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Dancing
I was chatting with a friend earlier this week about her relationship (or lack there of) with a particular dude. Without shedding too much detail, it’s been an ongoing saga with them both struggling to a certain degree to share their true feelings with each other. They like each other a lot, but currently they’re about a 3 hour flight apart. And as many of us know, distance can complicate things immensely or it can help to create a much stronger relationship. The dude has made it clear that he’s never been in a serious relationship. My friend has made it clear that she’s not looking to necessarily be in a relationship at this time for a variety of reasons, but is comfortable dating him/kicking it exclusively. And though he’s not necessarily sure he wants to be in a relationship, he has agreed to do the same thing. Okay, maybe I did share a good amount of detail and hopefully she doesn’t send me an e-bomb for it. But I digress…
This is one of the rare situations where I will agree with a woman that men can be complicated. It also touches upon another post I wrote a bit back on the battle of actions vs. words. The dude constantly throws hints out there that he has deep feelings for her during their conversations. He also takes the actions that would one typically expect of someone that is in a relationship or very interested in starting one. He hops on a plane to go visit. He sends nice gifts. He treats her like a queen when they’re together. He references lovey dovey songs that remind him of her. Of course these lovey dovey songs deal with deep feelings and commitment. Sounds like the man knows what he wants right?
Wrong.
Randomly during their conversations he makes mention to the fact that he doesn’t want to hurt her and that he’s never been in a real relationship. And for kicks, he’ll throw in that there always looms the possibility he could meet someone else and that he wants to make sure she isn’t affected by that. The man, quite honestly, is a walking contradiction. He’s also what I like to call “a dancer”.
What’s a dancer Slim?
Glad you asked. It’s certainly not Soulja Boy. It’s probably easier for me to define dancing.
Dancing is the act of being aware of one’s true feelings and the feelings of a significant other (not necessarily a boyfriend or girlfriend…yet), yet continuously sending mixed signals and finding ways to avoid the actual discussion of going into a relationship despite knowing things are headed in that direction. It doesn’t always have to be mixed signals as is demonstrated in this scenario. It could be two people who both know damn well how they feel about each other struggling to have “the conversation” or acknowledge that they potentially have something special. Dancing gives the phrase “it takes 2 to tango” a whole new meaning.
I’ve danced before…for a variety of reasons. In my encounter in the ballroom, it was obvious to me where I wanted to be and the other person seemed to share a similar sentiment. But for whatever reason, we just floated along in limbo land talking to our friends about each other. Everybody we spoke to urged us to have the chat and knew we needed to take it there. We both knew it, but for a multitude of reasons decided to shimmy (no Kappa) around the issues for months. I’m sure many of the people reading this post have engaged in the act of dancing as well. And once again, we have today’s discussion topic. It’s been a great week here at Three Ways, so let’s try to keep it going…
What do you think of the art of dancing? Are or have you ever been a dancer? What reasons do you dance or think that people engage in dancing? In particular, what’s this guy’s deal? Let’s dance discuss, shall we?
Your favorite manly twinkletoes,
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Wow, first time I’ve been a first in awhile. Well, I’m taking this card in style…
I’ve Harlem Shaked by myself and I’ve ballroom boogied with a partner before too. While the sentiments and the gut feeling to dive right in were there, outside circumstances didn’t make it feel too promising. So we shimmied like Puff and Mase in shiny suits.
But I can’t dance for long, I like to make it clear what’s good whether it’s one way or the other. When you dance for too long, it’s inevitable that you’re going to step on someone’s toes. And that’s no bueno.
Were there enough allusions for y’all in that comment?
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Seattle Washington Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 5:23 am
Really? Did the site just edit circumstances? I can’t even sound intelligent without someone thinking I’m a perv.
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CHeeKZ Diddy Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Seattle had a mean Harlem Shake back in the day. Yall need to do a post of just Seattle dancing in a youtube video. People would get a kick out of it. ……
Maybe due in his red superman draws ‘a la Spectacular of Pretty Ricky Infamy. PAUSE!
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Streetz: The Light Skinned Jesus Shuttlesworth Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
I used to two step around issues, harlem shake around conflict, and now I get light to accusations of whoredom. Dancin Dancin Dancin!! Dancinmachine!
Lolol
Seriously, good post SJ
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Story of my life- this situation practically describes every man I’ve dealt with.
