Double Feature Thursday: When to Invest in a Significant Other
Today we have a couple of videos for you!
About the 1st Video: When to Invest in a Significant Other
Our neighborhood relationship expert, Paul Carrick Brunson, is back with a couple of excellent videos. If you missed his previous appearance on 3 Ways, he broke down women’s “pickiness” in finding a significant other into 2 mentalities: shopping and investing, If you look through the comments on that post, you’ll notice a few people questioned his approach and alluded not to not wanting to invest into a man that doesn’t bring anything to the table. A few other readers were curious to know how they should go about determining when is the right time to invest.
In the 1st video below, Paul covers exactly that. He outlines 4 questions that she be asked before making that determination and goes into detail on each. Those who have read the Gary Chapman Love Languages book will definitely appreciate this. There’s also a good amount of comedic value and “guest appearances” that’ll make it worth the watch.
About the 2nd Video: Paul’s Exclusive Interview with Helena Andrews, Author of “Bitch is the New Black”
As I mentioned previously, Helena Andrews was the subject of the controversial Washington Post article on successful Black women being lonely. That article was one of the catalysts of the media frenzy focusing on the plight of the single successful Black woman. In the 1st part of this interview, they discuss her thoughts on the response to the Washington Post article, her book, and a couple other areas. This video is definitely a must-see for men and women.
Please share your feedback on the video(s). We’re curious what folks think about the method Paul proposes to determine if someone is worth the investment, as well as his interview with Helena.
17 Responses to “Double Feature Thursday: When to Invest in a Significant Other”
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I will shamelessly comment first, before the midnight hour.I will proudly comment first, before the midnight hour, because this post is REALLY that great. Fundamentally, it’s short, witty, and efficiently informative. Ok, now I’m done being an extremely extra ThreeWays fan.
Real talk though, Brunson couldn’t be more right. The most functional relationships I’ve known have had those 4 qualities as the foundation. I’ve learned lately that relationships aren’t supposed to be complicated, they’re actually supposed to make life easier. I feel like following his model helps take a lot of stress out of picking/investing in/committing to a significant other.
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His video was good. Definitely all good things to think about. I think I’ve gotten to the point of really wanting something real in life (and not just directionless crushes) and I will take those things into consideration next time it comes around (whenever that may be because like the next video implies, I’m a lonely black woman with an education, career, and my couch).
As far as the second one, I got bored. I read the article though and think a lot of it is true, for me anyway. I talk about it all the time.
Her knees were ashy when she got out the limo. I dunno why that bothered me. Sorry.
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I will wait on the second installment to have a full understanding of where she is coming from. Her article on WAPO i think was to get folks riled about her book & the movie. I believe u get what u project and she said in WAPO article that she is a mean person and it seems she is missing those ingredients that Paul mentioned and MAYBE that is the reason she attracts “conrows”. I personally thing the issue of blakc single women is broad subject and we can’t subject it to myopic views.
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Loved Paul Carrick’s follow-up vid, it made a lot of sense to me.
Now the interview with Helena Andrews… Is she really playing the Media left out parts of my quotes and misconstrued my statement bull crap? I finally read the article and I was 100% disgusted with her. She is doing all this to sell books, there is no sincerity with her, Superhead was more sincere. And really she is making an analogy btw Bitch is the New Black and Kaffir Boy! She gets a big HSD (Hoe sit down). I know I don’t sound very feminist right now but oh well. I am not totally writing her off, hopefully Part II will prove that she has a deeper message to share. I mean educated black woman step it up, little teenage girls are going to take this thing and run with it, its not cute!
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I really enjoy Paul Carrick Brunson’s videos and being able to discuss them.
The 4 questions are so on point and when I took a moment to ponder on them, I realized just how important those 4 questions are and how significant they are to figuring out if one is worthy of being invested into. Good look!
Looking forward to the pt. 2 w/ Ms. Andrews.
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ROTFL at “good feet in the top five”!
