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How About Some Caramel With That Chocolate
by Seattle (yes, that’s my name) Washington
To preface, I’m from the greatest city in the world. For those of you who don’t know, don’t recognize the cockiness or are just in denial, I’m talking about New York City. Coming from there, I was privileged to see many different races and ethnicities on a daily. However, I recognize there are different perspectives about this topic especially with those from the South and West. I hope that you will share your points of view in the comments section.
Although it would definitely make things easier, most things aren’t black and white. Even with a topic like interracial dating, it’s often forgotten there are other dating arrangements besides the obvious. There are Brothers and Sisters who date Hispanic, Asian, Indian, Middle Eastern as well as a slew of other ethnic women and men. The weird thing is some of these couples fly under the racial radar, while others get just as many looks as if they were Black/White couple. Case in point…
“It’s Cool, She’s Spanish”
Hip Hop, urban culture and a close living quarters have allowed people from the West Indies, Africa and the Americas to chop it up. So it was inevitable that Black men started to date Latinas, I mean have you seen them? they’re lovely women. Sisters still may get upset that “one of their men” is dating a Latin woman, but she won’t be that mad. Why? Well to quote, “She’s basically Black.” A sweeping generalization seeing that Latin culture is very unique, but our shared African blood and experiences as colored folk in America do give us some commonalities. That may be different in places where Black/Brown relations are stressed or nonexistent, but in NYC and most of the Northeast it’s ok for Blacks and Hispanics to date. You’ll see them walking all over the Five Boroughs hand in hand, and some Sisters won’t even bat an eye. Shoot, that’s probably their homegirl anyway.
“Well, They’re Not Really a Minority”
No, that’s not a statement from Bill O’Reilly. That’s the number one reason I’ve heard uttered by Sisters as to why it’s not cool to date Asian women. They don’t get the same pass that Hispanic women have. Model Minority status, strained relations from the 90s and separatist attitudes in both cultures may be why. More likely it’s because Blacks and Asians just don’t chill like Blacks and Hispanics do. When’s the last time you saw that kind of clique in the club? If you have, shoot me an email. All that withstanding, Black men and Asian women started to get together at some point. Credit it to Raekwon declaring “You looking good fly colored Asian” on his track “Ice Cream”, the original hip hop power couple Russell and Kimora or maybe even Chan and Tucker fighting evil doers on the big screen. Even though it’s becoming bigger in the media, don’t expect to see Black women smiling at a Brother and his Asian wife playing with their mixed kids. Even if the dude is Dave Chappelle or Tiki Barber.
Don’t Know What You’ve Got Til It’s Gone
Some get passes, some don’t, but all Brothers who date outside their race have one commonality. An open mind. Which allows them to date for either sheer physical attraction, because that’s all they know or for another reason. It being, “I wasn’t getting any love from Black women, so f–k it.” Sounds harsh, but it’s true. I, and countless other guys, have witnessed Black women show no interest in a particular Brother until they see him on the quad walking with some [insert non-Black] woman. And if you are interested, you have a hell of a way of showing it (please reference Sowhatiff’s article “Are Black Women Really That Stank?”). To paraphrase a brutally honest friend of mine – Black men are found attractive by women of every race, so if Black women don’t want me, f–k it. Who can blame these Brothers. It doesn’t take a college education to know that you go where the opportunities are. So if women of other races are showing us love and that leads some of us away from Black women for a few, or forever, so be it. Like they say, those Brothers probably couldn’t handle a Sister anyway, right? Riiiiiiight.
So why the double standard ladies? Why do some Brothers get the thumbs up and proverbial pat on the ass for dating a Dominican woman while others get the eye roll when they’re seen walking with their Chinese better half? Let me know.
And I’m out!
The Newly Knighted, Sir Washington
Oh, I couldn’t leave without shouting out RightCoastLexSteele for putting the battery in our backs to do this Three Part Series. Much respect!
11 Responses to “How About Some Caramel With That Chocolate”
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I like my coffee with some Bacardi or Brugal. I have a friend named Curly and he likes his coffee with sake. Some may call us alcoholics. I like to think of it more as up for adventure.
