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Random Things Men Think About
"Ehhh, I Got Nothing..."
In my twenty some odd years on Earth, there’s one thing that has been a constant – women will always ask men what they’re thinking and men will say, “Nothing babe.” I promise, we’re really not that complicated. However I will admit that when we do have thoughts floating around, they don’t get any further than the walls of our skulls. So here I am putting the ego, and the emo, aside to hopefully help our female readers understand their male counterparts. Or at the very least prevent an argument for a fellow Cocksman.
We’re Deathly Scared of Marriage, But We’re Not Opposed To It
You know the deal, we’re verbally apprehensive about spending the rest of their lives with one person. But what you probably don’t know is that we don’t want to be single forever. Furthermore, we’re looking for that one person who we wouldn’t mind being handcuffed to for the rest our lives too. And it’s a lot more romantic in our minds. Yep…
Yeah We Didn’t Remember What You Told Us To Do, So Thanks For That Gentle Reminder
Sure we’ll remember to DVR The Real Housewives of [Insert Unfortunate City Here]. Ok, we’ll actually remember once you ask us about it, maybe right before, but most likely, right as you start talking to us about something totally unrelated. It was definitely a dude that invented that DirecTV feature that allows you to records shows from wherever you are. Don’t you worry, we’ll do it – we just may forget to actually do it for a few moments. That is unless, we have an invested interest in it. Which brings me to my next point…
Some of the Horrible Shows You Watch, We Actually Don’t Mind Watching
Bravo… Sigh… Honestly, Cake Boss is the truth. The chick that tells people off in their own hair salons, quite comical. I’m highly entertained by a fellow asshole and their witty comments. Especially someone who can walk into someone else’s joint and tell them they’re effing up. Priceless. The Real Housewives? I can’t co-sign every city, yes I’ve seen a couple, but I did enjoy watching those chicks banter and bicker. Actually, “You’re a low budget biiiiiiitch.” became one of my favorite sayings. Eff it, the chicks are funny. ::checks, yep, man card is still intact::
We Wonder If You’re Wearing Those Special Panties
You know the ones we’re talking about. The ones from that time… We’d actually take any pair except the grannies. And even then it could work. They’re just going to be on the ground anyway. ::Shrugs shoulders::
We [Insert Degree of Affection Here] Ya, But We Need to Get the F*^% Away From You Sometimes
After awhile, we need to compensate for watching Bravo (or whatever other testosterone sapping channel you had us watching) and make sure our nuts are still there by going out, drinking a beer, eating some fried dead chicken appendages and watching some sort of athletic spectacle. The more brutal the better. I like watching UFC. It gives me the immediate testosterone boost I need to wipe out Nene or Gretchen or Slade (did I get that right?) out of my mind for a few. You’re awesome, but I can’t appreciate all that awesomeness if I see you all the time. Just like how God makes the stars disappear in the daytime babe. Get it?
::On my Jodeci ish::
We’re Scared of Getting Hurt Too
Someone once said that men actually love harder than women and that when we’re hurt it takes us longer to recover from it all. Me? I say, men have feelings and shit. Moving on…
We Don’t Want to Know How Sexy [Insert Athlete, Musician or Actor Here] Is
Next time Eva Mendes is on screen, expect us to make all types of inappropriate comments about her Butter Pecan Rican ass. That feel good? OK, that’s what I thought. Or maybe I’ll just tune everything out and eye Padma Lakshmi. Like I said fellas, Bravo isn’t so bad after all.
We Wonder If You’re in the Mood
…Because we are. Yep, we are.
We Actually Like When You Come to Us Distressed
Not in a sadistic way, but men are problem solvers. It makes us feel like a man, and more than that, like your man. Being the first person you turn to when you’re in trouble is kind of an honor. Though it’s not such a distinct honor when you’re mad about breaking your nail, stubbing your toe, that broad you despise or something else we deem insignificant.
