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Don’t You Trust Me?
***Here’s a throwback from my other gig. Enjoy ‘n what not…***
One of the most annoying but necessary evils of sexual relations is wrapping it up. I think a little piece of every man dies every time he cops a box of rubbers, especially if it’s a last minute purchase at a corner store or a gas station. ::Yeah, let me get $40 on 8, a box of Parliaments…short, a dutch, and ummmmm (whispers) a box of Magnums:: Then comes the awkward transition from foreplay to coitus while he anxiously puts the condom on. (I wonder what people think about during that time…) On the one hand, I suppose it beats the hell out of no sex at all or rubbing it out yourself, but sex with a rubber is like driving a race car on I95 doing the speed limit. What’s the damn point?
I’d like to take a quick moment to clarify a myth. The myth being that men are the only ones that hate rubbers. Women hate the fact that men have to wear rubbers and would probably give their last breath and every purse in their collection for a skin to skin worry free trip(s) to their preferred Rampin’ Shop. (See Usher’s “That’s What It’s Made For) That euphoric feeling of hot, wet flesh pressed up against each other is priceless. Well actually…it can range anywhere from $20 to $4,500, or as we call it here in New York, Elliot Spitzer dollars.
One of the perks of commitment is usually the pleasure of bare relations, because at some point in every flourishing relationship, the gloves have to come off, and not in the C. Brown/Rihanna sense. But when is the right time to love without a glove? Does the designation of titles automatically qualify you for the Everynight RAW sweepstakes? Once one party gets weary of using condoms the “Don’t You Trust Me” question is never too far behind. Even in prolonged “FWB” situations, there is usually a relationship developed that is sometimes steeped in a trust established that is more like a mutual understanding an expectation to not leave your f*ck buddy hanging you out to dry. But can the desire to do it raw cloud this particular decision making process? After all, it is human instinct to pursue what they truly desire by any means necessary. So when a guy says “Yea, I’ll be ready if we have a baby”, that really means, “These rubbers are choking the end of my shaft and I’ll jump out a window if I have to keep wearin’ them.” Conversely, sometimes when a lady says “Yes, I’m on the pill”, that usually means, “My homegirl got the hookup on Plan B…and your eyes are too close together, I’d probably never bear your child anyway.”
Most people base the decision on whether or not to use protection on their primal instincts instead of serious discussion on how to handle the possible implications of enjoying each other sans latex. Birth control and the advent of Plan B have made the decision seem a bit more logical, but you always have to keep in mind the other life sentence that can be handed down from raw beats is that good old boogie monster. In a lot of situations, the decision about gloves can be a dealbreaker for some. It can turn FWB situations sour and be the elephant in the bedroom for people in relationships. (If you’re married and still wearing condoms that’s just plain silly.) In an effort to preserve their relationships, peope usually don’t keep it real with each other, and have a tendency say what they think the other person wants to hear for fear they might lose whatever they currently have going. The problem with this is that someone ends up burned or knocked up and very unhappy.
But you only live once right?
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Umm, I concur (I’m not sure if there’s a question in here somewhere). Being able to not worry about wearing a condom is definitely one of the top 5 benefits to a committed relationship.
Also, I’m loving that I’m getting a bunch of ads for condoms on the side of my page.
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Condoms suck. There’s no way around that fact. They deny the “priceless” feeling which is unfortunate.
After nearly a decade with my girlfriend we use both condoms and birth control. Although the condoms get left on the dresser from time to time our main goal of the prevetion of pregnancy is covered. (In my head I’m conviced that I’l be a sh***y father.) I’m just wondering why there isn’t some form of male birth control. Not only would I take it, I’d free base it.
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Shondriette Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 7:40 am
@ Wu Young Agent of M.E.
“I’m just wondering why there isn’t some form of male birth control. Not only would I take it, I’d free base it.”
I’m so glad that I wasn’t eating or drinking when I read this or I might have choked!!
With that said, I’m a woman and I hate condoms! They feel, smell and taste unnatural…regardless of type, brand or added pina colada/banana/strawberry flavor. However, I keep a box on stand-by for the obvious reasons: 1) I’d hate to have to go Lorena Bobbitt on the man who gave me an STD and 2) I’ll be a great mom one day but not on this single income and in this one-bedroom apartment.
I wish there was a better alternative but alas there isn’t and that sucks…hard!
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Yeah, I hate condoms..but, sometimes they are a ncecessary evil.
That is all.
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Ewww.
