Put a Ring on These…
Beyonce is fine as hell. As Jay said, “That aint Pilates, her body just thick…” But I swear to you, if I bumped into shorty on Spring St. without her bodyguards, I might have to pull her to the side and have an aggressive conversation with her. Why? Because for much longer than I care to remember, Beyonce has been making brothers with wifeys/fiancees etc. sweat like a hooker that sells drugs in church. As our society becomes more and more influenced by popular culture, it’s getting real hard for real G’s in the struggle. “Pay my Bills” dropped, and every sister in America started looking at cats sideways like “Word…CAN YOU PAY MY BILLS?” Uh…no. “Survivor” and “Bug a Boo” didnt help matters much either. But now she done did it.
If women had a country, Beyonce would be their sovereign leader, Oprah’s face would be on all the money, and “Put a ring on it” would be their damned national anthem. I hate this damn song. I cant begin to tell you how much I hate this song. I was in a “club” the other day and naturally the dj had to drop it. My right hand man said as soon as the beat dropped the emotion on my face immediately changed so quickly he thought I was going to fight the dj (Kid Capri) for playing it. And the song has the reverse effect on women. As soon as the song came on, all the women in the club immediately held hands and started circling all the men in the party in what appeared to be a cannabalistic/tribalistic fashion, vigorously waving their left hands (which were ironically ringless) in the air. It never fails, no matter where I’m at and this song happens to come on, women cant help but lose their damn minds. I may have been high off communion wine, but I could have swore I saw some women re-enacting the choreography from the video in my church’s parking lot. Beyonce is the ’08 Pied Piper. (Sorry Cultural Icon…)
Judging by the response to this song by women, Beyonce is obviously not the only one that feels that fellas need to hurry up and cop that ball and chain 6 carat pink diamond. I made the mistake of stopping on BET the other night while channel surfing (talk about a wipe out) and was the unfortunate victim of the movie “Three Can Play That Game.” Apparently this is the sequel to Vivica and Morris Chesnut’s film “Two Can Play That Game”. For those of you lucky enough never to have witnessed this cinematic spectacle, the movie is basically about Vivica’s “playbook” for making men to submit. Throughout the movie she engages in childish games and tactics in order to get her man “under control”. In the horrific sequel, the stakes are raised, and she is actually a relationship counselor, and not only does she guarantee women that their men will be tamed, but he will also…put a ring on it. Oddly enough, none of her clients took the time out to realize that their love doctor did not have a ring of her own.
Why is it at every step of the game women always seem to be pressing the issue for deeper committment? I’m sure that there are men out there who probably do the same thing (all of whom have been excommunicated from Bruthadom*), but it has been my experience that women force the issue. Even when homie decides to make her his boo, wifey, fiancee, etc, it usually after caving in to Cold War-esque pressures. Dont get me wrong, all that love at first sight/true love stuff exists and is all good, but if that were the norm, not only would the divorce rate be exponentially lower, but we’d be overwhelmed by random acts of love instead of war, pestilence and violence.
It’s not that maybe “He’s Just not that into you”, maybe a brother just need to make sure that the right head is making the decisions before throwing in all his chips. We threw the idea around the other day of what women want and men actually wanting to do it. Most men I know don’t do anything they don’t want to do unless there are extenuating circumstances.
It begs the question, why would you take solace in the fact that after all your logic, theory and manipulation that your man finally decided to step to the plate? Why wouldn’t you make sure that HE’S proposing a change in your relationship for all the right reasons? Not to snitch on myself again, but I had the unfortunate opportunity to watch “Sex in the City, The Movie” (in the city, and the city…whatever). If you didnt see it (fellas), the main character is set to marry the love of her life Mr. Big after a half assed proposal on his part. I think he’s exact words were “F*%$ it, let’s get married.”
Long story short, Big had issues getting married in part because of failed marriages in the past, but mostly because his smart fiancee was interviewed by Vogue about her wedding and after reading the article, he realized that her wish to be married had nothing to do with him, but about her just wanting to be married. Yea, she loved him, but she was more focused on her dress, the guests, the reception, and all the other crap that has absolutely nothing to do with what marriage is SUPPOSED to be about. The wedding was all about her. And I guess if you want to live that Cinderella lifestyle and the idea that weddings are all about the woman and it’s her day that’s cool. But women dont marry themselves.
My brothers, stay strong, hold fast. Ladies, remember one thing…Beyonce already got her ring…don’t let her set you up for failure. Go ahead…make comments…I know you want to…
Putting up a resistance,
RightCoastLexSteele, The Ringmaster
**I love saying the N-Word just as much as the other man, but Slim docks my pay every time I do.
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U will NOT have me cracking up this early. This is a good post and it’s very well written.
I think giving a man an ultimatum is dumb as he!!. Who on earth would want to get a proposal bc he was co-erced into it????? That man is not gonna love you, he’s gonna hate your very breath… give him time.
That being said, I some women take Beyonce’s songs too far. Some women live by that shat. I had an ex coworker who was obsessed with B. This chick turned up grade you into a real life situation when she chose to buy this dude a car (and she DID NOT have it like that) AND when he proposed, she upgraded her own ring because it’s wasn’t big enough for her.
