Following In Your Parents’ Footsteps
Seattle’s Note: While we here at Three Ways love the candor and honesty of all our commentors, we just ask that you remember there are folks from all types of backgrounds visiting the site. It’s all fun and games until someone decides play time is over. With that said, let’s get on with the show…
Dude, are you sure this is the right way?
It’s a universal thing to be compared to your parent(s) from childhood all way to adulthood. I know I have. From the time I was an infant crawling around with an afro to now when I wander around the streets with my Caesar and beard, it’s pretty evident that I am my father’s son. I’ve looked like him at the various stages of my life and our mannerisms, expressions, and even voice patterns are eerily similar. My genes, the parenting, and the environment molded me into a version of my father whether I liked it or not. And it’s the same for many other children as well. What’s even weirder is how these similarities come into fruition once you leave the nest.
A few days ago, I went on a lunch time stroll with a friend of mine so he could tell me about the problems he’s currently having with his marriage. In a nutshell, he’s moved into his own apartment, doesn’t rock the wedding ring and is deciding whether to completely move on and file for divorce. After an hour long lunch conversation, he said that he may end up OK in the end because his father did something similar and he’s better off. My friend’s dad divorced his mom when he was a child, married someone else and was a lot happier as a result. With my friend having a young child himself and taking the steps he already has, the scenario is a couple steps away from being a complete version of deja vu. Which made me think – since we’re so much like our parents, are we predisposed to make the same mistakes?
There are a lot of studies that show that children often end up imitating their parents and their actions, both positive and negative. Kids that grow up in a household where the parents received a higher education often go to college and more often that not continue to pursue a graduate level degree. In the same respect, kids that grow up around a family member that’s abusive towards the other parent or them usually end up being abusive to their loved ones. Facts say the same thing about alcoholism, drug use, and infidelity. A close friend of mine told me ever so bluntly that “sliding off” runs in the family. If one of your parents cheated on the other, you may be end up doing the same to your significant others.
Why? Well, we’re creatures of habit. We tend to replicate what we see, especially what we grow up around and deem as normal behavior. Little Brother summarized it best, “…Cuz every man remembers how his daddy and his uncles did it. Because more than likely, that’s the way they gonna do it.” It’s not just for the fellas either, hence why women who’ve grown up in a single parent household have a very independent “I can do it without a man” attitude. I respect this; however, there are certain things we shouldn’t continue to replicate regardless of their so-called success.
My father realized this after he grew up without a dad. As a result, he made sure he stuck around for me regardless of how tough things got between him and my mom. That gives me a little hope regarding whether we can actually stop the mistakes of our parents and prevent them from seeping into our own relationships and actions. But with the divorce rates continuing to rise and me seeing the beginnings of failed marriages as well as other repetitive mistakes with my own eyes, I’d have to say that stopping the cycle may happen as often as a lunar eclipse. I just hope I can take heed to my father’s advice and be better than him by taking his mistakes and making sure they don’t happen again. Even if it is on select few occasions.
What do you think? Are you destined to follow in the footsteps of your parents? Or are you motivated to make sure you don’t fall into the same pitfalls as your folks?
Seattle – The Apple Fell a Little Further Away Than You Think – Washington
46 Responses to “Following In Your Parents’ Footsteps”
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This is an excellent post and I’ll say this…
“Show me the mother (or father) and I’ll show you the child”**
That one phrase can mean a myriad of things when it comes to kids and how we relate to and react to life’s challenges…
For example, I am kind and warm…the total opposite of my mom because I can see what her cold poker face has gotten her…
I am also responsible because my dad is reckless…now I highlighted bad things but there are good qualities from each parent. I think we have to all step back and really examine the things that have gone on in our lives and with our parents.
But we also have to realize some things are generational spirits …and those cycles have to be broken. Don’t be that single mom or baby daddy or settle for a high school education just because the ‘rents did.
