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Seattle’s Theory of Selective Hearing
"But do you reeeeaally mean that?"
Welcome ladies and gentleman. Today we’ll be discussing selective hearing. I began my research on this inspiring topic after hearing a lot of my close women friends continuously complain about dudes with ulterior motives. They would often say to me, “Seattle, he didn’t let me know that he already had an MVP, a solid starting line up and was just looking for a sixth woman to come off the bench.” Or on the flip side, “We started off just fooling around, he was supposed to be my Emergency D*Ck in a Glass, but then he filed a formal petition to be my boo.” Either way, the situation is no bueno for either party. And I can’t front, in the past I wasn’t completely honest about what I wanted from a woman, or should I say young lady, at a given time. But I am now. Most of the time. And a lot of other dudes I know are as upfront, yet there still seems to be some miscommunication between the sexes. So after some diligent research and sorting thru my own personal experiences, I’m here to propose to you my friends and cohorts the following theory – women hear what they want to hear.
Not a new theory, it’s been brought up by man scientists since prehistory. There are even cave drawings in the ancient lands in Europe depicting women with their hands over their ears as a caveman talks. It’s simple, but insightful stuff. However due to a lot of umm, sexual distractions, the theory has never been proven. Or at least the research never made it out of the bedroom. But, I feel like I finally have proven it as fact as of late. As many times as I’ve heard my homegirls talk about some dude who led them astray is about equal to how many times I’ve heard one of my boys say, “But I told her fam. I told her (insert some blunt, reckless non-committal statement here). She just sat there, batted her eyes and said, ‘OK.’” All of a sudden my boy is putting me on hold while he goes to battle said young lady like the Spartans in 300. I know people are prone to leave out details that don’t work for them, so I’ve got further proof. I’ve been a witness to such an event.
Like I said, I’ve been doing my best to be honest about where I’m at and where I’d like to go. I’ve had women regurgitate exactly what I said to them verbatim and then later tell me they didn’t know what was good or be mad when I say it again. It’s times like that I really wish I could carry my own personal stenographer. A small, objective man with glasses and a visor who would live in my backpack and type out all dialogue I have with women. Well, the ones that should be recorded that is. No need to record pillow or drunk talk. Also in my backpack would be one of those court room sketch artists to capture the whole scene. I’m a visual person. I’m sorry, I digress.
Now this is just a portion of the whole theory. There are many other instances in which selective hearing comes into contact. But for the purposes of the blog, I chose to focus on this the initial Terms & Conditions of the dating game. Please send all other quantitative or qualitative research to SeattlexWA@gmail.com for future discussion. Thank you.
Anyway, now that I have proven said theory and will be in the Manstory Books, I just have one question – why do women do that? How is it that a dude can blatantly tell you, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” during the first date conversations and all of a sudden you’re weeping saying you thought he was different. Is it because women have faith? Is it truly a psychological condition? Do you not listen to anything we say, you just happen to guess correctly 90% of the time? Or do you think that your golden walls could pull an Obi Wan Kinobi Jedi mind trick and magically change his mind?
Seattle - Don’t Make Me Record My Convos Like 50 – Washington
25 Responses to “Seattle’s Theory of Selective Hearing”
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Women do this bc:
1. We’ve been conditioned that the nice girl will finish not last, but close to it. (lol) I’ve seen it repeatedly, the man finally falls in love and wifes the girl who’s stuck in there, so we keep up hope. Some of us think we are the exception, so we shoot for it.
2. Because we just can’t understand why you wouldn’t want our fabulous a&&es. Confusion/ lying to yourself is the devil.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 10:15 am
That is true. I’ve seen a lot of dudes who finally wifed up the young lady who’s been around for years. Takes a little while to gain our trust. Is that really a game plan though?
LMAO. Spoken like a true confident woman. Respect that.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Thank you Seattle.
I think for some, that is the game plan because they’re keeping up hope. I was one of them once, but now I’m not… I tell men up front and if they aren’t with it, they must kick rocks. It’s all about learnign to be honest with yourself.
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**sigh** ok, i will participate in the temporary woman bashing only for a second because i SLIGHTLY feel this…
hell, i don’t know why women do that! women are nuts, crazy, insane, unstable… yes, i’m participating in the bashing of my sex. why? because i HAVE to agree with men on this. women will hear, think, feel what they want to regardless of what’s being said. i think that women feel as though guys aren’t representing the whole truth and as if they can change them if they only get to know them better or if they really rock their worlds in the bedroom then they’ll see that they can’t live with out them. horse sh!t. unfortunately, men will not want relationships if they don’t want them and no matter how much you put your mind to it *pause* men won’t change this thought.
now, men hear what they want to hear as well, which is normally nothing. men are infamous for the non-listening which is in part what gets them caught up. if they were to open their ears up and LISTEN, then they would hear that they woman they are talking to is crazy and deranged.
ok, that’s all…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Whew. I love when a woman co-signs with the guys. Makes me feel better on a Tuesday morning.
