Man Law: The Claim
When it comes to an attractive young lady, or even a mediocre loose chick, dudes are quick to make a claim. And from what I’ve seen, women can be just as territorial. But I can’t speak on that, not until the restraining order goes thru that is. All I know is that guys will be quite upfront about who they’re interested in and after it’s known, it’s all reconnaissance to see who the woman in question really wants out of the crew. Once the match is made and it looks like the dude has sealed the deal, all others back off. Well, the non shady ones at least. But what happens if no claim is made up front?
Saturday night, I went on tour and hit a couple house parties with some friends. When I walked into the final party with the crew, I noticed a few women perked up and shot us glances so I made my way around the room while being introduced to everyone and gauging what was what and who was who. And although I’m not looking, a nice young lady did catch my attention.
A couple minutes went by and her and I were hanging out watching my friend take over the beer pong table like a miniature Kobe, sharing our back stories and cracking jokes. She kept me interested, which is difficult with my goldfish like attention span, and was sending all the usual signals like touching my arm, innuendo ridden jokes, you get the point. In other words, her representative was Grade A. So where’s the problem you may ask…
Well, my friend who brought me to the party met that same young lady earlier at another party held by his friends. I got the feeling he might be interested, but no stake was thrown into the ring and as I said before the young lady and I talked a lot. Towards the end of the night she gave me an opportunity to get her number, so I took the bait. But for some reason, I felt a little apprehensive about the whole thing so I followed up with my friend again at the end of the night to make sure he wasn’t interested. He may or may not be, but seeing that I’m a believer in friends over chicks I may just back off this one.
Which is cool, who knows if I would’ve really called her anyway. But the whole situation made me think – who has the right away when no claim is staked? Would you back off because of the chance that your friend is interested in a chick? Or would you just put on the blinders and move forward if he said he’s not interested?
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And what are these “unrelated reasons” you speak of that have made you decide, Slim, after all that arm rubbin’, side eyein’, and gigglin’ you and ol’ girl were doing, that now you wouldn’t call her even IF your homeboy wasn’t interested?? I’m just curious.
On that other – yeah, go ahead and stake your claim up front. Don’t let my charisma and “assets” snag the dude you were interested in only to be mad at me later and actin’ like either an a) big sulky baby or a b) self-righteous pouty bitch because you didn’t speak up.
As you say, Slim, when friends stake their claim up front, those of us who are truly righteous file that bit of information away and keep it moving. We don’t try to encroach on what you’ve already decided (whether he/she wants YOUR ass or not) is “yours”. That “after-the-fact” getting mad/sulking/pouting nonsense is straight 6th grade, stuff… “But you KNOW I like-ded him…” Put it out there.
Worst yet is the shy friend who’s secretly crushing on EVERYBODY… Damn, girl who DON’T you like?? (Oh, guys suffer from this as well.) The problem with her/him is that they’re generally too shy to act upon their feelings which puts a chick/dude they’re interested on the shelf, so to speak, never really to be used/liked/dated/smashed.
What a waste… ;D
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 1:22 am
Man, Obama is President and now even Black people are mistaking other Black people. Progress!
For the reason in which I may not call her, please see the article – Nah Shorty, I’m Good.
But you’re right, things would be a lot easier if folks made their claim up front. Do women make the claim pretty obviously?
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niasmomma Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 1:47 am
You know all y’all “type” alike! lol
Mr. Washington… Many, many apologies… Movin’ too fast, bruh; my bad.
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I say LIG it! This is always a recipe for disaster because even if your friend (who met old girl first) wasn’t really that interested, once you holla he would have automatically staked some imaginary claim.
I had a friend who was loving this guy. I met him first (solely to introduce him to her). They hooked up, and six months later he tries to get me at her bday party. Of course she flips it on me and how I wanted him ever since she first “claimed” him. Needless to say after a couple of long months w/o my homgirl, all is well now and old boy is long gone having slept w/ one of her LS’.
Point of that story, the best rule is if you THINK your friend may have wanted to stake a claim, leave it alone there are too many fish in the sea to even risk losing a friendship
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Realistically, the lady holds all the cards in this situation. If he likes her but she likes you, he’s pretty much out the loop. If he’s a real dude, he’ll understand that there is a greater vision in mind and go with the flow. But once again, the lady dictates the action, so if she chooses you, well so be it. He can cry about it, or he can boss up and get back in the game.
“More important than any one man’s life is order.”
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 10:34 am
That is true Mr. Steele. The woman does hold the cards in said situation.
You think that theory holds up if two chicks were chasing after the same dude?
