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The Fox Behind the Bush
Watch out fellas...she's waitin' for ya.
Last week Seattle talked about the persistence and reaction of women folk when it comes to the pursuit of the sausage. Nobody likes rejection. It’s an ego and confidence killer. That’s been established. Even more interesting are those who will deal with the rejection or lack of initial interest then wait for the right time to pounce on a dude and finally achieve that ever elusive relationship/thronx they’ve been waiting for. I’m not sure if I call this a skill or a characteristic trait. Maybe it’s both. Regardless, I’ve termed a woman who’ll wait it out for a dude or devise an intricate plan to lock him up as the fox behind the bush. Yes, a man can be that lonely lamb or small defenseless animal in the prairie nibbling harmlessly on some box grass while the predator lays naked in hiding waiting for the perfect moment to seize its meal.
I acknowledge that women are quite cunning and strategic in their actions. It’s admirable and dangerous. Whether it’s using sex as a tool to reel him in or playing the friend role with the sole intention of bagging him when the time is right, women often have the ability to catch an unsuspecting or evasive man and wrap him up in latex, polyeurathane, or lambskin. The immediate argument at this point is that it takes 2 to tango and if he succumbs to her or her thang that he’s doin’ what he wanted to do in the first place. Maybe that’s the case. But as quickly as one can create a strategy to inflict damage or harm to his ego, one can create a plot to end up with the man she desires. And no, this doesn’t work all the time. That’s evident in all the seductive movies out there that turn into dramatic stalker or infidelity stories.
But Slim, what about the sh*t that men do to women to get some of our gushy?
Oh, do you mean like when males are seniors in college and they lay in waiting for the freshman/fresh meat while the upperclasswomen retain water because of their saltiness? Yeah, that’s a good example. Another would be when a dude finds out a chick is a virgin and then he makes it his personal mission to smash in some time frame. Actually, now that I think about it, men are always constructing a scheme to get the draws. Then again, many women like to be chased. Even with all of this considered, there still remains a big difference between our pursuit of happiness and that of a woman.
We’ll say and do a lot to get the draws, which really is a short term conquest even if it takes a while. Some women will go to even greater lengths to get the long term relationship. Yall know that the odds are in your favor should you want a particular guy to put his piece in. That’s simple stuff. But what really amazes me is how a woman/chick/girl can be initially rejected by a dude (even if it’s subtle) or sense his lack of interest, then consciously make a decision to wait him out. This can go on for months, or it can go on for years. The women I’ve seen do this would make excellent FBI undercover agents. It’s scary. It really is.
I know that the ratios are tilted toward men when it comes to selection, but why do women put themselves through this process? A dude says “you’re the type I’d marry, but not right now” or “I’m not looking for a girl right now” and she’ll believe it and always be a phone call or text message away until he decides the time is right; or, she’ll passively lobby for her cause despite everything else he’s doing with every other woman in hopes of the perfect opportunity to lock him up. What say the Three Ways to Take It’ers ? Do you know people who’ve done this? Have you been this woman? For the fellas, have you ever been the victim of The Fox? Have you watched one of your boys get got? Let’s hash it out!
Sleeping with one eye open,
48 Responses to “The Fox Behind the Bush”
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That picture is full of win. As far as the fox is concerned, at least when it comes to me, I can’t be mad. I’ve got nothing but respect for a woman that knows what she wants and is determined to get it. If I was a woman, I’d want me too. It’s her job to get what she wants, and my job to get what I want.
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I’ve been this woman more times than I care to admit. LOL… Sure, I felt like a victim, then…. but when I think back, I should have used a little more common sense… and all the fools used the same thing, “if you do this, it won’t change the way I see you.” LMAO.. WRONG.
Women put themselves through the process because they are keeping hope alive… hoping one day we can s3x or s*ck you into love or a relationship.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
“Women put themselves through the process because they are keeping hope alive… hoping one day we can s3x or s*ck you into love or a relationship”
Simple, sad, and very true.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Oh yes.. all three. I’ve learned my lesson.. sadly some chicks DON’T or do when it’s too late.