I feel more comfortable dating outside my race, usually a latina because although I wasnt bred in NYC, I came from an environment where blacks, latinos and whites all co-existed. Once you know how to relate to someone all that’s left to be figured out is whether or not there is any attraction. I cant lie, there’s also the exotic appeal or maybe I could say the “not what you’re used to appeal”. And all that “They are basically black” stuff only goes so far cuz I can tell you from experience that our generation is open to the idea, but trust her papi no te gusta que un moreno esta “boinking” su hija. No te gusta…ay pobreci…
***Turns the merengue back up***
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Well put Seattle. Interracial dating is something that’s here to stay and everyone will always have mixed feelings about it, all across the board. Asians aren’t too happy all the time when they see the girls with the white guys, but then some rather see them with the white guy than a Latino. Interestingly enough, there’s even a tier of what is semi acceptable for interracial dating. It’s okay to date the white guy, but if you bring home an Indian, that may not fly. As you said, it’s never black or white, sometimes it’s yellow and brown, or even yellow and yellow, just different countries. As long as we know who we are and love who we are with, I’m down. Better to spread more love, so let’s spare the wasted energy of the “looks” and just look the other way. Maybe, it’s not really about color, maybe it’s about other people being happy. Just saying….
-Lanny from Cali
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“but all Brothers who date outside their race have one commonality. An open mind.”
Now now Seattle…”all” statements can get us into some trouble. There are those Black men that date outside of their race specifically because they are closed to dating black women. That kind of contradicts with the open mind idea.
As per the double standard, for me, an interracial couple comprised of a Black man and another ethnic or racial minority, is an easier pill to swallow. pause. There is a commonality that still exists (in my mind). I feel terrible for saying this sometimes, but no point in punking out…there is just something bothersome when the woman is white. I’m pretty sure is has something with history and all that…or maybe I just don’t get it. Either way, sigh.
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I was waiting for someone to call me out on that and it just had to be you, huh Tiff? Well you’re right, some of us just write off Black women because of bad experiences. Nonetheless, they don’t say woe is me and complain, they just jumped ship. Hence a somewhat open mind. Right? Right?
Yeah…
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“So why the double standard ladies? Why do some Brothers get the thumbs up and proverbial pat on the ass for dating a Dominican woman while others get the eye roll when they’re seen walking with their Chinese better half? Let me know.”
Because it isn’t seen as interracial dating. Do you call Black Americans dating Black West Indians (Jamaican, Trinidadian, Haitian, etc) ‘interracial dating’?
Most Dominicans are black/mixed with black (even though many deny it, but lets not get into that) so they’re not a different race, but different nationality or ethnicity.
I’m kind of confused why you striked out “I mean have you seen them?” Or was that supposed to be a funny and I’m too slow to get it, lol.
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, The Icon Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 4:11 pm
“Do you call Black Americans dating Black West Indians (Jamaican, Trinidadian, Haitian, etc) ‘interracial dating’? ”
No, but they should…Black Americans are a different breed, I swear.
Yea, I said it.
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angela Reply:
January 8th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Different breed? Sure the culture is different (we eat plantains, not collard greens!) but different breed? Dang.
Funny, all the black people I know though (at school, in my neighborhood) except for just one are ALL West Indian, so maybe I’m just not aware.
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Dash Reply:
March 26th, 2010 at 7:32 am
Thank you Angela. When will people get it through their heads Latino is an ethnicity NOT a race. You CAN be a black latino, as well as a white latino, mestizo, mulattoo etc. The latino ethnicity is made up of African, indigenous and european. Let’s educate ourselves please.
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Hello,
I’m an AA male married to a black women. Marrying her is probably the worst thing I ever did in my life. She has cheated on me several times and she abuses my children. I work in a very diverse and integrated environment. Surprisingly enough, I find that I get more attention from Asian, Latin and White women than black women. I have a few asian and latin women who have become good friends of mine and I find them to be very attractive and I know they find me attractive as well. I would not have any problem dating them. They seem to be a lot nicer and sincere about relationships and don’t have a problem with me being an AA. Please advise.
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angela Reply:
January 8th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
So because you married a woman (of your own race) that turned out to be bad, you’re looking into dating non black women to solve your problems?
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