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Is That His Ego or Intuition?
Ladies, have you ever noticed that once you get a new boo, or decide that you want some single, sexy, and bitter free time, all of a sudden you get calls, texts, and/or emails, from the Ghosts of Relationships Past trying to reach out and touch (my body)? What is this all about?
Its like they have some radar or something. And its not restricted to the dudes that you “loved”. Even the one-hit wonders get some sort of sense that something about your current situation has changed. After months of next to no communication, you start getting the “Hey, I was just thinking about you,” line only a few moments after you have moved on.
They say women have “intuition” that is supposed to guide us through the dark spots in our lives. Or its supposed to open our eyes when things aren’t going well.
But men, your “intuition” kicks in when someone is moving in on your former boo. Or is it really your ego? How does it work? Do you feel a tingle in your loins subconscious that triggers something in your mind?
Now this may not seem like a big deal. Home boy is just calling to “check up.” And sometimes, that is all that it is, which is fine. But fellas, may I ask, after not speaking to a woman for some significant period of time, what’s the point in calling at all? Especially when the conversation goes like this:
Woman: ::reluctantly answers:: Hey there. How are you?
(Small talk and awkward conversational transitions ensue)
Man: So yeah. I’ve been thinking and I am ready to be what you wanted me to be when we broke up. So how about it?
Woman: ::gasp:: ::silence:: I gotta go. ::click::
Man: ::strokes “ego”:: Yeah, I got her right where I want her.
Guys, if it is clear that your ex has moved on, don’t do this. It only creates ill feelings toward you, or confusion within her heart and mind.
“But Ms. Jenkins, how do I know she has moved on?” I’m glad you asked. Here are some hints:
She doesn’t pick up when you call, or she hasn’t initiated conversation with you in months.
If she wanted to talk to you, she’d call, or answer when you did. Stop calling her.
If you do talk, she dodges your questions about any new boo-interests, and doesn’t ask about yours.
Dudes try to be cute and sneak it in. pause. “It” being the question about her seeing anyone new. And then she starts dancing around the question like she’s doin that bird walk. By not answering you questions, she is either trying to spare your feelings, or get you to mind your business. By not asking about your potential boos, she’s telling you that she doesn’t care. Note that neither of these involve her trying to get back with you.
If your conversations do not center on “the future” you hope to have with her.
Chances are, you two don’t have a future together. Get over it.
She resists your attempts to meet up for dranks or something.
Do I need to explain why this is a sign? Its amazing how after being rejecting nicely, or with some of that good ol’ feminine stankness, some dudes will still keep making advances.
Fellas, please share with us how the thing works. Ladies, have you had to play dodge-the-ex? Do tell. Do tell.
Sowhatiff - I dodge exes like I used to dodge bullets - Jenkins
64 Responses to “Is That His Ego or Intuition?”
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This happens to me. In fact, it just happened to me last week. This fool that approached me around Thanksgiving and then f*d up around Valentine’s Day came back around talking about some…”I know you didn’t think you were getting off that easy” WTF?! I didn’t even know I was on…
That pretty much disgusted me…I almost changed my phone number.
I just think naggas need to get it together a little bit more and realize there’s a reason she has a new boo and isn’t calling you.
Moving right along…
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:04 pm
“…”I know you didn’t think you were getting off that easy” WTF?! I didn’t even know I was on…”
I know right!!!!
lmao
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” not answering you questions, she is either trying to spare your feelings, or get you to mind your business. By not asking about your potential boos, she’s telling you that she doesn’t care.”
Very good!!!!
I had an ex send me a text just two weeks ago, asking if I loved him. Ummm, sir, I haven’t talked to you since November nor attempted to make contact.
I just kept answering his questions with questions until he got tired and left me alone.
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Britt Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:15 am
LOL @ answering his ?s with a ?. Yea men do have some sort of instinct, just like any other predator when they are after prey. I am really great at not answering the phone, texts or e-mails and (the coupe de grace) cutting a chance in person meeting short. Ha!
