Forgive and Forget?
The Americans have lots of sayings, one which goes something like “Patience is a virtue”. Rumor has that there are other virtues out there that people should strive for that will make them…virtuous. Among one of these virtuous qualities is forgiveness. To forgive someone is viewed as one of the most selfless and self sacrificial acts one person can make towards another. One of the things many people predicate their spirituality on is their ability to forgive their fellow man for their trespasses. The Bible says that you should forgive someone 70 x 7 times for one act. Like really Jesus….490 times? This dude killed my pops, son!
Some people can forgive easily and move on from things quickly. Then there are other folks out there that hold grudges like a second string O lineman trying to stop Dwight Freeney. Some things are just hard to let go. You can always forgive a certain things, but you’ll definitely make a mental note ::: Junebug never bothered to pay me back. It’s cool…I’ll never lend him money again::: which makes the forget part of the equation even harder to deal with. And how ’bout we stop lending someone named Junebug substantial amounts of currency.
I’ve been wrestling with the “How to Forgive” question for a hot minute now. I was even given a book by a former co-worker who thought it might help me figure out, ’cause I have a couple major beefs. First, when I was about 15 a fellow student tried to take my life on some Columbine ish. Not exactly the best way to start the spring semester of your HS sophomore year. According to the assholes I chill with my friends, I have a bit of an anger issue, (which would not flare up if they didn’t piss me off) so needless to say I was pretty hot under the collar for a few years afterwards. Still rather salty about it today. But on the flip side, I survived the ordeal, graduated from the same high school with honors, and have been stuntin’ clean ever since. Having been thru that type of adversity at an early age gave me some of the testicular fortitude to do much of what I have been able to accomplish thus far. So maybe I should let it go right?
My second major beef is with the lowdown bloodcleet rat bastard summamab*tch that puts his hands on one of my loved ones. If Laila Ali starts swinging on you, I’d let it slide if you slid her one good time (if you can!). But if you’re losing an argument with a female and you decide out of ignorance to black her eye or knock out her teeth, I have absolutely no respect for you. (Looking at you, CB.) In addition to laying hands to her, he’s done all kinds of random badminded ish to her, he’s moved in with other women, turned her kids against her, called her everything under the sun, and so on. But it’s one of those deals where she keeps forgiving him and going back to him. Me, on the other hand would love nothing better than to strike down upon this motherf*cker with great wrath and terrible fury. The legal department has actually advised me not to exactly state how I would exact my wrath. But it would not be nice. A few months ago, I went to a family gathering and they were there together putting up the happy couple front. I was so tight I had to excuse myself from the house, then was punked “spoken to” by Mom dukes and the relative in question, so I could calm down, cuz apparently I have anger issues, or as we say around the way “get vex quick”. And while I’m standing there ready to explode patiently listening, it hit me…she’s forgiving him, why am I pissed? So maybe I should let it go right?
Needless to say, I still haven’t figured it out. Since I’m still alive, I should be thankful that I’m still alive and fully functioning. But on the other hand, I still have a bullet in my chest that I always have to explain when I take X-rays and scars that are horrible blemishes on what is otherwise the body of an Adonis. (Cocky, I know.) And maybe if the person that has actually been the victim of domestic violence can look past it, I should to. But I’m still human damn it. So what do y’all think, is forgiving and forgetting always doable, or was Jesus sippin’ on that wine he just made out of water? Like really dude…490 times?
Still Mad Dwayne Wayne Ran Up in Whitley’s Wedding,
The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, …….why the f*ck me and Seattle don’t have fancy signatures…?
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i used to have serious anger management and forgiveness issues as a child and teenager. it didn’t help that i have a great memory so it makes it harder for me to forget things.
these issues affected me in such a way that i used to always walk around with a chip on my shoulder. when i had an issue with someone it would effect me to the point where i would lose sleep.
this all changed my sophmore year of college. i made a new years resolution to not let things bother me so much and to forgive and forget. i’ve been a better person since that day and to my knowledge it’s been the only resolution that i’ve kept.
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I think forgiveness is very doable. It’s usually the forgetting/moving on part that trips up people. And, a lot of people think forgiving mean you have to take that person back, or continue to let that person be a part of your life, and that’s when the problems start. You should forgive people who have hurt you, but JC does not expect, and I don’t believe He wants us to keep dealing with people who hurt us.
