Marriage Insurance
**Admin edit to save my friendship: Shout out to my boy Cheekz for suggesting this as a blog topic!**
Contrary to what those in my inner circle of friends may think, I’m pretty damn far away from marriage. We see so many people around us getting engaged or posting pictures from weddings on Facebook and the slums of the Internet Myspace that it seems inevitable that one of us is going to bite the dust sooner rather than later. And by sooner, I mean be engaged within 2 years.
I work in an environment where most of the people around me are married or headed in that dreadful direction. One of my good buddies at work talks to his wife multiple times daily. It’s so cute yet so ugly a thought to me sometimes. I tease him about Wifeykins O’cuddles, but at the same time hope that I’m that pleasant when I speak to the wife daily in 2020 **shuttering**. The young married women in the office and beyond find ways to mention their hubbykins in conversations that have nothing to do with relationships. Being around the people I interact with daily, you wouldn’t think that 50% of marriages end in divorce. I see the peachy side of things in my work environment that coincidentally happens to be all white with the exception of 1. I’m not mad or envious of this. I’m just making an observation.
I typically don’t see and/or hear about this level of apparent happiness from my Black and/or Latino brethren. When I talk to dudes about their conditions for marriage (to women), one of the first things that comes up as somewhat of a necessity is the prenuptial agreement (marriage insurance). I used to be shocked by this “requirement” seeing that a marriage should be based on trust and other associated good stuff. But in an era where trust and loyalty are as disposable as a full-time job in a good economy, nothing is guaranteed. We’ve grown progressively more selfish as we’ve progressed. Yes, you read correctly. Some of us would rather protect our assets than our relationships. Then again, relationships don’t pay the bills…unless you’re getting half.
I hadn’t given much thought to the prenup until the last few months. There’ve been too many stories in the media of someone snatching half from hubby. Someone eating off of his success even in situations where he didn’t necessarily slide off. I’m aspiring to be a big deal at some point with the 7 digit bank account. The same can be said of my friends. We all agree that we don’t want someone taking half of that. But let us tell a woman that we want a prenup and see where that goes…
Shock, outrage, anger, and “Baby you don’t trust me?!”
Maybe there are women out there who want the same thing as men when it comes to the prenup . Maybe what I see in my office is an accurate portrayal of what can be in terms of marriage regardless of race and without worry of its end. Maybe everybody I work with or come in contact with through work is putting on a front to mask a debilitating relationship. Who knows.
Anywho, what say you all on the topic of prenuptial agreements (pronounced marriage insurance) and the increased self-consideration that takes precedence before marriage? Or maybe the better question is where has all the trust gone? Relax.Relate.Speculate.
Wondering if Geico can save what the counselor can’t,
- Help Us Grow!
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There is a muslim prayer that goes along the lines of “Trust in Allah, but tie your camel”. That’s how I feel about prenuptial agreements
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streetz Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Cosign 100% My camels will remain under a tent in the Sahara my G! WE WANT PRENUP! Its only right. I dont believe in a woman getting half your assets, especially when she had nothing to do with it other than a pat on the back and some dome/pum pum for a job well done!
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Reign Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 10:00 am
What type of unmotivated needy women are yall dating?? Yea I support and give my man a pat on the back but he better da*n well recognize that I’m about to get my paper too and need to give me a pat on back or a$$ for a job well done. With more “independent” women nowadays, we want a prenup too. We have assets to protect.
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My father and his wife have a prenup and in it it states that if either committs adultery the prenup is null and void. I think that is fair. I think i’d have to add if we have two or more kids I should receive alimony to pay the mortgage so the kids can sustain our lifestyle, or he can pay it directly. (my father and his wife were done with kids so the kid clause wasn’t needed). My father told me I should include a kid clause. But, then again isn’t marriage supposed to be till death do us part? Is it fair to plan our relationship’s demise just as its going to a new level? The bussiness woman i’ve been groomed to be says secure your assets. But the woman in me says marriage is forever so why plan the end.
I suppose it depends on how old I am when I get married. And since ideally i’d like to be 30 I’ll probablly go for a prenup as I should have more assets by then
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Shelia Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
“My father and his wife have a prenup and in it it states that if either committs adultery the prenup is null and void. I think that is fair.”
Satya, that’s the kind of prenupt I’ll be getting and I’m definately getting one.
I would like to think I will be married until death do us part but reality is folks change and you don’t want to get caught without a net.
I’m glad this topic was brought up because I’ll be having a prenupt conversation tonight. I have too many assets to not get a prenupt so if ol’ dude doesn’t want to sign one, then he’s S-O-L.
