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Nah Shorty, I’m Good
Men are hunters. We live for the chase and sometimes we like that more than the actual prize. Sometimes. But as I’ve come to find out, some a lot most women aren’t prey. They’re hunters as well. Except their game is different. If men are out there with spears, running after their object of affection, women are more like fishers. They throw out bait and patiently, or sometimes impatiently, wait for men to bite. Unlike real fishermen, women have a higher likelihood of catching the big fish. Or a bunch of sardines. Whatever they’re into. Since they’re so used to catching everything and anything, what happens those few times when the kingfish just doesn’t want what they’re throwing out?
Sometimes us dudes just don’t want to take the bait. My boy G.O.D. said it best, we’re too old to be amazed at the thought of just getting some. Everyone in the crew has been in a situation where a drink date, a late night text or just a flat out sexual offer was tossed into the air and we’ve graciously stepped aside to watch it land on the ground like the garter at a wedding. It was for various reasons – we had a girl at the time, we don’t like you or we just don’t want to. Yes it happens. Sometimes Mary Jane was a better playmate, perhaps we just needed to get up early to take care of our on-going mistress – work, or in certain circumstances we’re just took a break from interacting with the fairer sex. Like that dude from 40 Days and 40 Nights.
I’m currently running a similar course where I just need to get my own life straightened out. So I turn down dates, offers, etc. while Slim and my other cohorts look on and laugh heartily. I chuckle too. I have to, or else I’d get angry at myself. Anyway, I find it amusing that women come out the blue when you’re not trying to do anything. It’s like they’re responding to a disturbance in the force. What’s funnier than all that are the reactions I get from the women whom I’ve turned down.
Anger
The sheer idea of hearing “no” can turn that nice, soft spoken beauty into a wolverine in heat. All of a sudden she is roaring at the fact that you won’t go out and she’s questioning your manhood. And there’s nothing like laughter to fuel the fire.
Persistence
Women say dudes don’t get the hint. I say you guys have the same problem. If we didn’t respond to the “bored at home alone” away message, the IM asking us what we’re up to and the innuendo ridden Facebook message or wall post, what makes you think that we still want to chill? Personally I admire your determination, but maybe you should direct it elsewhere. Speaking of that, have you met my boy…
Sad Eyes
All of a sudden their eyes look up at you glazed over, their face droops and that sexy young lady that’s standing in front of you has turned into a baby seal. The coyness and sweet demeanor may get a few unsuspecting dudes to drop their guards, but I ain’t that guy. I will club a baby seal.
There are plenty more reactions, but all of my experiences have shown me that women despise and really can’t comprehend when dudes don’t take the bait. No one likes rejection, but geezus. I’m just happy that as a dude I’ve accumulated enough tough skin to let it go. But hey, do the fellas do you have any stories to share? And ladies, would you like to defend your fellow frustrated fisherwomen?
Seattle – Can My Piece Have Some Peace - Washington
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Dead @ you clubbing a baby seal.
I won’t defend my persistent sistas… When someone says no or is not taking the bait, leave them alone. Move on to something else.
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Cant think of anything to rhyme with Peyso Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 11:09 am
You wouldnt get a no from me….
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Thank you Peyso… U sure know how to make a girl feel like a million bucks on a Tuesday.
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Cant think of anything to rhyme with Peyso Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
A tuesday, a monday, a thursday. it dont matter lol jk. You’re very welcome lol
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@ club a baby seal. smh.
I’m with Nicki. I’m not defending women who won’t take a hint. Persistence walks a thin line with desperation in my mind. The women you speak of have to cast their nets in smaller ponds. I don’t fish but I imagine well thought strategy and timing can work. If not, throw that sucka back in the water and K.I.M.
Plus, I know how annoying it is when I have tried to drop the hint to a persistent dude. Yeah the attention can be flattering, but then it starts to get a little sad.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 9:58 am
“Persistence walks a thin line with desperation in my mind.”
AMEN! If someone is interested, they’ll take u up on your offer when u first put it out there.
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Cant think of anything to rhyme with Peyso Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 11:09 am
You either…..
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
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I imagine it’s b/c all you ever hear is that men will f*&! anything esp after a couple drinks. We always see some not so attractive girl going home with a very attractive guy at the club…so to speak the standards tend to be pretty low for men.
Therefore, when you reject a girl it’s like MAJOR self esteem blow. Yes, I realize guys go through this all the time but ladies don’t…if you’re decent looking anyway. So, I guess I can understand why a girl would get angry (fight or flight mechanism), persistent (denial), or sad eyes (flight in the fight or flight).
I know I’ve said it before but I adopted the He’s Just Not That Into you mantra several years back. So, I don’t know much about rejection cuz I don’t ask guys out like that. I think of the three reactions you named I’d likely give the sad eyes and retreat hoping to erase that from my memory, lol.
Nice post, Seattle!
