Yeah… I Don’t Like That
Let Them Know Early
Two weeks ago, Slim, a close female friend and I were driving back to Boston after an eventful weekend in the greatest city in the world. To keep me from swerving into the median from lack of sleep, we chatted it up. Eventually a conversation about the horrible New York City traffic evolved into a talk about porn and sex. Must’ve been all the tunnels and engine revving. In any case, we started talking about how the things that are done to the female stars aren’t really liked by most women in real life. Turns out that like any other form of entertainment, and I use that term loosely, not everything is real. Once we got passed the initial shock that a chick wouldn’t want her vagina repeatedly smacked like a trick who was short on the money, we turned the tables and started to tell her about all the stuff we dudes hate.
Needless to say, she was taken back by what we had to say. Which got me thinking, we sometimes don’t let women know that certain activities aren’t cool beforehand. Mainly because they never really ask. They just think we’re heathens that won’t mind any debaucherous thing done to us just because we have some breasts in our faces. Which in the most cases is true. I usually don’t have much to complain about when the girls are out. But there are a few select things that will cause me to spaz. Bring out your pen and paper ladies and please pay attention. It’s for your own good.
I’m Fantastic, Not Mr. Fantastic
You pulling at Tacoma as hard as you can isn’t good for business. I’m not Stretch Armstrong and my piece isn’t an Airhead. Heard it tastes good though. I like to get rough and tumble like the next guy, but geezus. I’ve got to keep that after you leave. I know you want more but you can’t take him with you, so stop pulling so damn hard. It’s not a souvenir, it’s an in-home experience.
My Name is Seattle. I Like It Wet.
One of the first things we men learn from women is that you’ve got to make it rain before you can dive in the pool (in more ways then one). So why the hell would you think that we like you rubbing the mans and ‘em when your hands are drier than the air in Arizona? Get some lotion, use some of the grease from your hair, pull a McGyver, just please geezus get those no. 9 grade sandpaper lined meat hooks you call hands away from me and my piece.
Gen. Pieceinmouth ranks higher than Lt. Nutsuckle
No one likes the Milk Dud Twins to be treated like stepchildren. But they’re not the main attraction. Those guys are just along for the show. If the package was an entourage, the two boys would be the weed carrier and the dude with the heat. They have their purpose, but they wouldn’t even be in the spot without the their friend Dick Dastardly. So ladies, please don’t get caught up and forget about the star of the show. You know it relies on crowd interaction.
That Was My “Oh No” Face
Just like any hug, you need to know when to let go. No one likes the awkwardness of one person holding on longer than the other. A mouth hug is no different. Except instead of cringing because of the weird situation, I’m cringing because it hurts. No, really it does. After it’s all done, Lord Pumpington just wants to be Sir Cuddlesworth for a few. It gets more sensitive than that emo cat you used to pick out dresses with. I appreciate the follow through, but game time was over when the kids exited the floor. It’s time to clean up the gym, sip some Gatorade and get ready for the next match in 5-10.
…Where Is Your Hand Going?
Some dudes like this, some dudes don’t. I’m part of the latter. I’m drawing the line in the sand and letting it be known – do not try to sneak attack my ass. And I’m not saying that figuratively. I really mean, do not try to sneak attack my ass. You are not a military commander and you won’t be planning mission, “Taking the Tunnel Through the Taint”. That area is a one way street. Outbound. Regardless of my opinion, you better ask your man what he likes upfront. I’ve heard of women taking serious physical Ls for sneaking in like they were the Navy Seals. Remember, when you invade foreign lands, you’re considered a terrorist. So stop trying to get in my cave Osama, you will get bombed.
Those are some of my main no-nos, but every dude is different. So fellas help these ladies out – what are some of the things you just can’t stand? Ladies what lines have you unknowingly crossed and what lines would you never want crossed? Pay attention, you don’t want to cross into enemy territory and up like those two Asian reporters.
Seattle – Not Lex Steele, But I Am A Star – Washington
88 Responses to “Yeah… I Don’t Like That”
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Ms. Cherry’s list of no-nos:
No, THAT is not my g-spot – yeah, the g-spot is that pea sized nubby patch on the top about 1-2 inches in… that round thing that feels like a slippery belly button, yeah THAT is my cervix. For the love of all that is holy please STOP pushing at that. That does not FEEL good. Do you want me pushing my finger in the hole at the end of your privates…, okay then don’t push on the hole inside of mine.
They’re nipples not chew toys – I feel like that says it all
Spit is NOT a FDA approved lubricant – You know how when you step out the shower if you don’t put on lotion your skin gets extra dry… that’s because water is drying, hence your spit is making the problem worse not better. K-Y, Motion Lotion, Wet, Astroglide, ID… I’ll let you choose but please find $5 and buy a bottle.
