You Don’t Want No Face?
SLIM: I’m a huge fan of raw sex. It brings so much joy to the life of the person (woman) receiving the pumpington. It also brings much joy to the person (man) delivering the glory strokes. Under normal circumstances, it’s supposed to be a mutual exchange of pleasures and delight that leave both parties in a state of euphoria.
Sometimes it’s not possible to engage in coitus and you end up having to do other things to bring or receive the pleasure. Ya know…things that are orally gratifying. I like that too…within reason. I’m not a fan of getting Woppington McSucklesworth from someone who’s mouth looks like jagged rocks that would shipwreck my piece.
SEATTLE: Just looking at a woman’s teeth gives me the shudders sometimes. It’s a wonder I place so much emphasis on a woman’s teeth and smile when it could literally destroy my whole life. Getting Heads Whoppington is like having a car in the city – you do all you can to keep yourself out of harm’s way, but eventually someone is going to scratch you. With that said, I wonder if they have those bumper guards available for your piece.
SLIM: I’ll pass on the bumperguards to brave the elements and risk it all to get a good Sloppy Not-So-Floppy. There’s no doubt about that. However, I will not risk it all to dive peter head first into some poomps. STD’s and potential bumpy johnson aside, I sometimes just don’t think it feels as good. I also know that I’ma skeet regardless of what orifice I choose to invade. In my mind, why not pick the one that’ll provide the most variety. Besides, if a vagina (or bootyhole) had a tongue in it, that would be pretty weird.
SEATTLE: But if it did, do you realize how fantastic that would be? I wonder if there’s some amazing alien race out there with that ability. I bet there is and that’s why there’s so much money dumped into the NASA annual budget. I just can’t believe the U.S., Russia and China would spend mountains of cash and toil constantly just to kick around some rocks on another planet. There’s rocks right here. I see a whole bunch of out of the kitchen window. Wow. We’ve gotten way off topic Slim. Non oral orifices with tongues? Sigh. You see what just talking about head does to mankind?
Which is exactly why we don’t understand why women prefer Lord Pumpington over Sir Squiggly Wiggly. Now without going into the cocky talk (no pun intended) and how my piece comes with a resume and references and all that, I’ll just think about myself for a second. I love sex, but there’s nothing like laying back and receiving an education as if I’m Neo in the Matrix.
**Proverbial Pause for the Duration of this Post**
SLIM: Agreed. And honestly, this has nothing to do with laziness. I’m not adverse to hopping on top and jack-hammering away. Backshots? Sure. Side smash? Wonderful. Receive Wops? Doing backflips. And I also don’t understand why women would prefer to have some tenacious D over Tongue Tactics when most women can’t even have an orgasm without direct clitoral/love button stimulation. You, the women, can just lay back and enjoy the fruits of his face and clap your thighs against his ears til he goes deaf. Yet and still, many of you would prefer to have some D in your thang knowing that the only one that will get that elusive nut will be him.
You’d rather me inject you with hot beef rather than lay you back and eat you into ecstasy? Don’t you know the odds are in your favor if I do the latter? Foolishness.
SEATTLE: Your altruism rivals the great missionaries of the past sir. If you weren’t such an outward and infamous sexual deviant, I’d recommend you for sainthood. Nonetheless, you’re right. I know I’m going to get mine at some point. It’s inevitable like Old Faithful bursting on Yellowstone’s rocks. So, I’m focused on making sure you join me running in the sunflower filled fields in the town of Ecstasy. Population 2. Let’s see who’ll get there first. No need for Mapquest. Word of mouth will do.
I can’t front though, I’m not one for the linguistics all the time. I tend to let my Not So Hunched Back of Notre Dame run up the tower and ring the bell. Still, I don’t understand why most women don’t take advantage of some face time. Sigh, guess it’s just one of those things I’ll never understand about women. Do you mind shedding some light on the situation?
Seattle – Baby, I Can’t Breathe – Washington
&
Slim- Stop Squirming and Let Me Do My Job- Jackson
158 Responses to “You Don’t Want No Face?”
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lmao!!! I spit soda on my keyboard while reading this. (btw slim and seattle owe me a new “s” key for my laptop). Both acts are great, no doubt about it. But like Katt williams said head is like a hot pocket convenient and gets the job done. But sex is like a thanksgiving dinner. Sure it takes time and prep work but there ain’t nothing like thanksgiving dinner. Much like there’s nothing like vitamin d.