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you know what, I dont have a problem with pre nups as long as they are fairly outlined and its not something you spring on me at the last minute. I feel the same way about paternity tests. I also think it should only protect the assets that you had prior to the marriage anything acquired during should be split equally. If I had assets and money to protect prior to getting married I would feel I had a right to consider the protections so I dont begrudge anyone else that same choice. That being said, that’s something I need to be fully aware of during the course of the relationship and not something you pop on me the day before cause your boy, or your daddy told you to.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 9:30 am
In what way do you feel the same about paternity tests? Like if the dude asks to test to make sure the seed is his?
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shay_D_lady Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 9:43 am
meaning that I dont have a problem with a dude asking for a paternity test, again its not about trust necessarily its about protecting your best interest, you can never be 100 percent certain about anything in life really, so as long as it is known upfront and we not at the hospital ready for you to sign the dotted line.. im cool with it …if its your idea. I have more of a problem with either issue when its not your idea but you mans an nem or your family pushed you into it…
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niasmomma Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 10:40 am
What she is saying is – if you feel you need a prenuptial agreement, we should discuss this BEFORE we make wedding plans, etc. A person who is interested in “protecting their assets” should be forthcoming about that information, I think.
The same concept exists with paternity tests. If we’re together/married/just smashing whatever, and I become pregnant, if you feel that you need a paternity test to confirm the child is yours, you need to be up front about that fact. Don’t wait until the birth approaches, or the day of the actual birth, or after the baby is born to state your intentions ESPECIALLY if you don’t expect the relationship to change.
These ARE matters of trust. While they both boil down to just wanting to ensure that you won’t get the shitty end of the deal, if you are not open and honest about how you feel about a prenuptial agreement, when you DO have that conversation with him/her, it may actually change that person’s comfort level/trust level with YOU. “Why didn’t you tell me that in the beginning?”
I don’t really know how I feel personally about prenuptial agreements. In general/in theory, I get them; I understand their purposes, however, I do have a problem with how the agreement itself translates and applies to marriage. Isn’t it literally “beginning with the end in mind”? If one enters into such an agreement, do you share assets and everything UNTIL it’s over? What about alimony? If you’ve been taking care of me for the last 10 years (or less… or more…) you STILL have to take care of me and keep me living the life to which I have grown accustomed in your care.
Then again, people with “old money” and family inheritances/legacies have been doing the prenup thing for years to protect their sh*t… In those circles it’s just the smart, customary thing to do.
I dunno… Something about it just doesn’t sit all the way right with me.
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I don’t have a problem with prenups, because ideally, they shouldn’t even be used. And I don’t think people have a problem with them if their spouse is on the same financial level and is just as successful as his or her spouse.
I can understand why these people get upset at the thought of a prenup:
1. NFL/ NBA wives (for obvious reasons)
2. A woman who has given up/ put her dream on hold to raise the family while the husband is out making money. (If something ever where to happen, she’d pretty much be a$$ed out if his prenup was cut throat.
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Shelia Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
Nikki–that’s when she should do like Shaq’s wife did–invested some of her funds instead of shopping it all away. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a prenupt–its best that each person have seperate attorneys because the one with the most assets attorney will of course write the prenupt in their clients favor.
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This made me laugh hysterically. Idk why. It just did.lol
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RightCoastLexSteele, Innovator Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 9:05 am
I’m actually in talks with Google to start a website called “Ho-fax”. Kinda like car fax.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 9:06 am
lmao! ok THAT made me laugh hystericallier (sp?) lol
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Since being accepted to and graduating from an institution of higher education, my mind has been plagued with this whole prenup thing. I’m more concerned about his getting my money than my getting his. I’ve always had trust issues. So, while I may love and trust him unconditionally, I still owe it to myself to protect what I’ve worked hard for.
I trust God and those with whom I worship, but I still don’t leave my purse on my seat when I go up for communion or offering…
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Shelia Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
“I trust God and those with whom I worship, but I still don’t leave my purse on my seat when I go up for communion or offering…”
ROFLMAO – I know that’s right. Come back to your seat and find your money and your bank card gone (of course no one would have seen anything).
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I have been pro pre-nup since I was 13 (WE WANT PRE-NUP). I grow up in a broken home and always lived my life under the rule “she could just be faking it, don’t get caught up in feelings. think like a cold blooded businessman”
Now I have a wonderful girlfreind who I trust more than my mother. But what do I do about the rule that I made when I was 13? I promised myself I wouldn’t stray, and she is offended that I don’t trust her. She thinks I am just setting myself up if I get caught cheating.
But its a rule! You said you wouldn’t stay with a man that hits you or a guy who is shorter than you. I have rules too.
I like the cheating rule. But if I am the person with more money and she cheats.. how does that help me? We would need an amendment.
