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Can We Talk For A Minute?
Apparently not. Unless it’s on GChat.
Remember the days when you had to have a phone conversation with someone to get to know him or her? Well those days seem dead and gone as text messages, email, gchat, AIM, Skype, FB, myspace, twitter, and all the other mediums of communication have managed to trump face-to-face or ear-to-ear conversations. To a certain extent, I like being able to talk to someone throughout the day via one of these thangs. When I’m at work, I can’t be sitting on my cooler than your phone iPhone all day. Plus the small talk helps make the day go by faster.
But…you can’t really get to know someone without picking up the phone.
I’m sorry, but most of our first few communications should not be via text message (save work hours, being busy, etc). Back in undergrad this was cute, but things have changed. Can you really determine your interest in someone based on their 300 character text messages? Then again, maybe texting is an indication of lack of interest. I guess if I was really interested, I would pick up the phone and call. Or answer his calls. Either way, I hope your text messaging prowess translates into real time communication skills.
What about when you are in a relationship?
Let’s see:
You and your boo are currently in a rough spot. She said something crazy to you. He did something that really hurt your feelings. Maybe there is something in the air that is not sitting well between the two of you and it wasn’t his or her flatulence.
You know that you have to talk about it, but you both work all day, and can’t really talk. Instead, you (at least) IM or email your thoughts. You get to say what you need without seeing her tears or the pulsating veins in his forehead. By the time you see each other later, the hard part is over. You get some pumpington kiss and make up.
I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with this, but it’s just something to think about. In some instances, I have chosen to email/IM about an issue so that he couldn’t see me cry sweat. Sometimes it’s difficult to articulate my emotions face to face. I get all flustered, forget what I really wanted to say, or skip over the main reason for my angst. My heart races a bit, my voice gets all shaky, and I feel uncomfy. But behind a computer screen, it was so much easier. I didn’t have to worry about forgetting that really important point that I wanted to make, and things came across at least semi-coherently. After the dust settled though, I wondered if I should have just had the face-to-face conversation. Was I taking the easy way out? *shrugs*
So good people, how do you think technology and the internets have affected the way we relate to each other? Has the essence of communication between people changed? Can communication in relationships thrive on these mediums alone? Have you started to use text messaging and IM as a reason to spend less time on the phone or face to face with people? Do communication rules change once you begin a relationship with someone? Talk to me. Please.
You can’t have my number, but here is my email address,
Oh yeah. Please click that banner in the top right corner and NOMINATE US! Or you can click here. Sorry for yelling.
11 Responses to “Can We Talk For A Minute?”
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Sometimes it’s difficult to articulate my emotions face to face. I get all flustered, forget what I really wanted to say, or skip over the main reason for my angst. My heart races a bit, my voice gets all shaky, and I feel uncomfy.
^^^This happens to me too! I’m not good with verbally saying what i need too…writing makes it a lot easier for me.
So good people, how do you think technology and the internets have affected the way we relate to each other? Things have definitely become a bit more impersonal and people’s relationships are under really close microscopes by people who have no business trying to evaluate it in the first place.
Has the essence of communication between people changed? Yes, they have…
Can communication in relationships thrive on these mediums alone? I think it depends on the people, how they best communicate and feel comfortable with.
Have you started to use text messaging and IM as a reason to spend less time on the phone or face to face with people? Nope, i think it just comes easier to me…especially if in a long distance situation or just really busy.
Do communication rules change once you begin a relationship with someone? I think its about what the people in the relationship want…everyone is different!
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So good people, how do you think technology and the internets have affected the way we relate to each other?
Technology has drastically changed the way we relate to each other. We are more impersonal.
Has the essence of communication between people changed?
The essence of communication has definitely changed. Communication entails more than words. Sometimes more is said in the tone, gestures and physical mannerisms which cannot be observed in text messaging.
Can communication in relationships thrive on these mediums alone?
Some ‘relationships’ (if you want to call them that) have but I stay away from relationships where text and IM is the only way we comunicate.
Have you started to use text messaging and IM as a reason to spend less time on the phone or face to face with people?
I use text messaging and IM to flirt and keep connected with my SO during the day but not to carry on whole conversations. I typically text/IM in addition to a daily conversation. It has nothing to do with face time. I actually prefer face time. My love languages are quality time and physical touch so I required face time, physical affection and devoted time on the phone or in person.
Do communication rules change once you begin a relationship with someone? Yes. Most times i set the stage by not texting. If he texts me, I usually pick up the phone and call.
i have dated a guy where I learned he was sending out mass texts to all his women. Texting allows certain folks to manage multiple people in their lives.
