nicki Minaj for an example).
And to be honest, I think most men are fully aware where they are on the ugly scale. I have clearly seen men who aren’t born with swag continuely use money or personality to make up for it… therefore no chick is ever out our league (see Joe Budden’s ex girl, Tahiry). Sorry ladies.. but at the end of the day looks are going to be your dominant factor in who you get b/c y’all have to little else to offer a man. I know you think ‘hey CHeeKZ I cook. I clean. I’m funny. I’m educated’. And I am thinking.. yeah so is every other jawn. That aint special. But there are only so many ninja’s on Wall st or in the NFL. God Bless the prison-industrial complex. Got me a ton of p#$$^.
Reply
Reecie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:27 am
“There is a reason why you are single, b/c you don’t know what good p@$$^ looks like (see Nicki Minaj for an example). ”
I hollered at this because I know what Minaj image you have in mind. lol. so is a dude saying another dude is a cornball any better? come on now…
Reply
Miss Jenkins Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Lol. All I can do is smh.
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
“Men don’t put another person in your gender down in the hopes of making yourself feel better about who you date. ”
Ya’ll don’t comment on each other’s appearances period, in fear of the “ghey”. lol
Reply
I don’t feel like it’s just women that are guilty of this. i can’t tell u how many of my male friends HATE HATE HATE on EVERY guy i date! (with the exception of one dude that got the stamp of approval…but alas…where is he now? lol)
I went on a date with a guy about a month ago and one of my male friends saw us out and about. He called me later that night and flat out told me that “i could do better.”–What is ur reasoning for this comment? O the way he looks? hmmmk…
But like everyone said, guys definitely do it. Some of my friends will stop talking to a chick because: her butt isn’t big enough, her eyes are too far apart, she’s too small, she’s too big etc. And I mean…look at Lil Wayne! That ninja is a grimlin, but he stays sayin that he likes a “long-haired thick red bone.”
Humans are naturally judgemental. It happens. No one is free from doing it. i admit i’ve done it. but as i have matured, i’ve learned to stop worrying about what other people are doing.
Reply
I see a lot of people putting part of the blame on men and I don’t agree. Yes I understand the men always describe 10′s but may date 7′s, but what men do isn’t based on hate, its just wishful thinking at most. I think Slim is addressing the way women hate on each other without just cause. This isn’t simple making an observation about an obvious like the hot ghetto mess in the photo above, but women who make it their job to find a fault where there is none. I love make-up, weaves, heels and all things girly, so some mornings I will be sitting on the train knowing I am spotless and there is always some burnt looking chick giving me the side eye. Why hate on somebody for spending the extra time to make sure their put together in the morning. I won’t even entertain thinking that maybe they think I have a bad weave because that would be an insult to my stylist and hair that does not come in a bag. Certain women just wear hate on there face. In most cases if I find myself staring at a woman whose hair is hooked up right, or has a pair of really nice heals, Ill mostly likely smile and let her know .
This summer a friend and I went on vacation back home to Jamaica. We both workout regularly and have no intentions of being covered up when its 90 degrees outside. Actually the second we hit the line at the airport I hear a girl lean over to her friend and whisper something about my friend outfit being too short, now why hate because my friend has the confidence and body to pull it off (this lame chick didn’t). Another time we are on the beach at our resort and one lady was laying under a shaded area so we decided to pull chairs over instead of laying in the baking sun, there was a chair between the lady and my friends beach chair and my friend leaned over to smooth out her towel when this woman had the nerve to tell my friend to move her chair because her butt would be in her friends face (her friend was in the water at this point), I had to ask her how that would be possible and the dumb Bee had the nerve to say because she was bending over as if she would stay in the position the rest of the afternoon. Pure foolishness, sure if I was 35 and size 16 I wouldn’t want 2 skinny girls laying next to me on the beach, but a real woman would have handled the situation without coming off stupid and insecure.
I can’t front I will make a comment about the obvious like tacky cloths or see-through hair that badly needs a trim, but those are just note-to-self on never being “that Chick”. I would never comment negatively on a male friend’s girl because that’s rude and tacky behavior. And worse of all it puts your insecurities front and center.
