Sanctuary
As many of the folks who visit this site know, I’m not a holy holy church attendee. If you didn’t know that, you need to check out the post I wrote a few months ago about church/faith and the role it plays in a relationship. I was re-reading the post and comments to make sure I didn’t overlap on this one, and it was definitely one of the best dialogues ever on this website. That aside, I’ve been reflecting lately on the last few years and all of the things that have been going on or happened in my life. I’ve lost people close to me. I’ve taken a major hit financially by switching to a new job where promises made didn’t come to fruition. I’ve had passions snatched away. I’ve felt the wrath of a bitter bitter ex (still shuttering and traumatized). I’ve had a lot stuff happen to me that I honestly don’t think I deserved.
I find myself diving deeper and deeper into introspection as of late. I have a list in my head of all the things that have occurred and continued to occur that have created road blocks or obstacles. Ultimately, I’m not completely satisfied with where I’m at in my life at this point. And it seems like every time that I try to move toward optimism and get things going down a more desirable and fulfilling path, something goes wrong. This past week was one of the most frustrating weeks I’ve had in a while. Nothing truly terrible happened, but I found myself sitting at my work desk or on the train in a fog. And to get out of the fog, I’ve had to focus on my upcoming vacation and trips to the gym. The vacation won’t always be there, but the gym will…hopefully.
This got me to thinking about where I turn when sh*t hits the fan. For me, it’s usually the gym, some other athletic activity, or writing. I wanna go play basketball or throw some weights around. If that’s not an option, it’s almost guaranteed I’ll be scribing something…sorta like this post. There have been a couple occasions recently where I took off for a long walk around the local pond, which is something I had never even considered doing before. Each of these allowed me to clear my head, take my mind off of what’s going on in my life, and relax just enough to keep me from turning into something abominable.
Other folks turn to stuff like yoga…or church. I was telling someone recently that I’ve had a lot on my mind and they suggested I go to church and have a conversation with God or work on that relationship. My response was simple:
“That’s not going to solve or fix anything. Been there and tried that.”
As I’ve said before, I believe in God and all that good stuff. However, getting dressed up on Sunday or looking for the closest open church on a weekday doesn’t make me relax or feel better about the obstacles I have and continue to encounter in my life daily. At this point, I’d spend more time asking “why me?” and ultimately end up more stressed and drained than when I arrived there. I know. This is the point where people enthusiastically tell me about the test and challenges that the Good Lord puts before us to test our faith. Great.
For a lot of people, this works. What I get from playing ball or engaging in other athletic activity is the same thing they get from going to church or prayer. That’s fine. That’s cool. That’s swell. I’m sure there are others who turn in different directions, which leads to the discussion for today.
What’s your sanctuary when sh*t hits the fan and life throws you a stressful or frustrating curve ball(s)? What does that outlet do for you? And lastly, where do you go when your primary outlet isn’t available? Feel free to answer one or all three…or answer one that’s not even there.
Introspectively Again,
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Interesting post..I recently have become restless and unsettled.. I took a job to avoid being outsourced and it is stressing me out big time, frustrations of home ownership, etc etc Plus I just had different plans for myself and my life at this point. I feel like I am at a cross roads and I dont know which way to go….
I find sanctuary in writing and reading as well. I am not a church person but i do find it helpful to thank God for the things that I am blessed to have and pray for strength.
I have recently been finding sanctuary in my relationship…I use to think it was best not bring my troubles home but it makes it worse.. confiding in someone else you can trust and that will listen really helps.
A wild night out… drinks and good times!
and lastly I do something for me… a massage or nails, go to a matinee by myself, treat myself to lunch, take a week day vacation when everyone is at work, dont tell anyone and just chill out..
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I’m sorry to hear that you’re dealing with all of these stresses. I tend to turn to God when times are great and when things get rough.
It makes me feel better to know that God gives nobody more than they can handle, and no matter what is going on in your life, God is the one who is in total control of it. Not you, not your boss, or anybody or thing else. Knowing or feeling like somebody is constantly in the driver’s seat, makes you not have to worry about anything. It takes a lot of stress and worry off of your shoulder. Its not just about going to church, listening to the sermon, or even believing that there’s a God. It’s about having TOTAL faith, and letting it go and letting him handle your life and lead you.
I hope everything works out for you.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:16 am
Amen! I agree.
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CHeeKZ McSinner Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:02 am
Yeah, but what about the millions of people who have no faith in god. Are we just suppose to suffer? And why do people say God doesn’t give people more than they can handle but suicide rates are higher on christians than agnostics?
