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When Prayer Isn’t Enough
Dr. Jesus, why aren't you taking notes?
I grew up hearing that illnesses like depression, schizophrenia, and obsessive compulsive disorder were not real. Drug addiction needed to be sweated out and prayed away. If people had emotional issues, no matter what childhood or adulthood events they endured, therapy wasn’t an opinion. The source of their issues couldn’t be the result of a chemical imbalance, early exposure to violence, or abandonment issues. “No girl, that’s just the devil.”
I’m not sure where this idea started, but I know in many Black families, the idea of visiting a psychologist is out of the question. I have heard it from my own family members. People needing therapy sometimes presents the risk of putting family business out in the street, or so it is told in Black households. After my own trips to a therapist or two, I can say I firmly disagree. In many Black families the idea of going to a therapist represents a strike against one’s faith in the healing power of God.
She don’t have no depression. She’s just lazy.
I think one of the biggest issues surrounding mental health, across all races and cultures is a lack of education. Let’s look at some good celebrity examples.
Y’all remember the Nets player Jason Williams, who shot and killed his limo driver? In April, dude was found to be suicidal in his hotel room. Or what about Houston, that singer/one hit wonder who gouged his own eye out after having a psychotic break of sorts? In an interview, dude claims that thugs and mobsters gouged his eye out. More recently, Fantasia entered the spotlight after a failed suicide attempt.
I used those examples to demonstrate the extent to which psychological issues can blow up when they go ignored or unaddressed for years at a time. I would bet money that these two men, over the course of their lives or in the moments before their “mental breaks,” displayed signs that went unexplored, explained away, or just ignored. In my own family, I have seen psychological issues manifest for decades and continue to be medicated through drug addictions and unhealthy relationships. Yet all people think to do is “pray for him” or suggest that we “take her to church so she can find God,” with little attempts to understand what was good (or not).
This may come across as harsh, but prayer doesn’t quiet the voices in the mind of a paranoid schizophrenic telling him the government has his house wire tapped. Prayer doesn’t answer the questions and emotional pains caused by insecurity, abandonment, or abuse. And prayer doesn’t take away that itch for the crack-rock or drank of that Irish Rose.
What are we so afraid of?
Or are we just undereducated about the reality of mental illness? Uncle Ray-Ray’s dementia or Alzhemier’s are just chalked up to him being old. John’s pyromania and violent acts lead to punishment and reprimanding, but nothing else. But why nothing else? To some, going to therapy is a sign of weakness. And we all know, Black folks don’t like to look like they can’t handle their own, nor do we like to feel like our business is out in the street. Going to therapy, or making the decision to even try it out, requires one to put their hands in the air and let a few things go:
For the spiritual or religious, we have to say “God alone can’t help me with this.”
Note I said “God alone.” Prayer is great. The Bible is the bomb for some. Church does the job for others. But those things in and of themselves do not heal mental health issues. In my opinion, the belief that a relationship with God alone will cure psychological ills is the reason why so many of the cancerous cycles exist within our families and communities.
For the practical, we have to be willing to confess that time doesn’t heal all wounds.
Yeah, that happened when I was 8. I’m 24. I should be over this by now!
Unfortunately, in many instances, it doesn’t work like that. In all that time between 8 and 24, lots of other stuff has happened, issues have gone unresolved, and questions unanswered. More time isn’t going to undo that.
For the tough and independent, we have to be willing to say “I need help.”
This is where we gotta put the pride aside and be willing to accept the advice and guidance of others, and grapple with the idea that we cannot always talk ourselves out of our pain and problems.
What are your thoughts about mental health issues? Is therapy a cock ‘o crap? Are mental illnesses real? Can they be prayed away? Have you ever been to a therapist/counselor/psychologist/life coach? What’s the deal with the taboo in Black families surrounding mental health? Do tell.
Writing is part of my therapy,
37 Responses to “When Prayer Isn’t Enough”
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Wow. I love you guys for this. As a sufferer of and a burgeoning advocate for mental health issues, I have heard that I was lazy or had weak faith for years. I wasted 10 good years of my life because I didn’t take my mental health seriously. I’ve been ostracized and had people be just plain cruel to me once I disclosed my diagnosis with what I thought to be “friends”. Even today, with all I know, medication, self study and therapy it’s still an everyday struggle. With ANY illness, you have to stay on top of it to maintain a good quality of life. I realize that now and with A LOT of help and self-discovery, I am a better person for it and can now enjoy life to the fullest!
