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Brotherly Love
*Thanks to JG for indirectly inspiring this post*
"C'mon son..."
Last week JG retweeted a young Black man who requested that we brothers “tell another black man you love him…RIGHT NOW.” I told her I was good on that. Explicitly, I told her that daps, pounds and liquor induced showings of emotion were more than enough. She responded by saying, “that’s the problem.” Is it really though?
That’s what we do. I can count on my hands how many times I’ve shown some sort of real emotion to my boys. And they were dire times. For example, I remember coming into the house after that incident and I got all emo because my short term memory and speech were all messed up. Yeah. Slim looked at me with a blank stare that said, “Dog, I dunno what to do” and I subsequently manned the fuck up. There are times for emotion and there aren’t. Here’s what I observed are appropriate times:
Beginning and End
Your boy had a child, specifically a girl, man it’s time to show love. I bought a pink onesy and some baby clothes for my boy’s baby daughter and subsequently I was touched when he said that’s what she would be coming home in on her first night. Even the hardest G can’t refute that that’s kind of cool. Likewise, if there’s a death. Emotion is cool, but we can’t be seen tearing up and shit. My eyes were watery when the founder of my chapter died (R.I.P. James Cain) and I still haven’t lived that down. I learned that day why exactly dude’s rock shades to funerals.
During or After Drinking
You know why it was acceptable for those guys from the Budweiser commercials to say, “I love you man”? It’s because they had a Budweiser in their hand. The only times I ever heard dudes express their “true” feelings is when they’re heavily intoxicated. A few hours with Jack Daniels and lips will get flapping. It’s what happens. And nothing, I mean nothing, is brought up the next day.
On Wax
Not all of us are gifted enough to be a musician, some “musicians” are gifted enough either, but those select few that are get the chance to do a dedication song. There’s usually one song on the album that’s for the artist’s homies that didn’t make it or are locked up. Jay Z did it on “Song Cry”, T.I. did it on “Live in the Sky”. But only one. They don’t do two, that’s too much emo. See the new Kid Cudi album for more details. No shots.
Disguised in a Diss
“Things aren’t the same without you, you rat bastard.” “Congratulations (on random accolade) fam, you still ain’t sh!t though.” “Hey, f*ck you man.”
That’s pretty much the gist of it kids. And y’know, I’m cool with that. I really don’t need many random, spontaneous showings of love from my friends. I know who I can count on and who i can’t, who’s down for the cause and who’s not just from instances that I’ve listed. But can you think of any other times a dude’s shown emotion towards their boys? And is it really a problem that we don’t do it more often?
Seattle – Stoic Like George – Washington
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I don’t think it’s a problem… if it’s a universal thing and yaw are okay with it, I love it.
oh and primero, chicos.
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right its not a problem, dudes show love to one another all the time *kanye shrug*….LOL…..now do women??? LMAO honey maybe if folk aren’t threatned by you, but if so chile your presence alone causes a commotion, now some folk are just cool regardless, its kinda like a recognition and sort of mutual respect thing, like real recognizes real, and those are the types I tend to associate with…..
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During or After Drinking
You know why it was acceptable for those guys from the Budweiser commercials to say, “I love you man”? It’s because they had a Budweiser in their hand. The only times I ever heard dudes express their “true” feelings is when they’re heavily intoxicated. A few hours with Jack Daniels and lips will get flapping. It’s what happens. And nothing, I mean nothing, is brought up the next day.
Cuz, that’s the whole damn post right there. I mean, I would cry if one of my boys had a child they actually claimed as their own, but all the bastards I know try to slug it out in paternity court first before acknowledging the kid looks just like him. Deaths are expected of course, but I can’t remember the last time I cried @ funeral. Maybe because if the person is real close to me I cry beforehand or after once it hits, and I NEVER go into the church/funeral parlor while the casket is open. So if you roll up to the funeral and I’m outside peeing on the side of the building, it’s not cuz I’m uncouth, it’s cuz the one ting badman nuh pleh wit is duppy. If you don’t know what a duppy is, consult your nearest West Indian. If you’re in BK, just peek your head out the window and ask someone, chances are they’re West Indian.
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Smiley Face Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:06 am
HAHAHA!!! “Runnin from deh duppy and run up with jumby!” I almost choked on this tea!
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Co-sign on this post. One thing I want to point out is that the
“Alcohol Emo pass” is not to be abused. It is a privilege and not a right. Some dudes try to get away with waaay too much, sort of like the way some guys use “pause” or “no homo”. Sorry buddy, no matter how drunk I am, two dap-half hug combos is good enough for a night and even that’s pushing it. Questionable stuff like trying to dance too close to me in the club will get you the “possible DL” sticker. So yeah, don’t mistake being drunk for an opportunity to show hidden batty boi tendancies.