This post probably brings my biggest pet peeve to the forefront, I hate insecure, judgmental, worried about others and not themselves chicks. If you know you’re hot, you don’t really need to put others down, if your jealous of another woman’s body, get your ass in the gym!
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:46 am
**Clubs Renee over the head and drags her to the altar for marriage**
Reply
Miss Jenkins Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:49 am
PREACH!!!!!!! This Comment is spot on.
“I love make-up, weaves, heels and all things girly, so some mornings I will be sitting on the train knowing I am spotless and there is always some burnt looking chick giving me the side eye.”
I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read this. Burnt looking chick? Givin one of these: O_o? For shame!
“This post probably brings my biggest pet peeve to the forefront, I hate insecure, judgmental, worried about others and not themselves chicks. If you know you’re hot, you don’t really need to put others down, if your jealous of another woman’s body, get your ass in the gym!”
Super Co-sign.
Reply
OrangeStar616 Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Honey its a shame some women are just that insecure and wack, maybe if they used that same amount of energy on bettering themselves then they would not be so concerned with you nor I nor whomever may be just that FLYyyyyy and well put together…..and its not just sisters if you could see the way some of these style challendged 2520s look @ me in this office etc etc……haters come in all races, ethnicities, cultures unfortunately..my thing is just let folk be GREAT
Reply
Reecie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:35 am
great post especially the last two paragraphs.
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:49 am
” had to ask her how that would be possible and the dumb Bee had the nerve to say because she was bending over as if she would stay in the position the rest of the afternoon”
And wow????? I can’t believe that lady would fix her mouth to say that.
Good comment!
Reply
MyzDevyneOne Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:58 am
YES MA’AM! Say it again! I do agree, the hate is unnecessary… especially when it comes form some broad that looks a hotghettomess.com like ole’ girl in the pic above. iCAN’T!
Reply
nyhoop Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
…”I will be sitting on the train knowing I am spotless and there is always some burnt looking chick giving me the side eye.”
I literally laughed out loud!
Reply
Reina Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Complete utter concurrence. No need for me to comment now.
Reply
I’d like to jump in here and say that while men don’t openly attack other dudes frequently, they do attack women vocally and regularly. I’ve heard my friends say that they only date “the best and baddest women” because that’s what they’re worth, when they look like Martin Lawrence. They pull a Jay-Z and announce that “what we need to do is put that mouth on a better bitch.” Hell, I even knew someone who I *swore* was an ugly gay man say he only dates model chicks. (And I thought by model chicks, he meant gay men models.)
The difference between the way women feel about appearance and the way men feel about appearance is based on the truth that most women are raised to be beautiful PLUS. Beautiful plus smart. Beautiful plus classy. Beautiful plus successful. Beautiful plus sexually talented. And sometimes, beautiful plus all of those things. So when some women see a chick who isn’t beautiful PLUS, we wonder how she manages to not have to juggle (difficultly, I might add) all of those things and be with a man that SUPPOSEDLY has strict standards. It seems like there is some loophole we haven’t been told about.
Personally, I have always been of the camp that regular chicks will win out every day because we clean up real nice and aren’t high-maintenance. Too much time on the physical will always leave the other things lacking. There’s only 24 hours in a day. I also don’t want some diva dude as my life partner either.
Reply
LittleMissSunshine Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:48 am
“I’d like to jump in here and say that while men don’t openly attack other dudes frequently, they do attack women vocally and regularly. I’ve heard my friends say that they only date “the best and baddest women” because that’s what they’re worth, when they look like Martin Lawrence.”
this.
I will say that when I’ve liked a guy and seen the girl he was with I kinda stumbled like uuuuur-ah, but that’s really about wondering (on the outside) what it is that she had that I didn’t. I will also admit that my ideal man is a 9 and I’m probably a 7- but that’s because I do pull 9s so I see no reason in changing my habits.
I’ve you believe it – you can achieve it!
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:53 am
This comment kinda proves my point in some roundabout away.
Reply
LittleMissSunshine Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 1:09 am
Didn’t say it was a proud moment but I can recall an instant or two where I’ve had a superficial thought. Or were you talking about something else?
Reply
I can’t understand attacking another woman for her looks. I just can’t. I believe those women are out there, I know they are, but seriously, my beef has always been with the double standard between men and women.
