Pay to Play
- All You’ll Get From Me Are Some Nuts
In the past, we’ve discussed a woman’s penchant to receive financial attention from random guys, dudes they’re dating and/or guys they’re “talking” to. I too love to spoil the woman I’m with, but I definitely have some apprehension about giving a young lady who I’m not with my hard earned money A woman I don’t know well won’t even get a peek a my wallet. But as I came to find out from a close friend, I may be the last of a dying breed.
Lately, I’ve been hearing about all these dudes who will pay chicks rent, bills, car notes, grocery bills, etc. all to get their foot in the door. What kind of new activity is this? I can sort of understand buying some worthwhile young lady that you just met drinks at a bar. If it’s going somewhere, keep the party going. As long as it’s not a weekly habit. But doling out cash for some woman’s expenses when she’s not wifey, the mother of your kids or, at the very least, the mistress? C’mon men, what’s going on?
This seems to be a giant violation of a Man Law – Thou Shalt Not Pay for Some Play. While the normal gentlemanly things are excused, i.e. paying for a date, just making it rain on non-hoes seems outlandish to me. When I brought up my grievances, my background was brought into discussion. Mainly, me being a New York City cat. I don’t know one stand up cat from NYC who gladly pays out cash to a woman he’s not with or sleeping with without a court order or some written or verbal agreement of silence. As Jay Z once said, “All she gets is hard d— and bubble gum.”
Whatever happened to G? No, not whatever Lil Wayne is talking about in that commercial, I’m talking about real G. Game so tight that all you had to do is walk in and things just happened. As a certified Cocksman, I’m deplored at the use of cash, and credit, to get women. What happened to the hunt? The sport of it all? Furthermore, what happened to letting a woman know you had money without having to show her you had money. And doesn’t all this just take away from wifey status? Lastly, what man pays for not getting laid?!
Well, I’m hoping some of you out there can shed the light on this. Did I miss the memo, is this just a small group of cats who have no game or is this a widespread phenomenon?
Seattle – The Only Washington You’ll See Is Right Here – Washington
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If it’s a widespread phenomena, Seattle, then I am also ignorant of it.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable with having a man peel on me that I’m not with because everything comes with a price.
As for the man I’m with, I really don’t need to be spoiled monetarily either. Don’t get me wrong, when we are going out, I love that he’s paying- it makes me feel secure. But I don’t expect a man who does not live with me to be putting in on any of my household bills.
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Where have you heard about this, Seattle? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of guys doin this.
I”m with Nicki – I def wouldn’t be comfortable with a guy trying to pay my rent and bills. It’s different if you’ve been dating for awhile and he helps ya out when you’re in a crisis or something but in the “talking” or “dating” phase…no way!!
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Seattle, don’t worry, you aren’t the only one that’s not paying “Bills, Bills, Bills”.
I’ve had that question come up a few times. The latest was by a younger woman that had just told me that every time her pay check comes, a whole bunch of stuff comes up.
She then taps me and says, “as my boyfriend, I would think that you would want to help me out with these things”.
There were two issues with that, 1) I wasn’t her boyfriend and 2) she had just told me that she had a separate savings account for her multiple vacations she would take during the year.
I told her that if she had issues that would keep food away from her children’s mouth, or have them in the dark, yes I would help out, but if she wants me to give her money just because, she get “nathan but sanitation”.
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I take it a step further than Hov…I tell alls I got for you ma is hard d*ck and sugar free bubble gum, cuz ain’t sh*t sweet over here…
You already hit the nail on the kid…it’s a simple case of substituting money for game, because after all, money does talk. But it’s the difference btw sending a chick and her friends a drink or having them send you a drink.
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where are these guys?? i haven’t met one dude yet who is willing to pay off some of my expenses. all i’ve gotten so far is free drinks and meals here and there…. geez, i need to step up MY game
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but really, i’m not looking for a man that can “buy” me (read: pay my bills, buy expensive gifts)… that’s almost like prostitution! my girls Brick & Lace said it best, “Keep your money, I got it too, you just don’t get it. Show me your A game, you better come with it.” don’t get me wrong, though, i def don’t mind when dudes buy me gifts for my birthday or holidays, but otherwise, these gifts shouldn’t compensate for a dude’s BS or wackness.
