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“My Girl(s) Said…”
Those three words will make a man shut down quicker than a campus party when the jakes show up. I’ve heard them before, my boys have too and we all share the same sentiment -- “Why Are You Listening To Them?!” It doesn’t frustrate me when ladies’ friends have an opinion, everyone likes to comment on other people’s lives. Especially when they don’t know anything about the situation at hand. After all, that’s the best time to do it! What gets me pissed is that ladies listen and act upon said words when there are plenty of reasons not to.
Your Girls Are Worse Than Fox News
Like the infamous news channel, they advertise “Fair and Balanced,” but they’re going to support their candidate regardless of the irrational decisions they may make. Before you succumb to the, “Eff that Negro” or the “He ain’t nothing” talk, perhaps you should tell them to not act as your Flavor Flav and give you the honest truth. Unlike women, dudes will tell their boy if he’s messing up as much as he will tell him if his girl is in the wrong. I can attest to that as I have been both the listener and the talker. When’s the last time your girls told you that you were messing up?
A Losing Attitude is Contagious
So, you often take heed to the advice given to you by the same girls that don’t have men, haven’t been able to keep one or are having their own problems with the ones they do have. Hmm. That’s like me going up to the Information Desk in the mall and asking them detailed questions about the situation in Israel. Just because they have some info, doesn’t mean it’s the kind you’re looking for. If you want to know about how to fend guys off and remain bitter and single, holla at your girl. Otherwise, you might want to seek out a better source.
“I Didn’t Do Anything Girl…”
You and him (or her, hehehe) are the only ones that hold the full story. Different perspectives, but essentially the same. Relay those thoughts to your homegirls and suddenly important details are omitted. For example, “Yeah Keisha, we were talking and then he just got up and left.” But you seem to have left out the part about how you told him to pack up his stuff and call Tyrone. Even when I hear stories from my female friends, it takes about 5 -- 10 questions before I get the full truth. So if you’re going to relay a story for feedback, give the full story. Just keep in mind that you’re about as innocent as O.J.
By now you’re either applauding or have a face that looks like you’re sucking a lemon head. So I’ll ask…
Fellas, have any more reasons to add or stories to tell?
Ladies, do you feel like your girls are as impartial as the Associated Press? Think dudes are just as biased? Tell a detailed story better than Charles Dickens?
Let me know, but please ladies, don’t ask your girls what they think first.
Seattle -- “I’m Dating You, Not Your Friends” -- Washington
Late Addition
I couldn’t resist folks. Slim showed me this video after reading this post and it had me rolling. Here’s how the conversation usually goes after women say those three magical words…
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u know, sadly this sh!t is true in many cases.
fortunate for me, the people i roll with are:
1. as real as me
2. know how i am
so they already know that there’s more then a possibility that my “growth opportunities” have somehow influenced whatever strife i’m in.
“my crew” (my moms excluded) tend to not just side with me because they are MY homies, but they really give me a perspective that makes me think more on my actions. they’ve never been the “that nucca ain’t sh!t” type (except my mom) and have always offered balanced feedback.
i don’t believe that “nuccas ain’t sh!t” so i don’t give that advice out myself. i do agree with you that the only 2 people who ever know the fullness of any situation are the 2 people that are in it so for someone to be so arrogant to throw their 2 cents in and dog another person out is re-dayum-diculous and quite foolish…
good post
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Wait, wait, wait… what do you mean by “growth opportunities”?
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ladebelle Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
you know… like my sh!t, my baggage, my imperfections
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Dang, Fox news, though…
If I have a friend worse than Fox News, I may as well give up now.
Will get back to this after extensive sleep!
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I think this is very true for some chicks. I have some yesmen in my crew, but I don’t go to them for advise, bc I know I’m gonna get some bull. There’s only one chick who I’ll ever listen to who will tell me when I’m being dead wrong.
I’ve been a yesman before, but I changed that last year. My entire motivation was because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Now I say, “F that,” you can hurt them by NOT telling them!
One of my homegirls is the “I didn’t do anything girl.” She is constantly leaving out information or telling everyone else different information so when we all get together and talk, no one knows truly what’s going on!
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I’ve stopped listening to what the my cousin says about anything, (I considered her one of my girls) becuz she’s full of ish and needs to get her own life together (side note:I love my family). One time she told me to pursue some guy who was just on a friends level with me, while he had tried hollerin at her??!!! She left that detail out until I failed miserably
WTF!! LMAO
I am naturally a very private person and I usually only go to one or two people for advice, if needed. I’m a Scorpio so I never usually take anyone’s advice, I just talk about my problems to others for purpose of venting (selfish?). I am also very intuitive so most of the time I search within myself for answers, plus I’m a woman- I’m always right hahahahahahah!