I will say this:
It’s as if women who find themselves beautiful feel the need to assume that ugly women hate on them. I’m inclined to believe that these “ugly” women aren’t ugly at all. It’s a reactionary insult from a “pretty” chick. I had a light-skinned gf once who anytime someone treated her badly, she’d say they hated on her because she was light. Unfortunately, she was wrong. They hated on her because she was a witch with a B. She was haughty. I think it’s possible that this is the case. We attack another woman’s looks in order to shield ourselves from their attack when, possibly, it’s our attitude and behavior that is warranting their attack in the first place.
It’s all fake really. Attacking another person, especially one you don’t know, is really a cover up for our own insecurity. This is true whether your attack is preemptive or reactionary.
Reply
A-motherf*ckin-men on this post right here B. People in general eyes are too long for their own good. Fat girls need love too, but if you need to put a car cover over yo ass to go out in the rain, limiting your selection in mates to men with 6 packs is just absurd. Now if a in shape brother worships the gravy in the corner of your mouth, by all means boo-boo, go on and wash ya bloomers on his washboard.
Girls aren’t the only haters out there, dudes hate on other dudes when they see them w/ a bad chick. They may not use the same criteria as women use to critique, but we be hatin…unless it’s one of your boys, then you just live vicariously thru him.
My mama and Mrs. Steele think I’m handsome so that’s pretty much all that matters (your girl thinks so too, she’d probably never admit it tho). I have my good lookin moments, other times I could care less. I actually base my cockiness and larger than universe ego on this wider than normal hardware in my SJ sweats, coupled with my knowledge of how to use said hardware, and the intense training I completed @ Lexington Steele’s Cocksmanship for Dummies course, where I learned a wide array of positions, strokes, variations on said postions and strokes, and use of accessories. You’d be surprised what you can do with a bathrobe belt.
Reply
Yooo. I blame hagling. Everybody wants something for nothing. I also blame Disney and othere story people that let people believe that the king of Zamoondah will kick it in a damp dark dank dive w/ they drunk ssaes down in the delaney projects. & the people that say that there’s somebody for everybody. + the rainbow push coalition
Reply
@ Renee
Weaves are UNacceptable.
Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Funny…
I would say baldies are UNacceptable.
***and I mean bald. Not short hair***
Reply
Nyela Goodness Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Hrmm I’m tryna figure out whether or not to give you the side eye, sir Cheekz…
I’m gonna accept your disclaimer, for the moment.
Reply
Renee Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Again I put all faith in my stylist and quality hair. You would never be able to tell just by looking me, unless you’ve seen past photos. I’ve fooled women RCLS so you wouldn’t stand a chance, and if you get close enough to touch my hair, I have a feeling the fact that its a weave would be the last thing on your mind. I like to change up my looks, so it all about preference when it comes to men, but if a man has hair preferences I am not the woman for him, I switch it up every few months.
@Cheekz
Are ya’ll still dissing baldy’s even after Amber Rose?
Reply
The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, All For It Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I actually have a very discerning eye when it comes to weaves, and I am also very forward so in the event I couldn’t tell, I would definitely give you a “tug test” or a “finger run” test. Unless your stylist is Jesus Christ himself, I’ll sniff you out.
I’ve been on this hair topic before and it’s been argued that men fantasize about video vixens and actresses all of whom have weaves and I should calm down. But as a man who works w/ what he has sans additives, I appreciate the natural over the equine any day.
Reply
Renee Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I’m not offended its a preference, 2 Months ago I was wearing my hair natural (no chemicals), now I have braids, next I’m getting a weave. You can’t expect a woman to keep her hair one specific way to make you happy, its as unrealistic as expecting her not to gain any weight. I also fail to believe you would slam the door in Beyonce’s face if she showed up weaved out. I would love to to read your post on this topic.
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
“You can’t expect a woman to keep her hair one specific way to make you happy, its as unrealistic as expecting her not to gain any weight.”
What do you mean by any weight?
Reply
The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, All For It Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Braids are acceptable, so is a little weight gain, but let me be very clear and honest…not only would I slam the door on B, I’d make sure the door hit her on the way out. Yes, yes I would. There is no need for there to be half a head of hair on my night stand every time we get it poppin.
