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Live Fast, Die Young
It’s not just a line in a rap song, it’s a motto that is embodied by Black, White, Asian and Hispanic kids alike. With everyone from Nas to The Clipse to Kanye saying it, as well as deviations of that line, who would even think about getting older? Couple that with the real depictions of Black males in America being taken too soon because of the drug game, gangs, STDs or just being in the wrong place in the wrong time and you have brothers like myself who are surprised, but grateful, to be in our mid to late 20s. What a weird thought. To be surprised to be alive and well.
While it is odd, the thought that my crew and I are intact as well as the anxiety that one could be taken away so easily crosses my mind often. Yes my life could’ve been far worse, but as a Black man I still deal with certain realities because at the end of the day, I can’t forget where I came from. Cliche, but true. Furthermore, there are just certain things I have to deal with because of that. And although I’m far from where my family and I started, I still feel like I’m treading a mythical line and on the other side of that precipice is a steep fall.
Just here in Boston I’ve had close calls with police, matched descriptions, been followed around my own neighborhood and had a DWB incident. On the flip side, I had the spider sense go off when I was chillin with Slim in some hood in Boston because I saw the set up happening. Shook? No. I just don’t want my boys wearing T shirts “Seattle” on them, Moms crying and the priest saying, “He was a good man…” I want to live. The problem is, I don’t know what to do now that I’ve reached the age I’ve always dreamt about.
While Pops and my uncles were great paradigms, my childhood role models abided by or lived said mantra. From my adolescence you could find me engrossed in a book about Malcolm and Martin, while my ears were bombarded by lyrics from Pac and BIG. All of which were taken extremely early. So I didn’t think past mid 20s. So now that I’m here, what am I to do?
I say all this to say that I’m at a crux, sorting out what the next step is. I have a career, a place to live and friends, but something seems missing. Something seems, well, off. Unfortunately I don’t know what that is yet. It’s difficult to figured out where I’m supposed to go when I never knew there was more road to travel. Well I might’ve there was, but honestly, I never thought about making it to this junction or past it.
Am I on my own with this feeling or are there some other folks out there who share the same sentiments?
Seattle – Pensive But Not Sleepless – Washington
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maybe ur at that stage where u need to settle down, as in find a significant other. By all means, your void could mean something else (i.e. time to find your purpose in life, time to give back, time to search for spiritual enlightenment…who knows)im just throwing it out there since at your age, and accomplishments, it seems like a sensible suggestion! lol
-just my two cents
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Seattle Washington Reply:
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:12 am
Good words doc and welcome to the site. Don’t think I’ve seen you comment here before.
You’re right, I’ve just started to get back into doing community service and it definitely help the situation.
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You used a million dollar word “crux” and I had to google it. Now, that I know what it means:
I’ve never felt this way… Maybe it’s a difference in cities or maybe I just don’t think that far ahead.
I can see how my brothers would think this way though, considering what you see in the media and in the streets. Take everyday as a blessing- U are making it, Seattle. And Dr. Mel C gave very good suggestions.
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Now that you’ve created a certain level of comfort for yourself, I think now is the time to ask yourself, “What do I want?” If there were no restrictions/expectations placed on your life and you were free to do whatever you wanted, what would that be? What does Seattle have/want to give to the world?
I hit my “crux” this time last year and found my calling and while I’m still on the path to making that calling profitable, it feels good to have a purpose.
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An s/o is exactly what I thought of at first. It depends on where the void is pulling. I agree with Dr. Mel C. Do you have an urge to go out and find that special lady? Are you seeing yourself looking into volunteer opportunities? Where is your heart taking you?
When I turned 25 last year, I felt the crux. I needed to find purpose. What is it that I really want to do in life? What’s my legacy going to be? So I’ve started preparing and getting my ideas together and working my talents. And like any other chick I want to find my man too. What is success without someone to share it with?
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Ehh, I think I’m good on the significant other status for awhile. Still stuck on living fast for a few.
But I think you’re right, the greater purpose thing definitely hit me. The current gig is definitely great and it’s everything I’ve wanted to do, but it does seem like there’s something else out there for me to conquer.
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Reign Reply:
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Then hop to it… get your game plan together, nothing like the present.
In a while, when you least expect it you’ll meet “the one” and then you’ll have more responsibility along with acheiving your life goals…
… :-/ *sigh*
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I feel you on this post. I felt the same way when I graduated high school, then again when I arrived at school for the first time and then again when I gratuated from college. It’s nutty how us black men dont see us making it far, my pops told me that he wrote his will at 18 b/c he thought his days were numbered.
Now that you made it to your mid 20′s, do what you’ve always done. Do what it took to get you there. Succeed.