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I know these guys. Miss V, I got you the next time you’re in town. Some guys know that some girls like to have their bills paid. Ironically… the girls who get their bills paid the most, are the ones who’ll never ask and put up resistance.
I’m guilty of doing the nails, hair, wax, and outfit thing. I’ll buy shorty shoes. I have paid a cell phone bill. It was out of freaking control and I wanted to talk to her. However, rent, car, and car insurance, that’s sugar daddy status and no bueno.
Truth be told, some people just have disposable income. It really didn’t don on me until one day a girl I was dating said, “How can you go to the club, pop bottles and spend 1500, but you say you care about me, and I can’t 250?”
Hmm… piss away 1500 or buy some six inch stilettos that will last??? Toss up.
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I always knew of this phenom but never been one to trick etc
I’m not for sale or rent..you cannot buy my affections darling.
The most vicious thorough dudes don’t rely on the wallet, there are lots of caked up lames dear LMFAO.
Now theres nothing wrong with a man looking out for and providing for his lady..thats what a man does!
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Where these dudes at?…J/K?
But then you gotta look at it like this, prostitution has been around for years…YEARS! And I dont see the difference..sorry just dont…Why is this a surprise? I have yet to come across this breed of man..and if I do he usually looks like shabba ranks…and mi nah give up my si’in to no buttu..translation..shabba ranks + bills paid+ me= hell no!
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 10:06 am
LMAO
i miss shabba ranks, but not like that lol
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Anna Nimous Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Girl….back in the day me and my girls would say that ish real loud if we saw a truly fugly dude – Shabba!!
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RightCoastLexSteele, Her Milkshake Brings the Boys to Divorce Court Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 11:02 am
But he’s a bedroom bully!
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Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 11:51 am
lol yeah, i only appreciate his music, not his looks.
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Yeah, I’ve never gotten any of my bills paid by a man. I’ve gotten some random money here and there, and a free meal or two but that’s it. As someone said earlier, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a man paying all my bills. Nobody’s signing my rent check but me.
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Oh this is funny – maybe it’s where we come from, but I’m with the other ladies….where are these trickin’ dudes at? LOL! Seriously,tho – I (and most of us ladies) work too hard to be comfortable having a man trick like that on us.
First off, it makes me nervous. I know that the man who wants to spend a lot of dough is only making deposits on what he REALLY wants. And I’m not giving it up for cash if there’s no connection. No need for refunds or angry customers at my window.
Second, I like to think of myself as *not* a chickenhead, and having a dude pay for your essentials sounds like clucking to me. Again, this goes back to education and hard work – I’m not doing it for nothing. All of us ladies know at least one chick like this, and we secretly (or blatantly) don’t like her. She’s a user, and users use their friends as well, especially if they can’t find a man to trick. Been there, done that.
In my book, $$ should be spent by a dude to:
1) Initiate a courtship – dranks at the bar, dates and sh*t.
2) Rescue your girl (or soon to be girl) – put on your red cape, Captain. But make sure the cape isn’t part of your everyday clothing.
3) Gifts – Spoil your girl rotten if you can. She’ll appreciate it and reciprocate in some way. If not, she’s a selfish hoe and you should run.
You know your chick is pecking for your dough if….
– she knows EXACTLY when you get paid
– her hair and nails are always done…but her bills are never paid
– she probes you early on to find out your earning potential
– talk of anyone who might stand in the way of her getting your $$ (your kids, mom, ex, etc) gives her the gas face
– Her name is Karin Steffans
– She drops hints about what other guys used to do for her
– You find out some of these guys are still doing for her
– She lives a fabulous life with a high school diploma
– Her general conversation centers around how much things cost
That’s all I have for now.
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First off, PayDays are nasty. Who makes candy bars just made of nuts? That’s an ADDITION to chocolate, it can’t stand alone! Sorry, just had to express my lifelong hatred of those crap bars.