I don’t like the child rule, cause family court is already landing you child support based off of how I live my life. I think child support cases due a horrible job with rich man, the rules are loaded in the mother’s favor to make up for all the poor men that don’t make money (see 50 cent, TI, Big Boi, Paul McCartney and Mos Def)
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Do you honestly feel that Mel Gibson’s wife should be getting almost a billion dollars? That’s all I have to say. She can keep her standards of living off of 50 million just as well as she could off of 900 million. The rules are unfair
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I believe that Pre-Nups is something that should be discussed long before the marriage. Women usually are quick to throw shade at a pre-nup because they feel in some ways they are being told that they’re not trusted. When you begin a union [read: marriage] with someone, you’re bringing everything you have to the table. Whether it be a little bit or a lot. It’s yours. So if the relationship doesn’t work out, you have the right to walk away with the things you brought without someone trying to take half. If you & your girlfriend were living together, when you moved in, you brought (not bought) a 32″ Flat Screen. Things didn’t work out. Wouldn’t you want that back? Same for women. If you brought a banging ass sofa over, wouldn’t you want that back.
If you do decide on a pre-nup, don’t write it on a napkin. Just ask Steven Spielberg. He wrote his on a napkin, judge threw it out. His ex got 100 Million PLUS any the royalties from the first installments of his Indiana Jones movies.
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Interesting topic. May be a sign of the times, but I am also in support of a pre-nup. Unfortunately, I see one of my family members suffering from a lack of pre-nup right now. When she got married, this family member was still finishing her degree to be a teacher, and her hubby was a business man. He made really good money, put her up in the big house, etc. Cut to a few years later, this bamma loses his job and never.works.again. Now my fam is doing really well in school system (she’s runnin’ thangs, y’all) with the high 6 salary to match and can’t divorce her loser hubby because she’ll owe him alimony. Their kid is going on 40, so that’s not a concern. That’s the type of ish that will make people “disappear” under the basement stairs.
It’s not really about trust, I think. It may be a little businesslike when you’re trying to get your romance on, but it’s really the most practical choice. I don’t want to think about myself or my SO passing away, but if we neglect the possibility it will bite us in the booty later. Same thing with kids….the only thought more terrible than your child passing away is wondering how you will pay for the final arrangements. Get the insurance and just pray you never have to use it.
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Shelia Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Anna, I’ve seen it where the woman has had to pay alimony and child support if the man keeps the child.
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I’m ok with the pre-nup.
I encourage it.
Not sure I’m ready for marriage..I like that some of my friends are marriage guinea pigs…
I experience the same thing with the hubby being included in all convos regardless of relevance…its cool with me, like i said guinea pigs..I’m taking notes.
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For the most part, I don’t agree with prenups. Now, it’d be different if the individuals involved had significant assets to protect (as a professional athlete or a high powered business woman) at the time of the marriage.
But, for those under 30, renting a home and/or making less than $100K? Nah…
I mean, let’s use the Obama’s as an example. President and Mrs. Obama got married as newly graduated law students in debt. Both had great careers (she was making more than him while he was a Senator), but Mr. Obama decided to run for Pres. and Mrs. Obama was at his side, cheering him on, taking care of his children and campaigning for him.
Mr. Obama was able to write books (which has earned him most of THEIR fortune) and run for Senator and President because he had a supportive spouse at his side. Now, if God forbid they got a divorce, she is entitled to a portion of that fortune. She quit her job to become his support system. He couldn’t have done it without her.
If I marry you while you are regular and during the course of our marriage you become superb, you better believe I had something to do with that! Whether it’s being your support system, keeping up the house, attending Christmas parties to play the Michelle Obama role or having your babies, I will have done many things over the course of our marriage to stake claim in your professional and financial advancements.
When I get married, I’m “in it to win it” so if a ninja comes at me with some prenup mumbo jumbo (and we’re both on the same playing field professionally and financially) I will tell him to keep it movin because he should have the mindset that we are going to build our fortune TOGETHER, not separately.
Besides, aren’t prenups really setting yourself up for failure?
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CHeeKZ McReason Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Well you example doesn’t work, cause the Obamas made over 100k, so they qualify for a pre-nup.
I think Michelle should get a good chunck of money that she earned while they were married. I mean she really worked hard at getting him elected.
But I think future income she should keep her hands off, esp since she can earn just as much as he can. Her approval ratings are higher than his.
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Britt Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 10:33 am
The OBAMAS were NOT making 100k when they graduated from law school. Michelle went the big firm route (which paid in the 80k range at that time) and Obama went to a civil rights law firm.
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Ash Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Yes, the example does work because the Obamas didn’t make over 100K until they had been married for years. So, at the time of the prenup, neither of them had any significant assets to protect.
It wasn’t until they had been married for some time that they had any financial assets worth worrying about. And they built that fortune together.
And of course Michelle should get a part of that future income. He has the life he has in part because of her. She has had a hand in all of his successes and failures, defeats and triumphs. She is his rock, his right hand. She made it her job to make help him realize his dream. Many would say she sacrificed her own success to help him get to where he is. While that was her decision, should she be punished for it down the line?