I’m not trying to be a difficult non-believer (well at least not today). I usually one of those hard headed know-it-alls that debates every christian they meet. Not going to do that today, I like you guys and I’m not trying to lose anymore freinds. Its just that my lack of Faith makes it hard not to react to your faith, despite the fact that it does help you through bad times (something I respect). So does Heroin, that doesn’t man humanity should try to beat its addiction to it.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:06 am
“Are we just suppose to suffer?”
Not that you are supposed to suffer but I really have no answer for you. All I know is God and I am not in the business of trying to convert a non believer to believe- I think that would only turn you off.
All I can do is share what He’s done for me and hope that I touch you.
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Cheekie Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Wait a sec. Is my e-boo an atheist?
I find that hilarious for some reason…
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 4th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Any chance you find it sexy?
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My goal is not to be one of those Christians that come to Jesus only when stuff is going bad….so I just try to be consistent and stay prayed up.
When stuff starts hitting the fan, I just pretty much cut everyone and everything off and tune into myself… whether it’s reading a book, going to Starbucks or the Waterfront Park- I spend my alone time.
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What’s your sanctuary when sh*t hits the fan and life throws you a stressful or frustrating curve ball(s)? My sanctuary when life is stressful or frustrating is my favorite girl, Mary J. She allows my mind to wander off into a distance (almost medidation w/eyes open) and release whatever negative energy may be weighing me down. Not to mention, MUSIC! I can get lost in an album or song that for some reason seems to feel and know my situation ( from the beat, to the lyrics) and this allows me to vent thru song and puts my mind at peace. If those two outlets aren’t available, I heard somewhere “FRIENDSHIP IS ESSENTIAL TO THE SOUL”, so i’ll holla at one of my family members, homeboyz/homegirlz, or frat brothers and spit out wutz on my mind knowing that whatever reply they have will be the right one for the time being…
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Peysonic Lodge #69 Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:33 am
Is it me or is there always a random bruh that has the perfect piece of uplift? ROO to that
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RightCoastLexSteele, In My Happy Place Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:45 am
Mary and music never fails. Roll up the Bob Marley and listen to some Buju Banton…(DRIVVA!)
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In simpler times, I lean to music. Music is my life, so it always comforts me in some way or another. Nothing like some good Brandy, Mint Condition, or a little bit of Kim Burrell.
To answer the question, fully, God (not “church”) is my sanctuary when times are bad AND when times are good. Too often (and I’ll admit, I used to be one), folk expect God to just come through and work miracles in their lives when stuff hits the fan, even though they’ve ignored Him for all the blessings He’s previously bestowed upon their lives.
Pshhhh. How do you feel about the obnoxious person who only calls you when they want something?But guess that? God blesses us anyway. I’m so glad God ain’t like us.Anywhoo, the simple act of going to church won’t solve your problems any more than playing basketball or going to the gym will. Your simply believing in God means little if you don’t have faith in what He can do. How can we believe in Him, then question His omnipotence? What, then, is there to believe?
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:39 am
Co-sign. When ish hits the fan, I turn to Him. Not to the church. Or I call the homies, or I write. Something that will put space between me and my own thoughts and feelings. The hope is to feel relief, even if it’s just for the moment, so that I can make it to the next.
But with God, it about the relationhip you have with Him. You don’t call up people who aren’t invested in you or you in them (pause) to talk your issues through. Same concept really.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:43 am
And music. Some hard core gangsta rap will bury those feelings quickly. Along with the bodies dropped in the song.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:44 am
LMAO
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:59 am
I love hardcore gangster rap and songs with gun shots in ‘em. Helps me get my day going!
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Peysonic Lodge #69 Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:35 am
This doesnt work in the morning for me. Anytime I listen to this in the morning my productivity decrease by at least 30%. Too busy thinking about smacking the 2520s and the bosses
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:58 am
Soapbox Slim is Back.
Faith in God or whatever higher force won’t solve my problems either. Of course the response is going to be “How can you know that if you’ve never had it or don’t have it now?”
Given my circumstances now, I’d rather work on solving my problems and tackling my life obstacles either on my own or with the assistance of a select few people. My to-do list is already long enough and I don’t think searching for faith and trying to build this “connection” is going to make a difference. As I see it now, it’ll be another source of frustration (Please don’t strike me down God).
“Well, you don’t know if you don’t try.”
I’ll re-evaluate the possibility of taking on this quest when things are more in line with where I wanna be in life. I think a lot of people who are “spiritual” make the mistake of treating people who don’t have that “bond” with God as if they’re wayward souls that need help. It’s borderline offensive. I can’t tell you how many times someone has given me the pity eyes like I’m missing out or handicapped in some way. Everybody’s all around sanctuary can’t be God/religion/super spiritual being. Point.Blank.Period.