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Wow!!! I have had this conversation several times with my friends. I know I have had several issues that has taken me to the edge. I have had several times when I did not know what else to do and I was just tired of praying, tired of crying. I have been to therapists as well but even as a social worker, I never fully got involved because I was afraid of being stigmatized. I know mental illness exist within my family but no one has recieved help for it. Recently one of my family members attempted suicide (fortunately he is ok).
Mental illness is real!!! I currently work with adolescents with various issues. It is real. I think in our community if we show a lack of faith (seeing a therapist) that shows we don’t believe in the power and strentgh of God. But like you said prayer isn’t enough. It is good but it just isn’t enough.
One of the things I am trying to focus on in my professional development is the awareness of mental illness within the black community. We all know it is there but we do not speak of it. We push it off as other things within our families.
It is the pink elephant in the room we keep walking around trying not to disturb.
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Prayer doesn’t answer the questions and emotional pains caused by insecurity, abandonment, or abuse.
Yeah, that happened when I was 8. I’m 24. I should be over this by now!
^^^These two statements hit home for me.
Have you ever been to a therapist/counselor/psychologist/life coach?
^^^When my parents first separated & we left NY to go to GA…when i went to a different school, i saw another social worker…in the course of less than 2 years, i saw 3 social workers…it helps but the things happened after…
I don’t suffer from mental illness but i can only imagine what they are going through. Prayer helps but it isn’t the only remedy…it helps to talk it out & confide in others that you can trust..and Therapists have something called patient doctor privilege & therefore can not tell what occurs in their sessions…come to think of it, i may need to see one soon…#deepsigh
Great post!
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This is absolutely awesome. I have seen the horrors of mental illness and it hurts so bad. My sister committed suicide last year as did my sister-in-law 4 years ago. I myself suffer from depression from time to time and I think that I may seek counseling soon. You are right, in black families mental illness is definitely a taboo subject. It’s very sad.
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I come from a very Christian family, my Grandfather was a pastor. Prayer was always the answer. From sickness to passing a spelling test, we prayed about it. One of my Grandmothers used to prayer over us, holy oil included, before we left her house.
My family also knew that there were somethings that had to be approached differently. Fortunately I’ve only heard about the issues that people’s families have about seeing therapists or counselors.
When I started going to therapy my family and friends were very supportive and, for the most part, thought anything that would help me cope better was alright with them.
I wish more people knew more about therapy and how helpful it can be to have someone to talk to. Someone who doesn’t judge you or necessarily give you the answers, but listens and helps you help yourself.
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mental health issues are just like any other health/physical issues that occur in other places in the body. you wouldn’t have cancer and say i’m going to leave it all to God would you? God helps those who help themselves. i’ve never been to a therapist but i would go. maybe i do need to see one. *shrug*
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 30th, 2010 at 7:48 am
you wouldn’t have cancer and say i’m going to leave it all to God would you?
Surprisingly, some older black people think like that, or they don’t trust doctors enough to go (which I can understand to an extent). They wait until their illness has them bed-ridden or losing a limb until they see someone. I’ve seen it in my own family.
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MadScientist7 Reply:
August 30th, 2010 at 10:08 am
and they usually end up dying. smh. i believe that God put modern medicine and doctors in place to work everyday miracles.
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Capricorn Reply:
August 30th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
ITA.
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L. Dejean Reply:
August 30th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
That’s like in Soul Food when Big Mama was forced to go to the doctor about her “diabetus”…since my family has some doctors in it, we advocate going to the doctor but not as much with therapists.
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It is a an issue in the black community. When I was going thru my divorce I actually made an appointment to go see a therapist..but, I didn’t make it to the session. I still may do it one of these days.
I am not sure how I’m feeling about Fanny these days. I feel like, she’s headed down a very difficult path..and I’m not sure what the outcome will be..but, I think the first order of business would be to leave that man alone..but, now I hear a rumor she may be pregnant….I sure hope that isn’t the case…
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Miss Jenkins…were you at my church this weekend? This article is so ironic because we had “Mental Health and Recovery Sunday” yesterday where our guest speaker and our pastor were saying basically the same thing. Prayer is where it starts but not where you should leave it. Time alone doesn’t do anything to heal wounds, all it does is creates layers and layers to cover it up.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 30th, 2010 at 7:59 am
Time alone doesn’t do anything to heal wounds, all it does is creates layers and layers to cover it up.
If more people realized this, there would way more successful relationships of ever kind.
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This is a great post!!! And I agree with you…sometimes Black people wait until it’s too late.