*Please Note* – “The Insignificant Scale” is determined by the man in question. There is no set common law, so don’t ask your male friend(s).
What Would Happen If I Just…
It’s like the lotto – you can’t win if you don’t play.
We [Insert Degree of Affection Here] Ya & Think You Look [Insert Synonym for "Pretty" Here]
You say we don’t tell you how great you look or how we feel about you, but you should know indecent poetic thoughts rattle around in our brain so much that we think we said it to you. Yeah, that sounds right. One can also blame it on the fact that when you walk out of the bathroom in that particular outfit, the blood rushes from one head to the other depriving us of all necessary cranial functions. Including speech. ::The More You Know!!!::
That’s more than enough random tidbits from the mind of a not so married man to keep the ladies satisfied for awhile. Awhile meaning the time it takes to read this and go to the comments. So is there anything else that the fellas can add? Do the women agree or are you calling bull….? And is there anything else that you women want to know? Don’t play games, you know there is. Let’s get it started.
Seattle – Regaining My Inner Monologue Like Austin Powers - Washington
47 Responses to “Random Things Men Think About”
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hmm… guess this answers a lot of questions…
i am infamous for the “what are you thinking?” especially after being asked too… sadly, if i’m on the phone i’m normally wondering something about what someone just tweeted or whether there’s another criminal minds coming on… lol
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I personally don’t get the whole marriage thing with men. It’s like, you men spend so much time cracking on your married buddies, or a female who seems to commitment pushy or whatever and constantly speak so negatively about marriage, but it’s still something u want??
I mean I know my man wants to marry me one day, but he still equates it to the domestic equivalent of jail or prison. I mean damn…to be honest, that doesn’t comfort me at all. If you don’t wanna do it then don’t (that’s the way I see it), but don’t make me feel like a warden instead of a wife.
Oh and yes…we’re in the mood, just go for it.
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Peyso Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 10:00 am
For so many men, myself included, the essence of being a man is the ability to go out and do whatever he wants w/ reckless abandon a little responsibility. We understand that being a man does mean that you are responsible for others though and that is what attracts most men to marriage. Even though we’re gaining something, we’re still sad about losing what we have grown so accustomed to.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 11:21 am
Couldn’t have said it better.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Preach!
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“We’re Deathly Scared of Marriage, But We’re Not Opposed To It”
LOL,…see the trouble with this statement is that we know you think it and feel it. I had a complex about it for a good lil bit with Mr Mister because all I heard was what he was losing, what he had to give up, what he wasn’t going to be able to do…you know how sucky that’s makes the woman in your life feel? The joy you have over finally being one with the man you love diminishes because if you love him, you want him to be happy and since he doesn’t sound/seem happy because he has to give up things that give him joy, you feel like you’re in the way because he has not once mentioned anything about what he would be gaining, or even if he was happy to be marrying you…it just made him seem resigned to it.
After a couple of months of feeling like crap and going back and forth in my mind and hiding it, after another round of the “I can’t's” I just sat him down and told him how it made me feel and asked him why he wanted to marry me if he felt like he was losing so much and if he wanted to change his mind or wait until he was really ready. First, he looked like I hit him with a 2×4 and got nervous that I didn’t want to marry him anymore, then when I told him how I felt about the constant negativity the light bulb went off in his head and he saw it from my side and began to tell me things he only thought in his head.
Fellas…just like y’all make the accusation that y’all aren’t mind readers…neither are we, lol.
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Nik Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 10:56 pm
Thank you! That is the point I was trying to make. All i see/hear is what you’re losing and not gaining. Seeing/Hearing marriage being painted in such a negative light just makes me more apprehensive about it, maybe even more than you.
So help a sista out man, talk ish about wives and marriage to your boys out of earshot, of someone like me, lol. I already have enough reservations about the whole thing without the snarky comments.
