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Seattle’s Dating Adventures
Fack You
I’ve been on a multitude of dates over the years, some good, some bad, some amazing and some downright horrible. All-in-all I can confidently say – I hate dating. I hate it like the KKK hates me. Actually, hate is a strong word. On second thought, I strongly dislike it. I feel the same way about it as I do about the Boston Red Sox for example. I have a respect for it, but I can’t stand it. Why? Well, there are a couple of reasons.
You’re Stuck There
For those that have been to Paul’s Modern Day Matchmaker Events, or were able to see the live stream, you may remember him saying that you’ll know within the first few seconds whether you’re attracted to a person or not. And he thought that you should be able to leave the date immediately if you’re not attracted to them. Tactfully of course. I wouldn’t suggest throwing the table over and yelling, “I’m out!” when the waiter asks if you’ve been there before. Now there have been many instances where I wanted to throw up the Time Out signal and call for a sub. And as “handsome” as I am, my momma isn’t the only one who thinks so, I’m sure some women thought the same thing. But you can’t leave. You have to stay. And force awkward conversation. Which brings me to the next point.
Takes Two For A Conversation
Some people just aren’t good at having it. They should be banned from dating and only left to GChat or text. There are others who are good at it, but the chemistry just isn’t there. It happens. My friends have said I have the “gift of gab” and as a result I could have a conversation with a brick wall and the wall would be enthralled. I’m not comparing some of my dates to brick walls, but I do find myself verbally masturbating instead of mind f*cking. I’m going to have a good time either way, but dammit I’d like a woman’s touch here.
Horrible Return On Investment
My homegirl and I were talking about an upcoming date of her’s the other day. She mentioned that she wasn’t interested in the guy, but she didn’t mind going on the date because it’s a free meal. A lot of my girl friends (notice the space), say the same thing. You see when you’re a guy, you don’t have that attitude. It’s not free for us. Eight times out of ten, I’m spending my cash and ten times out of ten, I’m spending my time. Which as of late is a high commodity. Now most dates aren’t going to be great just due to the odds and then on top of all that, I have to spend some of my check just to get nothing out of it. I’m not even talking about sex. I mean good conversation, maybe a free meal for me for a change, a nice work connect and maybe a friend? The whole thing is shakier than ChatRoulette.
As a result, I’m stepping away from the dating game for awhile. Unless there’s a young lady who can bring be back in. Pause? Meanwhile, I will be spending more time with my mistress – work. She’s a demanding broad and she’s getting needier by the day. What do you guys think of dating? Fans or foes? What’s the worst date you ever had? And the best?
Eff this, I’m getting a dog,
55 Responses to “Seattle’s Dating Adventures”
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“For those that have been to Paul’s Modern Day Matchmaker Events, or were able to see the live stream”
You weren’t there.
Speaking of dogs, I’ve always wanted a German Shepherd, then a Huskie (my school mascot), and most recently, him: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_tnljUeSgo64/SaKreL_u-7I/AAAAAAAAAKM/8Oeh5M5pIMo/s320/18407_f260.jpg *cavity*
Anyhow, great post. Dating is fun (most of the time). Wish I did more of it nowadays…
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Nick_L_Odeon Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 2:45 am
my dream dog is a Golden Labrador.. i hate peewee dogs.. i want a dog i can saddle up and ride.. (Pause..lol) and i’m gonna name him Cujo…
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 8:47 am
No No No. I want Jackson. That dog was the sweetest thing on earth. Nothing better than pitbulls, sweet dogs that could kill you.. but don’t b/c they love you.
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Cheekie Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 11:57 am
Yeah, I remember when I first heart pitbulls were good with kids I was like, “o_O”. But they really are very sweet dogs. Just don’t push ‘em. Because they killers.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Pits and their kin are loyal to a fault. The reason they’re killers is because someone trained them to be that way. Otherwise, they’re just gentle and playful.
…The More You Know…
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Correct my NorthWestern Friend.
Pits are actually made to never bite humans….
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N.I.A.naturally Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 12:39 pm
But Pits are ugly… How about a chocolate lab?