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I would say, Slim, that it is important we distinguish between a woman who uses sex as her primary lure and the ‘seductive’ woman. Both women are attempting to maximize their success in mate choice– of course, but there are big differences.
The woman who lays in waiting, smelling like desperation ( i kid, but really men can sense it), ready and willing to use her body for leverage can only gain a temporary victory-rather a Phyrric victory, one that comes at a great cost.
Now, there are some women, a rare breed, who have cultivated seductive personalities and are capable of enthralling a man with their entire being, their complexity, their autonomy–. They’ve figured out ways to heighten their appeal physically and mentally. They’ve mastered how to enter someone’s mood and ‘fascinate’ rather than simply attract.
I think the aim of this second woman is actually self-actualization, seduction being the bi-product of that. I think the women that has to plot, and mold her identity according to the ideals of her target is only denying herself and setting herself up to get played.
Now both of these women may set their sights on a specific man, or specific type of man, but the seductive woman’s aims are far more intelligent, sophisticated, dignified, and dare I say it– successful.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Is that rare breed that you speak of related to the unicorn?
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Ayesha Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Only in the sense that she may be the woman of your dreams.
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Lil'T Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Slim, this woman BIRTHED the unicorn. Right before she took to the sky like a bird and flew away.
Sorry – my experience with women who are experts on men and seduction has not been that great. Usually it’s because they’re so good at the seduction part they never bothered to learn how to be in a functional relationship. I got a 36 yr. old cuz who holds a PhD in attracting men, but gets an “F” in relationships. But she looks at me crazy because my idea of eye contact across the room looks more like a facial tic. She may be right – but it’s effective, dangit.
Plus, when you know that you have no “hunting” skills you have no motivation to get behind that bush in the first place. If I get the nerve to say something and get rejected, it’s a wrap, son!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
lol @ birthing the unicorn then leaving it at an orphanage door step.
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MaPockets Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
“Now, there are some women, a rare breed, who have cultivated seductive personalities and are capable of enthralling a man with their entire being, their complexity, their autonomy–. They’ve figured out ways to heighten their appeal physically and mentally. They’ve mastered how to enter someone’s mood and ‘fascinate’ rather than simply attract.”
I just LOVED this quote.
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niasmomma Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Me too.
A huge part of being a self-actualized woman romantically/socially IS your ability to seduce, ‘fascinate’, a man – to capture his attention, earn his trust, and keep his attention on your needs and desires. You first decide he’s worth your energy. Then you capture his attention and then enchant him with your being. Sometimes the enchantment fades.
Some women just don’t know when to quit, when to recognize the signs that “he’s just not that into you.” I can’t tell you that I’ve lain in wait, but I have wished things were different. You can’t help but like who you like, want who you want. I understand attraction and desire. Desperation, however, is a no-no.
I think there is a sub-population within the fox species that lies in wait because they genuinely feel like they know what’s/who’s best for you (her) and you don’t right now. As someone else said, we’ve been taught that real love is worth waiting and fighting for. So, they subtly advertise themselves, they agree to “just be friends” and let you know they’ll always be there, they watch new booty come and go in your life, all in an effort to be closer to you and to prove to you what fabulous women they are. It actually says a great deal about what she thinks about you, whether or not you deserve any of it (often, I don’t think you do). There’s a wide fox spectrum, Slim.
I can’t lie in wait for a man to make up his mind about me. I believe by a certain age most adults know what they do and do not want. Unfortunately, everyone isn’t mature enough to express those thoughts and feelings. Waiting on a grown man/woman to “figure out”, “have time to think”, “have some space” and decide if they want you is ridiculous, ’cause they already know the answer. If they can’t muster up the courage to tell you, sadly, chances are the answer is “not really”.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Wow. Now THAT was some goodness. Best comment of the day.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
*enthusiastic hand clap that suddenly subsides every time my boss looks over at me*
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Lil'T Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
” huge part of being a self-actualized woman romantically/socially IS your ability to seduce, ‘fascinate’, a man…”
Now see – I hate to be the wet blanket, but this sounds like the dreaded “representative” to me.