If I find myself asking for advice or venting and I start to sound like someone I would make fun of (ex. “girl he hasn’t called me in a week”…”girl I know it’s wrong but he hits me because he loves me”…”girl I want to break up with him but I’m afraid to do it”…”girl he keeps saying he’ll call me back and he never does”)I quickly put myself in check and deal with the issue at hand….
But as a I grow older I find that having your girls talking ish about guys with you can be comforting at times. As I nod my head agreeing with her as I sip
chugon a bottle of sauvignon blanc, I know damn well she’s wrong & doesn’t know the full story, but I’m glad to know that she has my back and is offering her ear and time.Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:11 am
So do you (meaning the fairer sex) just need to hear that you were right even though you know you were wrong?
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Yes..yes we do!!!
I’ll admit when I’m wrong..but I will make sure to bring up some shit from ages ago that you also did wrong so that I dont have to feel like shit for too long
50/50?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:20 am
“I’ll admit when I’m wrong..but I will make sure to bring up some shit from ages ago that you also did wrong so that I dont have to feel like shit for too long”
If I were dating you, I’d throw you out the window…
Onto a bed of roses and dandelions and other soft comfortable things to pad your landing. I’d still be angry though. I hate that. We need to establish a expiration date for old ish.lol.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Lol. Nah, I can’t co-sign on that one B&TT. Bringing up stuff from years past is another gripe of mine.
I know you guys have to feel “right” at all times, but I’d respect a woman a lot more for just admitting that she’s wrong without having to justify. 100?
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Slim you are so violent and romantic @ the same time LOL
guys do the same shit..its a defense mechanism..”if i go down i’m bringing you with me”….
but i mean i’m not gonna admit i’m wrong and just wallow in self pity & hang my head in shame..I’ll try to correct my “wrongs” but I like arguing it’s fun- sorry!!!
Will u throw in some cala lilies???? and some orchids??lol
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ChokLitFacory Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Slim said:
If I were dating you, I’d throw you out the window…
LMAO Wow!
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Forget cala lilies. I’ll throw in some callaloo and some rice and peas.
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Peyso from the Brook Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Just try admitting that you’re wrong, I bet you might jus wow some dude into ending the argument.
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Cheekie Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
“Will u throw in some cala lilies???? and some orchids??lol”
OMG, BT&T, are you ME?! Those are my two fave flowers, with orchids being numero uno and cala lilies following right after.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
sorry y’all just got back from a funeral…but ummm yea this is all just fun and games…I am woman enough to admit when I’m wrong (but i cant remember the last time that occured)….playful arguments and quarelling that leads to fun times in the bedroom…or on a bed of flowers, callaloo and whatever else u wanna throw on there for a safe landing…have a good weekend
@ cheekie- yea those flowers are my wedding flowers gurl!!!!!…
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Gwan Seakle!
Any smart woman will know that you have to always take the opinions of others with a grain of salt. Homegirls or not. Back in undergrad, I used to be heavily influenced by the thoughts of my friends. Now…not so much. But mostly because we have all gotten to places in our lives where we respect each others opinion, but will still do what we want anyway…sometimes to our detriment.
Sometimes you don’t need or want your friends to be impartial. When you are dealing with Shady McShadeson, you need someone who is not going to coddle you and be like, oh at least you have a man, etc etc. Thankfully my friends love me enough to tell me when I am acting crazy, or when I need to calm down. The type of woman you speak of in your post on both sides of the friendship have thangs they need to work on…
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Southern Belle Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
“But mostly because we have all gotten to places in our lives where we respect each others opinion, but will still do what we want anyway…sometimes to our detriment.”
Cosign. Sometimes we want to hate you and call you everything crass, because we know the shit that you’re on just isn’t fair, but we don’t want to believe it because we care more than we want to admit. So our friends step in, upon our widespread call to arms, to hate you for us because we can’t do it. Regardless of what they say, it won’t change how we feel. If the world worked like that, Oprah would be my savior and I’d find myself a Stedman because marriage is a practical joke in disguise.
We’re just well intentioned, innocent, kind creatures after all.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
“We’re just well intentioned, innocent, kind creatures after all.”
No you’re not.
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I love my girls, but I also know that I am incapable of presenting unbiased information. So I, for the most part, keep my business to myself. And I never ask anyone for advice because I never take it anyway and don’t want anyone to feel as though they’re words were wasted.
Unless there’s a “This dude hit me-man down-code 10″ situation, I keep it within my relationship. Me and my sweety are grown ups, quite capable of solving our own messes with the input from the peanut gallery. Lol.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 10:53 am
That code 10 situation…girl I PRAY that no man has to feel the beat down that would commence if that ever happened.
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Robin Monique (formerly Skinny Black Girl) Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Right! Like on Queens of Comedy when Miss Laura was talking about calling one number and all five phones ring instantly. Lol! That’s EXACTLY how me and my girls roll!