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You didn’t touch enough on feelings..and how men express their feelings to the woman they love. See, this is the thing. I want to know why it is so difficult for a man to get in touch with his feelings and expressing them…..I know some men are very expressive but a large majority are not….
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 9:06 am
You ask a good and timeless question. I kinda wrote about this. We do show and express are feelings if you’ll do a few simple things…non-sexual things. http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/baby-feelings/
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You had me at “You’re awesome, but I can’t appreciate all that awesomeness if I see you all the time. Just like how God makes the stars disappear in the daytime babe. Get it?”
I don’t have much of a comment but great post Mr. Washington. This breaks down a lot of the “unknowns” but the marriage one makes my heart light. Lol I might come back with more to say ^_^
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I this appreciate list…its always nice to read about the male perspective.
I just wanted to add that the panties may also end up on the lampshade or the ceiling fan… #justsayin
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 11:26 am
“Where… Where… Where are my panties?”
Shout out to Andre 3 Stacks.
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“Some of the Horrible Shows You Watch, We Actually Don’t Mind Watching” – This is the truth! I’ve recently gain an appreciation for Oxygen, Lifetime, We and Bravo. I effs w/ the Salon show, Bridezilla’s is hilarious, Platinum Weddings is the MTV Cribs of Weddings and I like women who go nuts over a dress on Say Yes to the Dress. Reciprocity is important though and I put my gf on to the Office, Golden Girls and King of Queens.
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S0_Flyy Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 10:06 am
I’m glad you said it first! I love Say Yes to the Dress!! And watching it w/ him… even better.
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[yes... I use the same name everywhere... lol.]
Anywhozers… I love this post! It had me rollin at my desk. I think my favorites are the one-liners. “We Wonder If You’re in the Mood & What Would Happen If I Just…” I think I have a lot in common w/ men on that last one b/c I stay thinking about alternate possibilities if I just…
I’m actually giving big ups on the one about coming to your partner distressed. I was going to the WRONG man in distress (an ex, I might add) whenever I needed the male perspective on things. He was taking as an ‘honor’ & thinking that I still saw him as a solid in life… I can’t deny that I was kind of thinking that way, I was also trying to rid my system of him. Now I know where I went wrong…
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“We Actually Like When You Come to Us Distressed”
I am not so sure about this one, at least from my vantage point. Maybe MySweetiePie missed this memo…lol.
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Aside: It’s so fly around here. Nice digs.
I wanna follow up on QueenT’s question about feelings. Why has it always been deemed as “weak” to show your feelings? Mainly by men, but by society in general. Do enough truly realize that it’s actually strong to show your feelings? I mean, think about what it takes to be vulnerable to someone. It’s not easy, is it? Well, badda bing. You’re actually strong for tearing those emotional walls down. Superman, even.
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Peyso Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
“Mainly by men” – False. There are women who really dont like their men that way. Furthermore, men are afraid of being seen as the “emotional arse ninja” which, as shown on this blog, will keep the vag stache dry as a desert.
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Cheekie Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Right, I said “society in general” which includes women. And I said “mainly”, not “only”. But, I think there are more women who try to push men to show their feelings than there are men who will actually do it.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Peyso officially handles my light work. Co-sign on that comment. Again.
A lot of women want a dude to open up, but do it too much and that guy will instantly turn into a Kleenex soft ass Negro. Men often have to toe that line between being softer than Gerber and emotionally uninvolved.
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Cheekie Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
“A lot of women want a dude to open up, but do it too much and that guy will instantly turn into a Kleenex soft ass Negro.”
Why, though? Isn’t that more of the guy’s problem than the woman who urged them to open up? Open up doesn’t mean “automatically become a big baby”, it simply means tear down some of those walls.
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MeteorMan Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Open up doesn’t mean “automatically become a big baby”, it simply means tear down some of those walls.
