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Yeah, I’m Cocky. And What?!
**Today we have a guest post from Max of www.max-logic.com. She’s also a finalist in the Black Weblog Awards. Make sure you vote for her and vote for 3 Ways if you haven’t done so already. I’ll probably be back next week w/ some thunder. -Slim**
Blame Slim for this picture selection. Dirty-minded scoundrel!
If I have anything resembling a #1 fan, it’s a dude who loves to insult me in the comments of my blog posts. He likes to say rude things or make judgements on my personality and has even asked me to write him a list of my valuable qualities because he claims he’s not sure I have any. You know why he does this? Because he wants me. Wait, does I sound a little cocky? Well I guess that’s because I am. As a matter of fact, I’m a lot cocky and I see nothing wrong with that. In fact – I don’t understand why everyone isn’t cocky.
When you come (pause) right down to it, what is cocky really? Isn’t it nothing more than unabashed, enthusiastic, unapologetic confidence in one’s self? I don’t see what’s so wrong with that. In fact, the older I get and the more cocky I become, the more convinced I am that cocky is just a word some un-confident and unhappy person made up to reduce those of us who are bold enough to admit that we’re proud of our accomplishments.
In my not at all humble and incredibly sexy opinion, cocky is just confident with bad PR. They’re two edges of the same sword, aren’t they? To me, confidence is about our own regard for our accomplishments, how we feel inside about the things we put out into the universe. Cocky, on the other hand, is the voice we give to that regard; how we talk about the things we’ve done or achieved.
Let’s look at Kanye West for example. He’s feeling himself so much that he acknowledges being on his own d*ck and he doesn’t care who knows it. Nothing wrong with that is there? The problem lies in the way he chooses to communicate his cockiness – he can be loud, brash, and disruptive about it and that turns people off; rightfully so of course. But that’s not because he’s cocky, it’s because he’s obnoxious. And that’s a different thing altogether.
Ultimately I think the problem lies in the fact that it’s not an acceptable thing in our society to make simple statements of truth if they are in any way self-congratulatory. So a girl who gets the doorman at her city’s hottest spot to let her into a packed party ahead of the line-up and with no cover can’t say he did it because she’s hot and he wants her. She’s supposed to say he did it because he’s a nice guy. If you win an award and in your acceptance speech you say “of course I won – I was the best competitor by far” it would be wrong; you’re supposed to be thankful and honored to have been acknowledged. In this world, modesty – even when it’s false – will win you far more favor than an honest assessment of your attributes and accomplishments.
But when you really think about it, isn’t modesty really just hypocrisy? Isn’t it a bit far-fetched of us to expect people to believe that we don’t regard the stuff we put out into universe to be the best or better than what other people do? If you’re an artist recording a song, don’t you expect it to be loved and downloaded and nominated for awards? You must expect that or you wouldn’t put it out there in the first place. So why then are you supposed to act surprised when all that happens? When a blogger puts his post up and encourages people to read it, why is he supposed to act surprised and touched when people actually do? Isn’t that what he expected? It just doesn’t make any sense to me.
Maybe I am the way I am because of my upbringing. I was raised by parents who valued obedience over accomplishment. Now that I’m an adult, my mother cares far more about when I last changed my sheets than how many Black Weblog Awards I’m nominated for (3! Vote for me!). So without the luxury of a crowd of supporters cheering me on, I have no choice but to cheer for myself as loudly as possible. Then again, maybe I’m this way because I’m just so convinced of my own dopeness that I see no reason to hide it.
Either way, I’m on my cocky ish and I’m never getting off except for when…
What do you guys think? Do you see the validity of my “cocky is good” philosophy of life? Do you think a little modesty goes a long way? Are you on your cocky ish too? At what point does cocky cross over into lameness?
Cockily,
Max
59 Responses to “Yeah, I’m Cocky. And What?!”
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This is a timely topic, as I wrote about this recently because I got called “ugly” for the second time in my life and it threw me for a proverbial loop.
Anyway, I see nothing wrong with being cocky. I have tattoo’d on me. It’s a testament and I’m not ashamed of it. In fact, my ‘cockiness’ is what’s allowed me to accomplish a lot in life because when others doubted me myself grandiose-ocity (yeah I made it up) propelled me forward. Siting Kanye as you did above, “Coulda let the dream killers, kill my self esteem,
Or use the arrogance as a steam that power my dreams.” I chose the latter.
