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Good Girls Like Bad Boys
A great woman loves a bad boy. . . .If you can make her safe, or make her laugh, or both, you good.
Before I heard T.I. say this in his interview with Jamie Foxx last week, I was having similar thoughts on my own. I was thinking about this seemingly endless debate about Black women and all of the things we “do” to keep ourselves single and overlook all the good black men out there. Specifically, I was thinking about the claim that so many Black women “date resumes” and over look the hardworking, blue collar man because he doesn’t make enough, or didn’t go to this school, or ::insert any number of reasons here::. I won’t deny that there are women (of all races) who do that; however, IMHO, that’s more of a that woman thing than it is a black women thing. I digress.
When I think about the men who I spent time getting to know, dated, or desired, the reasons things did or did not work out had very little or nothing to do with what their resumes looked like. It had nothing to do with how much he could do for me. I wasn’t preoccupied with how much money he made or the kind of car did he drove. Those things don’t really concern me. I have my own (financial aid) money; my bills get paid. I drive my own car.
It was about the way he made me feel.
I’m not gonna lie. There is something about a tatted up dude who rocks a fitted, some semi-baggy-but-never-skinny-jeans, and something fly on his feet on the daily that is sexy to me. Or even if he gets suited and booted, you can tell he’s kinda rough around the edges and has that thing about him (I refuse to use the word “swag”) that makes women go “Mmmm.” The kind of man who as been through some ish in his life, works hard, and makes me feel like no matter what, he would take care of me. If ish was to ever hit the fan be it emotionally or otherwise, he would be there for me. When we walk, he puts me on the inside of the sidewalk. When I raise my voice a little, he checks me with a look or a word. When we are out and something looks a little shady, he’ll make sure I’m protected. When we’re together, I feel at home.
I’m not saying that a man has to look a certain way to make a woman to feel this way. But when I think about the dudes I fell out of interest with, there were basic things were missing. True, Mr. Nice Guy was attentive and always checked up on me, which made me feel special. But otherwise, he felt timid. He was super gentle. And yeah that’s well and good in some instances, but it left something missing from the dynamic. There is a feeling I get from a certain type of man, even before something jumps off or I need him to step up to the plate, that tells that he will make sure I’m good. Without thinking twice. Sure a man can provide for me. In theory, anyone who earns a paycheck can. But if he doesn’t make me feel safe, I dunno…
I’m not saying I need a black knight in shining armor. I’m not saying I want a D-boy either. However as a “good girl” who can take care of my own day to day needs, I know I want a man who can go beyond that. The nice guys who finish last don’t finish last just because they are nice. They finish last because they are one-dimensional. You know how men want a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed? It’s pretty much like that.
I am only one woman. What do you think? Why do good girls like bad boys? What makes a “bad boy” attractive? Are you a good girl who wants a nice guy? Guys, do you consider yourselves nice guys or bad boys? What separates them? Do nice guys really finish last? Why? Speak on it.
I like to be roughed up a little,
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26 Responses to “Good Girls Like Bad Boys”
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Miss Jenkins I will have to say that you worded perfectly and explained it in a way that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to, great job!
Just like how you say, there is just this “thing” about bad boys that are so attractive. Its the fact I know that he can “handle” me in more than one ways and also have that heart to be a complete sweet heart and at a moments notice protect me of any harm…
Haha, I think that’s how Streetz and Dr Jay are, I may be wrong, but darn it, that’s where my imagination goes towards as lol…
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sanen85 Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 2:48 am
That’s how I imagine them to be as well (and they aren’t the only ones I imagine that way on this site or SBM).
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Lola Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 2:51 am
I’ll cosign on that… A lot of it has to do with how their persona comes thru, even if it is thru a post or a tweeter update, sometimes you can just tell a bit of their character and its alluring, at least for me it is…
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Rhianna Loves Golden Showers Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 3:34 pm
It’s alluring, but at the same time you know it’s going to end badly.
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Lola Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Sometimes… I still believe that they are diamonds in the rough… very rough lol
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You have me reminiscing over here with that description. I’ll have more to say on this in the A.M.
