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Let’s Be Grown and Define Success
Success is relative.
I think it’s pretty clear that those who read this blog are well-educated. I’ve perused some of the other popular sites, and a lot of the commentary is far from articulate, and often downright ignorant. Even if we don’t get 800 comments a day and a slew of advertisers beating down (pause) our door for banner space, we’re fine with that. Sex and relationship talk aside, let’s just be grown today.
I’m willing to bet at least 20 people will click away in disappointment right now. Oh well.
I started an entry a while back about defining success. I never actually posted it. But as I’ve been looking at my life and listening to stories about others, the fire has been rekindled on what exactly do I consider being successful at this stage in my life?
There’s a lot of haters out there. We’ve established that. Those who are preoccupied with everyone else’s lives but their own. The people that’ll say “Damn, he got a degree from Top Tier University and that’s what he doin wit his life? That sucks.” My response to people who make these comments because someone isn’t doing what they expect is simple…
Since when did you become the authority on who is successful and who isn’t?
That’s usually met with umms and wells…and “Don’t be so testy Slim!” But the reality is that it’s true. How do we judge the success of others without knowing their goals? I’ve had people tell me that I should be doing all sorts of jobs with sexy titles and that I should be headed to grad school for little other reason than to just put some letters after my name. Yes, I could do all that. That might make me appear “successful” in the eyes of others, but what about my own?
Some of our definitions of success are constrained and defined by our families/cultures, friends, and what we see on popular television. Just cuz you went to college doesn’t mean you need to be on Wall Street. And just cuz your making a lot of money sitting behind a desk looking at your degree doesn’t mean you are successful. What do folks think? How do you define success for yourself?
Feelin Grown wit this Facial Hair,
28 Responses to “Let’s Be Grown and Define Success”
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success = a synergy between what you want and what you have (or have accomplished) given time (where you are in your life)
i’ve thought about this alot…I think to truly be a success is to FEEL like a success (minus dillusional people).
But that’s on a personal level. Obviously if I would be a success if Ibecome a doctor… (because of the accepted notion of achievement that comes with being a doctor as opposed to being, say, a garbage man or something)..
But I won’t FEEL success in the same way because it’s not what I wanna be when I grow up. (I’ma toys r us kid)
I believe when most people express “I wanna be successful” I think they mean in a generic fashion that society can easily pick up on without knowing your personal goals. Wall Street, Lawyers, Doctors, Politicians, etc. Those are goals that your average person wouldn’t achieve, therefore they are considered generically successful.
but success is all relative… cause helen keller talking was a major success.
- GUNS!!!&butter
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slim jackson is definitely the black male role model in internet blog land. he’s every black woman’s wet dream. his thoughts are provocative and introspective. i enjoy reading his blogs of any and every topic, especially those of working in the corporate world / “the clerks”. i’m so glad that i am not the only one who refuses to be a black gallagher at work loloolololololololol!!!!!!! i am not alone!!!!!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 13th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Ummm, thanks? lol.
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“I’ve had people tell me that I should be doing all sorts of jobs with sexy titles and that I should be headed to grad school for little other reason than to just put some letters after my name. Yes, I could do all that. That might make me appear “successful” in the eyes of others, but what about my own?”
Hee. Sexy Title. I’d probably like one of those…
Anyhow, you’ve raised a great question with that last sentence in the section I’ve quoted above. Because, is it truly your “success” unless YOU view it as such? I’m gonna go with no. I really think success is subjective. I mean, would EVERYone be happy and content as Donald Trump (silly costume-y hair, notwithstanding)? Or what if, to some, becoming the best cab driver ever is a success? It’s certainly possible. So yeah, I believe that the only TRUE success is that felt by the individual who seeks it.
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For once, I have to agree with y’all. I think success is an arbitrary term. For me, I went to school and did everything I was supposed to do. I have the fancy title and people are shocked when I tell them my profession, but I don’t feel successful. When I achieved the letters behind my name I actually felt worse because I had the whole world looking at me like you did it, you’re done but I was feeling like this is it, well, what now?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 13th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
“I had the whole world looking at me like you did it, you’re done but I was feeling like this is it, well, what now?”