Though I’m not married, I often tell my married friends they should go to counseling as a refresher. I always get “it’s not that serious.” They wait until a HUGE blowout, or until things cannot be fixed to decide to go.
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Good post! My oldest sister and I have depression issues and it’s hard to explain to older black folks that “you just aren’t yourself today.” Granted her depression is much more severe than mine but explaining the peaks and valleys of depression to someone who isn’t trying to understand makes it much more frustrating.
When I’m down I pray for strength to keep going but I have to remember that I have to put up a fight against my fears and depression too.
It’s funny that you mentioned Uncle Ray-Ray and his issues because from time to time when we have family gatherings I sit back and watch my relations for clues to see if my depression is hereditary. It’s hard looking at a room full of your relations and thinking “I am so f***ed!”
“Writing is part of my therapy,”
I write to get my thoughts out to. This is my best form of therapy.
Again, I love this post.
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Good post Jenkins, good post. Heavy for a Monday morning though… #ijs.
I do think that receiving therapy or anything other than prayer creates an outcast of a person in a typical black community. The reasons for that are evident with the black community being so heavily involved in church. I myself thought depression was a non-issue and that people were really just sad and didn’t know how to express it. I thought that seeing a therapist for this ‘sadness’ was just fine as well as receiving prayer… but depressed people were only sad and the pharmaceutical companies were just trying to make money. Then… *BAM* I got hit.
The depression and bi-polar tendencies came as a byproduct of another medication I was taking. I have NEVER prayed and cried so hard in my life. Being an active church-goer my first reaction was to say… I’m not healed b/c my faith isn’t strong enough. Turning to a doctor or outside sources seemed taboo (not b/c my family didn’t support me… my mom made the appt) but b/c I myself doubted my faith. It wasn’t until I found a christian website dealing w/ therapy/depression that referenced depression in the Bible with various folks that I knew I could seek help in other places. Fortunately for me, because I recognized the signs/symptoms early and stopped taking the other medication my body worked through the chemical imbalances I was feeling and today it seems so strange to even think that it was my life. However, I’m sooooo grateful for making it through the experience. It taught me how to feel and gave me a way to talk to others who’ve felt the same. Now when somebody says I’m depressed or I’m bi-polar I feel for them b/c I know the pain they are going through.
I like what Mrs Smiley Face said though… “Prayer is where it starts but not where you should leave it.” For a spiritual person, this is important. Last but not least in this epic length comment is this quote from the post, “And prayer doesn’t take away that itch for the crack-rock or drank of that Irish Rose.” I think this where the issues come from. A difference in miracles/faith. I’ve seen and personally experienced (well… my dad has the experience, I watched) my father be completed delivered from crack-cocaine in the 80s by prayer alone. He didn’t go through the stages of withdrawl, never saw a doctor and has never been back. And his crack addiction was DEEP. If you saw him today, you wouldn’t know unless he told you. While I praise God for my father’s deliverance, I know that this was the source of my tug-o-war with the depressive episode I had. I wanted God to heal me in the same fashion. I thought b/c he didn’t that meant my faith was lacking. It took a reasoning with from my dad, research on the internet & prayer to realize I wasn’t doing anything wrong by taking it a step further than the altar at church.
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Thanks for posting this. You’d be amazed at how many of us are in treatement, but refuse to talk about it, for simple fear of being ostrasized *sp?*. To hell with that: when I got to my low point, I got professional help. (And thank God I had the resources and the money to do so, use your job’s EAP services, that’s how I started my treatment.) Say what you want to say about me (ppl will talk regardless of what you do or dont do), YOU dont have to live in my hell everyday. I am responsible for me and if you dont like it, keep it moving.
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EXCELLENT post!
I’ve had this discussion with my BFF on numerous occasions…why mental health is so taboo in the black community.
I know a few people who NEED to see a therapist and was hesistant. I had a friend call me after having a miscarriage at 4 months. She needed someone to talk to, and I was there for her, but I also suggested she seek counseling or a support group. Thankfully, she’s in the process of seeking help and I hope it works out.
My boy on the other hand, refuses to get help. He believes his friends and family are helping him cope with his wife’s suicide. *sighs* The 1st therapist he saw, he didn’t like. I told him there are more out there, he has to find the right “fit”. You think he did it? Nope. I honestly don’t think he’ll heal properly w/o it.
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This ia a really good post. I can so relate to this. I agree with So Fly that this is really a heavy topic and it is bringing up alot of emotions for me. I go to therapy and it has helped tremendously. I think therapy is a great tool when you find the right person for you.