Dream..Believe…and move forward…
And leave your parents the hell @ home…
**Army Wives.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Yes its very much a spirit thing, a friend told me about month or so ago, things are passed on from the moment a child is conceived.
Like you said J, things passed on are not always bad, like my Dad is a very cool, compassionate, intelligent, animal loving guy, and I got all those things from him but he is also a recovering alcoholic PRAISE GOD, so that sort of addictive thing is something I have to actively watch form never been too much a drink to get plastered type drinker because of that……I have to beware of addictions, which is a very conscious effort on my part.
Now my mom as sweet, smart, thoughtful, intelligent as she can be, can also be very difficult sometimes, control issues etc…so I have to be aware of those things as well,
I have tended to go in the opposite direction.
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I have a few characteristic similarities with my parents. They were great parents (seeing as to how I’ve turned out) but I have learned some things by observing them that I will be sure to change with my own relationship and kids.
I think some people use their parents as a crutch. My dad/ mama did this, so I am destined to do this…. for instance, I hear people say that a lot relating to alcoholism.
I don’t think you can blame your parents for everything. Past a certain age, you become accountable for yourself. You either take their experiences as a learning lesson and try to do better OR you commit yourself to being just like that.
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Jaci Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Nick,
Exactly…I don’t think you should use well they did it…so I should too…as a crutch because parents are not infallible or perfect.
My mom has always said this…She’s like well I’m human-I make mistakes. That’s something I like…at least she can admit it!
Crap! Let me get in this shower!
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ASmith Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 9:09 am
I don’t think you can blame your parents for everything. Past a certain age, you become accountable for yourself. You either take their experiences as a learning lesson and try to do better OR you commit yourself to being just like that.
Co-sign.
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I think I am destined to follow in my parents footsteps…I already know that I’ve taken some of the same steps that they have.
I definitely have their work ethic and stubbornness. I have the same educational values that they do but I also know not to take everything they’ve shown me with me on my adult journey. Because of when/how my father was raised and what he saw and experienced growing up (he saw his father beaten and killed for his land) he had a deep seated hatred for “certain” people. I know that, although racism exists, I can’t live my looking looking at folk out the corner of my eye and blame folk for everything.
I do hope though that I will be the woman my mother is and love the way my father did us.
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ildolceamore Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
“I do hope though that I will be the woman my mother is and love the way my father did us.”
That’s really the essence of what I hope to take from my parents too.
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Seattle, you make a great point about women who grow up in single-parent, female-headed households. We learn what independence is all about and never have a co-dependent, healthy relationship modeled for us so that when we get older we know what to do. Couple our ignorance with our independence and you got trouble.
However, sometime around young adulthood, you have to take responsibility for self and have to see the ways in which you need to be different from what was modeled for you and the same. “I cheat ’cause my daddy cheats” is a cop out just like “I don’t trust men because all my uncles cheat” is a cop out.
TrixCop outs are for kids.Parents want us to have and be better than they had and were, and on some levels it’s up to us to discern all of that.
I don’t want to discount individuals who grow up in horrid situations and are scarred as a result, but that’s not the same as seeing your parents do wrong things and accepting that as the only way to do things when you have to know there are people out there who don’t do it that way.
Nature vs. Nurture is an old debate… yet always so fresh.
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My mother was a single parent for some time; I’m determined not to be. If I get married, then divorced then I’ll make due, but I’m not about having children out of wedlock. She was raised in a two parent home where my grandparents weren’t very affectionate; I was raised the total opposite with tons of “i love yous” and we made it an conscious effort to express our affection, even now. I do want to be that type of parent. I am alike my mother in many ways, and like my stepdad so much that my mom swears I must be his child, LOL. Neither of them graduated college, so I’ve already surpassed them with a couple degrees. I am also an only child, and I would like to have a lot more than one! So in essence the only similarities I have to my mom are physical and a few personality traits. I do think some people hold on to the bad examples of their family life as a crutch. I am not one of those people.
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We all are our own people.
