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Pretentious Black People
You Know It's Bad When They Think You Are
Yesterday my friend and I were tired of frequenting the usual two to three spots we usually go to here in Boston, so we met some mutual friends at some restaurant/bar. Most of the time, I find myself in bars or lounges with a solid DJ, cheap drinks and little to no cover. Some of these places would be frequented by what you would call, “hipsters.” This place wasn’t that and I knew before we went the spot wasn’t my scene, but I’m a versatile guy and figured I could roll with the punches. Sure it had a pretentious atmosphere, overly expensive appetizers and drinks and was filled with “the Cheese & Crackers” crowd. Girls with pearls. Finance guys. And the like. But it was nothing new for Boston. What was unique was while the White people gave off an air of pretentiousness, it was the other Black people in there that made me feel uncomfortable.
I’m not a lawyer, in finance nor do I work for the state. I’m not an engineer either. I don’t wear a suit to work. Shoot, I only have three suits in my closet at this moment. For the record, I picked my career path so I wouldn’t have to wear one. And at every “after work mixer” or somewhat bougie Black event that I attend, it’s glaringly obvious that I don’t quite fit in with a certain part of the Black crowd. With every glance, look or snobbish side eye, these Black people make me feel even more apart than the White people do. Which is a pretty arduous task here in Boston. Listen, it’s not my fault my White collar may have a plaid design or be attached to a t-shirt, but don’t assume that I’m not supposed to be here.
Pretentious Black People if you’re reading this, I need you to understand something. Please realize that just because I don’t wear a suit, don’t have a stripped shirt that’s unbuttoned with my skin showing and don’t have a pair of hard bottomed soles on doesn’t mean I’m a danger to society. Matter of fact, if you looked hard at my Tissot watch, you’d realize that the time for those stereotypes and assumptions are over my dear friend. What’s ironic is that I probably make as much, if not more money than you now and definitely will be wealthier than you in a few years. On top of that, I get to wear what I want to work and have fun while doing it. It’s not my fault that my sense of style reaches further than Brooks Brothers and Kenneth Cole and my work allows me to show that.
Furthermore, there are plenty of other Black people out there in various professions (blue collar included) that are just as educated, if not more educated, than you and don’t have to wear a monkey suit. Pretentious Black women, please also realize that just because a brother’s in a suit doesn’t mean he has a good job. Just a heads up. Oh yeah, just because I have wear some cool kicks and a shirt that you’d see in some sneaker store doesn’t mean I don’t have a job. I do. And it’s a pretty good one all things considered. Plus my conversation is better as a result. Not tooting my horn, I’m just saying.
Trust me, I understand your like for the finer things in life Pretentious Black Person. I too like to indulge in the pomegranate juices in the morning and eat sushi at lunch. I’ve too have eaten “brunch” at various cafes in the gentrified parts of cities. I’m even stepping up my wine knowledge. Yeah. Hey, it happens. You have to enjoy life. I know I do. But look at me like I’m beneath you again and I’ll show you wants beneath these Clae sneakers. You should’ve learned this in whatever school you went to that probably isn’t as good as mine, but it’s not good to judge a book by it’s cover. I could say that you’re just a snobbish prick who only aspires for middle management and has lost touch with your roots just by only looking at where you like to hang out. But I didn’t. I waited until you acted like a dick to understand what you really are. I give you the benefit of the doubt, so please don’t do that to me or the rest of the people you see dressed like me.
Alright. That’s enough of me ranting. What do you guys think about pretentious Black people? Do you know any? Which are the worst ones? I think entertainment folks are. But, what were your experiences with them? Shoot, are you one? If so, what did you think about what I said? I’d like to hear it all. Let’s start the week off right.
Seattle – They Never Know What I Do, Like Tommy - Washington
81 Responses to “Pretentious Black People”
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LOL @ ” I too like to indulge in the pomegranate juices in the morning and eat sushi at lunch.”
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R.A.G Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 12:44 am
Pretentious ppl, whatever color they r, suck. But I have a question tho… what if they are just lookin at u side-eyed b/c they jeally that u have the confidence to show up w/out a care in the world, or w/out a need to fit in? I’ve lived in Boston as long as u have, & I’ve witnessed what u’ve described on many many occasions. While I believe pretentious white folks actually have superiority complexes, most of these “pretentious” black folks around here seem to just be insecure… which prompts me to ask, are u sure they’re judging u?
I’ve been thinking about introspection & self-representation a lot lately, & I’ve come to a couple conclusions: 1) if I’m representing myself in a way that makes me (+ my momma & God) genuinely proud of who I am, then I have nothing to prove, b/c my demeanor will speak for itself & 2) when I can ask myself, “yo, do I really give a f***?” (i.e. does x, y or z really have any bearing on my happiness or purpose in life), & am able to answer w/ a resounding “nope!” then I’ve pretty much mastered the art of introspection… Unless ppl are explicitly questioning my presence or my character, or stifling my right to my pursuit of happiness, their side-eyes are on their time & their pomp is their problem – not mines! & truthfully, who am I to assume I know what they are thinking in the 1st place…
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Toni Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:26 am
“While I believe pretentious white folks actually have superiority complexes, most of these “pretentious” black folks around here seem to just be insecure…”
Co-sign!
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
Very true homie. I usually think people are staring at me to catch a glimpse of my greatness, but this time it was obvious it wasn’t quite that.
Nonetheless, I had a beer, chilled with my friends and went to a bar that was more my style afterwards.
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R.A.G Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 12:51 am
My B, meez, that was meant to be an independent comment, sorry to thread!