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 2:50 pm
Mike Vick never had a chocolate lab… I need a pitbull for my rap video with a couple of 40 oz of Old English, and some strippers in bikini
**Riley Freeman voice**
not gangsta, son.
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Cheekie Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Interesting. I actually did learn something today. Thanks, Seattle! NBC should hire you for their “The More You Know” spots just for that.
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Lola Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 12:27 pm
“No. No. No. I want Jackson. That dog was the sweetest thing on earth. Nothing better than pitbulls, sweet dogs that could kill you.. but don’t b/c they love you.”
That’s really reassuring. Don’t piss off the dog or else he’ll maul you. No, seriously.
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Guns & Butter Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 10:51 am
I’m getting a bulldog. and he’s gonna be the dopest dog in the streets. This is not happening anytime soon, though.
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“Eight times out of ten, I’m spending my cash and ten times out of ten, I’m spending my time. Which as of late is a high commodity.”
Whoa. lol I’ve been doing this giggling stuff lately. Tickles my throat every time I do it *pause*
But like Cheekie said, great post. I’m also sleeping with Work AND School. And he’s very demanding… Dating can take a back seat right now. I’m just gonna distract myself with school & work. They’re enough stress.
That sound of hearing my own voice cuz I’m the only one that may have something to say… yeahh *vertical slit down wrist* They say the quickest way is up the river…
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L. Dejean Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 12:33 am
I’m in school too but I’m not doing summer classes…its a way to keep my sanity but this upcoming school year is going to be outrageous…12 hours each as a grad student…shoot me now!
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Sue Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 12:48 am
That whole “summer class” thing remains one of those terrible mistakes I’ve made more than once. *le sigh* but alas what can I do? It’s a distraction from all of that *waves at the word “dating”* stuff lol
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L. Dejean Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:07 pm
well, it also means that you will finish a bit earlier than the rest of us that opt out of summer classes. I dunno if Fin. Aid covers summer classes so i didn’t want to take the chance…Hofstra University ain’t cheap!
And it is a distraction…and it keeps you from getting bored too!
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“I do find myself verbally masturbating instead of mind f*cking.” best line…EV-AR! Like FOR REAL! Sorry, I really liked that line though! lol!
I haven’t been on a date in a WHILE (interesting cause I was the one that was the experiment at MDML…yea, that was me; the second lady, not the first) and I totally agree with Paul when he said you should be able to leave…especially if you aren’t comfortable. That’s probably why I haven’t gone out in so long cause I’m afraid that something might go horribly wrong & I won’t be able to leave. I’m all for a free meal but not at the expense of my sanity or comfort.
The best date I had was in my sophomore year in Undergrad when a guy I was just starting to talk to came to my dorm room & we watched movies. Yes, that is all we did! I don’t need money to be spent on me, quality time works just fine for me #fivelovelanguages! If the person can laugh with me & we can discuss the movie or our day, w/e, then I’m a happy lady!
As far as the worse, I’d have to say was in undergrad again (Junior/Senior year) when it ended up not as much of a date cause the dude’s frat & friend was with him and then he was trying to get me to make out in front of them & everyone else at the restaurant…That is the type of PDA I don’t do, especially when I barely knew some of the people with us. I’m all for flirting, occasional touches, that sort of thing but I think what he wanted was taking it a bit too far…I also thought it was a feeble attempt on his part to establish territory but I could be wrong.
Streetz told me you were at MDML & I was by him for a second when he was trying to find you! Sorry I didn’t get to meet you!
Anyway, great post! I enjoyed it…glad I’m not the only one on hiatus for such reasons!
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A.Smith Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:59 am
Oohhh QT is my love language too.
Ever since I read that book, I’ve been telling everybody what I think their love language is….I read the book like a year ago… ::shrug:: #peopleshouldknow
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L. Dejean Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:08 pm
My primary is Words of Affirmation & my secondary is physical touch…i’m almost bilingual but i believe in utilizing all of them!
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Nick_L_Odeon Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 10:35 am
That five love languages book is the truth!!
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L. Dejean Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 7:09 pm
It really is…my whole outlook on things have changed & made me realize a lot about past relationship failures!