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Peysonic Lodge #69 Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:30 am
I dont have a problem with your comment on your feelings in general but there are two things I think this comment overlooks/takes for granted.
1) A Search for faith shouldnt take you away from fixing your issues.
2) Many people think that having faith in God, means that they just sit back and let Him do all the work.
IMHO, I think that people who work diligently with no faith and people who do no work and rely on faith alone both end up in the same place.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:52 am
Can you expand on this? What do you mean “end up in the same place?”
Cause if you are saying that I am going to go to hell than I have no problem with that (since I don’t believe in it). If you are saying I wont be successful in THIS life b/c I don’t share your beliefs, you OD’d.
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Peysonic Lodge #69 Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:55 am
I cant tell u if you’re going to hell or heaven or that you will be successful or a bum, I have not the slightest clue about any of that. I just feel that people who are the happiest, from what I noticed, have faith in a higher power and do the work to fix the things that are wrong in their lives. Not one but both
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:09 am
@Peyso
I feel you. 1) I think the initial step of seeking faith is an effort to fix the issue. 2) On an intellectual level, I completely agree. No man, with faith, should just be chillin, waitin on God to move. The Bible says, though, that genuine faith will produce good works, and elsewhere, that the just shall live by faith. This means that if we truly, sincerely, and genuinely believe, the good works will show themselves and the same God, who justifies the wicked, will justify he who believes in Him.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I really respect your opinion Peyso. Its well said and thoughtful. However, I think you would understand why I must disagree. While I agree that the most spiritual have a better chance at happiness, esp when combined with a good work ethic. You loose me when you say that you need the perspective of a higher power to reach such a Zin.
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Peysonic Lodge #69 Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
@ Cheekz – I think we really agree but we’re getting stuck over the meaning of higher powers. I think the higher power is what takes you away from the worries of this world. Doesnt necessarily mean, some omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient being that has complete dominion over all. For me, the HIGHEST power is God. (Who IMHO happens to be omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient being that has complete dominion over all.) No ifs and or buts about it. For other people, that higher power is ball or sleep or music or writing or whatever. Whatever their personal methodology is, it is what takes them o a place that they couldnt take themselves too. It exerts a power stronger than that person, thus being aptly known as a higher power.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:11 am
**Since we’re writing in bold…**
First, I’m not one of those “spiritual” people. What does that even mean? Only one spirit lives in me, and that’s the Holy spirit, burning with fiya!
Second, I can’t even begin to imagine having fought the obstacles that have come with my life alone. Tried that, and my “to do list” just got longer. Who am I to think that I and my problems are bigger than God? I appreciated and valued the greatness that is God in the midst of my storm. I didn’t wait for the sun to come out. But when it did, I bathed in His glory and still thanked Him for the rain. Praise is more intellectual than emotional, so I don’t praise God for what I feel but for what I know. And I know that I know that I know…
Third, I don’t treat people who don’t know the Lord in the way you describe—though, I realize, that many Christians do. If anything, we, as believers, should have more compassion and understanding for those who don’t have that relationship, for we were once there ourselves. I realize nothing I or anyone else can say will convert you and make you suddenly wanna shout and seek God—that’s not even slightly my objective. You have to want to know Him for yourself.
Lastly, I know that I serve an all-knowing God who brings me an indescribable joy and fulfillment that nothing on this Earth ever could. I don’t view those who don’t know of this feeling as wayward souls, but I will not apologize for sharing His Goodness with those who don’t know Him
just like I won’t apologize for sharing of the goodness that is my Mac to PC users.Reply
MaPockets Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I know that I know that I know
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Sidenote: It’s too early to form coherent sentences, but this is the only time I can breeze through due to The Man blog-blocking. I need to quit The Man.
Anyhow.
Lovely post, Slim. Getting all introspective and ish is hotness.
For my sanctuary, I usually write my screenplays, read, and watch movies.
As far as where God fits into this, well, for me, He never leaves. He doesn’t randomly appear on Sunday or whatever over day folks decide to gather in one place. Sometimes, the best sanctuary is having a conversation with God alone. I don’t believe it’s the “where” that matters, it’s the “with whom” (i.e. “whom” being God in this instance). And I definitely think this connection is made stronger by keeping it intact during good times as well as bad…or those unsure crossroads.
Thanks to my mama (I call her the Dalai Mama), I’ve found meditation is a beautiful form of sanctuary. Not necessarily a structured “professional” form of meditation (though this is great, too), but just simply clearing your thoughts…sweeping that mess away. Sitting in a quiet room and just taking in the beauty of everything surrounding you. That ish feels good!
Wow, even simply reading this post and subsequently writing this comment made me feel better!
