Is Ignorance Really Bliss?
Slim presented the cheating conversation from the male perspective. And while I have not addressed it in the same way, I would venture to guess that women cheat too. Don’t act like women don’t find some reason to run out on men too.
But back to the original question. Is ignorance really bliss? It sounds counter-intuitive doesn’t it? Not knowing can be better than knowing. Yeah right. In theory, that sounds about right. If what you don’t know would make you miserable, then maybe you are better off not knowing. But is it okay to be deceived? If your boo is creeping, are you better off knowing that he/she is, or staying in the dark?
Hell naw. I want to know if my boo is dipping in someone else’s chocolate…
Or that he/she is making moves to do so. I would guess that this is the popular view point. People generally don’t want to be left in the dark about what their boo is doing behind someone else’s closed door. But to what lengths should you go to find the dirt? Checking texts messages? Reading emails and MySpace messages? Semi-stalking?
Or would you just hope that he or she would come clean? A comment on the cheating entry suggested that the creeping party keep quiet, as to perpetuate the blissful ignorance. As the person creeping, is this a good idea? Aren’t you creeping for a reason? Why not just break up and leave?
What if you are wrong, and you get caught scrolling through the recent calls?
Nope. I don’t want to know.
Some may call this denial; others may call it wise. If your man and girlfriend is making dates and plans with someone else, but things are still good on the home front, does it make sense to “mess that up” because they want to get a little extra on the side? Is it really a big deal if he/she is still giving you all that you want in a relationship? Or is this not possible because they are splitting their time between you and Keisha or Tyrone (or sometimes both)?
I guess it all comes down to when you’d rather have your poison: on the front end before the stuff really hits the fan, or after some time of deception and lies. In the end, what is done is the dark will come to the light. Right?
Sowhatiff “Sometimes its ok to be ignorant. Syke.” Jenkins
31 Responses to “Is Ignorance Really Bliss?”
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“If your man and girlfriend is making dates and plans with someone else, but things are still good on the home front, does it make sense to “mess that up” because they want to get a little extra on the side?”
WELL! Let’s see here. Even when I was much younger I found myself with the thought “You can cheat, just make sure I don’t know anything about it” and then I get old and I’m like you better not ever and NOW (having met someone I care about deeply) I think I said “Yeah, you can do you. Just don’t disrespect me and don’t let me ever know when you’re doing it”. Well the negro don’t seem to be doing anything…up until today. I’ma find out in a few minutes. Anyways, back to the point. I think I might slightly for the moment think that as long as you do not EVER f*ck my sh*t at home you cool. Now when you do that….I’ma bust the windows out ya car and if you burn my shoes (response I’ve heard) I am going to bust the windows out of your life.
Thank you and have a nice day oh and please don’t call me an angry black woman. Not true…I’m just saying if ANYONE disrespects me…it might be over.
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Heh, this got Ne-Yo’s “Lie to Me” all over it….
I have to agree with Jac, as long as everything is gravy at home I got no problem with what you do. This includes no one I know catching you out there and coming around my way with the news. If you’re really creeping, you better be the 007 of creepers. Because if the home front is shook up, someone is
getting shookthe boot.“Baby I need, desperately, desperately
To believe you
Cause I won’t be held responsible
For what, what I might to do
Tell me another lie…” -Ne-yo
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
What happens if you find out by chance that he is creeping? If everything is still good at home, will you be inclined to act like you don’t know?
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CVal Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
What to do if I find out she’s cheating and everything is still cool at home? I’m gonna have to confront her. I mean, the bliss of ignorance is gone at that point. And if she lies? It’s gonna be a problem, especially if she’s being called out by a homie. No one likes the crew laughing at you…
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“In the end, what is done is the dark will come to the light.”
This is what I live by. And for this reason, I never go through a man’s things. I dated this guy and we had a long distance relationship; I’ve been left at his home for hours on end while he was at work (giving me plenty of time to meddle), around his phone (when he was sleeping) but never went hunting. Don’t get me wrong, I had a suspicion about this man, but I didn’t go looking for the answers. I believe they will be revealed to me when I need to know them.
I don’t condone cheating, I will f**k a man up. I’ve tried to do this once but he wouldn’t bring his punk a&& outside the house…. I’m above breaking into someone’s residence. LOL.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
lol i totally agree with u… my mom says that all the time!
i def feel like if my boo was cheating, i’d find out in one way or another… and i won’t be happy about it. i’d much rather him say that he’s not interested in me and/or he wants to explore other options. thats fine with me… now I have the option to say, “sorry dude, i don’t share!” and move on. the last thing i want is to catch some STD because he’s messing around with fifty (or even one) other chick(s)…
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Girl, RIGHT! I think that is what would drive me the most crazy. STDs are no joke up in through here and condoms don’t protect everything. Crabs jump, people!