Some would argue that Mrs. Obama didn’t realize her own earning potential because she was willing to step aside and support her husband. But, if he just up and decides to leave her one day, I believe he owes it to her to maintain the lifestyle that they earned together. He just happens to be the one who benefitted from a bunch of hard work on both of their parts.
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Britt Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
In addition, people who have to work for a living (as opposed to people like Oprah whose money is making money for them or the Waltons, who stand to inherit ungodly amounts of money) probably shouldn’t be worried about pre-nups. If you are working for your money, this discussion is probably not for you.
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Wow, you are in my head! (or is Cheekz…well it was his idea, but you posted it the day after I was thinking about it).
“I see the peachy side of things in my work environment that coincidentally happens to be all white with the exception of 1.”
Yup, this is pretty much my situation. My surrounding coworkers (3 2520s, 1 from India, 1 Mexican) are all either married or engaged. Even the 2520 chick that is a year younger than me is engaged. I’m always left out of their “marriage talk”, and automatically think of my “status” in terms of race. I’m a Black woman, thus the non-married label amongst the married folks (sadly) makes a lot of sense. I’m not saying I’m in a rush to get married, I’m just saying it’s no surprise that I haven’t yet and they have.
As for the pre-nup, I encourage it as well. This ain’t Disney and I don’t burst into song with bluebirds. The reality is a big fat divorce rate thrown in my face. I don’t wanna think about that mess, but it’s there whether I want to think about it or not. Marriage is definitely based on trust. I trust you better get a pre-nup or your arse will be caught up. it’s cool to be all lovey-dovey and whatnot, but once money becomes involved in marriage then it becomes a business.
And though over the years the “Baby, you don’t trust me!” has been coming from women, well, more and more of us are starting to wear the britches. So, we’re starting to really feel men on why they decide to get one since we have our own ish to salvage.
On the other hand, I’m in full support of clauses such as cheating. Karma will most definitely cut that check. Ka-ching!
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CHeeKZ McTelepathy Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 10:34 am
since we have such a great connection… wanna be my e-boo?
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Cheekie Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Sure, babe. The similarities in our monikers ain’t nothin’ but fate.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Innovator Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Gonna get a e-nup?
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Cheekie Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
LOL…oh Lord.
But to answer your question: You knows it.
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I agree, a pre-nup is like insurance. However, I think if (black) men and women knew a little more about pre-nups men would be less eager to get them and women would be more.
The future is a mystery for all of us, no matter how well or poorly we are doing right now. You can put whatever you want in a pre-nup. It is designed to LESSEN your loss, not eliminate it.
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wow what a sad world we live in where marriage is viewed as a business and one that may fail at that…..I agree with Ash I’m not gonna get married unless its til death do us part..a union blessed and favored by the LORD, that we both enter into dedicated and committed to making it work for us both.
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ashbunnie Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 11:06 am
you say that now. but when you become more successful than him, ya’ll divorce and he then is ENTITLED to half, then I guarantee you wont be singing that tune.
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TRUE Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Marriage is a business arrangement Orangstar
You have to get a license, sign a contract, say an oath, split your duties, live under the same roof and come to agreements.
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Shelia Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
“I’m not gonna get married unless its til death do us part..a union blessed and favored by the LORD, that we both enter into dedicated and committed to making it work for us both.”
There have been plenty of men and women who had the same intentions but unfortunately life happened and they ended up getting a divorce. Prenuptials are not bad things.
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LOL
My former coworker use to say “Marriage licences should expire like Driver’s Licences” LMAO!!!!!!
I don’t plan on getting married, but if fate should have me in that situation again, I would happily sign a prenup that I dont want none of his SHIT.
I am divorced and only asked he help me with the kids. I get no child support (not anymore, he gave me what he could and it wasn’t court ordered), no alimony. I didn’t ask for the house or nothing. I only asked for the car he was paying for but even that wasn’t a court order. I just wanted my sanity.
He still lives well off and I live in the “hood” but its mine and no man can take it away.
So give me that pen baby…you can keep your shit..I only want you!!!
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I definitely agree with prenups b/c besides giving someone half, you can be held liable for your spouse’s debts, unless you contract it out with a prenuptial agreement. So any bad financial or business moves your spouse makes can effect you, unless you contract it out in your prenuptial agreement. So, sometimes it may not even be about the person not getting half your money.
However, I never think about things in terms of someone getting half of what I have, but lately, my female friends and I who are all finishing law school this semester have started talking about that, since we have met a few male gold diggers, and my bar review class has been going over equitable distribution in divorces.
I hate to think about things that way, but I said “whew!” (b/c I am not married) when the prof said if you married during law school, and later divorced (NY law) your spouse is entitled to half of the value of your professional degree (i.e. – accounting, law, medical, business, etc) and half of future earnings. I agree that if someone has been there for you and put off their education or life for you to complete a professional degree, then they should get half. However, if I met someone my 2L year and got married this year, he might have loved me when we married, but I am not so sure I would want him to have half of the value of MY law degree that I worked and suffered for, if we were divorced.