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Reign Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 10:44 am
If two chicks were chasing after the same dude and he only liked chick #2… there will be problems in the land of girlfriends. Chicks aren’t as understanding, there will be drama for some time at least.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Liver Digger Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
You’re asking me how women think? Dude, that question is way above my pay grade.
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Just check with your friend… if he’s not interested, go for the kill. You might be passing up a good opportunity.
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Britt Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Co-sign.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
So if your friend was potentially interested in someone, you’d go for it anyway for the chance that it could be a good thing?
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Britt Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
It depends on the friend. I am a black woman that lives in the same metropolitan area I grew up in. Most of my girlfriends/associates are professionals like me, so we basically know all the same men. Maybe I see Simon and think he’s hot. If he shows interest in Shamika, then of course I am not going to pursue Simon. But if all of us think he is a nice-looking guy and he happens to choose me I am not going to turn him down because my friend finds him attractive. Crushes are fair game.
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As far as I’m concerned y’all would just be friends at this point..especially since you mentioned that you were not “looking”…if it gets past that point..maybe you should run it past your boy..but do not ask for permission. Just mention that you were feeling the convo you had with so and so and that you spoke on the phone a few times..and if he wants to stake his claim he will speak up. This way no grimeness is going on, you are not hididng anything and its out in the open so that HE makes the decison or speaks up- not you. Was your boy tryna strike up a convo with her at this particular party? Or was he distracted by other females and or activities?
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I’ve always been apprehensive regarding the “claim”, theory. I mean, I have mad respect for my friends and would defer to them first when making a choice simply out of said respect, but I always get this weird feeling that laying claim on someone is sorta treating them as if they’re some inanimate object that can’t make a decision for themselves. I mean, why does the pursuer only get to make the choice? The pursued must have some say in the matter, right?
Let’s say two ninjas are interested in a chick. Ninja A layed claim on her first. Ninja B is a tad salty because of this. However, Chick C is actually more interested in Ninja B, which makes Ninja A saltier than the Atlantic Ocean. What’s a ninja to do?
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RightCoastLexSteele, Liver Digger Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Kung fu.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Eiffel Tower?
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RightCoastLexSteele, Liver Digger Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Cincinnati bowtie?
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Cheekie Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Hot mess, both of ya’ll.
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Unfortunately, this “man law” sometimes works out very unfairly for the woman involved. I can recount several instances where I—or one of my friends—was directly affected by the uncertainty of “the claim.”
Scenario: Girl is feelin dude. Dude is feelin girl. Dude doesn’t make next move.
Girl finally asks: “What’s good? I’m feelin you, and I know you feelin me.”
Dude: “I know, girl…but my dude,
BitchesAmbiguous, is feelin’ you.”Girl: “Who? I don’t even know who that is. I’ve never heard of/seen/talked with this person of whom you speak in my life.”
Dude: “Oh, word? Well…he still likes you. I can’t do my man like that.”
End Scene
So you mean to tell me, that even if I don’t even know the dude…never interacted with or even noticed him…that you can’t talk to me because he has a crush from far away?! GTFOHWTBS! I just feel like there should be limitations. I realize this works in reverse, too. One of my homegirls is dating this dude on the low and won’t tell anyone cuz her friend is crushin on this dude hard. But, of course,
she ain’t cutehe has no idea. If you can’t man/woman up, I feel like that’s your loss, and it’s not fair to the other person.Reply
RightCoastLexSteele, Liver Digger Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Here’s the thing. Sec IV, article II of the Man Laws state:
“Bros before —”
You know the rest. It’s cool, you can disregard the law as most b*tch a$$ cats do, but realize you gotta face the music at some point. Theoretically shorty will probably only be around for months, probably wont make it to wifey status, but your boys stick w/ you for life. (At least they should.)
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Word.
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Cheekie Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Umm…what’s the female equivalent…oh yes:
“Chicks before —”
I’m sure you know the rest.
But, anyhow. I feel you, Nyela. You raise a very valid point and that does happen far too often. Fellas, take heed to the late great Bernie Mac. Man up! Do some push ups or somethin’!
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RightCoastLexSteele, Liver Digger Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
…If only chicks actually lived by it…
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
You know what…I’m going to use this opportunity to present an “aww” moment. Actually, it’s the best, most notable, example of this “bro’s before —” thang.Love Actually, anyone? For those who don’t get the reference, there was a dude (Mark) who’s best friend (Peter) got married. He was always short and curt with the wife (Juliet), and she assumed he hated her. Long story short…he was madly in love with her but could never tell her (for obvious reasons), and so he had to limit his convo’s and interactions with her for his own sanity and to preserve the sanctity of friendship. Now that’s true loyalty…
Wait for it…wait for it…awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Damn, it feels good to be the admin. ~Slim
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Only you could turn “Bros before H—” into an aww moment.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
As a faithful commenter, I feel violated. smh
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Cheekie Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Slim is now a registered comment offender. Put that sign in front of your crib!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Would you like it if you and the girls were having a romance movies and tissue night and I came dribbling a basketball past the tv and burped on the way by?lol.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Omg how did i miss this ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
I’m choking on my damn green tea lol
Yea that dude Mark is a punk I dont like romance flicks ..does the movie show him beating off to her pic? just curious….