Also, I have to quote the boys Clipse as I often do when people ask me why I’m so cocky: “I tried being humble, humble go no respect.”
PS…Im by no means conceited, please dont get it confused.
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WisdomIsMisery Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 12:16 am
*Re-read my comment above and now I’m dropping the grammatically correct version. I know #BlackPeople judge lol:
“This is a timely topic, as I wrote about this recently because I got called ‘ugly’ for the second time in my life and it threw me for a proverbial loop.
Anyway, I see nothing wrong with being cocky. I have it tattoo’d on me. It’s a testament and I’m not ashamed of it. In fact, my ‘cockiness’ is what’s allowed me to accomplish a lot in life because when others doubted me, my grandiose-ocity (yeah I made it up) propelled me forward. Citing Kanye as you did above, ‘Coulda let the dream killers, kill my self esteem, or use the arrogance as the steam that powers my dreams.’ I chose the latter.
Also, I have to quote the boys Clipse as I often do when people ask me why I’m so cocky: ‘I tried being humble, humble got no respect.’
PS…I’m by no means conceited, please don’t get it confused.”
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:50 am
I like those quotes. I also got a nice one from the good Dr. Jay: “I’m not cocky, I’m convinced”. I love that.
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Reecie Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 11:34 am
I always liked “I’m not conceited, I’m just convinced” but I do think thats an sorority chant, lol.
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L.Dejean Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 12:21 am
i knew you would comment and beat me to the number 1 spot, lol!
I remember that blog post…and i think we had a bit of an exhange! Thinking about being called ugly now, in Elem school, this girl used to call me ugly & told me to take off my halloween mask…but i look the same as i did back then (facially) and no one has called me ugly (and if they felt so, they never told me to my face). If it is one thing that my father is, is very very confident about his looks & that of the looks of his children…he’s told me he has no ugly children…i believe him, lol.
I definitely get more props for being humble then when i’m being a bit cocky (rare moments)…maybe it is different for the genders and if not general, then between you & I and perhaps a few others.
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:53 am
I think saying I have no ugly children is a West Indian thing….my mum says that all the time. It’s true though.
I think people give props for humility because it makes them feel better about themselves though. I think grandiose people can make the people around them feel small and that’s why they don’t rate it.
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Yea, my dad is Haitian and he is the most confident one i’ve ever met! I definitely think its a West Indian thing though I’ve met ugly West Indians (up until a few years ago, i thought there were no ugly Trinis…boy was I proven wrong! lol)!
That could quite possibly be the case but I also think that it is valued trait in some professions. Like in Education, you can’t be cocky talking to parents or your principal…it definitely will not go over well. I know people with grandiose sense of self and it is very unbecoming of them, not because it makes me feel small (technically, I am small) but because it is borderline delusional and sometimes, you just want the delusions to stop & have the person come back to the real world…maybe that’s just me.
I have no problem with cocky people…i think that when people are really OD with it, then I am just less likely to be around that person or pay them any mind.
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I’m quite the opposite…i only talk about my accomplishments when people ask or it comes up in a conversation. If i talk about it, i don’t brag. This is not to say I’m proud of the things I’ve accomplished or the places I’ve been but there are some people who could care less so why waste time on deaf ears? Everyone is different and i can appreciate the difference in personality. I would just hope that someone wouldn’t try to one up me or throw ish in my face repeatedly (there are some that do that).
I do wonder about the dude that comments on your blog only to bash you. That seems like some “i’m going to hit you because i like you as if we are still in elementary school” type ish.
Good post
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:53 am
I’m telling you – it has to be because he Facebook creeped me and fell in love. No one can get themselves so worked up over a blog post unless there’s some feelings behind it.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
which blog post are y’all talking about?
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
we’re just talkin about one of the people who comments on her blog that gets emotional #allCarlThomas about what she writes about…i don’t think it is a distinct post.
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
That is a mess! He just had to peep you on fb and it was a wrap? you must remind him of an ex who really effed him up…there is no reason to let someone get in your head that much and you don’t even know them!