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Just for the record, nobody is going to convert me to any sect of christianity today. Just thought I’d let all the spiritual people know.lol. Please do continue to share your thoughts on this post and where you turn when stuff hits the fan. If it’s church/prayer/God, that is fine. Do chime in.
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RightCoastLexSteele, In My Happy Place Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:14 pm
It’s ok Slim…I’m going to hell too. But I’ve planned ahead and I’m getting cable and AC put into my unit. I’ll set you owt bruh.
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CHeeKZ McDevil Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Been here since ’91. Aint so bad….
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For starters, Slim, just wanted to remind you that this is just quarterlife. I know its the most cliche phrase in the books, but it’s the truth. Finding your way in life is never easy. It’s a process.
That said, my sanctuary is hands down my notebook. When my brain gets clouded with crazy thoughts and anxieties, I make myself write for 15 non-stop, just to figure out exactly what’s bothering me. Once it’s on paper, I step away from it and get quiet for an hour or so. Usually, the answers just appear. And the answer is typically, “Slow down and give yourself time. Do the best you can with what you have and trust that the rest will fall into place.” When that doesn’t work, I rinse and repeat until it does. Lol.
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Well, I take a nap…if possible. Usually after a good rest, I can wake up refreshed… sometimes I have a drink (I know, drinking doesn’t solve problems, but usually it’s a drink with a friend and we can talk about my “rough day”. I also take solace in reading & writing, mostly music though…everything from Adele, “crack” head Amy Whinehouse & Chrisette Michelle
Lastly, as most have said, God should be an all the time thing. I admit, I probably don’t pray as much as I should, but when something great happens…I say “thanks”. When something’s not going my way, I ask him to give me strength to get through it. Never a why me attitude, because, frankly, there are more people worse off than me.
I don’t believe in going to church…but that’s a whole ‘nother topic…
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Ziggy Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:39 am
cosign! Napping and God is the way to go!
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I am being hypocritical, because I know I have a problem with procrastination.
However, the best way to get away from your problems imo is to solve your problems and not to run from them. My sancutuary is television, I spend whole days watching seasons of 24, the Wire, Sopranos, Nip/Tuck, Avatar, Full Metal Alchemist, Lost, Heroes. If I have Law School Applications to do this weekend, I might rewatch every Harry Potter movie to get ready for the new one.
But none of that is good for me. The best way to solve my anxiety is to do those damn applications.
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My refuge is the LORD first and foremost..
while working out is a great great stress reliever, and I am committed to my fitness..that does not begin to even remotely compare to the PEACE that surpasses all understanding and circumstance that is found only in the LORD.
The last couple of months have been rough on ya girl and sometimes I was questioning the LORD, like why LORD why….. but at the same time I know that I know that I know its only the LORD that keeps me, even in the midst of a storm….thats when for real the LORD imparts and intercepts and intervenes the most on my and everyones elses behalf who believes.
HE never said troubles would not come, but those very troubles are used for my betterment and greater good!!!!
Another thing that helps me and its still really ALL the LORD……. is nature, being out in nature, taking long walks thru a garden or thru the city, smelling the flowers literally, feeling a warm breeze brustle thru the trees, hearing the birds sing, seeing a pretty butterfly or dragonfly etc etc etc…its an assurance to my mind and soul that its all under the LORD’s control.
I also love the ocean as well, whenever I can get to the beach, cause standing in front of something so massive puts things in perspective, its very calming and soothing…
The arts are another place I find comfort….a museum, a song, a portrait etc
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:04 am
You betta preach that thang!
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#1 I think the mere fact that one is being introspective is what gets you through things. Often time folks live life with blinders, hoping to never get caught or seen. It also allows you to put things into perspective. So yeah, Im a broke graduate student who got cut from her summer gig on their day off (and no I was not caught stealing boxes), but theres a woman, the same age as me wondering if her husband is going come home from Iraq or if her baby is going to live to see another day. So what do I do? Sulk for a moment and commence to make it better. Struggle is struggle regardless, however, I recognize that some are more difficult then other.
#2 God, the Creator…Yeah I believe that the Creator is present in all those things that bring one piece of mind. Going to church is not the ONLY way to funnel the energy of the Creator. I believe that there is a higher power that is responsible for so much, but I also believe that there are evil beings responsible for a lot of stuff to. I think we mess up because we have been taught for all our lives that if we do good, we will be blessed. And yes we have all have been blessed, but its not just because we believe. Those who are honest and just suffer, and sometimes more then those who spit fire and brimstone…
So to remedy all this, Im a writing, nature-walk having, watching bad funny black movies type of kid. Give me a beach with a hammock, a park with a garden, a hood with a few trees and “White Chicks” and Im good to go.