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Thanks Steph. You’re right, no one likes to be rejected and dudes are used to doing being turned down. It’s part of the job description.
Is it that much of a blow to the ego if a dude respectfully turns down a request from a chick?
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I think the measure of the blow depends on the self esteem of the chick, and on what level she is trying to holla…
If she just wants to be a JO, or needs and EDG, she can get that from elsewhere (see Steph’s comment) but if she is really feeling you and (depending on the messages you have been sending her thus far) you pull the “nah, i’m good” then that could be hurtful.
If she’s good with hers, she’ll move on either way.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@ measure of the blow…pause.
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Steph Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Well it completely depends on the situation. Like Tiff says if it’s a JO situation, girl already probably has limited self esteem (generaliztion, I’m sorry), and therefore will probably be extremely offended.
However, if it were me and I put my “not that into you” crap aside and asked a guy out and he respectfully declined. I think I’d just accept it and try to forget about it or not let it get me down.
It’d be nice if he had a good reason too like “I’m really busy with work right now,” or “I’m sort of dating someone,” or some other logical reason that isn’t too offensive.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
yeah i third what Steph and Tiff already mentioned. it’s not necessarily WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. yes, women are not really used to getting shut down, either because we are not the ones hollerin’ and/or we are too fly to say no to. so when a girl decides to take initiative and make that booty (or cuddle) call, thats a pretty big deal. and if the dude is mean about it, that can cause the reactions you mentioned in your post. if the dude respectfully declines, then it doesn’t hurt as much.
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Sometimes we don’t wanna fill yall full of sausage for your own good. We know how vitamin D can warp some women’s brains and lead them to think more about the situation than is actually there. Resisting your sexual hints can save us a trip to court down the road…which is far more in savings than any Geico deal.
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Steph Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 10:30 am
By all means, do not fill every women that bat’s her eyelashes at you full of vitamin D! You’re right it probably will avoid a lot of unnecessary drama.
Maybe someday women will get more accustomed to being rejected and learning it’s not the end of the world.
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Chocolate Vixen Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I agree, you can’t get let shorty get used to the beef. Women are creatures of habit, if you coming through all the time, they will get used to it. Then when you all of the sudden stop, its going to be a serious problem. As bad as it may sound, just let her know you showing up when you can. She is either with it or she’s not. If its just sex she’ll be with it.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
“I agree, you can’t get let shorty get used to the beef. Women are creatures of habit, if you coming through all the time, they will get used to it. Then when you all of the sudden stop, its going to be a serious problem.”
Word. I think we are creatures of habit on some level. Just be up front from jump, or let it be known when things change, and people can adapt and move on if need be.
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FYI- I got yesterday’s post in my inbox this morning instead of the current post…that made me very upset b4 I got my coffee fix.
I have a male friend who is having the same problem that you are discussing…I feel sad 4 the girl. He let her know he only wants to be her friend but she continues to call him & text him constantly and invite him out- he took this as, ok, she’s over it. But in fact she is not…(if he reads this he’s gonna kill me but whatever) she constantly writes short stories and poems about him and e-mails them to him.
I mean the story makes me sniggle, but damn…ladies not every man wants you like that.
If I caught any one of my girls doing that dumb shit, I’d disown her.
Whew I feel better I got my 3Ways fix………
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Yeah. I think dudes need to let some chics get the once over by their female friends before he serves up the beef. There are generally warning signs for stuff like what she is into. Poor thing. Him and her.
I think I just got a new post idea…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Do ladies think they can really wear a dude down?
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
I think in the case w my friend..Yes! This chick thinks He’s playing hard to get and that he’s shy…
He also mentioned that she is used to getting whoever she wants and that she is attractive..but he don’t want her…..
So like Steph & Tiff had mentioned..A lot of this desperation is directly related to self esteem.
Perhaps all her life..this chick has gotten -ve attention from males…and with my friend its “different” and platonic….and to her thats a shock and “bait”????
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Reign Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
From a friend of mine, she thinks that if she stays around continuing to communicate and show different sides of herself then maybe he’ll see something that will make him stay or give it another shot. I keep telling her that just being his friend only could go a long way as well. Maybe later in the future he’ll change his mind, but he’s definitely not now since you’re bugging his tass.
Why would you even want to be with someone who doesn’t want you? Seems like a waste of time to me… could be missing your real blessing.
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
yeah a post on psycho chicks would be appropriate =)
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I just say “No”. No excuses, no nothing. I dont wanna smash, thats it. Fine dont answer my call when Im tryin to smash, I really dont care that much. Yes, 9 out of 10, i am sex driven machine, but I am also a responsible adult and I be having shiznic to do, so leave me alone. You turn down the pumpington all the time, but God forbid i turn it down once. Get the hell over yourself chick. That’s my rant and I’m done for now.