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I’ve been on 2 real dates ever (both in the last year, both pretty bad). I’ve been told I’m too young to take a hiatus from dating, but it’s looking so tempting right now.
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Seattle we met in NYC at the modern day matchmaker event and I have been anxiously awaiting a link to your post because I couldn’t remember the name of your site. I wish you didn’t think dating sucked. Dating can be really fun and worth the effort despite if there is chemistry or not. So many women or men are mad when someone doesn’t turn out to be who they thought. Often times ppl check out of the date and don’t realize that it’s a learning experience. No matter whether u enjoyed the date no one should walk away feeling time was wasted or disappointed in the exchange. I have been on too many great dates to count and I have been on LOTS of dates.
I am disappointed that youre taking a break if we went on a date we would have a lot of fun. As far as the return on the investment any money or time spent would get my deepest appreciation and gratitude. I personally think there are too many great guys like yourself who get jaded lazy And uninspired about dating leaving women with pure knuckle heads as their only dating prospects after we have our fair share of bad dates everyone is jaded single and bitter. I think there is a way to enjoy dating for what it is a necessary moratorium to marriage
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I’ve never really dated and with every year that passes and every bad to so-so dating encounter I hear about…. dating just really scares the ish outta me.
*sigh*
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you’re the 2nd person in as many weeks to say that they’re not dating right now..
some of us are there by chance, not by choice..
i’ve never “traditionally dated”.. never been “wined and dined.. (which just made me sad) but I can understand not wanting to deal with it. I always hear about how much money men have to spend on dates, and as the “man” in my last relationship, I get it.
Trips, Dinner, and presents later my pockets are very empty.
I’ll admit that if I was focusing on my career, or my schooling that I wouldn’t be thinking about how much I’m not dating. But alas, that isn’t the case.
If someone deems me worthy of their time, it’s something that I appreciate because I know that time is precious.
Money however, is something that I was always willing to part with if I preferred the company.
But I get that it’s exhausting for a man to constantly have to be shelling out money just to sift through the myriads that he realizes isn’t worth his time.
At least you’re self-aware enough to take a step back. May your work prove the proper mistress.. the kind that pays you!!
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sanen85 Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 2:11 am
I’m there by chance, not choice if it makes you feel better.
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Nick_L_Odeon Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 2:46 am
you DO realize we’re gonna *wreck up shop* in October, right?!?!
(Very Nick-specific saying.. but you know what i mean.!)
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Really? Isn’t your time and energy more valuable than a free meal? What the hell? Herpes are free too—so are Dunkin Donuts napkins, but I’ve got better things to do than use some guy I have no plans of dating, for a free meal. I just think that’s ridiculous. Sorry.
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Seattle, my 2 cents are- dogs are infinitely more satisfying then dates (so many out there need to be rescued).
Here’s another 2 bits- I always arrange my 1st or blind dates so that it’s a drinks only affair, I often pay my share or pay for mine before he get’s there- this is to forestall any whining about money spent with nothing to show for it- and I can pay my own way thanks very much. The other truth is that a dry ass meal without an enjoyable conversationalist or interesting companion (or alternatively just a friendly cutie to look at even if he is dumb as a bag of hammers) is never worth my time.
Even though most of my dates are HOT messes (often foisted on me by well meaning friends), I continue to try- hope springs eternal- and in this big, busy world how else do we meet?
I met one of my best friends on an awkward and extremely graceless date- can you testify Jeff? So I have to say that it was worth the effort that time, you can’t put a price on a friendship. Some of my worst dates ironically occurred in Seattle, a place with a lot of nice guys but in my humble opinion, sincerely lacking in certain dating fundamentals- and a very small pool of eye candy or brothas bringing mental stimulation (sorry but that is the Truth).
The tricky thing with online dating is that you can give good phone, give good email and a decent picture but when you meet in person you determine that “spark” issue- is it there or not? Are you leaning into him or skooching far away searching for the exit? It’s not something you can intellectualize or create with a great conversation skills.