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Listen…can all y’all intelligent black folk, pretentious or not, tell me where you hang out. I been in Boston too long and still can’t find a crowd of black folk that have diverse experiences. I’m running to NY and DC too often because of Boston’s scarcity of young, urban professionals. Soooo where y’all at??? Slim and Seattle, you men gotta fill me in on the social life because y’all been referencing Boston way too often. (And don’t judge my use of ya’ll…I’m a Penn Alum…and no I am not Southern…I just like the sound of y’all)
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 7:03 am
Ehh, I use y’all all the time. No need to judge based on that. Also, you’re going to have to define “diverse experiences.” As is the case with any mid major to major city, it depends what you’re into. “First Fridays” tends to be one thing for “urban professionals” to mingle and swirl expensive wine and drinks. There are often events on Thursday nights at spots like Districts Lounge. If you peruse Facebook for the Boston region, you’ll quickly find these places. I get hammered with emails about events out here all the time.
I wear a suit all week. So when the weekend comes around, I’m not trying to be slacks and shirted up. Therefore, I’m not really at these types of events unless I’m supporting the organization that’s putting it on…or I’m on my hustle.
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R.A.G Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Lol, we’re in school!!! Seriously tho, I’ve known Seattle & Slim for yrs now & I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER see them. I actually question the validity of their assessment of the Boston scene O_o.
When I do go out, I attend nightlife exec events (http://www.nightlifeexecs.com or check for’em on facebook), & the crowd following them is pretty diverse – graduate students, young professionals, white & blue collar folks alike – & w/out pomp. They also do Jazz/spoken word & comedy nights. Other than that I don’t really pick lounges or clubs at random. There are a million places to go w/ friends to eat/drink tho… do u have friends around here to explore w/? Slim & Seattle never ask me to roll (jerks)
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Yeah… My bad. I’m not a big fan of Boston night life. There’s District, Venu and the like. Which is cool, but I’m not one for big clubs and long lines where I need to “know somebody.” Last time I went to Venu, I did know someone so I skipped the line. I haven’t been back since.
I like going to Middlesex Lounge, The Good Life and The Enormous Room. Nice mixed crowd, DJs that remind me of the ones in NYC and cheap drinks with little to no cover. Next time I head out, which won’t be for awhile, I’ll let you know R.A.G. Again… my bad. :\
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Sweetness Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 10:49 pm
Hey Seattle,
About Middlesex, Good Life, and the Enormous Room what days are good to go? When are their hip hop nights? Thanks for the suggestions!!
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Sweetness Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Thanks for the info guys! Life got a bit busy since Monday and I wasn’t able to hit you guys back. Thanks for the website lead R.A.G. I will check it out. When you say you’re in school do you mean that you, Slim, and Seattle are in undergrad or grad? Nah, I don’t have a real crew to explore with…friends are in NY/DC. R.A.G are you female or male? I am a 25 y-o female so I don’t know if you’re much younger than me (going back to school reference). If not, I’d be open to meeting up for drinks…maybe I should make that coffee/tea that seems more appropriate. lol.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 10:59 pm
No worries. We know how it goes.
Nah, Slim and I aren’t in school. We’re both somewhat respectable working men. Slim more than I.
I usually will rock with Middlesex on a Sat., they also do throw back to 80s night the first Tues or Wed of the month. It’s a great look.
Good Life is cool Sat or Sun, but you should check their site to see what DJs are playing and what kinda music their spinning. It’s a mixed crowd. Could hear electronica one night and hip hop the next. It’s a bar with two floors so they’ll usually have different kinds of music on each.
Enormous Room is hit or miss, kinda just need to stop by and see what’s popping. It’s just one room on the top floor of a club filled with sofas and pillows. It’s tiny. It’s actually better if you have a group of people and just want to chill.
Holla at me on the side if you want more info about those spots – seattlexwa@gmail.com.
Hope that helped. Peace.
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R.A.G Reply:
April 7th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
Yeah, they’re gettin pay checks… I’m just gettin buried in debt! I’m in medical school here. I’m 27 & female, & now I feel like I’m writing a personal add O_o lol. I love coffee/tea tho! I also have fab gf’s I could introduce u to too, & none of us are from here so we all feel where u r coming from, trust. U can hit me on email as well @ rmknox@gmail.com.
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What kills me about pretentious black folks is the tendancy to start conversations with “what do you do?” They’ll catch your name later if your answer was interesting enough.
*side note* I find this syndrome to get worse when pretentious blacks near the age of 55.
Anyway, I live in Charleston and most of the pretenious blacks are lawyers. Who will not hesistate to rock the power bow ties and go on ultra-liberal rants on the drop of a dime. (Usually to prove how down they are.) I’m an office manager at a law firm and pretention seems to be mandated by upper management for both black and white lawyers.
Pretention aside five or six drinks usually makes all of the side eyes go away.
Forgive the rant. It’s early.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 7:08 am
“*side note* I find this syndrome to get worse when pretentious blacks near the age of 55.”
I met a man a few weeks ago who went to Cornell like 25 years ago. I was like “oh cool. an alum.” Tell me why it was 30 seconds before he was like “I own part of a professional sports team? What do you do for work?”
Dude…do you see how young I am? I can’t compete with that. I don’t even own my car yet.lol. (I will in less than a year though)
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Wu Young Agent of M.E. Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 8:01 am
I’ve had that same conversation various places. The worst is when it’s at a “chill” situation like a cookout or family reunion.
“What do you do?”
The a$$hole in me wants to respond, “I drink Budweiser at cookouts… that’s what I do.”
I get even more vexed when the question comes from a woman though. I haven’t firgured that one out yet.
