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Women Can’t Have Bad Days
We’ve all heard it said that men are visual creatures. During the Dating Game segment of the Steve Harvey Morning Show a few weeks ago, Steve and David, the bachelor, were talking about David’s initial reaction to his date’s physical appearance. During the conversation, Steve and David talked about the likelihood of a man approaching a woman who was having a physical “bad day,” i.e. out in the street with her hair not done or in a head-tie or scarf, in sweats or other loose clothes, or otherwise not looking well put together. According to them, the chances were slim. The title of my post is borrowed from the conversation. Basically, women can’t look like they are having a bad day, especially a single woman hoping to attract a man.
To be clear, I’m not talking about being pretty versus ugly, or being model “bad” versus a 1.5. I’m talking about the total package; how we represent ourselves on daily basis through our clothes, hair, etc. In an ideal world, a man could look at any woman from across the room and be attracted to her personality alone. But we all know ideal isn’t real. Back to the post…
My first reaction to the comment was “Hold the hell up. What exactly is he trying to say?” As I continued to listen, I realized this was a conversation I’ve had multiple times. Going back to the whole men being visual creatures thing, I’ve heard men say that they like to see women that look good, no matter the setting or the outfit. As a professional student, comfort usually trumped looking good for me. Sweats, Uggs, hoodies, not-so-tight jeans, and other comfy clothing staples were the main components of my wardrobe. Whenever my classmates would see me outside of school, most would comment on how I should ”dress up” more often, and ask why I was hiding my body under sweats and hoodies.
**rolls eyes**
After defiantly resisting the thought of losing comfort just to be a piece of eye candy, I realized people weren’t implying that I rock pumps to class and night-time make-up before noon. So I started to reconsider my approach to my wardrobe. Comfort didn’t have to mean sloppy, and looking good didn’t have to mean uncomfortable or adopting a someone else’s style. And while I never left my house looking like who-shot-John, I saw where I could stand to make some improvements.
As of late, I have started to more pay attention to the way women dress. Some women don’t leave the house without their face done up and will put on stilettos to pick up a few things from the grocery store. Others will come out of the house in clothes that are 2 sizes too big and covered in stains. To each her own. Somewhere between these two extremes is a balance between feeling comfortable in your own skin and the clothes you wear, and caring about how others perceive you. Either way, no matter how much we want to deny it, looks matter.
I am not implying that women should dress to attract men. I’m just saying that I have started to take a dual approach to my day-to-day wardrobe: comfy and cute. For example, I haven’t worn sweatpants outside of my house in about a year. Instead, I rock tights (leggings). They are just as comfy (except in the heat of the summer), but I look and feel a little better in them.
Before y’all go off on me, I’m not saying women should stop wearing sweatpants or feeling comfortable in whatever clothes they wear in order to look good for or attract men. I guess I’m just curious to hear your thoughts. Should women dress or carry themselves a certain way in order to attract the opposite sex? Should attraction just be an added bonus? What makes a woman attractive? Can single women afford to have “bad days”? What does your “bad day” look like? How much does the physical matter? Should it? Are women also visual creatures? More so or just as much as men? Share your thoughts.
Today may be my bad day,
40 Responses to “Women Can’t Have Bad Days”
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I think we should be entitled to an “off” day. Working in corporate America many times requires us to be fully dressed up, make up and all (for us women) and men slacks, button downs, and dress shoes. Its tiring.
Personally I love seeing men in a sleeveless under armor and bball shorts, I find it super sexy, or just bbal shorts or sweats, sitting real low showing the lucious V-cut, or how I like to call them “p*nis muscles”. Now thats sexy.
Yesterday was my off day and part of today, but I was moving and unpacking sh*t, I was definitely not trying to look cute, so bed pants and muscle shirt was the standard… good thing I was ‘presentable’ when I saw my upstairs neighbor… he’s a cutie lol
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I definitely agree when you say that it is really about the way you feel about yourself. Personally on the days im feeling “off” that is when I dress up the most to give me that bit of pick me up. As a college student I do not usually rock sweats to class unless I accidentally woke up late to class and literally had to SPRINT to class lol. I do however think that it is not okay to make it a habit. Agreeing with you again on “those days” i’ll just throw on a pair of leggings and fancy earrings and call it a day lol.
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I used to have those “off” days when sweats or b-ball shorts, tshirts, converse, DCs or adidas flip flops with socks, wrapping my hair or my Mazda hat was FINE BY ME but then my friends started tearing up my ear about how I should be more feminine and stop being such a tomboy. I told them all, “Eash one, Suck one” and continues doing what I wanted (freshman year of college)
My “bad days” were soon over. Sophomore year and junior year, I started paying more attention to my body. I had a nice body. Still do. So I started wearing skinnies, tight this and that but only to the point where i was still comfortable. No heel. FOMF.
