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Role Model? I Already Got a Day Job.
**The recent violence in Chicago got me thinkin’ about the youth and their recklessness. I started to get frustrated and then remembered the saying “If you’re not a part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.” I started to write a post about being a role model, then remembered I had written one 6 months back for SBM.net. I think what I wrote then is more relevant now than ever. I guess I’m in limbo between the solution and problem. Check this post out to see why.**
How Could I Help These Kids?
Yesterday morning I was at my gym with sleep in my eyes handling some administrative affairs at the front desk. I had a terrible case of the Mondays, and this “illness” was intensified by the fact that my job is like a 5-7 minute walk from my gym. The printer wasn’t working at the desk and the dude trying to “assist” me had a look of confusion that closely resembled that of the people known for walking in front of cars or lacking the ability to drive effectively under any circumstance (If you don’t know, ask somebody). Needless to say, my ability to keep my cool was deteriorating and then I heard exactly what I didn’t wanna hear in the morning on the way to work when I’m surrounded by white folks:
“Yall n*ggas is wildin. Yo Jamal, stop f*ckin playin. I’m bout to punch you in the face n*gga”.
I cringed like fingernails were being dragged across a chalk board. With steam erupting from my ears, I turned around and noticed it was a group of 5-6 black youth. For the purpose of this post, I will define youth as 17 and under. I don’t care if Greg Oden looks older than the oldest NBA player and is like 18. The average high school kid is…well…young.
After taking a look at each of the lads, I turned back around to deal with the front desk person. He was a 20 something white dude that I had interacted with on multiple occasions. He awkwardly smiled like he didn’t hear what was going on, but I could tell that he was pretty uncomfortable. I looked back at him as to convey “Yeah buddy. Believe it or not, I’m uncomfortable too.” Coincidentally, his boss appeared as the number of N-bombs being dropped climbed toward 30. I’m not sure if dude pressed a button under his desk that said “rough black guys alert” or if he just saw a clutter of people at the desk and wanted to offer assistance. Either way, I think his timing was impeccable. He didn’t look concerned or nervous. He addressed them as he would address me or any of the gyms regular white patrons. I appreciated it, but at the same time I felt a little awkward and embarrassed. Here I am in a suit with some stylish specs looking like an urban professional, and next to me are dudes that look like me physically but appear to be cut from a different cloth.
As a up and coming adult film star Black male, I hate these situations. Whether it’s on the subway/metro, a bus, or at a public venue, I hate feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know that I’m not far removed from where the youth came from or where they are currently. I hung out with dudes like this. I’ve dropped my fair share of n-bombs and still occasionally do in private. I still associate with folks who don’t know when to turn it down. Then again, I guess that’s just them being them and I’m used to it. But when it comes to young Black/minority folks, I struggle a bit.
There have been so many situations where I wanted to be like “Yall need to chill out” or “Let the lady have the seat”, but I didn’t feel like gettin’ caught up in the mess. I remember when I used to be out with friends (A term that I don’t use loosely) and they would just tell someone “f*ck off” or “mind your own business”. I don’t respond too kindly to such words being said to me, so I usually opt to say nothin’ and tune them out all together before I become the Abominable Black Man. Even if I turn up the ipod, I can still see what’s going on and still feel compelled to take some type of action. In my mind, I’m supposed to be a role model of sorts. And I’m not just supposed to be one because it’s in the beliefs of my Fraternity or because I graduated college. It’s just the right thing to do. But unfortunately, I also know that sitting there in a suit isn’t enough to change a life. I also know that chiming in when youth are “expressing themselves” or bein’ blatantly disrespectful is gonna just leave me in a tougher spot than I started more times than not. *Sigh*
What situations have you run into recently or in the past where you had to make a decision to curb the youth’s enthusiasm or just let them do what they do? How do folks feel about being able to step in and stop reckless behavior like violence without becoming a victim of it? Other thoughts on checkin’ outta control teens?
I can only do so much without losing my cool,
112 Responses to “Role Model? I Already Got a Day Job.”
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So I’m in Chipotle the other day out here in the burbs trying to get my burrito bowl salad with corn salsa on. I am well dressed, I am polite, I am pleasantly carrying on about my business. In front of me are some “urban youth” around 15-16 years of age just loud. “B*, yain’t gonna give me more meat than dat?!” “N*, where’s my guacamole?” “Yo Deezy, who payin’ for all dis!” “F* dat, somebody better break out dey mf wallet.”
The white folks around me are visibly tense, the hispanic folks behind the counter are giving each other the “these n*” side-eye and then they start looking at me. As if I have to be the Black Mediator up in here. I ignored it until one of the kids was jostling around and almost knocked over this elderly woman who fell backwards into me and knocked my keys and wallet out of my hand.
I snapped, “Hold up! You- go stand over there while this lady gets her food. You- pick up my keys and all of you need to act like you have some sense.” The whole place went silent as the kids did what I told them muttering, “Sorry ma’am.”
The manager thanked me and I gave him a look like, “Isn’t it YOUR job to keep it civil?” He looked back at me like, “Hell naw.”
Thankfully these kids did not push back since really I had no plan beyond shutting them up for a minute. Not sure what I would’ve done if they didn’t appreciate my interference and truthfully, most of the time I would have kept my mouth shut and my head down. Eff a role model, I’m not catching a beatdown over a burrito bowl, no matter how delicious they are.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 8:55 am
1st thing…I love Chipotle.
2nd thing…This sounds like one of the situations where I would have actually spazzed. Knockin’ over an elderly person? Really? I just wonder if I would have gotten that same response from these kids.