I think Fantasia should go for counselling but not see a life coach. She has some serious issues and needs someone licensed to be able to help her. I saw the VH1 special and the Good Moring America interview and I feel like her label,manager, pr people are kind of using the suicide to promote her album. It was really painful to watch the VH1 show because the opening was about the suicide. She really needs to get out of the spotlight to work on her issues but she has a entire family on her shoulders to take care of. When she said that after she woke up in the hospital and the first thought was “damn, I’m still here” my heart sank.
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I’ve always heard many of my family members state mental health problems were hogwash because black people have suffered so much and they didn’t go crazy so what’s different about today. They feel like what’s the point of paying thousand when talking to your family is free.
I don’t agree with those statements at all. People have always have mental illness unforunately they were not allowed to seek help because one what’s available wasn’t offered to them and secondly some of those people who served as tiggers were sitting right there so it there was even less of a reason to open up.
If I ever was in the position where I needed counseling I would openly seek because I recognize that doesn’t make me weak but aware that this is beyond me.
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I’m actually back in school for a degree in counseling. Specifically school, but I will get a good background in general counseling to start off with. Part of what draws me to this is how many people think they don’t need to see someone when they’re having problems and how much of that is cultural.
What’s interesting is that as I was looking over the requirements for my degree, I noted I have to get a certain number of hours of counseling for myself. My initial thought? “I don’t need counseling.” LOL. It takes some time to undo that thought process…
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This is an awesome post. I have no idea why mental illness is treated as a figment of one’s imagination, as if there is a need to make up something on top of what hell could be one’s reality.
I’m a firm believer in the saying “God helps those who help themselves.” As my pastor has preached a lot of times before, prayer helps, but do what you need to do while believing. Don’t toss your pills while saying “Only God can help me.” The pills can help you, too, which is the reason they were invented! Take your pills with the faith that you won’t have to much longer, but for goodness’ sake, don’t abort any plan to help you, on some “super faith smashers” type stuff.
For a semester in college, I visited a counselor. I was stressed out from a full schedule and 3 jobs, and needed someone to help me make sense of it. My mom supported me through it, as mental illness has a history on her side of the family, and she wanted to make sure I was being taken care of.
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Remember when Ron Artest shouted out his therapist after the NBA Finals? I was so glad he did that, despite the reaction and criticism that move got. The more we see mental health as just another component of general health, the more people will seek help when they need it. That’s my theory, anyway.
This post really hit home for me. Without going too deep, both sides of my family has a history with mental health issues. I’ve seen too many of them self-medicate with God and gin. We’re always told to be strong, but never that strength comes from admitting you need help. Let’s just say someone really close to me just moved and I’m scared that his underlying mental health issues, if left unchecked, could really derail his future. And I’m scared because I wish I could do more to steer him on a better path than the one I took when I had my own ish that got out of control.
Thank you again for this. This was really sobering. It makes me want to do more to help myself and my fam move forward and resolve, instead of mask, our mental health concerns.
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I cosign this post 100%. Im a strong believer in Young Yahweh and JC2000BC, but we have to use our resources both natural and supernatural and not use religion as a crutch.
Great things here Tiff!
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QueenT Reply:
August 30th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Co-Signeth!!
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I’m not sure if it’s just the way that I was raised, but therapy/counseling was always discussed..
My mother took eveyone to a counselor because me and my brother couldn’t get along.. (it was too much work for him)
After being raped, I saw a counselor.
I saw a therapist because of my issue with sex..
Pre-marital counseling..
I even saw a counselor because I had severe insomnia..
All that!
I come from a Christian home, but sometimes God speaks to us through people.. If there’s another method that will help the healing process move along, then I’m all for it..
I think therapy isn’t discussed because it’s looked at like you’re taking matters into your own hands and not trusting God for the outcome.. Like saying “I need help” is so wrong.. I don’t understand it..
At all..
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Wu Young Agent of M.E. Reply:
August 30th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
@Nick@Nite
“I even saw a counselor because I had severe insomnia..”
My best friend is an insomiac. I honestly don’t think he’s had a good nights sleep since 80 something. I feel for him.
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I’m really glad you talked about this.
I’m Nigerian, and if you think it’s bad in the black community, you don’t want to imagine what it’s like in the African society.
Sometime last year I read about a case of a girl who after manifesting clear psychotic symptoms almost all her life ended up bludgeoning her mother to death with a hammer because the voices in her head told her to.
All her earlier signs had been blamed on spiritual attacks and sorcery, if only her family had not been so ignorant she’d have gotten the help she needed and even after she killed her mother, people just kept going on about how she’s evil and possessed and deserves to die with no one talking about how she should get the. Help she needs.
