I’m Not Giving A Man A Compliment
Guy 1: Ay fam.
Guy 2: Wsup?
Guy 1: I meant to tell you earlier – those jeans look real good on you.
Guy 2: Oh word? Thanks man. I was wondering how they looked. Y’know, I got them from Macy’s.
Guy 1: For real, Macy’s? I would cop me a pair, but you’re killing it.
Yeah. Anyone else feel uncomfortable by that conversation? I know I am. Still am. Wait, yep, I still am. Slim Jackson, my dude Foul Sharpton and I tried to convey this queasy feeling to my homegirl this past weekend. However she, and most women, just don’t understand why we don’t give each them to each other. The beginning of our argument was that it isn’t kosher for a guy to give another man a compliment. The end. Furthermore, it’s uncomfortable to us and dammit you women can admit it sounds weird as evidenced by the faux dialogue above.
For the record it’s not because we’re homophobic, not because we’re unsure of our masculinity and not because I don’t look good and I don’t warrant compliments. Because I do dammit. And more women than my momma and my woman think so.
We just don’t do that. Just like you won’t catch us deciding to go to the bathroom as a group, holding hands while walking through the club to get there and then conversing while we’re in the bathroom. We’re just different. In all circumstances. Forget normal conversation, it’s even awkward in sports. You ever hear Bill Walton or Marv Albert compliment a player after he makes a move?
Announcer: “Look at that fine specimen of an athlete. The way he slinks across the court like a cheetah or a panther in the wild. They don’t make them like that too often, huh Jim?”
::Awkward silence in the booth::
My homegirl then wondered why we don’t like giving compliments if we like receiving them. We retorted by offering two points:
1.) I’ll compliment an item that my boy has, but without saying how he looks in it. For example, I would tell my boy that his kicks are hot. That his shirt is a good look. But there’s no need for me to compliment how his arms look in the sleeves. Not necessary and sort of uncomfortable for all parties involved.
2.) Men like compliments, but don’t run on them the way women do. Women need compliments. I was raised to tell my mom how great the food tasted on every occasion possible. If she ordered out that night, my Pops made me tell my mom that she made a great choice, her dialing was impeccable and that she did a great job with the people on the other end of the phone. The same is true now that I’m older. I do my best to offer compliments to the women in my life. Think I’m wrong? Fellas, go one day without giving your girlfriend a positive comment. Actually don’t, I don’t want to ruin your relationship for the sake of a blog post.
Women know they need compliments and since they are in tune with other women’s feeeeeelings, they give compliments to their friends often. You ever see a group of women verbally dig another woman out of an emotional hole? I saw a herd of women sit there and compliment everything a women had on to make the girl feel better about whatever it is she was sad about. Meanwhile I almost vomited from it all. Commenting on her socks? C’mon homie. They aren’t even holiday socks, just some regular fruit of the loom joints.
All I’m saying is I don’t feel comfortable telling a dude that he looks nice in jeans or that he’s handsome today. The most my friends will get is a “Son, you’re looking sharp.” Followed by a swift pat on the back. That’s what my uncles did to me, that’s what I shall pass on. It’s learned behavior. No one told me not to do it, I just don’t. My personal paradigms of male interaction never did it, so I don’t and I don’t feel comfortable being put in the position to do it.
There’s nothing wrong with that to me. Just because women do it, doesn’t automatically mean the guys need to as well. I don’t need to be told that I look good by a dude. Shorty telling me that I’m killing it with my outfit is more than enough. Her subsequently giving the “I’ll cut you face” when some chick eyes me is also a boost. That’s all a brother needs.
Am I in the wrong? Is it not weird to hear another man compliment his boy? Or is this immature and homophobic behavior? Let’s get it cracking.
