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I Could Deal With That…
A few days ago I wrote a post about the importance of looks vs. swagger/personality. I was curious to hear what men and women had to say even though the tone of my post could’ve led one to believe I was only talking to women. Both sexes basically said that personality/swagger held more weight than just being OD sexy on the appearance tip. Looking back, I don’t think I could’ve really expected anything different. Not one person said “He need to be fooiine. Sh*t, I’ma bad a$$ chick!” or “I only date 10′s on the 10 point scale. If she couldn’t be a model, she couldn’t be my wife.” Aside from being swallowed shallow, it’s sorta unreasonable unless you got a bank account with a lot of commas to just roll with someone simply cuz their delectable. It may start off peachy for the person holding the trophy, but chances are things will deteriorate and real will recognize real.
Now that we’ve established that looks aren’t the most important issue in selecting a significant other (Booty-butt ugliness creates an “out of your league” system with low tier options), and that people would prefer to have someone with a nice bank balance of characteristics, I’m curious to know what people are willing to compromise on if they meet a person with their top 2-3 desired traits. Traits include looks (yes, still), athleticism, articulateness, sense of humor, rebelliousness, low sex numbers, gigantic piece, gigantic buttcheeks/boobs, mouth hugs, etc. Everybody’s different.
So yeah, if you met someone who had the top 2-3 desireable traits that you’d want in your significant other, what would you be willing to deal with? Examples:
- Immaturity
- Political Affiliation
- Bad Breath
- Funky Feet
- Annoying side-kick friends.
- Bad Sheets Action
If this is unclear, please let me know and I’ll try to re-articulate what I’m asking. Otherwise, let the games begin!
36 Responses to “I Could Deal With That…”
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Mannnn, I wrote a witty response and lost my answer! Damnation!
Here’s the plain version:
I can date a dude who has a kid. There used to be a time when I refused to do so. But pickings are slimmer now that I’m in my mid-30s.
And I can date a short dude. In fact, I’m dating a dude the same as height as me. It’s kinda awkward. I’m 5’3 & can’t wear heels around this cat. But he’s great for my diet! (I refuse to weigh more than he does!)
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
“But he’s great for my diet!”
Yeah, so I really thought you meant sumthin else, then realize I just have a dirty mind sometimes. Does he walk around acting tough to compensate for height?
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ToySoldier Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I set myself up for that! He’s not greek but he reminds me of an Omega. Short stature, big muscles & a big truck!
LMAO
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Shelia Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
I can deal with a guy who has 2 or 3 kids but outside of that number with multiple baby’s mamas. I don’t think I can hang with him because at that point I feel he’s irresponsible and don’t know a thing about “safe sex.”
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Certain things I am not willing to deal with:
-Hairy Monkey (not under any circumstances!)
-Gold Digger
-Liars
-Virgins! I am not saying you have to sleep with me now, but sometime within Barrack Obamas first term PLEASE
- Plain ignorance, low education ( though these make the best one night stands)
Pet Peeves I will put up with:
-Having a man while I begin to date you ( i dont believe i that once a cheater always a cheater line)
-Kids
-BO (I come from an Island where people haven’t heard of AXE)
-bad dresser
-republicans
-church girls (i’m an atheist, but Ill put up with your silly God theory)
-not liking sports (the NFL is my church)
-low ambition (probably because I’m a guy, and anything success my wife/ gf brings I consider a bonus)
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
“low ambition (probably because I’m a guy, and anything success my wife/ gf brings I consider a bonus)” – so just to clarify, you dont expect women to be ambitious or bring anything to the table?
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CHeeKZ$ Reply:
November 18th, 2008 at 4:09 am
No No No…. I want an ambitious girl. But the list is of things that we are willing to put up with. I am willing to put up with low ambition if the rest of the package is there.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I almost spit out my lunch reading this list. Good Ish.lol
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Yeah Whatev Reply:
November 18th, 2008 at 2:04 am
“-Virgins! I am not saying you have to sleep with me now, but sometime within Barrack Obamas first term PLEASE”
Wow! That sucks. LOL. The reason most of us make guys wait so long is: Most of us are not looking for a hit and quit it type. We are looking for something with definite long-term potential. As in if the guys stick around for 12 months or so without getting any or anything near then they might really like us for us and not for our sheet action or lack thereof. LOL. Then if he does stick around for 12 months, you say well hell you stuck around this long without any you can handle 8 more months or so…I’ll buy you an economy-sized bottle of Jergens and re-new your subscription to KING Magazine. No Pain, No Gain! There is so much more to do in a relationship than sex. Sex is only 2% of the whole thing in my opinion. Seems like the only guys who understand this these days are eunuchs. lol.
j/k.