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
LOL. Word.
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Ignorance is bliss, but I don’t wanna be that sucka dude that’s out of the loop while his girl is taking her Vitamin D elsewhere. I also believe that if you have a suspicion and search hard enough, you’ll find what you’re looking for…even if the person isn’t really doing anything sketch. I’ve had security breaches of my cell phone, my blackberry, my myspace, my facebook, my email, my sock drawer, my underwear drawer, and my coat pockets. I’ve also had people count the number of condoms I had in my room, and tryna catch em out there by asking how many I thought were in there. Granted, I’ve snooped before. I found what I was looking for and confirmed the facts. Being suspicious and not knowing is the worst. One can really drive him or herself crazy.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Dito!!!….If my so called Mrs. is sucking someone elses proteins, that certainly isn’t cool and nor would I like to be the patsy with female like that draped on my body. I feel if you’re looking else were for the dills or to pum pum conquer that means someone is falling short in the bedroom.
I don’t think it should ever get this far to breach security but I can understand the idea of being human and curious. In my book, if myself and my woman are going down this road of creeping then there is no point in being labeled boyfriend or girlfriend….cut buddies maybe but not beau & belle. We might as well label ourselves as such so then we can sleep better at nite.
In addition, if I had a woman that can do acrobatic manueveurs in bed and cook some mean waffles with turkey bacon in the morning, I wouldn’t take breakfast any place else (this would include avoidance for the walk of shame)…
So if (insert male name here) The Plumber is appropriately cleaning the pipes of Miss (insert female name here) then the idea of ignorance being bliss or not is null and void. Good Horizontal Polk should be bliss…
Peace in Bahgdad
-BBW
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no mean…”
-Aristole Onassis
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I am of the want to know perspective. I don’t necessarily care what my guy is doing, I just don’t ever want to be caught out there by some next chick. I knew my ex cheated (heard it from everyone and had that feeling in my gut). I didn’t snoop, I didn’t go looking…I just told him don’t ever let me get caught off guard by one of your side ho*s. I don’t need to know when and how, but I need to know every who. Nevertheless, at a party one night this chick is being super nasty to me and I don’t even know her. AFTER the party, I tell my dude about this chick and turns outs she is one of his side ones. She got away with a lot of slick ish that night, because I thought she was just a stank chick. Had I known beforehand I could have handled her accordingly. Point of this story, I need to know who you are doing so I can let the side chick(s) know I know because I am the main chick, not them.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
hmm now u see… thats a situation that i wouldn’t even want to deal with…
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Yea, I can definitely see how you feel that way. I didn’t want to deal with it either. Of course the ideal is that everyone in a relationship will be faithful and committed but the reality is that most people aren’t. So if he is gonna cheat that’s the way I would want it to be. At least then its not all secrets and spy work. At least then you don’t have to feel like a clown b/c you are fully aware of what your guy is doing on the side. For me, the worst thing in the world would be to have someone else know more about my man than I do.
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Ignorance is NOT bliss when its comes to creeping, when you sleep with your man/girl you are sleeping with everyone else they have slept with or are sleeping with and you have a right to know who these other ppl may be.
But I strongly feel that stalking and snooping around is pointless- if your looking trouble you will find it
For us females I feel 100% of the time that our intuition is on point, why do you need to hack into voice mail, read up on myspace messages? Most of of the time the answers & clues you need are right in front of your face… some examples: spending less time together, not supporting ones hobbies, increased arguing/bickering/nagging, receiving really extravagant gifts out of the blue …the stalk n snoop action is a waste of your valuable time.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
“spending less time together, not supporting ones hobbies, increased arguing/bickering/nagging”
Aren’t these the type of things that lead one to cheat in the first place?
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
depends- if you are the guilty one and have cheated i think its becomes evident by those actions. I mean if you are messing around you dont want to be around your significant other more frequently than the on the side person right? or wrong?
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I think wrong. You can mess around and still not want your side to be your main. That is the whole idea of cheating, is that the person who is cheating doesn’t want to lose or be rid of the person they are cheating on or they wouldn’t cheat, they would just break up.
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“receiving really extravagant gifts out of the blue”
Women are funny sometimes. I thought that this is what some ppl would call romance.
If my jawn is cheating, I do not want to knoww about it and hopefully she’s respectful of both herself and me. Hopefully she isn’t putting our health at risk. Also, she better not be looking like no hoe b/c if someone calls her out of her name regardless of if she’s cheating or not we’re going to have problems. Also she better not have me looking like a clown, having negroes laughing at me and what not
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
lol. so macho.
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ife1love Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I’m with you. Don’t have me looking like a fool. I had a friend who’s man was just whoring all over the place and apparently most people on campus knew about it and was looking at her like she was just a dumb chick but honestly she had no idea. Like there were times when he actually had homegirl he was creepin with hanging out with them and ish. At one point he even made her feel guilty about her friends giving homegirl the stink eye when she would come around because that was just his “homie” and it was unfair of her to treat her like that and blah blah… bastard!
