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No. You Cannot Have My Seat.
**It’s been a crazy week. I wrote this in July of 2008 and it still applies today. Enjoy and have a good weekend!**
I can’t stand it when I find a seat on the train that isn’t designated for the elderly or handicapped, but people wander in my direction giving me the defenseless animal or strong expectation eyes. This morning I had three separate individuals lobbying with their eyes for my seat. Each one with their own unique characteristic. Each one denied. First things first, I’m usually one of the few people dressed in a suit on my train, which probably gives people the impression I’m a gentleman….which I am. If possible, I make it a point to not sit within 3 seats of the designated spot for the elderly or handicapped.
I’m not a morning person. When I get on the train in the morning, I don’t want to be bothered. Get out of my face. Don’t talk to me. Don’t read what I’m typing on my Blackberry, or make a feeble effort at striking a conversation about something in the newspaper. I wear shades on the train not to appear blind, but because I don’t want you looking into my eyes searching my soul. The same goes for the trip home after work. I’m a bit more upbeat because the work day is over, and more than likely I’ve spent 6 hours on the phone playing agent in the IT world. Nonetheless, let me play Brickbreaker or text intensely in peace. I don’t need any added theatrics.
Girls who want to sit next to their friend on the train will not get my seat.
But back to this morning and what’s happened on many a day. I’m sitting in my seat. A girl sits next to me. her friend is standing there holding the rail. I’m wearing shades and acting oblivious to the fact she wants to sit down. Regardless of whether she was decent looking or not, she wasn’t getting my seat. She looked at me a few times, made a couple huffs and puffs. She even shifted her weight, but all of this was to no avail. She was not getting my seat. Sorry for ya!
Older individuals who go past the designated seats by more than 3 chairs will not get my seat.
I noticed an older, but perhaps not elderly man and a woman moseying toward the back of the train. The newspaper went up and my eyes went down. I peeked up for a second and saw them both looking. I’m assuming he wanted me to let her sit. I looked to my right. I realized I was 4 seats away from the designated spot. I looked at the girl who wanted to sit next to her friend. Then looked at the couple. Then looked back at my paper. Sorry for ya!
Recklessly obese individuals will not get my seat or the seat next to me. I’m a Jerk. You’re right.
The last incident happens all the time. Being extra extra obese does not entitle you to my seat or any 2 seats on the train. If possible, I position myself to sit between 2 vertical rails. This way, such a person would experience discomfort sitting on either side of me. This is my force field. Though I was not sitting between 2 rails on the train this morning, there’s no way I was about to let the girl next to me be smushed after I denied her friend a seat. That just wouldn’t be right. I looked at him, smirked, went back to my Blackberry and told someone about it. My thoughts? Sorry for ya!
As for everybody else, are there other situations where you refuse to compromise or “do the right thing”? I know it’s Friday but…..c’mon!
Slim “My regular signature is on vacation” Jackson
30 Responses to “No. You Cannot Have My Seat.”
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I often refuse to apologize for saying shyt before my filter could catch it
conversation I had with employee today
shay, shay, shay
are you on the phone
me: holds up hand to indicate on phone
employee:shay, shay, shay
Me: thats annoying as hell you are a grown man I know you have been taught better
him: sooorry.. dont you think that was a little harsh?
me:no and turns back to conversation
also when people ask me to do shyt that they feel I should be obligated to do and I say no
for instance my brother is in town on leave from the army for 9 days. his birthday was yesterday..he asked me to drive him to see some chick he met on the internet 2 hours away.. i was like Hell naw…
I told him I love you but I aint doin it and you should have had a note attached to your profile that said hoes without cars need not apply….I aint doin and hell no you cant use my car…
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if the girl wanting to sit next to her friend had on heels, you should have given up your seat!
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olivya23 Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 10:28 am
“if the girl wanting to sit next to her friend had on heels, you should have given up your seat!”
if you are on your way to work…please do what the rest of us do and wear flats then change to heels once you get in the office.
Don’t put yourself through the pain, I know it hurts.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Naahhh, forget that. Why should I have to pay for your fashion decisions? You better cop some New Balances and wear those bad boys to and from work/school.
When you wake up you need to have a realistic thought of what you’re going to do today. When it’s 80 degrees out and I know I’m going to be walking around all day, I don’t wear Tims and a snorkel.
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Streetz: The Living Legend Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I approve ^^^^ this message
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This is why iPods are so cool. It allows me to be into my music and not give anyone eye contact.
When driving, sometimes I don’t feel like letting people over or letting someone out of the driveway. Sometimes I’m in a hurry, sometimes I don’t feel like it.
If someone’s kid wanders in my direction or smiles at me, sometimes I don’t feel like offering the child a smile back. I don’t have any kids yet, and even though I love them, sometimes I don’t feel like entertaining them.