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TRUE Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Remi they called “gigilos”
ewww
Much success to ya
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i think for me it would depend at what stage in my life/career i met my wife.
if i meet my future wife before i start making cheese then no i don’t want a prenup because regardless of how much she actually made, she prob held me and supported me. in the event that we do get divorced after that then she is entitled to my assets.
now if i meet my future wife after i have been established in my career and am making a substantial amount of money then i would definitely want a pre-nup. i don’t have time for someone to be trying to come up off my hard work.
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im all about the prenups simply because i also expect to make the big bucks, and i don’t plan on sharing it if my husband and I get a divorce. i’m also a fan of having separate bank accounts, and a joint account just to pay the bills. i feel like one of the main reasons why people get divorced is because of financial issues, so it’s better to nip that issue in the butt way in the beginning.
i must note that in my prenup there will be a clause that says that if I or my husband cheats and there’s no reconciliation, that’s an automatic half of his/my assets after the divorce.
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Shelia Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
“i feel like one of the main reasons why people get divorced is because of financial issues, so it’s better to nip that issue in the butt way in the beginning.”
Vanessa, finances is one of the number one reasons folks get a divorce. When I get married, I will continue to have my seperate account. I’m not going to hide it from my husband, but he won’t have access to it either.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Word!
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This feedback is pretty interesting. Maybe it’s just the demographics of our readership, but I didn’t expect this many women to be in support of the prenuptial agreement. I stand somewhat corrected. Let’s keep the party going!
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
“I didn’t expect this many women to be in support of the prenuptial agreement.”
We are in the 21st century, Slim. There’s a shortage of housewives these days.
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Cheekie Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
What Nyela said. We gotta cover our assets too, ya know. By the time we grab our man out of the slim pickins, we have already built our own foundation.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Already did a post on the housewife/domestic type folks. Damn, I say I stand partially corrected and people wanna go piggybackin. Fine. I take it back.lol.
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Cheekie Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
“Damn, I say I stand partially corrected and people wanna go piggybackin.”
We’re enjoying the ride.
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Shelia Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
“I didn’t expect this many women to be in support of the prenuptial agreement.”
Slim–times have changed. Prenupts protect both the man and the woman. I feel the more educated people are about prenuptials, the more in agreement they would be on getting one.
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“WE WANT PRENUP!”
I am an avid fan of the prenup and do not hide it. Hell, its usually 2nd or 3rd date conversation for me.
And there is one super serious reason I want a prenup … an Anti-Cheating clause. If my wife cheated on me and took half of my millions, then I would have to do the only honorable thing and stick a samurai sword into my stomach … because this is a world I wouldn’t want to live in!
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I’d never consent to a prenup and neither would I issue one. It’s like having a child and buying him a life insurance policy for his first birthday with a card that reads,
Dear Son, If you happen to get injured or die due to an event beyond our control, we don’t want it to be a complete loss. The money will heal your suffering heart, or ours if you happen to leave us unannounced. Trust me.
First and foremost, money will never heal your heart. It can create a facade of happiness, but once the water that paints your mirage dries up, it’ll hurt even more. One can’t start a marriage talking about what you’re going to do if it fails. Do you start college planning a strategy to get out of academic probation? Or when you get a job do you start looking in to applying for unemployment? If you do, that’s sadly damaging to your psyche because the quality of your thoughts determine the quality of your life. Everyone plans on having money so they can make it rain, who would you be if your aspirations weren’t such? No one. Let’s talk about who has money now, definitely not me, but there is a pretty trust fund which I’m entirely grateful for. If I were to get married tomorrow, I can say that I’d want to share that with the man I choose to share my life with. If a divorce were to knock on my door, I’d remember the “love” we once had and want for him to be financially comfortable, and by comfort I mean a life that is closest to the one we shared together. It’s easy to say, “That trick done broke my damn heart, she ain’t shit, I won’t give her slip and slide pussy a dime!” Yea, ok. That just makes you a bitter, hypocritical person. No one said let her walk with all of it, but half is fair and I think people have a responsibility to themselves and their personal growth to do what is fair.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
i get your point. i totally agree that when you choose to marry someone, you should be fully invested (emotionally), and not “plan” on getting a divorce.
with that said, i dont believe that if two people decide to get a prenup, they are “planning” on getting a divorce. shoot, you write it up and hope that you never have to use it… but it’s there, just in case. none of us knows what will happen in the future… things can be great, or can be absolutely terrible. as much as you can “prepare” yourself in advance, the less you will have to suffer (hopefully) later. so to put a little spin on your examples, before i go to college, i’m going to make sure i can get as much scholarships and grants as i possibly can so that should it not work out, at least i won’t lose out on a ton of my OWN money. or if it does, then i got a college degree without being in super debt. even if i had to take out all loans for school, i’d plan to be all up in office hrs and study groups to make sure i DON’T end up in academic probation. same thing with a job… you may not be looking into unemployment insurance while you are gainfully employed, however, i’d hope that you at least have a savings account going just in case you do lose your job. so bringing it back to this marriage thing, you have this prenup to “prepare” yourself in case things go sour. especially if you have worked so hard to earn what you have, you don’t just want to give it away to someone you are no longer in love with. at least you’ll have your own ish to fall back on to build a new life.