I love Beyonce. She’s doing a good job promoting the P power and that women should stand up for themselves… folks, just don’t need to take it THAT seriously.
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Peyso who likes his burritos con queso Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 10:46 am
ya home girl is a fool haha
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Ain’t she??? Ugh Peyso. I can’t claim her as a homegirl though…
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
December 19th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
lol…word…distinguish her please.
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LOL I understand the resistance to the pressure. Women have all kinds of f’in clocks. Biological, Emotional, Societal, too many. If we’re 30 and single it’s like “she must have something.” Guys do it to us too. I’m 24 and when I say I’m single I get “why, are you crazy or something?” I’m like WTF? LOL
Beyonce does make the songs that turn women into raging Robots and sheep who automatically jump on top of the tackle, but we do have to remember, she got her ring.
One thing that bothers me though is the idea that they guy is “throwing in all of his chips.” Men aren’t the only ones who sacrifice and give something up in a relationship. We have jobs, money, other penises out there that we could jump, too.
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 11:20 am
try being 30 something (knocking on 40)… people think you’re a leper.
“Men aren’t the only ones who sacrifice and give something up in a relationship. We have jobs, money, other penises out there that we could jump, too.”
Amen and say it again.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
“If we’re 30 and single it’s like “she must have something.” ”
This is thee truth. I hate the question, “why are you single?”
It’s so awkward, so instead of answering, I’ve made up a move I call the “dumb stare.” Works everytime.
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JaneDoh! Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 8:04 am
Lol, co-freakin’ sign
(Great post as well) I am 28 and just had my first relationship, ever. So you can imagine the looks I got right? “Never? as I mean ever? Why? You got a wooden leg or something?” No I don’t, stank you very much, sheesh. After guys would ask why I was single, my rehearsed line went something like “The silly and presumptuous decisions I have made regarding my love life have resulted in me being single for longer than I expected/ or wanted to be.” This also gave a lot of blank stares. *cricket* lol
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ife1love Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
“Men aren’t the only ones who sacrifice and give something up in a relationship. We have jobs, money, other penises out there that we could jump, too.”
THANK YOU! What is with this notion that a man’s decision to commit is weightier than a woman’s?!
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
And why do some act like a committment is sending them to the d@mn guillotine???
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RightCoastLex Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Cuz apparently women are genetically predisposed to wanting to be married. They just have to find a victim…excuse me…partner.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
LOL. Victim??? U play too much.
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LMAO @ those girls doing the Single Ladies choreography in the church parking lot. Pied Piper, indeed.
I can NOT and will NOT take a woman who wears a metal claw to red carpet events and has an alter-ego 100% seriously. I mean, I can give the lady props for accelerating a P-Power movement, but please believe she did not start it. She’s just REPEATING what women have been saying for years. The only difference is, she just added a hard beat and bootleg Fosse choreography to her statement. Also, nine times outta ten, her lyrics are preschool level at best.
“Yea, she loved him, but she was more focused on her dress, the guests, the reception, and all the other crap that has absolutely nothing to do with what marriage is SUPPOSED to be about. ”
For REAL. Please, please, my people, remember that the Rock of Gibraltar and the fancy frills of the wedding are just the tip of the marriage iceberg; they’re not the foundation.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
“Rock of Gibraltar and the fancy frills of the wedding are just the tip of the marriage iceberg; they’re not the foundation.”
Esp if your name is not Lisa Raye Misick. That crap is expensive!
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ChokLitFacory Reply:
December 18th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
I LOL at the parking lot choreography as well…Dang..I’m suppposed to be working!!
Great post btw Lex Steele
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RightCoast Lex Steele, my dear while there are many things in your post I can agree with there are some things that I think you (men) fail to understand.
First B, is the baddesst B out there even those women that hate her cant deny her that. And, I hate that she has become the sovereign leader of single women, complete with a single women anthem, especially since she her self is not single. She got hers.
While I do not support that women should be giving their man an ultimatum and demanding he marry her (that usually ends up bad and their are usually kids involved when it ends). I can understand the pressure some women undergo.
You (men) also have to remember a couple of things.
first, from the day we are old enough to play dollies we are trying to get married, and you are right to say its for all the wrong reasons. It is about the dress and and the reception and outdoing the last bride who’s wedding you went to. But understand it is how we are indoctrinated from birth and it takes a whole lot of unlearning to even realize that this is what takes place
2nd, WE are wired to nurture and who do we have to nurture well once we have “conquered” a man, than we have to have some children, and since we come with an expiration date (Im not saying women can not have children well into their 40′s, 50′s; but I don’t know one woman in their right mind that looks forward to that) we need to conquer a man sooner than later.
3d, today’s woman is more independent than in former generations: yes she can pay her own bills, she has parchment, and titles, and a mortgage and … But there is nothing more satisfying than meeting someone that can do that for you. So when she is out looking for a man to conquer, it would be in her best interest to find one that can keep her in the lifestyle that she is accustomed to maintaining (especially if she is about to spit out some nappy headed chillen on his behalf). Even Beyonce had J sign that he would pay her a salary while/in the event she takes a break and has his Camel looking offspring. (That’s why she’s bad)
And last, I think you need to go back and review Sex in the City, cause Big came to the realization that he loved Carrie and couldn’t be without her and that is why he proposed to her with the fierce blue Minolo’s.
