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Hell Hath No Fury…
I was talking with one of my boys recently about his Baby Mama drama. I guess we’re on a roll this week with Double Standards. This one isn’t so much about sexy time as it is about the consequences of sexy time with the crazy and deranged who weren’t properly screened up front. It’s even more complex than Seattle’s post from yesterday. Anyway, he had relations with an older woman. He was wearing a functional piece of latex at the beginning. But when he looked down at the end of the romp, he was wearing a turtle neck. He thought everything was okie dokie hunky dorie, but a couple months later realized he had a serious issue on his hands.
The Grown Ass Woman was seeded up and decided not to head to Planned Parenthood. He had no intention of marrying her, and didn’t want to do so just because they produced a child. He was completely open to being involved and holding it down Grown Man style for his soon to be son, but that wasn’t enough. She was convinced that the seed would bring them closer and that she’d have him and his amazing Pumpington forever. Once she found out he’d be a good dad but not her Boo, things started to change. And like the title of this post, Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman (that feels) Scorned.
Within a couple months after the child’s birth, the court papers came in. At the beginning it was family court, since she wanted to take his son and move to a state in a different time zone. When that didn’t work, then came the criminal charges. First it was harassment charges and restraining orders filed on a whim, then it was phantom harassment and assault charges filed against his family members in a ploy to keep the child away from anybody close to him. 18 months of court room visits and lawyer fees because he told the Grown Ass Woman that he didn’t want to be with her. If he didn’t shave his head regularly, he’d have pulled all of his hair out. If he had the Black Man temper, he prolly woulda dragged her out of her apartment by hers. He’s been admirable in fighting the fight, but damn….
There are other men out there who have endured similar maliciousness. It could be those busted out windows, burnt up clothes, phantom restraining orders, reputation damaging rumors, and/or false criminal charges. These are the types of things that will lead a Good Dude to turn into the ultimate A$$hole/convicted criminal. That’s a sub-point to my greater point that the Legal System sucks for men. A man other than filthy rich type dudes will never have the advantage in a court room that a woman has. This isn’t being sexist. It’s just the truth.
The crazed and spiteful of the opposite sex (None of which read this blog of course) can manipulate the legal system to drag a brotha through some mess. She can file charge upon charge if she has the slightest bit of a good story, and the judges will err on the side of caution and force the male to prove himself. The beauty of the female slant of the Court System is that while the dude is in court month after month, she never has to show up because she is the presume victim. All she has to do is wait for a phone call from the DA’s office alerting her of what happened and asking her what she’d like them to do next. The DA and the judge are little more than pawns in her game of Misery. While he has to lawyer up, she doesn’t have to pay for anything except the popcorn as she kicks back and relaxes free of charge. It’s an awful and complex process. The irony of the matter that gets me is that it’s a system dominated by men yet caters to women when it comes to situations like this.
I’ve wondered is what is it in a woman’s head that allows her to go over the edge and subject someone to this type of treachery? We talked about this yesterday, but dragging someone through the legal system is wayyy worse. That can ruin someone’s life. I’m also curious what types of stuff folks have been through or know someone else has been through and how it impacted you/them? We’d really like to get the male and female perspective on this one. We know it’s a deep topic, but let’s get the flow goin.
Goin Deep,
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“I’ve wondered is what is it in a woman’s head that allows her to go over the edge and subject someone to this type of treachery?”
I’ve wondered what was in a man’s “victimized” head when he found the condom “TADA” hocus pocus…”missing” from his member. And then the “oh she got preggers” SURPRISE-tomfoolery.
the year of the black man victimization..
there should be some type of movement for men whose innocent unsuspecting wangs just falls in trectherous cooc$hies.
As always there is more to this one sided story ..and truth as it always has..lies somewhere in the middle of..err ahhh..like attracting like on basic levels.
give the party you gotta pay the band.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:19 am
C’mon now. Can it not simply be that a chick went off the deep end because she didn’t get what she wanted? And 2008 isn’t the year of Black Male Victimization. Otherwise we’d be complaining about how John McCain won the election right?lol. (right…)
Interesting perspective though.