-I like the full contact and I have very strong senses. I like to feel, taste, and smell a man in the heat of passion… ok i’ve said enough
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Girl, I totally agree with you here. You guys already know how I feel about face action, but there’s just something about the intimacy in sex that you can’t get from someone’s face in your crotch. the thought of one-on-one, skin-to-skin, sauce-dipping moist-ness exchange is seducing my spirit, and i’m at work… so i’m going to have to stop here.
btw, i love the euphemisms guys! lmao @ Woppington McSucklesworth…
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First of all, you two are fools. I could only imagine how much fun it was to write this.
Second, for me, its not an either of type of deal. Its a “Yes, please” and “Sure, I’ll take some of that as well”. You get different pleasures from each, so I’m down for both. The only time I can see a woman choosing one over the other is if she knows that his Smash McJohnson game is better than his Lickity leBox game or vise versa. But for me, bad Lickity leBox game is simply intolerable. ::fights off bad memories::
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Peyso Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 9:53 am
this made me laugh, i really dont know y
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Cuz it’s hilarious. That’s why.lol.
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Rox Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Touché
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Raqi Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:33 am
“But for me, bad Lickity leBox game is simply intolerable. ::fights off bad memories::”
Yeah… Thats the first thing I thought of when reading this post… When “Lickity leBox” is generating more slobber than love juices… Ugh!!! It’s enough to make you angry… ::shutters and curls in a ball::
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Ash Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:46 am
“When “Lickity leBox” is generating more slobber than love juices… Ugh!!! It’s enough to make you angry… ::shutters and curls in a ball::”
Cosign…
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Y’all are a tripp, I laughed the whole way thru this post, so thanks for making my morning =) Okay back to the subject @ hand…. I love both. I prefer to get mine *via Sir Squiggly Wiggly* then get mine again *via Lord Pumpington*….. double the pleasure, double the fun!
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Rox Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Exaaaaaactly
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:29 am
::right fist in air::
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I find it hilarious that today googleads has “thecutekid” for a match with your post…umm wth?
Anyway I second Ms. Jenkins as well. Why not both?
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LMAO @ the euphemisms in this post. Hilarious. I enjoy both, but if it was an either/or situation, I’m going with the Vitamin D. A session just doesn’t feel complete without it. Sure, the appetizer is appeasing, could be filling, but I’m enjoying it while thinking about the entree. And I want the entree.
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N.I.A. fabuloussince1982.... Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 9:19 am
I posted the same sentiment…face is awesome. but when he comes up for air, he needs to be prepared to lay it down horizontally…or vertically, whatever.
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I have a feeling that today’s comments are going to get pretty interesting.lol. By the way, if anybody is having issues posting comments, please use the holler at us contact form and let us know what’s happening specifically.
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Personally, I would take the tongue tactics over the Vitamin D anyday. I mean there’s nothing like a warm mouth and tongue all over my Juicy Fruit. In combination with that g-spot stimulation by a finger or two…. “O”h yeah.
I guess it’s really different strokes for different folks!
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Reign Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:34 am
The finger combination always takes it to the next level!! A definite O yeah
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CHeeKZ Tickel Reply:
April 17th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
You know back in the day, very few people knew abou the combination. Than Justin Slayer showed everyone that trick and now I don’t feel special. I need a new trick.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Purveyor of Gerth Reply:
April 17th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
God Bless Justin Slayer, Mr. Marcus and of course, the big guy, Mr. Lexington Steele.
Honorable mention: Shawn Michaels (not HBK)
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This is hilarious!!!! I like both…impress me linguistically and then give me the beef. Face is like a good appetizer, which can be very satisfying and fulifillig. But Beef… it’s what’s for dinner….
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CVal Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
LMAO!!!
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Am I the only one that prefers what is shamefully being referred to as an appetizer? I mean, how many of you ladies go to a restaurant, order an appetizer, and are full? So, by extension, a man’s linguistic wonder-working can fully satisfy. Vitamin D has it’s place, by cunnilingus is a girl’s best friend.
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Reina Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 9:31 am
I don’t deny that an appetizer can be satisfying, and I do hate to see it coming to an end. But most times, I do not order it at restaurants b/c I want to fully enjoy every moment of the entree. Yet I also rarely turn down the tongue gymnastics when it’s there for the taking.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:35 am
I enjoy the appetizer (a lot), and sometimes, can leave it at that. But if I know the meal that will follow is the bomb, I’m expecting the order, and may ask for seconds.
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Courtney Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:25 am
*stands up/waving hand* Preach!!!! EXACTLY
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Ms. Cherry (formerly known as ife1love) Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:53 am
I’m just a greedy b*tch lol…
That appetizer was good and filling and I’m sure I should back away from the table but… damn everything on the menu looks so tasty!
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Just A Thought Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:01 am
LOL!
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Anger Management Reply:
May 21st, 2009 at 1:37 pm
I guess I’m just greedy, I like the appetizer, dinner, AND dessert!