Women are definitely visual creatures. Anyone that spots personality from across any distance without hearing the individual is a fraud and I rebuke thee. I won’t sit here and tell you I spotted his personality from across the room. I’ll probably walk up to him and look him in the eyes (I’m a sucker for some sexy a$$ eyes) but I won’t speak about his personality if homie hasn’t even moved his luscious PELS. *wiggles eyebrows*
The physical? Does it matter? I guess it depends on the individual. We all have our shallow moments. After examining the physical, then I’m gonna get into your mind.
My thoughts are scattered so bear with me. It’s 3 30 eastern time. I hope everything is still clear.
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Personally, I hate chicks that wear sweatpants/frumpy clothes in public, especially when they’re out for an extended period of time. If you’re going to the gym that’s one thing or to pick up some eggs from the store. But to class?!? Ain’t no way. Personally, I just bought my first pair of sweats this past winter simply to wear to the gym. I never leave the house not looking put together. You never know when you’re gonna have the opportunity to make a first impression. I’m def not checkin for the chick who’s a size 4 wearing men’s XL sweatpants. But if I happen to run into a lowkey banger dressed like that. I hope her personality is off the chain. Cuz i’m probably not checking for her. I also hate leggings in public but I love the way it makes them cheeks look. But when i see leggings all I think is “sweaty cooch” lol
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I don’t have “off” or “bad” days. If I’m wearing sweats and tennies or dance leggings or whatever it’s because I want to and have planned to, not because I’m having an off day and I’m just putting on something to wear outside of the house.
One thing I don’t do and will never do is go outside in slippers (house shoes) and a scarf (not head wrap) looking like I’ve just rolled over and haven’t even brushed my teeth yet…my mama would have a fit and I would just feel weird and funky.
I don’t believe you have to be “done up” to leave the house…just don’t look like your breath stinks and you haven’t washed up or even sprankled (yes sprankled) some water on your tailfeather.
Oh and men, please quit it with the “wife beaters” and shorts and calling it an outfit, that’s not cute and it irritates me; like you couldn’t throw a t-shirt over that? too much effort? no clean clothes? have you even bathed? It’s just not a good all day look.
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ashbunnie Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 10:18 am
I agree with this 100%.
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I try to look presentable when I leave the house 80% of the time, BUT on those bad days I definitely get hit on. It’s funny.
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Capricorn Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 10:51 am
This is what happenes to me. ALL. THEE. TIME. When I make no effort, I get hit on. When I go all out, no one notices. *le sigh* lol
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Lola Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 11:58 am
Don’t you hate that?! It irritates me so much! Like look at me when I’m coifed, showered, wearing heels, not when I just woke up I’m taking out the trash wearing an over size shirt and bed pants… hmph!
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Capricorn Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
I can roll to WallyWorld in my old cheerleading sweat pants (I graduated in ’94) and a t shirt and I PROMISE someone will holla. I can walk out of my house in a gown, hair did, face beat, ERRYTHING on point and NOT NARY A SOUL will notice.
Why come this is?
lol!
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Lola Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 4:52 pm
Lol I feel you girl! Its like damn it, I LOOK d*mn hot!!! and you KNOW it! Holla! LMAO
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Maybe I’m just weird, but I usually can’t tell how attractive a woman really is until I see her dressed down a bit. But then again I’m pretty low maintenance
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 11:06 am
#realtalk
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Lola Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
That’s why y’all hit on me when I’m grungy looking… sheesh! lol sometimes its a little embarrassing but at the same time it’s like, oh ok, he can appreciate that I look “good” while looking bummy lol
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L.Dejean Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
#agreed! Sometimes it confuses me but I do appreciate it if they think i look good when i think i look bummy.
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Isn’t having an “off” day subjective? IMO, leggings would fall into “off day” attire. I’ve got way more junk in the trunk and I would look like I just rolled out of bed wearing legging, and a lot of other pieces of clothing. But hey, I’m not tryna pick chicks up.
I’m having a hard time believing that dressing to attract and appeal and for comfort overlap. I know it can be done but its never worked for me. Some chicks can walk out the house in oversized sweats and a shower cap and still get play (I’ve seen it! It hurts son). I, on the other hand, can spent lots of effort into my outfit du jour and not turn a head, thus getting the results of having used less effort.