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Persistence is a good thing…if you’re trying to get a degree or something. When it comes to the dating pond, it can cross a fine line right into desperation. And desperation and dating is what brown shoes is to black pants. Unfortunate as hell.
Also, stop clubbing baby seals, Seattle! Don’t they have some kind of foundation to be saved? Or are whales taking all the money
and hippies?Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Sometimes the population gets too large and you need to club em. It’s actually for their own good. So I’ve read…
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No definitely means no. I just dont agree with women chasing dudes by no means. Its absolutely unacceptable. Okay great we got equal wages these days…(it only took over a 100 years) ladies be ladies and enjoy the process of courtship.
Its natural order ladies FALL BACK with serving your goods on a platter; its not a good color on you
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Girl, we still get paid less on the dollar.
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yeah… i wrote a blog about the “i need a man” syndrome affecting the ladies which touches on some of this.
but i agree… some of we women are getting quite “thirsty” and there’s nothing that seems to turn people (both men and women) on more then someone who’s unavailable. i’ve never quite been hit on as much as i was when i was rocking my wedding rings… bananas…
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I’m honestly the shy type and would not approach a guy that hasn’t shown some kind of interest in me in general. I make friends first and then he needs to take the initiate, when we’re good in our situation, then I let the beast out.
It’s good that women are becoming more persistent but common sense should come with that too. Chicks are more and more desperate for a man nowadays. Glad to know there are still dudes out there that can say no, and just be.
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Steph Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Amen to making friends first…I’m the exact same way.
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Cheekie Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Co-sign on the much safer “make friends first” deal. If he’s truly interested, it’ll get to the dating stage before it’s too late and hits that “like a sibling to me” stage.
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That’s why the man should be the hunter and the fisherman.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Really? Are you not big on women actively pursuing?
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Lol at Can My Piece Have Some Peace. Some chicks are just overly confident and just can’t take it when the truth is in their face. Perfect example, big ass girl wearing skinny jeans and tight ass t-shirt walking around thinking she is all o dat and then some. Talking about “hot girls coming through!” Ummm yeahh ok then they wanna get all salty when homie tells em we don’t like big boned girls. SMH.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
“Some chicks are just overly confident and just can’t take it when the truth is in their face.”
Interesting. I used to call my piece “The Truth”.
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Cheekie Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
“Interesting. I used to call my piece “The Truth”.”
Oh…
*slaps Slim’s
asshand*Baaaaad boy!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Sorry. Sometimes I just can’t help myself but to OD.
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I think the impact of the blow of rejection depends on what the woman wants from you, as someone has already said. I think the rejection stings a bit more when she’s really feeling you versus if she just wanted to bang one out witcha. On the other hand, though, if your “bang” is outstanding, surely she would be a little crestfallen at not having the opportunity to get a lil taste. I don’t solicit men, but I have stepped up and shown interest when I felt the need. I cannot remember being denied anyone’s pipe, so I can’t be certain of my reaction. I’d like to believe I’m the, “What did you say?” (for clarification; to make sure the phone connection is stable and I’m not hearing things), then I’d probably follow that up with, “Aiight then…” (with a slight bit of saltiness sprinkled up in there). Why? Again, nobody likes rejection. Sad faced baby seal that needs to be viciously clubbed? lmao, but Nah. Women have been taught that most men will bang up anything “in a skirt”, “with two legs”, “with a hole”, “breathing”, “with a pulse”, etc. A woman, then, naturally internalizes a man’s sexual rejection and can become insecure believing there must be something wrong with her.
GOOD topic!
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I only had to post because I have a poster of a baby seal in my office, looking ohhhh so sad and it has a quote under it that says “Save Us” HAHAHAHA
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Cheekie Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
See, told ya, Seattle!
InsomniaPoet, those sad baby seals looking at Seattle for clubbing them.
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InsomnaPoet Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
i know, i wish i could send yall the pic, its classic and super sad
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Thank you sir for this one..
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As I’ve grown older I’ve learned to be more selective in the women that I deal with. I don’t have to sleep with/date/spend time with every woman who wants to. Part of that has to do with the fact that I don’t have enough time in the day for that anymore. Discretion is the key, imo.
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hahaha…poor baby seals.
Here’s my question tho — as a woman, it’s pretty easy to turn down sexual offers. It feeds our ego…we feel desirable, and we can pretty much move thru life harnessing the power of pus…whenever we feel. You were great at explaining the reasons that men turn down sex …but I want to know if its an exhilarating feeling to turn down a female? Or do you pretty much feel agony and remorse every time u respectfully decline?
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 13th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Don’t feel sorry for them! It’s either them or us!
But to answer your question, at first it’s cool because you’re taking control of the situation. After awhile I just laugh about it all and it doesn’t matter as much. It’s more comical than anything else. Every once and awhile I do feel a little regret, maybe she could’ve been the next Ms. Washington. Or at least the prototype. But then again if I felt that kind of connection, I wouldn’t have turned her down.
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