Visit Our Store!
Did I Grow Up Too Fast?
As a budding workaholic, I’ve only concerned myself with working hard and playing hard until a couple weeks ago. It was a bleak, cloud filled Saturday when I left my office to finally go to the parking garage. A Friday night filled with Patron shots and Stoly Os coupled with the exhaustion from working around ten hours the next day, had me groggily walking my usual route. I made one last sprint and turned the last corner to the elevator banks only to be confronted by a group of young boys and their lone chaperone.
The kids were all giddy with excitement, jumping around and yelling furiously about some event they had just attended within the adjacent hotel. To my dismay, they boarded the elevator with me and rode it all the way down to the garage. The teenage laughter echoed off the walls, reverberated thru the air, assaulted my ear drums and then jumped around like House of Pain on my damaged brain. I was like a White woman in an elevator full of Black guys when I heard the ding of the elevator bell. I exhaled as I got off (pause) and walked through the garage towards my car, giving one last look at the young kids as they got into their chaperon’s SUV. They were as happy as ever, and me, I was the pre season Grinch. Most likely it was caused by the hangover and grinding on a Saturday, but it could’ve been hate too. More likely the latter. As a result, the experience got me thinking – maybe I grew up too fast.
Everyone has their own cross to bear, I’ll just say I was put in situations as a child that made me grow up a little faster. In addition, I was always the youngest in my class or crew. Not a Dougie Howser, just a dude with a weird birthday whose parents decided to put him in school early. Why pay for a babysitter when they can have one for free? As a result, I was often the youngest to do things and the pattern continued throughout my life. Now, I’m the youngest dude in my position at my job. I’m not complaining, I’m quite proud of my accomplishments thus far. However, sometimes I wonder if I should’ve taken it slower.
I could’ve goofed around a little. Took my time in college. Extended my celebration when I was a new member of the most prestigious, dimensional fraternity of magnitude in the world for a couple more semesters. Destroyed my liver and brain cells more. Dabbled with herbals and went backpacking across Europe to “find myself”, entered a Shaolin Kung Fu temple in the mountains of China or even joined the circus and worked as a lion tamer (I’m good with… ahh, forget it). At the very least, it would’ve been cool to chill in Queens drinking Arizona Fruit Punches and eating chicken patties for a few. Instead I graduated, had an internship as soon as I walked off stage and now I’ve been working for that same company since.
Don’t get it twisted, I’m not complaining. I’m blessed. Sometimes I just wonder – should I have taken my time or did I move in the nick of time? And what about you? Do you feel like you moved too slow, too fast or did you do it just right (pause)?
Seattle – Deep Thoughts Without Herbals Supplements – Washington
41 Responses to “Did I Grow Up Too Fast?”
Comments
Read below or add a comment...
Leave A Comment...
RSS & Twitter
-
Ironically, your travels to adulthood sound a lot like mine… and at times, I look back and ponder about times I missed while studying or not calling off work and wonder if I truly missed out.
Maybe… maybe not.
I then take a look at some of my associates who kicked it harder than an overdose of Viagra… and the majority of them have those times to fall back on – and little else.
Yes, we had to sacrifice – but the fruit of the labors taste much sweeter than the short lived thrill of that moment…
Reply
ladebelle Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 10:10 am
well said mr. smart guy…
Reply
reign Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I agree well said.
Reply
It all depends on what your goals are in my opinion. I took the “youngest to do ______” stuff waaaay too seriously until I hit 21 and realized I had very few good stories. Sure, having success in one’s career is great, but I’ve seen too many people scratch their way to the top and put in crazy long hours just to lose their job and with it, their entire sense of self. Or even worse, they get stuck at a certain level (maybe even the very top) and start wondering why they did it all in the first place. No matter what you’re doing with your time, you’ve got opportunity cost. Putting in work is crucial, and I think the best way to do things is pedal thru the floor board, whether you’re working or playing (pause). I think it makes sense to figure out when you’re young what really matters to you, so that you don’t wind up mid 40s wondering what you’ve worked for.
Reply
ladebelle Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 10:12 am
“but I’ve seen too many people scratch their way to the top and put in crazy long hours just to lose their job and with it, their entire sense of self”
that is such a great and profound statement!!! i was talking to one of the execs that volunteers with my client and he was saying just that… that who you are at work or within your career doesn’t make the person that you are…
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 10:18 am
This is part of the reason I’m so disgruntled at work…
Reply
Peyso b/c I get money in all currencies Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I’m disgruntled at work and this isnt the reason, so what’s my problem?
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Good question Peyso. Maybe you hate everybody there.lol.