I don’t want to “enchant” anyone. Isn’t that what those harpies did? Not that I care about the sailors, but I know the harpies were lonely on that dang rock. Matter a fact, I’d bet that of the 3 of them, 2 were ready to let men on the rock for some luvin’ and the third was too busy “enchanting” to stop killing them, lol.
I don’t want to “cultivate” a personality – I’m the same azzhole I’ve been since pampers (who am I kiddin’? It was Luvs) were a wardrobe staple. Either you’re fascinated by my azzholery or not.
Maybe the problem I have with the idea of “cultivating” an “enchanting” personality is that it sounds like a lot of work. Once you’ve created your personality you need someone to try it out on, just to make sure it works. And thus you begin to waste your time and the time of your SO by playing mad games from jump street.
@Nia’s Momma – you have some good points in here, lady. Specially about waiting in those bushes. Good read.
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Women put themselves through this process because we’re taught that love (when it’s right) is always worth fighting for. And that’s true. The problems arises when we’re thinking something is “right” for us that is actually wrong and end up in a “temporarily” miserable situation in hope of a payoff at the end. That’s where women FAIL. Because if it’s not making you happy right now, chances are it never will.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
And a lot of times, these women in the chase are caught up in the idea of love, but hasn’t actually been in love with the man yet (or he hasn’t loved her back the way she wants or deserves).
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I cant say that I dislike this whole concept. It worked out for me…
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Oh boy Slim do I have a story for you!…
There are definitely some men out there on some Trapper Keeper type ish. A very close friend of mine got GOT by a dude in quite dramatic fashion. To her credit he never got the gushy but he got her heart and damaged her trust.
She started dating dude when we were in high school and by college they were engaged. I’m not sure what his ultimate motive was but he lied about everything… his career (non-existent), his degree (non-existent), his athletic ability (no he wasn’t really an alternate for the US Olympic Baseball team), his charity work (no, he in fact wasn’t on the P. Diddy All-Star charity Baseball Team), his former relationships (no, he didn’t really date that back up dancer from the Missy video)…
The ring he gave her, FAKE. All the jewelry he’d lavished upon her over their 6yr relationship FAKE. The outrageous cellphone bills he racked up on their shared cell accounts, UNPAID.
Some people may say she was just gullible. I know I never trusted him, but he had a good game going. He had her convinced that his momma hated her cause she liked his ex-girlfriend (yes, the one from the Missy video) and all of his friends went along with the lie (there’s a special place in hell for all of them). They had known each other for years, so why wouldn’t she believe him?
Things fell apart when he made his best movie to catch the kitty. He told her he had blue balls so bad that it was going to require surgery. Yes, I laughed out loud when she confessed this. But, he had someone call her and pretend to be a doctor. He came to visit her before his “surgery” and then refused to go home because he was scared he might die on the operating table. Eventually her mom decided to call his mom and see what was going on with this surgery business. Both mom’s talked for several hour and cleared up all types of lies. When my girl and her fiance returned to her mom’s place after a nice dinner. He was greeted by her two large older brothers who lifted him through the car window, threw him and all his $hit in the back of a car and told my girl to get her ass in the house.
She later talked to his mom and she apologized for all the havoc her son had wrought. The whole situation left her devastated. She literally sent out a mass email saying the engagement was off and then left the country for almost a year…
I don’t know what dude’s ultimate goal was… if he was really planning on marrying her or if he was gonna be out soon as she gave up the goods. Either way he put a LOT of time and energy into his elaborate plan. He puts any fox out there to shame!
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ayesha Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Ummm, he was no cassanova, he was a hustler. What a horrible experience though.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
This story is reckless and would probably make for a great movie if it hasn’t already been done. That blue balls line is pure comedy in its truest form. She shouldn’t took him to a computer and made him go on webmd.com and prove it.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Smh. Just smh.
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niasmomma Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Chile, some folks are just unneccessary ass liars. To seek understanding of this behavior is like trying to catch fog and put it in your pocket. Would be interesting; won’t happen.