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:11 am
Slim
i feel like im missing a serious side to the story. Women can be @zz holes..like i told you yesterday I am a woman i know the stupid shyt we do…
but..
we normally don’t do stupid shyt with good men.
i just find it hard to believe that the condom disappears and she becomes a nasty ghetto butt trollop…
can’t some of the trollopness be prescreened? guess not not when your “dyckmitizing” somebody. its all fair in pillowtops and se!x then..but when a baby comes the rules change.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:16 am
“a nasty ghetto butt trollop…”
I was calling a client when I read this and had to hang up the phone. My abs are on fire. I will concede that he probably let the bunz cloud his vision initially. I’d also venture to say that cuz he thought she was “more mature” that he let some stuff slide
between the wallsthat he normally wouldn’t. Kinda goes with what you mentioned on your site today.Reply
JG Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:15 pm
I usually like to read all the comments before saying anything, but I don’t have the time at the minute. I did want to say that sadly, a lot of women do dumb stuff with dumb men. A LOT! I’ve done it before and didn’t realize before it was too late.
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temps Reply:
December 6th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I agree. How much did they know of each other before screwing, was “knowing each other” even relevant ? Was this their first ep? How long have they been getting it on?
Was it a booty called masked in “relationship potential” because both parties are “good” (cars-degrees, lots of stuff-etc).
BTW I feel casual sex is now measured by qualities that use to be long term requirements, we sexing people based on what we think their long term status will be and when one finds out the other isnt “that serious” you get cases like this one.
As for condoms breaking…CHECK the DATES dog.
At 32 I have never heard of nor had anything close to a condom breaking or ripping…and of course a man in shame will say “it broke”. For all we know he could (and she agreed) to go in raw or do it strapped but “bust on me”. Maybe he lied and said “relationship” to hit it and she believed him…I just cant buy son had no clue of what kinda of woman he was sticking his johnson in…shoot now he betta man up.
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This post isn’t funny, but my situation was. I went in half and half on a game system with my ex because we were suppose to move in together. Things weren’t working out, so I broke up with him. I gave him about a days warning that I wanted my 1/2 of the money back, and went to his house the next day to collect it. He was so enraged and determine not to give me my money back, that he called the cops to make me leave. Mr Officer showed up 10 minutes later and we explain the situation. He told me that I had 2 options, buy the system back by paying him my 1/2 of the money, or if I wanted him to give me cash I would have to give “ex” a few days to be fair. I told the officer I would buy the game back for my 1/2 of the money. The system was at least $399, I told the officer I only had $140 but when he found out I had to pay tolls to get home, he told me to give my ex $120. So I took the game and sold it on Craigslist. It was messed up, but in this case I wasn’t playing with the law, he was and it backfired. So yea, most of the time the law is on our side but I would never put someone through some real mess, especially your child’s father.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:21 am
Thanks for the comment and not being willing to put a dude through some real mess. Your story is interesting. I didn’t know a cop could act as an arbitrator…
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so being that this is the case that men always get the short end, and that it is common knowledge that it works out this way… then why why *WHY* do men let this kind of shit happen to them in the first place? Stop messing with crazy women, or at least get the vasectomy already so they can’t “trap” you… if it turns out she’s that kind of crazy it’s a lot easier to bail if you didn’t knock her up in the first place
(I would say the same thing to a woman complaining that a man she barely knew that got her pregnant and magically disappeared– how did *you* let that happen to yourself?)
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:24 am
“Stop messing with crazy women, or at least get the vasectomy already so they can’t “trap” you…”
No knife is goin anywhere near my piece. I’m too young and fruitful for that in a non pro-creation sort of way. And as for “Stop messing with crazy women”, easier said than done.lol. Though some of us are attracted to those who are a little “out there”, I don’t think we want someone who’s gonna make our lives hell one way or another.