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Cheekie Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
@ Slim: “Would you like it if you and the girls were having a romance movies and tissue night and I came dribbling a basketball past the tv and burped on the way by?lol.”
LMAO @ “burped on the way by”. You HAD to add that didn’t you?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Yes. I had no choice. The punchline is critical. lol.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Liver Digger Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
DAMN IT FEEL GOOD TO SEE PEOPLE UP ON IT!
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I co-signs with Nyela on this one. This chick might not even know your friend likes her, or even exists! So you’re gonna diss the cool chick, ‘cuz your friend might be interested in her but won’t admit it? Thumbs down!!
Assuming your friend is a normal (read: not delusional or highly sensitive) dude, he shouldn’t really be catchin too many feelings.
Besides, you guys have it easy. With females, its much harder to maneuver around the situation when your homegirl stakes her semi-claim. Take advantage of that advantage!
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MaPockets Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I third that.
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Back on the Scene, its PEYSO Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
I think you should force your friends to talk to whatever girl/boy he or she claims
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4got to mention, 3ways Fam (or maybe morso directed to SoWhatiff):
Can ya’ll do a post on BMs(baby mamas) and how to deal (if you must)? I have some homies that refuse to listen to me when I tell them its not the best idea…and the drama follows…
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When I think about it, there are degrees of “claim staking”… The results for some people, then, really seem to depend on the scenario. There are scenarios where a) your friend has an undeveloped, from afar type “crush” on the person of interest, b) your friend and the person of interest have conversed a few times on the phone and have hung out or gone on a date already, with nothing set in stone, or c) your friend and the person of interest have already “crossed the line”, but the person of interest is now feeling you more than the friend. I’m sure there are some degrees in between… It really doesn’t matter to me, though. I don’t split hairs *pause* If you ever were even REMOTELY feelin’ my friend, I’m straight on you, n0o matter how fine you are… You’re no longer appetizing to me… Now maybe that’s an internal mechanism I have created over the years so that situations like these are no-brainers, but I think, in general, in order to play it safe, when your friend expresses interest in someone, you should just back off.
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interesting topic/story.
i agree with rightcoast. even if your boy likes her, if she likes you, there’s nothing you can really do about it. if i were your boy i would chalk it up and let you get at ole’ girl. there are plenty of other women out there (and truth be told they do the “choosing” the majority of the time).
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Ok I think there is a hex put on me or something..I’m not able to get the usual flood of reply e-mails to my inbox…so I am not able to follow today’s convo…I give up…and yes I checked the damn box!!!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Damn, that was actually done on purpose. The company that hosts this site got at me about our resource usage cuz we get it too poppin. I had to cut out a few things. I’ll add that back right now and you should be good.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
*pouting and sniveling*
Okay thanks Slim…too poppin??? Never!!!!!!
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I’m late but who cares. I am a firm believer that Man Law states that you must do one of three options. a) fight to the death play a game of Madden for her, b) who ever owes someone money cedes the girl or c) compete. I think competition brings out the best, however, there should be no negative recruiting as I liked to call it. When you visit Columbia/Harvard for a football recruiting trip, they shouldnt spend their time telling you why you shouldnt go to Penn. Ultimately, it may make you go to Penn, or at least thats how i feel.
On a sidenote, this wasnt sent to my google reader today. Ya struggling out here in the streets
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Back on the Scene, its PEYSO Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Furthermore, the squad just wants the cumulative body. And we’ll take it whatever way we can by deploying whomever has the best chances….
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RightCoastLexSteele, Liver Digger Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Co-sign. Only problem is some people cant handle competition, hence certain situations. But if son cant understand that it’s a cumulative body, then he needs to get dropped from the squad immediately. To hell w/ cap space.
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If your boy holla’d at her first then he’s got dibs. Period. Now if the chick don’t show any interest in him then she’s game. You just have to be careful that you don’t sway her choice in him versus you or present yourself in a fashion where its him vs you.
Now if the chick is a Jump…different story.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Liver Digger Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
JUMP, JUMP!!
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Cheekie Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
“JUMP, JUMP!!”
…Kriss Kross will make ya…
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