I use to have a hard time forgiving and moving on. Honestly, it is still a struggle some times, and I have to read a word, and remind myself that dwelling on past situations blocks my present blessings.
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Renee Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I agree on peoeple thinking forgiveness means you have to take them back in your life, I once had an ex (who had done some beyond typical grimeyness) tell me that I “Pretend to be so Godly and God says to forgive” I had to school him real quick and let him know that my forgiveness of his actions were between me and god. He’s the only one that can bring me through. Also sometimes people who can’t deal with who they really are need you to forgive them and accept them as apart of your life to validate their actions, or to make it easier for them to live with themself.
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Forgiving and forgetting is always doable but it’s hardly ever easy….
In your first situation, my only suggestion would be to focus on the fact that you are alive and well NOW. It’s a blessing that you made it through that for other kids lost their lives in similar situations. There’s more for you to do here on earth.
As far your relative’s mate – there’s nothing you can do but let it go. I can understand your anger for his actions but since your relative has forgiven him, it’ll do you better to just let it be.
I think I have an anger problem. My anger problem is why I try to stay on the sunnier side because one I get mad, I’m ready to hit something. I will also forgive an action but I won’t forget it. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
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N.I.A. is so vain, she probably thinks this song is about her.... Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 8:10 am
I will also forgive an action but I won’t forget it. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
I agree. Instead of “forgive and forget”, it should be called “forgive and keep it moving.”
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 9:59 am
That is the truth.
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Forgiveness is about freedom, freedom of self from being tied up with bitterness etc….
Forgetting to me, means not throwing things up in folks faces after you have supposedly forgiven them, not necessarily something being wiped from the memory..the LORD said be wise too now, get understanding etc and not to be a fool……
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From swallowing to forgiveness. I love it.
**steps onto therapist soapbox**
Forgiveness is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. It took lots of time, and going over all the reasons I had to be angry in my head, and contemplating why the person didn’t “deserve” to be forgiven. When I finally found the (whatever it takes to forgive someone), I felt lighter. And I was able to focus on me.
But forgiveness is not really about the other person. Lots of times people hold on to stuff because it feels like you are in some way punishing the person who wronged you. The only problem is that you are the one feeling all heavy with anger and having ulcers and ish behind whatever you haven’t forgiven him/her for.
The other thing is that sometimes, we hold on to things that we haven’t forgiven ourselves for. We mask it behind the reason we are beefing with the other person, because its easier that way. Not always, but sometimes.
**steps away from soapbox**
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, This is my Money Dance Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 9:18 am
I have a broad range of talent, what can I say?
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 10:00 am
“But forgiveness is not really about the other person”
This is true.. I think when you don’t forgive, you block your own blessings.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Amen.
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So LEX,
was the kid just after killing his fellow classmates? Or was he looking to kill YOU? And whatever happened to him?
I have dead friends that I will never forgive those who took their lives. I wish nothing but the worst things in the world to these people… killing people over a basketball game…JEEZ!
But smaller issues, I try to let go. I had a friend mess with an “off limits” girl of mine. He has been a good friend, constantly had the same problem. At first I thought I would drop him, than I realized he did more damage to himself than he did me. I don’t know if I would call it forgiveness as much as I would call it adjusting what you consider a foul.
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, This is my Money Dance Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Despite my lovability, son was trying to kill me. And as we speak he’s probably somewhere frolicking on a beach riding a horse or something. He was released in ’05. Fun, huh?
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 10:01 am
WOW. That is horrifying. And I am interesting in reading more of your story.
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Ya’ll remember that show “Forgive or Forget?” Quality mid-90s programming, right there.
Anyway, forgiveness is a skill of the strong (or some such — per the popular quote). I think it’s much easier to hold grudges than it is to let it go and that’s why people do it. We’re all guilty of it. I try to remind myself that at some point that person moves on with their life and I’m left still angry and bitter for no reason and that is not a good look. I hold myself back in that place while the other person is living their life
like it’s golden.I do think there’s a noted difference between choosing to hold on to the memory and learning your lesson. You lent Junebug $20 and he didn’t pay you back. Learn your lesson, don’t loan him money, but you can forgive him and drop the issue.
N.I.A. is right, too. Some people think that when they seek forgiveness that means they’re absolved of all they did and everything goes back to the way it was. Sometimes that’s doable, but sometimes it’s not and you have to be ready for that; the other person shouldn’t feel pressure to take them back, either.