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 12:36 pm
“I am really great at not answering the phone, texts or e-mails and (the coupe de grace) cutting a chance in person meeting short. Ha!”
YES! I use this tactic too!
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Yea, dudes get mad sketch when they’re no longer in the mix. My ex-boo—taking place for a short time between 13-15 years old—still texts me randomly. But he’ll try to front like he’s asking a question that he feels only I would know. For example…
The ova day he sent a text like “I know you all up on technology, so should I get a Mac or a PC?” He knows I
think PCs are a waste of perfectly good garbagefeel stongly about Mac’s, so I answered his question with passion, sincerity, and brevity: “A Mac will change your life. Once you go Mac, you’ll never go back. The end.” His reply: “Thanks. I knew you would come through, like you always do. I bet a Mac can’t change my life like you did. I miss you. I still haven’t met anyone like you.”Really, though?! Uhm…can I just say that I cut him off a long time ago, and the only reason I even started responding to his texts again is because one day he sent a msg saying his grandmother died? Is it ego, intuition, or just plain idiocy?! Stop it. Stop it, now.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 9:45 am
“Thanks. I knew you would come through, like you always do. I bet a Mac can’t change my life like you did. I miss you. I still haven’t met anyone like you.””
That was a bit heavy for a MAC question.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:17 am
Isn’t it?! Sooo extra! Uhm…and he has a boo. smh
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Cheekie Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:29 am
“His reply: “Thanks. I knew you would come through, like you always do. I bet a Mac can’t change my life like you did. I miss you. I still haven’t met anyone like you.””
LMAO @ this ninja using Mac as a segue to get back at you.
PC: “Hi, I’m a PC”
Mac: “Hi, I’m a Mac”
Ex-boo: “Hi, I’m pathetic”.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:15 am
PC: “Hi, I’m a PC”
Mac: “Hi, I’m a Mac”
Ex-boo: “Hi, I’m pathetic”.
On.
The.
Floor.
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temps Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
G 5 in the bldg!!!!
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I’m guilty of reaching out to an ex before on the sly. I wanted to make sure nobody else had put their piece in yet (ego). Unfortunately, it was too late. After throwing a few darts at a picture of her, I decided I was completely over her
and my love was really just a strong sense of like.Reply
This has definitely happened to me. About two years ago, I decided that I was going to be abstinent for awhile to clear my head after a break up. For two straight months it seemed like the Ghosts of Woods Past and Future were haunting me for being Ebony Scrooge with the goodies. So I’m curious about this one myself fellas. Where does this come from????
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
“For two straight months it seemed like the Ghosts of Woods Past and Future were haunting me for being Ebony Scrooge with the goodies”
Luv this!!!
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I think its ego, last week money grip tried to do this to my jawn in the club, IN FRONT OF ME. He was a small dude, an Alpha to be specific, talking bout “O you like big Ques now”. I almost donkey kicked his arse right out the window.
Its ego but sometimes you just wanna know if she’s alive, that way you know she aint got the ninjas
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:34 am
lol. donkey kick. hehehe
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“Is That His Ego or Intuition?”
It’s egotistic intuition.
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I just (somewhat) had this very experience this morning…. some random dude I met once MONTHS ago called me up expecting me to remember and know who he was. He’d sent me a text the other day which I didn’t respond to, so that should’ve been a hint right there.
People, both men and women (but moreso women) always want what someone else has. Being boo’d up makes your stock rise because it shows that at least someone thinks you’re not crazy and at least dateable.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:57 am
“People, both men and women (but moreso women) always want what someone else has. Being boo’d up makes your stock rise because it shows that at least someone thinks you’re not crazy and at least dateable.”
Actually, this is applicable in other areas as well. I work in staffing and it’s a lot easier to place someone who is currently working but looking to change jobs than it is to place someone who isn’t working at all. I guess that being “occupied” makes a person looking more sessy to a company. Ahh, the overlap. So refreshing.
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Great post and true. I’m currently playing “dodge the ex.” He seems to pop up each time my love life starts looking up. I think he’s stalking my twitter.