Reply
ladebelle Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
it’s ok peyso… i hate everyone there too
Reply
I think growth on a mental level is the most influential part of worldly growth. College, jobs, relationships, all of these things are controlled by factors beyond yourself and the only way to regulate your growth within those areas to focus on your mentality. Looking to society to tell you what tax bracket you should be in or when you should have gotten married, means that you’re navigating through life on a superficiality that will lead to disappointment because there’s always someone better off than you.
Mental growth is revealing; introspection allows people to self diagnose and medicate the issues that stem no further than beyond their minds. The issue of social expectation is a personal problem.
Perspective is where it’s at. When the cool kids my age were watching Thundercats and X-Men, I knew nothing beyond Reading Rainbow and Magic School Bus. I could look back at my life and say that I missed out or that I’m different and both would be very true. I missed out on that, but I experienced elsewhere; I am different, but it’s not necessarily a bad different. When I came to college I hadn’t previously explored my sexuality like many of my peers, I felt like I was way behind in bases and batting for the losing team. A conversation with one of the more brilliant minds that I know revealed to me why people feel like they’re either growing too fast or too slow: people are too busy looking at everyone else to define them when they should be defining themselves. When you set your own norms of growth, you set your own pace to your own game. You’re above the standard of what you ought to know or ought to have experienced. You’re no longer competing with the world because you’re in a league of your own, and when you convince yourself of that, you’ll stumble upon the graduations, promotions, and evolution of love. Why? Well, you’ve molded yourself in to a unique individual who is the best at what he does because of how he does it.
Some of the greatest people you know acquired that greatness because they’re one of a kind, it’s no coincidence.
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 11:49 am
I admire your TV choices as a child, but you missed out on the Thundercats? Really?
“Give me sight beyond sight…”
Might have to watch those joints on DVD tonight.
Reply
ladebelle Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
thundercats was the bomb… so was snorkles and fragglerock… (sigh) to be a kid again
Reply
Educationally, I wish I would’ve moved slower and went to a black college and enjoyed myself in sororities and the whatnots, but instead, I went to a small college out of state and ended up quitting and coming back home to work full time.
So now I’m 28, and I’m still in undergrad school.. that part sucks.
BUT I appreciate that fact that I’ve always been mentally more advanced which has caused me to be a more responsible person… I haven’t had to make some of the mistakes other people have or cause my mama any grief.
Reply
First of all that picture is kinda creepin’ me out lol! That kid has the strangest look on his face and why is that girl doin that to this little boy?
Anyway, I feel I grew up just right. I tend to be the youngest a lot, I’m the youngest in my graduate program, etc. But I would never regret working throughout undergrad, not going to parties every night of the week, getting internships every summer for the past 4yrs, etc because It’s given me so much experience and brought me to where I am today. I don’t feel like I sacrificed my social life to get where I am. I still was able to go out with friends occassionally, I studied abroad for a semester, and so on. I think I had just the right balance to where I am still a step ahead a lot of my peers, but I also have gained some valuable life experiences along that path.
I agree with Southern Belle too though that you have to set your expecations, not society. To some people, the fact that I worked 30 or so hours a week throughout college could mean I gave up those “Thirsty Thursdays,” or “Wine Wednesdays” and maybe missed out on a key aspect of college experience. But, In my eyes, I had just the right amount of going out and partying.
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Happy someone finally commented on that pic. It had me rolling for days.
Reply
Steph Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 11:51 am
It’s sort of disturbing, lol!
Reply
Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
don’t let that lil innocent face fool you…
The pic doesn’t surprise me at all. I’ll be shopping and feel little hands trying to grab my butt on the regular lmao
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Wow. Lmao. Is that how the kids get down out in T-Dot?
Reply
Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
It’s actually happened in NY a couple times LOL
Lil boyz thought they were slick….
Reply
man seattle… i’m really feeling you right now…
i so wish that i had just taken more time to explore the world and me before settling into my life that i have now. i mean, i definitely party hard and worked harder throughout college and grad school and like you, i feel like looking at myself on paper i should be happy. but i do feel like i missed out on some things like the back packing through Europe, trips to Amsterdam, finding myself through experiences in different countries or states.
but i think that if that’s what i was really meant to do, then i would have done it. i’m REALLY working on living my life with no regrets (this is not going so well…lol) and recognizing that we live one time that we know of so i feel like i should live it up!
(p.s. i hope you participate in the little “story time” that i have going on on my blog)
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Quite true. I have a belief that things happen for a reason. It’s all like dominoes. If one piece was out of place, we might not be where we’re at right now.