I think people keep messing around with a dancer because they are holding hope, or has shut out the part they don’t want to hear.
My regret is that I allowed these games to continually be played- I should’ve walked.
“Don’t make someone a priority in life when you are just an option in theirs.” I got that quote from somewhere and wish I would have imparted it sooner!
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We dance because there’s a pink gorilla in the room we don’t want to discuss. In this case, it’s probably the distance. So we try to play around like the pink gorilla isn’t cramping our style when it really is — and then we say really lame things like what ol’ boy said.
It’s lame because it’s not like she’s not in said relationship, too and thus knows exactly what’s happening just like he does.
I think she should just be real about the pink gorilla even if he won’t. Either the distance bothers her enough that she can’t do it or it doesn’t and I think he ought to have enough respect for it all (his time included) to say whether he can deal with it or not as well.
We all dance, but we’re all too grown for it.
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Am I that old? I know I did this, but it was a looong time ago. If 2 grown people like each other and want to be together – give it a shot. If it works, great. If it doesn’t then it was still worth it. We all have to figure ourselves out in the dating game, but at some point (especially as women) we realize that we don’t have an unlimited amount of time to do so.
Someone can only dance with you if you follow their lead. Slim, your friend may have time on her side and the mental strength to deal with a dancer. But personally, my uterus has no time for fake ones and waffling. No, suh!
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the only “dancing” i have done is acted like I didn’t like someone when I knew DAMN WELL I was a little open.
Im sure there I have intimidated men into not telling me they like me like spit lol
*shrugs*
I did “dance” tho with my current whatever you call it..
We started off as eff buddies…then friends w benefits..then when I realized that I wanted more…(that I fell for him) I called it quits..he chased me back..and we been dancing ever since
*sigh*…4 years now
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….life is too short IMO….
yes I have danced a lonnnnnng dance,
that I ultimately had to end, or it’d still be going on, had I not stepped off the dance floor.
It wasn’t for lack of rhythm, all I will say is to quote George Michael..
“to the heart and mind
ignorance is kind,
theres no comfort in the truth,
pain is all you’ll find”….and his truth was um exactly that
…so he is stuck on that dancefloor cause of his truths but “I’m never gonna dance again” in that regard.
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 10:36 am
*singing*…im never going dance agaaaaaain guilty feet have GOT no ryhthm..so its easy to pretend..i know you’re not a Foooollll…..
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I would like to defend all dancers:
It is not that we are liars. We honestly feel every emotion that we tell you we feel. We aren’t trying to just get some or have our cake and eat it too. Its just that those feelings that we express during boo boo time aren’t the only ones we have.
We have other feelings of independence that are either related to the distance or the newness of the relationship and the words of a good Ginuwine song (who rates 3rd on my all time favorite singers behind Prince and Stevie respectively) don’t make up for the fact that a relationship is costly. Esp with a girl you like, can you blame a guy. He is being as upfront as possibly in an effort to protect your heart. He could have been an jerk and just given you the label and treated you badly. Stop getting caught up in the label.
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Duh Cheekz…we know thats why people withold feelings, they want to play both sides of the fence…
Afraid of missing something out there or simply not ready for a full on relationship and all the responsibility..or they dont want you like that, but dont want to see u with someone else
I think thats our relationship problem, he wants to still be free and clear to do what he wants…
*sigh*
regardless of the reasons why people dance..it all comes down to selfishness
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ashbunnie Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 10:43 am
In defense of all my victims of the murderous tango…
BULL SHIV!
You dancing men are predatory creatures. You give us this false sense of hope. You tell us that we will be together because you like us and maybe see a future with us. BUT you DO things that contradict what you SAID. We women are not always clear about what it is we want. I know. But we make our emotions obvious because we wear our heart on our damn sleeves. So please save the story about your other thoughts of being independent. And how every emotion you tell is what you feel. I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU. YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE.
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CHeeKZ Cochran Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:05 am
What’s with the Hate? Are y’all City Cops?
Look. I don’t know how else to put this. Clothed woman are annoying. You talk too much, have too many expectations, want too much of our time, complain too much, you are too judgemental, you make a mess of the bathroom, you’re hypocritical, you don’t understand not to talk when the Mets are playing, and 1 out of 4 weeks you become completely useless.