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R.A.G Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
I actually can’t get toooooo too mad at that. Networking is the bomb, & to hustlers/go getters it’s addicting (& if these folks lack social skills, then they’re hella transparent, &, I guess “pretentious” unlike the majority of ppl commenting, including myself, who would prefer a different approach). To be honest, a lot of ppl in our circles these days go out to do just that – network.
I doubt it’s a game or an attempt to belittle ppl. Other folks just like to brag/hear themselves talk. I mean, I’m hella proud that I’m a black chick in medical school. I also wear my ID badge that says so on my backpack shoulder strap so that (white ppl) everybody can see it. For ppl who know me, I’m the farthest thing from pretentious – I don’t do that to belittle folks or black ppl who aren’t in medical school/medicine, but to show off (i.e. figuratively kick white ppl in they shins!!!) =)
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 8:46 am
Another set of pretentious black folks also come from #Swindle-like investment firms…I know a few who feel like its a d*ck measure contest (pause) all-time when it comes to braggin about what they do and bonuses they get…
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Shauna Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Glad to hear I’m not the only one bothered by that question. I was starting to think that maybe I was becoming anti-social or annoyed for no reason. I just hate feeling like I’m at a job interview when I really just want to relax and have a good time.
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R.A.G Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
I think ppl just don’t know what to talk about, so u get the whole “what’s your major?” which graduates into the “so, what do u do?” the OD obvious, general question about a person’s life u can ask… what makes it worse is that these mundane questions get asked a lot in venues where ppl r just tryna CHILL (lounges, bbq’s) & therefore the ish gets annoying. So I’m not sure that this example is as pathological as everybody is making it sound lol.
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i know exactly where you’re coming from. pretentious people bother me. i am in school for a profession that will REQUIRE me to dress down 90% of the time. so now to school i wear jeans, tees, sneakers, polos, etc yet i’m still in the company of doctors and dentists. their profression is the opposite where they dress down only about 10% of the time. i think its pretty funny when people look down their noses at mw and make assumptions about who i am. most likely i’m more intelligent, cultured and have more class than the people generalizing me. this is life. i’m used to making assumptions about me but it doesn’t mean i have to like it. *shrug*
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I agree with R.A.G. above, most pretentious black people are just insecure. They are afraid to associate with certain things for fear of being thought of as “too black” ie threatening. However, they are not that comfortable with the other stuff as well. So seeing someone else who they feel does not fit the mold at all, gives them time to shine so they look down on that person as way to feel good about themselves and solidify their “position.”
I had an experience with a really annoying pretentious guy when I was in DC this weekend. He was going on and on about how he works for Hilary Clinton and kept referring to black people as “niglets” as he talked about why he did not hang around any. He was soooo annoying. When he asked my friend what she did, he was a little too impressed. We figured he either was impressed b/c he was hyping up his own position or because he expected us to have some BS jobs. I didn’t even bother engaging him enough for him to ask me any questions. I was too through when he started his conversation with my friend saying that he says stuff to the point of lacking tact. We left before we could even eat and he was shocked b/c he thought his conversation was “engaging.”
I did notice that he was trying too hard, but that was because he was extremely unattractive, overweight with a very large protruding belly, and a very bad suit on. I usually don’t judge people by their clothing, but he was such a jerk, so I don’t care. I knew from his bad, poorly fitting suit that he did not have that great of a job. I know that he definitely has problems attracting women or at least the women that he is attracted to. He was just so insecure about his weight and looks that his only way to feel comfortable about himself was to attempt to look down on us.
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Personally, I haet pretentious Black people. I do think there’s a fine line between pretention and enjoying the finer things in life. I’m someone that likes to dress nice and eat at nice spots, but you’ll never hear me label drop or name drop. I HATE people like that. The ones that just can’t say “I bought some new shoes” they have to “casually” throw in the label and the price. I’d be interested to see which produces more pretentious negros, PWIs or HBCUs. It’s been my experience that the latter is more unbearable. But maybe it’s because I expect HBCU alums to be more down to earth.
But whatever…it’s championship monday!
LET’S GO DUKE!!!!!
j-full
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R.A.G Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
“LET’S GO DUKE!!!!!” haha. co-sign.
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I don’t have a pretentious bone in my body. So, I can’t really get with those types of people…and they really can’t deal with me either..which is cool. My ex-husband was somewhat pretentious and I am so NOT. I think, we balanced each other out..but, he used to get on my nerves with that tomfoolishness…
Pretentious people I believe are basically good people but they have a real need to be liked by society and to be accepted and admired. Money doesn’t make you pretentious either…some people, are just pretentious because its who they are at their core.
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SMH…hahaha…Seattle nailed it with this one!
I feel like the most pretentious people are at afterwork black professional ‘networking’ events at bars and entertainment/industry parties.
Afterwork Black professional networking functions at bars seem to just draw the individuals who’d rather spit out their resume than to talk about current events, sports or possible good events to attend in NYC area aside from the usual clubs. The substance tends to be sooo lackluster that I tend to dismiss any invites to any of them in recent years.
Give me a chill off brand bar/maybe hipster lounge anyday then to deal with questions of “What do you do…?” ….”Who do you work for….” etc.
Spittin on fliers that say ‘Grown & Sexy’ or ‘Business Attire’ on it,
-BBW
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Wu Young Agent of M.E. Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
“Grown & Sexy’ ”
I still haven’t found out what constitutes “grown & sexy”.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
That whole ‘Grown & Sexy’ propaganda is beyond me sometimes. Once ure 25 and over, you don’t need an event to tell you ‘Grown & Sexy’! The sexy part can be debated by the opposite sex but we know were grown because we have monthly bills & rent to pay!!