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*plays Christina Aguliera’s Vanity as I think of my reply*
I don’t see a thing wrong with being cocky. I think of it as you loving yourself and as Christina says in the song how can you love anyone else if you don’t love yourself? It is what it is, and I love me some Kanye. Yeah he can be a bit much at times but he’s honest! You know what you are getting when it comes to him and I personally prefer that over people who aren’t sure of themselves and have to be fake. With confidence comes a truth about yourself, for some it may be a blind truth but they know who they are.
“If you don’t believe in yourself, who will?”.
How can believing in yourself be lame?
I liked the hypocrisy part of the post too. If you know you are good at what you do, how you look then I don’t know why you have to feign humility. That right there isn’t being honest. Take for instance Kanye again, there is cockiness just dripping off of him. He knows he’s bad. Then look at Lebron James, he wants to be cocky but he’s not honesty with it. He comes across as kind of loserish because he wants to be liked,he wants people to see he’s humble. And that’s not what confidence is about.
I’m talking/typing too much.
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:54 am
“If you know you are good at what you do, how you look then I don’t know why you have to feign humility.”
Exactly.
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I can’t separate cockiness from obnoxiousness. You’re right, confidence and cockiness are two sides of the same coin – I just can’t get with that side!
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 10:21 am
That’s fair enough I guess.
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I think cockiness can be attributed to ones personality traits..I am not cocky in the slightest..but I enjoy being around cocky people because they make me laugh…and they are usually saying and doing things that I would never do..which I find interesting…I just don’t like when cockiness crosses over into arrogance..its a fine line to walk…
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:21 am
Cockiness and arrogance are almost one in the same techincally….
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BP Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 11:18 am
“I just don’t like when cockiness crosses over into arrogance..its a fine line to walk…”
Cosign! I have always been attracted to cocky men. ALWAYS.
It is when they become arrogant that I turn off….QUICKLY. I used to date a NFL football player…oooh the stories I could tell.
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LOL…If no one can sense the cockiness and arrogance of this post you might be slight slow on the reading comprehension side.
I think what separates a cocky person from a confident person is not the way they handle the triumphs but how they handle the tradgey and defeats. I feel a cocky person would be humbled by a defeat. A confident person already has enough humility to accept defeat and build off from the mistake to return with vengence.
I disagree with you when it comes to modesty being hypocritical. I feel modesty is on the same level as humility but modesty is a level checker. Although you are getting the compliments or accolades, there is a point in time where you have to be thankful for them because those praises can taken or away or never be granted. Lets take Michael Jordan! He oozed confidence because he knew his capabilites and what needed to be done. Yet, you have never heard Michael Jordan in the press being on his own dick (He had more than enough people to do that)….
I think a confident person can handle the accolades and the defeats in grace and still continue to dominate their craft without being distracted. Kanye West took defeats like a crybaby whenever he lost Best Video of the Year at MTV Awards. I think Lebron James is cocky individual who has a sucky attitude when defeated.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:19 am
The confident persons reactions to triumph is to know and expect it to happen. A cocky person’s reaction to triumph is usually not knowing how to act once they have gotten there…
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 10:20 am
“Although you are getting the compliments or accolades, there is a point in time where you have to be thankful for them because those praises can taken or away or never be granted.”
I’ll agree with you on that. Gratitude is key. But I don’t think that being ungrateful for good fortune can be attributed to cockiness. I think that’s a character flaw in and of itself. There are a whole lot of non-cocky, ungrateful as all hell people out there.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 11:14 am
I just feel that those who are confident aren’t surprised of end results and can speak to the possiblities of a certain situation without giving an arrogant air…
I like to use sports as an example….
Example: Giants vs. Patriots…in Super Bowl XLII
Confident Example- Plaxico Burress (Cheddar Plax) made the prediction that the Giants would beat the Patriots and they wont score anymore than 14pts.
Cocky Example – The Patriots had already invited the Giants to their Super Bowl Victory party 2 days before the actual Super Bowl. Tom Brady heard Plax confident statement by scoffing and laughing about it.