Think like a guy.. why would you want to be in a relationship? Wouldn’t you prefer freinds with the benes or not having a title. Like Slim said in another post, we don’t wont to break up that is why we are so careful with getting in. Unlike the unreasonable creatures of the opposite gender who just put a title on anything to justify their emotions.
SHOTS FIRED!
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CHeeKZ Mulay Baby Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:07 am
ANY DON’T LET ME CATCH YOU DANCING TO THAT LIL WAYNE SONG, “EVERY GIRL”. Pratice what you dance to!
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:18 am
lol
“Unlike the unreasonable creatures of the opposite gender who just put a title on anything to justify their emotions. ”
Good point lol tis true
Sounds like you dancing with someone cheekz..
So let me ask you. Whats a girl (or guy in some cases ) to do when you like someone, they SEEM to like you, but just continue to dance or string you along as I like to call it?
As I was watching He’s just not that into you, i noticed that dancing happens with guys too. The dude was in love with a hot female character but she wouldn’t sleep with him, but otherwise acted like his girl. He kept holding out till she was finally honest and said “I dont want you like that” ..she had him in her back pocket because she knew he would be there them lonely nights
Should we accept dancing..or move on. Perhaps if we didn’t, people would treat other people better
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:20 am
and i’m not annoying…>:(
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ASmith Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:31 am
I’m really trippin on Cheekz saying “Practice what you dance to!” (HIGH QUALITY).
Um, it’s still not ok, though. It’s still a problem, it still shouldn’t be done. We’re grown people, here.
Sure, if you were more up front about how you really just want all the benefits with no title or ocmmitment, you’d send quite a few women packing but that’s the nature of the beast. You DO want your cake and to eat it to… either have the cake or eat it but you can’t do both, dammit.
Meanwhile, this is not just a guy thing as has been pointed out. Women do it too… just like some men wanna slap labels on relationships too quickly…
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
No I’m not dancing. But I was trying to and I got hit with the Okie Dook.
I was told I could hit it no strings attached.
Than crying insues as I try to take the benefits of the freindship.
Than 3 weeks later I am told I must buy a Christmas gift.
Than 5 weeks later I get a phone call at 1AM wanting to tell me her problems.
4 years later I realize… she was leading the dance along.
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ASmith Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Men seem to have such an affinity for the crazy ones. I don’t get it.
I’m messin’ with you Cheekz and your situation is not uncommon, I hear it all the time. IN those cases, it’s not wrong of you to back up and say ok… no more for you because you’re crazy town.
You still gotta be up front with the next one, let’s just put our “crazy town” meter on…
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
^^^^^ you didn’t intend it. But i’m giving you a Co-Sign! Congrads!
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Brookland's OWn Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
“He is being as upfront as possibly in an effort to protect your heart. He could have been an jerk and just given you the label and treated you badly. Stop getting caught up in the label.”
CHUUCH! THOSE DAMN LABELS ARE A MUDDA FUCCA. If I want to be w/you then you’ll know, however if we maintain our friend portion of the relationship, it can only get better or worse…
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Some of us need a lable.
Some men dont want to act like ur man…but want u to behave like their girl
for instance
Its okay for them to have female friends and hang w them, but when you have male friends and hang w them..there is a problem
give me my lable so I know how to act appropiately..and so I can judge whats appropiate behavior of you
it goes with the whole “Im her boyfriend but she not my girlfriend” thing
SELFISH
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
labels just eff up life in general.
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
so we should just run around like babylon and everyone should just date and screw and never label and stuff
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Girl meets dude. Girl likes dude, actually girl is head over heels for dude. Dude acknowledges the infatuation. Dude talks to his friends about girl, girl does same. Friends converse amongst each other about dude and girl… dude dances around the issue for 3 years. Girl [me] storms the hell off the dance floor. In this case, dude has a terrible time of expressing his true feelings because to him, ‘He likes me immensely, but I am too good of a friend to lose to some other title’. Hence, me throwing away my dancing shoes. *I have absolutely no rhythm by the way*
Moral of the story? Life is entirely too damn short to be playing these games. If you like someone, let it be known. Shout it from the roof tops if need be. Closed mouths do NOT get fed. But do not send mixed signals because us girls tend to take a fraction of said signal and run with it.