“Story time”? Hmm… lemme check this out…
Reply
I’ve often pondered the same thing… I actually predicted it to my Ex when we were 19 or 20 when I was busting my ass going to school, taking care of our 2 kids, all while he was smoking trees with his buddies and hanging out all the time. I told him “Watch…. I’m just going to lose my damn mind one day when I’m older and all this built up pressure and steam is gonna blow.” And that’s exactly what happened. And now we’re divorced.
I am VERY glad I did what I had to do and got my bachelors and law degrees. However, I think always doing the “right thing” and taking that straight and narrow path when I was younger damaged my brain a bit, so now I sometimes feel like I’m trying to make up for lost time. But there are somethings you just can’t get back. (Don’t worry, I’m not one of those 30 year olds trying to kick it with the 21 crowd…. I have my own age appropriate sets to go to) I try and encourage youngstas to strike a balance with work and play. Take time to enjoy life. Because feeling like you missed out on life does a number on your psyche.
Reply
I have a different perspective on things. Thanks to being the youngest of 7 kids, I had plenty of examples of how to lead a balanced, and unbalanced, life. I, of course, chose to live my life partying more than working. I went to the black college instead of the ivy league cuz I wanted to have fun. Even during law school I made it a point to never miss the weekly kegger or networking event w/ free liqs. I live by the philosophy that life is too short and if I die tomorrow I want to look back at a helluva of ride.
Of course, this has lead to disapproving looks from everyone. Haters wondering how I can succeed when all I do is party etc etc. But the key is prioritizing your life. Figuring out what is most important to you and what mark you want to leave on this world. When I go, people may not say she was the best professional, or most responsible, but they will say they had fun when I was around. I can honestly say I have NO regrets, because good bad and/or ugly I have always done what I wanted to do. (at the time at least)
Lastly, I think if you find yourself feeling like you missed out, then make the opportunity you missed happen. Step outside the box. If you missed that year of backpacking through Europe & finding yourself; then plan a trip. Now it may be an even better experience because you are older and wiser and might just appreciate it more. Life is too short for regret.
Reply
This is a great post! I have often thought the same thing. I was an only child, I was the youngest of all my friends, I always wanted to rush and grow up. In college, I pledged my Org as a Senior and I was instantly on the other side of the age and experience coin. The number one advice I gave to them was to slow down. Enjoy a little bit more. Don’t get crazy and out of hand. Just take things in. Time flies, make sure you’re having fun.
Reply
How bout everyone just do whatever they like?
I’m agreeing with you but I’m not agreeing with you at the same time. Cant we just argue that no one can have the perfect balance? Where you lack others strive and vice versa. Plus it sounds like you have a pretty good time yourself. I felt like I lived a pretty solid life, the only regret I have is not really working hard in school. I feel like I worked extremely hard in every other facade of my life. I have been blessed enough for school to come relatively easy to me, I went to one of NYC’s best prep schools where I BS’d my way into graduation and going to an Ivy League school where I BS’d my way to another diploma with a decent GPA. I worked hard at football and pledging and girls and drinking and extra currics.
Reply
ladebelle Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
if everyone were to do everything they wanted, the world would be in utter chaos…
someone wise said that… i forget who…
what prep school?
Reply
Peyso Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Poly Prep
Reply
First off, that girl in that pic needs to be slapped by Bugs Bunny’s glove. WHY is she smiling proudly like she can’t wait to post that pic on Facebook? FAIL.
As far as college goes, I had a pretty normal pace in terms of time spent. Wait, lemme take that back. Four years used to be the normal pace, but now it’s longer than that. At least a half extra semester is spent in college amongst my peers. I’m glad I went at the pace I did, though. Especially in this economy. I got my full time
plantationcorporate job right in the nick of time!As a kid, I always seemed to gravitate toward the adults. Being raised by my Grandma, I favored her geriatric friends. I mean, no one can match the wit of the old folk. And I learned how to play Spades and Checkers by the MASTER – My Grandma. Though I had my share of close-knit friends who were my age, my childhood memories consist of slapping that Big Joker down on the table with glee amongst a four-player table. Lovely times.
Reply
Southern Belle Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
“WHY is she smiling proudly like she can’t wait to post that pic on Facebook? FAIL.”
lmao, love it.
Reply
“Dabbled with herbals and went backpacking across Europe to “find myself”, entered a Shaolin Kung Fu temple in the mountains of China or even joined the circus and worked as a lion tamer (I’m good with… ahh, forget it).”
Seriously???
I had to grow up fast because my moms worked two jobs. At 10 I would only see her one hour of the day, the rest was by myself going to school and cooking my self a pot of macaroni.