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First off, the wordplay in this post is fantastic. Kudos.
I’m with the school of thought that lickety-splits are just appetizers…. and yes, sometimes you will just go to the restaurant for appetizers and drinks and be cool. And then there are those restaurants where the appetizers are so big and fantastic that you can have them as meals. SOME resturants, not all. But when I’m going out to eat, the main thing I’m thinking of is grabbing a steak. You don’t find steak on the left panel of the menu.
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Reecie Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 9:46 am
“you don’t find steak on the left panel of the menu” SAY THAT!
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This was a hilarious read! I too prefer Vitamin D and am blessed to be able to “get mine” from both. The best head in the world could probably make this grown woman cry but even in the midst of that wimper, I’m thinking penetration is what I want.right.now. Ahhh, to have both is divine….
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Anybody else wet from reading this??? ANYBODY??
Now I can’t sit proper…my behind is so far to the edge of my chair I look like I pissed myself. Thanks boys!
Anyways…I used to be shy/reluctant about receiving oral treats until I got it done properly. Sucking the lips like u sucking on soup bones, stimulating the clit too hard are some of the things that will make me move up and want to close up shop. Be gentle and communication is key..and ladies don’t be afraid to direct that head in the direction that it should be hitting.
I’m not sure what kind of women you two have encountered because 98.4% of the women I know prefer that you “put in your mouth”…I don’t have a preference ..but the best is when you start off with oral goodness hit it, flip it, and then switch it up and give me some more oral goodness…it’s not enough to orally stimulate at the beginning- another tip?
I need to air out PEACE
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 9:56 am
I’m not sure what kind of women you two have encountered because 98.4% of the women I know prefer that you “put in your mouth”
How many women do you really know though?lol. And for the record, we’re not talking about women who have been traumatized cuz someone chewed their coochie like it was Wrigleys. I’m talking about the regular folks who haven’t had an awful awful experience like that. I really don’t think the number of women who prefer face is that high…though it should be.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:08 am
I’d like to see some stats…I’m shocked..but I think it would be interesting to delve into the flip side…I’m also shocked to know that a lot of women do not enjoy giving oral sex to their man *gasp*
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Reina Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:05 am
“I’m also shocked to know that a lot of women do not enjoy giving oral sex to their man *gasp*”
That doesn’t shock me at all.
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Peyso Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Curse those women, i didnt even know they still made that model
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Yeah Whatev Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
“I’m also shocked to know that a lot of women do not enjoy giving oral sex to their man *gasp*”
I have to be like head over heels in love to that and it better be just out the shower.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
i don’t know why it’s so surprising… i totally agree with Yeah Whatev. The idea grosses me out, but I know that someday I’ll have to take a sip or two, so I’d rather do it with someone I’m really in love with (read: my husband).
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J. Hunny Reply:
April 17th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
If you have a strong connection with a man, he tastes delicious and there is no substitute.
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B&TT,
You are speaking nothing but the truth.
*fans self*
Note: sorry for the lack of usage of reply function, but I’m using the convenient technology of my cellular device, lol.
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Okay this joint was hilarious!!! but ur ah yeah Sergeant D is the headliner and while its always hot to have a great opening act the headliner is why we showed up but your post indicates that you know that so the actually question was why? I know when I am at the top of mount Vesuvius and about to get my Ricola moan on my body contracts and I need something …cough..there to grip while those waves of passion role in…. if not its like scratching the middle of your back you know what im saying? you can scratch around it but you cant quite reach the spot that’s actually itching…..
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Peyso Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:35 am
i think this is a great analogy
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N.I.A. fabuloussince1982.... Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:38 am
bravo shay-D. definitely a good analogy. when you have a deep itch, even the most amazing liguistic skills will not be able to scratch it….
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The consensus is that most women like em both. Is there any specific order that you womens prefer? I like to give a jawn the D, then the lickety splickety and then the D again? Does that work?
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Nah you gotta get the juices flowing first!
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N.I.A. fabuloussince1982.... Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:14 am
that works Peyso, but giving face, D, face, and then finishing with D is better.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:24 am
that works Peyso, but giving face, D, face, and then finishing with D is better.
Wow. I guess giving some women an O is like punching in the cheat code for a video game or doing a finishing move on Mortal Kombat.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:29 am
DING DING DING!!!
Female orgasm is very complex similar to a labyrinth
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Peyso Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:31 am
and ya say men are complicated?
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olivya23 Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:38 am
exactly…or Street Fighter (whichever you prefer)
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:41 am
I’ve mastered the Street Figher Ultra Combos…just like I’ve mastered…well, you can prolly tell from this post.