(bracing herself for the onslaught)
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RightCoastLex Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Yea, yea, I saw that part. I purposely left that out. Can I live?
He did end up doing the right thing, but at that point, I had no problem with it. That’s the way it should have been in the first place. Big coming to the realization that HE wanted to be with her and making his move, not Carrie forcing the issue. And please believe that if ya boy got smacked in midtown with a handful of orchids outside my Maybach, there would have been no wedding to speak of.
I totally understand that women are indoctrinated constantly with this stuff. After all, Hallmark has cards to sell. And stuff like this reinforces those indoctrinations. But if you want us to understand your side of things, understand too that men are programmed in certain ways as well, which dont incline us to being the warm fuzzy lovey dovey emotional creatures females wish us to be.
“So when she is out looking for a man to conquer, it would be in her best interest to find one that can keep her in the lifestyle that she is accustomed to maintaining.”
Now. I’m glad you said this. Because I think there needs to be a distinction made about this lifestyle maintenance issue. If you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, by all means boo boo, go on and find you a richie rich. But if all your Louie Vitton purses are rentals, then uh…you cant get mad if your conqueree’s house aint as plush as you crave. I’m not saying you cant aspire for the finer things in life, but dont make that the litmus test. I mean, that’s why our economy is folding now, people living beyond their means trying to keep up with the Jones’. And just like the Jones’, now your credit’s jacked up and you defaulted on your mortgage. But that six carat boulder should keep you warm tho…
Man…if I keep making Sex in the City references, I’ma lose my G card.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
***hand claps, hand claps, ****
Very well composed, indeed.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
December 19th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I dunno how I feel about this whole indoctrination thing…
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I co-sign with Nicki: Great, hilarious post—mad long—but very well-written.
Anywhoo, I’m not a Beyonce fan in the least bit. I respect what she does, but I just can’t rock to her like that. Additionally, I absolutely abhor her new album and, more specifically, that damn ring song! Don’t blame Beyonce for the crazy women chanting, though. They got from it what they wanted. In a world where people no longer listen to lyrics beyond the hook, it’s natural for them to ignore the full lyrical content of a song. So, while it’s not Beyonce’s intent to encourage the “putting of a ring on the finger of someone with whom a man is not ready,” it would seem so just based on the hook.
In essence, any woman easily influenced by external forces beyond reality (e.g., Vivica Fox movies, Beyonce songs) already has a problem. I support the theory that no man should be manipulated into going further in a relationship than he’s ready for. But I blame men, too, for allowing themselves to be put in that situation in the first place. Some men go with that (even if they don’t want to) because
they’re lazy as hellthey find it easier than communicating how they really feel about the situation. Where’s the song about that ish?Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
“Additionally, I absolutely abhor her new album”
I’m sorry but as a B fan, I must agree with you. WTF is up with this latest album?
It seems like she rushed it in two days after doing lines all night with Scarface.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Gurl, yes. I feel like once artists fall in love/get married, they eff up they artistry game! Like Mary J…when she fell in love, she released No More Drama (wack). And right after she got married, she came out with
an album most people prolly haven’t heard ofLove & Life. WTF?! I threw that mess out my window like I was Cleo, in Set it Off.Beyonce just needs to stop…sit down…think about it…then try again.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
“Beyonce just needs to stop…sit down…think about it…then try again”
I am dead!!! U got this from somewhere and I can’t even think of where!!!!!
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Marriage. Is. Not. For. Everyone. At the end of the day everyone is not made to be married, and I think a lot of women need to recognize that. Some will never be ready for all the commitment, and hard work that goes along with putting a ring on it. I like Beyonce’s song ‘Put a ring on it’ but I dont take it seriously, id rather hear ‘Get me bodied’ thats my jam. Its just fun to dance to, but I refuse to throw up my left hand and flip it back and forth with all the other ladies in the club, absolutely not.
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I’m with Ziggy.
I like to dance to the song, but I’m hesitant. Even with this new Diva song she has out, I’m questioning if B even sits to think through the meaning of what she’s saying. “If you like it then you should have put a ring on it,” as a female I’m not marrying anyone I just like. I need love. And this Diva song, “Diva is the female version of a hustler,” is she serious!?!?! Diva is soo much more than that, and as a Diva, B just downgraded herself a little with that one.
I saw the Sex in the City movie after watching a marathon of the series. She noticed what she was doing in the end was not right. Females are so jaded about the whole wedding that they forget that the next day they have a whole life to live with this person, thru ups and downs, thick and thin. I wrote a blog about women and weddings, never posted it. Just watch WE on Sundays and you will see all the wedding foolery.
I’ve never pressed a man for marriage, just monogomy. I have a fear in labeling relationships, so I’ll know he’s the right one when I’m no longer fearful.