I bet Barack doesn’t feel this way. He’s pretty much reached the orgasm of his career.
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The New and Improved RightCoastLexSteele, The Talent Reply:
November 13th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Well Slim, think about it…sometimes after an orgasm, you’re kinda like ok…that was great…now what? Unless a turkey sammich, a cream cheese and jelly bagel, a medium well steak or round 2 (3,4,5) follows immediately after, it’s kinda like ehhhhhhhh.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 13th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Touchè. I stand corrected.
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There’s a Mrs. Jackson? Did I not get an invite to the hitching, or did you have your mommy come make a post on your blog? (That’s sooooooooo cute!)
I do believe the definition of success is relative and you probably have to make a distinction between personal success and perceived success. Like you said, there’s probably a cabby in NYC than can get you from 5th ave to 125th in 15 minutes regardless of traffic, but then again, I’ve never read a magazine or newspaper article heralding the achievements of great cab drivers. And if this cab driver does exist, you probably cant convince him that he isnt the man. His ability to transport people all over the city in record time probably means he has more time to take more fares, which equals more money, and money is definitely a measure of success in our society. Would we a consider an attorney more successful than this gentleman? More than likely so just off of face value, however, what if this lawyer never won a case in his entire life? Or perhaps is an overworked public defender? Still a success?
There is also the interesting dynamic of people who might consider themselves a success vs. these same people who might just be content/settling and labeling themselves as a success. Like our attorney for example. He successfully completed undergrad and went on to law school and successfully passed the bar and now works for a successful firm. Much more than our cabby has ever done.
In high school I was a B+ student. (Shoot, I could be president!) That worked for me. Kept the folks off my back, kept me eligible for sports and gave me just enough validation to verbally and mentally haze…eh hem…excuse me….dismantle the “smarter” kids. But every quarter without fail, 1 or more of my teachers would comment on my report card “Lex did very well in my class this semester. However, his grades are not indicative of his overall potential. If Lex works harder and puts out more effort, he’ll easily be at the top of the class.” I thought I was the ish. Only to get a swift kick in the ass every quarter. Because I was not living up to the potential success that other people thought I could attain. Dilemmas, dilemmas.
May the Lord richly bless the New York Football Giants.
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I define success as having a career…. when I can wake up in the morning and go to work and it not feel like work.
It’s not about money for me. H3ll, it really can’t be, trying to be a psychologist. Although I do want to be comfortable,money doesn’t define my happiness. Luckily, I’ve never been a stickler for Jimmie Choos… Nine West and Kenneth Cole is good for me. LOL
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SUCCESS 2 ME
=
GAINING THE NECESSARY KNOWLEDGE BECOME A WYZE HEALTHY OLD MAN; PERSEVERING THROUGH ALL SITUATIONS THAT COME MY WAY (BOTH GOOD/BAD); UPLIFTING OTHERS, AND LEAVING A BETTER PLACE FOR THOSE BEHIND ME, ESPECIALLY MY CHILDREN (and as my parents have allowed me to do); SYNERGIZE MY ENERGY (MOSTLY POSITIVE; HI HATERS!) TO CONTINUOUSLY RESHARPEN/REFOCUS MY LIFE AND REACH THE THRESHOLD OF MANHOOD!
JUSS MY 2 CENTS…
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I’d have to say that success is the achievement of milestone goals in our lives. Other people look at us and brand us ‘successful’ if they share a passion for the goal we’ve accomplished, or if we’ve achieved a goal that is universally recognized as uniquely commendable.
When people look at the summation of your life and say, “Eh, you didn’t really succeed at anything…” that is because they have different life goals than you do.
What I consider a successful human being to be, one that I would enviously respect, is someone who is efficient, well mannered, ambitious, versatile, and intelligent. I feel that if you’re all those things then money will come, swag will come, and I will…
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Ironman Reply:
November 13th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Damn, that’s pretty insightful. I agree. Success is all about making progress toward the goals you’ve set…and reaching them.
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SmoothPhiNuPi Reply:
November 14th, 2008 at 1:57 am
Word. Come to think of it, that’s on point. I always had a general idea of what success is, but you found the words to match my thoughts to the T.