I spent the majority of my life trying not to be like my father even though I could see some of his qualities in how he dealt with relationships with women.
I turned out ok (despite the blog history).
We all have our choices. We can rebel and go completely left of our examples, or we can take the good and stray from the paths from time to time to become our own people.
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I am a perfect blend of both parents personality-wise. I take most of their good attributes. Of course there are some bad ones thrown in too. And I look just like both of them. Overall, I still am uniquely me.
Growing up, and even now, I observed my parents and how they live their life. Some aspects I agree on. Others, not so much. As a child I couldn’t say anything about it (without getting in trouble). As an adult I freely point out what I think is wrong and how they could improve (even though they just ignore me).
Even though your parents play a big influence in your life, you don’t have to be destined to follow their footsteps. Change comes from within. You can definitely reinvent the wheel. It’s just like Jaci said, the cycle has to be broken for generational spirits.
My dad’s father walked out on his mother (and six kids) when he was 10. Two of his brothers followed in their father’s footsteps, but my dad has worked to be the best one possible. My mom’s mom was over protective. My mom realized how she didn’t like it and definitely tried to not be as uptight with me.
One chain I definitely plan on breaking is marrying a pastor like my mother (and her mother and her grandmother). Absolutely not because I can’t be bothered! That indeed is a generational spirit that will be broken lol.
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i love my dad because he is my dad but i aspire to be nothing like him. i’m already the total opposite of him physically. he is only 5’7″-5’8″ and i’m nearly a foot taller than him. my dad is not a bad person but i think that he had a lot of bad breaks in life and so far i’ve made a conscious effort to not get tripped up by the same circumstances.
i do not want to grow up in the type of household that i was raised in either. not that i have quarrels with my childhood, i just want better for my future children.
as far as education my dad graduated from college with a degree in accounting and my mom dropped out after she started having children. so in a sense i’ve already surpassed both my parents in that case.
i’m making an effort to ensure that my future household will be nothing like the one i was raised in. i’m grateful for it though because it allowed me to realize what i don’t want for me and mine.
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Excellent Post S Dubya!
Kids are very impressionable. I picked up all my dads bad habits (nail biting etc) when I was around him. What’s funny is I didn’t knwo about all his hardships until I was much older. For all the demons that plagued him and bad breaks, he created an aura of a “teflon pops” to give me a goal to exceed. I wanted to do things he never did. He wanted me to surpass him too and instilled that in me.
Once I discovered his other issues, I was determined to never go down those paths and to be better for families sake. Funny thing is we were on the same page. Once I looked back on his life, I realized that his plan worked in an uncanny way.
My mom and I have similar philosophies when it comes to certain issues, but she can be *ahem* irrational lol, and I recognize that and TRY not to be the same. Mom laid down the law, and I was but a mere citizen. I definitely adopt that and carry that on in life!
**Gunshots**
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I grew up in a home with a single mother struggling and I’ve always wanted to be sure that wasn’t going to be me. Well, I’m a single mother but I’m not struggling. I learned a lot of lessons watching my mom growing up on what not to do. From money to men to fashion lol. But me and my mom are so different that it’s actually not that hard. My father is also nothing like me, he’s like a ghetto pimp, hair pressed in shirly temples or corn rows. Yea, that’s my dad. At times I feel like I was adopted or something.
And ladies don’t you hate when men say if you want to know what your girl will be like in the future look at her mom. Hell no. I hate that.
But these experiences are all valuable and lessons that we should take into our own relationships to develop more healthy and well-rounded families. Wanting more for yourself than what your parents had is not a bad thing, if they love ya then they understand and will be motivating you. Mine do.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Sometimes that true though. I dated a young lady once and wondered what the hell was wrong with her sometimes. Then I watched how her mom treated her and her father and it all clicked. Homegirl tried not to be like that, but it was already ingrained in her personality.