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JG Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Once again! LOL I posted on my blog.. men love crazy women. I’m telling you! Egos… powerful things they are.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:20 am
Sometimes you can’t tell a chick is crazy until it’s too late.
I mean there is no nice way to ask if you stalked your ex boyfriend or why all the folks at the Courthouse know you by your first name.
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Ainz Neal Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 am
I think we know what women we shouldn’t be dealing with but we do anyways. I’ve met a couple girls and i knew dam well they had some crazy tendencies. The power of the “P” can keep you off your game lol.
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Anita Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:22 pm
see, that’s what I thought, men can smell crazy the same way dogs can smell fear, they just choose to ignore it when they think they’re just going to tap it once or twice and then never see her again.
I mentioned the vasectomy because of this thing I saw on best-of-craigslist
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html
I don’t know if it’s really true but if it is then he’s my hero
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I once read an interesting argument in the book When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost: women have the right to choose whether or not they want to keep the baby in their womb after conception and it’s only fair that men should have that same right because they planted the seed. It’s only fair, ladies. Pro-choice is applicable to all people. I’m all about whatever fairness I can get, so I wouldn’t deny a man his fairness too.
I had a situation where a stable ‘more than a friend’ sexual partner and I got caught up and made an unwise choice. After we quickly ruled out the possibility of a health risk, I took EC as soon as I could. Because this is a public space of thought where I allow myself to keep it 100, I’ll admit that I’m not sure if I’d be able to fight the pull in my fist sized heart to abort a baby in my belly after seeing a sonogram. However, that is entirely unjust to another individual who isn’t ready to be the best father. Sometimes women are so quick to say, “He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his child! He’s a deadbeat dad!” but maybe the case is just, “I love my child; I always knew I wanted to be a great father, I just can’t be that right now.” When women understand this and stop holding on to so much resentment, I think it opens up the floodgates for liberating amounts of personal growth. Resentment is disappointing, it’s like letting someone live rent-free inside your head.
I’ve been in a domestic violence situation before, but I have to say that contrary to the stigma I am not traumatized or bitter, I got through it and seldom think about it. I have a quick tongue and he had quick hands, I was so broken when it happened. I found that going through the legalities made it hurt even more so I let it go. I deal with my issues through introspection and great girl friends. Tying him up in litigation would force me to constantly revisit the situation and revenge is for women who are looking for validation, that’s what my mama is for. As women we know that men are often physically stronger than us, but we trust that you’ll use that strength to protect us rather than harm us. I haven’t lost faith in men, that would be a foolish disservice to me, I’ve just taken a break to redefine my needs so I choose wisely the next time around. Some days I miss having someone to unconditionally care for, but I fill my life with books, suitor’s, weekend getaway’s, flowers, and art to find happiness in caring for myself for a change.
I think I’ll get off the ThreeWays shrink couch now, Dr. Jackson, opened up a couple wounds that I need to now sleep off.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:31 am
“When women understand this and stop holding on to so much resentment, I think it opens up the floodgates for liberating amounts of personal growth. Resentment is disappointing, it’s like letting someone live rent-free inside your head.”
This is one of the most profound statements I’ve read on the Internet. I think it applies to men as well. I’ve been resented and I’ve been the resenter (I know that’s not a word). I realized that my energy is better spent on other things that roasting someone on an open fire in my head.
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JG Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Whoooooaaaaa. This may have been the best post I’ve ever read. *slow clap* I can’t even add anything else to this.