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I suck at forgiveness and forgetting…which is probably why I’m reluctant to trust.
Back to the e-beach.
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I think I always wanted to be the grudge-holding type, but I’m actually the over-forgiving type.
I read something in a book once that changed my life. It said that forgiveness is not a feeling, its a choice. Its not something we do once and its over and gone. Its a choice we have to make on a daily basis. Every day, I wake up and forgive the loved one who abused me, or the man who hurt me, or the woman who broke my friend’s heart. Whatever it is, we have to make a daily effort to forgive them, over and over again. 70 x 7 and then some.
And even if they betray us again, we forgive again because we have been forgiven, fallen short, forgiven again, fall off, forgiven again and again. God’s grace is free. Not because of what we do or who we are but because of who He is. So we should ATTEMPT to be gracious to others not for what they do or don’t do, but because of who we are and want to be.
After all, once you let all that stuff go, you’ll realize the only person anger and resentment hurts is you. And it cripples you until you forgive. That doesn’t mean to allow that person back into your life, but it does mean you should move on and love them, even if from a safe distance.
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Renee Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Your over forgiving like me. It really does make life a lot easier to not walk around with a heavy heart. I didn’t really think of it as a choice though, I feel sometime forgiveness can be so elusive, even if I really want to forgive someone, I mean its not really as easy as saying “I forgive”.
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This is something that i have an issue with. It takes a lot for me to express myself in any situation, whether i am sad or angry. It’s hard. I tend to keep stuff bottled up and i know it’s bad because usually i end up EXPLODING, which is no bueno. There’s a lot of stuff i am holding onto from my past but i am just not ready to let that ish go…and i know it is probably doing me more harm than good but i.just.can’t.
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I find it pretty easy to forgive but I shall not forget EVER!!!!!! When i was young one, I used to hold everything in and then turn red like a cherry and explode with all this anger and tears and violence and destruction but then one day I woke up and it was gone.
Forgetting just sets you up to get punked again.
And to you Lex, I’m glad you let go of the grudge that you had against your in law(is that what he is to you?) If she can forgive him, you should too.
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I’m actually a big pushover, in most cases I will forgive people a few times for the same mistakes, especially if I consider them friends, that in combination with the fact that I’m probably too self centered to make someone elses negativity the center of my world. But in those cases where my buttons are pushed my take on forgiveness is usually to Forgive, Forget and remove. In the past I’ve had to deal with Friends who betray and I know I’ve forgiven them because I still wish them well and may even checkup on them through the grapevines. I try to forget best I can, but to me that goes hand in hand with removing them from my life in most cases. No need reliving the same drama every 3 months, that wouldn’t be good for either party.
My latest challenge is a Manager on my largest client. She was new to my firm and this client was her first assignment. I worked myself into the ground and took on most of the major responsibilities on the job, but in the end she tried to screw me over by writing me a really bad performance review, it was so bad that my Senior Manager and Partner on the job had to step in and defend me to HR. I think she gave me a bad review as a result of her receiving a weak performance review herself. In this case I know I have not forgiven this woman because I know for a fact it could have gotten me fired. Now I’m scheduled to work with her again this year. It’s so hard to find the forgiveness because I strongly dislike her and don’t respect her at all. I keep fighting with how to deal with it, like should I fake it til I make it (pretend its all forgiven while hoping I will) or let her know from the jump that our relationship is strictly professional and that I got my eyes on her. I really don’t see myself forgiving her unless she apologizes but either way my life will probably suck for the month and a half I will have to be on that out of town job with her.
Girly Sidenote: Mariah Carey’s “I Wish You Well” is a great song on the subject “No weapon formed against me shall prosper, Surly God is my salvation, I will trust him and not be afraid.
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“The motivation for me is them telling me what I could not be..oh well.” — So Ambitious
I’m more likely to forget than forgive. I love a grudge. I feed off of it like a young Michael Jordan. “Can you hear my sneakers?” But really, I’m under the impression that forgiveness is earned. I’m under no inclination to forgive someone just because. Why deny myself an earned emotion? Anger gets a bad rap. Its uncontrolled anger thats the problem, as far as I’m concerned.
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A wiseman once said, ‘forgive but never forget’. I don’t know who that wiseman is but I’m sure he kept a list of individuals that did him dirty.