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But wait, this is four ways now!! LOL
I’m glad you brought this up Lex..I know the ladies are going to consider me a traitor/hater whatever!! But fukk it I can’t stand that damn song or Beyonce THE ARTIST!! She is beyond beautiful and her sense of style is impeccable, I may have even been caught snapping a finger or two to the song while highly intoxicated….. BUT, often the messages that her music sends to a lot of young ladies are one-dimensional and I refuse to let songs such as this one guide me thru life?
Allow me to dissect the lyrics to this song:
we just broke up
I’m doing my own little thing
you Decided to dip but now you wanna trip
Cuz another brother noticed me
I’m up on him, he up on me…….. I cried my tears, for three good years
Ya can’t be mad at me
…MIND GAMES- from my experience men don’t like that shit!!…If it is attention you are attempting to get from a man who you love, grinding up on some other dude will not bring your relationship closer…If he does decide to come back, it’s because his ego has been tarnished
Don’t treat me to the things of this world
I’m not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve
Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it???
…She just contradicted herself…to me an engagement ring (3 months worth of salary!!) classifies as one of the “things of this world”…it seems that she needs to work on why the hell she was crying for 3 yrs in the first place!!
I’ve just made an enemy or two I can feel it!!…sorry?
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ife1love Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
See I completely disagree with your dissection of the song…
She never says she wants him back. The song is not about playing games to get her man back it’s about her getting her self-confidence back after a break-up and also telling that fool her left her that he doesn’t get to control what she does now that she is a “single lady”.
Also, she is not contradicting herself. “Put a ring on it” is a euphemism. Though she herself is not single and did get a ring, (I’m sorry a outstanding creation of God, have you seen that ring?!?! My Lord!!) she actually told Jay she didn’t want a ring. He chose to get her one anyway.
I personally have been Ms. Sasha Fierce’s exact situation where someone who I really wanted a committed relationship told me in no uncertain terms they were done w/ me. I was young and insecure and boohoo’d about it for way too long. Finally I got my swagger back and when he saw me out, looking fabulous and getting all types of male attention (and loving it) he did in fact trip… HARD. He snatched me up in the bar and asked “what the f*@% I thought I was doing, where my clothes were ” and tried to make it out like I was in the wrong.
And I agree, if you liked it… then you should have put a ring on it (ie., committed) don’t be mad once you see that he want it.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
“it’s about her getting her self-confidence back after a break-up and also telling that fool her left her that he doesn’t get to control what she does now that she is a “single lady”.”
Does this include spitefully taking some new D within a few weeks of the breakup or making out ferociously with someone and then claiming “we aren’t together” when the dude finds out? I sometimes think this “reinvigorated confidence” can be interpreted as other things…then again, it’s all about context.
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ife1love Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I agree. Sometimes “reinvigorated confidence” can be “insecurity masked with hyper-extrovertedness”. It all depends on the situation. But I’ve seen men go on a manwhorish throxing spree within hours of breaking-up then turn around and judge their former girl for hooking-up with one dude randomly a week after the break-up. There’s definitely a double standard going on there.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
But ife1love,
We’re supposed to do that…aren’t we?
But in all seriousness, you’re right. Guys sometimes do break up and then take a trip to Pummelpalooza for a spree of thronxing. Usually insecurity isn’t the reason for that though.
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Peyso who likes his burritos con queso Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
The problem isnt with Bey’s actual words or songs, it is with the reaction that those songs induce. Bey was being all metaphorical but you mean to tell me that every single woman who waved their hands in my face with their ring finger up just broke up and I recouping. Bovine excrement
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
OMG…I’m biggity back from our company’s x-mas luncheon, so I’m a lil nicer than I was this morning…but my opinion has not and will not change- I hate that song!!
Slim-Pummelpalooza ROFL!!!!
ife1love-I’m sorry you were in a relationship where the dude wasn’t being upfront with you. But I hope you came to realize that you never lost your swagger in the first place & that you do not need male attention to validate your swagger
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ife1love Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Girl I was young and insecure but I grew up to realize him being gone was the best thing ever. He was blocking my light. I definitely don’t need male attention to validate my swagger… it’s a just byproduct of it
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JG* Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
BUt this is on point. Her whole album is contradictory. Her career is. Independent women to Video Phone. “Boy you cute and you ballin…..let you tape me on your video phone”
Girl stop. LOL
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ChokLitFacory Reply:
December 18th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Why do people always take simple club diddies and break down the lyrics word for word to get into their favourite singer’s head(s). Ya’ll know the Dream wrote that song, right? And its just a song!! I don’t think anyone is supposed to take it THAT seriously…
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Can we take a second to address the cunning and sly foxes out there? The chicks who lay out a road map and leave dude with little choice but to wife up and shackle down? That elaborate grand scheme that can be dodged for years but ends up with the same result?
