Its Over. So Now What?
Whenever you have a romantic relationship with someone, chances are that person was big part of your daily life. You most likely exchanged some combination 0f phone calls, emails, and texts multiple times a day. If something major or minor happened in your life, he or she knew about it, and helped you celebrate or lament. You spent lots of sexy time together. You probably became friends with his or her friends. But something has gone sour like lime and now, whatever type of relationship you had (labeled or implied), is done. Finito. Over. The peachy phase ended, and you were left with spoiled fruit. Yucky. So how does one move forward without having that person as a regular part of your life?
I remember the first few days after my first major break up. Between all the tears and snotty tissues, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Before I threw in the towel (yes it was me who ended it), my ex and I spoke multiple times a day. Before I went to bed, we spoke. Before we started our days, we spoke. When someone pissed me off during the day, we spoke. When nothing really happened at all, we spoke. I remember having to fight the urge to call him. I even deleted his number from the speed dial to keep me from the quick access. Too bad I had the number memorized. Still do actually.
After its all said and done and the relationship is actually over, what the hell happens next? Yeah, we are supposed to start to “move on,” but before you can do that, you gotta cut those ties between you and the last boo and begin the dreaded phase out process.
I found it hard to quit talking to the ex boo cold turkey. That’s like asking Pookie the Crackhead from around the way to just wake up tomorrow and stop smoking rock. True, it can be done. But that withdrawal period is a hell of process. So I tried the Nicorette approach with this one. I got me a patch, and cut back a little at a time. I ended the late night pillow talk, and early morning greetings, but felt like I was still allowed to make the middle of the day check ins. Only for a little while though.
Over time, it became easier to not want to contact him. Before the break up, he would cross my mind multiple times a day. As the space between us grew, I found myself realizing at the end of the day that I hadn’t thought about him at all. Over time, this turned to days, weeks, and months at a time. That my friends, is called progress.
Yeah it sounds messed up that you have to cut the once love-of-your-life off, but that’s the only way to really make room for the next step. Can’t feel right about getting new numbers, or going on dates, if you still check in with the ex boo on the reg. Or maybe you can.
What are some of the things you all have done to phase out the ex-boo, cut buddy, or crazy J.O.? Does all this crazy technology (e.g. MySpace, Facebook, AIM, Gchat, twitter, etc) make it harder to really get rid of the thoughts of him or her?
Late Addition
Now that I think about…how you phase out depends on the type of relationship you had with the person. Longer more emotionally involved break ups may lead you to behave
Sowhatiff - To the left, to the left – Jenkins
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It usually stings more if you’ve been with the person longer because it’s like you’re not just tuning out an ex, but someone that you can consider a friend and that’s the hardest part. That being said, I’ve found that tons and tons of sex with people that didnt matter works best. That is if you are totally opposed to herbal therapy. And not that soppy, needy, hold me tighter sex. I’m talking about Star Spangled Banner, prime of your life sex. It’s the only way. It just makes the withdrawal phase easier. Realistically you’ll never phase out someone that significant to you in a short period of time. Short of facebook etc, there’s times, things and places you’ve shared that will never leave you and they’ll always come back from time to time. So yea…strange sex.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 7:48 am
Um, excuse me. Where the hell have you been sir?
I’ve missed you.Reply
RightCoastLex Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
In my spaceship.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 9:55 am
I feel like I’ve only heard guys say this.
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'movin on up' ladebelle Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 10:53 am
i agree wholeheartedly with this…
well, with my previous 2 ex-es this is what i did and it worked wonders… on top of the fact that i got great booty…
but this time i think i’m gonna do something different…
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Jac Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 10:55 am
I am going to have to co-sign.
It has worked well well for me.
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MaPockets Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
But then how do you avoid a potential crazy/obsessive E.D.G. situation in the process of all this sexual “healing”? Or worse, how do you prevent some random E.D.G. from becoming a horrible rebound situation??
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RightCoastLex Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
You dont dwell long enough to let it become a situation. Most females could easily tell a dude it’s just a sex thing and fly smooth. You gotta roll thru town like a twister.
