Visit Our Store!
Back to Basics
The following post is probably going to be the exact opposite of what you expected based on the title. Or maybe not.
Last fall, I outlined the Top 5 reasons why women should enthusiastically babysit their SO’s kids. That was based on the premise that the mouth hug being provided is good enough to yield a “sensual eruption”. A recent survey sponsored by the League of Cocksmen found that of the 47% of men that complained that their significant other did not swallow, an astounding 72% of them stated that their lovers had never actually even brought them to an orgasm via oral sex. So apparently, I may have been getting ahead of myself by assuming that proper Woppington technique is universal standard procedure, so I’ll cover the basics. This may be brand new information for some or a review for others, but good information for all to have.
Adequate Moisture
One of the most common errors committed while administering mouth hugs is failure to apply an adequate of amount of saliva to the area in question during the act. Take a moment to think of the amount of water it takes to wash your hair. You could always try to wash your hair with just a bowl of water, but naturally it makes more sense to wash your hair with a constant source of water available that will give you enough to get the job done. Same idea here. The more “lather” you can generate to accomplish the task the better. This will also alleviate some of that nagging neck pain that has a tendency to pop up halfway through the deed. And don’t be afraid to spit on it. He probably won’t admit, but he likes that sh*t. Just don’t miss and hit him in the stomach. That could be awkward.
Hand-Head Coordination
Using your hands and head at the same time does not necessarily equate to good hand and head coordination, the same way just putting some rice in a pot with water is not going to give you an edible side dish. It requires a little more effort than that and luckily it not as complicated as trying to rub your belly and pat your head. (I got 5 bucks there’s someone out there sitting at their desk trying to do that right now.) Everything has to happen all in one motion. Your hand can’t be going 20 miles an hour in one direction and your mouth 30 miles an hour in another. There is a very fine line between creative technique and simply being uncoordinated.
Going Further South
A Happy Meal is not complete without French Fries and no blowj*b is complete without a good undercarriage wash. This is not one of the more glamorous parts of giving your man special attention, but it is a fundamental part of doing a complete job. It also gives you a good opportunity to speed the process up with your hand while you are exploring the southern most regions of your SO’s manhood. Don’t make excuses about the extra foliage in that area, just work around it.
Enthusiasm
Practice makes perfect, but enthusiasm will put you over the top. An enthusiastic mouth hug will always get the job done. The key to making all these suggestions work is the amount of effort you put into it. Enthusiasm is easy enough, right? If all else fails, just fake it.
Hopefully I’ve helped a few lost souls out there, but in reality, I really just wanted to talk about head on Humpday. Any questions?
Spread love, it’s the Brooklyn way,
RSS & Twitter
-
“Don’t make excuses about the extra foliage in that area, just work around it.”
But men use that as an excuse to not reciprocate for us ladies all the time…#wassupwitdat? hmmmmmmm
Other than that, your post makes sense…and you should also add, if all else fails, watch some decent porn and see how those ladies do it…or just ASK him what he likes and do it (it REALLY shouldn’t be rocket science)…men should, of course, do the same.
Reply
Kriola Reply:
April 15th, 2010 at 4:46 am
yeah I have no problem with the undercarriage but I would be way more enthusiastic if the foliage was trimmed, I don’t want to come up with hair in my teeth, and I keep mine clean for you (its really for myself but ya know lol)
Reply
I’m all about the undercarriage wash. It’s like a nice little break when your jaw gets tired. I can’t believe some ladies sleep on that trick.
Reply
Miss Jenkins Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 9:36 am
*trying to preserve my wholesome imagine so I’ll keep this short*
Yeah word.
hehehe
Reply
InsomniaPoet Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 11:34 am
I am so sleep on this trick. I have NEVER gone there…it is just too much for me.
Reply
Ditto! Also co-sign on the porn flicks for the techniques. And communication (WOW!) with your partner b/c what works for one may not work for the other.
Reply
All you needed to say was adequate moisture and enthusiasm
Reply
“an astounding 72% of them stated that their lovers had never actually even brought them to an orgasm via oral sex.”
Da hell??? This is unnacceptable. I understand that a lot of times, head is used as a warm-up to the main event and women just want to jump on it after a while, but how is this even possible? I pride myself on this right here, and can’t understand that some women (and men) just don’t worry about getting their partner ALL THE WAY at least once in a while with just oral.
Sidenote – I just can’t take the word “lover” seriously.
Reply
The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele LLC, Now Federally Funded Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 11:56 am
60% of statistics are made up on the spot.
Reply
SaneN85 Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 11:58 am
Still, that made up statistic came from somewhere. That leads me to believe that it would be at least 1%, and that is unnacceptable on it’s own.
Reply
MadScientist7 Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
62% of the time it works everytime. *shrug*
Reply
Nick_L_Odeon Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
LOL@ “Anchorman”..
“the original sex panther”
Nick
Reply
great list. on point. moisture and enthusiasm are the most important on here.
” And don’t be afraid to spit on it. He probably won’t admit, but he likes that sh*t.”
damn that. i’ll admit it. spit on that ish.
ladies, i know what your asking yourself. and the answer is yes i have a nickname for my penis. i call it the octagon. i also named my testes. the left one is kenneth noisewater and the right one is dr. paul westphaul. who can name this quote?
ladies please don’t forget mr. noisewater and dr. westphaul. they need special attention as well.
Reply
Peyso Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
ANCHORMAN!!!!!!!!!
Reply
MadScientist7 Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
yep. brian fantana. i’m going to watch that ish tonight when i get home.
Reply
i had to laugh..
i’m for the undercarriage wash..(laugh at that name) whilst you’re there, you should also try to “suck the cherries” (use your imagination).. if you can get both, i’ve heard that’s a good look too.. even better if you can juggle them.. don’t live down there, but don’t be scurred either..
*tosses confetti in air*
“i’m jamaican, i like tea bags..”
Reply
Andrienne Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
“i’m jamaican, i like tea bags..”
**DEAD**
**DIED**
**DEADERER**
Anyhoo, I never can understand why ppl (read:women) are hesistant to up their brain game. Practice makes perfect. I’m working on having no gag reflex so I can surprise the hell out of my bf the next time I see him.
Reply
Peyso Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
How u working on it w/ him not around? *major side eye*
Reply
BK'sFinest Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Banana Perhaps? Or maybe she’s a cucumber/pickle type of girl…
Reply
Andrienne Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
@ Peyso anything I stick in my mouth is fair game.
@ BK’sFinest exactly, anything works. Just takes me longer to eat a banana that’s all. Or when I brush my teeth, brush a little further back each time.
Reply
Bottom of my shaft…
middle and index finger on one side, thumb on the other.
Down with heavy pressure.
Up with light pressure..
Bop your head TOGETHER with the motion of your hand.
Repeat…
Than talk to me with your mouthful..
now shallow.
Thank You.
Reply
Nick_L_Odeon Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
WOW..
#thatisall
Reply
The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele LLC, Now Federally Funded Reply:
April 14th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Rinse…repeat…
Reply
Kriola Reply:
April 15th, 2010 at 4:50 am
LMAO!!!! I don’t understand the talking tho, I try but then I drool and thats not too cute, and can you really understand what I’m saying???
Reply