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Rox Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Hahahaaaaa! I can’t stop laughing. My mom is sitting next to me, asking me “what r u laughing at?”
As funny as it is tho, that’s what I’m talkin bout fab since ’82! fabulous fabulous contribution… now y’all know the drilllll
(creative renditions &/or extensions of this finishing code encouraged & appreciated)
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Yeah Whatev Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I’m just ever so slightly annoyed that I can not relate to this post or these comments. With the exception of the Street Fighter/Mortal Kombat references cause I love me some video games!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Is this because you still have your v-card and therefore can’t make a choice between 1 or the other?
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Reina Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Seconded.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Mix it up. You won’t lose.
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Ms. Cherry (formerly known as ife1love) Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:01 am
That works, but I agree with the rest of the ladies. A little lickin goes a long way. It’s like preheating the oven. You can turn it to 500 and put the steak right in there, but it’s better to get it hot first.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Purveyor of Gerth Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
I preheat @ 500. Cook at a 1000.
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Say what? Reading that was like trying to read the hidden tablets of the Mormon Religion. LOL I couldn’t figure out what the pumpingtons, the squigglies, the wigglies, or which whatchamacallit does what.
All I know is while I prefer the D to the face (pause…you know what i mean) oh and (because believe it or not, some of y’all DON’T know how to do it), I’m with Sowhatiff. I shouldn’t have to choose between the two. It’s a package deal. One does not go without the other.
This is not Friday. There will be no peanut butter but no jelly, ham no burger, kool-aid no sugar. It’s all or nothing playboy. LOL
While I’m slick enough to manipulate the situation to make sure I get mine (over and over again), that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work for it. So count me in as one who likes it all!
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Wooow!! Great post! I too am one of those rare women that can “get mine” from both, so I’m not too choosy about which form it ‘comes’ in!
I guess it depends on my mood as to which I prefer at any given time, but I usually enjoy both equally.
Sad for those that don’t enjoy “Sir Squiggly Wiggly…”
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LOL…
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Let me also say that a man who’s oral game is tight, better have good head gear, a strong grasp, and the ability to strap up in a second’s notice.
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I must be missing something, because the D is just not that impressive. I like it mostly because I can get on top and wacth his eyes roll back. But a dude that can’t or won’t kiss the lotus flower effectively is cut automatically.
And B&TT, girl, you are endangering your 40 day thing reading and responding to this post.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Shhh Just a Thought! lollllllll
I think it’s because of my 40-day+ hold I’m responding to this post and sitting on the edge of my chair…dayum so sad!!
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Hit me up for my address. Google maps will give you the quickest route.
Once you arrive, the trip will really begin.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:11 am
O M G!!!!
Just a Thought, girl, what did u start!!!????
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Peyso Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Aint no fun unless the homies…..
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Just A Thought Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Sorry boo boo, but random dingaling, no matter how lauded, gets no play.
And Peyso, seriously dude. Don’t you already have an e-boo?
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Insanity.
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I’m going to pose a question:
Which is more tolerable: lame face game or lame stroke game?
And don’t say “Neither”…lol
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:13 am
STROKE!
Hitting the bottom- vurrry important!!!
I need to get back to work…my damn inbox is so fulll
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:16 am
“I need to get back to work…my damn inbox is so fulll”
PAUUUSEEEE!
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Smh. How did I miss that?
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:24 am
lmao!!!
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:28 am
But the game is lame, so he’s not hitting the bottom. Same answer?
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:32 am
OH!! I meant to say that a lame face game is more tolerable..sorry, gutter mindset today-distracted…stroke stroke stroke and did i forget to mention stroke?
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RightCoastLexSteele, The Purveyor of Gerth Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Hitting bottom is cool, but them side walls need love too. Gerth is where it’s at.
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Ms. Cherry (formerly known as ife1love) Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Stroke… if he can at least keep it up, I can work it out.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Agreed.
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N.I.A. fabuloussince1982.... Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:48 am
i agree with this sentiment
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JG* Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Case closed. Agreed.
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MaPockets Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Lame stroke game!! The more pressure I have on top of me the harder it is for me be an a-hole and just push you off…
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Lame stroke. I can always get on top and ride that thang.
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Reina Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Lame stroke. I just need him to get it erect; I can handle it from there.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Excuse my bluntness Ms. Reina – But from the looks of it, I doubt any man would have a problem standing at attention in your presence.
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Reina Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Well, thank you. It’s the STAYING at attention that presents the problem occasionally.
Btw, judging by this post, you should be having no problems getting females to handle your saluting soldier.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Yeah there’s a lot in the boot camp, but it’s tough finding a Private with the potential to be a Lieutenant.