I had to use a semisynthetic organic amorphous solid yesterday. It was the worse. The worse part is that all oral has to be done before the late text goes on. I even told myself as I was going in “Hey let me take a taste now, before I ruin this beautiful meal with the TASTE OF HOSPITAL. It ruins the spontaneity.
Now this is coming from someone in a long one-on-one relationship. But when my freinds say rubbers mess them up, I just think to myself “Hey man. STDs happen. Don’t do the exit whole and shower afterwards. MAN UP.”
I can’t be in a committed relationship, have you on the pill, and still be using a C. That is being too safe. There needs to be some danger just for me to get hard. I may be the master of the pull out, but there is plenty of opening acts that try to steal the show before the headliner… see what I’m saying?
The momment ‘dating,’ or ‘hooking up’ becomes an official relationship a conversation needs to be had about what happens to the physical. That conversation needs to include testing, discussions about abortion/adoption/fatherhood, sleepovers (that is for my girl max), birth control, oral frequency, flirting, @nal possibilities, pulling out, swallowing/spitting, number of pass partners, baby mommas, creampies, ATM, 3somes, cuddling, positions, toys, self stimulation, dirty talk, and …. SHAVING!
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N.I.A.naturally Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 10:56 am
co-sign your last paragraph. When you are venturing into a committed, monogomous relationship, everything regarding sex should be discussed openly and honestly.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
just the last paragraph .. no love for the pre-cum?
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max Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 11:43 am
“There needs to be some danger just for me to get hard.”
And this is why I love CHeeKZ.
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“we only live once right?” Yes we do, but child support payments come once a month as well. Both should have a discussion of what would happen if she got pregnant. You can’t always hope she will have an abortion. If you do not want to be a dad, either wrap it up or dont do it. The pill isn’t 100% effective…neither is any other form. If you’re in a committed relationship you should still get tested. I do, b/c I’m not married. Make sure you know your status….always xoxo
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CHeeKZ Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
“You can’t always hope she will have an abortion”
Men should have the right to opt out of child support payments if a women choses to not have an abortion.
YEAH.I.SAID.IT.
I can’t tell you what to do with your body, but you can’t tell me what to do with my money.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Y’know… the man has a point.
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N.I.A.naturally Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
No…
When you have unprotected sex with someone, you are opting into whatever consequences come out of that. Period. Whether it be an STD or a pregnancy. If you really don’t eant to pay child support, then you should make sure your condom is on safe and secure. Besides, condoms are cheaper and safer than abortions, and easier to use. Abortion should not be used as a method of birth control just because you prefer skin to skin contact.
This is why all parties in a committed relationship need to discuss all of the implications of having unprotected sex. Shit happens. Are you really smotionally and financially ready to deal with it? If not, keep your condoms in the drawer, and make sure she is taking her BC.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 1:45 pm
I co-sign your last paragraph (take that!), but you are beingg one-sided with your first.
Clearly everyone should use pull out, take their pills everyday, have a patch on every limb, Cs, and have discussions, get their tubes tied, and pratice abstience. But that isn’t that real world and even if it was some people are still going to get pregnant.
Granted I made a choice to sleep with her, but you refuse to hold he accountable for sleeping with me. We are only hurting ourselves by forcing fatherhood on these men who were just a little horny. If you make a choice to have a baby, your choice shouldn’t effect my life. We only had sex, I didn’t marry you.
I have several child support rules:
1) You have to notify the father within the first three months of the pregnancy to qualify for court appointed child support.
2)$1000 fine for wrongfully sued men. So if Maury says “You are not the father” YOU come off that cash!
3)The father should be given full access to the mothers expense records. There is nothing that monitors who these ‘mothers’ spend their cash
4)no lifestyle expense! The amount of funds granted should be based on the quality of life of the community. Not how much the father makes. NAS SHOULD NOT BE PAYING 20K A MONTH!
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, B.A., LLC, Affirm Dese Nuts Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
And let’s not take swallowing off the table. Can’t get pregnant off of ingestion. Good looks on that one Jesus.
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Denise Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
@Cheekz 90% of life is caused out of people’s stupid mistakes. If you are not ready to be a dad, or do not want to become infested with HIV, STD’s dont sleep around. Keep it in your pants. Abortions are dangerous, theyre not exactly safe. And if a girl had an abortion for your child, will you be willing to pay her psychologist for the counseling she would need to seek? Men often try to blame women for the reason theyre stuck with a kid.