And that is exactly the point… That line varies soooo much from woman to woman. There are as many women who would count crying as a “big baby” tactics as those who wouldn’t. On one hand, women (in general) would say “men shouldn’t be afraid to cry” and the next day be like “This ninja was cryin’ and ish wtf?!?!” and try to use it against a homie during an argument or something. Women (and usually the same woman) plays both sides of the field in terms of this. Not just crying. This even applies to a man just telling a woman what’s been bothering him. Mixed messages (more opposite messages than variations)… Something women do A LOT.
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Cheekie Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
“That line varies soooo much from woman to woman.”
True, by that pertains to anything. A lot of things vary from woman to woman. But do you vary who you are from woman to woman or do you move on to the next one that will appreciate you for you…Carl Thomas emotional and all??
But yeah, I know there is a line drawn in between “hard and cold nicca” and “soft simp nicca”, I’m just askin’ why it gotta be so extreme? It seems like it’s either or. And it shouldn’t be.
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MeteorMan Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
But do you vary who you are from woman to woman or do you move on to the next one that will appreciate you for you…Carl Thomas emotional and all??
I guess both… I not going to change myself in order to be with someone. I want someone to accept me as I am and anything less is uncivilized. However, once you’re with that person, you will indeed change in different ways given each person will affect you differently as well as the will to compromise.
It’s all about the impression you give a homie. If you ask a man to “open up” chances are that you mentioned it more than once and bugged the mess out of him to try to get him to “open up.” All that gives the impression like there’s some kind of support structure. So if homie “opens up” with some information about his childhood. So him telling you this may cause some deep emotional reaction. Now, some women will call him a “soft simp nicca” or others won’t. The alternative is homie telling you flat out NO and now you might perceive him as a “hard and cold nicca” that don’t want to get emotionally closer to you. There’s your extremes. A guy has to know what and what not to share since lady might just be asking, just to ask. Men have to attempt to distinguish someone being curious from them caring and sometimes we get it wrong.
However, if that guy loves you, then that’s a whole other can of worms. (new sometimes old) Love makes everyone crazy/emotional/random-period. It’s unfair to compare extreme states where love is thrown in at only one end. So a “hard and cold nicca” can definitely seem like he became “soft simp nicca” if love is thrown into the mix.
sorry for the book
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Cheekie Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
I appreciate this comment (aka book). Thanks, MeteorMan. Makes a whole lotta sense.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
I’ll tear down some walls…
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Cheekie Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
SMH…lol
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Great post. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Enlightening, yet entertaining.
I just have to contest one thought… Why do you assume I would be mad at ur drooling over Eva Mendez? She’s hot. I appreciate a woman’s booty – I mean beauty just as much as the next guy, if not more. What’s the difference if Selma Hayek comes on tv and I said “Mmmmm boobies!” and if Adam Rodriguez takes his shirt off and I melt in my seat? Either way, I can’t have them. It’s not some sexy chick at the mall or some dude in a uniform walking by. I can understand why that’s a problem since we might actually could holler some day.
But lets face it, neither you nor I will ever have a chance at Adriana Lima (tongue hangs out, panting), so why cant both of us appreciate beauty in all it’s forms? After all, it’s not MY fault you don’t find men attractive the way I do women. =P
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 12:33 pm
…And what would you do if your man suddenly caught the vapors when A-Rod came on the screen?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
My bad. That was me doing something behind the scenes.lol. It won’t happen again during daytime hours.
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i can’t cosign that tv ish. my television has never seen bravo, we, lifetime, etc unless a woman has come into my house and put it on those stations. even then i would leave the room and watch something else on my other tv. men do have baseline levels of estrogen and i would like to keep mine there. i don’t need any estrogen spikes.
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Peyso Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Dawg, i dont turn to it on my own but i’ll watch if she’s watching.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 12:40 pm
Bravo ain’t bad… I’m not watching it independently, but if it’s on, I’m not going to put a fork in my eye.