Front to Back – Maybe they don’t teach this to little boys but women wipe from front to back, that’s because you don’t want any bacteria from the back getting in the front, so… if you manage to get a finger, a toy, or Lord Pumpington himself back there, just remember you have to change jackets and wash your hands before coming back through the front door (I would add a pause here but it’s pointless)
There’s a trash can in the bathroom for a reason – I dunno who told men that condoms are flushable but um… yeah, they’re not. There’s toilet paper and a trash can, make use of them both.
Are those Lee Press-ons? – cut that coke nail and the rest of those talons before you come playing in my sandbox. Lady Saw said she rode a bulldozer, not an excavator. Keep those claws to yourself.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 8:06 am
LOL. This list is spot on.
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ASmith Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 8:19 am
Are those Lee Press-ons? – cut that coke nail and the rest of those talons before you come playing in my sandbox. Lady Saw said she rode a bulldozer, not an excavator. Keep those claws to yourself.
I need to reiterate, co-sign and keep going…
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califorN.I.A.love Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 8:42 am
lol. i co-sign this entire list
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Anna Nimous Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 8:48 am
I co-sign this entire list.
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Jaci Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:08 am
*raises Mimosa*
Here, here…I co-sign fully.
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Black and Trapped in Toronto Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:33 am
love this!! lmao
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Ash Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:45 am
I think you covered it all! Perfection…
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ScandalousKS Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 10:59 am
LOL…love it!
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:30 am
Thanks for the support ladies
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Ms. Minx Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:59 am
Co-freaking sign. (Unoriginal, but ah well…)
I’d also add that y’all should kindly not use your teeth on the cooter. Wouldya like me to take a big bite out of Dr. Dickington? There’s your answer!
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Raqi Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 12:16 pm
lol, Co-Sign Ms. Cherry, and Co-sign Ms. Minx
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Anger Management Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:36 pm
I wholeheartedly co-sign. Teeth are an absolute no-no! I really wonder where men get this from, especially since they don’t even like it themselves.
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LMBO, Ms. cherry made some good additions.
Line that’s been crossed:
Teefs (my teeth are big, mistakes happen. lol)
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Um..yeah..kissing..I luuurrrrvvee kissing but dude what the heyell is you ( yes, is you) doing with your tongue! You are not a rattle snake stop flicking your tongue at me…eeeewww!
My ears are for hearing…that’s is and that’s all
Unless you’re crooking your finger in a ‘come here’ motion..thou finga shalt not enter the temple. stop acting like you’re trying to get the last of the peanut butter out the jar!
Speaking of fingas…that back door notion…what makes you think I want it done to me if YOU don’t like it….ask first, it’ll save you a trip to the dentist
I am not a misbehaving child DO NOT spank me…I like taps and some smacking action, but dude don’t discipline me..and switch sides cot dammit!
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:16 am
“I am not a misbehaving child”
Than why are you calling me daddy?
You and Cherry were dead on until you mentioned arguably the biggest complaint men have against black porn… lack of back door action.
Look sweethearts, you are going to have to switch it up sometimes. You are use to taking things in… switching the enterance is like learning to drive an SUV when you already can drive a car. Loosen up… relax…breathe… stop quenching…its not even in yet.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:19 am
oo and just to be clear.. my back door is off limits (pause)
In my analogy men don’t drive anything.
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Smiley Face Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:38 am
I switch, you switch…that’s the deal..period.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 10:35 am
switch what?!
This is the lack of communication that I am talking about. What do you want to do? Take a strap on and plow me down?
THAT DOESN’T TURN YOU ON.. DOESN’T TURN ME ON. ITS NOT AN OPTION…
but… when I give you that one man DP…or when you got a tonue, two fingers and a little pressure from my pinky, you can’t hate on that.
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Smiley Face Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 10:55 am
“This is the lack of communication that I am talking about.”….between whom?
He knows how I feel about it and vice versa…and I didn’t say anything about tossing or stimulation…I said no fingas…no meter los dedos ahí arriba! Reciprocity…don’t get all tight on me if you expect me to get loose for you..that’s the switch.
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Reina Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 10:16 am
“My ears are for hearing…that’s is and that’s all”
Definitely.
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Reecie Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 10:26 am
“My ears are for hearing…that’s is and that’s all’
yes. I’m good on the rest though. LOL
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Anger Management Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:43 pm
“Um..yeah..kissing..I luuurrrrvvee kissing but dude what the heyell is you ( yes, is you) doing with your tongue! You are not a rattle snake stop flicking your tongue at me…eeeewww!”
Amen to this! I kissed this one guy who would flick his tongue as if he was giving me “special” attention. I quit him mid-kiss.
“My ears are for hearing…that’s is and that’s all”
This is my absolute pet-peeve!! I HATE when men lick my ears.
