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You Should Date Outside Of Your Race
In addition to the world telling Black women to do x, y or z as it relates to dating and their singlehood, some people have begun (or continued) to encourage Black people to go above and beyond their own race in search of a mate. True, the idea of interracial dating is not novel or unique. However, I can’t remember seeing it on scripted television to the degree I have as of late.
The cast...
ABC’s Private Practice, a spin-off of Grey’s Anatomy, is centered around a multi-speciality medical clinic that serves patients for a variety of medical needs. When the show first started, Sam (played by Taye Diggs) and Naomi (played by Audra McDonald) were a married couple, raising their teenage daugther. As the show progressed, their marriage did not, and eventually they divorced. Fast forward a season or so: both Sam and Naomi have been pursued or are seeking boos outside of their race. Sam has fallen in and out of love with Naomi’s (White) best friend, and Naomi has smitten not one, but two white men. Fun times. Also, the couple’s daughter has gotten knocked-up by and married to a White boy. In addition to these, the show often features interracial couples as patients of the clinic–a man from Kenya dating a White woman last week and Asian people dating white and black people in past shows, to name a few.
Sam and Naomi doing what married people do.
When Sam first started pursuing a White woman, I wasn’t surprised. A bit annoyed, but not surprised. But once I saw that Naomi was being sought after by the two white men, I began to wonder:
What messages are the writers trying to send?
As you watch a show long enough, you begin to notice the writers’ agenda. They all try to slip in bits and pieces of their political and social agendas through their characters’ lives. You can hear it in the sometimes preachy monologues of some characters, or notice it in the reoccurring themes of the various plots. But then I wondered: are the writers merely reflecting the cultural dating scene of California (where the show is set), or are they trying to normalize in their own way, dating people who don’t look like you?
Interracial dating is usually framed as men of x race dating women of another. For example (IMHO) in Black culture, it’s more common to see a Black man dating a woman who is White or of another racial or ethnic background. But seeing a Black woman embrace dating a non-black man tends to be less common. With shows like Private Private seemingly encouraging people to look beyond their immediate racial circles, I’m starting to wonder if the writers are trying to start a trend, or are they exposing one that already exists and is growing.
Last week, I came across an article in the Washington Post (yep, they are at it again) imploring Black women to date outside of their race. In the article, Karyn Langhorne Folan, the author of “Don’t Bring Home a White Boy,” stated that Black women are in a market failure, and encouraged us to “find a new market” for our commodities, us being the commodity and new markets being men of other races. While I find her analogy a bit insulting to Black men and women, it raises an interesting assumption. It seems to assume that people should explore dating of outside of their respective races because of failed attempts at dating within their own race.
But does it have to be that way?
It seems like mixed messages are coming our way. On one hand, ABC seems to be encouraging people to go beyond their race for the sake of going beyond. Find love wherever it may exist. Folan, and other people I’m sure we’ve all encountered, seem to encourage people to go outside of their race, when they are fed up or have encountered failure after failure with their own people, so to speak.
Have you ever dated someone of a different race? Why or why not? What are your concerns, if any? Are you open to the idea? Have you noticed a difference in the number of interracial couples you see either on TV, in the media, or in real life? Is it more acceptable for a Black man, or a Black woman to date outside of their race? Why’s that?
That’s a cute White man, but I dunno…
113 Responses to “You Should Date Outside Of Your Race”
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Well if you count Latinas as another race they yea, I have dated outside my race. Why? Because I was attracted to them and like who these women were as people. Culterally, Latinos are close to blacks and have had similar struggles. I wasn’t looking at race though, just as them as people. I’ve never dated a white woman though, and I’m not sure I would, but I wouldn’t rule it out.
Black Women, do what you feel. Stop subscribing to the bullish that people have been feeding you. Its all good with me!
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 8:46 am
you live in New York. Latinos are the same people….
but don’t say that in LA, b/c those Eses will light that @$$ up (pause), word to the Byz Lats.
But like Jenkins was trying to say, everything is different depending on location.
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Streetztalk Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 9:34 am
Oh Trust I know about the Raza in LA,lol
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:11 am
LOL..
you know a black person is from LA when they call all latinos, Mexican.
Yo. OG Bobby Johnson, that isn’t really acceptable around here, dog. This is Washington Heights, you are going to get us killed.
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R.A.G Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Cuz they are all mexican, cuh
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Dash Reply:
March 9th, 2010 at 11:14 am
Latino is an ethnicity not a race. Sorry, this maddens me to no end. You can be ANY race and be Latino. But anywayz, why is it such a big deal anyway? Date whomever you like. Sample all flavors. That’s the beauty of the world, there are many different choices. Personally I’m very open-minded with my choice in men. It’s just too many handsome men to limit myself to just one group.
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Great post!
Personally, I want my Mandingo Warrior, Kunta Kinte, Chicken George brotha (no Madea). That’s not to say I’m opposed to dating outside of my race. However, I’m not attracted to most non-black men (now Gerard Butler is a different story). And since none have asked me out, I think it’s safe to say they aren’t attracted to me either. They usually only approach me when drunk. In those instances, I can’t be bothered.
Pepa of Salt-n-Pepa fame is/was booed up with an Asian Dr. (yes, I watched Let’s talk about Pep). Who would have thunk it? The daughter on the Cleveland Show (yeah I watch that too) was dating a white guy. And good old Al Bundy is married to a Columbian wife on Modern Family (luvs this show too). So interracial dating is making its way all over TV.
All this is well and good. It’s like Dr. King’s dream. People are hopefully IR dating because of character not color. On the other hand, with all this media focus, I just feel like everyone is making IR the new “It” thing, especially for black women. Who you date should not be based on a new fad.
I can’t say who it’s more acceptable for to date outside their race, but I do know it’s more common for black men. They seem to be more open to and down with the swirl. Mad love to all IR daters. Just at the end of the day, date the person that makes you happy, regardless of if they’re blue, purple or green.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 8:27 am
LOL @ down with the swirl.
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Although I’m sure this is a conversation for much more “grown people,” I couldn’t resist commenting.
In my short 20 years of life and “relationships,” I haven’t actually considered dating outside my race. Even attending a PWI, where the black community is small and filled with enough drama to create a Lifetime movie, I still have a strong passion for black love.
I’m not racist, but there isn’t anything attractive about white men to me. I will admit to have a small crush on Puerto Rican dudes, but that’s another story. I love and appreciate each and every culture that makes this world of ours go round, but…I have yet to meet someone outside my race that catches my attention and makes me want to pursue them.
And yes, I have noticed the interracial talk seems to get more and more spark every day. Everywhere I turn, it seems to say that the only options I have as a black woman is to be a ghetto hood chick that wants a thug, or become educated and successful and turn into a bitch that looks down on all black men. It’s like a black woman with any type of intellect will find herself strongly disappointed with black male prospects. And I find it to be far from the truth.
I think black men and women need to quit giving up so easily on each other. We’ll keep having problems if everybody nags and no one listens to the other. And men and women are just that, no matter what their race or culture is. Dating outside your race doesn’t erase the relationship problems.
I, too, am fine with what people choose to do, as long as they’re happy and not dragging someone else down in the process. I just know that I daydream about being swept of my feet one day….I mean, when I think about my future…it’s usually me with a black guy.