Not to mention, 8 times out of 10 you’ll end up looking like your moms when you’re older. I always look at a young lady’s mom to see where she’ll end up in a few years. I’ve seen some great futures and I’ve had some bad visions…
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Interesting jawn. Though I’m probably in a better spot in my life at this point than my pops was at this age, I still have a lot of the same tendencies, habits, etc. Many of these things I told myself I’d never do, but ultimately did anyway. Yep, def thought I’d fall further away from the tree than this.
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I’m VERY close with my mama and I believe the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. Now, that’s not to say that I’ll end up in the exact same life she is currently living, but I can tell that our “lifestyles” are the same.
When I say lifestyles, I mean how we live our lives, not necessarily the life itself. I am VERY independent because of Mama. She left home at the age of 17 (after getting preggers with my older sis) and was pretty much on her own ever since. I always admire her strength when it comes to relationships in particular:
She up and left my sister’s father when he got into drugs without looking back and then met my father…married him (and subsequently having the cheeky baby now commenting here!!). He developed alcoholism and they divorced. I always admired her willpower to just leave a man she’d been in a serious relationship with. It’s not to say that she wasn’t hurt and didn’t care, but she dealt with that pain without stringing the man along. And of course, they’d be the ones always calling her since she dropped them so abruptly. She STILL has one ex constantly calling her after he left him for being unfaithful. She was never really the chaser. lol
I definitely get my strength and determination from her. I stayed with her for about a year after college and saved up to buy a condo at the age of 24. She always pushed the idea of “buying” instead of “renting” in my head and I saw nothing but that goal until I got it (it was a TOUGH road, lemme tell ya). Same with college. I was having NONE of graduating in 5 years, I did it in the standard 4 (something she was never able to accomplish was finish college but best believe she pushed me to do better!). And even though I have youngest child syndrome (I’m a little spoiled rotten and ask my mama for things), as a whole, I try my best to get things done myself without anyone’s help.
I can’t even believe the amount of things she has accomplished over the years. My daddy left her the house when they divorced and she has been able to maintain that house ever since (even at the threat of losing it several times). My childhood home is still there and I’m so proud of her.
Even though I’m probably more sensitive than my mama in terms of emotions, I have a feeling that strength she has will carry over to me in more ways than one and that’s the type of footsteps I’m willing to follow because the lady is just that damn dope.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Growing up with your Momma, do you think you’d be willing to easily bounce from your significant other if he started to act up?
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Cheekie Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I’m not completely sure. Like I said, I’m more emotional than she is (she’s a bit stoic..and has only started to really show her emotions and soften up with age…my sis says she is a different mama with me than she was with her…) so I’d probably cry it out a bit more than she would, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I had that in me as well. I’d probably be hurt over it internally, but able to take the necessary action due to watching her. I know ninjas got it tough with me because of what my mama would NOT take. And that was mess. She wouldn’t stand nor sit for it. I watched that and learned from it.
And yeah, she was able to leave guys with the quickness. I mean, it’s not like she turned into a robot to get over him. She was affected. She still talks about her recent ex a lot, it’s just that she’s not burning up his phone like he is doing to her or accepting his pleas to take him back. I think it’s her ability to do so that makes them chase her more. Because she’s not crawling all over them and begging for it. And it certainly gains her respect.
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Reecie Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Like you, I learned independence because of growing up with a strong mother. I try to do most things on my own. I remember being a little girl watching my mom clean out the gutters and cut the grass thinking, I aint never doing this when I get grown. LOL. She was also a young homeowner (I’m not, but thats ok). I always helped with the yard work and anything else around the house when it was just the two of us. I thought my mom was superwoman, it was an interesting transition when my stepdad came in the picture…
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ASmith Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
How was that transition? My mom dated a guy for a while when I was very young (like 3 or 4) and I was probably 15 when I realized that had been what was going on (he got married not too long after they broke up).
As I got older, I wondered what it would be like if my mom re-married. I already have an undercover issue with authority and I could just see some dude walking in trying to tell me what to do and me going off (and honestly, I’m not normally like that, but I have a thing for misplaced authority, even it’s only misplaced because I perceive it as such).