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It’s pure ego. Nothing more, nothing less. Everybody still wants to know no matter who’s in the crib, I still can get a key. (To the back door preferably.)
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i really can’t relate to this. i’m not one for back tracking. when i move on i really move on. i leave the past where it should be; behind me. now i’m not saying that i’ve never fooled around with an ex, but it wasn’t me who initiated it.
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Ms. Jenkins,
You hit the nail on the head with this one! I’m not even sure it’s ego (for some, definitely). It’s like some cosmic force that pushes these ninjas out the woodwork. Once I met my love (twoo luuv) – the woulda, shoulda, coulda hit parade began…..
- The cute FedEx guy who used to flirt but never asked for the number explained that he finally broke up with an ex and wanted to know what was up.
- The guy I gave my number to at the club who only called once (a week after we met) suddenly began a phone message campaign.
- “Mr. Good Wood” – the guy who had me absolutely dyckmatized a few years ago, but dropped me to get with someone else, began calling and texting. Now, this one is the kicker, because he is STILL with the girl he broke up with me for, they are STILL planning to get married (he’s been blowin smoke out his butt for about a year on this one and still ain’t proposed), and he has a new baby (sheesh). “But Anna,” you say – “if he was that bad why were you ever with him?” That bamma’s name shoulda been David Copperfield the way he was slangin that magic stick. Man did I dodge a bullet on that one.
- The cute, nice married guy at my office tried to set me up with his cute, nice friend.
- the guy from my college that I went on a few dates with, but who never seemed to have the time, called out the blue to see how I was doing and tell me that he now had the time to “court me properly.” Good grief.
Funny thing is, I flat out asked Mr. Good Wood if he had just assumed that I would still be single and have time for him and he told me, “Yes. I always just thought of you as permanently single.” To which I replied, “Waaaaaaowww.” all Flava Flav style before hanging up on his stupid behind.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:28 am
Your story is bringing to mind all sorts of questions and issues and scenarios. But I’ll just say…
Behold the power of Pumpington!
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Anna Nimous Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Ahhh, the power of pumpington. Only to be trumped by the power of Dont-know-what-to-say-outcho-mouthington….
I’m telling you, if Good Wood were Superman, extended coversation would be kryptonite.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:38 am
As shady as the Mr. Good Wood’s of the world may be, ever woman should have had at least one in her life. ::shivers and reminisces::
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RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Long live Cocksmen.
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Anna Nimous Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 12:45 pm
When we reminisce over him……
My Gawd!
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RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:26 pm
And usually, we dont really care so much about your feelings as we do that “My Gawd” sensation…
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Oh yes.. I have lost sleep over one. Would get up and go over his house at 3 am only nap and rush back home to be at work for 8am. LOL
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ChokLitFactory Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
This post, along with the word, Dyckmatized – just made my damn day! LoL
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LOL that used happen til I started changin my number and recently moved after being at the same address over 10 years….when you truly don’t want to be bothered make it almost impossible to do so….if its in the past let it stay there, its the past cause I have moved beyond it!
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I have a confession. I must say, when the ex boo called me on some “No one will ever be able to replace you” tip, I was sad for him yet content in knowing that yes, I was and still am, just that fly.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Don’t it feel good to see people up on it? Feels like he came in the room, kissed your ring and called you Godmother, huh?
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:49 pm
“Feels like he came in the room, kissed your ring and called you Godmother, huh”
LMAO!
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Luvvie Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
“I was and still am, just that fly”
I’d like this on a tshirt, in a size Xsmall. Plz and thx
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I think it’s usually ego and immaturity. They want to know they still have it with you, whatever “it” is. Often, they were a bit too immature for the relationship you thought you were heading towards, which probably caused the breakup.