Shay, the college girl.
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I can tell you first hand that Private Practice isn’t reflecting any Cali trends, maybe just encouraging them. I’ve been here all my life (raised in SoCal, currently residing in the Bay Area) and still don’t see too many black women with men of other races. But black men with other races is still something I see every once in a while.
I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s more acceptable for black men to date outside their race, just more common. For some reason they’re more open to it than women are. My current boyfriend has dated other races but I I haven’t. My boyfriend before him couldn’t get with the other races, just wasn’t his thing. While I feel I would be open to it if I were single, like Toni said, I’m not typically approached by non-black men, and for some reason it just feels like they’re being friendly, not tryna holla. And it’s not that I’ve NEVER been attracted to one but it’s rare, very rare.
I try to hold back on my personal feelings about it because they vary from person to person. My redhead friend & neighbor loves black men (and women) and I really don’t have a problem with it. Same goes for my half white & half Latina friend of over a decade now whose marring a black man actually born in Africa. But I can’t say it doesn’t irk me when I see other interracial couples…I know, its very hypocritical…I’m workin’ on it.
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Remi Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 7:07 am
“I’m not typically approached by non-black men, and for some reason it just feels like they’re being friendly, not tryna holla.”
It’s funny you say this because after I dated a white guy, I realized their approach is totally different than a black man’s. The guy I dated, I thought he was just trying to be friendly and I never thought he was trying to date me. He sat next to me in Property class, and he would talk to me and just seemed like he was just being friendly. When we finally talked about it, he explained that was his way of showing his interest. He figured by sitting next to me in class he had the whole semester to chat me up and work his game. He had actually noticed me since the prior semester in another class, but he never got the chance to talk to me. I know other women who have dated white guys have had similar experiences. So I guess their approach can be different. It’s not as obvious.
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_LiveLoveLearn Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 10:53 am
Co-sign on this. I never thought about it before but maybe they do have another approach. I’ve been approached by several different white men (drunk and sober). The ones I’ve dated approached me in school, were friendly at first, and then asked me out. In fact I didn’t even realize that I was on a date with the latest one until we were out (as silly as that sounds). He’d basically asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and some of his frat brothers. Didn’t realize that was a date until he started holding my hand. lol. So, I guess that’s something to think about when considering whether guys of different races are interested…
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R.A.G Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Cosign 100%. That’s how my daddy got my mommy =)
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Like Shay said earlier, I’m a young ‘un at the ripe old age of 18 but I’m compelled to comment with the grown folk as well.
First off: No I haven’t dated outside of my race.
I live in Baltimore County where the area is pretty much 85% Black with other races living in nearby counties. The most contact I’ve had with other cultures and races was back in high school where I had/have Black, White, South American, Jamaican, and Asian friends who do date amongst each other with their own people and with their Black brothers and sisters. The only reason I haven’t dated outside of my race beyond the lack of well -diversity- is because I’m still in a relationship with my first boyfriend from last year who just happens to be Black *kanye shrug*.
Second: Yes I definitely would date outside of my own people.
I see a person first before I see a race or color. Does that mean I see the world with color blind specs on? No. But race/color for me is not a deciding factor because I’m attracted to all colors be they Black, Brown, Red, Yellow, or White. The first things I notice are:
1. IQ/Personality
I can’t date a person who can’t have an intelligent conversation beyond ‘Who’s better Soulja Boy, Drake, or Lil Wayne?’ *cough* all three blow chunks *cough* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ja6A3KfQokE these guys make them sound like 2 year olds trying to rap. Nor can I date someone with the personality of mud. I would like to find someone who is open to new things beyond the familiar, as well as someone who can tell a decent joke or knows what’s happening in the world.
2. Looks
Yeah I know it’s superficial. A guy doesn’t have to be a 10 or even a 6.5, but it’s a plus.
3. Religion
I don’t mind if someone’s an atheist, but I’d like for the person to believe in something be it Buddha, Jesus, Jehovah (This one is stretching it. Jehovah Witnesses are a little extra), Allah, Yahweh, or whatever. In the same light I can’t date or marry a religious nut job who is ‘Holier than thou art.’ and will try to ram their views down my throat. I don’t care about what the religion is because all faiths teach the same principles in my eyes with ‘thou shalt not steal; covet your neighbor’s wife/husband; cheat on your spouse; murder; worship inanimate objects/people; speak _____’s name in vain; remember the day of worship; don’t worship gods outside of your religion; respect your parents; don’t bear false witness.’ The only difference is in the method of practice i.e. Sunday/Saturday; morning/noon/night; holidays. I believe that God is in all religions and faiths; the only difference is in the human languages be they Hebrew, Arabic, or English. With or without the institution of religion, a good person is a good person regardless.
4. Last: Race
*sings Black or White* Thank you MJ for writing this.
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I’ve only ever dated one White man in my life and I didn’t really want to do it. While I have no problem with interracial dating for other people, it’s not something I was ever interested in for myself. I made an exception in this case because the man approached me on a very respectful level and he was what I call a “righteous” White person.
Anyway, long story short, I found that – beyond my intellectual objections to dating a white man – I had a visceral reaction to his whiteness. Every time I touched his silky hair something in my mind screamed “this is just wrong!”. The thought of cooking for him or um, servicing him in certain ways felt like slavery to me. And although he treated me about a billion times better than any Black man ever has, it just depressed me that I had to “resort” to dating a White man to get that kind of treatment.
Now I’m firmly back on team “I don’t date outside of my race”. I realize that my aversion to it is not something that I can rationalize my way out of. But I have noticed a lot lately that people have been looking at me like I’m some kind of prehistoric creature when I say only date Black men. Kind of like – they still make you?!?
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J-Full.net Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 7:11 am
i feel you, if I were to date a white woman every time we’d bone I’d feel like I was somehow losing. She’s living out her “sneaking to the slave house” fantasy.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 1:54 pm
I’m sure the pretty girl with pearls, #noAKA, I messed with one time was living out her “Mandigo Slave, Eff Ox” fantasy. Did I care? Nope.
I was in the Sexual Olympics and won a gold for the Black race that night.
::cue The Black National Anthem::
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RightCoastLexSteele Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
::Standing in his office w/ head bowed and one gloved fist to the sky::
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 8:33 am
I’m not mad at ya. I feel like I would have a similar reaction and feeling. Sometimes, I tell myself I should work on it. Other times, I’m like, do I really have to? *shrugs*
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 9:41 am
LMAO! Max is so honest.
SMH @ the thought of you sucking off Massa, like there are plantations in Canada.
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max Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
LOl CHeeKZ this is why I can get away with using euphemisms like “servicing” – I can count on you to bring the explicit every time.
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Tru Reply:
April 15th, 2010 at 5:03 am
*QUOTE* “The thought of cooking for him or um, servicing him in certain ways felt like slavery to me” – Max
I’m sorry, I had to quote this. That statement was beyond opinion and not even close to open-minded diversity. How could you even THINK that way FEEL that way? Smh… Listen, this is 20 F’N 10. We are not stuck back in the times of an era where bringing a culture of people into a harsh world of inhumane events. Those days are over and infact we are living history that Dr. King’s dream has finally emerged. Have we not voted in the first black president of the united states? Is this not a symbol of revolution? Redemption even from the harsh past that have been followed just to get THIS far?