So to be perfectly clear, I would slam the door in Beyonce’s face. Trust me.
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
“So to be perfectly clear, I would slam the door in Beyonce’s face. Trust me.”
So, yeah, I kinda love you for this.
Reply
ASmith Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Uh. Me too.
No shade to Beyonce. Gon’ and be a 10, pimpin. Be a 10.Reply
Renee Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Whoa whoa whoa I was in training, my Blackberry died and I missed all this.
@ Slim
I was just making a general reference to how general appearance changes over time, and Weight was the easiest one I could find. I was being short so I didn’t explain more.
@RCLS
I totally give you props for have a preference and sticking by it. However, I know of men who prefer long hair but will date a girl with short hair or a weave. I have a friend who had a very specific type in college (Darkskin, slim, long hair) but he recently fell inlove with a Woman who was light skin with a weave.
My argument is, its unrealistic to say “No weave ever” that to me is a short term goal for Miss. Rightnow. Mrs. Right may have long permed hair when you meet her, 2 years down the line she may decide to go natural and chop it off, 8 months after she may want to get a weave because
she misses her long hair. I just think your being unrealistic in your expectation.
I’ve only been natural for 1 year and I was dating a guy who told me he loved my hair natural and I should never change it. First of all, in the words of India Arie “I am not my hair”. To me that’s almost an insult, who are you to tell me never to change my hair. How about you agree to never get fat, or never have a bummy day.
Lastly, I appreciate the love on the natural end. I actually thought I would attract a different kind of man after I went natural but that was not the case at all. I think as more black women decide to do it, black men have been really accepting. I won’t comment on the true test of beauty thing, I don’t want to be vain lol.
.
Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Both short and natural have grown on me as I have experienced more.
However I think its the ultimate judge of how pretty you really are. If you are just smedium in the face and you go short or get locks, people are going to see you for what you really are. Perms and weaves really cover up flaws well.
Shorty went short(er) about a year ago. I kicked and screamed and threaten to beat up her stylist. But at the end of the day.. I really liked it. Prettiest face in the world and everyone got to see it. But that line up in the back aint as sexy during backshots. The back of someone’s neck just isn’t sexy.
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I disagree with the back of the neck thing. Just needed to say that asap.lol.
Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
once again
***damn***
I wonder who you are talking about?
lol. Love bare backs (pun intended) but bare necks. They are all nappy and ishh. Looks like you are doing a man (pause).
Reply
Ms. Cherry Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
However I think its the ultimate judge of how pretty you really are. If you are just smedium in the face and you go short or get locks, people are going to see you for what you really are. Perms and weaves really cover up flaws well.
I agree. There was this girl who I went to grade school with who everyone thought was the prettiest chick around. My mom was a hair dresser and first thing out her mouth when she saw her was “she better not every cut her hair”. I think you have to know what hairstyle is flattering on your face. I would never rock a super low cut cause I think don’t thing my head is the right shape for that. I don’t wear a center part because it makes my face look extra round.
Somebody… actually let me be specific… a MAN was telling me he saw her earlier this year and how having kids had ruined her looks. When I saw her myself she looked exactly the same… she just cut her hair lol.
Reply
Welp, I guess I’m odd, ’cause I don’t ask for what I’m not. I’m not a Jet centerfold, but I do have a healthy bosom and nice legs. I’m tall, so that’s a requirement; I can’t do below 6’0 (I’m 5’8). I’m not skinny either, so I’m cool if a dude doesn’t have a six pack–he can’t be sloppy tho, cause I do go to the gym at least 3x/week.
I think that it is both men and women that have unrealistic expectations of what they want in a mate, but IMO, it is more likely that a woman will deal with a man that is not her physical ideal if he has other things going on. Look at Big Pun, or Rick Ross; those dudes have “mitties” (man titties) and it doesn’t stop them from pulling chicks. And before you say it, I know its cause of their status and the money, but how often do you see ugly rich chicks with super hot dudes?
I truly think women are more likely to “settle” for someone physically unattractive that can do for them what they need than men are…but that just what I think…
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Ya know what. Under the age of 40 I can’t think of very many ugly rich women. Maybe that’s cuz they all have plastic surgery.lol.