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Cuz Peyso Says So Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I’ve been the rebound a few times. Some of the times it has been great, other times I got my feelings hurt. So how do you explain to the reboundee that your only rebounding?
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Just tell him or her straight up. “I just want the bunz.”
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I’m gonna have to co-sign with RightCoast on this one. I am currently using this method to clear my head…..
Pause.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 8:09 am
Interesting…I wonder how many woman take that approach. Don’t be bashful!
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CVal Reply:
January 29th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Don’t let the ambiguous name fool u…I’m a dude lmao
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 29th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
lol…no i knew that. I was just asking the ladies if they would take a similar approach. No worries boo
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I always turn inward and focus completely on myself and making my life fabulous. I don’t sit still. I kick it with girlfriends, chop it up with my male homeboys, focus on rebuilding my dating roster and just try to find ways to appreciate the things that I DO have in my life rather than focus on what I’ve lost.
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WithRainbowSprinkles Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I agree with Robin Monique…this random useless meaningless sex thing…not so sure about that
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Steph Reply:
January 29th, 2009 at 12:30 am
I do the same. When my ex and I broke up I used the time/energy I used to spend with/on him to re-focus my energy on myself. I definitely think it helped a lot as it gives you back that self-esteem you naturally lose after a bad breakup.
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Dang I’ve missed a lot in my 28 years. LOL.
It’s been too easy to cut these ninjas off… I delete everything… phone number, email addy, etc. I cut up cards. I simply phase them out like they never existed, Drop Dead Fred style.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 9:48 am
I might have to get on this plan…
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Robin Monique Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Yup. When I’m ready to be completely done with someone, this is always the route I take.
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WithRainbowSprinkles Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
me too…the combo of pride and sheer willpower will get you places…
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
He!! yes!
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Weeeeeeelll, My situation was a little more extreme. We bought a house together…..
So immediately after she left I ended up taking a job out of the country for three months.
When I came back, I focused on making the house “mine” and started doing things my way.
I only emailed her five times while I was away. Two for business stuff and three to check on the dogs. Oh and two visits to drop off the dogs, but I didn’t even let her in the house….straight door stoop like a Jehoviah’s witness…”Can I help you?”
It was hard because she was integrated in every part of my life, but you move past it with time and energy. Most of the time you just have to focus on you and what you need to do to improve.
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'movin on up' ladebelle Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 10:52 am
i soooo feel you shawn…
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phew… man sowhatiff, i’m so feeling this…
most people in my blogging/twitter community don’t know what i’m about to share on this blog but sharing is caring right?
well i’m finalizing my divorce right now. in fact, today the wusband is coming to get the rest of his stuff. so needless to say, this blog is really right on.
but here are some of the things that i’ve been doing to move on from this relationship:
1. my girlfriends don’t give me much time to myself to think: for the past 3 weeks, i’ve been out every nite. whether it’s to dinner, listening parties, bars, wineries, and of course, the club. they’ve made it so i don’t have to be in “our” space while it still contains both of our things.
2. i’m actively following my dreams and making more: i’m planning a trip to amsterdam (all those that wanna come, hit me up at ladebelle@gmail.com); thinking about making the move to cali; putting more energy into my side business and all those that i couldn’t do before.
3. once he things are moved and gone, i’m doing the most thorough cleaning of my house. i need for his scent and energy to be gone so that’s what i will be doing tonite.
i still have to see him at least 2 times per week because we’re part of a community together but the less time we spend together, the easier things are…
now that i’ve shared my heart and soul on this blog, i’m outta here!
**steps down from soapbox**
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Katchin05 Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Good luck with that sis! You have a great group of friends.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 11:30 am
sorry, but I LOL’d @ wusband.
Thank you sharing boo! It seems like focusing on you, and keeping busy will help in the process.
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I had a terrible, terrible break up about 8 months ago. I didn’t eat, sleep, or go outside for two whole weeks. I still had to talk to him, listen to him and think about him every damned day. It is absolutely infuriating. We even went to “I hate yous”…
By the Grace though, we’ve made it back to being civil and are working on things
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Man oh man this one hit home too….