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“When we’re together, I feel at home.”
*applause from a fellow Good Girl*
This is exactly how I feel. It’s not even that he needs to be a bad boy b/c I like good guys, he needs to make me feel safe in his presence. There’s a certain strength in a man that has nothing to do with thuggery, money, or danger. Some have it, some don’t.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 6:27 am
There’s a certain strength in a man that has nothing to do with thuggery, money, or danger. Some have it, some don’t.
Ain’t that the truth!!?
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UppityBlackChic Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 1:36 pm
“There’s a certain strength in a man that has nothing to do with thuggery, money, or danger. Some have it, some don’t.”<— This is ALL that needs to be said. DONE!
Ohh and about that “suited and booted” reference. My knees buckle when I meet a handsome man in a good suit that also makes me go “Hmmm”. I swoon, smh.
Good post, Miss J!
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“Or even if he gets suited and booted, you can tell he’s kinda rough around the edges and has that thing about him (I refuse to use the word “swag”) that makes women go “Mmmm.” ”
This is my weakness. I love a guy who can wear a suit well but also exude that “mmmm” bad boy aura.
So, yeah, I’d like to say I like bad boys. Maybe with a hint of nice? lol
Then again, I’d like to think that “bad boys” is a wide range of aspects.
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you hit the nail on the head.. i’m aggressive by nature (i was raised a tomboy) so when i find a dude that takes all the aggression outta me with a look or a stare, then i’m DONE!!
i’ve been taking care of myself and my family for a h*ll of a long time.. and when the dude i’m with is willing to let me relax because he “got this” (and he REALLY does!) then he’ll get me runnin up tryin to husband him..
you can’t beat the “safe” feeling.. but “safe seems like a bad word..” nothing can beat the feeling of “it’s just you and me, in this stratosphere” and when i see an attractive man in a suit, they make me start to imagine them out of their suits..
one evening my ex and i were walking this really nice part of Ft. Lauderdale that quickly turned “not so nice” and offhandedly i said to him “i wish i had my pepper spray”.. he was MOST offended.. but now that i look at it, i realize that i didn’t believe he could protect me..
ain’t that something… introspection is a h*lluva thing…
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ita…it’s his self assurance, his leadership, his attitude, his demeanor, and so much more that make him appealing…the way he won’t put up with any nonsense, the way he makes you feel safe and loved and desired…mmmmm
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The nice guys who finish last don’t finish last just because they are nice. They finish last because they are one-dimensional. You know how men want a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed? It’s pretty much like that. THIS THIS THIS!
Dimension is key! I wouldn’t put a “look” to it persey (I think
necktattoos are gross and won’t get me to look twice; but a fine suit will pretty much do it everytime) but its definitely a feeling you get being around a “manly” man. There has to be something to cause an initial spark, but once you are passed that, and more of a dynamic personality is releaved, it makes everything more intriguing…Not sure how much this falls into the “badboy” criteria. I think for me, I like to play with “badboys” just for the sake of a mutual understanding that its just for play. I think it’s the fantasy; the rush you get from doing something you know you aren’t supposed to do; however, it’s a temporary escape from the norm. I couldn’t marry a “badboy” I guess those are stories for the grandkids lol :-/ i dunno…
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as a former nice guy i went through all the stages off being super nice then being super evil (trying to emulate what i thought a bad boy was) then finding the happy meadian and just realize that all i could be is a man and the rest would take care of itself. usually when nice guys are asking “why do girls like men who are bad boys” the better question is “why do women like men who are bad for them”. Which is what i see more prevalant than a woman liking a man who makes her feel safe.
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nyhoop Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 3:49 pm
usually when nice guys are asking “why do girls like men who are bad boys” the better question is “why do women like men who are bad for them”. Which is what i see more prevalant than a woman liking a man who makes her feel safe. Touché
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Orange Star Happy Hunting Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Cause its the old adage isn’t it, of people wanting what they can’t have.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
June 1st, 2010 at 9:56 pm
I may be able to work this into a post…stay tuned.