Reply
MyzDevyneOne Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
That’s true…I was looking at Fortune’s Top 30 Richest People under 40, and of the 5 women that are on it, all of them are actresses/entertainers.
When I looked up the Richest WOMEN, they were all over 50+, with the youngest being Oprah. But my theory still kinda applies…’cause women will hook up with an old dude with swagg and money in a heartbeat. Look at Hugh Heffner or the old dude Anna Nicole married!
Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
well… allow me to put on my hater hat.
I think LL Cool J’s wife is butt.
DMX is on crack but women loved him ten years ago. Yet his wife has a paynus. Not looks like she has a paynus.. HAS paynus.
D Wade’s ex wife was trash.
and to be honest Denzel’s wife aint that popping. He should have left her for Sanaa when he has the chance.
And lets not forget Bill and Hillary.
Eff it lets be honest. Other than her butt Michelle is lucky to have Barrack (yeah I said it!).
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
“And lets not forget Bill and Hillary.”
Ok, honestly, which one here is settling? lol
Reply
Reecie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
right, but people will assume its Bill cuz I think some folks equate power with sexy on a man. and while he’s not really handsome, he is powerful. Bill got hella groupies. lol
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
It’s that saxo-mo-phone with the shades. lol
Reply
Nyela Goodness Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
“and to be honest Denzel’s wife aint that popping.”
Gasp! You will not talk about Pauletta!
Reply
Tunde Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
“And before you say it, I know its cause of their status and the money,”
are they really settling in this case or are they groupies and gold diggers? if its the latter then it really doesn’t matter if they with someone who isn’t attractive. they are dating the money and prestige not that actual person.
Reply
To think highly of ones self is not a bad thing, if more folk thought highly of themselves, there wouldn;t be so many haters……. Yes I KNOW I am THAT brawd but do I go around putting others down, being condescening etc or just real thirsty wit it…NO never…If me feeling good about myself disturbs you, well thats thats a personal problem, your issue not mine! Please believe I pay the costs to be me…..
Reply
Tunde Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
“To think highly of ones self is not a bad thing”
this is very true. i know i think i’m a big deal. #onmycockyshit
Reply
N.I.A. is more than a 10... get wit' it or get lost! Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
I don’t know how to put this but I’m kind of a big deal…
But I don’t go around putting down those with unfortnate visages. Who has the time….
Reply
Hm.
Here’s the thing, Slim “Has nothing to do with my meat” Jackson… While I see ur point that some of the fugliest (inside and out) people hate the most and have the highest expectations, I have 3 comments to this post:
1. It’s kinda conflicting to assert that people should “know their own league” so to speak, and not expect a 10 when they’re a 4.5, yet out the other side get on people for saying things like “she must have a great personality”. Its either one or the other. Either people should be less shallow and consider people for their full package inside and out, or people should only date ppl who are of equal or lesser physical appearance to their own. I dunno, just saying.
2. I think oftentimes ppl set ridiculously high standards to protect themselves. If they don’t see themselves as attractive, they can just deflect their own faults onto everyone else and therefore never get close to anyone or get hurt. I have a lot of friends that do this, and most of them remain single.
3. I tell all my hater friends the same thing when this topic comes up… You don’t know their heart. You only know your own. What makes some people stand out in a crowd, or what makes us melt when they’re around? What do we see in the new Charger when we could get a BMW? I dunno, who knows. But its what my heart wants, and I’m the only one who knows my heart (and I don’t have to explain it to anyone else).
American muscle is back (had to say it). =P
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Beast of a comment. I like the challenge.
I’m not saying that people should know their own league per say. I was focusing just on looks/physical appearance alone with the post. That’s why I didn’t get into anything else. People typically react off of what they see before they even hear a word come out the person’s mouth. I also really wasn’t trying to prove a point as much as I was trying to provide a perspective based on my personal experiences.
I’m glad we gave you that award a while back though. I had to stop and scratch my head for a moment.lol.
Reply
CHeeKZ wants everyone who has seen Madagscar 2 to assume this comment is made with his Moto Moto voice Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
yeah baby.
I know you like ‘em Chunky.
I’m big.
I’m bad.
I’m after that Monkey.
on a sidenote.. you gotta be on top. I don’t want to crush you. And all that athletic ishh Slim and RCLS be doing… I’m out. This is the office for plus size cocksmen. Down the hall and too the left for those ‘Ving Rhames in Baby Boy type moves’.