I do wish I had some of my college years back. I had my son my junior year and didn’t even take a break just continued my studies. That I am proud of. I partied but I didn’t drink until after I graduated. I had a paid internship while still in school, plus two other jobs, and that experience has placed me were I am now. Love the pay, the company, but my co-workers kick rocks.
Would I change some things, yes, but these experiences have made me who I am. I think having to grow up at an early age made me a stronger woman, more focused. People are always surprised of my age because I present myself to be so much more mature. I like who I’ve become and I’m still growing. Still miss those college days though. What is it about those years?!
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Hahaha. No, not seriously. I can live without the Shaolin monks and ancient Kung Fu secrets. However, a trip to Europe would be cool. That’s definitely on the bucket list.
It sounds like your experiences made you a strong woman, that’s quite admirable. You’re correct in not regretting your decisions, they make you who you are. From what I’ve read, it’s someone to be proud of and someone your child can look up to. Congrats.
Man, there aren’t any words to describe college. Maybe one – reckless.
Reply
reign Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
And that what I didn’t do, no reckless behavior. Not saying that’s what I should’ve done. It’s just that vibe, the atmosphere I guess.
Europe is definitely on my list, hopefully this next summer. I have people in Denmark. But if I go I have to hit up a few places in one trip. Europe is no joke on the pocket book. Get in as much as I can while I’m there.
Reply
I think you have to do those things that will allow you to get to where you want to be. I went from graduation, to a summer job and then straight to work unexpectedly. As time has gone on, I’ve been able to do the things that I need to do and want to do. Of course, finding that balance is not easy, nor have I exactly found it yet, but I’m good with where I am. No matter what, people have to grow in the soil they are placed in. So if you have too much structure and need less, you have to find ways to accomplish that. The opposite is also true. But in all, as has already been said, your experiences help you to grow and make you into who you are. And its not about the experience itself, but what you learn from it.
Reply
Nyela Goodness Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Welcome to comment land, Mr Rawlins! Come again! Oh, and I agree with your message.
Reply
MrRawlins Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
lol…thanks
Reply
“The True Essence of Life is the Journey not the Destination.”
I try to live my life by that quote as much as possible. Of course as kids, we all see ourselves (at least most on this site) as Doctors, Lawyers, Actors, Ball Players, Accountants, etc. but no one ever really KNOWS what path they will end up on, on their way to that. You encounter so many people & so much information over the span of your life that its only natural to change your mind along the way. The thing is to know the decisions that you made was ultimately something you can live w/weighing the pros and cons of each situation and if you can live w/the negatives as well as the positives (w/the later outnumbering the first), then you’re headed in the right direction.
As my friend Seattle knows, i’m currently on a delayed path to my engineering degree. Now i’ve lived the reckless lifestyle, became a member of the most prestigious fraternity in the world, smoke and drank any time of the week that ended w/day, had my fair share of flings, been the head of a few orgs, worked a few jobs, and lost a few hairs in the process, all while being one step away from my ultimate goal which is my degree (I will complete this coming Friday). Now at times it was hard to watch others walk across the stage and come back to visit as I became the “old head” on campus but the extra time (2 years) that it took me to reach this goal I believe was well worth it. My focus is much clearer, as I mentioned above I’ve had ample time to engage in various orgs and activities which many of my counterparts never had a chance to do b/c they followed the “4 year plan” and in the process it helped me GROW UP. I’ve heard from a few folks that I’m WYZE beyond my years and I believe that comes from first hand experiences that i’ve been blessed to go thru up to this point in my life. I’ve heard the stories about people leaving college after 4 years and missing and regreting not staying an extra year or going abroad and b/c of my extra time, I can honestly say I don’t regret a thing.
As a black 24 year old soon to be engineer I wouldn’t say that I grew up too fast nor progressed too slow; rather I grew JUST RIGHT!
JUSS MY 2 CENTS…
Reply
Ohhhhhh! I finally figured it out! You’re a Sigma!
Reply
Peyso b/c I get money in all currencies Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I thought he was a Que personally
Reply
ToySoldier Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
That’s actually what I thought. Until he didn’t respond to my November “Happy Founders’ Day” wish.
And then he wrote “a new member of the most prestigious, dimensional fraternity of magnitude in the world.”
Aha!
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
December 9th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Someone get that girl a prize!
I’m amazed at your detective skills Angela Lansbury. I wish your boyfriend (or girlfriend) the best of luck. Hahaha.
Reply
Seattle Washington…this may be a silly question but do you live in Seattle?? Asking because I lived there…just moved a few months ago…I sorely miss it.
Reply