Seattle – But Feel Free To Compliment Me On My Posts – Washington
79 Responses to “I’m Not Giving A Man A Compliment”
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I’d say that it’s largely immature and homophobic behavior. There’s nothing wrong with complimenting another man. Of course there are limitations to the compliment which I largely agree with the post about. Compliment the clothing, not how the man looks in it. But at the same time you can ask your boy if he’s been working out. You don’t have to say “dang son, you’re looking fine in that outfit, you been working out?” you could however, say “Son you’re lookin swole, you been working out? Or is your shirt too young?” It’s a compliment and a joke. But I think the fear and uneasiness is largely due to homophobia and immaturity. I would be more likely to think that a man who’s afraid to compliment another man to be gay than a man who can do so in a non-sexual way. IMO there’s nothing wrong with saying another man is handsome. You don’t have to say he’s fine cuz that’s suspect.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:58 am
Yeah, that’s exactly what I mean. Most dudes compliment the item your boy has, but not how he looks in it. Or if it’s a compliment, it’s usually backhanded. That’s just what we do.
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I think its’ wierd to hear because we never hear it, not because there’s something wrong with a man complimenting each other.
Not saying that if I heard Dude 1 tell Dude 2 that he’s looking fine in that nice tight shirt I wouldn’t have to introduce a major pause into both of their lives, but I think that reaction is born of never hearing 2 men do that.
Idk who’s gonna have to start it… probably some real super manly man… do we have those anymore?
( < — unnecessary jab)
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Seattle Washington Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:13 am
Looks like no one else is going to tackle this one, so here comes Mighty Blogger…
I think it’s so ingrained in the culture that no one is going to do it. I mean it’s learned, not taught. Then again some of the emo cats have changed the game, so you never know.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:45 am
Nah, I definitely think its a little weird for men to OD compliment each other.
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MeteorMan Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:30 pm
(wo)man what you say?!?!
It’s not about what’s social accepted. It’s about the inherent needs of each gender. Women need 3rd party reassurance of their looks. Men mostly do internal reassurance.
Women care about HOW they look in comparison to [insert woman name here].
Men mostly only need to know WHAT we look like and WHAT something (they want to wear or do) looks then internally decide HOW it looks on them.
Which gender needs to have people go to stores when shopping for clothes? Not men…
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The only compliments I have ever heard men giving other men are about his car, tires, house, home entertainment system, TV or SO or something like that….I know men will compliment another man on his shoes or outfit or something..but, any other compliment, like “you have a nice smile”, or ” your skin is so smooth” these types of compliments will have dude in my mind as a candidate for possible downlow activities…..
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This was hilarious.
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Men compliment each other, they just do it differently. Your examples are hilarious, and you are right in that you would never hear a man compliment another man in such a way. Men give compliments to other men by complimenting that man’s “things”–property, shoes, clothes, JO’s, etc. Interestingly enough, I do the same thing with my girls. I never compliment how my girt’s body looks in an outfit unless I know she’s been trying to lose/gain weight. But I’ve never told my homie that her jeans make her azz look great. But I will tell her jeans are nice, and inquire where she purchased them.
On some level, homophobia drives men’s inability to compliment each other, say I love to another man, hug another man, etc. And women aren’t helping, b/c so many of us are afraid of the “DL brotha”, and we all call certain behaviors “gay.” Hell, the “no homo” movement grew from this fear of being seen as anything but heterosexual…
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:42 am
some things MEN don’t do and should not do honey…..and the DL thing is more real than most would care to ever have to know about…for real!!!!
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BlueFlame Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:20 am
“And women aren’t helping, b/c so many of us are afraid of the “DL brotha”, and we all call certain behaviors “gay.” Hell, the “no homo” movement grew from this fear of being seen as anything but heterosexual…”–I co-sign this…in some way i feel as though if women (and society in general) weren’t so judgemental a lot of men would feel more free to be themselves then we wouldn’t have so many black men on the DL…do they have issues with the DL in other cultures? (i.e. white, hispanic, asian etc.)