Um, yeah, so I’m not sure this is so widespread because I have no idea about this phenom. Maybe I
just don’t got it like thatalways attract penny-pinchin’ ninjas?Hmm, makes me think of one possible scenario: what if guys are doing this because of the 90-day probation period women are up on nowadays? What if they’re trying to bypass the probation period by making it rain (in all matters of speaking)?
Anyhow, the P-Power club does not condone men paying for bills as a necessity. It’s a nice gesture and definitely gives you man-up points, but I don’t want a guy thinking need him to do it, either. Like he’s my savior or something.
Though, I am cracking up at this chick at my job who is always bragging about how many men she got slobbin’ over her, but then in the same breath is always complainin’ how she don’t got any money to pay her rent/bills. Um, don’t brag about nothing you don’t have to show for. lol
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Hoes have been around longer than Jesus… but I’m not a believer in either of them Suckas.
If you have to spend money to keep a woman around that means you don’t have any game. She is not interested in you. You’re probably some nerd who got some boring desk job and tries to use his success to make up for the many years he spend in High School in College not getting any playing World of WarCraft.
Congrads on your come up, but we all know you Samuel Powers idiots need to leave Miss Kaposki to these ninjas that actually have a chance to ‘Lark on my Go-Kart.’ (hiphopreference)
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I did encounter such a man once. I don’t feel comfortable with a man spending big money on me like that. Even when we’re dating. Of course dates, occaisionally hair and nails but no rent, electric etc..
I’m pretty slef sufficient. And like Nicki said it’s only a matter of time before he’s tryna get my treats
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Sure some men spend money on the ladies to get in their pants, but I think in those cases the terms of agreement are made clear.
In the case of what you’re talking about, Seattle, I think a man initially comes out of pocket to show that if you stick with him, he can take care of you. Growing up my dad taught me to always pay for myself so my date never flips the script and becomes a bill collector, no cash, credit or checks accepted. After coming to college I met a good number of dudes who won’t hesitate handing me a twenty or buying me some heels from the mall just because. But they all eventually wanted a relationship they just had too much pride to express their feelings with words so they did it with money. Unfortunately I have a lust for words over nice things so those prospects never went anywhere.
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.” [Aristotle Onassis] As much as men want to say, “I’d never pay no trick’s bills!” or “If she wants me to come out of pocket, that’s not the only place I’ll be coming from…” one of two reasons will eventually make you open your wallet: you’ll find the woman who’s worth it or you’ll become so rich that money ain’t a thing. Wocka, wocka, wocka, you’ll end up paying at some point in your life for a laundry list of reasons.
I see well off dudes giving money to my girls all the time, sure he expects that maybe he’ll get a date or some QT, but it rarely happens and I’ve seen every dude take a L. Chicks are smart enough to take your money and keep their goodies before you even get to spend time with them alone. I went to New Orleans for spring break and my friends who go to Xavier are friends with some players from the N.O. Saints. While hanging out one night by the pool, one of my girls said, “Bubba Gump is feeling your style, you should go talk to him…” Now, I want you to think of the most unattractive man you’ve ever seen, punch him in the face a few times, take another look: that’s what this man looked like. She continued to say that he dates the baddest of chicks in New Orleans and my face started looking confused, homie has so much bread he’s been know to make tuition payments, car payments, fund shopping sprees, and that’s why the ladies love him. He made it very clear that we didn’t have to have sex, he just liked my company and wanted to chill. It was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard, but within the circle of athletes, apparently it’s common. I fear karma too much to accept cash and pretty presents under false pretenses, but if I wasn’t such a soft ass I’d get on the game I’ve seen my female classmates run, they seem to be making out well.
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MaPockets Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 11:34 am
I hear that Southern Belle LOL. I do have female friends who are like “yeah, that ***** keeps my rent paid, or pays my cell phone bill…” On one hand I’m like “where can I find a guy like that!” and then on the other hand I’m thinking “please tell me you’re putting your own personal income into a CD or something??”
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
See that’s the thing my dear, he’s using purchases to show that he can take care of you. He’s compensating communication and, lack of a better term, game with money to win you over. And that’s where I draw the line.