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My Sanctuary is rest. My personality lends to me playing a situation for the good and the worst…and I need sleep to find the balance between the two. It’s not necessarily that I NEED sleep, more than it’s the time and clear mindedness sleep gives me. When I wake up, I usually know where to start to work through my situation.
I believe G*d is always with us in one form or another, and whether we want Him/Her to be there or not. I don’t believe in “Church,” more so than I believe there are like minded individuals in church, park, my Inner Circle that may inspire me with a message or act.
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my sanctuary is simple.
church/prayer, basketball/running and writing.
in that order.
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I read this post and a story came to mind.
There was a man who was stranded in the ocean. He prayed and prayed for God to come and save him. On Day 1, a little speed boat came and the owner tried to help the man in the boat. The man said “No, I’m waiting on my God”. On day 2, a tug boat came along and the man said “No, I’m waiting on my God”. On day 3, a big ole cruise liner came by and the man said “No, I’m waiting on my God”. The man eventually died out there in the ocean. The man goes to heaven and he’s speaking with God and he asks, “I prayed and I prayed and I prayed, but why didnt you save me?”. God replied “I tried to save you three times but you kept turning me down”.
Now I know that this story isnt perfectly analagous to Slim or anyone else who commented today, but I think it highlights some of the comments anf part of the post today. God sends you ways out and sometimes they’ll be as small as a walk around the pond or it may sometimes be as big as an unexpected check. But you’ll get a way out. Some ppl ultimately die or give up waiting on God to have some awesome display of power when he’s ultimately showing you his power in all the little things around you.
Secondly, I hate the “why me?” question. We never ask “why me” when things go our way. Of course we’re gonna say its b/c we work hard but tons of people work hard and never get what they deserve.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:29 am
I agree, Peyso.. Fabulous story.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:56 am
Yeah I second that. Loved that story.
So true so so so true….the LORD always provides a way out, an exit from a bad choice, a lifeline etc etc etc in ways big and small. We just have to take/receive it.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:14 am
I think you’re great. This just took me back to kids Sunday school. Some holy and saved adults need to hear it.lol
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I’m not going to front especially since my co-leaser wrote this post. When the chips fall, I tend to party. A lot.
Slim has seen me stumbling in the crib at all hours of the night, reeking of Patron and other goodies all just so I won’t have to deal with what’s on my mind. Women, booze & loud music. It’s fun, but it’s bad. It ultimately doesn’t help the situation. I know. I’m getting back on track.
Once I wake up from that initial stupor, what really soothes my soul is nature. I’ve found that water and trees (the ones that grow in the forest, not in a greenhouse) really make me feel at ease. Things usually get put into perspective quickly and I’m recharged.
So I agree with my cohort on this one. I don’t think you need to turn to God to be at peace with oneself.
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My sanctuary is my therapist. I started seeing her the day after my 25th birthday. On December 8th I was literally paralyzed to my bed with depression and she is helping me find my way. I’ve found a new light in this world and I’m beginning to realize my passion as well. Therapy doesn’t work for everyone, but it’s worth the shot. It’s not as expensive as most people will think either (only a $20 copay for me).
I was raised in a Christian home, I went to church twice on Sundays (some of yall know what I’m talking about) and where in the past that helped (and it still does today) it wasn’t enough at that point. I like to think that God gave me the will to look into therapy and it’s saved my life, literally.
Depression is not color blind and when I let people know that side of me I still get comments “like when was the last time you got on your knees and really PRAYED?” and I’m like “every night and the answer I got was ‘seek professional help.’”
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 10:40 am
Very very potent comment. That’s all I’ll say on this for now.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:02 am
As a teen I went to a therapist for a while for help with depression……nothing wrong with that.
They helped ME to see the answers were in me already for getting past certain things, thank GOD, forgiveness was KEY!
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RightCoastLexSteele, In My Happy Place Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Didn’t work for me. I had to see a therapist when I was a teen and he concluded I was a prick. But I already knew that…
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Good topic! Until January of this year, I’ve actually been really blessed in that I haven’t run into any truly difficult situations where I thought I needed a sanctuary.
I would turn to my parents, my LS’s, my boyfriend and the gym when I was frustrated, sad, happy or whatever.
But my current situation (read the DL post from last week) forced me to look to something bigger than them to preserve my sanity and find forgiveness for someone who betrayed me. No person or activity was going to help me heal the way I needed to. So, I turned to God.
God’s always been there for me and I’ve always talked to him in good and bad times, but this was the first time I’ve had to lean on Him and no one else. People and the gym were/are NOT going to get me through this. Only He can help me deal with the turmoil of emotions that I’ve had to deal with.