I have found myself spending more time with fam, friends especially guy friends….I am even considering buying an xbox so that I can play w the boyz!!!
I’m networking a lot more, learning new skillz-going to take pole dancing lessons (something I was discouraged from doing in my last relationship)
Good advice for some LEX, BUT can’t do the meaningless sex thang… I get attached way too easily. And I’m sure many will laff @ me BUT I strongly feel you give up apart of your spirit and in turn you receive a part of that person’s spirit (-ve or +ve) everytime you lay down with someone….
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I completely agree that sex is a spiritual exchange! If it’s “meaningless” sex, it better be with someone better than me…with some good spiritual goodness.
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I’ve never really masterd the whole break up thing..thats maybe why i still get angry text message here and there..lmao
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Im a cold turkey kinda gal. I have to end all contact, cant see them, or talk to them until im at least half way ova it. All the social networking sites do make it harder tho.
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niasmomma Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
I, too, am a cold-turkey type of girl. I will fall all the way back. For me, it’s harder to stay in contact, hear his voice, play the “So… How you doin’?” game, etc. I, too, hate the “can we still be friends” concept, whether I/he initiates the breakup. NO – we cannot be friends, so why bother? Usually, when a person proposes a post-breakup friendship it is out of pure selfishness. Think about it – either a) that person cannot stand the thought of not having that person accessible to them, b) that person cannot stand the thought of another person having access to the ex, or c) that person wants to keep the possibilities of continuing to have sex with the ex open. Question: If things were so great (friendships being solid foundations for relationships and all) then why did we break up? Hell no, we can’t be friends – especially not immediately after the breakup. The chance for a “pure” friendship doesn’t exist right then. Maybe a few months later, when you both have had some distance, opportunities for introspection, opportunities to date and/or sleep with another/others, a platonic relationship can be attained.
It IS difficult when you share a living space and have to physically divide your shyt, lie in a bed alone that you’ve previously shared, restructure your concept of how you spend your time, etc. It’s almost instinctual to want to hang on instead of face the inevitable difficulties associated with a breakup, especially of a long-term relationship, similar to a heroin addict who knows he needs to quit and wants to quit, but dreads the physical/emotional turmoil that comes with going without the drug.
Cold turkey works best for me. Rip the bandaid off. Cry it out. Review the playback as many times in your head as you need to. Write some poems. Have one drink too many a couple of nights out with the girls/boys. Have some SAFE hot, random sex. Live. Do you.
Whatever you do – don’t call. If you know you don’t want to be in a relationship with that person and/or that person no longer wants to be in a relationship with you, don’t answer when he/she calls you. As bad as it may hurt, you’ll survive and be that much stronger for it.
WHEW!
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“I remember having to fight the urge to call him. I even deleted his number from the speed dial to keep me from the quick access. Too bad I had the number memorized. Still do actually.”
Damn. I feel you.
I was with my ex for around 3 years, and I think facebook made our break up 100 times more painful than it needed to be. I could see new chicks flirting with him, pictures would pop up unexpectedly through one of our mutual friends. That’s the worst – logging on and that face is just… there. surprise!
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Speak on it. Damn Facebook.
I know I have been tempted to de-friend him…but part of me doesn’t want to. Sigh…
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When my fiance’ and I broke up and I gave back my 2.5 in a white gold setting I thought my world was over. he was gone and on to the next and all I had left of him were memories and his baby. I couldn’t eat couldn’t sleep. I broke every dish in my house I screamed I cried and I wished God would take me. how could he leave me when the only reason I kept this baby was because he proposed? alone? with 2kids at 19? I sank so deep into depression because I still had to see him. still had to be around him because he was my sons father. I vowed to never let another man take me that low to the point I felt like I didn’t want to get back up. I have learned its ok to be alone. I will rise out of the ashes of a crumbled relationship and be all the better for it. each person comes into ur life for one of 2 reasons for u to teach them or for them to teach u. when u don’t learn from the past u are doomed to repeat it. lesson learned.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 11:42 am
AMEN! …mama u gonna make me cry lol
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ChokLitFacory Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Good for you for pushin on! And thats the truth you just wrote right there.