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Reign Reply:
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:19 pm
“Now that you made it to your mid 20’s, do what you’ve always done. Do what it took to get you there. Succeed.”
Love that, nice.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Look at you, trying to be quotable and what not.
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It’s truly scary that many young men are realistically feeling the same way you do. As if making it to 26 is some sort of “threshold” and not a given…not even expected. Hell, in some places and circumstances, it’s not even hoped for…it’s thought of as something that might happen once in a blue moon.
“So now that I’m here, what am I to do?”
I’m with Dr. Mel C on the “give back” tip. Take a step forward in making sure your fellow brothas (especially younger than you) don’t have to ever feel the way you feel right now. Take a step forward into crushing this “You might make it to 25…MIGHT” stigma attached to Black men. Maybe one day, that won’t be the norm anymore.
I guess I’m being optimistic because I’m through with Monday for this week. Yay!
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First, I dunno if I’ve ever said this to you, the way you tell stories is dope. Don’t get gassed though.
The first part of your reflection is sorta where I have been for the past few weeks. While not a black man, I have close relationships with many, particularly in this tender age range of 20 plus; brothers, friends and such. I have also seen two black men in this age range lost in a matter of weeks, one to senseless violence, and the other to a tragedy that could happen to anyone. Makes you realize there is no real way of knowing when its your time to go Home.
In all of that, I have found myself taking a similar inventory…trying to figure out how to make sure I appreciate what and who I have, and trying to figure out what I really want, all while wanting enjoying the ride. So far, it has proven no easy task. I have just committed myself to trying to take care of me and be better than I have been.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Solid As a Rock Reply:
March 3rd, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Such a ringing endorsement.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Good looks Ms. Jenkins. Even if you had to deflate me as quick as you built me up. Still appreciated though.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Gotta keep you humble, nah mean?
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Muy interesante. I thought I was the only one having a pre-mid life crisis. I gotta co-sign with Peyso and so just keep doing what you are doing. I was having a terrible time last year dealing with this, probably slipped into a slight depression because I was so unhappy and couldnt figure out why. Right now I’m just taking this one day at a time and trying to be happy in the moment and not worrying about my future happiness. And if all else fails, just remember, you are a card carrying Cocksman.
If you don’t have a copy, go get The Alchemist. Buy it, keep it, don’t lend it to anyone.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
March 3rd, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I have that book sitting on my bookshelf. One of the must reads for the summer. I hear the “The Greatest Salesman in the World” is good as well.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
March 3rd, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Two fingers to the sky. Damn right sir, if everything else fails I definitely have my membership.
And I’m going to make a trip over to Barnes & Nobles to pick that up. Good looks.
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“If you don’t have a copy, go get The Alchemist. Buy it, keep it, don’t lend it to anyone.”
Man, I’ve been trying to borrow this from my Mama for MONTHS. She swear she lent it to me (lies!), which means it’s misplaced. I’ve been looking everywhere for it, but I don’t remember her actually giving it to me. It’s upsetting because 1) I really want to read the book and 2) I know she really loves the book and I hope it’s not lost.
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Wow! I loved this post…too bad I was drowning in piles of paper earlier lol
Remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs??
It appears that u may be hitting that self-actualization Phase…U may need more adventure and diversity of experiences? Dunno just a thought…..think outside the box
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Good suggestion Lex, the Alchemist is definitely a good one.
IMHO you perfectly fine Seattle, nothing you’re going through is abnormal, its actually part of the PROGRAM.
Instead of giving you advice and tell you what you should n shouldn’t be doing, I’ll share my life with you:
@ my age (mid-20′s, lol) I’ve experience emotional highs n lows, n I’ve oft find myself tryin 2 rediscover my purpose, n recapture my “Mojo”. Sometimes I worry about my future, my present, my after-life.
Sometimes I’ll be surronded by people n feel alone. Sometimes I long for the love of a single woman, while dealing with three … Happiness is an elusive thing.
But when I do the math, I can notice a couple of things … in our pursuit of happiness, we will hit many crossroads, crossroads that will fill us with much doubt n despair.
I now see this as a test from God, and the PRICE of happiness …. shall I fold due to this pressure?
No! because the Temple of me was Established by Strength. So I ask myself how long will I weep for myself n forsake God’s mission. How long will I be so focused on the pebbles on da beach (my problems) that I miss the Beauty of the mountains (showing love)?
Hope that helps, oh n try grab some gudd stuff, some liqour, n some pussykats throw some Fight Club, and of course some Cocksmen n See if that don’t lift u’re mood.
Anaconda “The only Cocksman with 2 strokes” Jones
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