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So, I’m reading this whole rant against the pretentious black people of the world, and you sound pretentious. Look at my Tissot watch, my Clae shoes, “I make more than you do or ever will”, and “my college was better than yours”. Seriously?!?!? You’re dropping brand names and judging these people, just like they’re judging you, and in your own measurement stick, you think you’re better than they are. Yet you’re doing the exact same things they’re doing to you, passing judgment with little or no information. Sounds a lot like the pot calling the kettle black to me…
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 9:36 am
I see where you’re coming from. Can’t really say that I agree. I’ve been with Seattle a couple of times where there’s some dude in a suit guarding the way into an “elite function” telling me that I can’t get in because of what I’m wearing or some other foolishness. I could humbly walk away and be like “Sorry sir. Your loss.”
But who does that?
When someone looks at you a certain way or says something off the cuff, it can make someone/me say “homie who the f*ck are you?” There’s also a difference in presenting an image of who you are and presenting an image of someone that you are not. I don’t walk around holding my degree over my head like a championship belt or announcing myself with a megaphone though I know I’m an urban professional with a bright future like the rest of ‘em. I think Seattle is saying he could go toe to toe with these people if he wanted to, but that’s not him and not what he wants to do.
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Peyso Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 9:41 am
I think you’re wrong, here’s why. I think he says those things as a point of reference; to say, “I’m more like you than you think but because you’re stuck on my job or how I look, you cant see”. I also think that his “pretentiousness” (as perceived by you” is a byproduct and reaction to pretentiousness that he witnesses and experiences. So IMHO, pretentiousness may be wrong in all cases but its definitely less wrong in some
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 10:04 am
From now on, Peyso handles my light work. That response was spot on, as was Slim’s. I was bringing those things up to merely speak in Pretentious People’s language. Giving them something they’d understand and letting them know I can ball with the best of them. But I choose not too, because that’s not my style. My Tissot watch stays under my shirt most times and my alma mater doesn’t get brought up unless we’re talking about their devastating loss in the Sweet 16.
Also, I’m not judging. My boys work in those fields I listed and they’re far from pretentious. I know not to do that. I’m not pretentious, I’m just an assh*le. And I will be an assh*le when someone judges me from afar blatantly. And when a Black person gives you a look very similar to ones that prejudiced White people have given me here in Boston, it’s very easy to see where they’re coming from. I’ve been dealing with this for almost 4 yrs, I’m not new to the game.
Furthermore, as you can tell from the tense in those paragraphs it was directed towards Pretentious People. Are you getting defensive?
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Candyce Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 10:23 am
LOL Seattle calm down, I don’t know you personally and I’m not even a regular reader of this blog. This was my first time here and my first impression of you. So in that context I’m sure you can understand that yea it comes across pretentious.
That said, I have a pretty feminine name so I’m sure you can gauge that I’m a female. Which means I’m not a stranger to being judged. Judged by other women and at work judged by men. As to whether or not I’m pretentious, I can be, but I generally chose not to be. I have all the credentials to be, but when people ask what I do, I just tell them “oh I work for a (insert industry) company” and let them assume I’m a receptionist because I didn’t give my title or get into specifics. If they brush me off because they think I’m beneath them, so be it. I know my worth and that I have nothing to prove to them, because odds are good they aren’t the type of people I want to be associated with, so I don’t sweat it, I don’t let it ruin my night and neither should you.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 10:38 am
Well, welcome to Three Ways Candyce! I still think you’re confusing “pretentious” and “asshole”, but it’s cool. I hope you get familiar and catch up with some of our recent posts in that right hand column over there. Yep. Right there. Click them and you’ll get a feel for the rest of the authors here.
Yeah, I didn’t let it ruin my night. Had a beer and chilled for a few. However, I’m not going to spend my money where I don’t feel comfortable. I ended up bouncing and heading to a bar that was more my speed and had a great time by the time I went home. Plus if I hadn’t gone, I’d have nothing to talk about today. Sh*t happens for a reason.
Come back soon.
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I live/work in the DC area…pretentiousness is spoon-fed to you from birth, lol, but I can’t mess with it.
I’m in jeans 98.99567% of the time at work, that’s just the nature of the beast here. Visitors get so confused here because they assume the folk (mainly women) who are dressed down are admins…it’s funny.
We had one person come in here swinging his beemer keys back and forth, emblems a-blazing, Brooks Brothers suit tight to death, shoes so polished, they blinded you, nose so far up and back in the air I swore he was going to trip over backwards…anyway we take him out to lunch and while we’re walking to the car, he’s going on and on and on about this that and the other of how fast his car is, how great it handles, and “When or if *smirk* you guys get a chance you should really test drive one…although you may have to show the dealership your proof of insurance,” blah blah blah.
I wanted to smack him but it got better when my co-worker volunteered to drive since he has an SUV that can fit all of us. I start smiling because when we get to his SUV Mr Pretentious shuts the hell up at the sight of the GL550. It was funny, lunch was great lmao!
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What drives me nuts, is the person that won’t give you the time of day and then they find out what you do and wanna be friends. I’m like beat it. If I wasn’t good enough initially I got no time for you now. Generally pretentious people are also pretty insecure. I really try to treat people like I wanna be treated.
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A.Smith Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
THIS…
I preach and preach and preach — treat people well, because you don’t know who I know or what I do
or how I can ruin your life.I let (pretentious) people talk about themselves, first, let them figure out how much help they think I can be based off what they see off top, drop the bomb (what I do, who I work for) and walk off.