Well put Belle, on some real talk you should consider being a writer I’ve read some of your other stuff and its deep…And a nod to the writers of this blog, I’ve been visiting for a while, thinkin bout gettin comfortable.
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Farfromit Reply:
November 14th, 2008 at 11:48 am
“What I consider a successful human being to be, one that I would enviously respect, is someone who is efficient, well mannered, ambitious, versatile, and intelligent. I feel that if you’re all those things then money will come, swag will come, and I will…”
I agree, efficiency and I’d add consistency, are keys to success hands down. That goes for everything from relationships to your career. If you can’t be an efficient worker, life partner, parent, or friend then in my opinion you doin bad.
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Southern Belle Reply:
November 14th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Thanks! I try to get my philosophy on sometimes, but I’m not really that deep (pause.)
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This last year, I have been through some pretty difficult experiences that have forced me to overhaul and redefine my idea of success.
When I can wake up each morning and be happy that I’m still alive, I feel successful. This is because I battle with bouts of clinical depression and there have been a lot of dark days where waking up felt like a curse.
When I sit down and write something that comes from my heart that people can relate to, I feel successful because I know I am fulfilling my purpose.
All of the other stuff is just extra. Nice to have, but not essential.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 13th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
This is kinda what I was getting at with success being so relative. You can have it all and still have internal turmoil, etc. that other folks don’t understand. They think you’re a smash hit and successful, while you’re definition is so incredibly different. I do get the same joys from writing. I take it more seriously that the gig that pays the bills.
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For the most part I agree with all of the comments that have been written here. However, I think success has to be relative to your potential also. If you want to be the best soap box derby car driver, which you do with ease, but you have the potential to be the best Nascar driver with a bit of hard and you choose the latter, IMHO you are not successful. I think the dictionary is the only place that success comes before work and with that being said I won’t consider you successful if you haven’t worked hard.
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Cheekie Reply:
November 13th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Peyso, that’s a good point. Many people do say that receiving something after a lot of hard work is much more worthwhile than just having it handed to you.
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I measure success by the quality of people in my life & the goals I set and reach for.
I feel as though once I have stopped “hustlin’”, I need to step back, re-evaluate, and then start again. I don’t see anyone as being unsuccessful or unlucky, they are just on a different journey.
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i definitely agree with most of the people who responded thus far. each individual has their own definition of success, and we sometimes make the mistake of imposing our views on the lives of others… so yeah, to me joe the plumber is not successful because he didn’t graduate from an ivy-league university and he doesn’t have a corporate job, but joe the plumber may feel he is successful, though he’s not really a plumber and doesn’t pay his taxes (yeah that was a quick stab =P)… i’m just saying: who’s right here?
for me, i try not to get caught up in other people’s expectations (and not to compare myself to people who i think are successful)…. it will only drive me crazy to try to get everyone’s seal of approval! right now, i think i am successful, but def have more room to become even more successful.
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Success is what you make it. It’s setting goals and objectives for yourself and fulfilling them. If you don’t know what you want in life or what will make you happy, how can you ever be successful? It’s up to you to take the time to establish your definition of success. Everyday and with everything we do, we each have an opportunity to be successful—even with the little things.
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definitions of success in my world( and most of the time I even believe these;))
bills paid? check
little extra for the bar, or the movies, or some sort of entertainment? check
not hating what I do to make money? check
having a friends that have my back? check
helping my family and friends out when they need it? check
all in all, I’m good
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Two words surmise my definition of successful – do you.
Who is more successful, the man who did not achieve a high level position in his job, but has eight kids who are better off than he as a child or the man who has achieved all his career goals, but has no one to share it?
As long as you are content with your life, then you are a success.
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
November 14th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
What if I am content not doing anything? Does that still make me a success?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
November 14th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
That’s called complacency, which usually isn’t a good thing. Though if you’re rolling in dough, or living comfortable and can afford to do such…power to ya!
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I was actually thinking about this myself this morning. I am extremely hard on myself about defining my personal success. So for me … I consider myself somewhat of a failure while others tell me I’m good.
That’s what I get for writing “take over the world” on my list of objectives … *sigh* … gotta get back on the evil empire grind.
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