During a recent visit home, I overheard my mom telling a friend (basically) she had purposefully put her dating life on hold while I was growing up, but now it seems like she’s done that for so long that she’s not sure of how to navigate her way out of it. It’s been interesting to watch and weigh how it affects the way I date.
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Reecie Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
I did have a hard time accepting his authority. LOL. But he is lots of fun, and I was still young so we meshed well. He is in many ways still like a big kid, so I’m excited to give him grandbabies (aw, right?). I recently had a conversation about step parents. He never physically disciplined me–I think I was too old for spankings anyway, but even when he talks stern I have to try hard not to laugh. its just not his personality. He mostly left that to mom. LOL
as far as her doing things around the house, I think she was HAPPY to delegate responsibilities. Our lifestyle increased with him around: more vacations and whatnot…
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Cheekie Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
“I thought my mom was superwoman, it was an interesting transition when my stepdad came in the picture…”
I’d like to know that transition as well. The recent ex of my mom’s I talk about above was almost my stepdad. They met when I was in high school (I didn’t like him nor how he influenced my ma at the time, but eventually warmed up to him. I realized the influence was only due to the early dating giddy stage) and almost got married until he screwed everything up.
I’m not sure how my different my Mom would be had she married him. I’ve never seen my Mom married, technically (I was a baby when she and my dad divorced).
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PYTJD Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
My mother got married when I was in undergrad..she had been dating the guy since i was about 6 or 7…but she never really incorporated him into our life because apparently he wasn’t really trying to commit..I hate my mom married..ok maybe hate is the wrong word..but from being a single mother independent fist swinging to cooking dinner cow towing (ok that’s maybe that’s just my slant)..I was like WTF mom. I think though it may be that my only child self doesn’t like to share no matter how old I am now..that and I don’t think any man is really good enough for my mother. I also always wonder how i’m going to be in relationships/marriage..there is something about seeing my mother compromise certain parts of her personality for my step father that has me on red alert..*shrugs*..only time will tell.
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Cheekie Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Honestly other than incorporating some of his bad habits, the main thing I hated about my mama’s ex when she started dating him was that there were chitlins (EW!!) being served at Thanksgiving which was unheard of pre-ex. She don’t eat no swine. Almost ruined the holiday for me. Almost. lol
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Intriguing post, Mr. Washington.
I think professionally & academically, I am the carbon copy of my father. Striving to advance as high as I can with no regard to my personal life. He excelled professionally but came home night after night to an empty bed. I don’t want that for my future.
I do hope I turn out to be more like my mother in that regard. She had a fairly successful career, maintained a great marriage (arrests & arson aside), and reared amazing children (raises hand). Other than her looks & Latina temperament, though, we remain dissimilar.
I think I’m more like my father than I care to admit.
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Good post. My mom had a birthday this past weekend and her brothers kept saying how much I acted like my pops. I’m like my mom in that I can be really elitist. I dont know why I’m elitist being that I’m from the projects. I also have her slow temper. I do alot of stuff in the same way she does it probably b/c she taught me how (i.e. cook and clean). I’m like my dad in that I can command a convo and build a repore. We also sound eerily similar. My lil brother on the other hand has all of the opposite traits of me which seem to be the other traits that my parents have. He’s defensive like my mom and has my dad’s short fuse. I guess its the luck of the draw
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Peyso Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I also saw what my parents accomplished but I dont wanna get em as late as they did. My dad graduated college the same day I graduated high school and my moved out the projects my soph yr of high school
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I’m one of those folks who are motivated to not follow in the same footsteps as my parents. It’s crazy with broken homes and even w/in the same family you can either go one way or the other.
In my family I’m considered the one on the “straight and narrow” but I can’t say the same for one of my sisters.