If you can’t treat me with basic respect, like I’m worthwhile to talk to regardless of what I do, then I can’t help you once you realize that I can be helpful.
Don’t do me.
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I think it would help if you defined “pretentious” with something other than clothes. Just because I may wear a suit everyday doesn’t make me pretentious…
I think a lot of times, people are sooo concerned with what others think, that it’s almost the opposite. Again, with the vague description of the event you attended, it’s hard to say, so I just have to take your word I suppose; however, I’m kinda tired of so-called pretentious Black people trying to hide their education and job experiences for fear of being called pretentious. Sooo many times I avoid telling other Black people where I went to college because I know the assumptions will start flowing. So instead of saying, “I went to Cornell,” I say, “I went to a school Upstate NY” lmao…
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Slim Jackson Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 9:48 am
I really hate telling people I went to Cornell more times than not. Once you say it, anything you say will fall victim to “You think you know everything just because you went to Cornell.” Hate it! I remember one time I was at a mixer with friends and this group of girls asked us where we went to school and I really didn’t want to say and we all froze. I’m pretty sure we all came across as pretentious at that moment.lol.
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R.A.G Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Next time, try saying u went to Duke, then u’ll know what being judged really feels like
Sans bball (mad hate) & academia, the word “Duuuuuuke” just sounds pretentious as hell… kinda like “Haaaaaavard” & I went their too. So I, too, say things like “I went to undergrad in NC, then came up to Boston” haha, hella vague. Unless they’re my facebook friends & know my profile inside & out, I’m not sure many ppl around here really know where I’ve been at all & that’s fine. If ppl want to network, I’ll open up & we can talk business from there.
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A.Smith Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
I have this thing where I force people to talk to me for more than 2 minutes before I’ll tell where I went to undergrad.
And if they’re from where I grew up (or the surrounding area) I won’t tell where I went to high school off top either.
I can’t with the prejudging. Let me show you who I am, because based on those 1 or 2 lone facts, you won’t know ANYTHING.
And even after the 2 mins, I’ll often just say what city I went to undergrad in and let them assume it was one of the HBCUs or that they don’t know the school.
Unless they’re white — I can’t stand when white people assume I went to an HBCU. No shade to the HBCU’s, but the city my alma mater’s in has hella schools, why did I HAVE to go to a black one? Can’t you just let me tell you which one?
Sorry… got off on a rant there…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 10:07 am
You’re very right Hoop. My boys rock suits and they’re far from pretentious. However, this whole exchange was only based on appearances and glances so that’s all I could really write about.
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nyhoop Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 10:18 am
ok, I’m going to push the envelope a little, just for the sake of discourse lol…
When I think of an “afterwork” event, I think of a certain attire. Regardless of what my occupation is. So is it possible that maybe, just maybe, the looks came because you weren’t in traditional “afterwork” attire, and not anything more? I know I may be reaching here, lol…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 10:20 am
Hahaha. I would be with you and I’ve been in those situations so I’ll chalk it up, but this time it was a Saturday night.
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nyhoop Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 10:21 am
got it! lol
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I’m pretentious. Yep, I’ll admit it. However, I’m pretentious to EVERYONE. I dont name drop or brag though. That’s corny. I honestly think that I’m better dressed than you and funnier and cooler and went to a better school. So what? I hope you feel the same way about your stuff. I’m not gonna try to make you feel like trash about it though. That’s not pretentious, that’s just being an as$hole.
I’m gonna ask you what do you do because quite frankily you spend at least 25% and in some cases up to 40% of your time there each week. Regardless of what you feel about it, its a big part of you as a person. No the profession doesnt make you, but how you feel about it and your reactions toward it, in combination with your future goals tell alot about a person. I’m gonna ask you what school you went to b/c I want to make sure you’re not the simp at Cornell that I had heard about or Harvard chick who i saw the video of the trizzy.
How do we do this whole avoiding pretentiousness thing at networking events where those types of questions HAVE to be answered?
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R.A.G Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
I don’t think asking those questions make u pretentious tho. Ppl, really? That’s an association at best. They may be annoying as hell once u’ve been asked that by everybody who stops to chat, but they’re basic questions ppl ask when they don’t somebody. What would u rather them ask… “do u like puppies or kittens?” …”do u believe in God?” …”do u watch porn?” Really tho…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
“Do you watch porn?” would be the best conversation starter ever. #ImJustSaying
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And it’s my day off…
I don’t know if the definition of pretentious here is all that correct. I’m suited and booted up, 100% i’m at work. Even on Friday, my boss is like a suit, no tie. If you have a tee time, you can get away with a polo. When i’m at happy hour, suited and booted up and someone walks in with a tee shirt and jeans, I give them the stanky eye. Why because something in this picture does not belong? I realize that the person may be smarter than me, may even make more money than me. Hell, i’m in the club suited and booted up and this d-boy over here makes ten times as much as me and he’s in a long white tee and flip flops.
Pretentious people are the people who look down on people. Like if they see you with Dunkin Donuts coffee and they say, “Oh i’m glad I make the money I do, because everyone knows Starbucks is the best coffee, anything else is trash.” Or if you drive a Kia, they say, “I only drive German. German is the only automobile on the road. Everything else is just a car.” That’s pretentious. I think people get so concerned about side eyes sometimes they think people are judging. Sometimes i’m just making an observation that something has disturbed the matrix.
In other news, i’m with Slim. I get out of work and i’m in tee shirt, jeans, and chucks/vans/sk8board kicks right away and always. The earlier mentioned example about me being suited up in the club is nearly a lie. I am not going to club if I feel I gotta dress better for the club than I do for Jesus.