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ASmith Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:09 am
If you had said what OneChele said, you would not have gotten the same response; they would’ve felt threatened because you’re a black man. However, you probably could’ve said something else to illicit an even more calm response from them — maybe even before they knocked the poor lady over.
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ASmith Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:08 am
I REALLY wanted Chipotle last night. ::nom nom::
Chele… you be snappin first and thinking later and I want you to know how much I appreciate it, I really do, just… don’t get hurt.
Ol’ boy tryna steal your car, unruly kids knocking over the elderly… you gets it in. LOL.
Meanwhile, I wonder what the difference in region has to do with it. Unruly-kick-your-ass-for-no-reason kids are everywhere, but I wonder how likely OneChele’s situation is to happen in, say, DC or NYC rather than Dallas or Atlanta…
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:17 am
WTF is up with the manager just looking at you with blank eyes???? Didn’t he feel some kind of way that a woman did what the MAN should have done? Step up?
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*Sigh*
My last job was in close proximity to a DC high school. I also live two blocks from one, so on a daily basis I am frequently confronted with
little muthaf*ckerskids who don’t know how to act. Sometimes I just ignore them, but sometimes I feel the need to say something. I think it comes from my brief stint as a substitute teacher. Once you get used to putting other people’s children in check, it’s hard stop.One morning I was on Metro, tired as hell, and just not in the mood. As my train arrived at my stop I see these kids getting off the train on the other side of the platform.
They get off the train and start running along side of it, beating on the window and just acting a fool. The then proceeded to bumrush the exit by the elevator. This train stop has a particularly long escalator so most people use the elevator. Every morning we squeeze in the small area outside of the exit gate and take turns piling in the elevator.
So this morning these a$$holes run up super loud. They jump in front of a woman in a stroller and a chick in a motorized wheelchair. They’re extra rowdy. The girls are being fresh and loud cussin at each other, cussin out the boys, laughing way too hard and just being HOOD.
“Oh my goodness, that bitch is tacky, ewwwww, why does is smell like s#it down here I hate effin metro. Where is EEERRRIC at, ERRRRICK!?!? Where was you yesterday? That girl is NOT cute. Oh My Goahd! I was about to kick this b*tches ass yes-ta-day. Why is effin elevata take so long.”
…Soon as the elevator opens they all rush in and push everyone else out the way… I just couldn’t take it.
These kids were not “hood” in any stretch of the imagination. My stop is the last one in DC. I’m coming from the direction of the hood and I live in the rap hood, not the hood hood, these kids were coming from the direction of the Barney’s Co-op and Neiman Marcus. They were kids from good homes who were just frontin like their hood cause they think it’s cute.
They all crowded in the elevator laughing at the disabled person. The woman w/ the stroller just looked helpless and all the other 2520s just stood there looking intimidated so I stepped in.
I held the door of the elevator, put on my angry teacher face and just started in:
“What the hell is wrong with you!… Yes, YOU! ALL OF YOU! Actin like you don’t have any damn sense. Don’t look at me like that, you saw this lady and the woman in the wheel chair, GET OFF THE ELEVATOR!”
So of course they all gave me the “who me” baby-seal-eyed stare. All their talk bravado faded away and it was like I was yelling at my 2nd graders.
They got off the elevator, then the chick with the stroller just looked at me shocked. I had to give her the “bitch get on the elevator” look. She and all the other 2520s got on and I stayed to continue my lecture to the black youth.
When the next elevator came I let them get on and I stayed back to calm my nerves and center myself before I ventured on to my office.
I hate effin kids!
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insomN.I.A. Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 7:46 am
You know, I think “hood” is more of a mentality instead of an actual location. A lot of people and children outside of what we would consider the hood has this “hood” mentality that celebrates and supports uncouth and just blatantly disrespectful behavior.
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ASmith Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:12 am
I agree.
And it’s ironic to me how kids in the ‘hood wanna get out and the kids who live in the ‘burbs wanna be like the kids from the ‘hood. Doesn’t make any sense.
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ASmith Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:13 am
I just finished writing my personal statement for my grad school apps discussing how I want to work with teenagers…
Seems like every blog post I’ve read since then has me going “ummkay, do I really know what I’m about to get into?” I do, but whooo…. kids is bad as hell these days.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Love this story.. thanks for putting those little brats in their place!
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Club them baby seals!!!
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Sigh…I can’t fight off four ignorant big-breasted girls in triple fat goose coats. In some situations, I just turn away…not to ignore, but to pray. People are killed everyday over nonsense…it’s like, there’s got to be a genuine and tested sense of discernment for one to determine when to intervene and when to back off. All I ask of my spiritual people out there is just say a prayer before doing anything these days. That way, you’re covered…they’ll either decide to take your scolding and leave you alone, or you’ll be going to Heaven and not hell after all is said and done and they’ve taken your life away. I watched that video of Derrion Albert being beaten to death, and I honestly don’t think I would have said or done anything except called the police. Sometimes, people really just need to be smart about inserting themselves into situations. Even if I was just walking to the bus stop from school, there is no way in the world I would have been close enough to that crowd to get hit with ANYTHING, even if it was thrown.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 8:37 am
From what I heard Derrion Albert was only trying to break up the fight?
I know we LOVE to point the finger at the 2520 for our problems (they enslaved us, that is why we act this way..blah blah blah). But those were black fist and feet that stomped that poor boy to death…
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ASmith Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:17 am
But those were black fist and feet that stomped that poor boy to death…
And that’s all there is to that. Black folks have long been the #1 killer of other black folks. The longer we wait to quit blaming the 2520s and start asking ourselves what can we do for ourselves, ourselves, then maybe there will be no more Derrion Alberts…
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Co-sign.