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and1grad Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:31 am
I think this is an excellent point. Women have a DEFINITE influence on dudes not wanting to look DL, simply due to women thinking most anything is DL behavior. This might sound silly to some but watch old shows like Good Times or things from around the mid to late 70s, brothers would compliment each other all the time. “Where’d you get those fly duds, jack?” “That afro is lookin proper my man…slap me some skin!” It wasnt nothin to show a brother love then.
Now? “Stay in ya lane, chump.” #kanyeshrug Just the way it is, I guess.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:14 am
“And women aren’t helping, b/c so many of us are afraid of the “DL brotha”, and we all call certain behaviors “gay.” ”
I feel you, but I dunno how much women really add to men feeling weird about complimenting each other. Do dudes be like “Oh wait, let me not say this so women don’t think I’m ‘mo?” I feel like that kinda exists independent of us. I could be wrong though.
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Ash Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:44 pm
“Interestingly enough, I do the same thing with my girls. I never compliment how my girt’s body looks in an outfit unless I know she’s been trying to lose/gain weight. But I’ve never told my homie that her jeans make her azz look great. But I will tell her jeans are nice, and inquire where she purchased them.”
Eh. Me and my girls are always complimenting each other’s bodies. Call it stuck up if you want, but my friends are some bad broads! LOL!
If one of us has on a cute dress, it’s nothing to throw out, “I see ya sexy leg!” Or if one of the slimmer ones has on jeans that make it look like she got a booty, “Ok, I see ya with the dunk!” These comments regularly make it to Facebook comments, as well.
We’re all straight, but we boost each other up real big all the time. However (double standard alert) if a dude was to EVER do any of this, he would be put on the “DL” list. No questions asked.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Ok, I see ya with the dunk!”
IMHO, any man who says this to another man is past the point of DL…
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Ash Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:01 pm
LOL! Uh yeah. He’s just ghey! (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
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CHeeKZ is not even looking to hide it... Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Ever see you girl sans clothes?
bringing it back into the conversation:
I was talking to my boy and his new girl, she mentioned that she had seen most of her girls in the nude. She said that if one girl got drunk and was unable to take care of herself it was acceptable for the sober friend to “undress, bathe, and put to bed” her loaded sister.
The girl is in question was asian. Is this performance of friendship acceptable amongst sisters? B/c I’m just dropping my dude off on his couch and calling it a night. He might see me taking off his pants and get confused in his drunken state…….
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Streetztalk Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Cosign. THe homie will get dropped off on the couch and told nto to vomit on my sh*t!
I dont care if its brother cousin, frat, whatever… i aint bathin a nikka. Stay stank and wash urself off when you wake up!
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ASmith Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Uh. I might put “bed clothes” on her, but there’s no bathing and all her underwear stays put. And this is for friends I’m close to “like that”. So probably 3 people
Otherwise, I’ll put you in bed… The end.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 4:00 pm
A nipple ever pop out?
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ASmith Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Oh Cheekz.
Nope. No wardrobe malfunctions.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 4:09 pm
DAMN YOU PROPERLY FITTING CUP SIZES!
You will pay for this!!
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Cheekie Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
You can blame Oprah and her “Are you wearing the wrong-sized bra?” episode…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Oprah – Taking the joy out of men’s lives since 1986
Ash Reply:
November 4th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Maybe since it’s the next day, no one will read this…
Don’t judge me…but my Ace got tore up on some tequila one night and it came out the wrong end. ::shudders::
We couldn’t let that baby go to bed in her own stuff…so yes, she was held up in the shower, given a good “rinse” and a t-shirt thrown over her head and put in the bed. She woke up the next morning chipper and refreshed while the rest of us were like o__O. We still shame her about this 5 years later…
Now, if she had just been drunk or thrown up, we just woulda changed her clothes and put her to bed, but you’re not a real friend if you let your girl spend the night in her own booboo.
Again, if a man were to do this, it would be unacceptable…sorry.
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Yo Seattle this post was SuperSonic (peep what I did there?)
It just doesnt feel natural to go IN on commenting another man. I’ll give credit where its due, but to tell another man “Yo u rockin the fuk outta that shirt booooy” COME ON PEOPLE! I would tell dude to tattoo a permanent “[||]” sign on his chest!
