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Don’t OD!
If you drink too much alcohol, the repercussions are plentiful. You could end up in bed naked with the man or woman of your nightmares. You could wake up with a dehydrated brain, excruciating headache, and an awful case of the bubbly guts. You could end brawling in the streets and calling in to work from the county. You could even end up sleeping on the floor butt arse naked next to a bag of trash with someone else’s blanket. Fortunately, none of these things have everrr happened to me. Yep. None. Right. My point is that sometimes you really need to know your limits. More simply stated…
Don’t OD.
Alcohol and drugs definitely aren’t the only times that people OD. Some of us are overly ambitious and competitive. Others love a challenge despite the embarassment that may come with losing. Some of us just like to show off at each and every opportunity. I can appreciate those who are overly confident and cocky. I don’t have a choice since RightcoastLex and Seattle did a post on it. Along those same lines, people over step the bounds of logic and rationale in an attempt to conquer the unconquerable. So for today, I will present a few OD situations. Hopefully all of them aren’t familiar.
Soulja Boyin It Too Hard
Sometimes men crank one out as a preparation measure before coitus. Sometimes they crank one out then find themselves unable to perform at game time because they are too relaxed. Same can be said with too much alcohol or liquid extended pleasure. Lookin’ like a limp noodle at game time is embarrassing and means he prolly ODed.
Shallow Boxing
Ladies, well some of you at least, sometimes it’s okay to take it like a champ. But if your 5 inch man used to touch the back of your thang and cause discomfort, what do you think the 6’5 230 pound man known for slinging tenacious and brolick D is gonna do to you? Now you done corrupted your hard drive and can’t compute kids. You ODed.
Guard Your Uvula
Not vulva. Uvula. That dangly thing in the back of the throat. If one has a sensitive gag reflex and is prone to vomiting with ease, do you think it’s the brightest idea to be an undercover informant and risk creating a highly acidic mess? That is not the history you want to be a part of unless you’re in Japan or Germany.
Overselling the D
If a dude is tryna holler at a chick and knows she used to take strokes from the behemoth mentioned above or Mr. Marcus and promises her the thronx of a lifetime when he knows he’s a feeble failure in the sheets, he has ODed. I’d take one less notch on the belt than to follow up a legend and be a hot dog in the hall way.
Not So Stretch Armstrong
This one is unisex. If you have not warmed up and you know that you are no Gumby or Dhalsim, don’t try and pull off some new never before practiced move. That’s worse than sprinting to catch a bus when you know you gonna pull the hammy. Just catch the next one or try it out next time. Don’t OD.
So yeah, there are plenty of other situations where people OD or attempt to OD and lose out… horribly. All my situations are sexual…cuz I think about sex a lot. What does every else think? Have you ODed? Any recommendations for people to avoid maximum ODage? Have you witnessed maximum ODage and just wanna tell someone about it? Let’s have some fun.
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The Bounce House
When you OD while bouncing up and down on your man’s piece, and you’re slightly intoxicated, don’t you dare lose your balance ladies. If it slips out and you come down on Jack’s beanstalk with a thunderous booty cheek, God help you. I know a chick who got thrown to the floor due to instant reflexes by her man because she booty-stomped his sprout. No bueno.
Pop, Lock, & Drop It…BUT GET BACK UP!
Don’t OD when you try that Booty Do; if you get too low and wipe out on the floor, no one will help you up. They might want to help but they’ll be too busy laughing at your epic FAIL. Especially if your pants/shorts rip, your dress rides up, OR your plumber crack is exposed.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 8:17 am
These are hilarious!
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
May 21st, 2009 at 10:18 am
i literally LoL’d at work… too funny.
gotta give Slim some points on the Shallow Boxing one… classic.
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I thought of like 4 more OD situations this morning, but I’ll wait until the people contribute. Plus I actually gotta do some work for at least a little while.
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omg
Once we were out, and we stole someone’s VIP..when the girl came back, my drunk friend was mad we got put out..and went to steal the girl in her face but MISSED COMPLETELY..she was OD’ing on Gangsta….BWAHAHAHA
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omg
How about me and my friends went to Dream once and stole someone’s VIP. When we were put out, my drunk friend decided to take a swing at the girl but COMPLETLY MISS, she was OD’ing on GANGSTA..BWAHAHAHAHHA
And this one just in
My cousin philipino coworker made some greens with Ham, not HAM HOCKS or Ham bones or smoked turkey
STRAIGHT UP OSCAR MEYER SLICED HAM..LOL
She ODing on trying to cook soul food …lmao
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When people are thirsty, accidents happen.
Speak Only When Spoken Too:
Not every girl enjoys to imtimacy of being called out of her name while being rammed into. Some agree that there is an heighten intimacy that goes along with the vulnerability of using taboo names. Others: “What did you call me?!?! You don’t even know me, Ninja” Than why are you letting me beat?
Shower Be They Name:
After playing a game of basketball or walking the streets of manhattan looking for a new pair of pumps, you come home extra excited to get the pumps. You get caught up in the momment, wrap up in the intensity of spontaneity. However you stink, and no one wants to ‘Snitch on Nixon’ with a funky Washington Monument. Likewise, if you like the other hole like I do..watch what you eat the day before.
More to cum…
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niasmomma Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Cheekz… Um, what IS it with you and the “Brown Eye”?