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olivya23 Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Really? Break up the fight? If you saw a fight occurring would you A.) Walk up and see what’s happening and break up the fight OR B.) Run the opposite way.
I would choose B. What I’ve heard about the incident from someone who lives in the neighborhood is that this is all gang related. There were 2 rival high schools in the area and one converted into a selective military academy, sending a lot of the students to Fenger. When you put 2 rival schools and rival gangs in the same school things are bound to pop off. Supposedly Derrion had friends who were in one of the gangs which is why he was there in the first place…trying to ‘help out the homies’.
It’s all just really sad.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:31 am
I am not saying little old out of shape CHeeKZ could stop a full out riot. But if I see 4 on 1, I’m not going to let dude die. At some point homey could have put down the camera and blocked.
You run from shots.. you don’t run from a fight.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:32 am
And how do you predict whether or not shots will ring out?
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olivya23 Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
You can’t.
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I was taught to never run from a fight. I firmly believe that I can beat 4 16yo and I will feel this way for the next 3 years or so
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I don’t believe in running from fights, but fights aren’t what they used to be. You run the risk of being stabbed, sliced in the face, shot, or even arrested. If I were like 6’4 275-290 lbs (cough), I just might feel a bit differently.
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N.I.A. see's the writing on the wall.... Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Who taught you that, and why? Listen, I’m all for men flexing their muscles and protecting themselves and those around them. But, I firmly believe that if you can avoid a fight, you should do that. If those 16yo are carrying 2×4′s and bricks, and you don’t have a gun, I suggest you figure out something else. I don’t want to see video tape of a young black man in gold boots and a purple shirt getting his ass kicked by a group of boys b/c he thought he could take them….
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
i am licensed to transport in NY and PA. The judge jerked me in NY (pause).
A street melee, i’ll let go. One dude getting jumped, if i gotta get beat up a lil so that someone LIVES, i’m cool
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
can you get a license to carry without owning a gun?
After Plaxico, I’m thinking about getting a license just to avoid doing the bid if one of my knucklehead freinds get ME in trouble b/c HE is riding dirty.
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Yes u can get a license to transport which means you have to be transporting ur gun from one place to another. They can also set other restrictions on ur license like “Residence Only” or stuff like that
N.I.A. see's the writing on the wall.... Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
A street melee, i’ll let go. One dude getting jumped, if i gotta get beat up a lil so that someone LIVES, i’m cool
I applaud you for this sentiment. You’re a good dude.
I went to law school with guy who ran out of our cafe b/c he saw a homeless person approaching our table. This cat was sitting at a table with a group of us law school ladies, and instead of saying something about the homeless man approaching, he jumped up and bounced. So, I know if he ran from a homeless man who just wanted some change, he would probably never jump in a fight….
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I’ve broken up a few fights in my neighborhood, thought most of them involved girls…
Most recently, I was walking from the train and saw this chick going in (verbally) on this one poor girl, calling her all types of names and threatening to hit her. She said she just came over because she heard she had said she wanted to fight her. *sigh*
I explained to her how stupid that was, I yelled at the sidelines friend who stood there and watched this all go down. I made all of them go home and threatened to tell everybody’s momma.
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nyhoop Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Being a Black female, I would probably choose option C, and call the police. No way am I breaking it up. I live in Brownsville Brooklyn, so I know unnecessary wreckless behavior all too well. 5-0 has been everywhere tho, so honestly, when they do their job, they do it well and get on the block very quickly…
Depending on the ages of certain young lads, I will say something if they are acting unruly in a store or whatever, and they apologize. I just get mad in my head when they call me “ma’am.” I’m in my mid 20s!!! lol
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Last Friday, me and J went to the movies and these kids were so dayum loud in the movies… now normally, I don’t trip, but I guess they caught me on a pissed off point, so I got them.
Little bastards. We pay OUR grown ass hardworking money to see the movies, our parents didn’t pay for us.
WOOOSAH.
Anywho, I think it’s definitely a chance you take with correcting these kids.. some of them are ignorant and have no respect for themselves, let alone you. I can’t fault anyone for not doing it, but sometimes those kids just might catch me at a breaking point.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 8:38 am
I don’t see movies in black neighborhoods.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:09 am
Me neither- these were white kids. lol. We don’t have any movie theatres in the black neighborhood anymore- they kept getting shot up and what-nots.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:22 am
LOL.
Sunrise Multiplex – Green Acres Mall….
Shooting Ninja’s over smudge Jordans since 1988.
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Are the metal detectors still there?
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:00 am
I haven’t gone back to check. Visiting Green Acres is enough for me.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
I have no idea where this is but in my head I see Rivertown Mall or the Marlow Heights Theater (my PG County folks know of what I speak). I think hood theaters are all the same, no matter the hood.
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Reecie Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:42 am
I rarely see movies after 7pm. LOL. I can’t deal with crowded movies, and lots of talking–whether its from kids or adults.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:51 am
lol I rarely go to movies before 11PM. that midnight showing is always nice and empty.
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Reecie Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:03 am
sitting still that long that late would make me sleepy. I guess I’m an old lady. LOL matinees are more my thing.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Me too. lol.. I’m with Reecie.. normally I try to do a matinee.