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Peyso Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
e-boo, i guess we cant get e-married then
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Southern Belle Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
lol I guess not, it was fun while it lasted? NEXT.
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Cheekie Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
“lol I guess not, it was fun while it lasted? NEXT.”
LMFAO @ this. And I was rootin’ for ya’ll…
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Peyso Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
we aint get married tomorrow anyway, so we can talk til then right ?
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CHeeKZ McSelfish Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
I believe Biggie said it best: “Money and Blood don’t mix like two dicks”.
Let’s take your example. If you knew that 50% of new born babies died within one year of their birth, WOULD YOU TAKE THE INSURANCE POLICY. Its not to replace your child, it just makes sense.
Not everything to do with a marriage is about love.
I don’t know what y’all are talking about b/c all these women I work with bash their husband all day. If my wife thought what these women say about their men, I’M GONE!
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I won’t need a pre-nup. I’ll have my accountant hide my money so far away and intricately, she won’t get rich and shall die trying. L’Chaim!!!!
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This is a funny post. I actually have already drafted my prenupt. I feel that a man should write it before he falls in love and makes stupid decisions. And not all prenupts are just financial, sometimes it’s like rules of engagement, certain law of the land. A few notables in my prenupt are:
1) You don’t get shit.
2) If we have children, who ever has the most time to raise them, will raise them. If this is a tie, who ever makes the most money will raise them. (I think we should give a man a chance not to get got on child support.)
3) If you increase in weight by more than 40% of your current weight, the continuation of the marriage is optional.
4) I get to have sex with someone born in the 21st century after the year 2025. This has been a long standing goal of mine and I think I should be able to have it.
Just a few.
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Peyso Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I need #4 in my pre-nup
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CHeeKZ McQuestion? Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Why is new century pussy better?
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Dr. J Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Because it’s like… you can say you had sex with someone from both centuries. And the saying goes, ain’t nothing better than some p*ssy than some new p*ssy, NO, ain’t nothing better than some new p*ssy than some young new p*ssy.
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Britt Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
What state do you live in? I’m curious because in most states Child support aint ISH. Aside from New York and Georgia (maybe California but I moreso hear about alimony there) child support is getting off easy. For example, in Texas it’s 20% for one child by the same mother, 25% for two children by the same mother. Uncle Sam takes almost as much as that and he has never rode you into oblivion.
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Dr. J Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
man… 20% or 25% is a lot of money. If I make 100K, and Uncle Sam gets 30. That leaves me with 70, and then she gets 14K, i’m left with 56K of my 100K salary. Sheeeeeiiiit.
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Britt Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Yea but if you look at what the primary caretaker (generally the mother) is using to care for the child … it’s peanuts. Also, in Texas there will be no 14k. There is a cap. All child support is based off of 60k salary, barring extenuating circumstances. Not like, my baby daddy is a baller. More like my child has downs syndrome.
This is why Texas rappers like Slim Thugg brag that their baby mama’s drive Hyundais. Don’t let the P.Diddy’s of the world cloud your vision. Most child support doesn’t go down like that.
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Britt Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Oops it’s 75k now, but you get my drift. 25k of your money is untouched by child support unless you want it to be.
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Shelia Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
“4) I get to have sex with someone born in the 21st century after the year 2025. This has been a long standing goal of mine and I think I should be able to have it.”
Now that’s a deal breaker. LOL
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Dear Southern Belle,
What world do you live in where Shit dont happen?
Shit happens, we SHOULD be prepared for it?
Signed True
You should have options, fall back plans etc
People are passionate about Basketball, but SHOULD get a degree in case of injury
old Feelings and love doesn’t support someone..not children and not adults. You can’t eat love, you can’t pay your car note on some 10 year old love you had..you get my point
In a perfect world, there wouldn’ be prenups, life insurance, HEALTH INSURANCE, or car insurance
but we dont live there
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Southern Belle Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
There’s nothing wrong with preparing for the future, but instead of trying to protect yourself with a prenup wouldn’t it make more sense to protect yourself with a healthy relationship?
Don’t worry about what type of man he turns out to be, while there are signs that indicate a person’s character, you never know how a person will turn out. I wish you’d try to guess. The law, which allows for prenups, is intended to make things fair, but as people we take advantage of the things that are intended to make us equal. Yes, I live in a world where I believe people are essentially good, it makes me less angry. It takes a certain type of intelligence to look out for yourself and for others, so I never worry that I’ll end up heartbroken and on the street. Heartbroken, maybe, but not on the street.
