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Nah Girl, Its Not that Deep.
**Ya girl had a really rough Sunday, to say the least. Bear with me. Do enjoy!**
Pause.
Women have been known to ruminate over the little things, often to our detriment. We read into the actions of men as though we trying to break down the intricacies of Shakespearian poetry. We want to know why he does this, or doesn’t do that. What did he mean by this; there has to be more, right? Here’s a scenario:
Friend 1: Girl, he hasn’t responded to my text message. All I said was “Hey, what’s up hun?” What does this mean?
Friend 2: How long ago did you send it? Maybe you scared him when you said “hun”. Forget him.
Friend 1: Yeah, word. ::sadness ensues::
Ladies, we have all been on both sides of some variation of this conversation. And men, you have probably been the subject thereof. Here you have a woman trying to understand why homeboy hasn’t responded to her text with lightning speed. Maybe he’s busy at work. Maybe he is using the restroom. Maybe he’s in the middle of something. Or maybe he doesn’t want to talk right now.
What about when you meet a dude at…let’s say, the bookstore. You are both browsing in the same section. He speaks, offers some commentary on the book you just picked up. You get a little flustered and start wondering: OMG, how do I look? Is he checking me out? Is he going to ask for my number? And then, the unthinkable happens. He smiles, and walks away.
How about the man that has reached out to you because you two are in a mutual network (work, school, gym, etc.)? He offers some advice, offers you the chance to communicate further via email, phone, or in person. Maybe he even adds you on Facebook or MySpace. And what happens? We ask ourselves a million questions about this man and his actions.
This is how we often create undue stress for ourselves, and in our relationships with the opposite sex, sometimes even before any real intimacy happens (no, not just boot-knocking intimacy). Here are some ways to try to circumvent this.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Stop while you are ahead. Don’t over think. And don’t try to guess what you “think” might be in between the lines. There is a small chance the man meant exactly what he said.
Play it cool.
I’m pretty sure men can tell when a woman is being thirsty (overly anxious). This, as my co-bloggers have pointed out, is not what’s up. It just makes you look as lame as lamer than you are.
Don’t assume.
Yeah, you think you’re fly, and you very well may be. But that doesn’t mean he wants you like that. ::gasp:: He could just be a nice guy that knows how to engage in interesting conversation…and doesn’t want anything else from you.
Think logically and objectively.
I know, I know. This is hard for us. We are emotionally driven creatures. But try it. When you get that vague, yet impactful text, take a step back and pause. Avoid thinking about how you feel immediately and read the situation as it is presented to you. If this yields an outcome that is not to you’re liking, that’s ok. Call your girls, vent and move on. You’ll be better for it.
Ladies, what are some things you have done to check yourself. When have you taken something too far or too seriously? Fellas, any words of advice for us? When has a woman OD’d on you (pause)? Talk about it!
Sowhatiff – I’m deep. Pause – Jenkins
29 Responses to “Nah Girl, Its Not that Deep.”
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This post was soo good! I would like to add that by overthinking a situation, we stress ourselves thee he!! out. I’ve done it many, many times and have now resigned to playing the ignorance is bliss role. I go by a man’s verbal. If he ain’t said it, I’m not thinking it.
I’ve heard that men are simple creatures, so I’m expecting them to hold up to that.
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Think objectively.
This is one of the most underrated forms of intelligence. Too often we rely on an individuals ability to state facts as a way to measure their intelligence. However, someone ability to judge a situation fairly with no bias, to look at issues like gay marriage, abortion, the debate of the n-word, religion, or who is better Jay or Nas (the Roc fell on Friday) and come to a logical conclusion is one wise SOB. I know that was off topic, I just wanted to shout out those who don’t catch feelings and think lives through.
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Good read, Tiff. I know I’ve def had to “check myself” a few times! LOL. I can be an overthinker. I’m pretty good at thinking objectively, but logic on the other hand….LMAO.
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Cool topic
yeah if he don’t text you back RIGHT AWAY he may be busy, or caught up or whatever
but come on, this is the digital age. There is no reason he can’t hit you back at a reasonable time. If he never hits you back or hits you back a day later…..HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
and you can read into that
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Peysonic Lodge #69 Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 10:07 am
or asleep. I am known to fall asleep in the middle of texting.