Ya friend should really tell long-distance-choosy lover how she feels about the things he does and the things he says [that ultimately contradict everything]. If he’s grown and wants to take a chance on life, he’ll step up to the plate. If he continues to give a cockamamie story about the distance and the potential meeting of someone new, then dance on his face and walk away.
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 10:39 am
ooh..I just watched “He’s not that into you” last night..actually it wasn’t as cheesy as I thought it would be *but I do like cheesy movies*
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MaPockets Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:58 am
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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*sigh* I’ve been a lurker for about 3 months now but this discussion is making me come out of the swampy water. Me and this guy danced the “tango,” “two step,” and “walked it out” for over a year. We started off senior year at the same college then he left for med school after graduation. We of course kept in contact and I even went to visit him a few times. He tried to convince me to go to grad school where he was, but of course i was still exploring my options. (although i was seriously considering it at one point–yes dumb i know.) Seeing as how he really seemed to want me up there i thought to myself…ok, maybe this is going to really go somewhere. So on my last visit i asked him the “what are your intentions with me” question. I tell you i have never seen a man so scared in my life! His face went COMPLETELY blank. He then gave me some crap about how beautiful he thinks i am and how he loves my style and how classy i am, but he couldn’t give me an answer. Now in my head im like….didn’t this fool just try to convince me to go to school near him????? Needless to say he said, “I’ll call u so we can talk about it.” Of course, i already knew what was up and wasn’t holding my breath for a call. It’s been about 5 months since we last spoke/saw each other. (Well he did send me a text a couple weeks later but i still wasnt ready to talk to him so i ignored it.) I’m stubborn and i refused to call him after that BUT i have to admit that i have been wondering how he’s been doing lately. I am glad that i stopped the dance though because I feel like we would be dancing forever. Would it be wrong to call him just to see how he’s doing?
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ASmith Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:28 am
No it wouldn’t be wrong?
What’d his text say? Did he seem to want to talk about it.
See this type of dancing is so extreme — talking about moving to be closer to him, but he wasn’t ready to discuss your future together? Oh no, that is HIGHLY unacceptable, please and thanks.
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BlueFlame Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:31 am
All he said was, “Hey, happy valentines day…” What am i supposed to do with that???? I just was NOT in the mood! And i felt that it was unacceptable as well…which is why i kept it moving…
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ASmith Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Gosh I hate open-ended texts like that.
(And when I said it wouldn’t be wrong, it wasn’t a question, my pinky got ahead of itself) I mean if you want to call him, seriously, do it. Any hesitation, though suggests maybe you shouldn’t. Can’t hurt, right? Especially if it is just about seeing how he’s doing.
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:33 am
yeah..
he dont want to fully commit to you yet, but..he didn’t want to let you get away while he was seeing if there was something better OR until he finished living
guys look at relationships as real balls and chains.
No more hanging out with the fellas.
Having to answer about all your whereabouts (especially if you in the club about to go home with that big bootied girl)
Having to do ghey things like grocery shop, shoe shop and hanging with her family
That is scary to a young man who hasn’t lived yet
I dunno…Its scary for me and im a female..lol
So what are dancers to do ? let the one they love go while the sew their oats or …continue to dance until THEY are ready to settle..
they often choose the latter
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Welcome to the party BlueFlame!
I don’t think it would hurt to give the guy a call, as long as you’re prepared to here whatever he may or may not have to say.
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Thanks…i think i will give him a call and im going in with NO expectations lol…i just want to say hey…i mean we did dance for a year and it was fun while it lasted! But i kno i’m at a point in my life where i am looking for something more serious…i played the field all through college LOL
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I love to dance. I do it all – meringue, dutty wine and my favorite the bounce.
For me it’s a little different though. I don’t want the intimacy of an exclusive relationship. The spooning after the deed is done is enough for me. Speaking of deed, lately I’ve been so uninterested (read: disappointed) with men that I’ve been holding out on that too – dropping them like a bad habit once they start to inch for the panties. I guess you can look at it like, I like the feeling I get when I first meet someone. The butterflies from his calls, texts, getting all doll’d up to see him, the excitement that seems to dwindle once the parties involved have gotten “comfortable” with each other.
Right now I don’t want the responsibility of an exclusive relationship.
Btw, has anyone read Steve Harvey’s book “Think Like a Lady, Act Like a Man”? If so, what’s your take?
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CHeeKZer BELL Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
HE IS A SNITCH!