Perhaps not redemption… Slavery was by far one of the most sickening eras of our human history. But you and me are not apart of that generation but infact a slavery each of us who unfortunately share together. And what I exactly mean by that is the dollars that you earn and spend. Without it, you or me would be unfortune to the poverished society.
I’m going off topic here. But that statement made my blood boil a little bit… In what way could you think how that made you feel? You obviously cooked a meal for a special occassion of some sort. Were you sent to a unfurnished cavern of hardwood floors without a bed to sleep on? Were you given orders to such acts that would have demoralized you? I doubt very much that you were Mrs. I would have respected your statement if you had said as much as “I’m just not into white-men.” But to pretend that because of a simple meal you cooked could have inadvertadely triggered a thought of slavery is rediculous. Offensive even. I’m sure the gentlemen followed through as a gentlemen and if not, the statement was still not deserved unless otherwise he was a racist towards you. Even still that cant conclude for you to feel that way towards a whiteman relationship or not.
For the record, inter-racial dating is beautiful as much as its looked at as a taboo for most folks in todays society even. We’re barely over the “hump” to get passed our not so much “differences”. BUt, we shall all get there, with or without those who cannot look outside the box. I love black women and black women love me (just not you Max, cant win’em all) and I do it on preference and natural attraction. I hold no prejudice against any other ethnicity, however black women are what I’ve been into. I see no color.
Max, you have a great and prosperous life. I do hope you see past that wall you have infront of you. Godbless.
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Miss Jenkins… you read my mind!!!!
I was catching up on Private Practice last night and I was wow… ABC really has an agenda. It’s not just PP. It’s Grey’s Anatomy and the Deep End. (IF) a Black person plays a pivotal role on any of these shows, they are never if ever in a healthy relationship or paired with a Black love interest.
Maybe TV is trying to #helpasistaout by normalizing this behavior. I have recently found myself very attracted to a white dude. Although he’s very unavailable, I can’t help but think, “What if?” Very seldom do you actually find White men who would consider a Black women as a viable candidate, outside of some weird sexual fetish.
So, on the one hand: I don’t like it. I think Black people need to see examples of healthy Black-on-Black relationships. On the other hand: If times really are as bleak as they say… Imma need White Dudes to stop avoiding me like the plague. I’m tall. Hispanics and Asians usually don’t cut it.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 7:05 am
…Imma need White Dudes to stop avoiding me like the plague”
I would love to hear a White male perspective on this dating-black-women thing. Maybe I should ask some of my classmates. *looks left at Jim*
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Slim Jackson Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 7:08 am
I hope you’re not in class right now.
I know a couple white guys who can tell you all about their adventures with black women. You sure you want that perspective? lol.
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SmileAfroChild Reply:
March 9th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Why yes, sir.. I believe we do.
^_-
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I’m glad you broached this subject for the masses. I don’t think one gender has a greater propensity for interracial dating than the other. I just think women are more vocal about it. You know, kinda just like with every other topic… lol Allow me to quote my younger brother who commented on the idea of interracial dating: “P*ssy is p*ssy and love is love.”
Have you ever dated someone of a different race? Why or why not?
Yes I have and more than once. I did it because they were attractive and our personalities “clicked.” Surprised? I hope not…
What are your concerns, if any?
No concerns.
Are you open to the idea?
Yes.
Have you noticed a difference in the number of interracial couples you see either on TV, in the media, or in real life?
I don’t watch TV but I’ve always noticed interracial couples in real life. I never cared enough to quantify or count though.
Is it more acceptable for a Black man, or a Black woman to date outside of their race? Why’s that?
To me it doesn’t matter who dates who.
Is it just me or is there this twisted sense of racial loyalty
/obligationthat a bunch of Black people seem to be infatuated with when it comes to finding a mate? Stupid if you ask me… It’s one thing to not be attracted to people of other races. It’s another to feel one dating outside of a race is being disloyal.To me this is just about the same thing as debating if one should friend someone of another race, you know? Over the time period of dating, isn’t it likely the person would become your friend? lol
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I was taught practically from the womb that I better not bring home no white woman. There are more than enough wonderful Black women to choose from. So at 25 I haven’t dated outside my race can’t say I plan on it either. I think an issue for me is where i often meet white women. When i’m in the club the white women are all over me often brazenly right in front of my woman. But on campus they acting like a nigga in a peacoat with 50 pounds of books on his back is gonna attack them. The difference in the situations IMO is in the club they can reasonably expect to get laid, so their Black man fetishes kick in. Maybe if I were to meet a fly ass white girl in the library or something I’d be more inclined to date one. As far as Black women go, I try not to tell them what they should do because I’m speaking from a position of privilege in the dating world. I don’t care if they date interracially but i’ll admit almost any black man hates when they see a fly ass black chick with a dude from Revenge of the Nerds. But I also have the “I’m done with Black men” female friends. They equate all their past relationship ills to the man being black and not to more salient issues like perhaps his youth. I guess they expect for the white knight to come charging on his trusty steed to come rescue the poor black woman and live happily ever after. I bet white men are loving this nonsense. Sounds like White Man’s Burden all over again. Where’s Kipling so I can slap him?!
J-Full “from da A”
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MeteorMan Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 7:17 am
I don’t care if they date interracially but i’ll admit almost any black man hates when they see a fly ass black chick with a dude from Revenge of the Nerds.
Yeah, but I don’t think this is race specific. Most guys will feel the same way if she walked in with an Urkel type looking dude too. lol
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SmileAfroChild Reply:
March 9th, 2010 at 9:11 am
Thank you for manning up when you said you “speak from a position of privilege”. *Katow* to you sir.
LMAO @ almost any black man hates when they see a fly ass black chick with a dude from Revenge of the Nerds
I do think there is a bit more vehemence when an attractive Black woman or man is dating outside of their race. If they were with a “womp womp” kind of black person, then the hatas onlookers feel that they could compete because that cat is in the same leauge. But if I see brotha man with Cindy, then there is almost a mental invisible field around him. “How can I compete?” is almost the sentiment.
Personally, if the relationship is enriching, I’ll become colorblind in a heartbeat.
But I am addicted to chocolate, though.
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I have been seeing tv push the interracial goodness upon the masses. Even in random commercials I’m starting to see it more.
I have dated outside of my race. I’ve been to a few continents—each with their own exotic features. To me, it was always about the person and not just their level of tintyness. You know what I find funny though? I know a good number of Black women who used to date or mess with a White guy, and they get furious when they see a decent-looking Black guy dating a White girl despite the fact they have no interest in that particular Black guy. I’m laughing heartily at the thought this morning.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 8:08 am
You know, this blog pushes the goodness too in those ads on the side. I blame you Slim.
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max Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 8:24 am
Interestingly, I find the reverse to be true. I know a whole heap of Black guys that wouldn’t touch a Black woman with a 10-foot pole (we’re too much trouble and we have an attitude problem apparently) but let a Black woman be walking in the street with a White guy and they’re all up in arms.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Maybe it’s a Canadian thing.lol. I don’t know any dudes like that. That is interesting.