I’m not dating at the moment either, hell I can’t even imagine dating at the moment. The next brotha I hang out with will have to approach me sideways thru a series of random kindnesses with a good sense of humor and tolerance. He’ll have to keep me guessing his true intentions- ultimately he will have to trick me into it by being friends first- (can you say commitment phobic?) until then I have more then enough on my plate to keep my mind working and my dog supplies boundless affection and loyalty!
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One of my friends is on a one-woman mission to go on a date this year. She says (I disagree) that she’s never been on one.
Meanwhile, I LOATHE dates and find myself tricked into them. Maybe I just don’t pay attention to the signs, but I’ll be midway through the meal and think “oh shit… we’re not just 2 friends hanging out, are we?”
All the pressure to make good convo makes it hard to make good convo. Plus the pressure to be super awesome and witty and awesome (so a witty sandwich on awesome) makes it so hard to do that.
I don’t even mind the awkward… I just hate the pressure. I want us to just relax and chill.
I’m not on a hiatus. I’m anti dating (that could change, though, lol).
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I’m weird in that I rarely date someone new. Its always someone I know from work (a different office) or an old friend, or a former college jumpoff/missed opportunity so I’ve been able to skip all the hideous date stuff. Lawd forgive the day when I give up my summer boo and have to meet on the spot in the real world!!!
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You nailed it in the section on “Horrible Return on Investment”…..
***Bernie Mac voice*** Nuff Said!!!
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I hate dating! I liked it back in my hey day, but I’m over it now. But what other choice do I have?
I def feel you on the time thing…I hate mine being wasted. And on the money thing…I don’t think it’s fair for guys to have to pay all the time. We all have bills to pay!
Best date: I’m easy to please. One of my best dates we went for ice cream, went to the park and did a LOT of walking and talking.
Worst date: Long ago…I had to pick the guy up b/c he didn’t have a car. We went to the movies and outside he saw some female he knew. They chatted, and didn’t introduce their dates. So her date and I introduced ourselves. I never did find out her name, or how he knew her…that was our last date.
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Eh…not really a fan of dating. I also don’t seem to meet a lot of men that know what a date is. A date is not chilling at my house or yours…nor is it us throwing back Coronas at the bar like I’m one of your n*ggas.
Oh, and I too know woman who will be like “Go out w/ him…it’s a free meal”. Damn all that! If I already know I’m not really feeling dude, why torture myself? I can pay for my own meal and enjoy my own company.
*kanyeshrug*
I was at Paul’s event…maybe I missed the part about you being able to leave if you’re not feeling the date. That’s pertinent info right there. Although I’d probably never do it.
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What’s dating?
lol…
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Guns & Butter Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 11:09 am
lol.. i was bout to say #wddt@?
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My best date– We played putt-putt(mini) golf and had pizza and beer after. Because we were comfortable, we let our guards down some, and were able to have fun, talk, and get to know each other better than we would have sitting in a stuffy restaurant for dinner.
I think part of the problem is people go on boring dates. Where is the imagination? Dinner? Really? How lame… lol.
I understand going on a dating hiatus, but the next time you meet a young lady, and you want to spend some time with her, suggest something you both would enjoy that doesn’t require sitting in a restaurant and staring each other in teh face all night. Something where you both can be comfortable and just enjoy the time together.
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LaBakir Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 11:12 am
Dinner? Really? How lame… lol.
SERIOUSLY…you can only do that so many times. But some thought into the sh*t.
Last week this guy was saying he wanted to see me. I’m like ok, where are we going. His reply: I don’t know. I let him know I assumed since HE wanted to see me he had something planned.
SMH
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Seattle Washington Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 11:30 am
Yeah homie, the best dates I’ve had we’re unconventional. And it made it more enjoyable because even if she was a bore, I was still having a good time.
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Jemsstar Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 3:11 pm
I agree with you about people not having imagination, going to the movies with a 1st/blind date is not the move. There is no talking involved and you are barely paying attention to each other.
Best date: We went to Dave and Busters, and normally I wouldn’t go to a place like that because I thought it was for kids, but in the evenings you need to be over 21 to get in there. We both had a really good time playing games, joking and getting to know each other.