AND HIS WIFE IS A GOLD-DIGGER!
I know cuz my cousin smashed his stepdaughter in that Range he bought her.
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
lol Teeth Harvey isn’t “snitchin” in this book
Basically he telling women to stop putting up with BS and have some damn standards.
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Terry Lang Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Wow, lol, you really just put him on blast.
I agree True, I haven’t read it myself, but I like the potential message it’s sending to women – “Stop making excuses for these dudes and do you!”
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There’s a big difference between a man dancing with you, and a man dancing around you. As long as a woman knows what position she’s really playing, then she’ll be fine. If she’s lying to herself and paying attn to all the good stuff (presents and travels) and ignoring all the bad stuff (he’s screwing other women and telling them the same stuff about his fear of commitment) then that may be a little problematic.
I’m told that I see things in Black and White. It’s very true.
I believe that if a man likes you enough and wants you enough, he’ll be with you and wouldn’t be open to sharing you and possibly losing you.
If he doesn’t, he’ll dance (I know a lot of people usually disagree with this way of thinking, but that’s just what makes sense in my head and that’s what works for me).
If a woman still holds on to a man and the prospect of a relationship in the future because she’s receiving presents, and the man is traveling every once in a while, then to me, she’s saying that that is what she needs to be kept around (while willingly offering the poo-nar).
Why bother with a relationship if that’s the case? ::confused look on face::
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ASmith Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
This is why keeping it real matters. You want what you want, and I want what I want if they don’t agree that is a-ok, but then we have to just decide what that means. We’re walking or we’re waiting…
All that dancing makes it so much harder than it has to be…
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for me personally and I feel Blue Flame, Ash bunnie, and the others, the guys too cheekz, I hear you etc.. but its comes a point and time where you just don’t want the rhythm without the rhyme!!!!
*cues up Teena Marie “I need your loving”*
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While I would love to say I always say what I mean and mean what I say … I know that’s not true. I have danced so hard sometimes I think I could have been on “So you think you can dance”.
Personally, I do think its the woman’s responsibility to initiate this conversation. As a guy, I’m usually happy keeping the label off into eternity. Therefore, she usually (sometimes I’m the sprung one) wants it more, and therefore should ask for it.
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Dear Slim,
Interesting post. Very interesting indeed. I’m not a big fan of the male dancer (exhibit A: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExlCIvNwZI4). Pause, pause, pause, and more pause. Nah, but all jokes aside…I don’t think it’s the uncertainty itself that ticks women off. I think it’s those contradictory statements and gestures (the expressions of that uncertainty) that are the real culprit. One day you don’t want a relationship. Next day, you do. Then you don’t. Then you do. You’re blowing up her phone, then you’re not. You’re making trips, then you don’t know if you want her to come see you or not. There really should be some sort of consistency there, I think. If anything, be uncertain and stay uncertain until you’re certain LOL…at least that’s more consistent than the up-and-down/back-and-forth. Most of the time the female really is head over heels for dude and wanting more, but she’s dancing too because typically, in dancing, the man leads the woman. I think you should tell your friend to
have a seatkeep up the good work and break a leg!Reply
were you talking about me? because i’m going through this exact situation now (and for the last 2yrs!). this guy and i have visited each other, met each other’s families, and pretty much act like a couple when we’re together, yet we do not own the boyfriend-girlfriend titles.
i have no idea how to approach this, even though everyone has told me to ask him about it. i’m not sure if such conversation will get anywhere because of the fact that neither of us wants a long distance relationship. sigh… what to do, what to do!
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MaPockets Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
just go for it.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
what do u mean? just keep doing what we’re doing?
one of my male friends suggested this. i’m comfortable with it, but will have to drop him if i meet someone new, and he still doesn’t want to be in a relationship.
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ASmith Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
You should say as much.
I want (this)
If you don’t then (that) will happen.
Doesn’t have to be extra, or threatening or any of that. But you should make your feelings known… and he’s free to be a grown up and make his choice (and he does have one)….
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
yeah… i plan to do so when he comes to help me move. we’ll have a 5hr drive to talk it out
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MaPockets Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
No go for it as in go for the long distance relationship. Would it hurt to try at this point?
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
hmm i guess that will depend on the discussion (mentioned above) we have.