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SmoothPhiNuPi Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Belle, your point of view about abortion is something i’ve always thought about but never came across a woman who understands. Men make mistakes too, but these baby mama’s punish us through keeping the kid and its not fair to anyone involved, even the kid. People use children as payback, what kind of ish is that? Seriously ladies, ya’ll crazy.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
December 4th, 2008 at 12:58 am
i totally agree with what you all have said so far.
it seems to me that women who go the extra mile to bring in the legal system are just trying to find a way to pay back the dude for breaking their heart…. and the woman is going to make him pay (literally and figuratively) until she finally gets over it. so sad that a child has to be born in that sort of situation…
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Wow…I can actually relate to this because my brother has a crazy baby mama. When a baby mama trips with the man, it affects not only the two parents, but the child and other people in the family, i.e., the aunt etc.
Due to my brother’s crazy baby mama, our side of the family has not been able to spend time with his child. Up until she got mad at my brother and/or got paranoid because she thought “we” were talking about her, we have been very instrumental in the child’s life.
But due to the fact that grown folks don’t have time to play childish games that some crazy babies mommies like to play, the child suffers. I miss my brother’s child but its the mom’s fault that we’re not a part of his child’s life anymore. The child is old enough to know that their mama got issues so at least we know they don’t think we abandoned them.
When babies mommies act crazy they don’t realize they could possibly be messing up their child’s life. The child is watching. One piece of advice I would give a baby mama: If a man has moved on, don’t take it out on the child–because although it seems like you’re making the man suffer; the child suffers more.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
December 4th, 2008 at 1:01 am
ur brother’s child… like your nephew… funny how you referred to him that way.
that’s crazy… sorry to hear that the baby mama has messed up that relationship. like i said, i feel sorry for the kids that are born into that situation.
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Well. I think that women sometimes push things over the edge cause they cannot have the man that they want.
That’s nuts. Just because there is a man out there that you love, need, want and desire doesn’t mean he has to back.
Grow up, accept that fact and keep it moving.
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On the flip side, dudes can do this too.
My cousin’s mom died about 3-4 years ago. My cousin was like 15 or 16 at the time. He has a little sister who was like 1 or 2 at the time and the two of them have different fathers. My cousin and his sister’s pops never really got along. Turns out that my cousin’s mom had a nice little life insurance policy and she named her two children as the beneficiaries. My cousin was 18 by the time the insurance was to be paid out, so he was made the custodian of the account. Basically, b/c he’s not willing to break his sister’s pops off with all of his sister’s money (my cousin wants to put it away for college and then send her some monthly), his sister’s pops wont let him see her.
I know this prolly doesnt make sense but I hope ya can follow
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Jac Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Wow…I hope he’s able to fight for custody of his little sister. This man is clearly just out for the cash. Def, needs to make sure the baby is not mistreated.
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SmoothPhiNuPi Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Dam son, I’m sorry your cousin had to go thru that.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
December 4th, 2008 at 1:03 am
wow thats effed up.
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man this is a hard topic… let me laugh at the funny shit first…
lmao@pumpington!!! wtf?!?!?
ok… down to tha bizness… unfortunately, i’ve seen both sides of this. i think that it’s awful when women do this type of shit to men, especially good men. it’s a damn shame especially when the first things out of our mouths are “n!ggas ain’t sh!t”. behind every a$$hole man was a big b!tch.
on the flip side, behind every b!tch is an a$$hole man. i disagree that the judicial system is rigged for women… case in point, my best friend procreated with this dude (that i told her she had NO bizness bangin but the “d was just sooo good” ugh) and when she told him she was pregnant, he said i’ll see you in x months in court (wtf?!?!?). so while he was out being the lying a$$hole he is, i was with her playing baby daddy (getting the pickles and ice cream and shit… ugh).
so when she tried to file for child support, etc, the court gave her the run around and STILL has been giving it to her. meanwhile, she’s barely making rent and shit!
it’s frustrating on both sides… either way, legal adults need to man/woman up and act our ages and not our shoe sizes… especially when dealing with children.