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I have a (ex) friend with more wedding proposals and marriages than a little bit. I don’t know what voodoo she be putting on these menses but it ain’t right…
Plus NOT one has turned out to be a successful union
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RightCoastLex Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Nikki…it’s called “sweat rice”. Woman cooks up some food, makes sure she sweats in it, feeds him and he’s a wrap. Old Caribbean legend.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Yea, let’s talk about it. Why did he allow himself to continue in the trap, again? Did we talk about that? “Little choice”? Puhleease. As dumb as some men act, y’all aint that dumb. He saw the trap and still dove in, head first
pause.Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
“He saw the trap and still dove in, head first pause”
Some would say the “power of the P.U. (finish the rest.) LOL
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ife1love Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Little choice?…
Women can’t MAKE men commit. The men you’re talking about weren’t “trapped” they decided they’d rather commit than be alone. They were in a position where they don’t wanna be without her, but don’t want to commit to being with her and somehow the woman is the bad guy!?!?! I need men to grow a pair and stop with all of this “cake and eat it too” nonsense. If a woman is pressuring you to commit and you don’t want to then bounce. Simple as that.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Well gee…someone is fired up today! I don’t think it has to be an issue of not wanting to be alone. Most of us are too young to be shivering in bed all cold and lonely with a stray tear trickling toward the pillow. I don’t think this necessarily makes the woman the bad person. I kinda admire the ability to set a long term plan and then watch all the pieces (pause) fall in place.lol. If all this relationship ish was cut and dry, there wouldn’t be that many blogs out there. Geez!lol.
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ife1love Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
You’re right Slim I am fired up! LOL. Maybe it’s because one of my boys called me yesterday talking about “so I need your help… all the women I’ve been talking to are starting to want more, and hint at commitment and you know I don’t believe in relationships, so I need your help… tell me what to do so that I can put that off and avoid the commitment thing without loosing the women” I wanted to hang up on him. Then this post pops up this morning, so yeah, I’m coming out swinging today. I’m just fed up with the BS.
I’m not talking alone in the Maxwell, curled up under the bed holding her stiletto kinda way. What I’m talking about is it’s nice to know you have someone who will bring you soup when you’re sick, or you can give the “pumpington lite” to and have it be ok, or just a default “there for you” person and so most men would prefer to commit then be out there w/o a safety net so to speak.
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A very well written post.
Don’t worry Lex, I watched the show too. Haven’t seen the movie yet but I’m sure I will one day.
I was in a situation where I was with someone that pressured me to “seal the deal” and get married. We were together for four years and each year she kept giving me the ultimatum talk. The “better do it soon cause I don’t know how much longer I’ll stick around” talk.
Meanwhile I gave her everything she wanted but she couldn’t give me the one thing I wanted, communication.
In the end she left and I’m better for it.
(some) Women today let other outside factors mess up what they have. They listen to the wrong people or let the media influence them on how life should be. I say forget it all, look at that family member that is married and raised children and has the full life, and they will tell you that the relationship is a give-give thing and that there WILL be hard times.
B does her thing, she makes money. But I lost all respect for her when I heard her do an interview for the theme for the Pink Panther movie (check up on it). She said it was something that she just threw together and didn’t think anyone would like it. She said she didn’t really like it herself, but it caught on. As a consumer, I would hope and believe that an artist is putting forth their best effort, not just throwing something out there and hoping it catches on.
Ladies (and some men) don’ t fall for this foolery.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
“Meanwhile I gave her everything she wanted but she couldn’t give me the one thing I wanted, communication.”
I’ve sung that tune too many times.lol.
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I don’t blame women for getting hype to that song. I look at it like usher’s “you don’t have to call” . Same way dudes all could relate to that (even the coldest playa had one girl he had to get over) all women can relate to that ring song. With that said, the commitment thing is tricky. I blame dudes who are too scared to get exactly what they want. If a woman is pressuring you into a commitment, that means that you obviously aren’t ready. If you were ready, there would be no need for pressure. If you were certain she was the right one, the decision wouldn’t be a hard one. Better to let her go and find the right one than keep dragging things out. Women do it too. They’ll keep a guy around that’s wack in the sack, or doesn’t massage their mind in the right way just because they’re afraid they can’t find something better. I guess it’s called “settling” down for a reason.
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RightCoastLex Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
I listen to you dont have to call in shower!
Situations will arise
In our lives
But U got to be smart about it
Celebrations with the guys
I sacrified (Sacrifice damn it)
‘Cause I knew U could not sleep without it (at all)
Meanwhile I…
I loved U ( I LOVED U DAMN IT!!!)
U were my girl (MY GIRL!)
U see I…
Thought the world of U
But you’re still leavin’ baby
Should’ve been more smart about it
Should’ve cherished me
Listenin’ to friends, now it’s the end (Now you man-less like them)
And again
No story can end without it
Damn right I loved U (I LOVED U DAMN ITTTT!!!)
You were my girl
U see I…
Thought the world of U
But you’re still leavin’ baby
Gonna boogie tonight
‘Cause I’m honestly too young of a guy (Seattle’s point)
To stay home
Waitin for love
So tonight
I’m gonna do what a single man does
And that’s party
**Pause for admitting I listen to a man sing while I shower.
***TMI for speaking on my shower activity.
But ladies, imagine the wet Steele…
Fellas, disregard.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
I love this song!
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Okay, before I begin let me put my biases out there. I am a Beyonce stan. I HATED Destiny’s Child, I also don’t like this new Sasha Fierce album… it was wack.