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R.A.G Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
shiiiiii, I do
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SmileAfroChild Reply:
March 9th, 2010 at 9:20 am
Co-muthaFUNKing-sign!
Whilst out walking with my homeboy Bradley on campus, a 6′sexy lacrosse player with a dazzling smile, we encounter the speculation of many a brotha. One onlooker as bold as to say “tired of the dark meat?” in my face.
What do you make of that?
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It does seem like everywhere I turn nowadays the media seems to be encouraging black women to date interracially. Not a bad thing, just something I have noticed recently with everyone and their grandfather adding their two cents about black women’s love lives. I remember after Monster’s Ball (I hated that damn movie) came out, I had a slew of white guys approach me, and it was really interesting to say the least.
I have dated a white guy once. We went to law school together and although we are not still dating, we still talk every once in a while. He’s a nice guy, but we couldn’t be together. He slipped up and made a really bad joke about how he wished it were still slavery so he did not have to compete with black people and women and I was done. More men of other races than black men actually approach me especially when I go back home to Rhode Island. I find that a lot of black men don’t find me attractive, especially now that I have locs. Yet black men who I know still hate seeing a black woman with a white man. When my current SO found out I had dated a white guy, he was sooo upset, even though he has dated white women. I found that interesting.
However, although I’m open to dating outside of my race, I still prefer black men. There are certain things that I feel like I miss out on being with a white man. They seem to be pushovers when it comes to black women (from what I have witnessed in other IR relationships and my own experience) and that’s a turn off. I don’t want to be with someone I can dominate so easily, but who knows what the future holds. I would never completely exclude anyone from my dating prospects because of race or ethnicity.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 8:05 am
He’s a nice guy, but we couldn’t be together. He slipped up and made a really bad joke about how he wished it were still slavery so he did not have to compete with black people and women and I was done.
This is my concern. I’m too quick on the draw to have a man making slip ups of this kind. Plus I have lots of stuff to say about white folks, so I don’t want either of us to feel like we can’t be less of ourselves just so we don’t offend each other.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 10:10 am
LOL @ the white boy getting to comfortable
LMAO @ Miss Jenkins. Why do you hate dem 2520s so much. I have never seen you say a good thing about a white person, EVER.
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R.A.G Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
I needn’t remind any of y’all that black men (& women) say outlandish, hateful & disrespectful things all the time… but I digress. On to my story:
When my white dad went to meet my black mom’s fam for the 1st time, he asked her where the pickaninnies were (referring to her 11 younger bros & sisters)… “WTF!?!?!” rt? Ehhhh… call it naivety, ignorance, whatever u like… fact of the matter was that my dad had no idea that it was a derogatory term & my mother made it VERY clear to him that it was. Why would a man (black or white) who loves a woman say something that would ultimately hurt her or hers? Maybe ppl shouldnt be so easy to offend & quick to dismiss.
For anybody who has the pleasure of meeting my mom, they would know that she is the epitome of black power & has an extreme distaste for the general white population. She won’t hesitate even a second to put a billy in his place, but honestly, her & my dad’s lives have not been a constant history lesson. Even if it were, that wasn’t a burden my mom was too proud to bear – he was her “One” & they’ve been married for 33 yrs. Ppl sometimes do need to be checked, but perhaps that says more about our society than the hearts, minds, & intentions of individuals.
I def don’t mean to say above dude’s comment wasn’t hateful & tacky as hell… he’s a bonafide idiot for saying something that disrespectful to a black woman he was trying to get to know. Glad Remi dropped him. White privilege has blinded folks, & racists, especially, need not even apply… but not all white ppl have that hate in their hearts, & if they really want a blk person, they r probably willing to be re-educated.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 4:14 pm
So if I meet your Dad can I ask where his “pickaninnies” are at? Or call him Massa?
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R.A.G Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Nah he wouldn’t get it, & u’d piss off my mom…
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I just did a post on this today too at The Book of Jackson.
http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com/2010/03/interracial-dating-reminder.html
In other news, I think that people should who only date within their race are type racist towards others. I mean if it’s only a preference, I guess, but if you are like, oh no I can’t date a white person, IMO you’re no different than a white man who says oh I can’t hire a black man. I mean what type of world do we live in when people are still hating on someone dating outside their race? Come on it’s 2010, not 1810.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 10:12 am
Co-Sign.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 10:15 am
hmm…I dunno about that analogy. Comparing hiring and dating is like comparing apples and bananas. One has way more of a chance of affecting a larger group of people who will be looking to get the job. White men everywhere will not be hurt or disadvantaged if I say I don’t want to date White men.
But like you said, if its only about preferences, what makes the person who won’t hire a black person because of preference (cuz you know they will deny being racist) any different than someone who won’t date outside of their race b/c of preference?
What if the person who said “oh no I can’t date a white person” said its only b/c of preference, and not some “racist” belief?
Just trying to understand your line of thinking…
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:07 am
“White men everywhere will not be hurt or disadvantaged if I say I don’t want to date White men.”
But if you broke them off with some of your black licorice flavored scooby snack maybe they would hire more brothers and vote democrat. There was a study showing this somewhere….
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RightCoastLexSteele Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:12 am
The fate of the world rest between your legs. So please….put out. Grazi.
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SmileAfroChild Reply:
March 9th, 2010 at 9:26 am
Minus 10.
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Dr. J (@DrJayJack) Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:17 am
I mean if that’s their preference it still strikes me the wrong way, but i’m not gonna call them racist.
A black chick who says, “Oh no I can’t date a white man.” I don’t even get upset, I laugh.
Black women can’t find a date in the Black community and now they getting picky? Hilarious.
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N.I.A.naturally Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:25 am
Black women can’t find a date in the Black community and now they getting picky? Hilarious.
Don’t let the WaPo fool you. We are are dating black men, some of us (42%)just aren’t getting married to these black men, which is another issue concerning the black community as a whole, not just black women. WaPo isn’t going delve any deeper into that.
Black men are out there, and they aren’t all trying to kick at the International House of Pancakes.
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Dr. J (@DrJayJack) Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:38 am
False. It’s not just the WaPo. It’s every possible source known to man. So either as a collective Black women have to stop saying they can’t find a Black man to date, or take them seriously, (Maybe we should define date), or maybe they should start opening up their dating pool.
Newspapers, Magazines, online blogs and commentary is always saying, Black women can’t find good Black men to date. Yet they are sitting there vehemently against interracial dating.
And i’m not throwing chair i’m just being real. Some guys have a serious problem with that and that’s why they don’t actively go after Black women. They want something, but then they want to tell you how you have to give it to them. That sounds weird to me.
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MeteorMan Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:42 am
And i’m not throwing chair i’m just being real.
“And I’m just sayin’ you don’t even have to hit anyone wit’ the chair. And niccas will STILL start wildin’ out”
Ok. I’m done. lol
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N.I.A.naturally Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Ok, I can only speak for myself when I say, I think all of the media hype of the “poor single black woman” is full of shyt!! So, when I see black men like you make generalized statements based on all of this, and when I hear black women go on and on about the lack of good black men, I roll my eyes, and think that it’s all BS. When you’re told enough negative things about yourself, you begin to believe it, even when there is evidence in front of you to the contrary.