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Streetztalk Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:46 am
anyone who goes to Sunrise to view movies must either have a deathwish or be Chuck Norris
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
DEAD at the Chuck Norris reference, Streetz
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ASmith Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:26 am
My friends and I went to a movie and happened to sit a few rows behind a huge group of guys who were obviously there to do everything BUT watch the movie. One of my friends got fed up and went and got a manager. After the movie, the guys confronted us, more specifically my friend, for telling… we were all sort of dumbfounded as to how they knew, but I noticed one of the employees who came in to “check” on the theater seemed awfully chummy with them, and though it was a manager who came in and told them to quiet down, I noted the employee spoke to them for an extended period shortly after — I guess he told who it was.
Anyway, I was with 2520 friends and they were obviously scared, so to ease us out I quickly instructed them to hush up and asked the ringleader if there was something he needed (in not so many words) — he smirked at me and walked off.
I resisted the urge to remind my friends that I had told them we shouldn’t go to that theater… lesson learned.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:28 am
There’s only one thing worse than checkin someone for acting up…and that’s snitching.
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ASmith Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:31 am
LOL. I told you, I was with 2520s… ::sigh::
I actually resisted the urge to say a lot of stuff. I knew they still wouldn’t get it. Had I known she was going to get a manager rather than the bathroom, like she said, I would’ve had to check her on it.
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N.I.A. see's the writing on the wall.... Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:48 am
you’re kidding right? hell, I say snitch on all of these little niglets. The only reason they continue to do shyt is b/c there aren’t any real consequences for their behavior, and people don’t want to be a “snitch”. Eff that. And the one’s who are really hard, wanting to beat people to death, terrorizing the neighborhood, send those asshats to Afghanistan to fight some Al Quaeda. Let’s see them swing those 2×4′s against some real weapons of mass destruction.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:40 am
I snitched in the theatre too.. that was the first resort. Then I had to say something. lol
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I haven’t had any recent experiences with snatching some kids up, but I have been temped. In addition to the fact that these are twice my size on average, one encounter with a “role model” isn’t enough. You telling a kid to get his act together and stop talking crazy on the street won’t do much to alter his attitude in a positive way. Consistent contact and mentoring is probably the best way to use our good talkin, well mannered, yet I-done-seen-and-lived-through some ish selves…
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 8:57 am
Good ‘ol social work Jenkins. It never fails.lol.
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Is it just me, or are most the people that are recounting stories of puttin kids in their place are women?
I think its an interesting point to note that as women, we have a lot more capacity to tell kids off bcuz these kids are usually raised by their mama or grandmama and don’t take well to male direction. Furthermore, *for the most part* a girl heathen will only pop off at the mouth; whereas the little nigglett boys might actually get violent, and they’re way *more likely* to get violent with men than women. Speaking purely on statistics.
I think about this a lot when this type of things happen to me. I tend to always say something just cuz I think its the right thing to do, especially when there are little kids around to witness this nonsense.
Now I don’t necessarily have to pull out the had snappin and finger waivin cuz I grew up a rich kid smack in the middle of the hood tendencies… Sometimes I just politely remind them that there are children around and to lower their voices. But if they snap at me when I was being nice… Let the choking begin!
But I would probably have a different POV if I were a man…
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 8:58 am
It’s still early boo…the dudes haven’t rolled through yet.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 8:59 am
I’d be curious to see what feedback will be like for the rest of the day. You also gotta bare in mind that most of people reading blogs like this are women, so naturally that’s probably going to be more of the perspective. I’m hoping some of my brethren share their stories/accounts of confronting the youth as well.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:11 am
This is a good point.. I do think that kids would buck back on a man faster than a woman.
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Reecie Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I agree. I think it depends on the group too. Boys respond nicer to women reprimand, and teenage girls just roll their eyes and might even cuss you out. Not sure if they treat men the same, but I doubt it. I think with me I don’t really say anything to girls because even though I’m very much a grown up, most of these young girls are taller/bigger than me and THINK I’m just as young as them. if its maybe one or two they might listen to you but 3 or more? oh no them mouthy heffas think they bad. I’ve seen it happen tooo many times.
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and1grad Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
“I think its an interesting point to note that as women, we have a lot more capacity to tell kids off bcuz these kids are usually raised by their mama or grandmama and don’t take well to male direction. Furthermore, *for the most part* a girl heathen will only pop off at the mouth; whereas the little nigglett boys might actually get violent, and they’re way *more likely* to get violent with men than women. Speaking purely on statistics.”
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. If I respond telling these crazy kids to turn it down a notch, I’m a threat. I think more often, a female response is seen more as maternal or disciplinary and is more likely to get a favorable response. Like mentioned, more kids are raised in a matriarchal household. Also, more women are teachers.
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I disagree. I do some mentoring and you’d b suprise how much the listen to men. Many of them have no father figures and subconsciously yearn for one. When you speak to kids w/ a firm respect as a black male they listen.
In a weird way that’s why so many ppl end up selling drugs but I digress….
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and1grad Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
But are you talking about an arena where the young people are looking to be mentored or just out & about? I agree in terms of things like school/community programs but just out on the street, I’m not so sure.
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I feel like a woman can get away with screaming at a child in the street. But a dude can get away with talking to a child in the street.
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At least once a week I get on the wrong car of the wrong train at the wrong time of day. I know it immediately because as soon as the doors close, the unruly youth go in — on each other, on individuals not there, the white people at the other end of the car. It’s ridiculous. I remember one morning I spent a good 30 mins on this wrongcar-wrongtrain-wrongtime with 3 14-15 yr olds who obviously wanted to know how many curse words you could string together in one coherent sentence. You can usually tell by their demeanor if speaking to them will get you shot (euphemism, there) or not; more often than not it seems to be the former.