There’s a reason why you don’t see Mel Gibson waving his arms in the air because his wife took his money in a divorce. It’s because he’s good at what he does, money comes and goes, and karma’s a bitch (read the article they did on him in Time Magazine, circa the release of Passion of the Christ).
I never plan for failure, I only plan for success, and that’s all I’ve ever found.
Oh and since you asked, I live in a world where I’ve seen people fight about money before I could spell the word, where people have everything they could want with their Arab money and more, and some of the most broken homes you could imagine. Thanks.
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TRUE Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
its not planning for failure. Its planning for shit to happen…
you can have a wonderful job and shit, with a great company making high 6 figures..but..
companies go under, and shit happens…look at all the people affected by the economy’s recession…”rich” folks..are struggling..are they less successful..no..
people losing their savings
its good you grew up with money and feel you may never have to go without
But…shit can still happen..ever read Stolen Lives by Malika Oufkir…
SHIT HAPPENS
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@ dr j 2) If we have children, who ever has the most time to raise them, will raise them. If this is a tie, who ever makes the most money will raise them. (I think we should give a man a chance not to get got on child support.)
I am a FULL SUPPORTER of this…I even did it for a lil while (when I fell on hard times), but that asshole used to throw it in my face when we would argue…
As far as number 4…So Should I..whoo hoo..open marriage
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To all people who dont want pre-nups, i dont wanna see u use seat belts, get health insurance, life insurance or anything else that plans for the worst to happen b/c if u plan for failure then ur gonna fail, right?
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CHeeKZ McQuestion? Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Co-sign.
What if your marrying a failure?
Your not god, your planning doesn’t have anything to do with the success of your marriage.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
totally i agree, though i don’t call it planning, i call it Preparation… you are preparing yourself in case the worst happens, though you are not planning on it.
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“To all people who dont want pre-nups, i dont wanna see u use seat belts, get health insurance, life insurance or anything else that plans for the worst to happen b/c if u plan for failure then ur gonna fail, right?”
Annnd, this ’bout sums it up for me. Since money is involved in a marriage, you’re gonna need to insure it.
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I usually have a clear cut opinion in my mind, but today my mind is foggier than the city my name is based upon. I was hoping the comments would give me some perspective, but I’m still sitting on the fence.
While marriage has a lot of contracts, legal bindings and finances involved, it’s tough for me to associate a pre nuptial agreement with that. It seems like it detracts from such a spiritual union.
On the other hand, I’m all about a safety net. And while the ex wife and potential kids should be taken care of because I most likely still will love her as a person (per Southern Belle’s comment) if she didn’t cheat. At the same time, I don’t want her to take more than is justified. She wasn’t out there writing these ditties nor does it cost that much money for groceries and a mortgage.
I’m going to read some more and wait for the dust settle on this one.
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I’m sorry, but all you people (yes YOU people, lol) who are against pre-nups are bugging! Pre-nupts are a form of insurance, same as life, car, and home insurance. Of couse you dont want to have to use it, but you still need it, just like a fire extinguisher. I used to look at fire extinguishers like”this is stupid. We’ll never need this” and yet when the time came to use it, we were prepared!
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I haven’t read any comments but I worked in Divorce Law for 3 years and all I have to say is, if you have more than $2 to your name, or even teh potential to make big $$, GET A PRENUP! everyone is love on the wedding day and EVERYone is pissed on divorce day…folks get spiteful when they feelings are hurt so protect your ish and your future sanity. If you never get divorced then no worries, but if and WHEN you do, you will be soooooooo glad you signed the Pre, or POST nup, for that matter!
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N.I.A. fabuloussince1982.... Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
I agree. I know people, specifically women who have gotten a raw deal outta a divorce, and I know women who have had a prenup, and was able to keep the things she accrued both before, and during the marriage. It really depends on the wording of the contract.
I read something somewhere about a woman who was just a secretary, and married a guy in upper level management. Her friend suggested she get a prenup just in case, that basically said each person gets to keep the assets they gained during the course of the marriage. sure enough, he was layed off, she went back to school, and began making high 6 figures while he say on his azz all day, not attempting to work, but to just live off of her. and when she divorced him, he got nothing from her….
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insomnia..you are so right.
People are spiteful during divorce. And the stuff they never thought they would do to “hurt you” they do
PREEENUUUUPPP
I told yall …im signing it and then asking for the D when Im done..signing things make me horny
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
LMAO… co-sign.
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ok…
if I had to sign a prenup, it would read that any assets accrued before marriage remains our indivdual assets, and all assets accrued during the marriage will be split in half, with an infidelity provison. However, if he is like me, and his assets b4 marriage aren’t stellar, then anything we achieve would be during the marraige, and would achieve together, and those marriage assets would be split in half, unless there is some infidelity.
