Procrastination is like…

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As per my usual weekly post creation process, I spent most of the day pondering what in God’s name I should write about today.   The old adage that whatever can go wrong will go wrong held true today as I had to call a few audibles during the day to make everything work.  Of course, the unexpected happens everyday and I’m used to it by now, but what usually complicates the unexpected is the unfinished tasks from the recent or distant past come back to haunt me, and today was no different.  Before I realized it, it was 7pm and still had no effin’ clue what to write about and also remembered I needed to also email a colleague some info, call my insurance company, set up a meeting with an admissions counselor, create lunch invites on my e-calendar, feed and walk the dog……and take a nap.  And as per my usual weekly post creation process, I handled the nap first.  But I napped well because as I laid my head down, I realized my topic was already staring me in the face.

There’s another saying that goes something like “Procrastination is like masturbation because you’re only f*ckin’ yourself.”  That’s a pretty good metaphor, here’s the thing about masturbation…it feels damned great.  A major part of the reason the porn industry is so popular is due to the fact that people greatly enjoy auto-eroticism, so you can only imagine how satiating procrastination must feel.  Sh*t, most of y’all probably rubbed one out this morning…or might be doing it right now (My writing is that good…I know).  While it may have been prudent to take care of all my miscellaneous tasks beforehand, it felt a hell of a lot better to crack open my sex trunk a beer and catch up on All My Children and One Life to Live on the Soap Network.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Anybody know if they caught Hayward yet?  #dontjudgeme

I’m sure if you look back on some of history’s monumental f*ckups, procrastination is probably lurking in the shadows.  I’m pretty sure there’s an email that a DOD official neglected to send on 9/10 that may have been able to prevent 9/11.  I’m also pretty sure Nicole Brown’s boyfriend wanted to break up with her sooner, but decided to put it off until after the playoffs (Too soon?…nah…)    The ironic thing about this post is that it is probably keeping you from something else that you should be doing, but since your all edumacated and someone taught you the word “multi-task”, you figure you can get to that later.  TPS reports get put off for tweets and faxes are postponed for Facebook status update.  Then of course, once you change your status, you have to go through your news feed. You’ll probably end up commenting on this and other blogs for most of the day and that task will get pushed back even further, with only immediate fires garnering attention.  But you’re still going to do it.  Alas, if we could only procrastinate on procrastination…(What?)

There definitely should be scientific research done to figure what can be done about procrastination.  If they can crank out  pills that gives me healthy eye lashes, they better be able to come up with something for this ailment…or have they been putting that research off?  How often do you put things off and how often do they come back to bite you in the ass?   Talk to me about your procrastination, but do it soon before something else comes up.

Workin’ on it,

…this post is really about masturbation.