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Yeah, all that stuff you said was cool, but…
Have you seen the new Camaro? A beast!!!
Reply
“Most of the women going in about the appearance of others aren’t that attractive themselves.”
this i don’t get. when i see examples of this often and i just shake my head. it makes a person look insecure and jealous. i know i notice people’s appearances often but most times i keep my comments to myself because i know i can think some mean shit. if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.
as far as the issue of mismatched couples, you like who you like. i’m not going judge someone for dating someone who is physically out their league. i know i’m not a bad looking guy and i know i’ve probably been with women and people wondered what she saw in me. on the flip side i know i’ve dated down (as far as the looks department) and people prob gave her the side eye. but i dated her for my reasons and not anyone else’s.
Reply
I am not going to lie. I have been on both sides of this story.
I broke up with a girl and later go back with her. She told me about how during the break up certain associates would come up to her and bad mouth CHeeKZ: “Eff Cheekz. I don’ know why you got with him. He aint cute”. Now its one thing to go after an ex.. negroes are dawg and if you aint in true2life I aint going to hate. But to throw dirt on my name and gas a chick’s head? Unacceptable. He was chastized and kicked out the team. That is the difference. Men won’t stand for petty actions from other men.
Another example, my ‘handsome’ friend was dating this girl that.. I didn’t like. Other people commented on her looks, and for the first couple of months of dating I didn’t say anything. Than I got to know her personality and I hated her more. They were a horrible together and he wasn’t happy. So I hated heavy. But its not like I was trying to break them up b/c I wanted said wack bird. Its really a question of what is the reason behind your hate?
Reply
OrangeStar616 Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
your example of petty actions was from within your circle tho not the outside world..most times when dude are jealous of other dudes alot of the time its turns violent, thats one of the bigger differences
Reply
I am not an attractive woman. I know this, anyone who see’s me know’s it. If I had to gauge myself, i would put myself as slightly less than average. My last serious b/f was beautiful, there are no other words to describe how he looked… Perfect skin, perfect hair, phenominal body(and perfect penis to boot). If you were to look at him, you would never think he would have been with someone that looks like me. But none of those things were what attracted me to him, all of his physical qualities are what made me not really that interested in him until I got to know his personality and sense of humor. He asked me out several times before I agreed to go out with him.
We went to a club one night and were on the dance floor gettin our groove on, when out of no where this woman comes up and steps in between us quickly and says “what the hell are you doing with HER?” As I reached out to grab the back of her head to show her exactly what my opinion of her was, my b/f reached out and took my hand and said…someone that ugly is not worth your effort( he ment ugly on the inside) and kissed me.
I’ve never been one to judge people on their exterior. The inside means much more to me than what they look like. People see past what I look like and see who I really am instead of just the packaging because I’m pretty sure if people didn’t go past my exterior I would have had a pretty lonely life.
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
1st thing 1st, things for dropping by to leave such a substantial and honest comment. It is very much appreciated. I think you provided a perspective that not even I expected to hear from anybody today. I hope you continue to make your way back to this here blog and comment going forward.
Reply
Miss Jenkins Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
“As I reached out to grab the back of her head to show her exactly what my opinion of her was…”
Go ‘head girl!!
“The inside means much more to me than what they look like. People see past what I look like and see who I really am instead of just the packaging because I’m pretty sure if people didn’t go past my exterior I would have had a pretty lonely life.”
I second Slim’s comments. Your candor and sense of self are to be admired. Most of us aren’t the baddest chick in the room…and that’s fine. There are so many other things that matter.
Reply
So let me drop a verse on this.
My name is Streetz and I’m self conscious. I’m always looking to better myself physically, and hold myself to a hig standard. My inner 16yr old So. California white girl reminds me that I aint shyt and need to keep up in the gym daily, as she tells me “ohemgee ur like suuuch a cow!” and I like toootally dig it. Fa sho.
I say this because I know the type of women I like and the physical qualities that I can do without (love handles, super bellies, smoking etc). If Im going to hold you to that standard I need to practice what I preach.