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great post.
@peyso
if you’re in a room full of people who think they are better than everyone else in the room, please explain to me how any sort of meaningful relationship (professional or otherwise) can be fostered?
it sounds like a pretty toxic environment to be in to me. javing pride in your accomplishments? cool. being uber pretentious because of them? Not so much IMO.
re: questions pertaining to your job, yes, those questions can be asked. they don’t necessarily have to be asked within 47 seconds of meeting a person. The percentages you threw out there (25-40%) is still a MINORITY of my time, which means there SHOULD be more to discuss besides how I make money.
but for a lot of people, and i dare say ALOT of BLACK people, their lives are defined by their professional/material gains, hence the emphasis.
like seattle, i work in a casual environment, and have been frowned on (yup, as a woman) strolling into an after-work event wearing jeans. i actually attend these events to meet people and mingle, but in nyc, these things tend to segregate along college/industry/greek org lines, and it becomes one of those “i’m there to be seen” atmospheres…in which i feel totally out of place (see: three kings/JI group parties, etc.).
it also goes beyond networking too; i’ve never been to so many “parties” where folks don’t even dance! like, wddda?? these people are too cool to sweat or shake a leg.
it’s a sad case, folks.
young black pros have adopted this idea of what “success” means/looks like, how one must portray themselves in order to achieve it, and it’s very ugly to me. it’s just another way in which we create a divide amongst ourselves…
(woo-sah)
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Peyso Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 11:35 am
@peyso
“if you’re in a room full of people who think they are better than everyone else in the room, please explain to me how any sort of meaningful relationship (professional or otherwise) can be fostered?” – Pretty simple actually. If you think you’re the best, you usually have a reason to think so. Thus, I wanna work w/ you to be more of the best. Also, I stated in my comment that I’m not going to make anyone feel like an arsehole while speaking to them. If you dont feel that you’re the best at whatever you do, why you in a bar talking to me? Go practice or something.
I hate to quote this man but Lil Wayne says it best. He says “I don’t think I’m better than anybody personally. I don’t think I’m better than anybody spiritually. I don’t think I’m better than anybody in any way or form or fashion. But as far as this rap thing, I think I am better than everybody. I’m a competitor and I hope everybody feels the same way about their craft.“
“re: questions pertaining to your job, yes, those questions can be asked. they don’t necessarily have to be asked within 47 seconds of meeting a person. The percentages you threw out there (25-40%) is still a MINORITY of my time, which means there SHOULD be more to discuss besides how I make money.” – I’ll discuss how much you sleep then because that is (or should be) around 30% of what you do what your time. And when combined with the previous 25-40% equals a majority of your time. Furthermore, you took only the part of the comment that helps to prove your point and not the whole thing. I said what a job can you tell about a person and notice it had nothing to do w/ pedigree or the amount of money that a person makes. If you’re a union worker who busting his arse to do his job you get much more respect from me than an I banker who is just collecting a check and waiting for severance.
“like seattle, i work in a casual environment, and have been frowned on (yup, as a woman) strolling into an after-work event wearing jeans.” – You’re out of dress code. Do you show up to black tie events in a short set?
“i actually attend these events to meet people and mingle, but in nyc, these things tend to segregate along college/industry/greek org lines, and it becomes one of those “i’m there to be seen” atmospheres…in which i feel totally out of place (see: three kings/JI group parties, etc.)” – I agree wholeheartedly with this and have no argument. Three Kings and JI are getting pretty wack b/c you see the same dudes wearing perfectly press suits (you mean to tell me you wore that suit all day and there isnt a single wrinkle and must you wear that loud bow tie?) and women in what my gf calls “beach towels and cheap shoes” w/ wet and wild make up. Yes, I’m judging but these outfits show a complete lack of creativity and somewhat speaks to what kind of person they are.
“it also goes beyond networking too; i’ve never been to so many “parties” where folks don’t even dance! like, wddda?? these people are too cool to sweat or shake a leg.” – I agree again. Ppl looked at me and my college homies cuz we were dancing like fools. I’m talkin about a group a 4 or 5 BIG guys dancing sans girls (pause).
“young black pros have adopted this idea of what “success” means/looks like, how one must portray themselves in order to achieve it, and it’s very ugly to me. it’s just another way in which we create a divide amongst ourselves…” – This aint a young black thing….
(woo-sah)
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clsmoove Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 11:59 am
@ peyso:
to your first point, fair enough
to your 2nd point: ok. you learn a lot about a person thru their livelihood; i can buy that. someone being in a trade union would get an automatic dismissal by many in these circles, tho. my issue with the “what do you do” question is that many of those asking it have already determined “acceptable” vs. “unacceptable” responses. it comes across as a very superficial inquiry most of the time.
re: dress code. the flyer usually reads “professional attire”. i’m a professional. and jeans/casual clothes are professional attire for me and the industry i’m in (advertising). *kanye shrug*
and i’m SOOO glad someone else feels me on the nyc party scene…smh.
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When I tell people where I attended undergrad, they assume I’m some snobby, pretentios black woman. Then you have those people who look down on me when I tell them I’m from SC, and assume I’m an uneducated hick, and when I tell those people where I went to undergrad and law school, they immediately change their opinion of me to the other extreme.
I think it’s all pretty funny. I never feel the need to laud my accomplishments and successes over others. When other black folk attempt to look down their noses at me or throw shade b/c I’m wearing jeans, I usually just laugh, shake my head and walk awsy. And I make a mental note about the person just in case I ever have to work with them. Folks walk around burning potential bridges everyday.