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LaBakir Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Dave and Buster’s is pretty darn fun!
I recently went bike riding w/ a guy…that was cool…although I hadn’t been on a bike in ages.
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Jemsstar Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 3:54 pm
I’ve been bike riding, I even played tennis on date. Fun but exhausting LOL! Dating can be fun if you take out any expectations. If you meet someone you are not attracted to, make the best out of it, not everything has to be about love/sex. Sometimes it can be about friendship.
BTW I am definitely against going out with someone because it’s a free meal, my bestie is like that. I personally don’t like to eat in front of someone I don’t know like that, cuz sometimes I AM AN ANIMAL!! lmao!
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LaBakir Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 4:04 pm
Yes, definitely a good work out! Good thing I’m in shape or I would’ve died! That bicycle seat killed me though…my ass was very unhappy,lol.
But I like physical activities and competitive things,lol. I’ve played basketball w/ guys and even gone white water rafting with a group.
LOL! Last night I was eating crab legs and I made a mental note not to go the crab shack on a date early in the game. I showed that food no mercy.
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Jemsstar Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 4:23 pm
LOL!, come to think of it, Im not so sure bike riding is the best date route… I remember my butt not feeling it either, plus my thighs was sore I was and walking like I had a gap for a week! HA!
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LaBakir Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Yeah man, I remember saying I wonder if this is one feels like after riding a horse.
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NoShame Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 8:48 pm
(Pause)
*Is it lame that I have always wanted a legitimate reason to use that*
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honestly i’m not a fan of the dating game. i can’t remember the last time i met a total stranger, asked them out and then went out with them somewhere. most women that i end up with i know through a mutual friend and we became friends first. not saying that i would never be on the dating scene but it just doesn’t seem like my thing. *shrug* there is too much chance involved in going out with strangers.
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That dog is too cute.. I’d call him Gin, short for ginger lol…
I think the best non-date “date” I’ve had was when we ran into each other at the strip club. Nothing like a** and t!ttays to make it a date! We merged our group of friends and then we just ended up talking, laughing, and enjoying the whole night separated from the group…
A date was, at one point, all about how a guy can treat you and dine you and show you his chauvanistic ways.. now a days, a “date” consists of maybe dinner, a movie, and if there is time and $ few drinks and the expectation of him paying for everything, not to mention maybe the occasional booty at the end or at least some for of making out…
For me a date is when we can both enjoy our surroundings, do something unexpected, whether it requires $ or not, having a good time, going dutch or even me paying for the whole thing (I actually like doing that, it feels good to be able to do that) and just having an over all good time. I’m super spontaneous so if I invite someone out and its the weekend don’t be surprised if we end up in San Diego or the Grand Canyon all on my expense…
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In all due respect dating aint writing scripts or editing my videos. I got film friends getting 100K budgets for videos (check Hezekiah Walkers latest my man Bobby Yan shot and cut it) so if women think I am being cheap or my film dream is a scheme despite the degree and connection plus body of work (youtube/enyfilms) fine.
I have mentioned in our era we give time to relationships built around lust but pretend their “official” (cause of the sex and social life)and the people whom we should build with we find excuses to not date them (not commit that comes with time) because they work too hard or whatever, I’d rather date a work-a-holic than someone who at 33 thinks her MBA will last the 40 yrs.
For too many of us dating IS our life.
Its easy to date the fab person whose job doesnt get in the way (they get off of work ALL WEEK at 5-6, 7). After work is nothing but an excuse to sit around and look “fab” in their chi-chi (wasting money) after hours spot.
Well I find that life BORING. I am going all out for my film career-screw a dating scene in which I as a man on 36 hour weekly paycheck has to ALWAYS pay and of course I am guaranteed nothing.
Well I buy equipment it works. I write scripts actors tell me if they like or not, Final Cut Pro doesnt tell me after spending $1300 I should expect nothing.
I have no time for todays over materialistic dating scene. Really whens the last time we dated somebody thats NOT into all the useless fashion, or drinks or whatever makes you “fresh to death”?
Where we eat, what we eat or drink is all scrutinized as if it can tell you something about the persons character. And we have allowed materialism to speak for charter these days.
