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How to Become a Man’s Best Female Friend
By Slim Jackson
Since we’re on a roll with blog entries, I figured I’d continue in style and attack a topic very close to the heart of many girls/women..the decent looking female that has a lot of guy friends. You know who I’m talkin about. Don’t kid yourself ladies! You know who she is, because you are her or you don’t like her. She’s the chick who happens to be close friends with ya man, or the dude you’ve been chasing that won’t take notice of your efforts. She’s successfully cracked the passcode that has allowed her to almost become “one of the fellas”. Regardless of which side you’re on, this can be extremely frustrating. I’ve heard both sides of the table. I’ve read quite an amazing blog entry that explains the cunning “good friend” that lurks in the shadows waiting to lay claim to her throne. Have mercy should the female be more than a 6.5 on the attractive scale. I chose that number arbitrarily by the way.
The fact of the matter remains that she is either perceived as a great friend, or the worst enemy. Yes, she has other female friends that like her and understand why she has the friends she does. Chances are a lot of women don’t like her friends either. Then again, do any women more than 1 degree of separation apart like each other initially? Most likely not.
Now I’m not disputing that there aren’t women that are dripping with greeze. It’s obvious in many a movie and a many a story that has been told. It’s no secret that women possess a certain level of calculated cold-heartedness that is borderline scary. How do you distinguish between the heroes and the villains? Quite honestly, I’m not sure that you can.
There’s a saying to the effect of “Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies even closer.” Now it does suck to have to assume that other women are automatic enemies. I parallel this slightly with racism. It’s a competition for limited resources, especially if it rings true that “there aren’t that many good guys out there.”, that can fuel hatred of your fellow XY. I know that I’m a good dude, so is Seattle. I don’t think Sowhatiff would have teamed up with us if we were the men that you have collectively gotten used to.
Rather than be angry at another woman you barely know and keep tabs on her Facebook or Myspace page, you should focus on cracking that code. After all, men are simple creatures. We often live to eat, sleep, beat, skeet, then sleep some more. I know that’s abrasive and raunchy and everything else that’s wrong, but unfortunately and fortunately it’s true. With that being said, you can become that best friend, or at least move up the ladder a few rungs. Some of you will use this advice as knowledge to unleash your true evil potential. Please don’t. I know you will do it anyway. Please don’t. But anyway, here are some tips:
- Don’t ask questions about favorite colors and other petty things thinking that you are really getting to know him. A fashionable dude may like certain color schemes. His apperance is important, so take notice that he values that. Cop that shirt for him that matches his fitted! If you’re broke, show him where you saw the shirt.
- Don’t ask too many questions about that female friend. He will get annoyed and assume jealously. I’m not saying don’t ask any questions. You have a right to know how long she has been around and how they met. I suggest you ask those same questions about his male friends as well. Otherwise, cool your f*ckin jets chill out. You can learn a lot if you’re patient enough to observe why she plays such a big role in his life. No more of this “I ain’t comparing myself to any other woman” or “Don’t compare me to other women, cuz I’m not them” shit. Suck it up Sacrifice the ego for a bit and learn something.
- Sex is superb. It’s not the cure all (to most), but it’s good. Don’t use it to make yall closer. His female friend didn’t need to…hopefully. If you aren’t dating this guy and you start your fight for his best friend status by letting him dive into your pool of love, you may be relegated to a late night resource…even if you put it on him.
- Don’t pick fights to ignite passion in the relationship because if she is close enough, he will ask her for advice on how to handle you. You want him to ask you how to make things better. Communication is clutch. The less hands in your relationship, the better off anyway.
- Stay out of his phone! If you try to be Monk or Psych long enough, you will find something to twist and support your claims. Then again, you may have a reason to be suspicious. I wanna say use good judgment, but that’s relative to the individual. How about don’t OD? Eh, that doesn’t work either. Oh well.
To summarize, you can become his best friend if you’re not already. There are some sacrifices that need to be made for the greater good. Stop worrying about what other women are doing. Because if you are doing everything in your power to be a good friend to the your guy/the guy you have been pursuing, you shouldn’t have to spend your time angry at other chicks. I could list some other suggestions, but I’m curious to see what everybody thinks of these. Feedback is crucial! The floor is open for discussion…
23 Responses to “How to Become a Man’s Best Female Friend”
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I totally agree women can be very jealous and crazy especially when it comes to their men and his close attractive female friend (CAFF). I am experiencing that now. The result: I have little to no contact with him after several verbal and physical fights, initiated by his female counterpart, ensued between them… of course during arguments about his relationship/contact with me.