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Ummm I just moved cities. It was perfect timing for me, and I needed to leave that place (small city where everybody knows your bizness and all). But other than that, I spent a lot of time out with the girls, traveled a lot and shopped, and generally spent a lot of money unnecessarily (I was hurtin, y’all lol). But…9 months later, I think I’m alright. Only one EDG moment, lots of wine and some emotional/male-bashing issues still to work out, but other than that, I’m fine
Great Post!
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Wine is the bomb! Reds or whites?
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ChokLitFacory Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Definitely Red. Which is funny, cuz I couldn’t really drink Reds before the breakup…
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Yeah, its an acquired taste. I gotta be careful who I’m around when I drink red wine though…holla at me on the side if you wanna know why…
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Cuz Peyso Says So Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
I know why lololol jk
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RightCoastLex Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I know why…tiffiepoo cant hold her liquor….
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ChokLitFacory Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Tiff…I know ALL too well, shyt ain’t even funny! lol
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
lol…word.
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MaPockets Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
and the reds have it!
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Yayyy Reds!!!
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RightCoastLex Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
…reds…
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How does Slim move on and phase out after a break up?
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404 Error. Comment cannot be displayed. He’s an assh*le.
But seriously, I just stop talking to the person afterwards. Facebook makes it tempting to look the person up or you’re forced to see one of their updates…but ultimately you have control of how the social media affects you. If seeing the person’s face turns you into an emotional wreck and they’re constantly popping up, then yeah…go ahead and delete.
I don’t know (ladies). I’ve had my fair share of post breakup trauma…but I really think it’s best to just stop talkin’ to the person and stay active. More times than not, we stress ourselves out to a point where we expend more energy trying to understand and deal with it than trying to move on. It’s like when you have a bruise/cut/pimple that’s painful and you keep touching it and saying ouch. Leave the damn thing alone and go do something. The same applies after a breakup…unless you’re the person that effed it up…in which case you prolly should suffer for a little while.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Spoken like true manly man…
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I never break up, I always get dumped. During the last break up, i got unfriended on facebook. That really hurt my feelings…..
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Southern Belle Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Wow e-boo, I’d never do you like that. The whole un-friending, removal of screen name from buddy list, block you on gchat thing is really immature. You couldn’t build a life with someone like that anyone because it’s clear that they’re dramatic.
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Cuz Peyso Says So Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
and thats y I e-lub you
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RightCoastLexSteele, Global Cocksman Reply:
January 29th, 2009 at 1:23 am
An e-affair? I just threw up in my mouth…
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Ladies, I think a bad breakup calls for a “Pick your favorite Angela Bassett character and see what happens” moment. You can Tina Turner it up and run crazily (arms flailing) across a dangerous intersection hoping you don’t get hit by a car and then turn to the public for comfort and a hotel room so you don’t have to be near him ever again (keep your last name though…you earned it). Or you can pull a Bernadine “Bernie” Harris and go bizerk on any and everything that reminds you of him (G.Y.S.! G.Y.S.!! & G.O.!!!!) by burning it to the ground and/or selling it, then drown your sorrows in alcohol, slap/drunk-dial the new chick, and take him for all he’s got. ORRRR just bust a Stella Payne and go somewhere new, then do someone new, and start all over!! You pick.
Real talk…I think the best way to come out of a breakup stronger is to spend LOTS of quality time alone. Surrounding yourself with friends and activities (has anyone seen Stepbrothers?? “so much room for activities!”) only goes so far. After being with someone for so long, you find that their presence slowly began to define important pieces of you. And once that presence is gone, you have to redevelop your personal definition. It takes true “me time” to get back in touch with yourself, cause after a bad breakup, you truly have to learn again who you are without that person. You have to remember again what it’s like to be in the bed alone…just you and God. And you have to grow to be okay with it and even more so, prefer it, as opposed to the craziness you put yourself through when your relationship was yelling “TIMBERRR!” Tons of strange and meaningless sex may cover the wound for awhile (I guess?), but even all that activity won’t lead you closer to yourself. Tons of “me time” will teach you that sometimes there is just nothing better than moving on, because every time you move on, you’re learning how to love yourself all over again.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
“Tons of “me time” will teach you that sometimes there is just nothing better than moving on, because every time you move on, you’re learning how to love yourself all over again.”