I’ve dated good black men, but things just didn’t work out. you lose some, you win some… I also have single good black male friends, and they all want to be in relationships with black women. They may find a white lady attractive, or a mexican lady hot, but they want to build a relationship with a black woman.
Black women do not have to start IR dating if they don’t want to IR date. We don’t NEED to do this. we have African men, Af-Am men, Carribean, South American, BBB(black British Brothas). If you want to IR date, then go for it. You meet a young lady or young man who treats you well, and he/she isn’t black, go for it. But don’t tell me I have to date IR or I NEED to consider it just b/c the white media, in conjuction with the black blogosphere, has jumped on this juicy, emotional story about the poor pathetic black woman, the the poor pathetic black men in the dating pool.(this is how I see it. they’re taking shots at black men and black women).
God, I can’t wait until a black athlete or entertainer commits some type of crime. Then, maybe we can stop talking about this….
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ASmith Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Black women do not have to start IR dating if they don’t want to IR date. We don’t NEED to do this.
THIS!!!
This topic will not die until we stop believing the hype. As long as a woman can get a movie deal off a book she ain’t even wrote yet on this topic, this will always be what we talk about when we have nothing else to talk about.
It’s a damn shame, cause it’s a bunch of lies and misinformation that folks are spouting off as gospel.
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Dr. J (@DrJayJack) Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Enn… I don’t think my statement was a generalization. I think that it’s based on what i’ve heard from Black women. Now be careful about thinking that you define the Black woman. You might be a #1 stunna and you never have a problem finding a date. Trust me, I know a lot of herbs. I know a lot of women who know me and will tell me, J you can find dates because you don’t think like most of these knuckleheads out here. But I am not going to use myself for the average mid twenties successful buppie in the US. That’s just not smart.
I agree with some of your points. You can’t defeat yourself or your race, that’s just stupid. And I am not saying you NEED to do anything. I’m saying, maybe you should try. Or maybe it seems a little off that if you aren’t finding any dates inside your race, maybe you should open your dating pool. To be perfectly honest, that’s just food for thought, eat it or don’t, I was going to cook it anyway.
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N.I.A.naturally Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Ok, I can only speak for myself when I say, I think all of the media hype of the “poor single black woman” is full of shyt!! This was my first sentence… That entire comment was how I see things. I define myself for myself, and I would hope other black women do the same.
And, I didn’t think you were saying we NEEDED to date interracially, but the option seems to be forced down our throats by some people as a cure all for any relationship issues any black women have from dating black men.
No, I’m not the #1 stunna, I just choose not to believe the hype.
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R.A.G Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Maybe ppl r just “perceiving” it as being forced, when it is merely a suggestion or a conversation. These stats have been around for decades, & the # of IR offspring (along w/ the # of blk unwed mothers) has been steadily increasing since the 70s/80s (when ppl really decided to pay attn). I feel like the media is maaaaaaaad late on the subject, & hollywood has finally gotten the guts to represent it.
I feel u N.I.A., so like I always tell my girls: me, u, we may not be the statistics, & if we feel as tho we rn’t losing, then the hype doesn’t apply & keep it moving. Who friggin cares!!! If ya don’t believe in it, keep ur head up high & keep doing u. Some women, sorry to say, DO need to reevaluate tho…mad women have no clue who they are or who they want, & in successfully reevaluating their perspectives, to whatever conclusion they ultimately subscribe, more power to them too.
Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Oh Dr. Jay, you too have tasted the kool-aid. Just because the media runs with something doesn’t make it more true…it just makes it more exposed, and exaggerates the “problem.” I have been reading way more blogs and posts by black women who are saying they are not the crying-shame women allegedly being hyped up in the media…Even Helena Andrews herself said the article was misrepresentative of her overall dating sentiment, and misrepresented her book. And I have written here, I don’t “blame” anyone for my singleness. Most of the women I run with are the same way.
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Dr. J (@DrJayJack) Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
I was trying to let NIA have it and walk away.
I have not tasted any Kool-Aid, IMBNMHO (In my by no means humble opinion), I think that Black women can’t find a date because of Black women. Not because of Black men or any other type of man. I think they would be finding a lot more dates if they looked in the mirror instead of the window.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Co-sign.
YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
and if you get mad at what I am saying…
you are only proving that you are the problem.
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R.A.G Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 4:23 pm
Nah I think WE ALL the problem… the shifting of cultural norms, clashing values & passive acceptance of what used to be considered disrespect. I’d say that step 1 to finding mates is to surround urself w/ ppl who share ur ideals, or even challenge them, but in a healthy way.
But really tho, I think it’s funny that ppl like to hash it out over things they don’t believe in or agree w/. If it doesn’t reflect or affect u why do u even care? & to the degree of making it personal? (But then what would we blog about =P)
For those who remain offended & don’t like being misrepresented, do something about it. For example, go out into the communities from where these (very real) statistics hail & start teaching abstinence or safe sex to all our black teenagers having babies. If we don’t want the statistics to represent us we have to change them… that’s just one example, but we’re all smart ppl & could think of more. But that leads me to my next question: while there’s a whole lot of complaining, who’s willing to act?
Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 3:48 pm
Alright there buddies, let’s all take it down a notch.
I don’t know if you missed what I was saying, but I don’t think black men are the problem either…Nor was I trying to remove the blame from the individual Black women who cry wolf and all that. I’m all about self reflection and figuring out why one can’t-get-right. Relationship issues are about the individuals in the relationship, not groups of people.
And CHeeKZ, my dear, I’m no one’s problem but my own. Not mad, #justsayin.
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RightCoastLexSteele Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:26 am
Very hilarious. Hilarious indeed.
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I think that shows like this are a good idea. I generally believe that more variety in the way the movies and stories are constructed are a good thing. I think historically, television has shown us same race relationships and pretty much continue to do so to date. In a sense, they are/have been teaching us that those are the only types of relationships we should have. I think this show is diversifying the television landscape a bit.
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I’ve dated outside of my race, and I don’t have any intention of doing so. Why? I’m just not interested, and I haven’t bought into all of the crap they keep feeding us about ourselves. I love black men. I think they are the best in the world
whether they think that way about me or not. I want to marry a black man, have black children, and raise the next generation of amazing black people.I have noticed an upswing in interracial relationships on television. But, I’ve also noticed an increase in the number of interrracial couples in real life. All BM/WW relationships, and they are mostly young, college people. It almost seems it has become the new “new” thing to do in my city. I’m not mad at it, but I know what I want.
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Toni Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:46 am
“I’m not mad at it, but I know what I want.”
Word!
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I have dated someone outside of my race. That “why” question is interesting… I don’t have a why. I just did. No political agenda, wasn’t trying to prove anything, didn’t hate black men (still don’t — love me some black men)… In fact, I judge people who have a “why” outside of “I liked him/her and s/he liked me, too…”
I don’t have an issue with interracial dating. I don’t think it’s a social movement to be forced upon the masses (side eye to ABC and WaPo) nor do I think it’s a nasty trend that needs to be taken out back and shot. I think people oughta date whoever the hell they’re attracted to and the rest of us could consider being supportive. You know — it’s not for me, but you carry on, type thing
The real issue I take with the way interracial relationships are portrayed in the media is that no one discusses the race angle and how it affects the relationship. You can’t be in an IR and not talk about race. They don’t address it because it’s awkward, but hey — that’s what happens when you jump in things like this. Awkward city.