My advice for females who want to become their man’s best friend in addition to already being his girl: Wise the hell up and get to know his CAFF. By doing so you eliminate most of the tension surrounding everything, you are less jealous, and you may get her to become your close friend too (so many advantages if this happens). Despite what many women think, the CAFF is not out there to steal your man. There is a reason she is only the friend. Believe me, if the CAFF wanted him, she would have had him already. Please believe it. Don’t be stupid. Just take my advice and stay cool, and make it a point to get to know the CAFf before acting a damn fool and inevitably losing your man. When you see her, be cordial and engage in conversation. You BOTH have one very important thing in common: HIM, so don’t say you have no reason to talk. Also, remember HE already loves and values his CAFF, if you want the same plus more, wise up.
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Thanks for validating my perspective.lol. I like the CAFF description. I’ma start using that going forward! Sucks that you are dealing with that now though. Not a good look for the chick who is wilding.
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This is a great entry. I am a CAFF with a few guys and as such, it is important that CAFFs understand and respect the lady in our friend’s life, by maintaining certain boundaries, etc, but without minimizing the importance of the friendship. The whole boundaries thing is for the g/f’s benefit in most cases anyway. If she was wise (and secure in herself and her relationship) she would have no problem getting to know you. Like Insightfully Blunt said, if we wanted your man, or more importantly, if we wanted each other, we could have each other…in more ways than one. If your man has a really good female friend that he turns to for things he doesn’t come to you for, maybe you should ask yourself why…
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The idea of a CAFF is absurd and is trouble waiting to happen. Unless you grew up with this person and have totally asexual feelings towards them, CAFF’s are usually “Pussy in storage”. There are usually several reasons why sex hasnt occured between the two parties, but I can guaran-damn-tee that if this CAFF were to give her male friend a millimeter of daylight, he’d fuck her brains out. That’s why the other woman is threatened and justifiably so. Yeah, if he wanted to fuck her, he could, but this is still America and she actually has to consent. CAFF’s are usually someone you might have wanted to holla at but landed in the friend zone, or you may have gotten close to her during college while she was waiting for your roommate to get back and you were keeping her occupied while your roomie was boinking one of his concubines, or…your in a frat and she’s in a sorority and you’ve totally already boinked all her LS’s/prophytes/roommates, and she probably would have let you rock if you werent such a total man-whore. But she understands your story. And besides, she heard the GDR and is impressed. And on the female side of this, most CAFF’s keep guys these guys around as “emergency dick in a jar”. I mean, there’s a reason why she’s not the close slightly attractive friend, or the close butt-ugly-shoulders-broader-than-mine friend (unless that’s your type, then go for it).
Girlfriends and CAFF’s getting to know each other is another ludicris idea. Naturally, women are catty. So at the initial intro there is going to be the “who’s this bitch” in the back of both minds. Now if this CAFF is reasonably attractive, she’ll probably already think or know that she looks better than his chick anyway and will silently hate. Even though she probably wont fuck dude or doesnt care to, she’s still gonna wonder, “Well damn, why he aint holla @ me?” Not that she wants him to, but she’ll wonder. Now fellas, in general it’s just a bad idea to have someone that is not bound by Nigga Law (you can email me for the statutes of Nigga Law) that knows a lot about you to be close friends with your girl. BAD IDEA. But on the girlfriend side, this CAFF is always going to be a problem. She’s going to be more of a liability than anything else depending on how close you guys are. She could play her position all she wants, the moment your girl feels threatened by her, that’s your ass homie.
My advice…fellas stop being a pussy and holla at the CAFF. Why not? You like her, she rolls blunts just as well as you do, and she TiVO’s all the sports events you keep forgetting to program. Who cares what the sex is like, if you guys end up getting married, eventually you’ll be too busy to have sex anyway.
Or I could be wrong and the guy, girl and CAFF will live happily ever after with the occaisonal menage a tois/orgy.
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LMAO. I don’t even know what to say to this. It’s simultaneously right and wrong. It’s horrible and great. I can’t say I agree with this, but I can appreciate the raw/honest opinion.
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Like I said, I could be wrong. But as two great women once said:
“Believe me, if the CAFF wanted him, she would have had him already. Please believe it. Don’t be stupid.”
“…if we wanted your man, or more importantly, if we wanted each other, we could have each other…in more ways than one.”
Ego can be a motherfucker.