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Shawn Smith Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Ha ha. In situations like that I think of something Dane Cook said….he talked about knocking over a kid’s ice cream cone and looking them in their face to tell them “this is a moment you will remember for the rest of your life”. Then he walks off.
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Raqi Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 10:17 am
I understand completely. I don’t play with other folks’ kids. I sometimes snarl at them: the ones I know, and the ones I don’t.
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Yeah Whatev Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I totally agree about the kids thing. Sometimes I’m tired and I just want to be left alone with my music. I get really annoyed when some 20 year old chick with her three toddler brats sit around me and the kids start staring, touching my hair, wanting my candy, talking to me and meddling with my stuff. Then the mom does nothing and expects me to sit there and play the “cutie pie” “awww” game with them. I hate playing the “cutey pie” “awww” game especially with strange, no-training having children. Sit your azz down and stop bothering strangers before you get napped, kid! This is exactly why the idea of being a mother is my worst nightmare right now. Imagine being bothered like that all the time and not being able to leave it with its mother at the end, because you are its mother! Ugh!
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Daaang, Nicki – no smiles for the kids?? I can understand it with bad kids – they get nothing but a googly eye from me.
@ Slim – I think the reason you get frustrated with these people is because they don’t have a real need, just a sense of entitlement. Entitled people make me stick to my guns a lot of times – especially on the road.
Happy Friday!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 11:18 am
I think you may be on to something with the entitlement thing. That would make perfect sense given how I feel about entitlement in general.lol.
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lol. when i was home i used to ride the green line from greenbelt (first stop on the line) all the way to l’feant plaza.
i guess i’m just different because i’m a morning person. i’ll give my seat up in a minute. i prefer to stand anyway. i miss riding the metro. it was so convenient.
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THIS IS WHY I HATE NYC’S PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION.
I’m sorry for the caps, but this is something that is near and dear to me. Every single commute, I get those same stares – the sense of entitlement to your seat stare. Pregnant, cripple, old, young, blind, women with heels. Whatever. Maybe during the PM commute, you’ll get it. But the AM commute, you will not have my seat. You will give me the look that will NOT make me get up. I. don’t. care.
One time I was on the train, this lady came running through the doors with some shoes on the obviously hurt. Unfortunately for her, seats were all occupied. She was obviously in pain. She kept shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Everytime the train stopped she looked around with the “VULTURE-ish i need a seat eye”, but to no avail, no seats for you! (soup nazi voice) HEELARIOUS.
Bunnie’s P.S.A: If you can’t stand in heels, don’t get on the train. If your 8 months pregnant, hop in a cab. Old/Cripple/Blind, hop in an access-a-ride bus. I paid my fare, I will sit in my seat.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 11:19 am
I like your mode of thought!
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Terry Lang Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Don’t forget about the ones that come on with big-ass strollers during rush hour. I ride the train from Utica Ave to 59th street. One morning this mofo came on with his child and baby’s mom. Would not collapse the stroller and everytime someone came even remotely close to the stroller he tapped them and said “watch my stroller!” with a stink attitude. Seriously dude, it is rush hour. And those damn bike messengers with their dirty-ass bikes. You have a bike! Why the hell are you on the 4 trian?!
Thank God for books and ipods.
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TRUE Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
yoooooooooooo
I had this one dude with this big azzed electric wheelchair..he wasn’t in the designated handicapped wheelchair area…
he had a nerve to get an attitude with us cause he was blocking the door and WE WANTED TO GET OFF THE TRAIN…wtf
GO TO YOUR DESIGNATED AREA…I wanted to fight him..matter of fact, I said some words to that handicapped man
I dont feel sorry for you…you need to still be considerate you a hole
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the other day, my coworker had her infant up here. The lil nug was begging for my mcdonalds. I told him he wasn’t gettin any and really didn’t give him any
u shoulda given your seat up to the elder/older woman slim *jerk* jackson
lol
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Remi Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
I love kids, but I hate begging little kids, that is so rude. And their parents stand there and expect you to give them some of what you have. Please! You can stand your little a** there and watch me eat all of my food and I still won’t give you any.
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“Recklessly obese individuals will not get my seat or the seat next to me. I’m a Jerk. You’re right.”
This right here is why I’ve started sitting in the individual seats in the upper deck of the Metra (chicago trans). I usually get on when about half of the two-seat booths are empty and I would sit next to the window. Then several stops later, the window seats will fill up and all of a sudden, Big Berta would come in. I’d try to dig my nose into my newspaper and not make eye contact, because once you make eye contact, you’re trapped. You’re a target. You’re essentially saying — with your eyes — “come sit next to me”!
Sometimes the avoidance wouldn’t work. So, she’d sit next to me (the seat would make this ‘whoosh” sound as the air would try to escape) and then she’d glare at me. Could you move over a little bit? I’d try my best to move over, but I wouldn’t actually go anywhere so I’d say, “I’m all the way at the end”. I mean, I couldn’t sit on the ding dang window ledge. And I’m sure I had a right to sit comfortably in a seat I paid for. Wait, lemme think about it. Yeah, I’m sure.