I def inherited positive attributes from both my parents and I am proud to say so, like my mom’s loyalty/dedication and my dad’s thirst for life..but besides that and my physical features..we are different people.
I def want a cohesive family unit when I decide to start my own.
As for ppl emulating their parents habits such as infidelity and relationship factors…hey we’re sponges as children..in fact from the time we are in the womb we absorb our parents energies..but it’s up to you to dictate your future..i mean we all are capable of using that thing called willpower right?
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I’m scarily similar to my mother: I look like her; I talk like her; and I even make the same facial expressions, the same sounds as her. I take pride in this. My mom is pretty friggin awesome, so I pray everyday that I can be half the woman she is. And as I slowly grow into the woman that she, so steadfastly, trained me to be, I become more appreciative of the genes, the parenting, and of the environment within which she saw fit to raise me.
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ASmith Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I actually think I’m almost the complete opposite of my mom physically, but I find myself acting more and more like her (even some of her absent-minded ways which irks myself). I remember when I used to say to her, in anger, that I didn’t want to be anything like her when I grew up. (Lord bless ignorant and rude-ass teenagers) but now that I’m a bit older, I’m so appreciative for the good ways I am like her and I do hope to be half of the woman she is.
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Starbucks, so far you are the Albert Pujols with entries you can’t miss man!
I’d have to say that in most areas, I have fallen in the footsteps of my parents such as education, making wise decisions with regards to calculated risks and being aware of the personal finances.
But I realized because of my father’s negative traits it has made me who I am today which is the complete opposite. My father has been known to be short tempered with certain areas rather than calmly sorting through situations. (I can’t front I have my brief moments). Those of you who know me can admit I joke around waaayy too much.
I learned one thing from my father was no matter how much you support your child financial, being a visible support system and a tangible source of encouragement makes a world of difference in a child’s life. The lack of participation from pop dukes & sometimes mom (she did her best to make it to events) when it came to sporting events, plays and musical recitals will absolutely fuel me into being more engaged with my future kids extracurricular activities. I wouldn’t be ashamed to admit to possibly being the parent in the front row with the video camera whispering madddd loud ‘SMILE’ or at the basketball/football/baseball game screaming that’s ‘MY SON’ or ‘MY DAUGHTER’!!
I think by nature we grasp on to the regular traits of our parents but the negative traits that might have affected us growing up can definitely alter our mindsets and force those footsteps to go in the opposite direction of our parents.
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I am definitely a carbon copy of my parents…the good and the bad. But i am thankful for my parents. My friends tell me all the time about how lucky i am because they didn’t have the same model that i was blessed to have, and they see how it has affected their lives.
I’ve seen how my parents marriage is and in a way I think that it did kind of mess me up. Not so much in the way that i don’t know how to handle myself in a relationship, but as far as my expectations. My dad treats my mom like a queen and bends over backwards to make sure that she is happy, and vice versa. They still go on dates, they are affectionate, and they are still…*cough* active (for lack of a better word) after 25 years of marriage. My dad tells me that i should get a man like him or better…so that’s what i expect…sometimes i wonder if my expectations are also a hinderance since they are set so high….idk
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ASmith Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I think what’s disappointing is that we live in a culture that might tell you your expectations are too high.
I remember a huge fight my ex and I had (as we were breaking up for the umpteenth time) and he said to me “good luck finding what you’re looking for…” I decided then that as long as I what I expected had less to do with they physical and more to do with the character, then I’d be ok being alone if I couldn’t find what I was looking for.
http://blackdiamond2008.blogspot.com/2009/04/flows-like-water.html
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BlueFlame Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
It is disappointing. A lot of guys i have dated told me that i was intimidating and that i wanted too much…at the time i didn’t think it was too much bc it was what i saw…since i kept getting the SAME response i started wondering if my expectations were too high…and i would much rather settle with being alone than settling for someone that didn’t fulfill everything that i was looking for/needed. (And i don’t think that i am being unreasonable in what it is i need/want/expect…imo)
Maybe the fact that they thought i was expecting too much was a product of them growing up in a different environment from me…(ie…their parents were no longer together or one parent was not in the picture…) Which i guess brings us right back to the above topic posed by Seattle….(lovin ur blog by the way!)