Plax spoke of confidence based on his teams defense which was ranked in the top 5 in 2007. Patriots displayed cockiness by under estimating the moment and they havent seen a Super Bowl since…
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 11:16 am
I personally feel that those who are cocky…just tend to lose focus of the moment and hence why I feel they tend to be ungrateful in most cases…
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
I don’t know – I think that the problem with the Patriots in your example lies in the obnoxiousness of inviting the Giants to their victory party rather than their assurance they they were going to win. What team goes to the Superbowl publicly announcing that they expect to lose?
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
I’m glad you mentioned that word…obnoxiousness. IMO I feel being obnoxiousness and cockiness is usually tied in marriage most of the time…No one ever goes into any form of competition expecting to lose…The spirit of competition should always be there but there are some who take it towards the realm of being obnoxious
I’ve always seen the cocky individuals have obnoxiousness traits trailing not too far behind…I’m not judging u personally…#imjustsayin…
***Kanye Shrug***
FYI: Seriously enjoyed this post! I’ve always wanted to do a post on the fine line between cocky and confident…
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 2:58 pm
Yeah where I was going with the post – although I’m not quite sure I got there – was the fact that cockiness is considered an unattractive trait because we equate certain behaviours with it. In actuality though those unattractive behaviour is better attributed to obnoxiousness than to cockiness.
Jeez I don’t think that even made sense! But I’m glad you enjoyed the post anyway.
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I think the guest writer would love reading a belle in brooklyn. I feel she is very cocky and that is one of the reasons I stopped reading her blog. I admire people who are confident. Cockiness is a complete turnoff. The guy that writes rude comments in your blog just maybe doesn’t like your style of writing or is just a hater. You have deluded yourself into thinking that he somehow is in love with you. I feel people who are too cocky (such as yourself) don’t look at situations with a clear mind. You probably can’t take criticism.
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 10:17 am
I do read A Belle in Brooklyn. I don’t love it, but it has nothing to do with Belle being cocky, which I don’t really think she is.
I will concede to your point that the dude who posts the rude comments may well just dislike my writing or disagree with my point of view; but the fact that his comments are usually personal and meant to diminish me as a person, I’m gonna continue on with my assumption that he’s got some kind of boner for me that he cannot resolve
As far as whether I can take criticism is concerned; my ability to handle it well is directly related to its source and delivery. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
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average chick Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 10:34 am
I just went on your blog and you are hilarious!! You have a new fan and I have alot of reading to do.
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 10:51 am
My blog is the best!
Just kidding – thanks girl
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
no objections from me on that …
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Lol-
I had to take a look at myself..
I’m not gonna lie.. I’m confident, but only about the things I can back up. So yeah, I’ll say something like, “I’m smart” or “I know I’m funny, sucka.” because those are the qualities that I’m confident in.
I co-sign when you said that cockiness and obnoxious usually go hand in hand. That’s usually where it crosses over and leaves me wondering if someone’s cockiness is just overcompensation..
Great post!
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 10:18 am
Thank you love. And may I say with all the love I have for you in my heart that you have the goods to back up being a lot cockier than you are
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Nothing is wrong with CONFIDENCE. if a woman had low self-esteem she’d get ran over and ignored. We have to be our biggest fans, it isn’t anyone else’s responsibility. It makes you walk tall and refuse to take any form of b.s. from others.
Cocky sounds so masculine. I’m confident.
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
It does sound masculine, but I think that’s why I kinda like it.
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good post max.
like you i often cheer myself on (although not lately). i’m my own biggest fan and i make no apologies about it. i even started the hashtag #onmycockyish on twitter. people often tell me that i’m cocky or conceited. you know what i tell them? if you were me, you would be too.
“i’m not cocky, i’m confident. so when you tell me i’m the best, it’s a compliment.” ~jadakiss
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
I thought of you the whole time I was writing this. I was trying to work #onmmycockyish into the post and couldn’t find a way. But you’re my idol in cocky-ness for sure.
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MadScientist7 Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 4:14 pm
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
One of my favorite Jada lines
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
that line is one of the most obvious signs that Jadakiss is an overrated rapper.
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
CHeeKZ you’re breaking my heart today for real.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 5:19 pm
SMH…I can admit Jada isn’t like how he was on Clue Mixtapes or the late 90s into the early 2000s but don’t EVER put overrated and Jadakiss in the same sentence.