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Thinks Beanie Siegel should be Obama's personal bodyguard Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 9:57 am
“So yeah, don’t mistake being drunk for an opportunity to show hidden batty boi tendancies.”
Hallelujah, Let the church say amen, wheel and come again.
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I think alot of women expect men to process emotion in the same way and thats a foolish expectation based on our inate differences. I agree with all 4 points
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:20 am
WORD! hence the difference between MEN & women!
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I have one more that’s acceptable Seattle, a Wedding,
That Best Man toast is always emotional, women aren’t the only ones who get teary eyed and mushy.
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Thinks Beanie Siegel should be Obama's personal bodyguard Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:24 am
We checked with the judges, weddings are unacceptable. Unless the groom is crying about the 50K he just spent.
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and1grad Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Even then, fail. No crying at a wedding. No exceptions.
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Yonnie3k Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Whatever! Grooms ALWAYS cry when the bride is walking down the aisle.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 11:59 am
They’re crying because of the impending doom.
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I’ve never been around black men who don’t show each other love *shrugs*…ain’t no arm locking rock away hugs but it’s love just the same, but even brothers who don’t know each other do the dap n’ hug thang y’all do.
I grew up in a household where my dad always hugged my brothers so I’m used to affection being openly shown so one of my HUGE pet peeves is seeing men not show their sons love other than a pat on the head.
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Peyso Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:15 am
I assumed that the father to son relationship was not included in this convo. Before the age of 12, fathers should be very sure to tell their sons that they love them. After the age of 12, every expression of love must be accompanied with a swift punch to the gut. Keep that emo sh!t to a minimum
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Seattle Washington Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:32 am
You’re right, the father/son dynamic was kept off the list. I was more focusing on dudes and their friends.
And usually at the conclusion of any discussion I am swiftly hit on the back causing all the wind to escape from my lungs or I get a stiff punch to my arms or ribs. Whichever opportunity Pops, aka The Young Joe Louis, takes advantage of at the time.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Thank you Peyso.
I think I will be a better father after reading that comment.
**throws all his condoms out the window***
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, This is my Money Dance Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Now why did you have those in the first place?
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Smiley Face Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Peyso…o_O…
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and1grad Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
If my Dad got all emo on me, I’d be concerned. I dont remember needing/wanting hugs from Dad. Mom was softer anyway. Dap/hug, pat on the back, hell…high five. Thats enough. What are we, a greeting card commercial? That said, dap/hug thing was after I was grown anyway. Otherwise, we might’ve bumped into each other once or twice.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:17 am
I think thats another cool a$$ thing, black men do..the dap, handshake, hug thingy……so black & powerful & flavorful LLS
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i’ve never been to funeral before (knocks on wood) so i don’t know if i would cry or not at one.
this past weekend my ace got married and my whole line was there as his groomsmen.as his wife was walking down the aisle and when he said his vows he cried. i would never judge him for that, hell i’ll probably cry at my wedding.
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Thinks Beanie Siegel should be Obama's personal bodyguard Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Did y’all hymn it up? Went to my prophytes wedding this weekend and of course they waited til all the bruhz we’re good and drunk to be like calling all ques to the floor. She’s an AKA so she didnt mind our drunken rendition of Omega Dear.
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LoudPen Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Ques marry AKAs?
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Thinks Beanie Siegel should be Obama's personal bodyguard Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 11:11 am
They sure do, and I’m circulating a petition to make loving/wifing/marrying Reds aka “Scarletivity” illegal nationwide. PNG Love all day, erryday.
You’re cool tho, Jenk.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 11:50 am
I just hope she can cook…
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, This is my Money Dance Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 11:53 am
LOL…negro, can YOU cook?
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, This is my Money Dance Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 11:55 am
You know what….now that I think about it….I take that back. I have been a witness. Or maybe your LS’s did all the work and you put on the finishing touches. Either way, I take it back.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 11:55 am
LOL. I wouldn’t have said it if I couldn’t. I’m just saying…as hungry as da bruhs be all the time, she better know how to fry some chicken.
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Anger Management Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
CO-SIGN!! And you better know how to fry it AND throw it on the grill LOL
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Tunde Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 11:39 am
a lot of bruhs i know end up marrying k’s
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Tunde Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 11:38 am
yep. we sang the hymn (right after atomic dog came on lol) she’s a red so they did the sweetheart song too.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:48 am
You shouldn’t assume those were tears of joy.
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Tunde Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 11:40 am
they were.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Certain kinds of crying while during the wedding ceremonies is ok… if my beau sheds a tear while seeing me walk down the aisle, it’s cool.
But my cousin’s husband boo hoo’d where u loose your breath and while saying vows, he was like “‘scuse me,” from sniffling… that was BAD FORM.
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Reecie Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Like Lance in the Best Man? lol. I think its sweet!