For me, this doesn’t always mean going to church, but it’s about talking to God, letting him know how I feel and asking him to give me peace in my mind and soul. I think it’s working so far- I haven’t gone off the deep end!
That’s not to say that this route is for you, but it’s working for me. Let’s just say that my ex has not felt “the wrath of a bitter bitter ex” when clearly that’s all he really deserves in his life. If it weren’t for the Lord…whew! Who knows what types of evil acts I would’ve succumbed to in this situation.
I hope you find something to help you cope!
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Well, being that I’m a Buddhist, my sanctuary is chanting. Of course I might try to look elsewhere when faced with obstacles. But I quickly remind myself that the reason I practice Buddhism is to become happy. Everything I experience(good or bad) is really what I need to ensure the outcome: happiness. Through chanting I gain wisdom regarding the obstacle I might be facing or whatever led me to chant.
When my primary outlet isn’t available, where do I go?
Chanting can be done anywhere. It’s a form of meditation. Except, it’s done aloud. I chant to myself or aloud, depending on my environment.
Thanks for a great post.
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TRUE Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:55 am
my favorite buddist quote is You only lose what you cling to.
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QUESTION TO THE DISCUSSION??
Is it possible to go on these deep and introspective journeys without a religion?
A say this b/c there have been religions proven false that still provided their followers with comfort and sanctuary?
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TRUE Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:56 am
I truly believe you can. It is called SELF ACTUALIZATION in psychology
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Cheekie Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:44 pm
I actually think it is. It is called IN-trospection after all. Within yourself.
Of course, folks who believe in God believe that we and Him are one and the same. But if you don’t believe in a divinity, then looking within yourself and what comes outta that can be very deep.
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I’ll be away from the blog for a few hours, but will definitely be responding to some of these comments when I get back. This is a great discussion!
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TRUE Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:57 am
*agrees*
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Religion is man made….
Spirituality is innate…..
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:07 am
Can spirituality exist without concrete/established religion?
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Terry Lang Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:11 am
Everyone has spirituality – we were born with it. Religion is a man made, culture based doctrine / practice that guides people in the practice / act of spirituality. Religion is a good thing that in some cases has had bad consequences on some individuals spirituality. Not because religion is bad, but because it was applied in a bad way.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:31 am
CO-SIGN!
The Realest Post I Ever Quote…..
against all odds.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 5:38 pm
I support this comment.
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I haven’t read the all the responses yet
I will say I am agnostic (not atheist)
I like to write, listen to music and DRANK to relieve some stresses
but mostly call my best gal pals (and my dude when available) and VENT LIKE EEE MUG…and get words of encouragement
I also talk to “GOD” (and myself). Sort of a pep talk.
But..again…A good drink before any of that helps the mess out of me
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I’m a full on Christian…God lover…Jesus believer…prayer warrior…whatever you want to call it.
That being said, I don’t think any of that should undermine personal responsibility, accountability, and initiative. Yes, I look to God in times of need but he is not my trump card. There doesn’t always need to be an over spiritualizing of every decision and just because I DO pray and seek his will, doesn’t mean I should expect not to struggle. That was never promised.
As to your question though…my sanctuary is shopping and eating. I usually buy my most expensive and unneeded purchases when I’m depressed but shopping helps me escape and tune out. I’ve also never encountered a problem a pint of ben and jerry’s didn’t help soothe. Lucky for me I have a good metabolism. Working out can also do the trick but since it’s my job, it’s not something I can easily do at non-prescribed times. Breakups always make for the best workouts though.
So yes, these are my coping tools but I wouldn’t say that they are what I turn to INSTEAD of turning to God. To me, that’s slightly hypocritical if I call myself a Christian. God is always there…I can always turn to him and seek his help. But God created chocolate. Amen.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:57 am
A-to the-men.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 6:01 pm
I used to eat the Ben and Jerry’s on a regular basis…like a pint in one sitting. Then I realized I was shortening my life span with each pint I consumed.lol.
Eating is one of my sanctuaries as well, but shopping…not so much. I see that as more of a chore on most occasions. Good food will change my life!
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Slim
your “happiness” is a state of mind
you have to let go of the material things that you THINK will make you happy, let go of the flesh.
too often, we as humans think having material items will make us happy, they dont. “happy” or content is a state of mind. It has little to do with having your degree, you house, your loving family, your education, your nice car, your great kid or a loving spouse. ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE OF THE FLESH AND MATERIAL. They are expendable and can come and go with the wind.
Change your MIND about how you view your life. You are breathing, you haven’t lost a limb, you have a job that pays, you have a decent place to live, food to eat. You have PLENTY to be “happy” about.