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CHeeKZ McOD Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 11:26 am
You know Nia….. I think I just ODed.
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*This is sorta like a PSA*
OD dancing at the club
Just because you know how to do the stanky leg, the souljaboy tell em, and the booty do, that does not give you reason to do all said dances to one song in the club. you’re sweating and you have pitt stains to prove it. stop OD’in.
OD poundage
Yes I know the throw back game is serious. but can we refrain from OD backshot poundage? I’m starting to hurt and we are not rabbits. stop OD’in.
OD accessorization
Ladies, just because you have some red in your shirt, does not give you the green light to wear red earrings, red plastic bangles, red tights, red headbands, & a red purse. stop OD’in.
I am Bunnie, & I approve this message.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 10:48 am
OD Poundage made me laugh heartily at my desk. Actually, I’m still laughing.
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CHeeKZ CottonTail Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 10:59 am
I only know one speed…. Hernia Inducing.
**Diddy Voice***
Take That, Take That.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 11:16 am
OH EM GEE. No goodies for you.
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ashbunnie Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 11:30 am
LMAO@ take that take that
i’m dead.
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Nyela "I'm so fierce" Goodness Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 11:18 am
lmao! OD accessorization is an epidemic and needs to stop.
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Guys…dont wax your brows and get clear on your nails..I’m sorry..thats ODing on METROSEXUAL
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Ewwww, I dated a guy who did his eyebrows once. He looked like he turned into a drag queen at night.
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lol..poundage
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Get Tested:
I don’t know who these people are that don’t get tested cause they are scared of what they may find. You already have it.. get rid of it. Your ODing.
Have An Affair, Act Like An Adult For Once:
I know men tend to ask for alot. Maybe I was out of line for asking if my man can go after me. But that doesn’t give you the right to hiss and moan at everything I do like I’m some kind of sexual predator. A splash in the kiddie pool for your behind is standard, basic, and starter level. Stop OD’ing.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 11:33 am
LOL
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(SIGH)
Confession: My one and only brother has OD’ed on pimpin’… He’s 26, and he’s a real live pimp, y’all… At first I thought, well hoped with my eyes squeezed shut and my fingers crossed, it was a “phase”, you know? But no. It’s real. Real. Damn. Ridiculous. The hair. The clothes. The cars. The hoes. Traveling from state to state. Craigslist. The strip clubs. The hoe track.
We’re both college educated. He’s extremely business/marketing savvy. He has had his own business, that is now defunct in his pursuit of bigger, faster money, since he was 17 years old. He has owned his own home since he was 20. Needless to say, we weren’t raised this way. We nearly came to blows about it a couple of months ago because his haughty attitude and his ridiculously shameful lifestyle have overlapped into MY comfort zone. I spoke up; he didn’t like what I had to say.
He’s a straight up character to me most days, but I still love him. I just wish he could find him a new “fix”.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Nia??? U are killing me today. I need pictoral and video evidence ma’am.
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niasmomma Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
If you’ve never believed anything I’ve posted before Nicki, trust me on this. Oh, his pics are available on MySpace, but I’m honestly too ashamed to reveal his identity. Seriously.
He’s top-notch, though. Grade A. Apparently he/they earn LOTS of money. He lives an enviable lifestyle, with all outer accoutrements of success. He eats the best foods, wears the best clothes, and travels in style. If pimpin’ was an admirable profession, he’d be a winner hands-down.
(SIGH) Unfortunately…
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All Things Fake:
Eyelashes: It’s one thing to have a few “extensions” added, but full out “Ms. Piggy’s” with that white glue line across ‘em? STOP IT.
Fake eyecolor: Okay, so you’re vision’s not that hot and you want your eyes a lighter shade of brown – I get that, kinda… But violet contacts in 2009? STOP IT.
Fake lips: Two words – Lisa Rinna. STOP IT.
Fake breasts: So God didn’t bless your cleavage… Okay. Now you’re grown, and you want bigger boobs. But Becky, you asked the surgeon for a triple F and he GAVE ‘em to you? AND a “J-Lo” ass so you can be an official “Whooty”? STOP IT.
Fake hair: You like it when your hair touches your shoulders and you can tuck it behind your ear or let it blow carefree in the wind, but your natural tresses fall short. Okay. But not paying rent, electricity and other necessities because you’ve GOT to get that 1000 inch “Indian Hair”? STOP IT.
Clearly, I could keep going.
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ashbunnie Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
*3 snaps in a z formation*
Brooklyn is the epicenter of all things fake. ESPECIALLY fake eyelashes. jee mo-nee
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People who OD in their Stan-ism. Ok Beyonce may be cool, but do you have to emulate her? Take her life steps? start a band with your sisters and act shocked as ur pops kicks em out the group one by one? Do you have to date a camel?
Im just sayin…lol
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
LMAO@
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
snot just blew out my nose (tmi yea i know) @ this:
“Do you have to date a camel?”
btw- I am starting to get confused there are a few variations of 3ways user names with the word “cheek” in it..od?
Ok getting the santizer out and going to wipe my nose…NOT pick it..wipe it
ciao
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OMG!!!!
Yes changing your 3ways name repeatedly in the same post… OD!!!!!
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CHeekZ Obama Reply:
May 21st, 2009 at 7:37 am
actually 4 times… make that five.
Its time for change America.
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