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RightCoastLexSteele, So Special-So Special-So Special Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
While I do not approve of the aforementioned b*tchassness, I must say I feel no remorse for this young lady. 6 years with no booty? I might get delusional and start making ish up too…
6 YEARS?
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Lil'T Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Does this scenario remind anyone else of an old episode of Fresh Prince, when he was trying to get into Tooty’s (or Regine’s, whatever) draws and to do this he proposed marriage and didn’t tell her about his plan til they were ready to consumate?
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I’ve been a fox possibly 5 to 6 times and worked successfully in the beginning with all. The first was a 4 yr relationship, the second 1 yr, and shorter and shorter. But these men took the bait, whether it was pretending that I needed tutoring, being a kind friend, or just taking advantage of his playful comments. But that was all a few years ago and lately I’m not as forward as I use to be. If a guy likes me and has the nuts to approach then I highly respect that and he has a good chance at seeing me more often. But most don’t and I’m not salty about that. I’m not the fox hiding behind the bush… I got things to do. lol
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I’m not the forward type, which is probably why I always come across as mysterious to a lot of guys. Which, hell, works in a lot of cases. It’s about those bedroom eyes…I love non-verbal seduction. That’s my foxy plan.
“A dude says “you’re the type I’d marry, but not right now” or “I’m not looking for a girl right now” and she’ll believe it and always be a phone call or text message away until he decides the time is right; or, she’ll passively lobby for her cause despite everything else he’s doing with every other woman in hopes of the perfect opportunity to lock him up.”
Yeah, if a dude says that to me, I keep it moving. I’m all about the present moment and if he’s not ready right now, then neither am I. If I care for him, sure I’ll be the optimistic and hope for the right time, but until that right time comes (that’s kinda pause-y…so, pause), he goes on the backburner. And it’s hot back there.
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I agree with Cheekie. If it’s not the right time for him, it’s clearly not for me, either. That’s not to say that I’d write him off completely, but I’m also not lying in wait behind a bush.
I think most would agree that men and women mature at different stages, so in a way, most women are ready/know what they want before a man does and, consequently, end up waiting to some extent (sometimes even while they’re in the midst of a relationship). I’d argue, though, that this wait is often subconscious (not always). Our lives don’t stop, but we subconsciously hold on to that bit of hope that one day he’ll come around. The good fox won’t wait forever, though. If, in the meantime, a nice, sexy, and READY wolf comes along…
(Of course, I realize there are some not-so-smart, not-so-good, triflin, and 20%-type fox’s out there who deviate from this…)
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MaPockets Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Nyela…that was some goodness. I agree with you. I think there is most often some subconscious (and maybe even purely unconscious) waiting. But a lot of the time, women don’t just wait during that period…at least not the smart ones. We also use that time to think about what we really want (because half the time we’re never quite sure); strategize and plan our next moves (based on what he does/doesn’t do, based on what’s cool/notsohot); and, meanwhile, we continue to explore our other alternatives (wolves, sheep dogs, lambs, weasels, and even the decoys). I think there is most always a waiting period – what counts is what you do while you wait. There are questions we must ask ourselves as women/foxes in waiting: are we planning the future wedding with Mr. I’m Not Ready? Are we going on random stakeouts to watch his every move? Are we breaking a sweat to mysteriously show up everywhere he goes? Or are we chillin, and just taking it one day at a time, thinking up a spectacular master plan that will work great for us, regardless of his final decision? To the girls out there taking on the shape of a fox, I feel sorry for you all. I really do. Like…why are you hiding in a bush? Chances are, HE CAN SEE YOU.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
MaPockets, get outta my head! That was everything I wanted to say but didn’t feel like typing. We should be friends…
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I’ve dealt with women like this in my past and present. Women don’t really take rejection well because they think that all men will willingly f*ck anything with two legs and a slit. So, if a man doesn’t take her up on her offer then something must be wrong with him (like it couldn’t possibly be her). Most times I think
its obviousyou can tell when a woman is “waiting in the bushes”. She will always give some sort of “tell sign”. You just have to know what to look for with that particular woman. Then again it may be easier to see from the outside looking in than it is if you are actuallythe victimin the situation (at least with me it is).Reply
Lil'T Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
“Women don’t really take rejection well because they think that all men will willingly f*ck anything with two legs and a slit.”