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This COMPLETELY describes my relationship with my last “boyfriend”. I put this in quotes because although we were boo’d up, he drove me wherever I needed to go (my friends too sometimes!), he introduced me to his homeboys, said he could see himself marrying me AND we had both met the parents………………..he had a side relationship that lasted half the length of ours.
Then he told me that he was in love with us both and couldn’t choose, so I chose for him by walking out (I’m a pretty, educated black woman who cooks, cleans, doesn’t get loud and exemplifies LITS/FITB; I’m nobody’s 2nd choice!). Well, after she sleeps with his best friend he proceeds to spend the next year begging me to forgive him and give him another chance, but when I finally give him the time of day he says he “just wants to chill.”
WTF?!? Instant number deletion. Don’t waste my time fool!
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
damn girl
yeah…glad you let that go
give me some of that courage
Im with a dude who had a side relationship for a year in our on and off again one…
BEAT ME UP NOW..CUZ I’m DUMB
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I’m tempted to write a post called side piece….
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
please do! the infamous sidepiece… omg.
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ASmith Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I would’ve had to kick him after all that. You’re gonna beg and then just want to chill?
Fail. Glad you had to good sense to keep it pushing.
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I can’t believe how many women are sharing their personal stories of frustration to this “Dancing” piece.
I haven’t read anything by a man stating that he was “once with this chick that didn’t want to commit and I didn’t know what to do” or “I’m confused because my girl only wants to sleep with me and not call me her ‘boyfriend’, boo hoo hoo”.
Ladies, don’t think you’re doing anything special by saying “oh I got tired after 2 years of waiting and I left his behind.” No, you were wrong for waiting 2 years in the first damn place!
It’s a frigging shame, smh.
Women get a grip and own up to when you are being PLAYED and move the fuck on! Stop waiting for these fools to give your simple behind some validation for ish you already knew was the deal from jump. If you started out as the side piece, that’s all you will EVER be!
If a man wants you, he will CLAIM you from that first date. Point, blank, period.
I’m out.
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TRUE Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
*watches terry drop mic like eddie murphy did on Coming to America*
lol…
True…VERY TRUE
women made differently tho..and until we have standards..we gon continue to get played
oh..and it happens to men..they just aren’t trained to be emotional and own up to being played…hell they men..they not supposed to care (but they do..trust me they do)…
Sooo..yeah..
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Terry Lang Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
*singing* I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and… let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they posses in… siiiiiddee.
lol
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ashbunnie Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
3 snaps in z damn formation.
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I honestly feel that in some cases you don’t even realize that much time has passed (at least in my case). We spent a couple of months talking and dating (the usual get to know you type stuff), and then graduation came and then so did the distance. Even though we were still talking i was still dating others because we didnt have that “label.” i wasn’t exactly waiting around but at the same time when i did go visit him…he was all like “you should move up here” and saying how great things were with us and blah blah blah. So of course if someone is telling you things like that…you are going to assume that they mean what they say and say what they mean, which clearly isnt always the case. And i actually did have one guy i went out on a date with on the first date tell me that he liked me and wanted to make it official. Ummm can i get your last name first before we talk about a relationship???? I do agree with you though about if a man wants to claim you he will claim you. My main issue was that he was saying all the things that would make a woman assume that a man is trying to get her on lock…i.e. Move here! But then when i decided to see what was up with him wanting me to move there…i got no real answer which resulted in my confusion (why say it if u dont mean it–which is the basis of this blog!)…and i dont feel like i wasted my time on him…now had i stayed after we had that discussion (or lack thereof) then i would’ve been wasting my time…
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“The dude has made it clear that he’s never been in a serious relationship. My friend has made it clear that she’s not looking to necessarily be in a relationship at this time for a variety of reasons, but is comfortable dating him/kicking it exclusively.”
Not sure how we can “blame” the dude for dancing. In your own words (see above), your friend has made her intentions clear, or at the very least, confusing.
In my eyes, exclusivity = relationship. And from what you said, she started the dance.
I don’t get it.
If I was the guy, and I heard “don’t want to be in a relationship” then I would take that at face value.
That wouldn’t mean I’m going to act like a jerk towards her, though. I mean, the guy doing nice things for her doesn’t mean he’s falling in love or wants anything different than either of them said. Should he treat her badly because they’ve agreed to not be in a relationship?
You’re right, there are three ways to take it…
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