Thank you for this! I concur with the whole ‘list’ thing. I remember going through the whole process of writing a list with my girls in college. We decided that it shouldn’t include more than 5 or 6 characteristics or values. Of course one of my more “selective” friends came with a list of about 15…and these 15 had bullet points, footnotes, qualifiers, and well you get the point.
As far as Helena, after reading her WaPo article and watching the video, I’ve decided I’ll leave my comments about her on my own blog …
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Paul was SO on point! Those four questions make so much sense it’s almost ridiculous, lol. People don’t take the time out to answer these questions or hell even ask themselves theses questions…out of fear maybe?
As far as Ms Andrews goes…I didn’t watch it so I can’t comment on it, her article didn’t apply to me so….*shrugs*
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I am becoming a fan of Mr Brunson, he is not one of those…this is a hard and fast rule but he does bring up great points that make sense. His 4 questions are insightful. After reading Ms Andrews WaPo interview, I have decided not to pay her anymore attention…I always run for the hills when I hear a group of black women sitting and discussing the educated, career woman’s plight cause all I hear are women who think their careers and independence is what is hindering them from being sought after by quality men. I see where she is coming from because I used to sound just like her but I have since gotten over myself and realized my doctorate was not the reason why I was single. It was not my time and I was not all the way ready to be with someone. When my time came, I was blessed with a strong relationship where I can positively answer yes to the 4 questions (and more). Black women we should be patient, self-reflective and open minded.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
February 3rd, 2010 at 10:23 am
Co-sign x 10.
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Shoutsout to Paul for incorporating love languages. That book is a MUST read for everyone, whether your in a relationship or not. It gave me a totally new perspective on approaching all my relationships (friendships, intimate, etc…) because I focus less on giving to get (that is giving love the way I receive it) and giving to give (giving love the way the person receives it). I think if a person were to re-route any way they do relationships, that’s the one. It also helped me figure out why my mom and I butt heads so effin’ much…
BTW, my love language is quality time, just fyiI think at the crux of the 4 questions is this idea of taking a minute and considering what’s happening. Love can create a whirlwind that seems to take away all our good senses. I mean we will consider the sweet Jesus out of everything else like where to go to school, where to live, what car to buy but we won’t spend 5 minutes being sure that this person is (or could be in the very near future, like, say, tomorrow) the right one to make that effort with. ::shrug::
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I really enjoyed my introduction to Paul Carrick Brunson’s videos. Very insightful and presented as layman as possible. Those four questions should be asked and answered without hesitation unless you fear that what you thought was a good thing really isn’t that shiny. Removing oneself from directionless relationships are easier said than done, trust me, I know…but those questions will help.
Thanks.
P.S. I will wait to see part-two of the interview…so far, in my opinion, she is not saying anything.
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I watched the interview yesterday afternoon on Clutch Magazine. it seems like a few sites are featuring Mr. Brunson lately. Good stuff. I can’t wait to see the second part of the interview. I had no opinion on Helena as I didn’t read the WashPo article but reading all the blog commentary on it was enough to turn me off–but I do want to hear more of her POV.
the first video on Love Languages was very good. I think I need to pick up that book.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 28th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
I was waiting for a Clutch reader to say something.lol. Didn’t know it would be you. Glad you enjoyed either way.
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Reecie Reply:
January 28th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
I heard of him first on this site though, I like his style. People don’t really comment much on that site (depends on the topic) so its good to have the dialogue here.
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Three Ways Fam – I appreciate the dialogue and support for the Modern Day Matchmaker webisodes! While a few blogs distribute my content, I have specifically entered in partnership with Three Ways because of the intellect and analysis ya’ll bring to the discussion (see @Reecie’s comment).
As demonstrated by Episode #3 “How To Know When To Invest,” I will often select webisode themes/topics based on Three Way Fam comments (I read a comment by @Nik on my first posting here and ran with her question to create Ep #3).
I look forward to working with one of the best blogging teams to do it (@Miss Jenkins, @Seattle, & @Slim) to keep bringing ya’ll good relationship fodder.
Much respect,
Paul Carrick Brunson
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