But what I find interesting is how people seem to be upset or bothered at others who do not wish to get a prenup. I can only speak for me, but no one in my family has a prenup. My parents both had their own shyt when they got married, and their individual assets became their family assets. B/c once they were married, they were no longer separate individuals, but they were one. And that is how they have functioned in their marriage, and perhaps it’s why they have stayed married in spite of rocky times. So, it is definitely possible to have a 30+ year marriage without a pre-nup. I think the question is, in this day and age, why do so many people feel a pre-nup is so neccessary? To be honest, I think a lot of the pre-nup mania has been hyped by seeing entertainers/stars go through divorce, and have to give the wife a lot of money. I wonder how many people would really consider prenups if divorce and prenups were not a matter of public record? If we didn’t know how much Mel Gibson was ordered to pay his wife, or any other celebrity…Perhaps all of this pre-nup shyt is media hype, and people need to get back to the basics of marriage and not base their decisions in life on what happened to some entertainer or ball player….
IDK…just some thoughts….
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
I have seen cases of celebrities and everyday folks and in reality it matters more for everyday folks. If a celebrity is making 100mil a year, losing half sucks but they aren’t assed out. If joe schmoe is making 150k and has to pay his wife half he is struggling. Don’t get it twisted prenups are not an option, or smart, or insurance…they are necessary.
People grow and change and you don’t want to be robbed, or left unprotected, because you were “in love.” Hell, the worst case I ever saw was high school sweethearts who married and had 3 kids. Both worked made around 100k each. Husband’s mom died and he went into depression never worked again. Needless to say, wife was left with two rental properties, the marital res, both parties debt and 3 kids all on the verge of high school graduation. At the end of the day, he got her premarital house, his premarital house, and some equity out of the marital res in lieu of alimony. Needless to say her oldest child is not in college now, but rather working b/c mom can’t afford school from paying off dad and she is over 18 and beyond child support. The point of all this: a prenup can protect not just you and your current assets, but any future children or assets you have. Imagine you and “your partner” work for a lot he loses his marbles nad is trying to take all yall worked for before and during the marriage. ANYTHING can happen, why would you hope for the best when you have the resources to prepare for the worst? As I said, if you get married and never divorce then yall can laugh about the prenup, but 51% of the time, you will be in court in x number of years just trying to get your panties more or less what you’re actually entitled to.
And might I add a little free legal advice, don’t believe the hype and get the nicest prenup possible. Get the nastiest dirtiest prenup your SO will agree to b/c trust once the spiritual marital bliss wears off, your SO will be the nastiest person you know and best able to get to you. Who knows how to piss you off better than your SO?? Remember that when yall are getting divorced and he/she is trying to take your premarital car, the 1994 honda, just because you love it not even for the value.
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did not read all comments(bc of timing) BUT will say that pre-nups are ok with me.
I look at marriage from the viewpoint of a financial investment. So I have no problem signing one but better believe he will be signing one too. Its security for the both of us if push ever came to shove.
Ppl marry for love but love isnt gonna pay the bills. I plan on coming into the marriage halfway all i’m saying is he needs to meet me and bring his half. Esp in these times with divorce being so high and ppl having different motives for marriage.
I do value the traditional meaning and whole-heartedly want to have that type of marriage but I will be honest I doubt i will come across a man who feels the same way, in this day and time, esp when it comes to the financial part of the marriage. All women arent out to get all your money but most are and its sad to say that that affects those who want things simple but cant due to the pressure put on by others. So the pre-nup is now becoming standard which is why i say just go with the flow and adjust accordingly.
If that’s the rules of the game better get your game face and play smart.
-aus
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N.I.A. fabuloussince1982.... Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
I feel the same way. I would rather not sign one, but feel I would have to b/c a lot of men think all women are after their money. As long as we have a prenup that protects me and mines as well as him and his, then I’m ok…sorta. LOL!
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
April 29th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
I agree. Good thing I’m going to law school… that way I can make sure he’s not G-ing me when the pre-nup is being drafted…
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I’m a big fan of marriages like that of my mom and dad’s…. Rock solid. I’m pretty old fashioned and I’m willing to post-pone marriage until I meet someone who can hang tight, even when the going get’s rough. Having said that, I will def have a prenup that is effective for at least the first five years of marriage in order to protect MY ASSETS!!! I work very hard to have success on my own terms. Yes, I expect that my prince charming will be succesful as well, but if we should part ways, we can sell the house, split the profit and walk away with the money we came with.
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Bottom line:
If there is not enough trust to enter into marriage without a prenup, you should not be entering into marriage to begin with.
It is a FOREVER commitment.
If you are willing to violate the sanctity of what should be a lifetime commitment, you have to deal with the consequences…
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GEICO won’t offer Marriage Insurance but SafeGuard Guaranty will. It’ll be available to the public shortly. For more information simply Google “marriage insurance” or “safeguardguaranty”.
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