One time, though, a white guy spoke up to these unruly kids. It was right after a really bad accident with the trains and so all the trains were crowded because of how they were having to run the trains. These kids piled on and proceeded to be the most obnoxious and loud people on the train, obviously wanting attention. I could tell the white guy standing next to me wanted to say something (they were standing almost directly in front of us), but I didn’t think he would. He finally instructed them to quiet down and be respectful. They didn’t stop, but one of them did start encouraging the others to shut up — as if he realized people could hear them and weren’t amused. I think speaking up would help more often than not, but I understand the hesitation not to.
I’ve been thinking to myself and talking to my friends about whether or not we were this way when we were younger. I’m sure we were obnoxious, but were we this bad??
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Hear me out. ….
I understand that black kids are bad. But part of it was a phase. I mean.. yall didn’t run the streets being bad, talking in movie theaters, doing chinese fire drills, stealing from the chinese deli up the street.
I spend alot of time in 2520 hoods (LI is odd like that), when I am food shopping (Momma CHeeKZ said the prices are better in THEIR neighborhoods) I see teenage 2520s acting ‘wild.’ Its not to the degree of that loud fat 16 yo black girl on the train, but they sit unruly, and laugh loudly about people, skateboard inside the store, and don’t move out the way when they are walking.
It seems kids at that age just want to test their limits and be socially bad. Make people feel uncomfortable and fight the man. Its not just our people. Kids are looking for attention and I can respect that. They provided some of the best memories of my teenage years.
Now I’m not crushing the idea that the kids from the Chicago Death Beating Videos need role models or an adult to step up and stop that HORROR from happening. I’m just saying we should upset the natural order to youth rebellion, just find a way to curb it.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 9:10 am
” I mean.. yall didn’t run the streets being bad, talking in movie theaters, doing chinese fire drills, stealing from the chinese deli up the street. ”
I never ever did this.. and I know it was because my mama put the right actions (read: FEAR) in me.
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:09 am
u rebelled sometime in your life, i’m almost willing to bet. it may not have been in childhood for u
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ASmith Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:14 am
All teens rebel.
Some do it outwardly and loudly in public places — e.g. they join gangs, modify their cars and bump their music as loud as possible (I was guilty of the latter); some do it at home — they don’t do what they’re told, don’t come home when they should, etc…
Some do it passively with the way they dress or the music they listen to or the friends they choose or the slang they use. (I rebelled with the music thing for a while… found some pretty sweet artists)
It’s a universal thing for teens to rebel, but the way some teens choose to do it, especially these days, is beyond obnoxious and teters into dangerous and deadly; it’s also, in those cases, not acceptable.
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N.I.A. see's the writing on the wall.... Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:20 am
I was a passive rebel with music and cursing. My parents ruled with an iron fist, and my mother had a quick backhand.
I did rebel outwardly against going to church. Not religion, but just the entire going to church thing, and why were we attending a church that seemed to support things (through silence) that we should be against. Yeah, my mother and I bumped heads many a Sunday morning.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:43 am
I did none of those things…. I didn’t rebel….
The worst I could say I’ve done is my smart mouth at home towards my mama but that isn’t the same thing, IMHO
Rebelling, in my opinion, is refusing to accept some authority.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Rebelling is one thing, being disrespectful is another. We’ve all done dumb stuff when we were kids because that’s what kids do. When I see kids running around being loud, acting a fool or talking to each other in the street – I just turn my iPod up and keep it moving.
It’s when the kids refuse to get up for an old lady or are running around yelling “nigga”, that’s when there’s a problem b.
And for the record, it doesn’t matter if these kids are yelling “nigga” if they’re around White folks or not. I still cringe when I hear it.
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:53 am
I think what kids lack today is decorum. They dont the time nor the place. When I was young we acted up on the train. We probably cursed and said n!99a this and that too. However, when there was a black women of my momma’s or grandma’s age i STFU. If someone had asked us to chill out for a lil bit, we did so with little argument.
I was commenting on another blog yesterday about how young people who have a certain feeling of entitlement and low self esteem at the same time. Its mind boggling.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:00 am
That’s exactly what it is man. I knew boundaries. I was still polite to adults even though I was acting an ass.
I said it once and I’ll say it again “The Children Are Not the Future” (c) The G.O.D.
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Dimples Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Seattle, I agree with you that disrespect and rebellion two totally different things. But one thing that urks me is when older men don’t get up for old ladies on the bus in NYC maybe they need a role model as well.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
if she strong enough to get on the bus .. the windbag is strong enough to stand.
Old people got dibs on the first four – eight seats on the bus, not the whole bus. Don’t come looking to me in seat ten for someone to give up a seat. You know how long my ride is on the N6?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
You know what. I’m going to have to agree with Cheekz on this one…sans calling older people windbags. Wrote a post a while ago on situations where I won’t give up my seat.
http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/seat/
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
” I mean.. yall didn’t run the streets being bad, talking in movie theaters, doing chinese fire drills, stealing from the chinese deli up the street. ”
Yes, I stole from the corner store and when I went to the movies I put my feet up on the seat in front of me, but I DID NOT act a fool in public. It’s just something that wasn’t done. I didn’t curse in front of adults, I might get loud if it was just me and my friends on the train or in the theater, but as soon as an adult came around… I was an angel.
The train in DC is a lot different than it is in NYC. Here there’s a certain level of decorum that’s expected. There is no entertainment in the Metro Rail system lol.
I used to think that I was just trippin thinking that these new yougins are out of control but now Metro has increased the police presence at stations to deal with they new “youth problem”. That never happened when I was younger. These kids are different.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I remember being able to go to the mall on the weekend and not having to show ID or be escorted by an adult after 4pm.lol. These kids nowadays can’t even do that cuz they be acting.