Sad but smart and dumb, men and women we have ll brought into this. We assume that a person isnt “official” if they are sans specific “things”. Everything from being a vegan to a woman’s bag is somehow a reflection on her character or mine for bagging her.
We date for an imaginary audience and the whole “at least its not that bad for me” convo.
In the end I’ll invest in my business instead of a boring dating scene I have been apart since 16.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 3:20 pm
“I have mentioned in our era we give time to relationships built around lust but pretend their “official” (cause of the sex and social life)and the people whom we should build with we find excuses to not date them (not commit that comes with time) because they work too hard or whatever, I’d rather date a work-a-holic than someone who at 33 thinks her MBA will last the 40 yrs.”
This is interesting sir. I think I’m gonna have to agree with this. Gotta be careful with workaholics though. That can become an excuse for shady things…
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temps/eny films Reply:
June 23rd, 2010 at 11:59 am
true indeed about the workaholic yet I will never be home most of the year at 6 or 7 so I wonder for the people who rush out of work to do nothing (you know sitting around chatting about nothing looking good but talking hot air), they scare me.
You dont have a task or an agenda after work you just go from bar/lounge to bar /lounge looking to be entertained.
Just what do you do all year long?
How many times is running to the store for a sale or so and so release party is this weekend (what about next weekend?) after work gonna hold your interest?
To me staying busy makes the fun well funner, after grinding on a project for 6wks its a breath of fresh air to go out and NOT talk about film. In the end I cant live with the MBA who got it at 23 now 34 and sounds like grad school was four decades ago.
And trust when I talk to women what I talk about is better than just saying I am kicking it and talking in mind numbing cliches about “searching for my thing”.
Its easier to get a busy bee to stop than a someone complacent to get it in gear (esp if they some success in their life they’ll give the “i’m taking a break” spiel).
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And we have allowed materialism to speak for **charter these days.
**That should say CHARACTER
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Dates.. dates. Never. Only one member of my crew I know actually subscribes to such silly out-of-date (no pun intended) sucka activity.
Sure when I was in high school it was nice to be able to say.. I have a date. But it was almost always movies and it got old quick.
In college, no one had money to spend on dinners. So if we wanted to spend time with a female the popular tactic was always “Why don’t you come and watch a movie in my room.” Of course college dorms didn’t have much in seating so you already were starting off on the bead. I like to think Limewire and Kazaa for all those ‘dates’.
I can’t front like its not ok to take an SO out, but something should be establish before you start taking these girls to over priced restaurants. Its a shame b/c I love eating out (yeap, that is what I said).. but it hurts my soul (and by soul I mean wallet). This sushi whore needs a cheaper dealer. Than maybe I will go on more dates..
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Guns & Butter Reply:
June 22nd, 2010 at 4:06 pm
word up. dates are whack… eff em, no friday.
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Hmmm… Maybe I’m old fashioned or an old lady, but I think dating is important. And this is coming from a woman who has been on some great dates, not so great dates, and in between dates. Oh and has had some dating dry spells. But I think that two people who are interested in each other (bold, underline, underline) definitely need to get out of the house and explore the world together in some shape, form or fashion. I don’t care if it’s free. Or extravagent. Screen on the green w/ a picnic basket. Or dinner at the Palm. A random trip to the beach because she says she wishes she could feel sand beneath her toes. Or dining in the dark. The hard part of course is finding the person who will be worth your time. And in fits of exasperation you throw your hands up in the air and be like f-it, I’m never dating again! Meh. Been there. But still open to the whole dating thing.
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Best cheap undergrad date: guy came to my dorm, we made breakfast (it was around 9 on a saturday morning), watched cartoons and had great convo.
Best adult date: had a few nice dinner dates, great date with one guy where the chemistry was crazy.
I rarely go on dates with men I just met. And, if you get to the stage where we are going out on a date, and you are paying (as opposed to going dutch), if nothing comes out of it, it was because we weren’t able to capitalize that initial connection (or you just ruined it, lol). I wouldn’t waste my time or spend your money if I didn’t already feel that there was an established connection.
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