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N.I.A. fabuloussince1982.... Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:51 am
definitely stroke…i can just hop on top and take that joy stick for a ride….
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Anger Management Reply:
May 21st, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I’d have to say lame d, lame face makes me frustrated and want to pull out Mr. Timmy
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Personally I want it all, the appetizer, the salad bar, the main course, and if you’re a good cook, I’ll put on a little show for dessert
If I had to make a choice though I’d go with the Vitamin D… it does a body good.
I have two types of Os… clitoral stimulation will get you an o, that good deep penetration will get you an O and both at the same time… OooOOOooOOOh MY GOD!!!!
It’s kinda like the difference between high tide and a flood.
Okay, I’m done, LOL!
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Peyso Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Y the change in name?
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Ms. Cherry (formerly known as ife1love) Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:24 am
At the advice of some friends I started new blog that focuses on sex and sex advice. I write the blog as Cherry V., so I changed the name for consistency and to avoid an identity crisis lol.
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Peyso Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I thought this was your freakier side. I guess I was right
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HIGH-LARRY-US!
I will eventually get fired for reading this Blog… I am laughing WAY too much to be pretending that I am actually working…
***
I have a strong preference for my guy to Nibble at the Chipmunk before he Bastes the Technicolor Turkey. I’m a lot more likely to Hot Glue the Rocks that way. However, if he sucks at Biting the Tabby, I can do without it, preferring that he just pulls out the Wax Squid.
Either way, the Little Wookie Wins.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:26 am
LMAO @ all your various terms. We need to start a Thesaurus for all these joints.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:33 am
*fumbles through her bookshelf*
Yep, thought I owned this…
*Ms. Cherry proudly presents a book*
The Big Book of Filth
Maybe we should write the editors and make some suggestions for the next edition?
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Sounds like a great idea. Holla at us Ms. Cherry. The Three Ways Crew says all types of grimy terms on the daily. I’m sure we could come up with a few entries.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:27 am
LOL. that was great.
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N.I.A. fabuloussince1982.... Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:59 am
LOL @ the Technicolor Turkey
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Wow! This is not what I was expecting this morning or need to read about when my guy is not here… actually he’s up there in Boston for a conference.
I myself enjoy some tongue action just as much as the D. I’m the lucky B that orgasms from both, but more so from the D…. my baby knows how to work it.
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Of course I prefer both, but the ultimate choice would always be the piping. Cuz when hes doing his thing eating it, all I can think about is him going deep. The tongue cant go that far, but if there is someone that can, please let me know! My total pleasure comes from feeling that thick pipe pounding my insides, and the deep feeling that its in my tummy.
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I just want everyone to know that this is not helping my plight to keep it right, keep it tight. Thanks.
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Peyso Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Anytime that I can tempt you to dark side, I will def take advantage
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Chocolate Vixen Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Best of luck, I wish I could be like you! I’m too weak of a person to give it up.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Purveyor of Gerth Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Tiff. Come up off the box meng. You only live once.
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lol. at the “O” face. i need to watch that movie again.
i’ve been with a couple of women who absolutely hated face time but on the other hand they loved slobbing the knob. i mean i’m not mad at them
well at the time i was. some guys genuinely like giving face time just as much as women like to receive. when receiving face a person is in fact giving up power. i guess some women are not comfortable enough or ready to give up that much power.Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Dude,
I think you made an excellent point. I forgot about the power struggle within all this.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Balderdash @ those women!
Tunde I absolutely agree with you..good point!!
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N.I.A. fabuloussince1982.... Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
ok…what kinda woman hates face? I believe in equal opportunity oral…good oral for all!!.
I agree with you about the power thing…face puts us in a very vulnerable state. it works both ways…over the years, i’ve realized the power that my lips, tongue, and throat can have over men….
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Tunde Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
you would be surprised. shocked the hell out of me.
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miss jess Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
“I believe in equal opportunity oral…good oral for all!!.”
cosign
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So. For me, there are certain circumstances under which I prefer one over the other. Of course face is better…what woman prefers D over face? HOWEVER…I’d rather the EDG dude just give me the pumps because I find the tongue tactics to be much more intimate. I don’t know if I want just anyone lickin all up in my pocketbook. It’s a completely different scenario in this case, because most dudes would just take the Woppington behind door #1. But if we’re talking a high level of emotional comfort and intimacy from the hubbykins, I’d prefer the Wet Wonder. If we’re talking your good old temporary satisfaction from the JO, I’m trying to see a Lord Pumpington, in full attire, cape and all. I’d really rather a non-intimate booty call give me the pumperstine, and the loveofmylife-boopiece give me the liloandstich.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Amen, MaPockets! Amen!