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Yeah Whatev Reply:
November 18th, 2008 at 2:24 am
BTW, I really was just joking about my last comment. kinda. lol.
Ok, for me, given that the person had these top three qualities: 1) Attractive to ME/Well-kempt 2) Ambitious/Go-Getter/Independent 3) Intellectual/Education/Street Smarts
They could pass (with stipulations) with
1. Being more than 10 years older than me (but not older than my father)
2. Having kids (provided that they are not deadbeat dads and they don’t have psychotic baby mama drama)
3. Not going to college [provided that they are ambitious and determined to pave a pathway to high career ( & financial) success in what they do]
4. Being Completely Broke (provided that they are still students)
5. Being shorter than me (I’m 5’10″) (provided that they are not shorter than 5’4″)
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
November 18th, 2008 at 9:58 am
“BTW, I really was just joking about my last comment. kinda. lol.”
I hope you are joking. lol. Sex? 2%? If a dude held out from me for 12 months, that would be a problem. I feel like withholding the goodies is a dangerous game to play. It makes the goodness seem more like a tradeable commodity rather than the treasure that it is. I just don’t play that game. Plus, I hate to be the pessimist, but if a guy waits around for 12 months without getting any, he’s A) dumb, B) a DLB, or C) prolly getting it from somewhere else.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2008 at 9:37 am
“Sex is only 2% of the whole thing in my opinion.”
C’mon now. Really? Really though? Seriously?
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Yeah Whatev Reply:
November 20th, 2008 at 1:21 am
Okay…I do realize I was a little OD with the 2% and 12 months thing, however, I do think that 6-8 months is reasonable time to find out what a dude is really about. I believe that a relationship should be about building companionship, trust, intimacy and friendship above all else. If a relationship’s foundations are built solely on passion, once that burns out: What have you got left? Since I’ve started dating I find that my virginity is a life-saver of sort. It usually sends all the fake ones running. The ones who run as soon as they find out were really just looking out for their small thinkers. I used to be worried about not being a “real” adult for my lack of experience, but the genuine gentlemen find it very refreshing and intriguing. The real bonus is that they don’t have to worry about baggage and I don’t have to worry about feeling pressured to do anything “special” in between dates. I don’t have to worry about wasting myself on someone who was just pretending for temporary, consistent casual sex. The real guys usually step their game up after they find out, because they realize that I won’t be a cake walk. I’m absolutely worth waiting for. It’s not about “withholding the goodies”; it’s about “saving the goodies” for someone who is truly worth it. You can say I’m full of it, but that’s me. I’m not saying that everyone can or should think like me.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 20th, 2008 at 9:59 am
I suppose it goes back to how people weight things. To some people, sex is like a car. You gotta test drive it before you buy it. Not that I feel that way or anything…
*cough*
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1. I will date a guy with children, once upon a time I wouldn’t even look in your direction
2. I will date a guy without a college degree. So long as you have a job with benefits and can meet me halfway financially we are cool
that’s all I can think of right now
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
“I will date a guy without a college degree.”
That’s cool. Depending on how amibitious and success you are…as well as age, that could cause a major inferiority complex from dude. You can deal with it, but I wonder if he can? Hmmm.
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 18th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I have discovered that often times they can’t, especially when I tell them I’m on the Vice president/Dean of Student’s track~ that is usually what gives them the inferiority complex
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I could deal with that:
…or you can pay up and get a room lol
1. typos- even though you have spell check and a degree (Yea I’m talking about my current relationship!!)
2. immaturity- as in I still need to learn how to express my feelings in a grown man way…NOT I’d rather play Xbox then spend time with you immaturity
3. funky breath- not chronic, but occasional bb or bo is allowed- we’re human right?
4. living with mama- I mean it’s better to wait and buy then rush into renting if you don’t have to…we can go to my place and get it on
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Southern Belle Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Typos, yes. They’re like a stain on that white T, he remains completely oblivious but I’m silently judging him!
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Oh yeah, and Happy Founders’ Day!
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Things I could prob deal with if he had the top 3 qualities (intelligence, charisma, good looks):
1. Immaturity – hopefully he will step his game up after spending time with me.
2. Annoying/stupid friends/frat brothers – just because he hangs out with people on the slow boat to nowhere doesn’t mean that I have to hang out with them too… as long as he doesn’t pick up their annoying/stupid ways, it’s all good.
3. Sense of style – I’m not too picky about what the dude wears, as long as he rocks it well.
4. Living with his parents – well since I live with my parents, I guess I can’t hate… but if he’s in his 30s, I’d be concerned.
5. Being of a different ethnic background/race – I’m open to dating dudes from diff parts of the african diaspora (though a Jamaican-American would be ideal!), and I would consider dating an Asian or white person, too.