I understand some people communicate better in writing (as I do) but when it comes to certain topics and conversations, I believe it is best done via a live conversation. And If someone is unable to have a live conversation about topics, they really need to work on their effective communication skills.
I want to be able to grow old with someone who I enjoy “communicating” with.
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I still have a mean phone game! I can and will talk for awhile..I enjoy a good conversation. I don’t text all that much..If I do its one or two sentences. if you think you’re getting a whole conversation out of me you will be dissapointed. I am the type of person who will in mid-text.. just call you. I don’t have time for all of that typing. Back in my hey day…the most you could do was beep somebody. There was no texting or internet….dag, I sound old..lol. No but it’s a fact…so, I really don’t get down with the whole texting movement..but, I will do it on occassion. I try to tweet..and that is just too much. I am on Facebook… but Its really just to keep in touch with friends and family…I rarely post a status update.
The times are changing but I will not in terms of how I choose to communicate…unless, they do away with the phone altogether..until then..I will be using it! LOL
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Communication has become more impersonal it is true and I totally agree with QueenT ….. I can however text/tweet/Facebook/Chat as much as the next person but nothing beats a good phone call. I think it is easier sometimes to have a “difficult” conversation with someone when they can’t observe your body language and vice versa but where’s the fun in that. Plus isn’t body language sometimes more important than what is actually being said? Most importantly how can you gauge whether the other person, SO or otherwise, is really understanding what you’re saying? I think social networking is good for keeping in touch with family and friends but in relationships it loses its importance. Am a hopeless romantic so it isn’t necessarily what the guy says but how he says it …. Hearing them laugh out loud beats reading a LOL any day.
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I love the idea of texting/chatting throughout the day, but I’m over the idea of learning someone through texting or having any conversation of significance through text/chat. A lot of the things I say depend heavily on context and inflection, two things that are absent in a text-based conversation. I’ve had episodes of what I call “lost in textlation” too many times to rely on typing as my main form of communication.
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I don’t think you can get to know someone through texting. In fact I think I do think it can show lack of interest…especially if the people involved aren’t going on many dates.
You won’t catch me kee-keeing it up on the phone too often…I’d rather just chill in person. However, I’m not against it.
And c/s this:
“A lot of the things I say depend heavily on context and inflection, two things that are absent in a text-based conversation.”
Especially if the parties involved don’t know each other well…miscommunication via text is boundt o happen.
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Nick_L_Odeon Reply:
July 6th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
my consistent comment is that there’s no way to capture tone in a text..
there’s 50-lem “lol” because that’s the only way i can know that you’re joking.. (you’re not laughing out loud THAT many times sucka!)
yeah, i’d rather not….
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LaBakir Reply:
July 6th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Yeah, pretty much. And sarcasm can be hard to read it you don’t if the person is sarcastic. Or good jokes may be taken the wrong way.
SB: I haven’t heard back from dude since I pulled his card. SMH…he was another “chronic texter”.
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your closing line is funnyu, because i’ve ACTUALLY started giving out my email address. we have to communicate a little bit that way in order for me to feel comfortable enough for you to get the number.
because it’s the way i was raised, i’m more comfortable communicating through writing.. HOWEVER, when we have to engage in face to face combat, i can usually be seen with the notes on a piece of paper so i don’t forget anything.. there’s few things worse than thinking the problem is solved, then getting home and saying “d*mn, i forgot THAT point..”
i do think that technology has gotten in the way of basic human interaction.. i once had a guy cuss me out (via email) because i didn’t receive his invite in time to make lunch..
REALLY homey!?!?
i love text, me and texting are cool.. it’s just that there’s the breed of people that want to have 7 hour text conversations when a 20 minute phone call would clear up everything.. THEMS the people i can’t deal with!!
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i like to talk, but not much
for years and years people have had intimate relationships carried on mainly using the written word
famous people’s love letters and other correspondence are considered part of their historic record
there was a time when speaking via phone was considered less proper and formal than writing letters, sending engraved invitations, leaving calling cards etc..
technology and times change, i’m ok with that
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LdnChica Reply:
July 7th, 2010 at 5:46 am
I feel sending letters or calling cards is different to sending a text or an e-mail. It won’t take ten minutes/seconds. It is something you put some thought to. I went to boarding school in secondary school, what you would call high school in the USA, and I used to write letters all the time because we hardly had any contact with the “outside world”. I would prefer a letter over an e-mail any day lol.
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