As a slightly off topic point — I think black women get a real bad rap for hating on black men for dating interracially, but… black men do that mess, too. I’m here to tell you all.about.it.
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MeteorMan Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 10:10 am
Co-sign. Your 2nd paragraph is where it’s at…
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I’m about 60% sold on interracial dating, it’s pretty accepted in my family. I’m Jamaica and I chill with my Uncles white wife like she is a total aunty, they’ve been happily married for many many years so I know first hand that it can work. I would look at dating black men as a preference but not an absolute. I’ve dating Spanish men in the past (Dominican and Honduran), I’ve never dated a white guy seriously, but I went to PWI so I’ve tested the waters (not like that).
I think nowadays it is getting more acceptable for black women to date outside there race. A few months back I was having lunch with a Jewish senior manager from my firm who went on and on about how beautiful her best friend is (she black) but she refuses to date white men even though they approach her quite often, then she told me I should definite date outside my race.
I think like a few other commenter’s have stated, when a white guy comes on to you, the approach is so different it can completely go over your head sometimes. Also another weird thing for me is I have awful gaydar when it comes to white men. I once talked to a friend of a friend for hours at the bar assuming he was gay (he was a fashion photographer) and later on my friend told me he wasn’t, I just can never tell especially in NY where men can take the metro look a bit far.
I only watch reality TV and Family Guy so I can’t comment on the shows mentioned in this post (#dontjudgeme).
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I thought I was the only one who noticed what was going on in Private Practice.
Anyhoo- I’ve have dated white men before and I’ll probably date them again. Absolutely nothing against black men but I don’t have a preference one way or another. I’m looking for a good fit for me and if that includes Morris Chestnut I’m down but if it includes Simon Baker- trust I’m down too. And no J-full… I don’t do revenge of the nerds.
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I apoligize if what I’m about to ask has already been said.
For the black women: how many times have u been approached by non-black men?
I think it’s interesting that this is being posed as black women need to date outside their race. The white males that I live with approach this idea as a joke, or an adventure. Has anyone experienced this?
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 10:57 am
I have been approached twice by white guys. I was actually close to giving one white dude my number until he made an analogy to crips and bloods during the first 10 minutes of our conversation. I gave him the O_o, laughed it off and continued to entertain the convo but ended the fantasy there.
I have heard that Black women are adventures. Like wild safaris and mountain climbing and such. Mt. Kilimanjaro over here baby.
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Dot Dot Dot Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:12 am
“I was actually close to giving one white dude my number until he made an analogy to crips and bloods during the first 10 minutes of our conversation.”
I had the EXACT same conversation with a 2520 like 2 weeks ago! I think he was trying to impress me or something…
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 10:58 am
I chill with ‘hip hop’ influenced 2520s. They do it on the regular. They love the way you look. And they have had their hearts crushed. They just aren’t use to our dating ‘rules’.
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N.I.A.naturally Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:06 am
Never been approached by white guys, but the Middle Eastern brethren seem to love me. Tried to date a guy from Saudi Arabia my first year of law school. We were better as friends…
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:21 am
I must say, there are a few Middle Eastern men at my school who give a second look all the time…they are so cute.
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Renee Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:44 am
I’ve been approached quite a few times by a mixture, the one I was feeling the most was a guy from Long Island when I was in college. Then there are the European men who come on a bit too strong for me. Also, there are the drunk white guys in the bar who figures he’ll try to see if he can bang the black chick. Lastly, I was once picked up hard by a 50 year old VP from deutsche Bank (skeevy).
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
” was once picked up hard by a 50 year old VP from deutsche Bank (skeevy).”
I swear I know this dude! I swear!
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Renee Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Lol does he live is the Weschester / Metro North area?
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Ash Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
White men in Atlanta wink and roll down their windows at me all the time riding down Peachtree. This, I equate with the “safari/adventure” attitude. Cute chocolate girl with big hair and pretty teeth, I mean, if they’re gonna walk on the wild side, I’m not a bad option! LOL!
I’ve been on a date with one white guy (he thought he was other, but..he was white. Half Italian/Half white Jamaican = white). He was cool at first. I never kissed him though. Not cause of his whiteness, but because of his eventual lameness.
I’ve seen white men give me a second look and had them send over drinks at the bar. None of them have actually been brave enough to ask for the digits or a date though…I’m open to it. Black men don’t limit themselves, why should I?
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SaneN85 Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
I always have white men of all ages that flirt with me while I’m at work, or out and about. If one does ask me out or for my number, they do it in a joking sort of way, out of their fear of being rejected I guess. For the most part though, only the ones who have at least a decade on me will seriously come out and ask me for my number or out on a date. Actually, that’s not true. The ones that are all “thugged out” ask me out all the time. My day job shares a parking lot with the Department of Corrections, so all the white boys on probation love to holla when I go out to smoke. I hear a lot of interesting stories about why folks are on probation.
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I’ve gotten a few Flips and Latinos in high school. I missed out on some freaks in college by being scary time. But lets be honest, when we say IR we mean white girls.
My dating is a little limited. One chick liked me, but I was real young (13) and really wasn’t the ragging liberal willing to stand up the masses that I am now. I was scared the older black people would make fun of me, they already tormented me b/c i was a Chi Bulls fan and I couldn’t go though more ridicule (high school kids are ruthless). She was older and thick too.
So I never dated a 2520, BUT I HAVE SMASHED A HANDFUL! Its funny, b/c when I told wifey she got tight! Like I had been violated, like I had no self respect for myself. I see alot of this stuff in the pornye industry (I am getting off topic but I’ll tie it all in at the end), some people are disgusting to see their favorite female star let the enemy use and violate them. However, taboo means more money in the industry and in turn has made IR love into a big money niche genre. You tend to see some disturbing IR fantasy movies (like a black girl getting a bukkake on top of a confederate flag or a white girl being robbed and r@ped, until she realizes… that she wanted it).
No one wants to see their pride and joy defiled by the enemy. But why are they the enemy. Black people have way more issues about race that they have to work on.
I know white boys that would love a sista, but they say black women act horrible. They talk down to them and cheat alot (we all know the story of what happened when Eminem tried to date a black girl). I think black woman have such a problem with it b/c they are known to bring baggage into a relationship. How can you bring 400 years of slavery into a relationship and expect it to work?!? I have said many times, I pride myself on being able to make a relationship work with anybody b/c I know how to stick to basics, K.I.S.S., communicate, and love. As long as the person sucks of me and has a booty, I’m happy. I love a person for who they are, and being black is really just a infinitely small part of her puzzle.
I would also like to point out that right next to my girl, the three best gfs I have EVER seen were white. SUPPORTIVE! They go to levels for their man, I mean DAMN. Cooking, Cleaning, Loving. Working well with his freinds. Team Players. No attitude. Top notch! Loyal to a fault. Amazing, AND THEY CAN HOOK A STEAK UP! (Slim am I lying?)