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Peyso from the Brook Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Ya cant fight….
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:11 am
“This dude hit me-man down-code 10?
Oh no, ma’m! I’d not only be callin my girls…I’d be callin Pookie, Ray-Ray and Day-Day (they brothers), Deebo, Bullet, and whoever else on the block!
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ChokLitFacory Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:27 am
LOL tru tru.
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I’m Salty. Eff you Seattle. I’m mad I didn’t write about this first!
This post has been the bane of my existence. Traditionally, wifey’s friends have been some of my worst enemies. It seems like my boys have always been ready to check me when I’m wilding and urge me to take action when shorty is outta control. When it comes to the women/girls I’ve dealt with (most of them at least), the friends have been instrumental in the downfall of the relationship.
That being said, I now like to find out more about the relationship between a chick and her friends and what they’re like. The older you get, the more you’re like the company you keep. If the friends have drama, I’ma always have drama with shorty.
I’ve also vowed to not date a chick in a sorority…for the time being. You date one of em and you gotta date all of em. I once dated a chick in a certain org and dreamed that 1000 elephants trampled me.
I still love yall though.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 10:58 am
We’re not all like that Slim. Tell me where she is. We’ll get that squared away.
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Robin Monique (formerly Skinny Black Girl) Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:12 am
LMAO @ 1000 elephants trampled you!
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ladebelle Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:11 am
u sounded super NY/northern in this response… that is HYSTERICAL to me…
smh…
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:16 am
I mean…I’m from Upstate NY. What else would you expect.lol.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Since this is in bold, I assume you’re screaming the entire time…like the Hulk…or the abominable snowman. Just sayin.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:18 am
No. Not screaming. Just wanted to be special in a cuddly sort of way.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 11:27 am
lol. you said “cuddly”.
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Cheekie Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
When reading Slim’s bolded posts, I kind of imagine him speaking in Barry-White-voice.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
lol. My voice is kinda deep. You’ll know what I sound like soon enough.
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Cheekie Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Oh, right. I saw that admin note up there. I have to admit I’ve wondered once or twice.
Excited about the podcast!
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I’ve never had a Fox news friend. I’m blessed to have friends who are very real with me—sometimes, too real. I guess it’s an expectation we have of each other: We serve as a support system…bearers of the necessary reality check.
I am very upfront with my friends and am always sure to keep them in check. I’m the first one to say, “Girl, you bein mighty extra right now.” But like many of us, while I can be real and give advice to others, when it comes to my own situations, I become blinded. Most times I really do need my friends to put that check on my forehead. But like Tiff said: In the end, it doesn’t matter what our friends tell us; we gon do what we wanna do anyway.
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This is a good topic…
Most of my friends ask me for advice because I tend to think like a guy and can give them advice str8 with no chaser. I don’t care who she is, I will tell her she Effin up if she is. I call it being an impartial observer.
However, the advice does not work the other way around mostly cuz some of my girls…they don’t do things the way I would do things. Also because I don’t like running to my them everytime dude starts PMSing.
Anyways, fellas, I think these situations always depend on the female herself, her personality, and how insecure (or clueless) she is. No matter how trifling her friends can be, she should be able to distinguish good advice form bull-ish (ie. she should have a brain)
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Peyso from the Brook Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
What happens if her brain gets cluttered by chick logic (or lack there of)?
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ChokLitFacory Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I think someone mentioned something below about Self-Evaluation. Yes…we should all try that one…
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This post is the truth. Respect Young Washington. One thing you didn’t mention is the scandalous instances, where your girls friend will be talking in her ear about how bad you are while she throws herself at you on the low. It doesn’t happen just on Jerry Springer folks…
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Can’t say I can relate to this one because I’ve never had Fox News Friends. Or…have I? *eyes dem broads conspiratorially*
On a serious tip, I do have a married cousin who has friends like that. Yup, you guessed it, they are all not-married with not man or have baby daddies. There was this one situation where her hubby was going to his brother’s club and booooy did they let loose! Comin’ up with all kinds of “what-if” or “he probably has” stories to haunt her at night. Hell, who knows if they’re true, but I tend to question the intentions of women who have absolutely nothing their friend has (hubby, good job with benefits, own house, etc) and always have something negative to say to the woman who has more. Usually about their man.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Does your homegirl see the sodium flying about?
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Cheekie Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Yup, she knows! I mean, she came to us (my sister and I) for advice…I know, that sorta thing is kinda what you’re talking about in today’s post…but we told her the TRUTH. We didn’t jump on the bandwagon and agree with those girls, we let her know how it’s really going down. But, deep down she knows because she wouldn’t have ranted about it in the first place. She just wanted some extra insight.
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First of all that video is hilarious!!