Can a woman have an off day and not know it? As in, could my outfit could be real cute imo but to the average man…not so much?
I’m starting to think that even though I’ve made great strides over the years, that I’m having more off days than not.
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I agree with the post however we should fall short of determining what a “bad” day is. No one should have a “bad” day but what you may see as a “bad” day isnt necessarily going to be seen as a bad day to other people
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 10:07 am
What do you consider a “bad” day?
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 10:13 am
It’s hard to say. I’ve seen some girls who thought they were fancy who IMHO we’re having an absolutely terrible day. And girls who thought they looked like trash we’re styling on hoes
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I’ve been approached even on an off day, so I don’t really believe that women can’t or shouldn’t have them. I know a lot of women that get that holla outside of the grocery store or at the gas station wearing yoga pants, t shirt and a ponytail.
we are human, we are allowed to dress down. Even when I’m “bumming it” I still like to feel cute–I try to at least put on some lip gloss and earrings but its whatever.
yeah like Smiley Face said, I never EVER wear scarves on my head in public though, and no slippers outside of the house. Thats just because I was raised to look presentable in public, it takes no time to put on real shoes and comb your hair down or put on a hat.
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I rarely leave my house wearing sweats outside of going to rehersals but even then I still go for a cute sporty look. I have to agree with reefinyateef though you should be able to tell if a lady is attractive even if she isn’t done up. If your contemplating dating this chick wouldn’t you rather see them in the middle phase. I find majority of the guys I meet “dressed down” are more than happy when they see me dressed up. And if they ever get close enough they catch me in a head tie IN my house when I wake up in the morning.
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I grew up with a momma who believed that if you can’t leave the house looking like somebody, you have no need to leave the house! She raised us to be presentable and to carry yourself with respect, no matter where we were going. You never knew whom you were going to see. Grocery store, library, mall, school, it didn’t matter, you needed to be presentable.
Sure, I have had my share of “off” days, but I have not made it a habit. If you’re a single lady I think it’s in your best interest to be presentable at all times. Again, you never know whom your going to see. Impressions are important and nothing makes more of an impression than the way you carry yourself.
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I don’t have off days, there are just times I choose to dress down. And when I dress down, I still manage to look pretty darn good, if I say so myself.
I dress everyday for work, so when I’m not working, my hair is up, and I’m in chill mode. I think the key is dressing to make YOU feel good. So when I throw on my leggings and a Spelman or OSU shirt, I am comfy, and because I am comfy, I feel good. Add earrings, a lipgloss, and mascara (items I never leave home without), and I think I’m pretty fly. lol. And I get more legitimate play when I’m dressed down than I do when I’m out with friends dressed fresh to death. Because when I’m dressed down, men have to actually look at my face instead of down my blouse. At least, that’s been my experience.
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reefinyateef Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 11:02 am
@N.I.A. naturally, your quote says it a hell of a lot better than I can:
“I think the key is dressing to make YOU feel good. So when I throw on my leggings and a Spelman or OSU shirt, I am comfy, and because I am comfy, I feel good. Add earrings, a lipgloss, and mascara (items I never leave home without), and I think I’m pretty fly. lol. And I get more legitimate play when I’m dressed down than I do when I’m out with friends dressed fresh to death. Because when I’m dressed down, men have to actually look at my face instead of down my blouse. ”
When a woman is comfortable with herself and what she’s wearing, it shows. For some people that’s jeans and a simple shirt, for some it’s being dressed to the nines. Know your style and you’ll look your best.
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BP Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Cosign.
I dress up everyday for work as well. Playing dress up can be taxing.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
So true.
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“Should women dress or carry themselves a certain way in order to attract the opposite sex?”
If a woman is trying to attract the opposite sex, yes. Otherwise, no.
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Be true to yourself honey however you feel within reason LOL, like ALWAYS wash your ass, always be clean etc but, if you feel like chillin etc chill, if you feel like being plain that day be plain, if you feel being GLam be glam……never do things just to appease some outide imaginary mofo….
I meet more folks dressed down, but still and always cute cause its true to who I am.
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I figure as long as I feel like I look good- it’s an on day. Usually this is brought on by what i’ve tossed over my body or the fact that my hair didn’t turn into a lion’s mane that day. I do love a pair of leggings and my uggs as much as i love 5inch stilettos.
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I always said that when I leave the house I want to look somewhat presentable because you never know who you will meet. Now ill rock a wife beater and ball shorts wherever and have the 5 o’clock “I just got off the plane from Panama and still got sand in my shorts” beard, btu I do it well.