Let me first say, from a satisfaction standpoint, I prefer facington over pumpington. I have never climaxed from the intake of Vitamin D, but it does increase the blood flow and provide for quite the stimulating, enjoyable experience.
HOWEVER (tap ya neighbor and say “however”), I’ll argue that it depends on with WHOM I’m engaging in such activities. I do NOT want a booty call/JO/slide off/only with the lights off type dude touching my special place with his salivus meningus. I will not submit myself, orgasmically, to someone with whom I share no intimacy; I’d rather be pleasured by my boo-piece.
In one scenario (EDG), it’s more about temporary satisfaction and all out convenience. The other (hubbykins) is more about comfort and intimacy. I’m okay with his being in full control of my pleasure. The EDG? Not.so.much.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Sooo Ms. Pockets and Nyela,
So by avoiding vulnerability you’re willing to avoid an orgasm in the interest of saving face (power) by not getting face? Confusing? I hope so cuz I know I’m confused.lol
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MaPockets Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
My inbox is drowned…in electronic…massages.
MESSAGES! MESSAGES! I meant messages.
And I have a 10 o’clock…til then…
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JG* Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Well I try to keep all intimate actions with someone I’m well… intimate with so I don’t worry about having to divide out the jobs BUT!
I love D…. I’m able to reach the mountain top off D alone. Over and over again. I pray for every woman to experience this. LOL
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Fair enough. But the point of the EDG is purely pleasure. getting your rocks off is pinnacle of pleasure. The face game is more likely to get you to that pinnacle. If your purpose is pleasure, why does the D*ck need to go in your box?
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I agree MaPockets..I think another reason why females like myself have had such poor experiences with receiving oral is because there was a lack of intimacy. If there is no intimacy the level of communication will be significantly lower. I believe that without intimacy you basically have sex for self gratification and not to necessarily please the woman your face is burried into.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Yayyy B&TT!
@Slim – B&TT just said it as best as I can. I’m not sacrificing pleasure (I still have a very pleasurable experience from receiving the pumpington). You’re missing the point: It’s not just about vulnerability. Having an EDG is purely selfish. I’m not tryna please him, and he aint tryna please me. We’re both, selfishly, in it for ourselves. While face would, ideally, be most pleasurable, the level of intimacy involved in his delving of the tongue into my special place is a little too much for me—honestly, it wouldn’t be as satisfying. There’s a mental component, too. I’m not even gonna go there right now, though.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
“I’m not tryna please him, and he aint tryna please me.”
So in essence, you’re masterbating together?lol.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
LMAO.
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JG* Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Right so help me for a second. If you aren’t trying to please him and he isn’t trying to please you… are you in essence wasting time? For me sex is a total experience. Part of my pleasure comes from pleasing him and likewise if we’re pumpin and bumpin together then it should be the same for him. Not to mention, a man who isn’t trying to please me is not handling the business. I’m trying to climb walls and praise Jesus in a totally unsaintly way. A dude who is just in and outing me is not doing that. Additionally, that just plain out sucks. If he aint in it to win it, I got plenty of toys without the weird moments afterwards that can get the job done. I’m just trying to understand?
I’m just not a time waster and I love sex too much for it to suck…or be empty. I’d roll over and be sad afterwards.lol.
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Tunde Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
what type of edg situations are y’all in? i’m sorry no matter who i have sex with, i’m in it for myself and you. i don’t understand the point of just being in it for yourself. that leads to no repeat performances in my book.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Maybe i can help?
self gratification= jackhammer action all throughout..”I dont give a *uck if you cam cuz i did, ha!”
intimacy, selflessness= jackhammer mixed in with a side of crevice filling(cant just go in and out gottta get them sides), I can take my time slow it down because I know and feel that you are about to come …even though I’m ready I’m a make sure you get there first…finding different paths through the Labyrinth vs. climbing the hedges and running to the finish line…you get there either way, but with the labyrinth there is a greater sense of accomplishment.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
(B&TT is with me all the way. I love it.)
Okay so maybe I could’ve worded that differently. I’m not trying to have the “total experience” with an EDG. If you tryna put in all that effort for meaningless booty, more power to you. I’m tryna get mine and get out. When I say I’m not tryna please him, I’m saying it is not my duty to ensure his satisfaction. He better try to make it work the best he can, while I’m ensuring I’m getting what I need. (Plus, I feel like a dude is gone nut regardless.) Am I trying to give him the best ride of his life? Hell nah. Am I trying to fulfill a temporary need of my own so that I can get through winter without the chills? Hell yes. I could care less whether my EDG
nutsis sittin there with a smiley face or not.Reply
Nyela Goodness Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Also, an EDG will NEVER get the wops!