To your other point of me having to pay eventually, I don’t look at it as having to pay when it comes to the woman I love. Just like a job isn’t a job when you love what you do. I take pleasure in taking care of my woman.
::That sound is all the women on this site’s panties dropping::
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Exactly A man providing for a woman he loves is not the same as buying some trick say some gucci kicks to smash, or accumulate points in order to smash…. totally diff scenarios and sounds like somebody’s justification for trickin LMAO…..hey to each his own tho
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Cheekie Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
“To your other point of me having to pay eventually, I don’t look at it as having to pay when it comes to the woman I love. Just like a job isn’t a job when you love what you do. I take pleasure in taking care of my woman.”
@ Seattle: Dayummmm.
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Southern Belle Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Most men can’t communicate and I have to put up with that mess for free, so this would be a great deal. Every man has to compensate for whatever he lacks, and yes, all men lack something.
Like I said, you’ll come out of pocket easily when you either get ridiculously rich or you meet the love of your life. Nothing but the best wishes in both respects, Mr. Washington. But until then, keep your hand tightly on your wallet, the tricks will be fine without having you rain on them.
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ivylane99 Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
WOWWWWW…….you write like you got game fo real…lol!!!
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I’ve heard about these guys but have never met nor dated one. Not gonna lie – the idea of it all sounds pretty darn convenient. We’re in a recession! Buuuuuuuut…I do love being an “independent woman.”
I have a very awkward inability to accept gifts and other “tokens” of love/appreciation. I even hate it when people sing “Happy Birthday” to me. I’d probably have a very hard time accepting money from a man to pay my bills. HOWEVER…I don’t think it’s a pride issue…I’ve just never done it before and am not used to it. I just don’t think I could ever grow to expect it from man.
I’ve heard of some chicks threatening to break up with their boos because “he didn’t buy me that Juicy Couture jumpsuit I saw the other day,” or because “he didn’t send me flowers this month,” or “he told me I should stop getting my nails done so that I could save some money, when HE should be paying for it ANYWAY.” I’ve heard this tomfoolery and resisted the urge to suckapunch a heffa in her nose ring.
But I DO I think a man that is willing to spend his hard-earned (read: hard-earned, as in he has a real-world job and makes honest, clean money) on me to show me that he can take care of me (not to keep me around) is a keeper!! Just haven’t met him yet LOL
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First: She IS giving up the cookies, the brain, the hand, the feet (lmao), the “promise of”, SOMETHING… If he’s telling you he’s paying and she’s NOT giving it up, he’s lying; he just wants to APPEAR like he’s (for lack of a better word) “all that”. If SHE’s telling you he’s paying and she’s NOT giving it up, she’s lying, too. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are situations where men pay and don’t get anything but their hopes up, but even that doesn’t last too long.
Second: Ain’t sh*t free… (“sh*t” = time spent, “cooch”, being around me and breathing my air, etc.) lol
Third: As my dad would say, “An even swap is no swindle…” That, to me, is self-explanatory. If both parties are well aware of the nature of their relationship (you pay me, I lace you OR you pay me, I’ll be your arm candy) then what harm is that?
Don’t hate her because she’s not scared to put a price tag on what others give away for free. Don’t hate him ’cause he’s willing to pay for what he wants. Certain men don’t mind spending frivolously on a chick. Some men value themselves by what they can “trick off”. Some women value themselves by what they can get a man to spend.
I don’t think this occurance is new at all… There’s just very little shame involved in it anymore.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
another old school saying “fair exchange ain’t no robbery” LOL
but ummmmmmm when it comes dealing with the opposite sex, the only value for me is in LOVE, things done out of love for love with Love etc etc…
to place value in things that hold no real value is beyond foolish……..
for a womn to try and put a price tag on her sex is selling herself short and her soul to Lucifer.
To the dude overcompensating, because of low self esteem etc you cannot buy accceptence or love dear heart, its given freely, your only buying an illusion……
….and even with the costs that are in fact associated to everything, even love, it ain’t never ever bout ca$h!