When she found out what had been going on she was more upset about him making an ass out of her than she was about the cheating.
If you cheat and I can’t get over it, then I’m just out, but if you try to make an ass out of me, then I will just show you the whole thing.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
“receiving really extravagant gifts out of the blue”
Women are funny sometimes. I thought that this is what some ppl would call romance.
Peyso, I’m talking about getting a tennis bracelet after you’ve been on a “business trip” where your fine azz secretary just happens to be “a few rooms down on the same floor”…NOT a tennis bracelet and a foot rub because you know i’ve had a tough week at work.
To me there is a difference…but i hear you..sometimes it just is plain romance…ugh love is so complicated!!!
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“Is ignorance really bliss? It sounds counter-intuitive doesn’t it? Not knowing can be better than knowing. Yeah right. In theory, that sounds about right. If what you don’t know would make you miserable, then maybe you are better off not knowing. But is it okay to be deceived? If your boo is creeping, are you better off knowing that he/she is, or staying in the dark?”
Ignorance is definitely bliss unless you end up finding out the hard way. What if he’s out there doing someone else without protection and you’re all, “Nah, I don’t wanna know” and then BAM! You end up with the clap. Or if he’s doing everyone else and their Mama you won’t just get the clap, you’d get the applause. It’s always better to know than to learn the hard way. Because most of the time, it comes out one way or the other.
“Is it really a big deal if he/she is still giving you all that you want in a relationship?”
I do have to wonder: is itentirely possible for your mate to give you everything you want or give you their all if they’re creeping?
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I refuse to check up on man and snoop behind him and all of that. If he’s cheating that’s on his conscious and I’d rather not know about it. I in no way condone him cheating on me but as long as it doesn’t show up on my doorstep then I’m not concerned.
If I found out my man was/might be cheating on me I would probably handle it like my girl Teedra Moses… “You Better Tell Her”.
Here’s the lyrics for those who are unfamiliar with the song:
[Verse 1]
I don’t give a damn what’s real
What’s fake, what’s truth what’s lies
See darlin I don’t feel it’s relevant to me
I don’t wanna know her name, where u met
If see some crazy chick just stalking u
I don’t care
it’s irrelevant to me
(pissed off as I am)
I was saucy at the bar, feelin like a star
When she got all in my face
Talkin bout what ya do when ya do it to her
I damn near slapped her face
(OK)
she don’t know me, better ask someone
I don’t play those silly chicken games
Oh no
[Chorus]
If I’m believing what I hear is true
Then there’s a broad round town that’s claiming you
And listen daddy I’m too cute to fight
You better get that bitch told tonight
And I don’t ever
I mean never
Ever, ever wanna deal with this again
U better tell her
Tell her, tell her, tell her…
GREAT SONG! LOL!
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
“I’m too cute to fight!!” lol
Love Teedra
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
yeah i’m too cute to fight, too
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Its all fun and games until someone gets pregnant or everyone gets an STD, then it becomes insantiy.
I am too cute to fight but i will make sure my man feels it. BUST THE WINDOWS OUT YOUR CAR amoung other things !!!!!
I dont agree with fighting the next chick, although i would HATE her…me and her not in a commited
relationship. plus i dont play with dirt!
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So when you find out that your boo is cheating, who is your main beef with? The boo? Or the side piece? How do you handle it?
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Cheekie Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Definitely the boo. The side dish is not obligated to tell me anything nor are they obligated to be faithful. Now, I do think it is a different story if said side dish is your friend/family member. There can also be some obligation if this person knows you and also knows that you and your boo are together. Still, even then, the main beef is with the boo. I hate when women on those talk shows go directly for the side dish (and their weave) and completely ignore the boo. The hell?
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
November 25th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Its a lot easier to kick the S&*% out of someone you have no feelings for thats fo sure…Why are the fellas so quiet today??? hmmmmmm
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you know it’s funny, i used to have a strong stance on this but now that i’m married, i think differently about it. in fact, this year, my husband and i had a conversation about this. i said that i wouldn’t want to know if he was getting a side piece just so long as he was staying protected and handling his business at home too.
however, he said that he would want to know. my stance on it for myself is the same as how i feel if he were to have his side potatoes…
but before i got married, i was a staunch “I WANT TO KNOW SO I CAN F*CK A N**** UP!!”
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I don’t condone cheating. If the man I’m with is cheating–I want to know because apparently there’s a problem. Cheating breaks trust and if a man can’t be trusted–then he gets downgraded.
If you’re going to cheat why be in a relationship—remain single without any labels of boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife–date and don’t commit to anyone and make sure they know you’re not committed.
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