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temps Reply:
December 6th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Exactly my point here…today we use casual sex requirements for long term interest…I am not having a baby with a women cuz her head game is bonkers but women still getting pregnant JUST cause the d!ck is good so by all accounts I can be an illiterate with 3 felonies but the D is stupendous? Also most men are not that good. I swear dudes like this come off as the guys making up for all the years they got igged by he baddest chicks. But dammit a degree(optional) and a car later and they think women think “I’m the $hit”. So when she says “relationship” he not a player at all, lies to not rock the boat and he then telling me “the condom slipped/broke”. Not buying it.
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Kid you not, men act the same way… One of my associate’s baby father’s has custody of the child and this ninja is a straight biyotch. He keeps her in court trying to increase her child support and he keeps putting in motions. He calls her and curses her out, randomly and gets mad when she doesn’t get the child every time he calls (outside of her custodial requirement times!)
She said he wasn’t like this initially. He flipped into a demon after the baby was born b/c he didn’t want another child.
He got custody after she had a breakdown.. it was only suppposed to be temporary but the judge didn’t want to “disrupt the child’s routine.”
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 am
Ouch at this one. That’s some real bitchassedness. No doubt about it. I rarely here about dude’s pulling women into court for child support. That’s an interesting flip side.
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NickiSunshine Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
It was a first for me too!
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I agree with that…FYI (in New York State if a women makes more than you she can’t take you to court for child support.) You learn interesting things working for the system..lol
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:44 am
The morrreeee youuuuu knoowwwwww (NBC PSA)
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Tonja Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:40 pm
*Ding*
Had to put that there…
Seriously, though, WHAT? I mean, WHAT?! Who determines if the amount she makes is enough to take care of her child alone? Say she makes a little bit more than him, but the situation is that McDonalds cashiers make more than him, then that’s not really counting for much, ya know? She’d kinda need every penny she could take.
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“The irony of the matter that gets me is that it’s a system dominated by men yet caters to women when it comes to situations like this.”
And herein lies the conundrum. If this system — aka the society — is male dominated, then that means that this catering to women is male-produced. Is this something ya’ll secretly wanted? Or was it unconscious?
Because, think about it, if males gladly perceive themselves to be dominate, which, in turn, causes the society as a whole to perceive them as dominate, then why is the whole “women can hit men, but men can’t hit women” thing? Ya’ll want to call yourselves as the stronger species, then I’m not seeing why it’s surprising or even frustrating that women can be deemed the more fragile species when it comes to the law. Can’t have it both ways*.
*But, maybe you can have it three ways.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:45 am
We’ve got a witty one here!lol
Good Points though. Seriously.
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So I have a question for all of your fine grown men who post thoughtfully:
Why are the crazies the ones who are ALWAYS wifed?
When I was 18, a freshman, I had a friend who was 25 and in grad school. He told me that there’s a reason why all the crazy/bust the window’s out your car/obnoxious women are always wifed. He said that when guys are young that’s the only type of “love” they understand, the kind where a woman will get in her feelings and all perturbed because her heart is so vested. They don’t want a woman who is grown because all of that is too serious. When they reach, oh let’s say 24, 25, 26, they stop liking the crazy and look for grown, because crazy is no longer exciting to deal with. Is this true?
If so, I’ll finally have an answer to why I think I can’t vibe with most men younger than 25 on some long term ish…
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ainz Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:00 pm
That is true at a younger age we just want to have fun. So we play with fire sometimes when we shouldn’t. Now for those that wifed up the “crazy” chick, that dude just likes that type of girl. I have a friend that loves them that way. I guess he loves the drama that comes with it.
I know i have a GROWN and GREAT woman by my side right now. I also know that a part of me loves a fiesty woman that can keep me in check sometimes. I think that why maybe i entertained women that were more than a handfull at some points in my life.
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Southern Belle Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:12 pm
“I know i have a GROWN and GREAT woman by my side right now.”
Allow me to embrace my sensitive side for a moment, “aww Ainz…”
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:07 pm
The crazies are passionate people usually cuz they are so heavily invested. Seems great as long as you don’t anger them, but if you get on their bad side…ehhhhh.