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TRUE Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 10:13 am
BULLSPIT lol
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I have been known to text something that makes no sense bc I am sleeping and I don’t want him to think I am ignoring him. LOL
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oh..and im guilty
Dudes that I wasn’t interested in like that would text me…and when I wouldn’t respond, they would hit me with the “whats wrong, you dont like me”
then I would say “nah..its not like that..i’m chillin/busy”
But truthfully, I know im not into them…so..yeah…
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i must say i really agree with you on this one especially the play it cool. i don’t know how many times i’ve been interested in a woman and she starts acting really thirsty. complete turnoff. if i just met you last week, there is no way you should be calling/texting me 8 times a day. damn.
also the don’t assume is on point. just because i might have a conversation with you doesn’t mean i want to fuck, doesn’t mean i want your number. maybe i just wanted a conversation at that time. oh and you just MIGHT not be THAT fly. lol.
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TRUE Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 10:16 am
i truly agree w this
This reminds me of a story
my cousin (thick redbone) is used to people staring and hitting on her.
We were out this girl who likes girls was looking our way, my cousin was like “girl she all in our face”
the girl walks over and says “Hi”
My cousin says “hey” the girl says “oh hi..but um..you aight but Im tryin to holla at HER” (meaning me)
lol
Also,
A guy can find you attractive without wanting to hit. I have learned that. Its not that you repulse him, he could be involved, seeing someone else, married, or know you used to mess w his boy.
And conversation does not = I like her, want to wife her and live with her the rest of my life
I can have a convo w a dude and not b the least bit interested in taking it further, and I know guys can do the same
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I think dudes are guilty of this but it works a bit differently. dudes always think that they can hit just b/c the girl is remotely nice to them. I know i’ve done it
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TRUE Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 10:17 am
peyso,
most girls think a guy wants to hit just cause the dude says “HI” lol
giving him mad attitude and what not..
YOU AT A BAR A SOCIAL SCENE, BE SOCIAL .lol
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 10:21 am
“dudes always think that they can hit just b/c the girl is remotely nice to them. I know i’ve done it”
HELLS yes. A woman can’t even give a man a nice hello and a smile some (READ: MOST) of the time.
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Remi Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:16 am
LOL. So true. I have been caught off guard so many times with that b/c I’m usually friendly. I’ve been told that I lead men on b/c I am really “flirtatious.” LOL. So if you say “hello” and tell me I look nice and I respond by smiling and saying “thank you”, then I’m flirting???
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Peysonic Lodge #69 Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Yes when you consider that most women will either cuss you or run away when you do that
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Great post!
My addition:
…and stop Googling men when you first meet them. That only begets your need to do more prying later on. AND it’s slick stalkerish. STOPPIT!
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Some people need to step their conversation game up. The major problem is that most people have nothing interesting to say. Your life bores me. Please don’t call me. I don’t want to spend hours on the line talking to you. Wasteing my minutes listening to you talk about your hair or what you ate today.
I don’t call my boys once a day and they are interesting, why would I call you? If I didn’t HAVE to call to get the buns, I WOULD NEVER CALL. So once I have the buns, I’m not calling.
The very idea of connecting through the phone sounds dumb
“I just want to hear your voice”
Well than Record the damn thing and leave me ALONE
I think of all the BS phone conversations I have been a part of or have had to listen to half of the conversation. You people are giving yourselves a Brain Tumor relaying the most useless information known to man. Talking to ourselves expressing your dumb ignorant thoughts is only making the other person listening to you more dumb.
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Peysonic Lodge #69 Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 11:06 am
realest.thing.i.ever.read
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Anger Management Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
OMG, L.M.A.O.
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ashbunnie Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Lol. Harsh but true. They don’t want to hear about how you seen this girl on the train look a damn fool norrrr do they want to give opinions on what you should way to work tomorrow via phone.
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Cheekz…that is the funniest thing I’ve ever read.
And i totally agree.
I HATEEEEE talking on the phone with people who ALWAYS want to talk about the same random ish that is of zero significance to me whatsoever. I sleep and then wake up just to say, “uh huh” and pretend like I was listening. Useless!!!!