The ONLY situation where I’d give this a pass is when you work out and dudes compliment your progress, muscle gain, etc. No pause. Shyt like that is important for people trying to attain their physical fitness goals. Thoughts?
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:38 am
I agree and in the gym its more motivation, not even compliments, given and taken…….
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and1grad Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:53 am
Some dude complimenting me at the gym is motivation for me to go to another gym. #fail
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Streetztalk Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:59 am
LOLOL not complimenting criticism. Like if a traner tells me im making progress or a dude clearly in better shape commends my effort, I wont pause him. Now if hes being superfluous, then we got an issue. lol
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:09 am
LMAO..like I said motivating words go over better LOL
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Cheekie Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:07 am
*dying* @ a dude complimenting another dude at the gym. Especially if the dude who compliments you is that creepy dude who grunts when he lifts weights. lmfao
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Streetztalk Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:12 am
*DEAD* lolol word….
i’d be like “Good lookin ….. o_0″
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:18 am
**in a man’s voice**
“Yo fam, your arms are lookin right in that sleeveless Under Armor. And those pecks too.”
o_O!?!
**Streetz drops weights and leaves gym promptly**
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Streetztalk Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:22 am
LMAOOOOO
Word!!
You gotta say it in a non-frutopiotic manner. Example:
Gyme Dude “Yo son you gettin a lil Brolic! You on roids Ninja…”
me: “LOL ur funny. Nah I just been on that P90X”
dude: “O aite cause I peeped the definition in your lateral metacarpal deltoid anterior cruciary ligament. Its hard to develop that. Respect”
Me: “Blouseanskirt! cha…”
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and1grad Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:37 am
@Miss Jenkins
I’m gonna need you to not ruin underarmour for me. I already cant read Men’s Health b/c someone made it known to me just how gay their ads are. I was oblivious.
“O aite cause I peeped the definition in your lateral metacarpal deltoid anterior cruciary ligament. Its hard to develop that. Respect”
*collapsed lung*
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:43 am
LOl. My bad boo. Underarmour is all good with me. I likes the way it hugs a man’s manly chest and big arms. (is that better?)
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Hmmmm….i think the reason that men don’t really want to compliment each other is out of fear of being associated with homosexuality. Homosexuality still has such a bad connotation that (and so many women are out looking for the signs of homosexuality in a man) it causes a lot of mean to have a fear of being called or associated with anything “gay.” I have male friends who refuse to drink out of certain glasses bc they appear too “girly.” It’s sad really that men have to feel as though they have to do so much to prove their sexuality. I could write a dissertation about this…but i won’t lol
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MeteorMan Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:39 pm
All that doesn’t even apply here…
Both gender try to prove their ‘sexuality’ but for different reasons. In the case of men, it may be society driven. For women its innate given they need verification on their sensual-ness and beauty. That’s why you have to compliment your gf otherwise she’ll think you don’t find her attractive after a while.
What guy asks: Does this makes me look fat?
The question isn’t ask NOT because of homophobia. It’s not asked b/c of the difference in value systems of men and women. Guys don’t sit there ponder constantly over how they look in comparison to some other random person and how others think they look and what other said about how they look and etc…
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Homegirl must be a little clueless about male behavior, because, I knew where you were going with this post as soon as I read the title. I agree with everything stated. Kudos, Seattle. Kudos.
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you’re absolutely right. i wish a dude would tell me i looked good in a pair of jeans. smh. i would feel very uncomfortable and i don’t think me and dude could ever be cool like that again.
“I’ll compliment an item that my boy has, but without saying how he looks in it.”
i do this often. it’s easy to say “young them sneakers are tough.” vs “the color of those shoes really bring out your eyes.” (two extremes but you get my point).
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one of my friends from college does this man law thing on his FB status, and its almost about compliments and male interaction. its funny, but I don’t think anyone really expects a man to totally sweat another man and talk about how his clothing fits. this was still funny to read.