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i would say that i’m a nice guy. i really have no problem being nice to strangers, friends, s/o’s, etc. what i do have a problem with is when people take my kindness and niceness for weakness. i can have a mean streak so it would behoove people not to underestimate me or take advantage of me.
“The nice guys who finish last don’t finish last just because they are nice. They finish last because they are one-dimensional.”
this is the absolute truth. i’ve never finished last when it REALLY counted. there is a difference with being nice and being a door mat.
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A thorough ass dude is sexy, his presence alone is strong, and magnetic, he is charismatic “could charm the birds out the sky”, confident, clever, shy underneath smiles, dashing even and somewhat refined in a hood couture vein, never bougie, fake or otherwise..he is all these things and then some..not necessarily bad but came up a certain way, “hard” like Marvin sang LOL
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SPEAK!!! (eyes closed, head bowed, finger snap times two!) You just said something there miss jenkins!
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The man problem i see with nice guys and women is that they do not stand up for themselves and let the woman have whatever and do whatever she wants. Im sorry nice guys women do not want this and no matter what they say they want to be kept in check it is what it is.
On the same note womens main problem is that they get somebody that is obviously dogish playa etc what have you and have this false belief that he can be changed. a good example is this
Say me (The dondadda) is dating a woman who cheats on me, takes my car and rapes my bank account and then in my infininte wisdom decide that this is the woman i want to marry and have babies with. When everthing goes to crap (and it will) who is to blame for my unfortunate situation? Is it that all women aint ish or am i to blame for picking a bad apple and deciding that this is my new one and only.
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“The kind of man who as been through some ish in his life, works hard, and makes me feel like no matter what, he would take care of me. If ish was to ever hit the fan be it emotionally or otherwise, he would be there for me. When we walk, he puts me on the inside of the sidewalk. When I raise my voice a little, he checks me with a look or a word. When we are out and something looks a little shady, he’ll make sure I’m protected. When we’re together, I feel at home.”
Dang! You just described my boo! Can I use that? I give creds
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Badboylovin'goodgirl Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 12:30 am
I’m late but I was just referred to this blog today (though I found this particular post on my own). Anyway, I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to put why I (a good girl) LOVE bad boys. In doing so, I realized that my definition of ‘bad’ is different from society’s but for the most part, this post is exactly what I mean. The guy I’m into right now embodies this (he said so himself when I asked). He’s the exact opposite of myself (so much so that I’m being judged by friends for wanting him) but that is what draws me to him. He balances all my good girl ways. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. In him I’ve found my “bad boy” and in me he’s found his “lady in the streets,freak in the sheets”.
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I wouldn’t necessarily (excuse my spelling) say it was “bad boy” type. We just want to feel protected and know our man has our back emotionally and physically like you mentioned.
Thats why I get so upset about the “Independent women” phenomenon. Yes, I can pay my own bills etcetera but so what? Yes, I have multiples degrees but so what? That ish can’t hold me and make me feel safe at night. It can’t wipe my tears when I am crying or hug me when I am stressing. I have dated blue collar brothers, shoot most of the ones I have dated were blue collar or in that “transtition” stage (yall’ know the “transition stage- in between jobs, staying with mom, whatever else).
Even if you are in between jobs, I want to know you still got my back and even if you can’t help me financially you can still help me with other stuff. Be there when I need you emotionally. I don’t really think it is about a “bad boy” thing- it’s about being a “real man”
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I say that nice guys do finish last. I used to be nice and it got me shitted on repeatedly. I used to believe in all that fairy tale love bullshit, trying to do anything for chicks who didnt give a fuck about me (while they’re getting shitted on by someone who doesnt give a fuck about them). So I decided to join the party, I no longer give a fuck either. Things couldnt be better now. I get chose on a regular basis. I say and do whatever I want to these chicks and if they don’t like it. I cancel their ass and get another one. Honestly, I wish it didnt have to be like this. Unfortunately, I didnt write the rules to this game.
Like Uncle Snoop said, “it’s a dog eat dog world!”
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