That is all.
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JG* Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Ahhhh ok. I got ya. I mean whatever stirs the coffee pot. That’s why I sought to understand. I just never had an EDG so I was slow on the uptake. LOL I can’t do meaningless booty. I gotta get it in right each time. hehe
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RightCoastLexSteele, Purveyor of Gerth Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
“self gratification= jackhammer action all throughout..”I dont give a *uck if you cam cuz i did, ha!”
Actually…once again, I’m kinda extraordinary, but my form is self-gratification is actually having you orgasm over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. The more you scream “JESUS LAWD WHATTA CROSSES EEENNN YA DIS EVENIN PON MI SOUL!” the more gratified I am. You stroke my ego and he strokes right back.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Where have u been? I’m angry that you’re late….
You have a duty to allspice the blog everyday…do u “hear” me???
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JG* Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
You damn island men.
*adjusts self in chair*
*time for me to move back home to my island.*
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JamaicanBeauty Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Died @ “Jesus Lawd whatta crosses…” I totally pictured mi granny right der suh…
lawd jah, lol.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Purveyor of Gerth Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
It was worth the wait wasnt it…
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
whateva! I also been noticing that you not advertising your resume anymore…whats up with that?
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I laughed thru this entire thing. Yall are ri-goddamn-diculous. *dead* at “Heads Whoppington”
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I got this thing I do w/ a blowpop while bobbing for coochie apples that usually scratches that itch in the middle of your back that was referenced earlier. Not saying I substitute it for my sledgehammer, but this is like watching Jay, Nas and Pun open for Biggie and Pac. Trust.
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JG* Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Wait.. am I being to literal or slow or something? U stick a blowpop in someone’s honey pot? Sugar in the already sweet spot is never a good idea. LOL
You ever notice that the day after this act she is ghost? Antibiotics can work quickly to get rid of the coochie flu.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
“Antibiotics can work quickly to get rid of the coochie flu.”
HIGH-LARIOUS. LMAO
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Ok. Hold up. Stop. I’m reading all this nonsense about the tongue cant hit the spot. Two points of order:
1. Uh…someone correct me if I’m wrong, but a females g-spot is not too far in and up. Close enough for a tongue to reach…the G-spot.
2. What the hell do you mean he can’t hit your spot with his tongue. For Christ’s sake, some lady just pushed 8 friggin rugrats out her box. You telling bamas can’t manage to get a tongue or finger or the combo of both and make this shit rock? Friggin wankers…
Everyone should have a RightCoastLexSteele in their life.
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N.I.A. fabuloussince1982.... Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
yeah, tongue and fingers are friggin’ awesome…but they cannot compare to the feeling of being completely filled by a nice, thick, long piece. So, I applaud your very obvious oral talents (blowpop…?), but it you are truly the purveyor of girth, when you finish stuffing your face, you need to lay that pipe….
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RightCoastLexSteele, Purveyor of Gerth Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
I am. When the flood is over, the earthquake begins.
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@ B&TT:
I got you when I get back to the office.
@JG:
Actually, the day after shorty is usually chasin me down the block like a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck. The lollipop is for me actually…I eat it while I cockily sit there watching her purr from the first 3 or 4 oral O’s I deliver. My arrogance is such a turn on for her that she cums on herself again. Then it’s time for my sledgehammer, powered by yam, green fig, guinness and kallalo.
Yes, I am the 8th wonder of the world.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
I wasn’t asking?
I was just sayin’?! lollllllll
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Chocolate Vixen Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
yummy to the trini!
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JG* Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Ummm…. well…..
What?
uhhhh…
Wow.
Throw in dark rum & ginger beer and I’m f’in out!
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JamaicanBeauty Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
[swoons] Oh missa Steele… mi love you yuh see. you ah di man fi me!
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RightCoastLexSteele, Woke up and kept drinking Reply:
April 17th, 2009 at 6:57 am
Ms. Beauty,
“Mi woulda wuk yuh even if yuh cripple/yuh coulda blind, yuh coulda deaf and full ah handicap to/mi luv di ‘oman inside ah yuuuh”
JG,
Not a ginger beer fan…what about some Wray and Nephew and some sorrell?
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First let me say – this post has to be one of the most creative to date.
Now, to the topic at hand:
1. Face is better than Vitamin D all day everyday. – for those ladies who don’t agree, go get a rabbit then let me know where u stand.
2.Bad Vitamin D is worse than bad face…at least w/ bad face u have the vitamin D to look forward to as a redeemer but if the face is bad, it ruins the rest of the experience…. its kind of like going to a restaurant and getting a dirty glass…it turns you off but you are still willing to try the meal. But let your dinner have hair in it, you will call management, complain, and never come back for another meal, even with a free comp card.