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i find the thought process really interesting. “Believe me, if the CAFF wanted him, she would have had him already. Please believe it. Don’t be stupid.”
if that’s the case, and you’re just “friends”, you really shouldn’t be thinking that way. also, i’ve seen CAFF’s become very jealous because the dude didn’t pick her. now i have guy friends and i’ve been told by then and countless others that i am a relatively attractive female. even if they have said suggestive things to me and have girlfriends, i don’t play into it out of respect, whether i care for the girl or not. i guess thats where im the anomaly, because i’ve never been one to pride myself if going after a girl’s dude or say things like if i could have him i would’ve had him. like slim said, guys are simple. so if you have a vagina and you’re willing to give it up, of course he’d take it. that being said, i’ve seen girls who do go after guys who have girlfriends, and they happen to fall into the CAFF category. obviously there are exceptions to the rule, but girls are bitchy by nature, its bound to happen. that being said, the dick in a jar saying is quite applicable to this situation. and just remember, if a dude doesn’t want his girl to feel comfortable around his CAFF, he should just remember that all girls have a back up plan…
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truthhurts,
I think all that Insightfully Blunt was alluding to, and please correct me if I’m wrong, was that she recognizes that things could’ve gone further but haven’t. Just like you have noticed your “friends” comments and not pursued them out of respect for his girl. Perhaps you are not as much of an anomaly as you think you are.
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Thanks for the comment TruthHurts, but I’m a bit confused by your perspective…
“and just remember, if a dude doesn’t want his girl to feel comfortable around his CAFF, he should just remember that all girls have a back up plan…”
I’m not quite understanding why the guy needs to keep that in mind? Wouldn’t that make him more likely to do something shady if he thinks his girl is talking to other dudes on the low? Wouldn’t that mean that she is equally as greezy as the CAFF she dislikes? Why is she in a relationship if she needs to have back-up options? That kinda defeats the purpose don’t you think?
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i guess i can clarify that. by a back up plan i mean that a girl has her guy friends as well as her boyfriend. not necessarily being greazy and talkin to them on the low, but if something were to happen, things wouldn’t be that rough…similar to the supporting role of the CAFF. and another thing, not every girlfriend dislikes her boyfriends female friends, and i’m sure may guys have had to deal with the close attractive male friend.
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Seattle,
Good job of posting at exactly 4:20.
The female back up plan is the underlying unspoken threat that all men face whether they choose to recognize it or not. The plan may not always be sleeping her converse “CAMF”, it could be a scorned bride deciding to exercise her right as an American woman to the proverbial “half”. Or sending messages on facebook to all his friends about that thing he let her do to him while he was hopped up on X and Adderol. You know what they say about women scorned. In a utopia, boy meets girl and if all goes well they live happily ever after. Unfortunately, we live in America.
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Guess who’s @ work with absolutely nothing to do? This guy.
The only difference between CAFF’s and CAMF’s is it would be much easier for a lady to seek um…”relief” from her CAMF than it would be for us with our CAFF’s. Once again, if it was that easy for us to sleep with CAFF’s, the nature of the relationship would be totally different. CAMF’s are usually first in line on most female’s “emergency” lists.
Ladies: Your boyfriend despises your CAMF. He only tolerates him because of you. He struggles to understand the nature of your relationship or at least why you two are just friends. He knows in the back of his head that as soon as he slips up that this guy is gonna swoop in like Captain Save-A-Ho wearing just a cape and a smile, for this is the moment he was built for.
(Captain Save-A-Ho is a simple metaphor. In no way, shape or form am I using the word Ho as a general term for females. Captain Save-A-Ho is a registered trademark of Niggerdom, Inc.)
Yes, I say the N word frequently. I say it 100 times in the morning to keep my teeth pearly white.
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I don’t think the dude despises the CAMF off the bat unless the dude comes across as a greezeball. Cool chicks usually have a lot of male friends to be honest. A good portion of which would beat given the opportunity, but got enough respect for another dude to not OD. I do know a lot of swoop thru types though.lol. I’ve bodied a couple of ‘em in my day for indiscreet tactics. I’ll be damned if I’m lurking on some dude’s facebook page or rallying the troops against him. And dudes don’t hate first and ask question laters…usually
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Most definitely dont hate them all, but just the one who always calls, leaves facebook messages etc. Basically the one who acts like you guys share YOUR girl.
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I think I can bring a new perspective to the discussion….As many women probably have, I have been the so-called CAFF as well as the girlfriend (not within the same relationship, of course lol). One of my good male friends used to always have a gf. And I admit it, I did start to develop feelings toward him. But my friend was sort of a “ho” at the time and would sometimes share his “relation stories” with me. I really didn’t want to fall into that trap, so I stayed away. Plus, I was pretty young at the time and couldn’t see myself falling into any “trap” because that’s just the way I roll. I don’t know if he was just joking or not, but he actually proposed once that we should have sex. Now days, it seems like he’s totally changed. I don’t speak to him as much as before, but he is in a serious relationship (after running thru plenty of girls in high school) and has a new born baby! I guess the point of me telling this is that yes, we probably could have done something…if I had let him.