That being said, I think B is getting a bum wrap. First I need men to start actually listening to songs and stop putting things in the lyrics that aren’t there…
Let’s start with Bills, Bills, Bills…
The song is about a man who is spending all of HER money!!!
NOT about her spending his!!!!
Verse 1:
At first we started out real cool,
Taking me places i ain’t never been
But now your getting comfortable
Ain’t doing those things that you did no more
Your slowly makin me pay for things
Your money should be handling
And now you ask to use my car
Drive it all day and don’t fill up the tank
And you have the audacity
To even come and step to me
And ask to hold some money from me
Until you get your check next week
Verse 2:
now you been maxing out my card
give me bad credit,buying gifts with my own ends
haven’t paid the first bill
but you steady heading to the mall
going on shopping sprees
peprpetrating to your friends that you be ballin’
and then you use my cell phone
callin who ever that you think at home
and when the bill comes all of a sudden you be acting dumb
don’t know where none of these calls come from
when your mamma’s numbers here more than once
Are we all clear now?!?!
I don’t even like Destiny’s Child, or the song for that matter (cause they played it so much it annoyed me) but this whole “women want you to pay their bills thing” is based on nothing more than people hearing what they want to hear and protesting a song that they don’t even know the words to (typical male behavior).
Okay, now let’s address Single Ladies…
First off, all the tangy youths, and hotghettomesses have ruined the song for me, but there was a time when I liked it, for the following reasons:
1) Beyonce is a bad bitch – I don’t care what you say, she looks fantastic in the video (B, keep holding it down for girls w/ big knees!).
2) Men love to pee on women… no R. Kelly. They are the biggest cock blockers in the world, especially when it comes to women they AREN’T dating and didn’t want to commit to. I’ve had plenty of situations where men I used to kick it to have showed their ass when they saw me talking to someone else. “If you don’t want to date me then why you man?”=If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.
Now… moving along to Two Can Play at That Game… 50 doesn’t support Aunt Viv and neither should you. I hated that move when it came out and I will say a special prayer for Lex’s soul that it might rise like Lazarus after seeing the sequel to that terribleness.
Let’s clear-up Sex and the City…
The moral/point/issue in the movie was that Carrie AND Big let her friends, the outside world and their bullshit effect their relationship. Carrie didn’t want to get married until the world kept telling her in one way or another “there’s something wrong about your relationship if you’re not married”. She also didn’t start out a bridezilla… if you recall from the beginning of the movie, Carrie planned a small simple wedding. The Vogue shoot brought out her inner child who was brainwashed by Disney and send her into bridal overload. Big let Miranda’s sour ass stoke his insecurities. He also should have opened his mouth earlier about how he was feeling. In addition you’re gonna trip because you couldn’t reach me on MY cell, however you clearly could have called any of the FIVE OR SIX people you KNEW were around me and also had cell phones before you decided to bail on the wedding… asshole!
In closing, just to be clear, I agree that people should be pressured into commitment, I just completely disagree with all of the “evidence” that Mr. Steele has presented.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
AMEN.
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I said it before I will say it again. Disney is the devil
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JG* Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Now I will agree that the video was fun and I loved it. LOL
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CVal Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
I just want to comment that with “Bills, Bills, Bills” it is really the song that guys are protesting. Its the reaction alot of women gave to the song. All I heard all around me was women yelling “Can you pay my bills!?!?” They weren’t paying attention to the context, it was just an excuse to call dudes deadbeats without giving a brother a chance.
I don’t pay your bills, and even if I can, I sure as hell won’t after hearing you quote that song.
My point is, the songs and subsequent male bashing do nothing but push us dudes to not want to have anything to do with commitment.
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ife1love Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
I can’t call it. I’ve never been a woman to expect a man to pay my bills and I don’t have any friends who have that expectation so I can’t speak on the women around you.
My main issue is that I keep feeling the backlash from male bashing songs when to me the songs weren’t saying anything outrageous so I don’t see why men keep gettin all in their feelings about it. Especially the men who were still in high school when the damn songs came out. **I’m sorry your girlfriend from 9 years ago was trying to pressure you into spending your hard earned Foot Locker paycheck so she could get a fullset instead of a fill-in (only the women got that), but what does that have to do with how we’ve been dating for 10 months but you’re just not comfortable coming to family events with me cause your not ready to “commit”?
**(not a true story, just an example of the foolishness)
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RightCoastLex Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
First off…he already told her how he felt. He clearly told her from jump he wanted a small wedding, and if I’m not mistaken he actually said he’d rather just hit a justice of the peace on the way to the JFK for the honeymoon.
Miranda is just a testament to how women’s friends F&&(# everything up for them. …with her bushy ass playground. Grass blades are sharp, meng…
And the hell would he want to call the rest of her sour ass friends after one already had him twisted? If I had a choice of calling the whore, the dimwit or sourpuss, I’d just keep pushing til my woman picked up. And in reality the only reason she didnt pick up is because she was clearly already getting drunk off the wedding crap. He clearly still wanted to go thru with it, or he wouldnt have been sitting outside!
Ife…we now have beef that will stand for one week.