…i think thats it.
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Shelia Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
” Being of a different ethnic background/race”
I can bend on this, but he would have to be American & a Christian.
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Anonymous Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
LMAO @ slow boat to nowhere
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My compromises:
1. Musically inept – Back in the day, I would never date a guy who wasn’t musically inclined. He didn’t have to play an instrument, but he needed to be knowledgeable, musically, from an RnB and/or Gospel standpoint. I’m finally okay with a guy whose musical indulgence lies solely with all that hip-hoppity/rap stuff.
2. Nonathletic – I realize everybody isn’t in to playing sports or being involved in sports teams. That’s fine. He does, however, need to be in shape/work-out.
3. I don’t know what to call this one, but I used to only date guys with a great sense of style—one could say “pretty boys.” They all had a slew of suits and never wore sneakers. Uhm…with the proliferation of DLB’s in our communities, I’ve decided to give that up for some Air Force One’s, gold chains, and Vince McMahon/Batista-like swagger…
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Nyela:
DLB’s wear Air Force One’s, gold chains, and have Vince McMahon/Batista-like swagger…remember Karamo Brown Real World Philadelphia Season 15…shocked the world…
Cheekz$
Virgins? Wow thats all I have to say. With all the STDs running around that’s the safest bet.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Eek! You’re right, and I considered that. I figure you can’t really escape the DLB…no matter what you look for. ::sigh::
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Disabilities I could bang with (pause) if need be:
-Laziness: Being lazy on any day except Sunday is not cute, however if he needs a lazy moment after a long day and I need to pick up the slack (folding laundry, doing dishes, making dinner…) I’ll deal.
-Ditching me for the boys/family/friend’s that he hardly sees: If we had plans, however great they may have been, and one of the aforementioned individuals needs his time, that’s cool.
-Jewelry: I cannot stand men who wear jewelry (aside from some studs), but if he has a subtle cross or classic link bracelet, I guess it’s fine.
-Apathy for reading: I pull a lot of what I talk about from books, I love reading, but if he doesn’t share the interest then I don’t mind adjusting – slightly.
-Snoring: A slight hum is acceptable but anything pig-like will result in me seeking him some type of treatment, shamelessly.
-Mild sexual appetite: I don’t prefer a man who puts ‘sex’ anywhere below 5 on his list of “10 Things That Make Me Happy”, but as long as God, family, friends, me, and (insert his choice here) come before it then we’re good.
-Sci-Fi movies: Look, I can fake my appreciation for the genré just about as good as I can fake an orgasm – great for the short term, but keep this up long term and we’re going to have a nasty break-up. I’ll pretend to like them occasionally, but the slightest ODment of Spock or Obi-Wan and he will get nexted.
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One major deal breaker would be–he doesn’t like reading–he absolutely should like to read something other than the sports page. At the very least, he should have an open mind so I can bounce some ideas around with him.
I can deal with him having hobbies that don’t include me…i.e., fishing, hanging out with the fellows.
I can deal with him not having a college degree as long as he has a career and is able to take care of his business. I do like a man with some ambition.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
A person who says they don’t like reading is universally unacceptable.lol.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
November 17th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
I agree!
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Honestly, I could deal with a lot … if she had my top 3 characteristics I know I’m not going to find a deep throating, monogamous, nympho just anywhere.
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CHeeKZ$ Reply:
November 18th, 2008 at 4:19 am
LMAO
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 18th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
hit me up~
I joke!
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Dealing with people who fit my ideal characteristics is a challenge, let alone any compromises I may have to make in the meantime. Preferred traits include:
1. Disney Movies – If he cannot sit through the new Tinkerbell DVD with me, it is a wrap.
2. Athleticism – He needs to be a breeder; must be able to beat me raw (no spikes) in a 400m.
3. Superior Math Skills – I like a man who does not need to break out the abacus to run-down all the females he has been with.
I could temporarily tolerate a triage of:
1. Homelessness – If the bank seizes his home because CitiBank hemorrhaged his job and he cannot meet his $5K monthly mortgage payments, I will understand.
2. Type O Negative Blood – Compatibility risks in emergency medical situations.
3. Occasional Swear Words – Maintains a ratio of approximately 20:1 (non-swear words: swear words) in casual settings.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 18th, 2008 at 9:39 am
“must be able to beat me raw”
I was like wow. That shouldn’t be much of a problem. 98% of men would love to do that. Then I realized you were talking about running on a track. Once again, my dirty mind prevails!
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I have been one to reject dudes because of their height. But I am now willing to deal with a dude who is close to my height (Sadly 6’1″ or better is too much ask for nowadays)…as long as his swagger is on point, and he won’t get all insecure when I put on the pumps.
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