I have had quite a few male friends in the past as well as the present. Not a lot have been CAMF…just friends, but still attractive and male. Many of them I’ve liked at some point. Some had girlfriends, some had not. If they were with girls, never EVER would I have even messed with idea of actually pursuing them. But that’s just because I have mad respect for my fellow women…as all women should. Now to the scenario about how I was the girlfriend…
Long story short, my ex-boyfriend and his CAFF got together shortly after we broke up. (Saying CAFF kind of bothers me a little…because it almost implies as if the other woman is Beyonce and the girlfriend looks like Nell Carter. And that’s truly not the case in my scenario). Anyway, I had a feeling they were even messing around while we were together. And she was the “goody-two-shoes” type, which really doesn’t mean anything when it comes to dick, I guess. Point of the story is that she was lurking in the background the whole time just waiting for us to break up. And I really did try to give their relationship the benefit of the doubt. Their relationship didn’t last though. Come to find out he had just been stringing her along as back up. He cheated on her with at least five girls while they were together. She pretty much played herself. I actually have no bad feelings toward her, after much self-progression and maturing.
My overall point is pretty much that people are people and everyone is different. While I, a strong, sisterly woman would never creep with someone else’s man (regardless of how long I’ve known him vs. how long she’s known him), there are others who will. They don’t even have to be the “ho-ish” type of girl either. Maybe a little weak, or naive, or…just plain stupid. This is just my perspective on things, and I am aware this isn’t the case for everyone. Just one isolated incident.
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Excellent comment. I’m applauding from my couch loudly. I kinda feel for that girl though. She lurked in the shadows only to become victim of the same thing she may have been a part of from the beginning. Karma is a b*tch. Don’t lie. You know you smiled each time you heard that he slid off on her…
-Slim
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I think the moral of the story is, “Ladies: your guy friend who just happens to be a man-whore is probably the man of your dreams, so dont let him slip away. The quicker you guys do it, the quicker he’ll change his ways”
Or. You could possibly just end up on his stat sheet. Either way the sex will probably blow your mind.
“The views expressed by RightCoastLexSteele are those of RightCoastLexSteele solely and do not reflect the views of SlimJackson, Seattle Washington, Sowhatiff and their sponsors. This guy is completely bonkers, Ladies and Gents.”
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I have to agree with Silva Dolla. Not all women are tripping over themselves, scheming and conniving on how to find, and trap a man. If you have a connection with a person you have a connection with a person. If you like a man then you do what you have to together to build on that relationship. That comes from the open and honest communication of both parties. People need to be HONEST about what they want. Not try to be somebody’s friend in the hopes that one day they’ll get chosen. How degrading. Women need to focus on whatever it is in their lives that make them whole and content. And if he doesn’t like you bump him… find someone who does. And don’t throw shade on a another woman’s relationship cause you will hate it when it’s you!
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Word up, pgh muse. Word Up.
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I agree w/ ya slim. This chick is an issue only if you allow her to be. But the best thing to do is make instead of beating um’, join um’. In every battle you need allies and if shes so damn close to your man (and this goes for his male friends) its best to have them on your side and continuously show them how right you are for their compadre. Loving the blogs old and new by the way… all of you are held responsible if I get fired for lack of productivity.
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After trying to have a friendship with 3 different girlfriends I’ve learned that it’s just not possible. I won’t be trying again.
As a CAFF to 3 different guys, defending my role/place in each friendship is played out for me. I will NOT apologize for it or downplay it to suit the ego/needs of the girlfriend. I just won’t. We don’t have to talk, you don’t have to like me but you WILL respect my place in your man’s life. B/c to me, the bottom line is I’m NOT going ANYwhere no matter how hard you try to get rid of me (and believe me some women have tried real hard). I was friends with these guys before you came along and I will be friends with them after you’re gone.
I merely see these 3 guys as friends that I can talk to about ANY and EVERYthing, they just happen to have dicks as opposed to vaginas.
With that being said, my boyfriend has to understand the same thing(s) about these guys that their girlfriends have to understand about me.
Fairly new to the site and I enjoy the blogs and comment on some of them even if my comments are years late, lol
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Slim Jackson Reply:
October 22nd, 2010 at 7:22 pm
Appreciate you dropping by. Though late, your comments are not unnoticed!
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proudtobeCAFF Reply:
November 23rd, 2010 at 11:47 pm
I lost one of those male friends, not because his girlfriend drove me away though. He, himself, ran after realizing that he couldn’t compete with the new man in my life (and I’m not even dating this new guy). It was then that I realized that I was a CAFF to him only because he was holding out hope of us one day being together. It was NEVER going to happen though and I finally made him see that. I guess our friendship wasn’t worth much anyway if he left without even trying to fight for it. Oh well, I’m happy with having only 2 close male friends. They’re enough for me
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