You mentioned not being where you want to be in life…Im sure it has EVERYTHING TO DO WITH MATERIAL ITEMS (yes…getting your degree and having a high paying successful job is a MATERIAL THING that can be taken away and is really not in your control)
Feelings come from WITHIN..never from the out in. Remember that.
We can control how we feel about our life. Thats the one thing that can’t be taken away, and once we as humans truly realize that..then we understand there is not “sad” or “bad” ..there is only what is..and what isn’t
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Soulyn Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I truly agree and just want to add…Happiness is long lasting and emerges from one’s self. It is not dependent on one’s circumstances or environment. Having a sense of purpose, gratitude/appreciation can aid to one’s happiness.
Last year around this time I found myself feeling angry. I would go to work and call my boyfriend to complain about how miserable my life was. After talking to a friend about this, she quickly reminded me of my thoughts. Your mind can control you sometimes. Thoughts become words, words become actions. Once I adjusted my thoughts about work, I felt a whole lot better. I had to appreciate having a job to attend 5 days a week, which allowed me to pay the bills. Once I reminded myself why working a dead end job at the time was important and envisioned the end results, my attitude changed.
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spritituality was too created by man
its a word with a definition…
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Terry Lang Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Now you’re getting into Linguistics. The word “spirituality” is a lexeme of the root word “spirit”. Yes that (the “word” itself) is man-made, but the force in all of us and the art of recognizing and cultivating that force is not man-made, it is innate.
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i just wanted yall to know I clicked the link to the old post, got confused with the comments and posted responses there…WOW..I really need to pay more attention.
lol
Okay ..carry on
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so no one else finds sanctuary in a bottle of vodka, wine and/or beer ?
Damn..I may need help LOL :p
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RightCoastLexSteele, In My Happy Place Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Yea, you may need help finishing the liquor…I got you!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I actually just took a shot of vodka. Don’t.Judge.Me.lol.
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ooh..I love gangsta rap too when i’m feeling some kinda way. It gets me out of my whiney b*tchy mode
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Slim I feel your pain. I’ve had a rough couple of months. Honesty I feel like I’ve just added another chapter to a rough couple of years… actually let’s just make it a decade.
I’m an optimist and a woman of faith. I don’t go to church as regularly as I did when I was a child but I have a personal relationship with God and recently I felt like he just wasn’t hearing me. To quote Lenny Williams “I watched television til television went of, I listened to my records til I just didn’t want to hear ‘em anymore”… music is my anti-drug and is usually where I go when I need to heal. Music was not doing it so I took a LOT of naps. I also talked to my friends and at some point “girl, it’s gonna be okay” was not cutting it.
I got so frustrated because I felt like every time I got ahead of the game or even in the game some bullshit would happen, completely out of my control that f*@ked up everything I had been working for. I’ve prayed. I’ve believed. I’ve done my part and made sure I was doing my part to be sure I succeeded. I stopped praying and lived in the knowing that God hears and answers my prayers. I prayed prayers of gratitude. I lived in gratitude. I stood still. I did ALL of the things I know, have been taught that I’m supposed to do and still I get so close but never quite where I want to be.
I dunno if you’re familiar with that John Legend song “Show Me” but I’ve been right there a lot lately but I caught Joel on TV one morning (laugh if you want but Joel Osteen speaks to me sometimes). He told a story about a seed planted in the earth. Seeds can’t grow just sitting on top of the soil, they have to be planted deep in the earth. They are left in the dark, underground. These poor little seeds are buried under the weight of so much dirt. But… you can’t count seeds out, they aren’t lost causes. Seeds grow. They struggle and fight their way to the surface and when they do they flourish and can reach unimaginable heights. But they could never do that if they weren’t planted in the ground and in that dark place.
I try to remember that what seems like a burden might turn out to be a blessing.
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CHeeKZ Betha Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 3:13 pm
“laugh if you want but Joel Osteen speaks to me sometimes. ”
Why would I laugh. I’m an atheist and late last year when I was in a funk I found inspiration from Pastor Mase… YES MA$e, Mase. It was good advice, who cares where is comes from.
I’m sure Osama Bin Laden knows some good Koran verses.
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Cheekie Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:48 pm
I wanna invite Joel Osteen to dinner with the fam. He’s so adorable.
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Trust. Surrender. Believe. Receive. That’s all I can say.
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The Slave ship is killin me ill read the comments later.
SJ, my sanctuary is the Lord, the gym, Xbox360, the internets, and good friends who accept me as I am and will help me cheer up at all costs. We are human, and being human we are seceptable(sp?) to letting negative emotion overtake our logical thought and cause us to doubt ourselves (No Vulcan). All you can do is reflect, accept situations for what they are, eliminate excuses, find a great support base, and overcome your obstacles.