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Smiley Face Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 11:19 am
“Folks walk around burning potential bridges everyday.”
say Amen!Especially if you know we work in the SAME city in the SAME field!
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Wu Young Agent of M.E. Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 11:32 am
I get the SC thing all of the time when I meet people who aren’t from Charleston.(Charleston is filthy with Ohioans and people from New Jersey.)
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Anna Nimous Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
” Folks walk around burning potential bridges everyday.” –
you ain’t neva lied with this. I make occassional trips to another office building with my organization, and this one lady would kinda give me a hard time. Demanding to see my badge, acting like I don’t work there, snobby, etc. All from the reception desk. Well, ole girl decided to apply for a promotion and guess who was on the interview panel? I wish I had a camera, cuz the look on her face when she walked in and saw me was like “Oh.Spit.”
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Reecie Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
“When I tell people where I attended undergrad, they assume I’m some snobby, pretentious black woman.”
you know what NIA, I don’t assume that at all! 100% of the women from your alma mater have been the most down to earth people I’ve met, now your brother school on the other hand…LOL
but yeah I agree with the comment about burning bridges,I try to keep it cordial with everyone I meet because you just never know. I’ve been rubbed the wrong way by a lot of pretentious ppl in my life but not enough to stay down about it. People are only gonna be who they are. *shrugs*
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 4:14 pm
“now your brother school on the other hand…LOL”
Are we talking about Morehouse? Do they know that everyone thinks that about them?
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Reecie Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
yes, and I’m not sure if they know it or not.
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N.I.A.naturally Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
1. Yes
2. I think so. They aren’t all pretentious pricks, but they all think they are better than everyone else, similar to what Peyso described in his comment.
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I hope I don’t come-off as one of those rude responders but I don’t quite understand why you put a “Pretentious” Tag on the people at your Happy Hour Bar/Lounge. It sounds to me like you were judging based on the same criteria’s you claim they judge you on “Looks”, so just because a girl wears peals, or a guy wears vest or some other preppy attire doesn’t make them “Pretentious”.
I might be getting a little defensive because people judge me by these standards all the time. I’ve heard it from Male and female that I come off unfriendly and like I think I’m better than others, basically like a “Pretentious B****”, but eff it I have to agree with Peyso, I do think so sometimes, I really don’t understand why anyone would think any less of themselves.
I think if you feel insecure around “Pretentious” people, then you’re probably just insecure in general. Why should you let it bother you that I dress a certain way and choose to drink Martini’s and Wine instead of Henny? Yes I am choosey about my social circle, yes I judge people by their attire but it’s not as simple as suit vs slacks and a polo. It’s all about the way you carry yourself, I don’t care how educated you are, if you are the guy cutting in front of me at the bar suit or no-suit I will look down on you. And if you’re in some a polo and nice jeans (no saggin) and come off as a respectful young man, nice demeanor and you want to chant I will be 100% down for that also no judgments. I’ve shocked a few who were quick to judge in the past.
I just never seem to understand people who get so bothered by others, I guess I’m just to damn self centered to care what the next one is doing, unless I’m trying to get on their level.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Nah, you don’t come across rude. I understand your perspective, but I think you missed a few key points in the post.
I wasn’t judging based upon looks, but on the looks I was getting. And as I stated in the final paragraph, I didn’t assume anything about anyone until I got the snobbish side eyes. But, please see my dialogue with Candyce for more explanation.
Also I don’t feel insecure about it or else I wouldn’t have went to or stayed in the establishment. I was just observing, seemed funny and I needed something to write about on a Monday. ::Kanye shrug::
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Renee Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Oooohhh you just “Kanyeshrug” me… in that case I meant yo be rude, your wrong wrong wrong, “FIGHT ME!!!!” lol, J/K.
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“I too like to indulge in the pomegranate juices in the morning and eat sushi at lunch.”
LOL!! when i roll up in somewhere and ask for Acai’.. and yes b*tch, i know how to pronounce it correctly!!
i used to hang with a pretentious woman.. she wanted to roll EVERYWHERE in her Acura.. then b*tch and moan about how expensive it was to fill up.. and looked at me sideways when i said “alright, we’ll take my corolla..” it’s takes me $27 to fill my tank.. stop actin like the label makes you special.. nah heifer, it just makes you BROKE!!
she liked the names, the labels.. like to name drop.. etc.. and at 30-somethin years old, these things STILL matter to you..
i can’t STAND IT!!
i love when people eyeball my tank top and jeans with a side of Pumas.. use my schooling, as if to define how smart i am.. and then when i open my mouth, they have to eat their words, with a side of humble pie.. by then, i’ve moved on, and deemed you worthy of none of my time..
i don’t put on performances unless the Academy is about to hand out nominations.. #caseclosed..
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Ionno, I’m of 2 minds on the issue. On the one hand, I can’t stand the pretentious crowd either, mostly because they can be boring. Got all the elements for a good time (good food, liquor, great dj) – but everyone is too self-conscious to cut loose and enjoy it. This is the same crowd who never really get past talking about their resumes and toys, the women don’t wanna dance hard or they’ll sweat their hair out, they need to know where you went to school and what you do before they’ll talk to you, etc. Bo-ring!
But there’s another side. See, I live in PG county (near DC). And what happens is that a bar/club will open and cater to the tons of middle class blacks in the area. Everything is cool for a minute. But you know the thing about middle to upper-middle class Blacks is that they generally work real hard and don’t party as much. You know who IS partyin’? Nigaz. They find the spot, next thing you know security has been doubled, disrespectful dudes are everywhere and eventually someone is shot or stabbed and the joint has to shut down for a minute. Recent example would be Lavar Arrington’s Sideline restaurant. Used to have cool local artists, spoken word, etc. Grand opening…..Grand closing.