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Ok, folks are starting to get all rowdy and questions are flying about men’s commitment issues so I’ll do my best to break it down.
In this case, we are talking less about gender roles and more about roles of the pursuer and the pursued. It just happens to be that a lot of times women are pursuing men for more of a commitment while men are content with what they have going now.
Like someone else mentioned, you guys are bred from birth to want to get married. It’s in your TV shows, toys and bed sheets (in more ways than one). Guys, on the other hand, grow up watching Masters of the Universe, Transformers and/or Voltron and in turn up want to have adventures, i.e. freedom.
So in essence you’re taking away our childhood dreams while attempting to live out your own.
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CVal Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Hear, hear!
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Brooklyn's Own Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
CHUUCCCHHH!
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
WORD!!…………And thats the Truth Ruth!!
Peace in Bahgdad (watch your shoes)
-BBW
“I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others…”
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moody.bitch Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
“So in essence you’re taking away our childhood dreams while attempting to live out your own.”
Well, wait now. How’s that only on the women? If a man would rather date/shack up with a woman for years and years without ever making it official, isn’t he also taking away her childhood dreams while attempting to live out his own?
Goes both ways from what I see.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Guess we’ll need to find the essence of every relationship – compromise.
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RightCoastLex Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
eh…you’re just moody…
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moody.bitch Reply:
December 23rd, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Well, yes, I am moody, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
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Southern Belle Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
You all are getting a little too hyped, and I’ve come to silence this here male banter. I’m sorry
mostmen would like to have their cake and eat it too. All women cannot serve as a means to an end in the forever service of your freedom, our commitment is a freedom of its own. Men can’t avoid exclusivity (ie, wife-ing a woman) just because they have grown comfortable with the convenience of an informal relationship, it’s not fair to the woman who feels she deserves more. Domestic partnerships (as they are called in their informality) reach a point where they either fizzle out or need to be harnessed. Some women put the pressure on to get a ring or something of the sort, while others place options on the table and agree to leave in peace if there is an inability to find common ground. You’re kind of like a stock. You’re no good to me if you plateau because my money’s locked. You could go up or down any day, but judging by your complacency it would behoove me not to wait around. At least if you were plummeting then I’d kick you to the curb before you can hollow out even more of myheartpocket. However, if you were skyrocketing then I could lay down, relax my tight pocket, slip out of the armor and in to silk, and… invest . I’d walk away content because the return on my investment was worth all the risk.Don’t be mad that a woman wants more, give it if you can, don’t if you won’t. Accept the fact that you “might win some, but you just lost one” and keep it moving. I’m sorry that some of us women hold you in such high esteem that we’d like to be more than just the ‘side chick’ after some time, but if you’re not feeling it, that’s cool. “I can’t make you love me if your heart says no…” but don’t linger, please move because you’re in the way of my life. Personally my childhood dream was to be happy, as I think everyone’s was. If I grew out of the happiness found in Treasure Trolls and in to that of Love, while you’re still stuck wanting to be Bumble Bee (my fav. Transformer) and a complete pain in my ass, DEUCES!Reply
ife1love Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I am doing a virtual praise dance… PREACH!
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Southern Belle Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
There was a little too much testosterone in this space, can’t have all that.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Speaking of the testosterone in this space, that will be balanced out tomorrow. Reader appreciation day and ish.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Some folks find happiness in being Masters of the Universe without the titles, other folks need structure. But you said it best. If dude wants a She-Ra to his He Man he’ll make it happen. Otherwise, we’re off to save another day and run in another castle or two. No harm, no foul on our parts either.
Thing is, like most one sided stories, you all forget that women linger as well…
And sorry to offend ladies, I was just trying to give a lifeline to my brethren out there drowning in estrogen while I was taking a quick break. Now it’s back to work. Have to make sure my stock continues to increase.
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RightCoastLex Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
**cracks fingers, lights cigarette…”
Ms. Belle,
Like my man said, we are the microwave generation. First off, bit of advice. Leave stocks alone, invest in bonds. Less volatility, much more stable, better ROI. I’m up a good 20g’s this month…God Bless America. But it sounds like you are buying stock at 60 on tuesday and want to sell for 300 on thursday. Not going to happen. You gotta let that money grow. Stop thinking about today, think about your retirement and future generations. (Going to go ahead and shoot down the rebuttal I know is coming…”yea, but I dont want to get married at retirement age…blah, blah, blah…) If we are in a committed relationship and even entertaining marriage talk, you clearly aren’t the side piece, so come down off of your first pony for a sec.
“I can’t make you love me if your heart says no…” but don’t linger, please move because you’re in the way of my life.
How am I in the way of your life, if I’m supposed to BE your life? Man….
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Southern Belle Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Bonds are for safety, I rock with options to have more leverage and mobile control over my money. When you’re on the side of writing contracts, being in the market is a much sweeter (and stable) deal. The way option contracts work are on a time limit basis, I’m sure you’re well acquainted. As the seller, I’ll establish a put on a x amount of options to be purchased if the price of the stock strikes at y by date z. I’m just that type of girl. Way too much going on in my life to be feeling out the [e]motions of a stock daily; I like the ability to do my research, make an educated prediction, write a contract, and walk away with my prize. You can rarely go wrong with bonds, but bonds are for the complacent who have time on their hands. I don’t have the time, or the energy really, to watch something grow past 2 years. I’m absolutely confident that one can gauge whether or not a partner is a keeper within the first three months or less. Bonds grow over years, with options all you need is three months–I don’t play, options is where it’s at.