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“Guy 1: Ay fam.
Guy 2: Wsup?
Guy 1: I meant to tell you earlier – those jeans look real good on you.
Guy 2: Oh word? Thanks man. I was wondering how they looked. Y’know, I got them from Macy’s.
Guy 1: For real, Macy’s? I would cop me a pair, but you’re killing it.”
First off, the above convo was kinda extra anyway. Why he gotta expound further on the first compliment? lol
“I’ll compliment an item that my boy has, but without saying how he looks in it. For example, I would tell my boy that his kicks are hot. ”
I was gonna say this is pretty much the only way a dude is gonna compliment another dude.
I do think a lot of it has to do with homophobic behavior and how it “looks” to someone else (which is unfortunate, but it’s the reality) but on the flip side, I can’t really fault a dude for just not caring whether a dude compliments him or not. I guess it comes back to women being more
unstableemotional creatures and needing that pick-me-up, regardless of where it comes from.But, don’t get it twisted, if I had to choose, I’d rather
Idris Elbaa foine brotha give me a compliment than a sista. But, I’d gladly smile at both.Reply
This post is on point. Certain things us guys just don’t do. It’s not insecure. We just don’t do it.
If I’m putting one of my female friends on with a homeboy of mine… and she asks, “How he look?” WTF? I don’t know! You be the judge! I mean, I guess he ain’t ugly! LOL.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:00 pm
thats my whole point… some things HETERO males don’t do and don’t need to be doing LLS……its not insecurity or even homophobia…..
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Seattle Washington Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Iite, what does “LLS” mean?
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Laughin Like Sh*t…. LLS
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OK, so men can’t compliment each other, but ya,ll can pat hommie on the a$$ after every basket, touchdown, ect. This one always confused me.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:22 am
lol. The ass pat must be swift and strong. No lingering or hang-time. If it becomes soft and caressing, then there’s a problem. This rule applies for female athletes too. I’d o_O and neck-chop a broad for an inappropriate pat.
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ildolceamore Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:30 pm
I think that’s interesting, dudes can give each other a swift pat on the rear (pause if necessary) but chicks definitely (definitely definitely definitely) CANNOT.
No girl will ever come close to brushing across my chest on leaning any one of her appendages on my booty. Not going to happen, pause all the way.
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ASmith Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Very good point… excellent point, in fact.
Men always talk about how females can get away with pauseworthy behavior, but that is definitely something that would cause people paying attention to say “urr… pause…”
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CHeeKZ Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:02 pm
maybe you have wack butts?
My SO has a gift from the Booty Gods.
Other girls randomly give her a squeeze, rub or pat.
Its like girl kissing other girls, perfectly acceptable.
Me being pro-lesbian, I have no problem with a jawn copping a feel off my jawn.
Though my SO is still ticked off when any strangers comes out their face, she doesn’t think twice about her gfs taking a smack at it (I think she knows how much I love seeing it).
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and1grad Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:48 pm
“No girl will ever come close to brushing across my chest on leaning any one of her appendages on my booty.”
Women can do the chest bump. Its just called a “titty smash.”
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Black and Trapped in Toronto Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Ditto Miss Jenkins Ditto
I was at a Raptors game last yr and captured on film a player holding another player from behind while walking off the court…
I was frightened.
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and1grad Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:42 am
DL killed the ass pat. Its all chest bumps and jumping as high as you can into someone now. Personally, I consider this a win. Never seen a woman ass pat another. Somehow, it seems appropriate.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:44 am
Tell that to the man-athletes on TV…
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:58 am
Rarely do you see the ass pat anymore tho, and I am an avid NFL sometimes NBA watcher
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CHeeKZ Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:26 pm
you didn’t see AROD grab and squeeze Jeter’s booty during the playoffs a week ago?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RD8hH2Hszno
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Seattle Washington Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Wow.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:40 pm
SMH @ AROD….I remember seein this! *FACEPALM* it just never stops for old boy. First the kissin in the mirror and then that one…No Bueno Alexander
But Go Yanks! (in a winning manner, not that kind of manner)
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Cheekie Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
AHAHAHAHAHA!