In other news, a gripe I have about the bus: the thousands of mofos sitting in their seats who would look an old lady up and down without offering up their seat disgust me. I can’t even count the number of times I got up for an old person and looked around to see 5 triflin’ ninjas sitting down with their shifty eyes like they wasn’t aware of the old folk.
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“Recklessly obese individuals will not get my seat or the seat next to me. I’m a Jerk. You’re right. ”
You are not a jerk. I do not, and will not tolerate a fat person on public transportation. I’m not talking chubby, I’m talking about that person who not only takes up two seats, but the one that takes up two seats and half the aisle.
I was on the train, and a woman(pronounced “whale”) gets in the car, and it leans, despite the 20 people standing and sitting on the opposite side of the car. Everyone already sharing a double seat sigh in relieved unison, blessed that the wilder beast will not be vying for the seat next to them. Us less fortunate parties either run to a spare seat or tap into our puffer fish defense mechanisms: blowing up cheeks, spreading our legs and arms, holding our backpacks and briefcases awkwardly and inconveniently away from our bodies. We do this in order to deter the woman by creating the illusion that we, too, are fat as he11. I manage to take up about 62.5% of the double seat, and whoa is me… I was defeated. “Can I sit here?” she says, sounding like the Green Mile. Everyone else giggles…
As she lowered herself, her thigh oozed over into my seat, making sweaty sticky love to my leg like two drunk white people at a college party, pushing my face against the window. Her arm sat on top of mine and flowed over to the middle of my chest… I tried to compress myself to get away, but her body gave way to every cubic inch I made available to her. By the time is was over, I was no longer pure, unsure if the fluids on my slacks were mine or hers…
*shutters, crawls in a ball, and cries*
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Slim Jackson Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 11:24 am
This comment/story brought me joy. Don’t cry girl. Please don’t.lol.
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Yeah Whatev Reply:
May 15th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
“making sweaty sticky love”
LOL.
mmm…I’m sorry I just zoned out when I read that. I’m going through my annual spring-summer rough stage which lasts from late April until mid-August. I actually chewed a whole tray of ice cubes last night. I feel like a pubescent teenage boy. Nobody understands.
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In NYC, I REFUSE to give Cabs the right-of-way. There’s a war on those Manhattan streetz, and I intend to be the victor! These cabs flirt with accidents every second, drive as if they just came from happy hour, and expect you to constantly yield? GTFOH!
When I drive in NYC I am an Offensive driver. Yes, you read that right, OFFENSIVE. You have to react quick when looking for parking spots, making turns, etc. So if you’re in a yellow vehicle of any kind, prepare to be cut off, sped past, and attacked at ALL costs!
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Slim, “yous an a-hole” but thats why we <3 you and read the blog right?
Is it just me? i notice that on public transportation that hardly anyone gives up their seat to old blk women or are slow to do it, but will jump right the fukk up for an old wht woman…just an observation i made..
I give up my seat to the elderly all the time regardless of where i’m seated @..because god forbid i get comfortable
I’m a sucker for the wrinkled what can i say…omg is that a pause?
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I hate HATE when people put their LEG or STUFF on the seat and give you the ice grill when you ask them to move it
WHAT THE HELL..I paid my fare too..and I’m sure your azz aint pay for 2 damn seats
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Oh and everytime there is a game at nationals stadium or verizon center…I GET PREGNANT ON THE TRAIN..close azz mofos…
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I will co-sign this post. Now … I admit … if a seat opens up I will wait for exactly 45 seconds for an elderly or woman to take it … but after I sit down … hell or high water aint getting me up (ok … I will for a pregnant woman or a extremely old man/woman).
I’m not getting up for the following:
- A woman (f*ck that … its 2009)
- A kid (you got energy!)
- Someone carrying stuff (the f*ck you bring it on the metro for)
- A guy (no explanation)
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I just wanted to say, congrats on the ad campaign!
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Wow, I was just having a similar experience on the bus here in Denver the other day. I’m sure it’s not nearly as packed as a NY train, but people with extra large strollers, lot’s of kids, lots of bags, etc do seem to think they are entitled to bow guard the entire bus, especially the front half. There was a lady just last week a woman sat next to me with her young son in her lap and he kept kicking me and reaching over me to ring the stop bell…she sis nothing! Just acted as if I didn’t exist. I once had a tweaked out older woman get on the bus, walk past four empty seats, approach me aggressively and drive me out of my seat. All I could think as I got up and got in the seat in front of her was…dang lady, say no to drugs.
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Laughed all the way thru this shit. So real. Authentic living. Tired of people and their unsubstantiated entitlement issues. Some issues are substantiated but these are not those. Seems women have false entitlement issues the worst.
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