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The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele LLC, Destined for Greatness Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:04 am
“I see alot of this stuff in the pornye industry (I am getting off topic but I’ll tie it all in at the end), some people are disgusting to see their favorite female star let the enemy use and violate them.”
i.e Jada Fire getting smashed on Brazzers…
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:05 am
The last paragraph is filled with the kind of assumptions that the Black men who exclusively date White women make about Black women based on the 2 or 3 they have dated (and probably screwed over). I was talking to Black male friend of mine who pointed out that when people make those sort of character assumptions about people, its like, really though? Have you dated every single black (man or woman) out there? #gtfoh
I much more respect the individual character judgments that are not based on blanket assumptions based on very little experience.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:32 am
Why are you going in on me? I didn’t knock you up and skip town on the child support
#noseattle
As I said, NEXT to my GF, these are the best GF I have ever seen. There is nothing wrong with taking my experiences and adding them to the equation. I didn’t say it was a rule, and even if I did I offered an exception to the rule. People have when they make sweeping generalizations about their demographic that is unflattering, but you didn’t have a problem with me saying your scooby snack taste better than a 2520 did you?!? Have a tasted every scooby snack in the world? Not yet. But we have ENOUGH of a sample size to make a point.
I would like to point out that I never said EVERY snow bunny is an amazing gf. I simply stated that if we made a Mt Rushmore of Gfs, IMHO, my gf would be the only sister on there. Haven’t seen EVERY GF, but you know I have seen alot. And we should stop point the finger at the ninja that said the assumption and instead point the finger @ the many black woman who didn’t make the top five list.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
I wasn’t going in on you boo, just the sentiments you expressed. I took it and broadened it b/c I have heard that same stuff before, that’s.
#dontgetsensitiveonme
And yep, we should point the finger at those particular and individual Black women, not Black women as a whole based on their foolish ways. I know I like a clean home, and I love steak (ll) so I bet I keeps a clean home and can cook up a steak…and whence I get boo’d up, he too will enjoy those thangs and more…yes the scooby snacks as well…lol
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Seattle Washington Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
…I’m still on the move like Carmen Sandiego.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
I know where you stay..
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To me it does not matter what color the guy is as long as he treats me with respect.
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Y’all better go on and snatch you up these good white men and stop bullsh*ttin’! Out here hungry talkin’ bout, “I don’t like bread, do you have any bagels?” NO we don’t got no more goddamn bagels! Here’s some bread and some Miracle Whip. Eat.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 11:35 am
***Walking down an all white hallway. All I see is a bright light at the end.***
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Ash Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Hahahaaaaaaaaa! This made me laugh more than what is appropriate…
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i was also thinking the same thing while watching this past week’s episode of private practice. i actually like the show better than greys anatomy now. who would have thought the show would last given that taye diggs is on the cast?
to answer the question, i have never dated outside my race. i think it has a lot to do with my level of attraction. outside of latinas, i simply don’t find other races as appealing as black women. i would certainly be open to the idea of dating outside my race if the right opportunity arose. it would be like haley’s comet though. all the right circumstances would have to happen and all the stars would have to align.
in real life i don’t really see that many interracial couples. don’t let media fool you. ALL of the married black men (i know a lot) that i know are married to black women. i see it on tv WAY more than i see it in my daily life. matter of fact the only interracial couple i know is this black girl who goes to school with me and she has a white boyfriend.
i think its more acceptable for a black woman to date outside her race. most black men i know don’t really care if a woman steps outside her race. based on the fact that black women simply outnumber black men, no one would fault them for finding love elsewhere. when a black man dates outside his race, black women give dirty looks and act like dude spit on her shoes. smh
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N.I.A.naturally Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
I have to tell my sister at least once a week that people really aren’t dating interracially as much as the media would like us to believe. I see a few more young black brothas with white ladies, but all in all, not nearly as much. But then again, I know a lot of black women who are single, dating and happy. Though, you wouldn’t know it by from the media and the blogosphere.
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I was married to the whitest man to ever be white. There were several issues between us that centered around our interracial status. The first and biggest was the fact that I was never really physically attracted to him, his personality was what attracted me to him. It’s not that I’m not attracted to any white men, I just tend to mostly be attracted to black men. It was something he was aware of, despite my efforts to make him feel otherwise. He couldn’t stand the fact that I had only dated black men before and was terribly insecure about it. *cough* penis envy *cough* He was also always terrified about me leaving him for a black man, more specifically one from my past. Ultimately, his insecurities with that started us down a path that led to the destruction of our marriage and sort of became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Another issue we had was that his mother didn’t exactly love the fact that I was black. My family had no issues with it as my sister had already been married to a white man for years. Everyone else in my life definitely have jokes or look down on me for marrying a white man (and still have comments about my sister’s marriage), especially anyone that I have dated since. Luckily, I’m strong enough to not give a damn what other people have to say and witty enough to have a comeback that’ll shut ‘em up real quick.
I’m mostly attracted to black men, and envision myself happily married to a black man with little negro children running around. However, if I met someone of another race who I was attracted to and had the qualities I was looking for, I would be open to that. Why miss out on a good opportunity just because of some ideal of a perfect companion that I have in my head? Even with all the issues it caused for me before. I would just have to make sure he was strong enough to handle it as well this time.
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Sadly, I don’t have time to read all the comments but I had to speak my mind on this one. I have a lot of white friends who are all married etc and have called me racist because I don’t want to be hooked up with any of their non-Black friends.
I do not think I am racist at all; hell my grandfather was an ecky-becky. But I strongly feel that I want to be with a black man for the long haul. I would casually date someone of another race or “hook up” but I wouldn’t want to marry that person.
In my opinion I am hot commodity and I think that commodity should be bestowed upon a deserving black man. I want the whole Clair/Cliff power couple raising a houseful of kids. While this may limit my possibilities or make me be alone a little longer it is a risk I am willing to take. I think when people encourage the “strong black woman” to expand her horizons they are really discrediting black men. Implying that there are not enough of them who are good enough for us. I have faith that there is a black man, who deserves and wants what I have to offer and I am willing to wait for him. When we find eachother it will just make the whole thing that much better. SO I am not ready to give up on the brothers just yet.
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SaneN85 Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Why does willing to take a person of another race seriously as a candidate for lifetime companionship have to equal giving up on black men?
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
I don’t think it does per se but when a black woman says, I can’t find a good man and the response is stop dating black men that is the problem. I am not implying that people who date outside their race have given up on their race at all. I just don’t like the implication that the key to a black woman finding a good man is too look beyond black men. I KNOW there are plenty of good black men out there and I would rather wait for one of them than explore other options.
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I’ve never been in an IR, but I would entertain it. Funny enough, growing up I went to school with a lot of 2520 and up until about gr.10 I was convinced I was gonna be with a 2520 guy. I was very much into alternative music ( I was inLOVE with Kurt Cobain and Gavin Rossdale) and sort of shunned anything relating to blackness. Got made fun of a lot. However, I came to the realization that I’m not the type of black girl that white guys like. IMO white guys are more likely to be attracted to black women who look like them (light-skinned, long hair, light eyes) and I’m the COMPLETE opposite of that (short, darker complexion, natural hair). I’m much more aware of who I attract as I’ve gotten older and I”m ok with that. I’m big with the west-indian crowd. Give me a “freshie” anyday and I’m good to go….LOL. Would I ever date a “regular” 2520? Probably not. I’d be more inclined to date one who was familiar with my culture (like my girl’s hubbie who is the WHITEST Jamaican I know, he’s more Jamaican than me and I was born there!!)