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CHeeKZ MONEY Reply:
June 15th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
see my snoring reunions this for me.
I wake up to the sound of shawty’s cursing my out or that verizon lady letting me know it’s time to hang up.
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Good post.
If we women thought like men, we’d better for it. Not saying we should be philandering whores. But if we made ourselves unavailable some times, we’d be able to set the standard. Or if we just turn our phone off without warning or explanation, we’d breathe a little more. We’re so used to sending the first message and checking our phone every 3 minutes looking for a response. Live a little. When he does decide to answer you back, take YOUR time and respond. Soon he’ll be thirst to know wtf is up.
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i think the key is for women to stop being desperate
Stop NEEDING a man’s attention
Stop NEEDING him to feel loved, validated and important
If you text him, he dont hit you back..OH WELL..screw him. DO YOU
have your own life that doesn’t revolved around having a “man”
especially if he isn’t showing you that you are important
I see no reason to call a man just to hear breathing on the phone
call and make plans
Call him about something direct
I remember dudes would call me while they in the studio, not say nothing, then 5 minutes later say “imma call you back”
WTF..You LAME calling me for nothing or just to let me know you in the studio
It can go both ways fellas lol
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The just play it cool is so necessary! I’ definitely I’m telling you that we definitely run when chicks get thirsty. Whether we want to beat or wife, stalkerish clingy behavior makes us go => way.
On another note you can play it cool, but if a dude is feelin you don be too hollywood. Scorpio ninjas like myself will chuck the deuces bec we dont want to feel like a sucka for expressing feelings
Its 2009 the digital age. Texts wont always get returned. Ditto email and IMs. Just roll with the flow and dust off the shoulders!
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“On another note you can play it cool, but if a dude is feelin you don be too hollywood.”
Dido it’s all well and good to give the other party breathing space especially when you are just getting to know the person. However some ladies get too Hollywood when a nice guy is interested and is willing to be more open and honest with your lady flyness.
This makes an unassuming gentleman think twice about expressing himself to her and other ladies of style & grace. Most men don’t want to be expressive to women because they are afraid that it is out of character for them to show their feelings and bring to light desires and other wants. If a woman goes all red carpet and flashing cameras on him, it’s like “ See this is why I don’t put myself out there. This is why I deal with women the way I do”.
Then later on this same debutant will meet a dude who just doesn’t care, who will never really be the kind of guy she wants to be with. The moral of the story
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“On another note you can play it cool, but if a dude is feelin you don be too hollywood.”
Dido it’s all well and good to give the other party breathing space especially when you are just getting to know the person. However some ladies get too Hollywood when a nice guy is interested and is willing to be more open and honest with your lady flyness.
This makes an unassuming gentleman think twice about expressing himself to her and other ladies of style & grace. Most men don’t want to be expressive to women because they are afraid that it is out of character for them to show their feelings and bring to light desires and other wants. If a woman goes all red carpet and flashing cameras on him, it’s like “ See this is why I don’t put myself out there. This is why I deal with women the way I do”.
Then later on this same debutant will meet a dude who just doesn’t care, who will never really be the kind of guy she wants to be with. The moral of the story
” Play it cool”.
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Is it just me or is it normal behavior to return a phone call or a text message? Obviously, you don’t have to do it right away, but if you completely ignore it-that’s a problem.
It means the person isn’t into you, or thinks you have nothing worthwhile to talk about. And if that’s how they view you, then it’s time to move on.
Now, back to the topic at hand-playing it cool. People don’t play it cool, because they’re insecure about their relationship. This usually happens at the beginning of a new relationship, at the end of relationship, during a change in the relationship, or at the friend/relationship transition.
If you’ve been with someone for a while, or it’s clear that they’re into you- you won’t need to play it cool. If they don’t call you right away, you’ll know it’s because they’re busy doing x-y-z.
What causes people to not “play it cool” is insecurity about where the “relationship” is going. People don’t want to invest their time and energy into someone if it’s not reciprocated.
But the bottom line to this long post is if it’s not being reciprocated, move on.
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