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
it sux to b a teen. You cant get into the mall before 3pm or after 4pm. that blows…
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N.I.A. see's the writing on the wall.... Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Last year, there was a gang fight at the mall on the other side of town b/t these groups of teens. Now, teenagers have to be accompanied by a 21+ adult after 5pm.
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I work in adolescent medicine and everyday I go into work is a struggle not to pull a grandmom on them. Yesterday, I’m trying to get this young lady’s paperwork together and her niglet brother walks in.
He’s knocking things over and yelling to me to hurry the eff up because he’s missing out on some “killer dome”. I keep helping his sister until he jumps over the counter and behind me and grabs my locs. No one else in the office does anything and at this point I couldn’t see anything but red and I punched him.
I think some people are in need of role models and some of this little bastards have the proper training and just want to act like asshole. The boy I explained above both parents are doctors at the university I work at and yet he still acts like that.
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N.I.A. see's the writing on the wall.... Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:04 am
See, things like this make me say eff the mentoring. These kids need to be
popped in the effing mouthdisciplined with a firm hand. And that is probably what he is missing at home. A lot of financially well off, professional people have bad kids b/c the parents spoil them,a nd don’t teach them discipline. SMH. I’m glad you punched that little niglet. That’s what his parents should be doing….Reply
Reecie Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:55 am
oh. I wouldve had his ass locked up. grabbed you by your locs? I’m glad you are okay…I wouldve punched him too. he’s lucky thats all you did.
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ladycakes Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:09 am
He was arrested when he regained consciousness and his parents were called which is how I found out what they did.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:14 am
PRESS FULL CHARGES!
Full Charges.
**mental note.. ladycakes has a mean left hook. Keep hands to self**
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and1grad Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Musta been a heckuva punch.
“My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable…”
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First off let me just say, great post. I’m an avid blogger. If I could earn the money I make as a nurse blogging, I would never have to look at another ass again. But since that’s pretty unrealistic, I spend most of my time in a pretty busy emergency room dressing wounds, giving medicines, suctioning trachs, cleaning up poop and puke, assisting the male docs with pelvic exams…ewww….etc. etc.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t shake my head at the plight of “my people”. I would feel safe in saying most of the ER patient’s we service (about 97%) are black.
Maybe it’s a lack of understanding about what warrants emergency care. Maybe it’s the sense if entitlement some think comes with a Medicaid card. Maybe my people truly have more emergencies than any other freakin’ ethnic group. I don’t know what the real cause is but all I know is most of the patients are black.
I watch and observe as they present with an assortment of different complaints – children dirty, head (not hair) ain’t combed, comb or afro pick stuck in the back of the head that ain’t combed. Oh Lord, I could go on for days.
Each case I handle differently. I whisper as I’m walking them to the room “You’re such a cute girl. Please take that comb out of the back of your head” or “I like your Spongebob house shoes but don’t wear them when you’re outside THE HOUSE!” or “Did you just tell your son “lil’ nigga, you betta sit down? Don’t use that word sweetie. How would you like if it the white doc walked in and said ‘what’s wrong with lil’ nigga today’….
The list goes on and on. I don’t know where we as a race of people dropped the ball. But it’s definitely been dropped. Maybe my little interjections on appropriate attire, hair care and burying the N-word once and for all will help the problem on some level.
Fact is we need as much help as we can get. Educate yourselves. Educate your kids. Educate your community. If we’re not part of the solution….we are the damn problem!
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N.I.A. see's the writing on the wall.... Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:13 am
I think it’s great that you use positive reinforecement with your patients. Because for some of them, that is all they really need, and the acting out is a result of having many negative influences in their lives. My sister was a teacher, and she used to check the kids for using the N-word, calling each other nappy headed, using the work “black” as an insult by constantly talking to them about how beautiful they are, and telling them there is nothing wrong with being black. Once, she told this little boy with a huge ‘fro that he had beautiful hair. And he told her that no one has ever said anything like that to him. Unfortunately, the parents of these kids took issue with her positive reinforcement. She is not longer teaching….
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:23 am
WHAT?!?!?
Did she say something that MAY have crossed the line? Why would you get mad at someone for telling you that you are beautiful?
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N.I.A. see's the writing on the wall.... Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 11:42 am
no, she didn’t cross the line. And it wasn’t that particular kid’s parents. Parents did not like it that she was checking their child’s behavior. So, they wouldn’t discipline them at home, and then they would send the kids to school and expect teachers to not check the BS at the door. smh.
Everything we’re talking about today starts at home.
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I have three stories all taking place on the NYC Subways. Twice on the 3 train and once on the G train. The first time was with three clearly homosexual teenagers. One of em was dressed in drag, the other was damn near a woman. (Braids down his bag, manneurisms of woman, the longest eye lashes I had ever seen) and the third IMHO was gay by association. They get on the train the same stop as me (Hoyt and Schermerhorn). When they get on their talking dumb loudly about another tranny who got jumped by Jamaicans and this b!tch this and this b!tch that, talkin about niggas on the DL & celebrities they wanna eff. It was embarrassing not cuz they were gay but b/c they were black youth talking w/ a complete lack of discretion. I had my iPod in so I tried to pay it no mind. A 2520 lady gets on the train and she has locks (LOLOL) and her locks graze the group as she sat down behind them. They go off on the wht girl talking about how hair looks like doo doo and her overall appearance. And it got to a point where she was about to cry. I stepped in and explained to them firmly, how no one made fun of them when they got on the train. No one mocked their appearance. No one stared or snickered. The one in drag who happened to be the smallest one switch from his high voice to a voice deep as shit and said “They aint effin with us cuz we’ll fcuk them up”. I laughed long and hard (pause) and said “try me”. They got off the train.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
*snap for the kids*
I can’t deal with about 95% of young black gay youth!!