“I can’t make you love me if your heart says no…” but don’t linger, please move because you’re in the way of my life.
You’re in the way of my life because it has been established that you’re cool just coastin’ while I want some exclusivity. We’re clearly not on the same page, so please move while I go get my mingle on with the next candidate. You could have been my life, but you didn’t want to take that step. Excuse me while I extend the role elsewhere.
PS–I’m not even of marriage age, and I def don’t want to be a wife (or mom) any time soon. I’m talking about real, mature, faithful commitment. We can’t even get that far, so forget about me us sharing a bank account and car insurance. YOU ALL (since that’s the term we’re working with) are making this in to a bigger deal than it really is ( typical.
PPS–Kudos on the writing, Lex.
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i would have to echo nicki’s sentiments… funny as hell and very well written…
and sadly, i’m in firm agreement with you as far as the pressuring that women do on men to “put a ring on it”. btw, i HATE that song along with those other stupid women’s anthems. i mean, honestly, what are women thinking by getting hype to this shit?!?!? who in the hell wants to “put on a ring on it” when women are thinking these men aren’t “irreplaceable”? and then next thing you know, women are “smashing windows out your doors” and other crazy shit?!?!?
(sorry… i’m apparently passionate about this stupidity)
i digress… and on to my next point… women aren’t the only ones that are tryna settle down and start babymaking. i have personally borne witness to too many men trying to settle me down. hell, i’ve been engaged 4 times (not to compete with a certain someone’s ex) and none of that shit was done by my pressuring and i was the one breaking things off!!! so it’s not just the ladies out there… your bruthas are tryna get things poppin too!
excellent post… sorry about the passion…lol
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The song is just a slice of what it is to be young and dating in todays world. I cant see why some guys get flustered by the song..yet I can see why it gets annoying and perhaps thats what the song really is at this point. I dont hate nor like the song, I see it for what it is. We are a microwave generation, we applaud the fraud and boo the real. Materialistic and wanting things yesterday no wonder our relationships are flaky. They are based on some real modern day bullshit. We geek for the things that dont speak on character. Not surprising they fall apart or are at such wild extremes. I am 32 and have only two married friends. Some of the things our parents said were true, the milk has been FREE all my (our) life so all of sudden I gotta buy the cow? Cant be mad when the scorpion stings.
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JG* Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Preach on it! We applaud the fraud. Here in ATL it’s like everyone is fake as hell. And they are the ones in relationships. Get the hell outta here with that ish.
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temps Reply:
December 18th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Exactly! If you only geeking cuz He/She got the Car and House+Career and pre-req background then dont complain. I hear this from both sides. Well then what does one measure character by? How will you know how one will act in adversity if you are drooling over their Jersey Shore getaway pad? Also why do we link “stuff” and achievement as if it makes one good?
Some of the biggest theives wear thousand dollar suits… Maddoff anyone?
Last as we age shit will and has for some of us hit the fan. Parents who are terminally ill, I have friends who fam members who have terrible diseases and such…so maybe I (us) am stressed and busy for far more reasons than just trying to be distant and aloof..of course asking me would help that is if you really wanna hear the reality of life. We all wanna live in a life full of peaks, no struggle-some hard work and boom! ALL adversity is gone especially after we get the nice corporate job…cant go wrong!
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One more thing
http://www.zshare.net/audio
…not sure if this we will work but if it does…..
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LMAO. I just stumbled on this trying to delay my studying.
I don’t think anyone should take Beyonce’s music that seriously. This is hilarious though. Men get so upset with “put a ring on it” and it is so funny.
If you don’t want to marry someone, then don’t. It’s simple. I don’t get it. Why be unhappy to please someone else?
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::clears throat:: I absolutely agree with you Right Coast…as hard as that is to say. I think Beyonce and her anthem-like songs are ridiculous, especially for a woman with any maturity. I think the song (especially coming from her) is ridiculous, and ill advised. And I think women need look and realize…he probably didn’t like it, that’s why there is no ring on it. Or you acted crazy and put OD pressure where there didn’t need to be any. Sheesh.
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moody.bitch Reply:
December 23rd, 2008 at 1:26 pm
If he didn’t put a ring on it ’cause he didn’t like it, then he shouldn’t be getting all worked up ’cause some other man is digging on it now (which is what is apparently happening in the song).
Men do that crap all the time: they don’t want ya, but the minute they realize some other guy *does*, their competitive ego kicks in.
All Beyonce is saying is, if you liked me so much, you should have done something to ensure you could keep me all to yourself; not let me get away and then freak out because I’ve gone and found another man who does want me.
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I’m glad it wasnt just me with the super Beyonce hatred. i called her the new leader of the feminist movement, becuase there is no other single female voice that is as influental. F*cking shame!
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