If I see a dude who I feel I look better/have more stature than pulling a bad chick, I call it out but then acknowledge that he has an intangible that works for him. I stand and cheer as that other fellow stars, and secretely want to know this intangible to add to my repetoire.
Women will find reasons to hate on any chick, especially exes, but thats another blog.
Reply
One important fact, that will probably get me yelled at, but is important to making this a female phenomena is that …
Men can generally pull women better looking than themselves, but women can’t.
Since as a guy we are judged on a lot of characteristics besides our looks that are easily noticed (money, job, clothes) that a lot of women don’t. When it comes to first impressions, a sold 4 of a guy has a lot to enhance himself, but with the importance most guys put on looks compared to all else … most women don’t have as many equalizers. Even the female equalizers (shoes, hair, padded bra, etc) are mainly looks related.
So … what was the point of that … u know …
Reply
OrangeStar616 Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
thats because a man in the tradional sense is thought of as a provider, so if he demonstrates that he is capable of providing properly, even tho he may very well provide very little, outside of some sh*ts and giggles, and/or some d*ck and a smile..its the notion that gets him over with most women even if he looks like a boogerwolf………
a man prettier than me is not something I am generally attracted to @ all, I like handsome counterparts @ least, if only in my eyes…
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
wtf is a boogerwolf? I almost choked on this lifesaver…go figure.
Reply
Streetztalk Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
U never heard that before lol
Reply
OrangeStar616 Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
LLS someone not very easy on the eyes or stomach….I memba when I first heard that term I was crying laughin LOL
Reply
I think a lot of women fake the funk. They ask why we prefer certain women or bash the slim light, dark, good hair, whatever women out there. Honestly if Im not feelin you and you’re not my type then CURVE and find your own!
Too many times have I seen the physically less fortunate hate, then want a model to wife them. #Theswindle must stop my people!
Reply
I really wanna delve into this what seems to be a great convo, but I seriously can’t make a coherent comment because of that Boris picture, Slimmie. Thanks….
gdjkfjslfjsoujwioeuwo
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
You could have just typed “monsoon cooch” and it would have had the same impact as the random letters you typed.lol.
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Yeah, that was in the ancient explosion language…
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
lol at ancient explosion. I’m going to find a way to say that at work.
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Please report back with results.
Reply
CHeeKZ wants everyone who has seen Madagscar 2 to assume this comment is made with his Moto Moto voice Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
A) I’m jealous
B) that ninja is ghaye.
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
A) You shouldn’t be…wait…no, you shouldn’t be.
B) He’s as ghaye as a straight line.
Reply
I forgot to mention that I once dated a woman for her looks and I dumped her in about 4-6 weeks. Had to throw the trophy in the trash.
Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
**damn**
I wonder which one you are talking about?
Reply
Nyela Goodness Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
::hate.hate.hate.hate:: She wasn’t that cute. ::hate.hate:: Was mad regulah and ish. ::hate:: Iono why you was wit her anyway. ::hate.hate:: I’m just sayin… ::justification::
Reply
@Slim
Thanks you boo. You always keep me intellectually moist. I missed you.
@cheekZ
I’m okay with being on top. As long as ur thing is proportionately thick with ur body. I love fat boys!! Call me Chubby Chaser. I keep trying to get the boo to get fat so I can have something to rub on when we cuddle that doesn’t feel like rocks!
@seattle
I almost put Camaro… But as the proud owner of a GT 500, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I love my baby too much to betray him!! (But I did almost have an e-gasm when I first saw the C-word in real life).
@cheekie
I know right!! Borris does leave me speechless sometimes… That’s why I had to comment all late cuz I was busy cleaning up the mess he made at my desk with them abs & pecks… =P
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Girl, I feel ya! Had to use all my H1N1 corporate provided hand sanitizer, disinfectant wipes and ish!
Ok, lemme stop…
Reply
Tunde Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
this right here has me dying laughing: Joey will settle for a 4 if his meat is close to 10.