When they come crawling back, however, (no matter how hard we WISHED he would crawl back to us on his hands and knees post-break up), he just looks like a silly fool after-the-fact. Watching/listening to him grovel just isn’t as gratifying as we thought it would be. Oh, so you’ve reached an epiphany?? I’m the best thing you ever had?? You messed up when you let me go?? Damn… Sounds like something I told YOU two years ago…
I seriously had a guy call me up and try to put the sweat on TWO YEARS after the breakup of an on-again-off-again-are-we-friends-or-more-well-let’s-not-ruin-what-we-have relationship. He took me to dinner (well, I MET him there…) and poured out his HEART! Talking some, “I’m ready now…” shit. He said all the things I wished he would’ve said when the time was right… Two years later, though? That shit was straight COMEDY! Are you serious?
Then I got offended – I mean, so you really thought I might be sitting on the shelf, doing nothing but pining away for your love for the past two years? You really thought that all you’d have to do was show up on the scene and I would drop everything and float, fairy-tale like, into your arms? Boy, STOP!
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Peyso will kuffi smack you Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
its worth a try aint it though?
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niasmomma Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Worth a try? Yes and No.
Timing is everything, my friend. His “epiphany” two years later, to me, meant that he had just had his heart broken or had experienced something dramatic enough to have him ruminating about all my merits. Either way, two years later, it still wasn’t about me, it was about him licking his wounds and trying to find comfort and solace from his current love chaos in a person he knows was authentic and authentically down for him. Um, too late.
Don’t get me wrong, I was LOVIN’ the compliments, the “I’ve been thinking alot about the way you ___”, and the brief trip down memory lane. It felt good knowing at least for that moment that I, indeed, still had “it” with him. It was just too late for all that. The food was good, but the dinner itself was surreal.
If only there was Twitter back then…
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 4:06 pm
::two hands claps::
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I was just saying there must be some kind of pixie dust in the air because just last week I started getting hit at all angles from various exes, with txt msgs, call to my work line, topless photos (football chest , good morning!!!:)),random compliments from supposed friends..even my resident stalker wouldn’t stop ringing me down….
My latest ex still msg’s me with “baby” it makes me cringe..he keeps tryna add me back on FB and still thinks that there is a future together. If I am in a particularly good mood and/or am suffering from exreme boredom, I have reciprocated (yes, guilty!). I will ask him what he would you do differently and the answer is usually oral diarrhea “baby anything you ask me to.. blah blah.. poop poop.. splat”, good for a laugh, really is. At first I would cry like a lil punk when I received the calls and text messages begging for forgiveness, but now the “attention” just reinforces my knack for good decisions and trusting my gut- what was I thinking???
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One day, they arent enough black men to go around and sisters are crying for a bailout like the Notorious AIG. Today, y’all got n*ggas to burn. I just thought I’d point that out.
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Peyso will kuffi smack you Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:31 pm
this is funny
but in defense, i think their complaint is that there are enough quality black men around and this just makes it worse, but nahhh bump that. stop complainin
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niasmomma Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:38 pm
No. you. didn’t. Lex. Peyso, either you’re on or you’re off the fence, dammit… lmao
Mr. Steele gets the point all too well, I’m sure. He’s wearing his fresh-out-da-cleaners Devil’s advocate suit right now.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Yes. I. did. I don’t get the point at all. So what you’re telling me is, not only do you have the brother of the moment lined up, at your choosing you have a whole slate of brothers that are groveling at your feet, not limited to and also may include Mr. Good Wood. Did you ever stop to think maybe, JUST MAYBE, that in this in-between time of waiting on y’all to get off your high horse, that a young lady who just happens to be of another race rode by on a shorter horse? No…just me? Ok.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 2:45 pm
lmao…oh here we go again…RACE!
Black, blue, green red or turquoise…a no-good man is a no-good man…why shouldn’t we (women) set our standards high? And why should we consider giving in and backtracking for that matter? There is a reason the relationship ended or has not started and I am not in the business of falling for puppy dog eyes or whinning…if the “no-good” man was tryna change any at all he would give his lady space to come around, if that is what is to happen….
I think there are blurry lines btw courting & obession…
thats what this post is telling me……
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RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Now was he really no good, or no good at the time? I’m not condoning back tracking, I’m merely saying that this alleged rampant abscence of good black men might be just that…an allegation. Prove me wrong and I’ll STFU.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Def- “no good” at the time or for the individual!