IF YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF MARRYING A WOMAN, DONT SLEEP WITH HER! Its not that hard, but men often let their “pen*s” control theyre common sense. Its quite simple. Dont put yourself in a situation where you can get caught up. And children cost money. If you are not willing to put out the cash, by all means zip up, and move on. Its not fair & having a baby is a sacrifice. Women sacrifice time & their bodies to raise a child. Sometimes i wish single moms would drop the kids off to these loser dads with no financial support & give them a taste of their own medicine…..go figure
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CVal Reply:
May 6th, 2010 at 12:20 am
I agree with you Denise but Cheekz nailed it with the child support rules
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This is funny b/c I think most dudes who are not in a committed relationship w/ said hook-up assume that if something went left & he got that late text… she would be thinking “hey, idk him like that… guess I should go to the clinic.” Not I said the cat… i’d be a child-rearing someone. So for me… knowing my preferred options… I’m CAREFUL about partners. It sux having to think of every guy as a potential baby daddy but it does the trick. I’ve escaped many advances just picturing said man w/ a diaper bag. I absolutely hate condoms b/c they cease & desist the Nile river from doing what she’s supposed to do. However, unless we are in a committed relationship which I haven’t been in over two years… they are a necessary evil. Just like BC, I’m popping em on the regular & no one’s poppin me on the regular. #seewhatididthere Just in case…
Oh… & I have my papers on my dresser… where are yours? Are they signed? No? Notarized? No? *pulls up skirt* I’ll holla.
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Cheekz is right. Another conversation to have: what is your definition of commitment? If you are not on the same page, there just may be disaster ahead.
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i may be putting too much thought into it.. but i live in in S. Florida, and the rate down here is NUTTIN to sneeze at.. so i just kindly ask myself “would i mind being tied to this fool if i pop up preggy?” if the answer is no, you can honestly BELIEVE you won’t even get a whiff of the Gogi berry that i own..
i can have all the spontenaeity with someone that i wouldn’t mind poppin a seed for.. i’m older now, i can’t afford no slip ups.. especially considering i’m entering “scary zone” when it comes to birthin those babies.. nuff said..
needless to say.. goin at it raw feels GREAT!! the heat, the feeling of “it’s actually happening”.. all of that!! that’s good stuff..
however, this is AFTER i’ve seen your test results..
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I just want to do the PSA that everyone should get tested. DO NOT trust some “papers” What if he took the test monday and then smashed dirty chick tuesday. Always get tested and always wrap it up.
I won’t say I have never slipped up but I try my best not to. I know people who have/had HIV and AIDS. It is never worth it and check the stats on how many new cases come from people in “committed relationships”
Yes it may feel better but is that feeling worth the consequences?
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S0_Flyy Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
I agree w/ getting tested but when most people are getting ready to do the do (mostly at night and spontaneous) there usually isn’t a clinic in sight. So asking if he’s been tested/seeing his papers/wearing a condom is usually the best people can do. And if he smashed a “dirty” chick Tuesday, if she’s HIV+ it mostly like won’t show up for 6 months. So getting a test every week… pointless. Just make sure you have regular appts and ask your partner the necessary questions. If you can’t find it in yourself to do it, then you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with them.
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Orange Star Happy Hunting Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Thats why you have those conversations EARLY, not in the heat of the moment, and go get tested together EARLY not only for HIV but Herpes Simplex 1 and 2 and HPV.
Its best to do these things EARLY on when you know the possibility of sex looms, even if ya’ll neva go there.
You are being safe, responsible, and proactive by demonstrating that you care enough about about your health and theirs to always know the deal.
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S0_Flyy Reply:
May 5th, 2010 at 4:52 pm
Agreed. But who knows a potential sex partner 6 months in advance for something like HIV testing? I’m not condoning… I’m just saying what is reality. In a situation where a relationship is forming, or has begun your scenario is completely feasible. Most don’t know their partner 3 months before taking a roll in the hay.
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Orange Star Happy Hunting Reply:
May 6th, 2010 at 10:18 am
thats a large part of the problem wouldn’t ya say? LOL
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hmph. can’t read all of this cause i’ma hop on a train soon (non sexual), but I’ma fan of the C. Even if I trust shorty and whatnot, I don’t want any kids right now. Shorties be trying to keep em, and I can’t come up off the gwap for CS.
Cs are the only thing a man can trust even if 99.8% (or whatever) of the time.
- the ever lurking g&b
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I don’t wear C’s.
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yes Condoms suck. But HIV is far far worse. So if the ‘Don’t you trust me question’ comes up – the straight up answer is – ‘When it comes to my life. No’.
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