Thats just as blasphemous as Lil’Wayne consistently having his name associated with these words…
GREATEST…..
RAPPER….&
ALIVE….all in that order is also blasphemous
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Great post Max! I was just talking to a male friend about this.
I have been told that I come off as a very confident person and that does not bother me. However, when I have been told that I am concieted…that is what gets my goose. I believe that God only made ONE me, so I am the best me there is! Without sounding all cliche-like I pray often to stay humble. I truly believe that I am no better than the next individual on this earth trying to make it day to day. However, I know my worth so I feel like I exuberate that in my attitude.
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Reecie Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 11:41 am
“there are a thousand yous, and only one me” ~ Kanye.
he pretty much overdoes it, and at times his personality is a bit much but I do dig Kanye.
I’m confident in regards to many things, but I try not to be arrogant or obnoxious about it.
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 5:26 pm
“I truly believe that I am no better than the next individual on this earth trying to make it day to day.”
I think the world associates cockiness with thinking that you’re better than others when that’s really not what it is. Just because I think I’m great doesn’t mean I think you’re not.
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BP Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 5:42 pm
“Just because I think I’m great doesn’t mean I think you’re not.”
You hit the nail on the head. I earnestly agree and see where you are coming from. I am all for self confidance…especially when it comes to people of color. I can go on with some ranting diatribe but long-story-short I believe everyone should love themselves as long as they aren’t intentionally trying to make others feel inferior.
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Heh.
I regularly say that my personal theme songs are “The World Should Revolve Around Me” by Little Jackie or Bossy by Kelis…
I’m my own worst critic, but I believe that this makes me qualified to be my best cheerleader.Cockiness is good thing; why shouldn’t I be proud? I’ve accomplished and overcome a lot of stuff. The thing is, I’m cocky because I know I got the shit to back it up. My friends also think I’m crazy because I said it’s key for me to date a man that’s cocky.
Humility is overrated.
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
You and me are sitting at a table for two as usual. Perhaps that’s why we’re both single?
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I hate to object.
I actually hate cockiness. Don’t see a point about making a big deal about oneself. Seriously… i am pretty worthless in the grand scheme of things.
This may sound hypocritical of me since I am always talking down to people, but that is not b/c I am cocky, its because I little I think of myself….. I think even less of you. Either invent something I didn’t think of, make me dinner, or STFU.
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
First of all CHeeKZ you are not allowed to object to anything I say ever. That is the premise upon which our relationship is based.
Also – I hate to tell you but if you think little of yourself and still less of those around you you’re basically cocky.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
Dont you under analyze me.
There is a difference! Look at Streetz definitions of cocky. Someone who is with a low opinion doesn’t fit the bill of cocky. Just b/c I am higher than you doesn’t make me high. Just higher.
The thing is to not make a big deal about ‘you.’
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There’s a difference between being cocky and being conceited
Cocky is having an unabashed high opinion of oneself
Conceited is to have a unabashed, high opinoon on oneself when its not warranted
(paraphrase Websters Dictionary)
So I’ll be cocky all day. Besides, when you try to be humble people say you’re faking anyway. Im the type that ill let you know that im confident, but I dont use my prowess in any one field to diminish another.
Sometimes though, you have to smite down naysayers and let them know how fly you are!
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
What he said!
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This post cracked me up for a couple of reasons. 1. Cocky is a synonym for conceited. So as much as you try you can’t be one and not the other. People try to act as if they are two different terms because they think one sounds better but if you looked up the definition of cocky it would say conceited. Lol
2. If you are truly cocky/conceited (not just acting that way to cover up insecurities) then by definition you don’t really give a d@*$ what someone else thinks of you. The whole concept of a cocky person caring what anyone thinks about them is contrary to what cockiness is.
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Streetz Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
http://www.merriam-webster.com/netdict/cocky
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conceited
definitions are different.
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max Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
For the record, this post isn’t about what people think about me it’s about what people think about the word cockiness.
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someone take my last comemnt out of moderation please! thanks!
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Me: confident
Often times confused with cocky. The difference is confident can back it up…show an prove if you will…cocky falls apart
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