YES YES YES!!!
SPEAK ON IT MaPockets!!!!
I luv the movie Stepbrothers…in fact I am going to watch it again tonight LOL
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ChokLitFacory Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
**standing ovation and clapping**
Preach!
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
MaPockets, attached to this comment is your honorary Doctorate in “Preach That Thang, Sistah!” Economics.
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niasmomma Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
(singin’) “I need some “me” time…” I LOVE your comment. Unfortunately, so many of us are afraid of what character flaws and deficits taking me time and being introspective will reveal about ourselves. We’d rather continue to blame him or be serial monogamists/serial daters. The truth of the matter is in a breakup both parties share some blame. Whether it was because you knew he was a playboy and thought you’d win him over, he thought you were a partygirl that he could tame, you thought his contact with his mom was sweet and harmless, but it turns out he’s just an indecisive p*ssy, or he had misconceptions about a woman’s role and you played into them despite your personal discomfort; everyone plays a part. I agree, most of us need to learn more positive ways to handle the downtime a breakup provides. Though it might be painful, being honest with yourself about whatever role you played in the demise of the relationship is cleansing, liberating, and can certainly help you learn a lot more about yourself, and ultimately develop a better understanding of your attributes and your shortcomings.
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had to say Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
OMG MaPockets….the Angela Bassett character breakdown alone made me stand up, shout, and raise my hands in testimony…
GYS GYS & GO
I had to youtube the scene
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Smiley Reply:
January 29th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
In theory “me time” is effective and necessary. In reality, its not practical or even effective. Maybe even impossible. Think about it. Your’e taking “me time”. Time to reflect. You are alone. You are hurting. And hurting. Your digging yourself into a deeper hole of hurt and pain. If you truly want to heal after it’s over, you should try to be as good to yourself as possible. Do things you enjoy, surround yourself with loved ones, try to maintain your regular activities to the extent possible. Then after some time has gone by, and you have healed some, sit down and reflect and make time for “me time”. The idea here is that when you are hurting suffering alone and miserable may be counterproductive until you have already healed a great deal and have reached a point where you can reflect. Often too much time alone forces you to reminisce and even call the person. None of these things are good in the first few weeks following a break up.
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I have a question for the dudes……do you find that when a chick breaks its off with you …you find yourself wanting to get back with her just to break up with her???…I feel like that may be happening in my case…I mean he’s acting like he didn’t see it coming???!!! wtf is that all about
Just curious…I’m still taking notes
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
I personally wouldn’t want to go through all of that to get them back just so I can have the last word. If I’m tryna get back in the mix, it’s cuz I
wanna make sure she doesn’t f*ck anybody elsegenuinely wanna be back with her.Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Wow. That’s the 1st I’ve heard of that. We’re not that devious to do all that, that’s a
womanmastermind type move.As Slim mentioned, if I’m going at an ex it’s because I want to be with her. I don’t have the time to waste to play that extensive of a game. Nor would I want to waste her time either.
Wow. SMH.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
I am slowly learning that some men think like women…remember the post on *itch assness????
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RightCoastLex Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Yea, were not that complex. If I want to get back at her I sleep with all her friends, particularly the blabber mouthed ones so it can get back to her that I gave her homegirl thunder and lightning with sprinkles on top. Sure, you can call me a jerk, but what about her “friends…”
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Somehow this is totally justified Lex lol
Sprinkles on top whoy!!!! lolllllllllllllllllll
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Cuz Peyso Says So Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
What I have learned is that us men often dont pay attention and that he may not have seen it coming. Slight chance.