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Reecie, it was something about his that was still not Lance-ish… (perhaps bc he didn’t look like him? owwww- so shallow me. lol).
But he was bawling out. lol. and my cousin wasn’t even crying.
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Loved this post. I think the same should apply for females but I KNOW that it will never happen.
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LoudPen Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I think women shouldn’t be so EMO for the same reason as men. It doesn’t really add anything to the situation unless it’s approriate. Ppl. like to think that women handle their emotions better but the truth is we don’t. If we did, the AK/Mashonda debacle wouldn’t be a topic. Like the whole blogosphere has been buzzing about the situation as if Swizz wasn’t even there when he was the CAUSE of the situation. I mean it just goes to show that women are just as bad at expressing themselves. I think I read on three ways (not sure from who) that Mashonda had no reason to write a letter to AK b/c AK didn’t owe her anything. And that to me, makes perfect sense. They only need to be cordial to each other and that is for the sake of Mashonda & Swizz’s child. No need to write letters and exchange Swizz stories.
The point is Mashonda’s love letter to AK was unecessary b/c it caused even more awkward situations and more internet buzz. If she woulda kept her mouth shut…it mighta been a little better off.
As far as friendship goes, every now and again I tell my close homegirls that they are my ish but, if you say it too much it comes off as fake and insecure. If you love someone, you love them. There is no need to say it, only show it. Trust me, showing love goes way further than saying it. I don’t know if my parents have ever directly said it, but they’ve shown in more than enough ways. And I’d rather have that than a thousand empty I-Love-YOUs.
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Smiley Face Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Trust…it’s easy to show someone love if you know what kind of love they want to see, it can be just as empty as an untrue verbal expression…saying I love doesn’t make the meaning empty. It’s a verbal confirmation of what is shown. I prefer both…I’m not the one to go for years without you tellin me you love me…that just seems weird. If you love me, say it ((C) Brownstone) AND show it.
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I can honestly say I have never seen my brothers cry. In fact they walk quickly out of the rain so that people don’t confuse the rain drops for tears. I like my men hard…ummm pause.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
like Spartans, “only the hard,only the strong”…..no but we are all human tho, don’t want someone so hard, they repress emotion and/or sad feelings….just don’t be a sap or a emo cat LLS
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Yeah i’m not into all that emo shit. Guys tell each other they love each other all the time. They just do it in different ways .. i.e. the shit they don’t do. Like not treating each other good, not fucking a next dude’s girl, not asking a friend to go out his way, not whupping your boys ass.
Its all in the Nots
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I’m down with showing love with a dap. I’m down with showing love, period. It means more to me than just saying it.
That said, if someone gives you a side-eye just because you tell your homie you love ‘em (and he says it back), ain’t that THEY’RE problem? Why does whether you two express the love based on what someone else thinks? That’s probably part of the problem JG* was speaking on…
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Reecie Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
I agree. I have strong opinions about this “no emo” movement but I’m not a man so I’ll just fall back.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Now is definitely the time to share your emotions. ::Holds your hand:: It’s a safe space.
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Streetztalk Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
theres a thin line between Cudi and Curtis when it comes to Emo cats. lol
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Cheekie Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
*Just wanted to note that I DO know the difference between their and they’re. I tend to mix ‘em up when I’m
drinkingworking hard.In other words, that should be THEIR.
*sigh* FML…
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#1
A few hours with Jack Daniels and lips will get flapping. It’s what happens. <= [||]
#2 – When dudes cross that is an acceptable time for tears. No long drawn out shyt, let the neos shed their tears of joy, the chapter a tear OR TWO, then you chant, teach em their first stroll, and head to the afterparty. lol
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Seattle Washington Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Depends on what kind of lips are flapping. Heyo!
**Drum Roll/High Hat**
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I don’t effs with emo dudes…the dude who is super sensitive about non-emotional things like me calling him back, or why I didn’t like the shirt he wore the other day. Not cool.
However, I do like a man who is able to acknowledge that he has feelings. Do share them when you are so moved. Tell folks you care about them. Shed a tear for a major life event. But don’t be crying if I don’t call you back right away.
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BlueFlame Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I agree with this statement 100%. Happened to me last week when i didnt return this guy’s call! And this dude is currently going OFF on twitter about me…yes TWITTER…bc i said i don’t want to be in a relationship with him. (Mind u…when we first started talking he didn’t want a relationship!) Dude is CLEARLY emo and needs a midol.
A guy definitely does need to acknowledge his feelings, it truly shows how much of a man he is…just don’t OD. Life sucks sometimes. Get over it!
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LOL I do not endorse being called out in this fashion. Boo.
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Oh and me inspiring this post.. inspired me to write another post… about this post!
HA!
Take that!!
LOL
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I think this post is true….you hit all the points that emo is needed…lol especially the drinking one…..oh so true
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