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Urban legend. Ladies, if you meet a guy that’s willing to pay for all that and isn’t dating you on some serious tip….he’s not a man. He’s a boy trying to buy your love or trying to over compensate for something he’s hiding. He’ll kill you in his sleep. He’ll be so over protective its crazy. He’s a ghost. Furthermore, it is a violation of the penal code of Man Law. So serious an offense that he may not be accepted back into the general population of men. Just my thoughts….
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it aint trickin if you got it… is the biggest myth out today! Trickin is trickin, no matter how you slice it! Unless shorty is your GIRLFRIEND, all this bill payment is ridiculous. Reminds me of that song
“I’ll wash YOUR car…. I’ll pay YOUR rent!” lololoL!
Seriously, I have no problem helping wifey out with $$. Thats what a SO is for, the good and bad. When you become a human ATM for anyone, then you have to reevaluate the relationship. Theres a difference between necessary assistance and your wifey becomming another bill.
Thats why Im on my chicken head tip for 2009. Im trying to get this credit card bill paid, some new kicks, and some body work on my car. Im not puttin out either, eff that. Straight arm candy status over here!
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Tunde Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
thats the tip (arm candy) i was trying to get on like in like 2005-2006. didn’t work out too well. women are worst than men in expecting you to put out. lol.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Women are the absolute worst about expecting a dude to put out when they got that urge calling from the depths of their thang.lol.
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streetz Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Son tell me about it…treating me like a piece of meat… I need to stop givin it up to these chicks..lol
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Make no mistake, I will take your money. However, I won’t take you seriously. If you just spend your money on random girls, WTH do I look like making you my dude, only to suffer the consequences of your deplorable spending habits. A man that tricks freely and often for no reason is like the girl who gives it up too soon. I will gladly accept, but you are out of the running for something serious.
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This post makes me laugh…cuz I’ll never be that guy. I’m the dude that’ll move to the other side of the bar if a few chicks come in my direction looking for free drinks. As I always say, one of my main objectives in life is to not be “that guy”.
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It’s not a phenom, but here in Dallas it’s mostly thirty something black men who are desperate to get married. One man tried to do all that ish for me , but in moderation. I was like hell naw every time. At that time I was still in school with a 1 year old living at home. He mostly made me feel like a charity case. My paid internship paid what needed to be paid, I was sensible. But he had a rep and wanted to keep up my appearance. Had to drop him. Now he’s married to a white chick that makes 6 figures, she’s the one buying the expensive stuff lol.
I have too much pride to even let my SO take care of me or buy me things just because. Birthdays and Xmas are okay but I never expect anything. Oprah taught my that a long time ago… never expect anything from a man. You dissappoint yourself and the situation when you do.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
I knew ish was poppin in Dallas….#3 on the Forbes list of best US city for young singles …..lollllll
cha ching?
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Reign Reply:
May 5th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
that’s what they say. but all these young successful people are very picky and always want something better that doesn’t exist.
and there’s the perpetrators. Dallas is known for the 30 thousand dollar millionaire. people looking like they got money and tricking, and don’t have a cent. those of us who know better are usually the ones holding out for long periods to get the real deal. that’s why getting know someone is a must.
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i still can’t believe dudes are actually out here in these streets doing this type of shit. lol. it boggles my mind. in undergrad we used to say that dudes were “driving up the price of pussy”. not that i would be paying for it but i wish a woman would expect me to pay bills in order for her to be in my company. i’m not paying any woman’s bills consistently unless we have the same last name.
if a woman doesn’t want to be with based on my personality and merit then she can kick rocks. i don’t have time to be shelling out cheese for a woman who 1. i’m not fucking and 2. i have no possibility of fucking.
i hate when dudes have to broadcast how much money they make or what they can do for a woman. it makes me think that they have to rely on that and they don’t have much else going for them.
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I hustle men for a living… they know it. I don’t do anything I won’t admit upfront. Turns out men like the honesty and don’t have to deal with bitching or the stress of a ltr. Long as they understand it’s all about the money to me it’s all good.
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