Yeah I said it… GLBTA Ally Award in hand!
For most of my tangy children it’s a phase. They learn to accept themselves and are excited, and I understand that, but they get confused and start thinking that Out & Proud means they must be Loud & Obnoxious. This is why I only adopt GLBT children over the age of 23. Usually by then, they’ve gotten over themselves and they can just be w/o being extra.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Is it just me or are there a lot more young gays now then ever before? I don’t remember more than 1-2 dudes in my class being gay when I was younger. And even then it was more suspicions than anything else.
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ASmith Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Between it being slightly more acceptable to be gay (so folks are coming out younger) these days and the fact that gay is the new straight (meaning, some folks do it cause they wanna be different, let’s be for real — it’s unfortunate because it takes away from individuals who really are and struggle with it) it probably does seem to be more young gay folks.
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Another story actually didnt involve children. It was a grown man and a grown woman on the 3 train. Grown man gets on at 125th st sits down in a way where no one but a very skinny person could sit beside him. At 116th a real skinny woman gets on. she is looking for a seat and sees this one. She says excuse me. He doesnt move. She sits. he gets angry. Talkin about you could have said excuse me. She’s like i did. He’s like you aint got no respect and b!tch this and b!tch that. Here is where I catch the eye of another blk dude. We nod to each other. I think it was a silent agreement that if this sh!t popped we were gonna whip his arse. She’s a bit hood so she doesnt back down and she’s like n*99a u aint gonna do sh!t. I’m readin my paper but lookin over my paper to watch whats going on. He stands up like its about to pop. I tell him to sit down w/o lookin over my paper. He gets angry at me and asks me what am i goin to do about it. The other dude says “he may not do anything but i will”. He sat down and mumbled to himself the whole time
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ladycakes Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 10:51 am
It’s good to see people do the right thing. I don’t know how many times I got on the train in Chicago and almost got assaulted by children and grown people alike and no one said anything. That’s probably why my temper is the way it is.
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I have a couple of stories when I had to get up for an old lady because some hooligans wouldn’t or give some kid the angry eye because of his tomfoolery, but the one I remember is when my boys and I got checked.
I was out roaming the streets of Albany with my older frat bro and a good friend from Cuse and we stopped in some random grocery store to grab some stuff. My boy is going on about some b!tch or multiple b!tche$, I can’t remember. An older Black woman standing in line right behind us gets our attention and begins to have a dialogue with us about saying the word b!tch.
Of course my college educated friend took her up on it and proceeded to divulge why these women were b!tches and why his mom and sister weren’t. The Black woman did not seem pleased. I believe she politely asked us to not say that word, gave us the stank, disappointed Black mother eye, bid us a good day and told us to stay out of trouble.
I wonder if we didn’t look like college grads if she would’ve still struck up the conversation.
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I agree sometimes it is a phase. When I was a teen I used to cut up like hell, but by the time I graduated from high school I straightened up.
I’ve seen it all on NYC streets – all ethnicities acting a damn fool. So I don’t bat an eye when I see folks of any ethnicity getting out of hand in public. I like to see people get uncomfortable in ridiculous situations, so sometimes I smile at it.
As far as violence is concerned among our youth, I know for a FACT some of it can be stifled with mentoring. I mentor NY highschool kids through a program called iMentor.org (shamless plug) and by doing so I become a part of the solution (as corny as that sounds).
ps: if you live in the NY metro area look them up. they are in desperate need of volunteers.
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I haven’t seen or heard from the abominable black man in awhile…welcome back? I guess we’ve been seeing more of porn star slim these days?
With teens I pick and chose my battles. I get to sit front row and center with the adolescent nonsense because I have a kid sister whose brain has not fully developed, so I’m more used to handling these situations than someone who isn’t around teens all the time.
I look young so I often run into situations where a group of skinny jean wearing knuckleheads will try to holla and try all that disrespectful shit. Most of the time I ignore them but if it comes to a point where they are invading personal space I will smile calmly say that I’m a lot older than you think and I tell them that’s not how you address a lady. They will stare in awe with no reply, could be the approach? The fact that I am a female? Who knows
The other day I was almost bodied off the escalator by a skinny purple pantalon wearing freak w shoes bigger than his whole body and the maternal side of me surfaced “yall need to watch it”…I wasn’t rude, didn’t roll my eyes..just the tone…the foolishness came to a halt.
Take it back to when your parents told you once and you knew you didn’t have to tell them again.
I mean if kids are just being loud and im in a public place where you can be as loud as you want, I don’t usually trip..I want to get the hell out of there, but I keep my composure. I also try not to pay too much attention to kids acting up in stores or at the gym like the story if the child is not my care…but will if they get in my space.
I think as much as we don’t think we are role models- we are. Everything I do or say my sister absorbs like a sponge, although her listening skills and attention span would suggest different. I don’t think any other kid is different..they pay attention to everyone around them & they constantly test. But we don’t have to react and open our mouths in every situation to be considered a role model. I think i really answered any of the questions but uh those are my thoughts..good post!
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I have nothing to add here living where I do two dudes were killed in my projects over the weekend barely any (Linden and the other adjacent one Blvd Houses) news coverage .
Plus 2Pac on his “Me Against the World” lp did a track around the same nonsense in the same city.