We are all human and forgiving definitely takes time especially depending on the type of individual. I’ll be the first to admit to holding grudges if they are justifiable. But I think time is also a main factor in the whole forgiveness process.
Heavy Prayers for Yankee Universe,
-BBW
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“Then there are other folks out there that hold grudges like a second string O lineman trying to stop Dwight Freeney.”
Dang, did my momma tell you about me?
I just got over being pissed at people from elementary school. I’m still mad at those losers from sixth grade that made my time there a nightmare. I forgive my ex-high school bff for her triflin ways, but yes I still remember that ish. Don’t even get me started on my ex roommates who I all cussed out before one last time. I disowned my 15-year-old ex-cousin cuz she’s a nasty trollip. The list of grudges could go on and on and on.
Needless to say, forgiving and forgetting is doable, it’s just hard. I think Jesus was telling us to forgive and forget not so much for the other person, but for ourselves. Honestly, carrying beef from the playground is not healthy. At the end of the day, whoever made you mad probably doesn’t even care. You’re still holding on to things and they’re living your life. My daddy always tells me “How can God forgive you, if you can’t forgive your brother?” Because God is loving and merciful. I am not. But one day I’m going to get to the point of truely being able to forgive folk despite their wicked ways.
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I forgive but I NEVER forget. All the things they say about scorpios when it comes to this shit are 100% true! lol. It may take a while, but I can forgive. I do have the right to never forget it and never trust that person the same way again. Forgiveness is a virtue, and so is my pride and peace of mind
Excellent RC!
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I used to have problems with forgiving people. I would see them at family functions or around and the incident they would replay in my mind until I could no longer enjoy my activities.
I realized that I’m going home mad at the world and they are still enjoying themselves without a thought about how they did me wrong. I learned that forgiveness allowed me to be a better person because I wasn’t holding on to anger and bitterness. It really wasn’t healthy in the least bit.
That doesn’t mean that I forget the incident. I look at as a lesson learned and that I wiser to avoid situations that would me put in the same place.
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Like Reese and Joey I’m pretty much known as a push over. I’m always turning the other cheek at some BS someone has done. Everybody knows I’m the worst at staying mad at someone. I have being angry. When I’m angry I cry and I hate crying in front of people. People see tears and assume weakness when often I’m crying cause I’m doing my best not to just explode and break everything in sight.
I’ve been able to forgive everyone who’s ever wronged me… with one exception.
The one night of my life that I truly regret I was out w/ my home girl and we went to a friend’s house thinking there was gonna be a party there. That night I got way too drunk… this dude offered me a drink and my girl was like “oh yeah, she can hold hers” and encouraged me to drink. Like a scene out of some bad after school special I sat there and downed a glass of dark rum at like 3am and the night took a terrible turn from there.
I ended up getting taken advantage of by dude. Where was my friend you might ask? She was off getting some D. She left me… what happened to me wasn’t her fault, but she should have had my back, she should have given a f*ck about where I was but she was so wrapped up in her own ish that she left me out there…
I’ve managed to forgive her for not considering my safety. Her excuse was that she thought I walked home… AT LIKE 4AM?!?! IN THE DARK?!?!? BY MYSELF?!?!? AS FAR AS WE WERE FROM MY ROOM!??! AND YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS OK!?!? deep breath… But like I said… I’ve managed to forgive her. I’ll never forget and I can’t be her friend, but I forgive her.
Now him… him I can’t forgive. I’ve tried… I can’t. I just don’t have it in me. I’ve asked God how to, I’ve asked therapist, I’ve asked myself a million times but I just can’t get past it. I’m left questioning why? Why was that okay to do? Why would you do that?!?!? I think he’s a disgusting excuse for a man. Maybe if he wasn’t so smug about it. Maybe if every time I saw him on campus after that, he didn’t go out of his way to speak to me and make me uncomfortable. Maybe if I when I saw him in the club 2 years ago I didn’t get immediately nauseous.
Maybe one day I’ll get over all the issues I have as a result of that incident and then I’ll be able to forgive, but at present I just can’t. Jesus help me, but I’m just still to angry.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
o man.
Ish just got real.
um. Listen. Cherry. I’m sure you are aware I’m a jerkoff and a lowlife. And I don’t know if it makes you feel better (I hope it doesn’t make you feel worse), on behalf on all jerks I would just like to say sorry.