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Yeah when you grow up in a household where one person is continuously compromising, you start to think that’s the norm. That could very well be the situation.
Either way, good looks! We love having you!
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People are products of their environments. So growing up around your parents, you’re destined to either become just like them because you agree with certain habits, or become the exact opposite because you see where they went wrong.
My parents are a reflection of a generation and culture that is distinctly different from the one I’ve grown up in. My mom was a British model in the 70s and my dad played bass guitar, but my mother raised me to be very conservative while my dad never wanted my brother and I to get in to music.
Sometimes you become a reflection of who your parents were before they signed their lives away to child support. I think that’s the most interesting dilemma to have to work through as a family, when you become a mirror image of your mother when she was 25, and her 50 year old personality has no idea how to cope.
I keep that in mind for when I have children. I try not to give my parents a hard time, try to go home more often, call more often, and video conference more often because I hope that when my kids are 22 they’ll reflect this side of me.
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Oh, I forgot to add. Seattle, was that disclaimer up top directed at my e-boo?
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
LOL. Nah, he’s an award-winning recklessly raw commenter. I couldn’t ever contain such greatness.
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Cheekie Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
lol. Good. (I think) haha
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I for one refuse to follow in my mothers footsteps, maybe to the detriment of my own happiness, but I’m just a little extreme sometimes.
My mother is a great woman. Anyone who has ever met her will tell you, she will give you the shirt off her back. BUT her same kindness is her weakness. I refused to be unappreciated, mistreated, and disregarded by no one [i.e. no man].
As for my father… you get older and things about your parents come to light. With that said I no longer want to be like, marry, or have a son [just] like him.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Very honest perspective. So you don’t wanna be like or be with someone who is like either of them?
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Berriblk Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
It came off rather harsh, but I’m trying to take the good and leave the bad of them both.
I want my mother’s kindness, but won’t put up with nearly a quarter of the crap she takes from others. She is an amazing woman and she has taught me about unconditional love, but everyone must have boundaries.
My father was always there for our family… physically and monetarily, but not emotionally. So, that is good, but definitely NOT enough and I realize now that I’m older and see clearer than when I was a child, No, I don’t want to marry a man exactly like that. He is a strong man and commands respect from everyone around him, but I feel he confuses respect with fear as he learned from his own father when it comes to loved ones.
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Learning to love and appreciate Mom-n-Dad has made me much more accepting of different kinds of people.
My parents are direct polar opposites, but have important commonalities. I happen to be just like them and nothing like them. My father is a very quiet, stern, serious, introverted individual. He watches and studies everything before he makes a comment. My mother is a very outgoing, playful and loud person. She often puts her foot in her mouth.
They both happen to be the oldest of large families and subsequently are natural but reluctant leaders. They also are very committed and disciplined (cops) blue-collar people who enjoy the routine of uniforms, leagues (bowling) and rituals.
I often wonder how they created someone like me.
I find it interesting that as their youngest, I have always wanted to excel and stand out. I hate monotony and doing something over and over will make me want to never do it again. I love the white-collar rat race of Corporate America, which my parents hate and don’t understand.
Still, there was a time that after taking a Myers Briggs test, I came out on the cusp of extrovert/introvert. The facilitator had to take a vote on who I was as a person and the group was pretty split. I have had people tell me that I’m crazy and loud while others have lamented that I am too quiet. I ended up working in HR which I think are just corporate police. And I admit that while I overthink most decisions, I am the person who will agree to do anything… right now!
When I was growing up, I wanted to be nothing like my mom and pop, but I have gained a lot of my personality and perspective from my parents. Because they are so distinct, I have also learned that most times, there is no such thing as good or bad… its just different, which is often how I have to end up describing myself.
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