Over-enthusiastic (to grab the Jeter booty) much?
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Nurse N.I.A. or Officer N.I.A.? that is the question. Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:57 pm
See, we can’t have World Series Champs who like to grab man ass. It would be un-American. lol. One more reason to route against the Yankees!!
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Streetztalk Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Root > Route
Another reason to hate ppl who hate on NYC sports…lmao
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:16 pm
LMAO!! you got me. I didn’t notice that until I ran out of editing time. However, I still stand by the sentiment in my post. lol.
Ok, I’m not talking anymore trash until Wednesday…
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
It’ll be on like popcorn!
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Streetztalk Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
#TheSwindle you’re gonna chime in if the phillies take a lead and not say ish otherwise as usual…lol
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:26 pm
LOL! Just for that, every time A-Rod comes up to bat, I’m gonna link that vid…
OrangeStar616 Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I don’t watch baseball LMAO……
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Renee Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:10 pm
WHAT!!!! He must be trying to start the ass grab trend, no bueno.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
This is true…I rarely see that happen in sports anymore with the pads…Which is definitely a step into the right direction.
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Cheekie Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:44 am
*high five*
Someone. Tell me, please tell me, how this originated. Like who sat back and was like, “Ya know, I really wanna think of a truly manly way to say ‘good look, homie’….EUREKA! A quickie pat to the rump!”
I mean, why isn’t a “dap” sufficient?
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I’m not really scared of being called gay. Even when I was younger, I would talk about a dude openly. I knew I liked women and that was all that mattered. Never fit into trends, always spoke honestly, and always comfortable with my $3xuality.
But MOST MEN ARE NOT LIKE ME.
I never say “That guy is attractive.”
That would be LanceBass…
I would say “b!tches find him attractive,” which is only stating what I have seen from the interaction between said person and jawns. I might comment “I think b!tches would find him attractive” but that is only comparing what I have seen jawns react to. Its just my objective view. I see CHeekie get wet when Slim post a pic of Boris Homo, so if I see a guy who looks like Boris and cheekie ask me.. I’ma say yes he looks like what you like. I’m just removing my personal bias away from the situation and calling it like I see it.
No one way a guy can work around this problem is playing the he looks like game
Female Freind: “Does you homey look good”
Male: “He looks like Mershawn Lynch”
FemaleFriend: “The Geico Caveman RB?!?!”
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Cheekie Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:46 pm
“I would say “b!tches find him attractive,” which is only stating what I have seen from the interaction between said person and jawns.”
My e-booski is slick wit’ it! Clever!
“I knew I liked women and that was all that mattered. Never fit into trends, always spoke honestly, and always comfortable with my $3xuality.”
Which brings up a great question. Those who even slightly flinch at complimenting another man, is it fair to say they’re not entirely comfy with their sexuality?
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Seattle Washington Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Yeah. That may be true. If a dude can’t even tell his boy that his cut looks crisp or the waves are making him nauseous than he has a problem. It may be that he isn’t comfortable with himself or something else entirely.
But a person who can’t admit that someone else is doing the damn thing well, may just have a problem overall or is too self centered.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I had a bad experience with this at work. There is this dude downstairs who always keeps a fresh cut and dresses sharp.
I’m not even talking about his looks. Its just that his hair always looks barber chair clean and he always has a shirt that I say “that is a good shirt”.
But when we talked about how horrible the younger black men in the office dress (this isn’t the pimp awards, take the electric blue off), I brought him up as an example of how someone should dress… AND I GOT KILLED! I was just being myself, but I know it looks suspect.
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My Compliments to the writer….Good Job Starbucks!
This is pretty much an in-depth detail to a Man Law that is universally known and is pretty much an innate action for most males. I think most of us know by telling our peer he looks sharp in a suit is an appropriate compliment but that is as far as it can ever go! POINT BLANK PERIOD!