You have some serious ballz to share that story. I’ve known a few girls that ‘claimed’ they were taken advantage of. But one never went into detail about the incident and put me into their shoes. Its great that you have found peace…
but no charges? No confrontations? No fear that he might strike another girl again? Not trying to pry (you have shared enough).
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Sharing is actually quite liberating. I’ve had some insecurities surface recently that are a direct result of that incident and kinda had a fall apart moment w/ a friend that caught us both off guard. It made me realize that not talking about is making it more of an issue.
There were charges but it was my word against his and in that state if you are over 18 (I was 19) and drink willingly your consent counts. He also smooth talked the detective and told him it was just a misunderstanding and that he felt really bad about the situation. I really wish the detective never told me that, it makes me hate him more…
The university charged him with endangerment and giving alcohol to a minor. He was put on probation and had to do some community service.
There were a few confrontations. He used to come up and talk to me casually infront of mixed company. It was his way of trying to get me to wyle out so that he could then call me crazy to everyone once I left, but I never gave him the satisfaction. I would actually go to parties I knew he would be at just to prove that he had no power over me.
He grabbed my ass at a party once and
went and sat angry in a corner for an hour trying not to explodeI tried to shake it off, but my roomie flipped and tried to fight him. It got ugly and he came and got in my face calling me a liar and my girls swooped in like the secret service and carried me off through the back door, threw me in the car, and drove off. More recently when I saw him randomly in the club. When my besty saw my face turn green and I explained what was wrong, she literally broke out in a sprint in stilettos and was headed to eff him up, but one our friends caught her before he even saw her or me and we quickly exited the club.Yeah, I fear the whole “strike again” thing. As I looked back I remember dude trying to liquor up my home girl at a party earlier that year, but me being a good friend, I separated them and took the drink from her.
I told my girls what happened, we have several mutual male friends and so I’m sure they’d probably watch him a little more closely.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
You called the cops on him and he still groped you at a party! What a vulture. How is he going to claim ‘misunderstanding’ now?
Even a pig like me can’t defend THIS dude.
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ASmith Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
I’m really sorry that happened to you Ms. Cherry…
A similar situation happened to a friend of mine and she never told any of us (I had left the party as she and 2 other friends got there, and when they left she felt safe staying with ol’ boy who raped her…). After the fact, this dude kept coming around us and we’re thinking he just wants to kick it with us… I can only imagine how she felt (after we found out, we never really discussed that part — that is how she felt when he would be around us all the time) and now with what you say, I think I have a better grasp on what it must’ve been like.
I really do think some things are unforgiveable. Well, without serious work and intervention from God that is. I think what makes acts like these that much worse is that you can’t get away from it, it’s hard to let go, even with therapy, until you can forgive the person and when they’re a jerk about it like this asswipe… you can’t ever forgive them.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
First off, I’d just like to thank you for disclosing so much about your own experience. I’m sorry that it happened to you, but it shows a lot of courage to talk about it with us. I, and I’m sure others, feel honored that you’re able to speak about it with us.
Now, I’m astonished that you were able to forgive your friend for leaving you out there like that. Shows a lot of courage and inner peace to be able to do that. I’m happy for you because I’m sure that it has pulled a huge burden off your back.
As far as the guy goes, it’ll come in due time. I don’t have respect for dudes like that and I have a slight grasp on why you feel the same way. I’m sure you’ll move past it someday, but I’m sure it’s a lot to deal with so don’t feel any need to push past it before you are ready.
Good luck to you Ms. Cherry and much love.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Again as I said to Cheekz this sharing is quite a liberating feeling. I hadn’t planned on sharing so much but a couple lines in it was just what was on my heart at the moment. I appreciate all the e-love. It means more than y’all know.
Yeah, I’m pretty impressed or really dumbfounded by the foolishness I forgave my former friend for (alliteration unintended). You don’t know the HALF… after this particular incident there was almost a fist fight amongst my girls because everyone jumped on her like “where the eff where you?!”… maybe that’s why I forgave her. I felt bad cause I knew she didn’t do it on purpose, she just wasn’t thinking, and we all make mistakes.
The problem comes when we make those same mistakes repeatedly. That’s when you get cut back.