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I think each relationship changes us just a little bit. each time u allow someone insight into who we are we take a little of them with us. and while my break up with my sons father was 8 years ago it changed how I looked at and handled men from that point.
no man is worth the drama the and the pain and the energy it takes to be hurt. @ladebelle gave me some on time advice “let go and let God”. so I am choosing to love with no regret .
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About to hop on a flight, but I put my break up remedy together as quick as I could. I’m tight that I’m so late commenting, gotta play catch up.
Best ways to get over the
wack, ungrateful, oh so sadboo:*Get away.
If I’m going to start over, first I have to rebuild myself. So I try to get out of the house, or out of town (even if it’s just an hour away.) I think it’s important to separate myself from everything that was “him.”
*Ignore away messages, facebook pages, twitter pages, etc.
This is the hardest, but most important. In my Love, Lust, & Intimate Relationships class, which I’ve been raving about, I learned that absence does not make the heart grow fonder. If that were the case, then every troubled couple would be cured after spending 6 months apart. In reality, it’s “out of sight, out of mind.” The less you interact with his things and him, the more of your space you’ll be able to regain.
*Give all expensive gifts to girlfriends to HOLD.
I’ve been blessed with amazing gifts from old flames, and when the break up hits I can’t separate myself from the objects of affection. I can’t give away the Tiffany’s and Hermés, it’s much too close to my heart. So I give it to friends to hold and whenever I’m getting dressed and the object comes to mind solely in the name of fashion, I call them to let them know I’ll be swinging by to pick it up. As soon as you see it you’ll think of how great it looks with the outfit and you won’t even think about his
wack, ungrateful, oh so sadass.*Fall back from the friends & family, Little Miss AT&T
What are you doing? You’re not going to date his friend’s and you’re not going to go shopping for China with his mother, so what are you doing still talking to them? There’s never an excuse to be rude in life, speak to everyone when you see them, but as for keeping these people as your friend’s, negatory. Find your own, that’s his life, leave it alone. If there are people that necessary to keep in your life, make sure they understand that you’re no longer a package deal and you have an identity of your own.
*Be kind to yourself
Chances are the break up stole the life out of you. So do everything you’ve ever wanted for yourself, even if that means booing up with an unbelievable gorgeous man knowing that he’s only eye candy and nothing you’d take home to the family. You can never go wrong investing in your own happiness, so don’t be cheap; give yourself every tub of ice cream Ben & Jerry’s dreamt of and all the massages you can find.
Finally, just let the shit go and consider yourself lucky for getting out sooner than later. They say that you can’t heal from the scars of one man by running in to the arms of another, that’s just a lie.
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Great post! I know all too well what this feels like. My ex and I stop talking after we first broke up in 2006 for about 6months. Then we started talking again as friends. We decided again to finally stop talking for good. It still sometime bothers me that we don’t talk because we have been such great friends(even before the relationship) since freshman yr. of high school. So the connection ran really deep.
Fortunately for me he doesn’t have myspace, facebook, twitter, or even his voice on his vmail. That makes it easier for him to fade away. Although I have been dating, I sometimes wonder if I will ever find a connection like we had. I believe I will so I on focusing on my goals and trusting God.
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Hi all! My first comment, yay! You know, it’s really great when you think that you’ll be distraught for a super long time after cutting off communication with “your person” (or having had “your person” cut off communication with you) and after a few days it barely bothers you anymore. It seems to me that the obvious conclusion at that point is that the person really wasn’t that important to you after all. Funny how some things work out.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 28th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Welcome to Three Ways Marley! Make sure you check the podcast link in the admin note section on the top left and get your official welcome. Sorry Sowhatiff, sounded like a good time to reference that.lol.
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Ok I have a question:
Sometimes when you are with someone for a while, your boo meets your friends, and you meet his/her friends. Sometimes they too become fixtures in your daily lives. But what happens when we break up? Should our new friends be ex-friends? I know some may think this is immature, but if I’m not with him anymore, it will PAIN me and cause me to look at my homegirl sideways if she still yapping it up with the ex?
I think it makes it harder. Even if your friend doesnt mention it to you, can one tell a friend to break up their friendship with your ex?
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