Women dont hve to be done up all the time, all im saying is stop coming out the crib like you about to shoot the fair one with the bish down the street who keep subliminally tweeting and fb statusing about you.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 3:38 pm
One word for Ms. Jenkins and that is ………..YAHTZEE!!!!!!
Finally a woman who is speaking of revelation and realization. In general, no matter who you are you should always care about just being presentable. It’s not all about the pumps and the cake layers of makeup but just looking presentable.
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I don’t know about an “off” vs. “on” day but I never leave the house looking less than presentable. Meaning, I shouldn’t be embarassed to see my boss, old college friends, HS sweetheart, or my future husband
lol.
My mother always calls herself “running to store” and calling me later talking about how she can’t believe she saw so-and-so and she looked a HAM. That would never be me. Even if I’m dressed down (leggings, tunic, etc.) its always done with neatly and with care.
Also, I saw a few comments about people having to dress up for work…I wear professional attire to work every day and I think those clothes are just as comfortable as any casual attire. Slack beat jeans for comfort IMO and I love stockings, skirts, etc…
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i think that anyone (man or woman) should care what they look like when they step outside of the house. i like have the approach that you never know who you might run into.
Should women dress or carry themselves a certain way in order to attract the opposite sex?
-i think if that’s what she is looking for then yes. appearance goes a long way. so does first impressions.
Should attraction just be an added bonus?
-no. it matters just as much as anything else. eff a bonus.
What makes a woman attractive?
-if you asked 10 different men this question and 10 different women i’m sure you would get at least 15 different answers. if you asked me first and foremost an attractive face trumps all, so if you don’t have it then you don’t have it.
How much does the physical matter? Should it?
-physical matters almost 100% when meeting someone. as you get to know a person that percentage should drop. i would say that as i get to know a woman her physical appearance would never drop past about 45-50%.
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Wait… Am I the only guy that has approached a woman on what she
and Steve Harveyconsiders a “bad day”? How about that lady in the laundry mat that was surprised you thought she was attractive with her head wrap and sweat pants? Beauty transcends what can be put on/taken off/taken down/wrapped up in a matter of minutes/hours. If ol’ girl is attractive, she’s attractive on her “bad days” not just on Friday nights after having hours to prepare… We men are “visual creatures,” but “visual” isn’t a synonym for “eyes.” We are “visual” with our minds too. #whoknewI’m not going to explain.Like Peyso said, we’ll disagree on what to consider a “bad day” because some of these women when they try to look fly, just end up looking like backwards T.I., clowns. #pseudo-drakeflow
Check the flip-side of the mentality: Does it makes sense for a woman to be less receptive to the advances of a man if she feels, appearance-wise, she’s having a “bad day”? How many of your females friends would co-sign on a statement like, “Mr. Right just approached me but I didn’t think I was looking cute today, so I told him to find me on one of my better days”? I hope that number is less than epsilon.
I thought we all want people who make us feel our best, even on our “bad days”?
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Somethin' Special Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Love. It.
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Sweats, Uggs, hoodies, not-so-tight jeans, and other comfy clothing staples were the main components of my wardrobe.
^^^sans the Uggs, thats pretty much my wardrobe but i also have professional clothing as well (that i don’t wear unless i have practicum or interviews)!
When I don’t have to dress up, i like to be comfy & i think its funny that when i’m at my most laid back, i’ve gotten quite a few comments. When I think it can depend on the man and what his tastes are but maybe i’m wrong? *shrug* But trust I will have my off days and i will continue to wear my Aeropostle sweatpants/yogapants and a big tshirt and a bandanna on my head, lol.
Good post!
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I’m surprised that this isn’t the “given”
I don’t know if anyone’s periods are as bad as mine, (sorry men) but when I’ve got my uterus cursing me out I entitle myself to a bad day…or two. However I only leave the house on those “bad days” when its ABSOLUTELY necessary.
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On another note, I think the men should be addressed too!
I almost forgot…
If women “can’t have bad days” or Men won’t “holla” if we don’t “look right” then they need to watch who the hell they’re hollering at. I’m not gonna get decent looking then pay some man who doesn’t “look right” to me any mind. If I’m not having a “bad day”, of even if I am, but took the time to “get dressed” then NO man who is having a bad day better try to come at me. get your ass dressed too!
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I know I commented before lol but after reading a few comments I also want to say that being bummy compared to dressing up comes with the confidence within like *capricon said you can dress up all you want and no one will notice or be a bum and no one can acknowledge you. So in the end what you are wearing really plays a SMALL part in whether someone will approach you or not. Besides what I may consider dressed down could be someone’s “good day” lol
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