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she's a maN.I.A.c, maN.I.A.c on the floor. And she's dancing like she never danced before. Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
what’s crazy is most of these guys who take advantage of intoxicated girls don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. It’s horrible, and it’s hard to forgive such a thing period, but especially when there is no remorse from the offending party.
Thanks for sharing Ms. Cherry….
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CHeeKZ Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
“most of these guys who take advantage of intoxicated girls don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.”
**lost for words**
chill
We are just trying to be here for our e-homegirl. That is a broad statement and I think is kinda unfair following Cherry’s unfortunate story. It would turn into a great post, BUT GUY HAS THE GUTS TO WRITE IT.
sorry to the offended.
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she's a maN.I.A.c, maN.I.A.c on the floor. And she's dancing like she never danced before. Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
why are you offended? I was referring to a certain man specifically…guys who have taken advantage of women in the same manner as what happened to Ms. Cherry. I have female & MALE friends who have gone thru similar things. I have gone thru similar things. you shouldn’t be offended if you don’t you fit the bill….
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CHeeKZ knows he needs Jesus, but plz don't point the finger at the bad guy Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
“you shouldn’t be offended if you don’t you fit the bill….”
I fit the bill. Let me explain …
In Cherry’s story she says she didn’t say no and she was drinking than the guy went in. I have done that. I pray there are other details in Cherry’s story that don’t fit my situations but I can’t be the only guy on this damn internet that has slept with a intoxicated girl (though no one will have my back).
The ONLY difference in our stories from what I can see, is that when I woke up the nxt day all the girls I was with said “thank you” or “I needed that” or “do I really have to walk home at 6AM?” Other than the post trist reaction, its hard for me understand why I am so lucky to not have a cop car infront of my house. You have to teach me NIA (well teach the boys, I’m married).
I have had this happen to my male freinds too, ruined relationships… I really am not trying to be a jerk. Once again, I’m sorry.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
There probably are some differences….
There might not have been as big of an age gap (I was a freshman, he was a grad student). Also there’s a difference between a drunken hook up and encouraging someone to drink for the purposes of getting them drunk enough to sleep with you. Also we had a kinda serious discussion about my life, my family, adjusting to college, my lack of sexual experience and my desire to keep things that way. At the time I didn’t believe in sex w/o love. I’m sure he didn’t think I fell in love within the hour. But by the end of conversation I was having trouble putting sentences together. In hindsight I think he was talking to me just to gauge how intoxicated I was.
I’ve gone out, drank and had great sex afterwards, but the difference is the approach and the atmosphere.
In the morning the guy my friend was with came to find me to tell me he was walking us home. After they dropped me off, he told my friend that something just didn’t seem right and she should probably talk to me.
I think it has to do with the type of person you are. Either you have morals or you don’t. Every dude is looking for an in, but when you’re being grimey you know you’re being grimey.
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N.I.A. is so vain, she probably thinks this song is about her.... Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
co-sign all of this, Ms. Cherry.
I think it has to do with the type of person you are. Either you have morals or you don’t. Every dude is looking for an in, but when you’re being grimey you know you’re being grimey.
^^^^And that is the TRUTH!! Period. Point. Blank.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
“most of these guys who take advantage of intoxicated girls don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.”
So true…
I blamed myself repeatedly for what happened to me. I chose to drink, I didn’t say no. I would NEVER have done that sober. I wouldn’t even have done that tipsy. I was not at all attracted to dude. I actually didn’t like him and clearly my initial instincts where right.
The men I’ve confided in about this incident have had varying reactions, my boys, the nuccas I grew up with, they cried. Mutual friends have questioned me on it a few times, which hurt. They make the point that since my girl was there hoeing, it makes me guilty by association; maybe we were both there just trying to get it in, but maybe I felt guilty afterwards, so now I’m just lying to not look like a hoe.
It took a year for a man to finally say that it wasn’t my fault. One of my boys told me “I don’t care if you were naked, swinging from the lamp shades, he knew you were drunk and didn’t have to f*ck you.” It was blunt statement but he was absolutely right.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Looking back on my college…and even post college years, I can say I know of more situations like this than I could count on 2 hands. I’d hate to be on either side of a situation like this, but I don’t think I’d even let one of the homies go in on someone that appeared to be OD drunk. That’s just asking for trouble. But with some people, you really can’t tell what’s good. This is a reminder to me how lucky I am to have never gotten caught out there. Thanks for sharing and ish.
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