I’m not a supporter of the “no good black men out there” rant, that’s some bull! I love black men and like I said on the first interacial post a la Slim a month or so ago-we meaning all of us
need to keep an open mind with our own, as well as with other races.
It is a self fullfilling prophecy when you utter that mess..”no good black men/women out there” This needs to stop!!!
I’m not gonna lie tho the fustration is mounting btw black men & women because of all the %’s and statistics they keep throwing at us.. “most your men are in jail”, “a white woman is more likely to marry than a black woman”, “73% of black women are single(i made the % up btw)”
All the more reason to set your standards high, make sure you are getting the respect that you deserve, despite the %’s and stats…black women are the most disrespected yet sought after woman on the planet….
We have every right to complain and get up on the high horse….I’m done. now. Sorry.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 3:37 pm
I see no resolution to this in sight so uh…whilst up there on your high horse, could you pass me that mango up on the high branch…it lookin very ripe…Grazi!
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Cheekie Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
“One day, they arent enough black men to go around and sisters are crying for a bailout like the Notorious AIG. Today, y’all got n*ggas to burn. I just thought I’d point that out.”
LMFAO @ this. Yeah, Peyso got it with the “quality” Black men specification. We got TRIFE ninjas to burn. If they were worth seriously pursuing, we wouldn’t be ignoring their calls. It ain’t that hard to have a long roster of trife ninjas.
The rush we get from ninjas burning up the celly is purely superficial. Don’t act like ya’ll don’t know and love that feeling.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I love when extremely unattractive women hit me up on Myspace telling me that I’m sexy and that we should chill.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Ok Lex I’ll gi you one mango…you wah some cornmeal pudding too? guiness?…yah come in like ya hungry…
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RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 4:03 pm
To hell with Jello…there’s always room for mango and guinness!
(Feeling like Oliver in that episode with him and the lady on the plane…you know the one I’m talkin about…)
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Why does race matter here?
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Cheekie Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 4:15 pm
“I love when extremely unattractive women hit me up on Myspace telling me that I’m sexy and that we should chill.”
*Giving Slim the side-eye*
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Just cuz there are few good dudes out there doesn’t mean we should settle for the wack leftovers from last week.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Whatever you say, Chicken Little.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Come see me.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 8:44 am
Like a great man once said: “It’s whatever, whenever, however nucca…” 1.
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I’m always gettin blasts from the past. Guys r always tryin to see if its still all good..smdh! Ur in the past for a reason…no need for tryin to rekindle what didnt happen in the 1st place…sum things really ARENT meant to be. Its annoyin when ex boos pop up..its usually the ones I dont wanna talk to anyways lmao!
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I think it’s his ego and his intuition! Some men just can’t stand the idea of another man enjoying his woman … even when he’s finished with her. That’s ego.
But intuition more so. I say that because the moment a woman collects herself, moves forward with her life, and begins to bask in a new love– she’s confident. She’s harder to get. He knows that it will be a challenge to get back in her good graces. And this mix of positive energy, confidence, and challenge is alluring. I think.
It’s the same mix that probably lead him to her in the first place, and then, chances are through out the course of the romance, the thrill of pursuit— diminished. Of course, if it’s real love, you don’t have to rely on crazy coquettry. But for most men, that’s what it takes to keep him enthralled. He senses when she’s moved on from him mentally and it becomes a fascinating challenge to reel her back in.
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I’m late to this topic but it’s so timely. Now that I’m dating this new guy, old guys have been calling. Something must release into the atmosphere that causes men from the past to zone in–all of a sudden.
I made the mistake of going out with a guy across the street a few times. That joker is really trying to cause confusion with the new guy by calling every time he sees him over at my house. The new guy can sense something because he makes a point of showing PDA when the other guy is outside watching us like a hawk.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
If your situation were reversed and these were women, someone already would’ve been sniped from the roof.
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Shelia Reply:
March 25th, 2009 at 9:16 am
I know I would probably be like–what are you doing to encourage this behavior.
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