“Just because women do it, doesn’t automatically mean the guys need to as well.”
This quote pretty much draws the line in the sand and that line has been established for centuries when it comes to men giving compliments vs. women giving compliments to each other.
Peace in Kabul,
-BBW
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Here’s a major distinction between the compliments given by each gender to another member of the same sex:
1. Women want to know how attractive they are -> period. They look (and care about) at how attractive other women are for the purpose of comparisons.
2. Men may recognize objects as looking ‘good’ but only questions if the look would work on them and have no need to compare looks with other men.
Another distinction between the different ways the genders give compliments are in terms of what each needs in order to consider themselves attractive:
1. Women require 3rd party verification/reassurance in reference to how they look. Women take other women shopping so they can get their opinion.
2. Men don’t require 3rd party verification on how we look. Men only need to know what we look like. A homie only needs/wants a mirror.
If I work on my arms regularly and a guy says: “Yo. Got them guns don’t you…” or “how do I get arms like yours,” it wouldn’t be extra for him to point that out. Again he’s not commenting on how ‘good’ I look and how it fits on me. He’s talking about the fact that I have ‘em and wondering what it would look like on him. He’s not comparing our looks.
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Renee Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Well I just have to add, because I’ve seen this enough times today. Women are not insecure little creatures that need constant reassurance that they are attractive (at least I’m not). But there are good reasons why we compliment each other or value each others opinion. Women are detail oriented beyond to the point that men are not likely to understand. We match the bag and the shoes and spend hours trying to find the perfect pencil skirt because we care about the details. So if you are wearing a pair of killer heals and your girl goes, those shoes are hot. You know she is actually complimenting your style. A man is likely to go, “You look sexy in those heels”, his compliment is more about the fact that seeing the woman in those heals lit a little fire in him, than about the fact that the shoes are actually on point. So when I get a compliment from my girl its worth way more than a compliment from a man unless he is “my man”. In most cases men only compliment the looks of woman they want to sleep with. Maybe that’s why men are uncomfortable complimenting another mans look, because you guys link a physical compliment with sexual excitement.
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MeteorMan Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 6:32 pm
“Maybe that’s why men are uncomfortable complimenting another mans look, because you guys link a physical compliment with sexual excitement.”
Sounds compelling… Something to think about… I’ll add and say that this is depicted in the delivery of the compliment. Given the said “link,” then there’s a distinction in the delivery of a compliment. Two homo-gender compliments talking about the same thing has to be worded differently (in a guy’s mind only maybe) in order to avoid the “link” to sexual excitement. So maybe the sexual intent of a compliment for a woman could be determined by who says it (and how it’s said), while for a guy it’s based on what is said.
Woman-2-woman: “Wow! You look amazing!”
Man-2-man: “Wow! You look amazing!” (maybe throw in a ‘bruh’ somewhere in there)
The second would come off as having some kind of sexual excitement embedded. For there to be some understood lack of sexual excitement, it’ll have to be worded something like: “That ish is nice, son!” Both say the samething…
Men and women have a different languages/ways of addressing each other. Trying to mix and match the homo-gender languages will likely make any nonmember of a gender feel uncomfortable.
Like:
man-2-man: “Eh maaan… Stop being a little b*tch and [...]” (even in a criticizing moment it’t not AS serious as below)
woman-2-woman: “Eh maaan… Stop being a little b*tch and [...]” (Replies: “Who the f*ck you calling a b*tch, b*tch?!?!” or “Why are you calling me a ‘man’?”)
I’ve seen cat fights start due to that statement alone, friends or not. Just saying… lol
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It’s pretty cool, although here’s what:
women , give and forgive, then give, and give, give, give, give, take, and give, give, and give. Given again , and give give give give give and give.
Meanwhile in another mindset , men, take, and take and take, take, take, ache, take, take take, take and take, and then, only once in a much later time – give, then get angry and TAKE, and then usually that kind of couple get Married
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