3. Lastly, in my honest opinion, if face isn’t/doesn’t/cant get you to the finish line completely satisfied with nothing else…. you haven’t had the greatness yet. In that situation, I contend the issue is not the face, but rather the person giving the face…
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Oh I own a rabbit, actually I own two (the original and the trevor) and end of the day… the rabbit can do a lot but it can’t talk dirty in my ear, smack me on the ass or tell me how good it feels.
And don’t get me started about men w/ good Vitamin D that also like to play w/ toys
EVEN BETTER!!!
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Satya Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
I have to contest #1. A rabbit can only do so much. Again there’s nothing like the scent of a man plowinng my earth. Nothing like touching, pulling, squeezing etc… said man. I need that flesh to flesh contact during sex.
I need to inhale his manly scent, taste his kiss, and feel his body against mine. A rabbit can’t do any of those.
Don’t get me wrong oral is good. And like sowhatiff said why choose i’ll take both. But there is nothing like the D
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for reason, when i first commented (and didn’t read any of the other posts) i was on some Crown Royal (Jill Scott) tip… after going through most of this, i’m on the “Inna di Car Back” (Mavado) tip lol.
either way, i’m feeling antsy…
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SLIM…I gotta say I love it! I have an oral fixation…I am a very oral lover…I teach oral technique…
I LOVE MOUTHS!
but if your mouth is unforntunate and you could stand to slather some crisco across your entire mandible you will get NO LOVE! not FRONT, not BACK, not SIDE TO SIDE!
that being typed, I must say…as much as I enjoy “feeding the hungry”…(and I DO)…there is nothing that turns me on more than straddling my tripod of choice, facing him with my knees up, watching him react to me as I roll and twirl into his lap…ummm…of course you compare it to the joy I get from giving up that Bluetooth HEADset (handsfree head)…
but I digress…
I don’t think a woman (or man for that matter) should be forced to choose…but for the sake of contributing to the topic at hand…I will admit…some OUTSTANDING MOUTH DANCING definitely gives the meat puppet a run for its money!
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
April 16th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
“Bluetooth HEADset (handsfree head)”
LMAO!!!! Oh, for that jewel you get a hearty laugh and a hi-five!
I’m glad there are other women here who like giving as well as receiving. If it wasn’t for you and B&TT, I might start feeling some kinda way about myself.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
April 17th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I was beginning to regret coming out like that 4 about a millisecond..but I am comfortable with my sexuality and If you coming on this site IT IS A NECESSITY THAT YOU BRING YOUR INNA FREAK WITH YOU ..ya heard!!!!???? ALL OR NOTHING ALL OR NOTHING HAPPY FRIDAY Y’ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
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RightCoastLexSteele, Woke up and kept drinking Reply:
April 17th, 2009 at 6:48 am
Handsfree is only cool if you’re deep-throating. Go on and put ya hands on it girl…cup the kids and stroke the king.
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So, I’m enjoying a beautiful day in the park with Nia when I realize I haven’t had my Three Ways fix. Well looka here, looka here…lol
Remember that “itch” I was talking about not so long ago? Mmm-hmm – that one
. Well a tongue, even the most skilled one, still can’t scratch that itch. For me head and tail is not an “either…or” thing. It only becomes a choice when one of them (the head or the tail) is WAY better than the other. If that’s the case, you’re probably not going to be around too long anyway. I need a thorough, experienced, evolved, unselfish lover ’cause that’s what I’m bringing to the bedroom.
Physiologically, that cooch, unlike that pump, has an inside AND an outside. Take care of both well and you will be highly rated and requested.
For whatever reason, it has been my experience that that “good joog”, as Lil’ Boosie would say, can really satisfy. However, that good head might still leave you feverishly craving that wang.
I’m multiply orgasmic and I always have a ball *PAUSE* but after all the lickin, lappin, shiverin, and shakin’ is over I’m still expectin that Magic stick.
Selfish? Make that “Ms. Selfish”, if you’re nasty…
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How did I ever miss this post???
“I’m not a fan of getting Woppington McSucklesworth from someone who’s mouth looks like jagged rocks that would shipwreck my piece.”
**DEAD**
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 6:37 am
Yeah, you ODed with missing this one.lol. A classic.
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I will make a few quick/short statements:
-Loved the post
-I love both “face” and “pumpington”
-I would take face *sings Janet Jackson* anytime…anyplace…
-If I get mine during face, it just makes me crave “pumpington”….immensely.
-my dilemma- what if I’ve got a man who “doesn’t do that” (face) :’( nooooooo
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