I guess I used to be attracted to it in my younger hey day cuz I was intrigued. But there’s nothing like lookin a chick in the eyes, tellin her you don’t wanna be with her and she smiles back at you, laughs, and says “Stop bein silly. Yes you do.” *shivering as I relive one of the most tumultuous portions of my life*
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Southern Belle Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
“But there’s nothing like lookin a chick in the eyes, tellin her you don’t wanna be with her and she smiles back at you, laughs, and says ‘Stop bein silly. Yes you do.’ *shivering as I relive one of the most tumultuous portions of my life*
Cracked my first smile all morning, LMAO love it.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:14 pm
LMAO! I just spit out my ginger rale, and the movie, Thin Line Between Love & Hate, just played out in my mind. You wanna talk about crazy? Watch Lynn Whitfield in action. Do peeps remember that movie?
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Southern Belle Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Do I remember? I just watched it over Thanksgiving Break.
Ma: I know you didn’t touch her, baby, I raised you better than that. The Lord must’ve been watching out over your stupid ass.
Darnell: Hey, I cut her off. She was into some crazy shit, mama. She was wild – buck wild.
CLASSIC.
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Peyso b/c I get money in all currencies Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Crazy broads end up wifed up due to one of two reasons a) they found a dude that genuinely likes crazy jawns or b) dudes get with them when they are younger and then are afraid to break up with them.
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Southern Belle Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I been told you about them other girls, but you’re finally starting to learn e-baby.
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This is making me re live some funny moments in my life, great post Slim..
Southern Belle thanks for your moment also..lol
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Okay, all I have to say is working in Family Law my motto is: there are three sides to every story, her side, his side and the truth. I have seen countless cases on a daily basis where each party is calling the other party crazy. And usually from the outside looking in, both are crazy! As my boss tells me all the time “crazies marry crazies.” So maybe before a dude calls thier baby mama or chick crazy they should do a little self inventory….
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I’ve been trying to come up with a witty response to this comment for the last couple hours. I guess I agree with you.lol.
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ladebelle Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:48 pm
slim… the past couple hours and this is all you got? get ur life together man!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Sorry! Geez! My daily grind had me feelin like it was 1830 for a bit! Where’d everybody else go?
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
December 3rd, 2008 at 4:06 pm
WHOA! Slim agreed with me, (eventhough it took ya two hours to admit you agree) hell must be freezing over
LOL
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Yeah Whatev Reply:
December 6th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I totally agree from a psychological standpoint. Who you date is really a reflection of you, unless it’s a blind date. lol!
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Thank the lord I’ve never gone to the courts with any domestic disputes…but I’ve def been the child in the middle of it all and it sucks.
As a result, I have a distorted view of family and I long to have a family of my own one day so I can somehow correct the shit that I had to go through(??). when I read the post today I just shook my head- it has taken me a whole day to comment.
I don’t know how a “loving” relationship turns into Michael Jackson’s Thriller video… but I sure know that the children in the middle def suffer.
And southern Belle- omg I know it’s a bit off from your comment but I’ll on FB and see that the MOST triflin
%itches from highschool/college are happily married with kids- WTF is up with that??!!!
Makes me think…should I abandon my fabulousness and join the chickenhead train?? I think not!!!!
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Would’nt it be better if they just invented The Pill for Men since condoms are so unreliable? Think. The only form of birth control that men are able to have complete control over is a vasectomy and most men don’t want to render themselves infertile for the rest of their lives just because they might run into some psycho p****. With this pill men will retain all normal sexual function, but they will be infertile only while on the pill. Maybe the pill would trigger some kind of hormonal response that causes the sperm to be repulsed by the “crazy’s”egg and swim away. LOL! idk. just an idea! I’ll keep it in mind when I go to med school.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 6th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
I like how you’re backtracking and catching up on the action.lol.
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