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Women always think men are lying. Or afraid. Or something like that…
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Reign Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Specific reasons as to why you don’t want to commit to do help for someone to move on. Others you just have to be blunt and mean to so they’ll get the point.
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From my experience, I hear you and do my best to give men the situation they’ve requested, ie just friends or dating to turn into something. But it’s someitmes the man who says he doesn’t want anything serious but begins to act like my bf… getting jealous when I talk to my male friends, want to go on vacations, buying me gifts on your birthday, getting pissed when I go on a date with someone else, and showing PDA with me. This leaves me very confused when I’ve tried to be just a friend because you stated that you can’t have anything serious right now, but you act like my man… I mean what really going on?? ** woosaa**
This has been my experience for the past 13 months! Say what you mean and do what you say.
It really goes both ways because there are women that do hear you, have ever few of us there are. But men also have to be honest about what they really want and possibly reconvene when feelings change so we all stay on the same page.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
I wish it were that simple:
“men also have to be honest about what they really want and possibly reconvene when feelings change so we all stay on the same page.”
What you described is very similar to a situation I am going through…however I refuse to change anyone!! I am trying to keep an open-mind about the whole thing meaning I’m not hooked on wearing him down or forcing him to express his *gasp* feelings..Besides the fact that I’ve got a lot of other ish to worry about..the reason i’m so nonchalant is because this person and I have developed a strong friendship and continue to do so and I would like to maintain this…but I feel you Reign!!!
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Because just as womens rarely say what they really mean, we secretly hope mens are doing the same?
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Seattle Washington Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
LMAO. I can see you with your baby seal eyes saying that. Lol.
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I. Feel. You.
My brother was seeing a girl and told me that he explained to her that he didn’t want a relationship. I laughed in his face and said “tell me when she asks you where things are going between you or why you don’t want anything more.” He yelled back, “Naw, I told her it is what it is.”
Two weeks later, “Yea, you are right … I had to cut her because she acted like I never told her I didn’t want anything serious from the beginning.”
My personal interpretation … some women tend to see the prize and not the reality. So despite the warning signs and VERBAL instructions, a women thinks she can change him or wear him down. I don’t take this approach to men because of my older brothers (I have two, we are all a year apart and I’m the youngest). They schooled me to the game EARLY and when a man tells me something, I take it VERBATIM.
BUT men need to take some of the BLAME TOO. If you are dating a girl and she acts like she wants more and you don’t, leave her alone. Even if the putty is good know that you are playing with her heart every time you keep leading her on. Actions speak louder than words and ish.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
You’ve got a point and I must gracefully concede that we have to follow the words with actions. As a woman I know once said, and I paraphrase, if we’re just having sex then don’t call me asking me how my day was. Just hit me up post 10pm to pencil me into the schedule.
The actions need to support the words.
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I pretty much agree with the above sentiments. Because we’ll hear men and think, “That’s how he feels NOW but wait until I…”
Lord knows my foolish a** thought this in my youth. Thank God I grew up. Unfortunately, many women are stuck in “I can change him” mode and well… We see what happens.
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for the life of me i don’t understand this shit either. when it comes to things like this i’m completely open and honest. if i’m not looking for anything serious, i’ll tell you that. if i feel like i want to build something with you, i’ll tell you that. if i think we could be great fuck buddies, then guess what?
i’ve been mislead a time or two in my life and thats not a good feeling, so i make sure that i’m upfront and honest about my intentions. maybe women think that they must be so great that dude simply just can’t resist himself and he’ll go back on what he said…*shrugs shoulders*
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I co-sign everything you said Mr. Washington. However, you should know better. You know fire is hot and will burn you, but if you turn on a stove and put your hand over the burner, I cant sympathize if you get burned. If women are deaf, men must be blind, because most women put all the writing on the wall and we casually dont see it as our eyes stay fixed on ESPN. (Da da da, da da da)
Granted, most real G’s let their intentions be known from the start. But it’s like a negotiation, I guess women feel that’s the starting point and they can talk you down to what they want eventually. I am of the opinion that women use snatch like bait, but that being said, dudes clearly still know it’s bait and fall for it every time. If you start talking to a chick and notice she might be slightly off her rocker, most dudes let ish slide cuz they are still getting buns. Conversely if she seems kooky and gives up no cookie, dude bounces faster than Usain Bolt (J-A-M, JAMAICA!!). Here’s the problem:
“How is it that a dude can blatantly tell you, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” during the first date conversations…”
The operative phrase in that statement is RIGHT NOW. Giving the illusion that ish can change. And real talk, that’s a male form of bait. Because dudes know full well if they said all they wanted was to frolic in her moist spaces sans committment forever, she’d probably never give up the cookie, much less some milk.