Depending on when some of yall really got into hip hop the whole incident may be a new story or the details are now all forgotten.
But Robert “Yummie” Sandford (pls google it) was killed (btw he was 11) by gang members I think they thought or maybe he did “snitch” point is his killers were about his age or a few years young, I was 21. Same reaction now as then and I assume like then once the weekend hits NO ONE will do anything different come Monday even if over the weekend in one of those spots we love to be at something goes down, nothing I mean nothing stops young black ppl from gettin our party on and neither will this.
Carry on.
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I do feel that we are role models in the young black community. It’s a lot easier to check a kid/teen than an adult. When your talking to young ghetto black kids, you have to project your voice. Otherwise, they think you’re playing or you ain’t sh**. My mom taught me how to put bass in my voice when I’m serious. There is a different between bass and yelling. No yelling. You will only upset them more.
At a local mall in my city, they had to make a Parental Involvement program to ban anyone under 18 without a parent for coming into the mall. The young black ghetto kids scared the customers away. Very sad, I know. Now, they have more visitors because people feel it’s a safe environment for the whole family.
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For the record – We all sound real old right now. Never thought I’d see the day.
That is all.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
It’s okay Seattle… I’ve come to terms with it…
I was home from college one year during Thanksgiving break and was sitting at the computer at my dad’s house. His desk is right by the patio door. I saw this car driving lost through the neighborhood and then it stopped just up the street from my house by this two dudes who I’ve known since they were like 3 and 4yrs old. This couple asks them for directions and they start cussing at them yelling out “This is Seat Pleasant n*gga! You need to watch yo’ self” and all this foolishness…
Without thinking I snatched open the patio door and yelled “ANTHONY! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE YELLING AT!?!? GET IN THE HOUSE BEFORE I CALL YOUR GRANDMOTHER!”
It was like I was possessed… I shut the door, and then went walked downstairs in horror and confessed to my sister that I officially turned into one of the nosy old ladies we used to hate.
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I encounter this stuff on the reg. I live in inner city Boston and I hear young kids using the n word and being loud/carrying on. I find it to be both embarrassing and upsetting. As much as I would like to say something I don’t want to risk being shot or stabbed. The possibility of being assaulted is a VERY real possibility. If they put their hands on me or a loved one I would retaliate immediately and would have to suffer the consequences. I think for all the young people that we see acting up there are a lot of other kids doing the right thing we just aren’t hearing about it because it’s not deemed as being newsworthy.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Co-sign from Sir Slim. It is a very real possibility in the Boston streets.
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@Stephanie,
I have issue with you referring to black children as “young ghetto black kids” I find it offensive and it reminds me of comments I hear from some white people. I feel like you are judging them. What we need to do is to try and help these children in some way and not judge them. Also if you put to much “bass” in your voice when you talk to them you could get a beat down.
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Are they young? Are they in or from the ghetto? Are they black? Are they kids?
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dj Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
The answer to your questions is yes. But I would think that most black people would have issue with her referring to inner city black kids as “young ghetto black kids”. You can’t deny that there is a negative connation attached to this comment. Just because they are loud, use the n word a lot and don’t carry themselves in the right way doesn’t make them bad kids, just kids who might need a hand
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Quite frankily I dont care what most black people would have an issue with b/c most black people arent doing anything about fixing the problems we have. I use the term b/c quite frankily I was one of those kids.
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dj Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Well all my friends (various socioeconomic backgrounds and professions) would have issue with it and are doing something about it. The comment she made is negative and if you grew up in an urban environment and don’t have issue with it I think there’s a problem. I choose to live in the inner city versus some lily suburb (where there is no that looks like me) so that I can be around these kids, talk to them and show them that they can make it and be successful. What are you doing about it?
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
I’m in the hood everyday. The only place I have ever lived. I volunteer at multiple programs. I’m becoming involved with two up and coming programs called Prep Step (www.prepstep.org)and Reconstruct Art NYC (http://reconstructartny.org). I have been responsible for over 300 kids who wouldnt normally having the chance visiting schools in the last 4 years and I have the press clippings to back it up.
Its funny how must people who have a problem arent the people who wouldnt be called it anyway. I dont see it as a stigma. I see it as a changeable state of being. Its not a bad thing to be any of those things or even all of those things.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
hey hey hey… lets not start this “this is what I do for the community obey my opinion speech.”
I have come to the conclusion that most of the people here at threeways are part of the solution, not the problem. And represent the best in urban america. No need to get salty at each other, we just differ in opinion on how to fix the other 90%.
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Peyso Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
I’m usually not on that throw it in your face type of stuff. I get upset when people pu$$y foot around things. Are alot of kids young ghetto and black? Hell yeah. But if we see it as a bad thing, why should the 2520s and the kid themselves see themselves in a positiive light? I’m not gonna treat em like Voldemort
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Co-sign.
esp props for the Harry Potter reference. Bonus pts.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
If you beat down Steph for the Bass in her voice aren’t you living up to the ‘offensive term’ ghetto black kids??!
You know what my mom says: “some people are n!ggers”. She is my mom so she doesn’t express it well. But what she means is that the n word was used to label african american people as ignorant and lower than life. I’m watching this video of these kids stomping another black kid to death over what? only fake-jesus KNOWS. And you know what, those kids are n!ggers.
I know people are going to tell me about how they got to be that dangerous and violent… but that doesn’t change the point that they did what they did.
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Much respect on your involvement in the community.
I don’t think we should refer to our children as “young ghetto black kids” I’ve got kids and as they get older never will I refer to them as “young ghetto black kids”
Agree to disagree.
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