Its always easier said then done, but you got a good support base so make it happen!
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**just had to use an old alias on this one**
Good question on what is your sanctuary. Anyone who knows me knows that it is God first, then music, then friends/family.
My personal belief in God says that there’s noting that God cannot solve and that He allows certain things to happen to you to make you stronger. I have been saved since childhood. However, I have lived points in my life where it did not reflect the God I claimed to live for. In those times, when things got bad, I would just ask why.
Since graduating from college, I have made more of an effort to live according to what I know to be a Christian life. Does this mean I’m perfect? Not at all. However, I have alot more peace through trials and tribulations now that I used to. I had a issue with my car back in 2007 that financially murdered me for a while and, in addition to alot of other things, broke my spirit. An extremely similar incident happened last month and I did not stress, did not worry and everything worked out. For me, that was an example of my personal growth and another testament to God being a provider.
I too am not one of those Christians who looks down upon people that do not believe in God or actively go to church, because that is not what a Christian is. But rather, as a Christian, I try to take what opportunities I can to share my Faith, not throw it in people’s faces, and encourage people to see Faith for themselves.
Last thing I will say is that “without a test, there is no testimony.
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wtf did I miss today? damn! Blackslider in the house!!!!!!!! whoooooo!!!!
Slim you’re right…Jesus is not gone come out the sky and sweep all your problems under the rug 4 u…dressing up, clutching the bible, whooping and hollering is not going to erase the way you’re feeling..the teachings of the bible did not intend for us to become dependent on a single being/entity…the answer *drumroll* lies within us 100% of the time…we just like to make things complicated as humans..its in our nature.
I think you’re on the right track by booking the vacation and getting out of your environment for awhile. I can feel you on this post because I have been going through mad mood swings due to some bs that I am allowing to bother me..one day I’m amped the next I’m curled up bawling like a baby b*tch…to be honest the best medicine for me is sleep and the outdoors…an hour of being outdoors (i got a park behind my aprtment) has me feeling 10 times better…oh and not to mention writing..but my moods have gotten so bad that I am unable to even write…notice how others are not in my sanctuary? I mean it gets a lot worse before it can get better…that means a lot of good is yet to come..I’m excited 4 u!
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 4:42 pm
“the teachings of the bible did not intend for us to become dependent on a single being/entity”
Don’t mean to be rude, but this is laughable. I’m sorry, but what Bible are you reading? I could even use the 10 commandments to dispute that statement. Let’s start with #1…
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
June 3rd, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Oh that ain’t from the bible..that’s just what I think lol
Sure we are to love the Lord and abide by his teachings, put him first..but to become dependent..leave it comepletly in his hands- nah…I really dont believe that God puts us through shit (yea i curse) so that we can just sit there and do nothing about it and wait for him to solve our problems..I really and truly believe that God is within us and that since we are his children we can use the teachings combined with our own intuition to solve our problems…thats all…
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Great post! I totally empathize with the way you are feeling. I hope things get better. Prior to law school, I definitely felt as if everything was going wrong and I couldn’t catch a break. Law school was no cake walk either. I graduated yesterday and I’ve been through so much during that time that I can’t believe it.
Ironically, my full name is Yoruba and means “God cradles my tears” or “God consoles me”. Trust, I have had many tears for Him/Her to cradle, but when I was going through things, although I always knew that God was there, it was never helpful when people would tell me “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”. I would just feel more frustrated and upset after that. I found that statement to be a cop out for when people really just don’t know what to say about your situation.
Although I find solace in God, I believe that God has put the right people in my life to help me through the really difficult situations. I am truly blessed to have wonderful people in my life. At my graduation yesterday, although my mother was not there, many of the people who I feel got me through law school were there and I had to tell God thank you for them b/c I don’t know where I would have been without them, but I would not have been graduating from law school. So I would say I find solace in God, but it’s through the wonderful people He/She has put in my life to help me persevere.
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On a lighter note, the title of this post reminded me of Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame where Quasimodo was screaming “Sanctuary!” while lifting Esmeralda in the air.
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I’m so late on this discussion but I’m glad I was able to read all the comments. I too have been dealing with some things, and because I do have an ongoing relationship with my Lord, I had been feeling doubtful in His love and care for me. I’m proud that even in my weakest moments I did not fully lose faith in knowing what He has for me will be mine–maybe not exactly when I want it as I’m very impatient, but it will come. I like to meditate, read, write, listen to music and surround myself with nature as a sanctuary. I am not a regular church attender right now, but I have been in the past. I do enjoy church experience and I believe fellowship is important as a Christian. Now that fellowship doesn’t have to be in a church setting. Reading the comments of fellow believers has touched me today. So thank you to all that participated for that.
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