Reply
Reecie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
most women would. well na, maybe a 6, 6.5, to keep it funky. lol. so I’ve been told…
Reply
N.I.A. is more than a 10... get wit' it or get lost! Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
oh no Reecie… he has to at least have an 8 if I have to stare at his ugly mug…
Reply
Reecie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
even if he had a good personality and was smart too? for real Nia? ok what about a 7? lol
Reply
Streetztalk Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
When the lights are off.. everyones a 7…lol
Reply
Reecie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
and there it is. LOL
Reply
Some people don't like the way N.I.A. walk Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
I like to keep the lights on, so…. may I suggest some ExtenZe for the notsowell endowed
Reply
Reecie Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
I thought we already said the peen was a 10. extenze can’t make the rest of him morph from 7. but I feel you though. lol
Reply
N.I.A. is more than a 10... get wit' it or get lost! Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
LOL!! yeah, i misread that. But still, I like the lights on… besides, I would marry a 7 with a 10 peen… as long as he has good credit and doesn’t live with his mother. lol!
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
It’s funny how one of the ugliest parts of the human body can make someone more attractive. I think I will term this d*ck delirium.
Reply
Streetztalk Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Its actually the Penile Paradox. Pause?
Tunde Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
so a 9 would settle for a 6 if he had a strong stroke game? hmmm. i could see a 7 settling for a 6 but c’mon. lol
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
We both know what many women will do for good D or to keep receiving it. I’m not surprised at this at all.
Reply
So this is a random and tangentially related comment. I think like attracts like and I always know when i’m putting on weight…cause the big boys come out trying to holla. I think they look like oh she got some weight on her she might actually like my D sized mitties…*shudders*.
Folks have talked about “dating down” because the SO has other qualities…but what if your really a 10 thinking your a 5 and trying to be “realistic” dating that ugh mug.
Reply
I’ve been reading a lot of explanations as to why ppl act this way, but not much about how we enable the perpetrators.
Perhaps hatesters need to get called on themselves more often. If they haven’t seen themselves lately, be a dear friend & hold a mirror to their faces so they can get a good look.
I have no patience for such behaviors & surround myself with friends who don’t either, but I always wonder what men (or women) say to their hate-spewing homegirls (or homeboys) in response to their cattiness. Do they stand up for their friends or s.o.?
I’ve witnessed situations in which a chick will’ve said something similar to the remarks Slim cited, & dudes just laugh it off or ignore it (out of the awkwardness of it all I’m sure). In the end tho, chick just boosted her spirits, feels encouraged, & won’t hesitate to strike again when she needs another pick-me-up.
If good friend checks homegirl/boy on it, homie will most likely know not to spew that hate (around that friend @ least) nemore.
Ain’t nada cool, cute, or attractive about reenforcing self-esteem @ the expense of others.
Reply
with all these things said, attraction is a very strange animal, not to be contained, even by our own preferences…esp when cupid takes aim!
Reply
First of all this is a spot on blog. Second I never let the conversation get passed “She ain’t cute”. I tell my female friends, ex/girl at the time your opinion on another chic does not count. Especially if I find her attractive or cute in some way. Reason being is that if a guy sat back and said you know Denzel Washington is an average looking dude, or Brad Pitt. Not one chic I know, or you know is going to pay attention. Shit there will be guys looking at me crazy. So how would what I think even count? It doesn’t. The problem is we don’t check that shit. They have best dressed categories and shit that have nothing to do with us guys. We could careless. It exists because they are judgmental and it won’t matter what the girl looked like. Women know they are harder on each other. So blaming a man is a cop out when we all know that ya’ll do it. From mothers to daughters. Own it and stop it at the door if you can…Off my soap box…
Reply
lol..this was a good post. Men do it just as much as women. You walkin round w a 2 inch peen hollering u want a melyssa ford look alike ..I HATE IT.
The end.
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
How is it that you compare a 2 inch piece to a man wanting a model type? Yall givin way too much power to the peter.lol. Isn’t there a videoclip with a woman going off about that somewhere?
Reply
My mother stopped me from making comments about other women’s appearance a LONG time ago. I remember walking through the mall with her talking about other women like she was my girl friend who was gonna agree with everything i said. She stopped, looked at me and said, “Lynnette, I don’t see you on the cover of anyone’s magazine!” shut me right on up..lol so hating on other women and what kinda men they can pull isn’t my style
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
October 16th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I think your mom did what a lot of us fail to do when we hear people engaging in this type of tomfoolery. I think I’m going to start doing the same. It’s for the better of the world and my sanity!
Reply