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Eh, I think Interracial Dating is the new Gay. Remember a few years ago when every sitcom/show had a Gay man or a Lesbian woman? Same thing. They’re just mimicking the culture as much as possible and/or not be targeted by advocate groups like “Friends” was. I don’t think there’s an agenda, they’re just harping on the hot topic and portraying what’s happening often now.
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MeteorMan Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Did you just call Interracial Dating gay? lol lmao
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I’ve been approached by men of just about every racial background you can think of and have never been seriously interested. I only have a thing for my beautiful Black men [specifically those that only perfer to be w/ Black women].
Nothing against those that date other races though.
Where I currently reside (near a military base), Black men are attacted to White women like moths to flames of fire.
I watched Private Practice for a little while in the beginning and then stopped for whatever reason but something always told me they were going to go this route w/ the Black couple.
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I went out on a date with one white boy in Highschool. That was the beginning and the end of of my dating experiences outside of my race. Typically, I don’t think white men are attracted to me. I am very fair-skinned. I notice alot of white men go for a darker complexioned black woman for the most part. I am not ruling out dating outside of my race, but as of yet, I haven’t really had the opportunity but should it present itself I would consider it again…..
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To keep it real & honest, I think it’s a force (in regards to Grey’s & PP). EVERY WEEK!?!?! I think that in Private Practice, especially – b/c of Sam & Naomi’s prominent roles – there should be more balance. I think that healthy black on black relationships need to be represented just as much as others, including IR ones. I’m also hoping that they will pick up on the IR variations b/c rt now it’s a little disappointing & tiring lol.
To answer the question tho, I’d do it. & hey, if u want to love me (& u the bomb in my eyes too), I can’t be mad at that
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I haven’t dated interracially but have uh..mixed fluids with 2520, Russian, Uzbek, and half Tajik/Russian. I was in Peace Corps.
I would say the only time I really get disturbed is when the black woman is particularly fine. Other than that, it don’t faze me. What you eatin don’t make me shyt.
I waver on if I could marry interracially. My only physical requirements are curves, which are distributed among women regardless of “race.” Then I realize how much I’m attracted to the dark chocolately black women and realize I’m just BS’in w/ myself about IR marriage.
I think something like 8.3% of black men marry non-black women. That’s not exactly an epidemic and that’s 3x’s the number of black women (~ 2%) so let’s ignore the hyperbole.
Black folks are marrying each other at a good rate. Stand down!
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The black girls i know who usualy date white guys are usually white-wash i.e. they want to be white themselves.
I think more black women need to date Asian men, they’re like Black men only smaller.
In africa we don’t have this problem. Why? Polgamy.
Coming soon … Steaks and Blowjobs Day, March 14th!!
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iLoveit Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
“In Africa we don’t have this problem. Why? Polgamy” I’m confused by this statement. Polygamy is only accepted among certain religions and groups. A great percentage of us are not as accepting of polygamy (as in your husband marrying many wives)esp the new generation.
If you want to call this a “problem”, comparing the dating and marriage situation back home and here are like comparing apples and oranges IMHO.
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The Miracle of Mr. Jones Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
Comparing apples and Oranges, both are still fruits my dear, and make for excellent comparisons.
You said :
Polgamy is only accepted among certain religions and groups.
I say :
Monogamy is only accepted among certain religions and groups.
You said :
A great percentage of us are not accepting of polygamy (as in your husband marrying many wives) esp the new generation.
I say :
Are you speaking for all Africans? Or Post-Imperial, Westernize African women? I do believe Historically Polgamy is an art form practiced by every single culture on earth, since its always been advantageous to have Higher-status males father kids, then “undesirables”. Its actually biblical.
You said:
If you want to call this a “problem”
I say :
Well i didn’t call it a problem, the writer of the article stated it was a problem or an issue to discuss. I presented a solution. If there’s ten black women, and 4 black men in a room, and each of the ladies wants a black man, each has a choice -
She can compete with the other girls for one of the four. Which usually means she’ll invest more then she should to get him, which leads her to getting a cheating bastard (which happens a lot nowadays)
She can be single, which might make her miserable and bitter. (which happens A LOT nowadays)
She can share a guy with another girl, and Iron out an arrangement. (This usually works out in the girls favor)
in my humble opinion
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
March 9th, 2010 at 9:17 am
I didn’t present polygamy or a shortage of anything as a problem in this post…
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As a mixed kid (Black Dad, White Mom) growing up in California and Arizona through the 70′s and 80′s it seemed like depending on who I talked to, no matter what I did was wrong. I remember my sister really getting on my case for not dating enough black women, which was kinda funny when she was married to a Mexican guy. When I got to Seattle it was even worse. It seemed to me (just my point of view) that all of the black/black mixed women that I was interested in were dating white guys. For all of the rest, I just wasn’t black enough. I certainly seemed black enough for the cops, but I guess that’s not the best metric. Just sayin.
It’s not always so easy. Now I’m happily seeing a mixed (PI/White) woman who is about the same age as me and has had a lot of the same experiences as I have. And I’ve got to tell you, it’s refreshing. So I guess I’m kinda advocating for staying within your race? I don’t know. My main goal now is to be happy that I have someone. I’ll just let everyone else decide for themselves. Politics be damned.
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SmileAfroChild Reply:
March 9th, 2010 at 9:37 am
I certainly seemed black enough for the cops, but I guess that’s not the best metric. Just sayin
Yep, that’s black enough. j/p
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When I was younger, I was so pro black man & still am. The difference now is that I may be a little open to the possibilities of finding love outside the black race.
My issues, concern; what is irking the hell out of me is that this stuff is getting nationwide media coverage. Since when did black women being single become an epidemic?! A part of me sees this as a ploy to further divide an already self-destructive race. A way to say, ‘Look black women, black men don’t like you, don’t want you, & won’t marry you. You’re doomed.’ Is this a tactic to fade out the original race by causing more division (that’s the conspiracy theorist in me) & if so, then it must just be cosmetics because everyone on earth has African in them… but I digress. I really do not think there is any kind of “well wishing” or “let us help you out” on the media & Hollywood’s part. It looks like Willie Lynch 2010 to me. (Is it me, my brotha or is it a conspiracy?)
If I find love in a man of another race, it will be just that… LOVE. it won’t be because I feel dogged by black men or believe they aint sh*t. There is nothing like a black man & I refuse to stop my quest because CNN wants me to believe I’ll die an old maid with 20 cats if I don’t.
Not falling for the okie doke…
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Miss Jenkins,
Im glad that you’ve been privy to the interracial dating on private practice, and it does appear that an agenda is trying to be pushed. What I find interesting is the predomination of the one- sided couplings in which white men are dating women of other colors, as if the message is ” you should date outside of your race, but mainly white men.” I have only watched up to season three so i cannot comment on the show currently, just curious if you have noticed this trend as well?
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