Yes, most of us think that. And most of us are right.
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randome question slim. are you the bruhz?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Do I throw hooks? Yes.
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Tunde Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
what’s your email address? or hit me up akinyeke@gmail.com
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RightCoastLexSteele, So Special-So Special-So Special Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Yes. Slim is the entire fraternity rolled into one.
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Luvvie Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
I just came out of lurking to say I literally almost spit out my juice from cackling at this. BWAHAHAA
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It’s the same thing whether you’re hunting for a mate or a new job: the more you want (need) it the less you get. You have a better chance acing the interview when you just take a “long lunch” from your regular gig than if you had all morning to prepare because you have no job. Same with men, if you’re bunned up every Tom, Dick, Harry, Woulda, Coulda and Shoulda pops out the woodwork to get some or lament what could have been.
Why?
Because desperation has an odor, even if no one can smell it. So if you’re in the bush, bring some of that cover up “deer fawn” scent to cover up the stench or else your well laid traps are for naught. lol!
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Hey er’ybody..*sigh* right now I’m a confused fox..something got in my eye..maybe a bug and I need to get the bug out my eye so that i can see my prey properly..CUZ IT LOOKS EDIBLE..SMELLS EDIBLE..BUT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE PREY..until then..I’ll be in the grass taking notes…GGGRRRRRRREAAAAAAAATTTTTTT POST
Mr.j!!!!!
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Yo, Slim!
Did you mean for the title of this post to be so pausable?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
You know…for the first time I didn’t even catch that.lol. Hopefully the fox shaves.
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Luvvie Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Landscaping is of utmost importance. You coulda called it “The Fox behind the Strip”. N’est pas?
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
OMG…even my gutter mind missed that lol…good catch Cheekie lollllllll
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Cheekie Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
BT&T, lol, I didn’t catch it at first either and then all of a sudden I was like, “OH!!”. Took me a while, but the gutter mind caught right back up to me.
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Women play the fox and “lay in wait” for a few reasons: to keep hope alive; hope that he will see her the way she sees him; because we just “know” that he actually wants us, but he is just playing hard to get; because she is insecure and doesn’t think or believe that she can find someone else; she likes the chase; or homeboy is sending the signals that she should wait for him to come around.
At the end of the day is a dangerous game if you get caught up. Take a nap, recharge from the hunt, and find a new deer.
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Aww man. Interesting Slim.
You know I’d like to believe that are several versions of “the fox”, but realistically, either you are hiding behind a bush or you aren’t. There’s no happy medium. If you find yourself behind a bush, chalk it up, cuz it’s a wrap. There’s a reason you had to retreat to a bush. Chris Rock once said that a female knows within 5 minutes of meeting a dude whether or not she’s gonna f*ck him. If that’s the case, men know immediately. Whether or not she let’s us rock is a different story. So if he’s processed all your information and you are still in the bush, consider yourself HIBACHI. Yea, I dont give a damn what he tells you or how he acts. You’re done. You got two choices: 1. Pick up your self respect and your binoculars and go home or 2. Make the foxhole comfortable for your timely thronxing.
I’ve been in this situation before. And like myself, most dudes that find themselves in this predicament are cocksmen, and there are rules to being a cocksman. And one of those rules is, always be aware of your surroundings. A good cocksman knows where the foxes hide. So while a fox thinks she has a good hiding spot, the wise cocksman has already dispatched a deer to bring her out of hiding. She gives up her position, next thing you know, I got a deer head in my den and one of them Daniel Boone type hats to keep my head warm as I travel on.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
LMAO. That’s it. Just literally laughing at my desk in my office while people walk by in envy of my happiness.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
February 18th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
For once I agree with u LOL
Ok note taking over….The bug’s out my eye…I’m going to groom my fur…
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