*****RCLS PSA*****
This Saturday March 14th is Steak and BJ’s day. We dont need cards, but ladies, this is our Vday. Make it special. RightCoastLexSteele cares about the community.
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Lil'T Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
I co-sign this statement. When a man tells a woman something pertaining to the relationship (no matter if it’s good – “I want you to have my babies” or bad – “I just wanna fuh-uh-uh-uhk (that’s me singing like Nate Dogg) you”) we women consider:
1. How do his words compare to his actions?
2. Will this change?
Why? Some men lie. Some men are married and telling reckless stories to single ladies. Some men are gay. Some men just don’t know what the heck they want and flap their jaws anway. Most women have a horror story about taking a man at his word despite his actions. Basically, women read between the lines for good and bad – but sometimes all she’s reading is her own desires.
Women are hard wired to be good listeners. Science proves it over and over again. Maybe the problem is not just that women aren’t listening – maybe they’re listening too well. Women can distinguish between a child’s cry, read between the lines and determine the truthfulness of a child’s statements. And Seattle makes a good point that most men develop the ability as they get older to just say what they mean. So maybe give the ladies a chance to develop an ear for listening to you as an adult, instead of the “decoder” ear she was using with your younger self.
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I’m on the same accord as most of the prior comments. We women like to convince (read: delude) ourselves into believing that we can change his views. “He’s only saying that because he hasn’t had my…” Most people, women & men, filter out any unpleasantries but cling to anything that will offer hope. If a guy is saying that he doesn’t want anything serious, then his actions should support that. Don’t spend nights cuddling with her, and then wonder why she’s completely disregarded your disclaimer from a few weeks ago.
As I stated in a blog, I make sure I know what position I’m playing before I completely step on the field. It’s no fun believing that & behaving like you’re his main girl, when he only views you as his convenience.
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I hear you (tahehe), but I partly disagree.
As an only child, I’ve always had selective hearing. “Oh, my bad, Ma. You said wash the dishes then go to the mall? All I heard was: “You can go to the mall
after you wash the dishes. As a stubborn student, I heard: “Office hours arehighly encouraged butnot mandatory.” As a woman, I hear: “Iown my own business butstill live with my Momsuntil I get it off the ground, the same way a man doesn’t hear “Yes, I have a man.” The point is, we all have selective hearing. Don’t limit it to the women…call ya man friends out, too.All in all, you’ve presented a great theory and even threw the word “proof” around quite a bit…but without providing such. Still looking for it…
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Back on the Scene, its PEYSO Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
but we dont blame ya like ya be blaming us lol
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Seattle Washington Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Ms. Goodness, there’s no better proof than some hands on research. In your earnestness, you just proved exactly what I was saying in this post.
But if that isn’t enough, I’ll just say that I’ve presented where I’m at and where I’m going like a Google map to everyone who wants to join the adventure. Some time flies by and all of a sudden my passenger is telling me that we’re lost. I know where I’m going, if you’re not down for the trip I can drop you off somewhere. Or better yet, don’t hop in the whip if you’re not down for the ride. Hehehehe. I said ride.
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I sadly must confess that I chronically fall into this category. I like to call it “Selective Deafness” though.
I know I hear what a dude is saying, but I like to believe that actions speak louder than words. So, if he says something to me like, “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”, I look at the words “right now” and think that hey maybe if I hang in there things can change. Then I look at his actions and I’m like, okay cool he seems to want me…but only as a friend or only sexually and then I wonder why things are the way they are. Thanks for the post Seattle, everything makes a lot more sense now lol.
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I’ve actually learned a lot via the comments today. It’s amazing how closely we gotta watch what we say cuz people’s ears are like the government listening to our phone conversations for certain keywords. No, I’m not a conspiracy theorist. That was just the best analogy I had at the moment.
I’m still amazed at what a woman will put herself through for a “good” man.
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Good topic.
Here’s a quiz on Cosmo about what men say and what women actually think they are saying: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/you/quiz/guy-phrases-quiz?click=smart
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Actions speak louder than words.
Both men and women SAY one thing but their actions are not lining up.
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