Umm I can’t really relate to this post cuz I don’t really take advice from my female friends. They generally make a situation seem 10 times worse and just get you all worked up, upset, sad, crying, furious, or some other negative emotion. I ALWAYS go to my guy friends, generally the ones who’ve done something wrong to their girl and can explain to me why. I tend to be an extremely empathetic person anyway so it’s very helpful for me to try to look at it from someone elses perspective.
All advice one receives is simply an opinion. It’s important to remember that.
I think, like someone else said, sometimes even when you know what you should do, or what you did was wrong, it’s still nice to just vent to your friends (girl or guy) and have them listen and give a different perspective.
In the end, we’re all adults and should be capable of filtering out good “opinions” (read advice) from our friends, Oprah, etc.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I’m mad Oprah’s advice is listed next to your friends’ advice. Lol.
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Steph Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
I don’t really watch Oprah much, cuz let’s be honest, I’m never home at 5 (I think it’s on at 5?)…but I was saying it for the sake of Oprah’s power over women.
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*DEAD* @ that video. I remember my coworker showed me that and I was in TEARS. We still bust out into that song and make up our own lyrics to this day. Kels done lost his mind a hundreds times over. The most hilarous thing is that he is completely serious. Ninja thinks he’s genius for this blasphemy of performances/videos.
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ChokLitFacory Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
This video/song is HILARIOUS!!! Hahah his best song on that album!
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The worse part is when your girl then wonders why all her friends hate you and why her family hates you. It’s because all you ever do is tell them the f’d up sh*t that I do. You never tell em when you f up, you never tell em when I do sumthin nice. All you say is how you do such and such and he does nothing. That’s that bovine excrement right there.
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LMBO @ that video!!!!! I talk to my friends about relationships all the time, but we all try to stay away from saying too many negatives things about someones boo…or potential boo. I don’t ever want to be the one to stop someone’s happiness…unless the guy really is a horrible person. This only happened once, when this guy was completely playing my friend and was basically leading a double life ( in another “committed” relationship with another girl). That’s the only time I think I said something. Otherwise, I know to let people make their own mistakes. I’ll mention something once, then let it go
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You know what. Reading all these comments makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with these women we call our “friends.” They need to get it together.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Does that mean you’ll be evaluating yourself as well?
**walks away slowly**
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
::wants to punch you in the face::
lol..nah, but I’m all about introspection and self evaluation…Something that all women should try at some point.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
“I’m all about introspection and self evaluation”
Amen to that! It’s quite healthy. Means nothing, though, if you don’t learn anything and attempt to make the necessary adjustments in the process.
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CVal Reply:
January 16th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
*SMH* I simply end whatever relationship that begins to involve more than just the two of us…
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so i haven’t read everyone’s responses to this, but i can totally understand the frustration of dealing with “the girls”.
yes, i used to be the one that used to roll with mad girls (esp in college). from that experience alone, i know when getting advice from them goes terribly wrong AND when it goes really well. when it went wrong, it’s usually because my girls didn’t understand the full story, and was going on pure rumor/gossip. when it went well, my girls let me know when a dude was doing some shady ish on the low and i didn’t know.
nowadays though, i run with less chicks, and it seems like there is less drama. not because i think my girls cause drama (or attract it) but because i didn’t have a flurry of opinions flying around to judge/guide my actions. yes, every now and then i seek the advice of my girlfriends, but i def keep it to a select few… and now that i’m more mature, i only act on what I feel is right (even if it goes against what my friends say). i def believe if i tried to follow the advice of ALL my girls, i would def go crazy.
so yeah, i love my girls, but i am def better at managing how much i share/ask about my life.
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Gawlee! I know would be a great girlfriend if only I had the chance! I wouldn’t do any of this argumentative stuff because in general I hate to argue with anybody. Although I haven’t officially had a man yet *ahem* I know that some of my single girlfriends are the worst people to go to for advice. They usually give me dating advice from an emotionally-baggaged and bittered perspective. They make me feel angry and defensive before I even have a reason to. They may have cost me at least one good guy since I officially started dating about 7 months ago at 23 years of age (LOL). Which is why I have been expanding my advice sources and trusting my own intuition more. First of all, I think it is best to sit down with your guy and COMMUNICATE the problems that you may have with his actions. Do it in a way that is not argumentative, but constructive criticism. Also analyze yourself first and ask him if there are problems he may have with your actions. Make guidelines for this talk. Take turns. While one person is speaking, the other LISTENS for real instead of just constantly thinking about a counter-argument. LISTEN. Learn to put yourself in HIS PERSPECTIVE. Allow him to put himself in your shoes. Learn to Compromise. Learn to seperate emotions from logic. Healthy Relationships are all about how well and honestly people communicate. I know I sound like some kind of relationship guide or something. I have only had SO MUCH time to do my research while I have been single.
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seattle… the video… really? LMAO!!!!
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