However, I would rather sit in a sensory deprivation chamber than watch Lifetime, We or Oxygen.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
LOL. I love the qualifications of when yall watch Bravo. There is nothing wrong with tuning in to Top Chef on your own.
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Yo Tengo Superior Genetic Makeup Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
Oxygen has this show called “Snapped”. All men should watch it. It’ll keep shit in perspective for ya.
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“Just like how God makes the stars disappear in the daytime babe. Get it?”
I.LOVE.IT.
Great post ~ Mel
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“We Actually Like When You Come to Us Distressed”
This is where I’ll have to disagree with my comrad here. I’d like to amend this particular comment. I don’t disagree that us men we do like solving problems but I don’t think most men would want to hear distress questions at the wrong time.
My question to Mr. Starbucks here….Would you really want the ‘distress moment/questions’ to come at you when the Yanks are down a run and they have runners in scoring position during the bottom of the 8th? Would you like to have this distress moment happen while watching MNF and the team down 7 is charging up the field for a winnning TD in the 4th with less than a minute left?
I think timing also needs to be considered when it comes to this item.
FIN
-BBW
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Yo Tengo Superior Genetic Makeup Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Of course not, but we all know women have horrible timing. Just horrible.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
I’ve begun to think that they do it on purpose. That there’s some kind of Spidey sense that let’s them know that it’s the worst possible time to call a man and then they act on it immediately.
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MeteorMan Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
I agree. I think it’s a test to see if our verbal acknowledgment of their importance matches up with what we feel. Kinda sucks though… No, it really sucks that given its really manipulative, its still somewhat acceptable. I believe that A LOT of things women do are just to test us. That’s why I feel that trying to avoid hurting feelings will only put yourself in a rut. Either I care or I don’t and she’s really important or she isn’t, I be straight up. They won’t be the happiest, but they’ll get over it.
Woman friend: “Who’s the lady you’re dating?”
Me: “Just some female…”
Woman friend: “Doesn’t she have a name?”
Me: “For all intensive purposes, to you, she doesn’t have a name.”
Woman friend: “Why not? Isn’t she important?”
Me: “No. It’s only been 2 dates. She’s definitely not important enough for you to know her by name.”
Woman friend: “That’s messed up.”
Me: “No. It’s the truth. How can she be important when I still don’t know who she is?”
Woman friend: “ugh!” *disgusted look*
True story… lol
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Quality addendum.
The worst is having to deal with “distress” when you’re at work. Or worse yet, when you’re actually doing work.
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Miss Dimples Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Maybe that explains why MSP seems so irritated when/if I ask for help. Timing is one thing but who really plans to be in distress at the critical sports moment? *Not I,* said The Duck.
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Good shyt Queens!
Id also say the “successful” thought rattles in my brain and other men
Remember this: http://www.singleblackmale.net/2009/05/20/i-just-want-to-be-successful/
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I love the male perspective you are giving. Check out my female perspective at http://www.theposhmiss.com.
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Random thing that just popped in my head – chick in the Filipina Wives ad is kinda cute.
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Random thoughts of a 28-year old female: The funny thing is- I could see the title as “Random Things Women Think About” and it would still be applicable. At least for me. Yes, I WOULD like to see a pair of boxers or boxer briefs without skid marks or holes (men- listen up!). UFC is a little much for me but there’s nothing like watching a boxing match or football game to get the adrenaline going. I am freaked out about marriage (one person for the REST of my life, really?!) but am also freaked out about being single forever. I don’t mind watching shows that discuss how to take apart/put together an engine, Sports Center, or any other male-centered shows (The Man Show cracks me up). Being around anyone all the time is not that great and I need my breaks too. So men, keep the faith that there really are women out here that wear cute clothes, don’t nag, enjoy being away from you at times, and can relax with a beer and a game. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
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Glad to hear a man’s insight and someone speaking the truth about the issues that women always wonder about. Be sure to continue to visit http://www.theposhmiss.com.
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