So I think some of the ridiculous dress codes come from the fact that people think Black folk will behave better if they’re dressed up – or that a “certain element” will not attend if it’s a dressier event.
There’s gotta be a way to cater to the middle ground – I don’t care what school you went to, but I don’t want you callin’ me out my name (I didn’t want to dance with you) or shooting (someone stepped on your Tims) either.
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Nick_L_Odeon Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
you know what!?!?! you came up with my GREATEST beef with the parties down here.. (florida.. s.florida at that).. everybody is posted up against the wall.. in the shoes they can’t walk in.. KNOWING they just spent the diaper money on the Malibu and pineapple they’re sipping..
i tell everyone, “i’m mad if my hair looks the same when i walk out of a party as it did when i walked in..” what is wrong with people.. stop lookin for your next man at the club, and stop tryin to act like “it takes two”.. or “uncle Al” doesn’t make you wanna hike up the dress (you got it at Rave anyway) and drop it low..
it’s annoying.. “You are not that pretty honey!!!”
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Reecie Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
I think it depends on the scene–lounges, well I expect to lounge, mingle, sip some drinks maybe get up and dance if “my song” comes on. The club? I expect to dance all night if the DJ is that awesome. But yea, it really just depends on how you are feeling. I don’t club often but when I do I like to party, not stand, lol. So I dress to do that with ease–chicks showing twat & getting barefoot in the club kinda blow me though. lol. I guess because I’m older but I’m not dropping it low in a club no matter how good the DJ is though like I did in college. Also, its usually those folks that go out every single weekend that are just “holding up the wall” being too cool for school at some of these places.
I feel Anna N. on the middle ground–its hard if you live in an area that has either/ors: bougie spots or hood spots and no real just chill spots–which I’ve noticed are usually of mixed crowd.
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Renee Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
I totally understand what your saying about people posting at parties, I’m not a “poster” but I’m not going to be in the middle of the dance floor face down @$$ up either. I’m a two-two stepper until they start playing reggae then I might get a little loser. I personally hate men who think a party or happy hour is an event for trying to get up on me and act loose, no thank you, you can go over there —–>
I actually follow 3 promoters because I know their Happy Hours and Parties are on point security wise and I won’t have to worry about Negroes blowing weed smoke in my face all night. If people have been shot-up at a promoters event I’m avoiding his events at all cost because that means he isn’t doing his job. Sometimes I get an attitude with security but in my experience they do a really good job most of the time. I also stay away from free events, your just asking for trouble *mumbles* stupid 40/40 club, never a again.
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Anna Nimous Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 2:27 pm
Yeah, there has to be some middle ground between twerkin’ with your shoes off and your dress hiked up – and giving the “Dirty Diana” (that’s what my friends and I call the mean face) from your spot on the wall. Man, those chicks are a buzzkill! What happened to impromptu “old skool” dance contests, where people bust out with the running man, cabbage patch and the like?
Then I made the mistake of going to a “30 and over” party. More like 50 and over. I ain’t never seen so many buttons and Steve Harvey suits in my life. Dang!
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clsmoove Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:47 pm
“But you know the thing about middle to upper-middle class Blacks is that they generally work real hard and don’t party as much. You know who IS partyin’? Nigaz.”
+100
This has to be the funniest ish written thus far.
I’m VERY familiar with the Sideline restaurant situe (worked on the launch & marketing), and it’s sad how ish went down…
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Im not gonna lie, i have given the side eye to ppl i see at a happy hour dressed down. Not so much for their attire, but I wonder if they just tryna bag professional women, lol. Mostly hate because I want to be dressed like them, as I hate the shrit and tie at work movement, but my profession dictates my attire.
I feel you on this post tho. pretty funny!
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I appreciate your honesty Sir Streetz. The first step is recognition.
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Streetztalk Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
LMAOOO
Im not pretentious… I think im a lil Boughie (PWIs will do it to u) but I hate the judging that occurs in general. Like at my gig, the “professional” always got sneak jokes on admins… like their job aint important like yours? cmon son!
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Smiley Face Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Admins are your best friends…don’t piss them off, you won’t get sh*t done!
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Anna Nimous Reply:
April 5th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
I know. Piss off an admin and see how far you get. Expense reports not done, calls not coming through, paperwork not getting sent out. Even at the interview a lot of managers will ask the receptionist how you were in the waiting room.
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*thumbs up* on this post.
This is exactly why I can’t do the First Fridays crowd in my town anymore. *eyeroll* They make me itch like my eczema is acting up.
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I co-sign this all day…
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A day late, but yesss! Tell it! I work for a non profit in DC and had to work at one of our camps last week. I went into a little neighborhood bar with some tennis shoes, jeans and a company logo shirt. These women looked like they wanted to take me outside and beat me. Mean muggin the whole time. I was like, really? Seriously? We’re both in a bar. No matter how you cut it. You too, in your business suit and stilettos, are in a bar eating chicken wings. So, you ain’t special…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
LMAO @ them giving you the side eye with a mouth full of blue cheese and chicken meat.
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Rum Punch Reply:
April 6th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Heh. Yes, because they were prolly too pretentious to ask for that good ol’ ranch dressing. But um yeah, that’s pretty much how it all went down.
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A bit confused about your definition of pretentious. Seems like you equate educated and well dressed with pretentious. To me the term would only apply to someone who is pretending to be something or someone they are not.
Anyways I do hate it when people look down on others based on socioeconomic class. Especially when it’s upper/middle class black people looking down on lower class blacks. It’s silly to say the least.
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