I hope that more awareness is raised on the issue of mental health to prevent such happenings in the future
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This is so true on so many levels. I am in the process right now in getting my Doctorate in Forensic Psychology and I know all to well how it is viewed in ethnic cultures…PLEASE PLEASE PPL IF YOU HAVE A ISSUE I ASK THAT YOU GET HELP. THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU WEAK OR LAZY. THIS MAKES YOU STRONG & SMART BECAUSE YOU CAN SAY I HAVE PROBLEM AND LET ME SEEK HELP TO FIX IT B4 IT BECOMES TO LATE. SOMETIMES PRAY JUST ISN’T ENOUGH.
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Someone put it to me this way: God gave us all free will. Whatever issue you are having, by talking to someone *qualified* about it, you are being a blessing to that person, by reaffirming their training and *gift* and they are being a blessing to you by helping you remove the clouds that are blocking God’s light for you.
did that make sense?
The general idea of that is: Faith without works, is dead.
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As someone who is a self identified agnostic but respectful of peoples religious perspective but it really worries me how people rely so heavily on theology to survive. If there’s no food “god” will make a way, you have cancer but god won’t let you die if your faithful. I actually have a friend who believes that babies born with abnormalities parents didn’t pray enough when they were in the womb. Ummm…what?
In my family mental illness doesn’t exist I have an aunt who broke up with her boyfriend and had what I would identify as a nervous break. Sitting naked in her house talking to him (he wasn’t there). She proceeded to run through Washington park in Chicago again naked. This park is huge! Talking about demons in her chest. What did my family do? Caught her and brought her home, no hospitilization or anything! This happened 20 yrs ago. In discussing it with one of my aunts a couple of months ago she with a straight face told me she thought my aunt was suffering from acid reflex!!! Those weren’t demons it was gas! I could have passed out.
Another issue rape and molestation. No one wants to discuss it or talk about it. Often our community expect these girls to just forget about, move on, and is expected to be around this person like everything is normal. Oprah actually talked about as an adult her family expecting her to make dinner for her perpetrator and she was struck by how inappropriate it is. Forgiveness is great but this is perpetuating the harm committed against the victim.
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I was talking to a friend of mine & i told him I’m the person my friends come to for advice & speak to…then he asked me “and who do you have to go to?” and it was like the wind was knocked out of me cause no one has asked me that before and in all honesty, i said “no one”…i need to find a therapist soon, at least that will be one person though i’d have to pay them!
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I love this post.
we are certainly not the only ones with the issue of God will take care of it (Christian Scientist) but we tend to suffer the most. I’m 100% in support of doing every little thing you need to do in order to be healthy. I think that as a culture we tend to down play the importance that seeing someone can have (“giiiiirl she needs to see a therapy- she crazy!”) which often leads us to think that if we do go to see a therapist- it’s because we’re insane.
Much like the stigma of homosexuality- it’s something that we as the younger generation are charged with correcting in both ourselves, our elders, and our prodigy.
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This post is GREAT. I have to forward this to various memebers within my family. I have my thoughts i want to add as well but i’ll find the time later in the day.
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Love the post! Different people in my family have struggled with mental health issues. Life is hard, and sometimes you lack the comprehension to fully digest what is going on. It is actually a sign of strength to recognize when you need outside help. If you believe in God- He created us to be creatures of communion. So if we’re struggling, we’re supposed to seek help.
I know when my friend tried to commit suicide and called me right afterwards. I couldn’t deal with that on my own so I went to see a counselor. Best decision I’ve ever made! I gained so much out of that experience.
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This post was right on time. Thank you so much for taking the initiative to write about a stigma in our black community. I was off today and went to see my new therapist because prayer just isn’t enough for me. My extended family was very supportive years ago when they found out I was seeking help but my mother initially was not. She is one of those people who thinks that “God can fix everything.” I can honestly say seeking therapy throughout the years has changed me for the better. I wish more of my friends and family ( my mother included) would stop Jesus bandaiding everything.
I love how Mrs. Smiley face said “Prayer is where (recovery) starts but not where you should leave it.” One of my best friends is getting her therapy license and the stories she has told me (excluding names of course) about her some of her clients makes my heart ache. How can someone tell a woman that tries to drown her children to just “Pray about it”?
Again thank you for posting this.
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PRRREEEAAAAACH!!!!
Standing ovation and a lil sumthin in the offering plate. This is truth, and so many of our skin folk need to read this.
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