1. The sound of the spit in your mouth as you open it is disgusting. and
2. It feels like a freaking wet willy. STOP. IT. NOW.
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I was pissin myself reading this. Very funny + well written.
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I am with Nick..I uses dem teef…all the time and it is NOT accidental…is that line crossing? They always like it!
Umm…do not attempt a sneak attack on my as!s either.
And…FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED DO NOT C#UM ANYWHERE YOU HAVEN’T ASKED PERMISSION FIRST.
That is all.
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Shawn Smith Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:28 am
I vote no to teef Jac.
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Jaci Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Shawn…
I use teef in a manner that will make a grown man cry….
I told you there have been NO complaints!
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Reecie Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 12:15 pm
we will all just have to take your word for it, Jaci. lol
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Couldn’t the grown man crying be from pain?
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Black and Trapped in Toronto Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:34 am
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED DO NOT C#UM ANYWHERE YOU HAVEN’T ASKED PERMISSION FIRST.
Amen rev Jaci!
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Peyso Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 10:18 am
Permission?!?! GTFOH LOL
Its uncontrollable sometimes…..
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:32 pm
What am I supposed to do, call air traffic control? You going to break out the glow sticks and wave me in? Is the specified area going to light up so I can see it in the dark?
I’ve made sure you don’t get pregnant and or catch it in the face (if you don’t like that that is). After that my job is done.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:44 am
Keep using your teeth at will and you’ll have some extra toothpaste and shampoo to take home with you.
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Jaci Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 12:15 pm
You must like it? LOL…sounds like I have a candidate to try my new technique
Right now I am into this whole tip thing I need to explore that more..
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Nah I was being sarcastic. I meant that I’d uncontrollably skeet on a chick’s teeth or in their hair if they purposely used their teeth on Tacoma. Without remorse.
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Jaci Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Seattle…
It’s a very pleasurable thing..you don’t do it hard…just a slight grazing to give the illusion of a chill…
It’s never in almost 11 years been met with don’t do thats or WTF?!
I’m telling you I know this!
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:37 am
“FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED DO NOT C#UM ANYWHERE YOU HAVEN’T ASKED PERMISSION FIRST.”
Or at least use discretion. Nothing is worse then waking up the next morning to find your nice silk duvet cover ruined… like damn, could you at least have aimed for the sheets, somewhere that doesn’t require dry cleaning…
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Jaci Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 12:16 pm
YES!
Once as a freshman in college I rolled over and put my hand down…and I was like I will kill your *bleep bleep bleep* I was so mad…My other pillow was covered…
That deranged sociopath was never welcomed again!
And I made his a$s pay for my cleaning!
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I feel strange.. b/c the same exact situation happened to me… but I was a soph and refused to pay for the cleaning by playing it off like it was her stains, which she didn’t buy since she wasn’t of the squirt clan…
Jaci don’t be mad at me.. I mean that dude. He must have been backed up for a while. However, I feel into this problem b/c the cheap rubber broke… what were you doing dodging the ‘results’ to begin with?
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Jaci Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 8:03 pm
I should beat you…no that fool was jacking off while I was sleeping…if it had been during the act I wouldn’t have minded…
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CHeeKZ likes being beat Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:44 pm
ooooo damn!
I swear y’all have the best stories. lmao!
The events of that night prior to you falling asleep is the only thing that could save that man’s self respect.
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Omg I was dyin laughing reading this (and Ms. Cherry’s addendums)!!! Too funny!!
I am definitely guilty of the tug o’ war action. I just get so excited! I wanna take it with me. =P
I think EVERYONE could use a lot more communication in the bedroom. When I was in my first serious LTR, I flat out asked my ex for specific directions on what he likes and dislikes with head. At first he was hesitant, but once he got into it, he realized what a difference it makes! Now I’m a pro! Pause?
So if you want what you want, men, tell her! If you think she’ll feel like you’re criticizing and not wanna do it anymore, then suffer the consequences of bad sex for however long it lasts… And ladies, ask how to improve performance! Decrease your chances of him going elsewhere for it!
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Just the tip – If you are down there, go for the gusto. Don’t just kiss the tip and think “I’m done”. That’s like me giving you one lick and asking “are you wet yet?”
Speak on it – If I live alone, shout it out. Don’t whisper. If you want it, saying “go deeper daddy” in a low voice ain’t gone get it. If you want something, say it.
Baby talk – “you gone give me some nookie?” Nope. Not until you ask for it like a grown woman.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 9:32 am
Co-Sign all anti-Baby Talk….
its called doing grown up for a reason.
And be descriptive. Learn to use adjectives and proper nouns.
“Stick it in”
Well, what is it?
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“Gen. Pieceinmouth ranks higher than Lt. Nutsuckle”
This varies from man to man, so its so important to communicate…bring that shit up in the middle of dinner if you have to!!! I will actually ask if i am neglecting lt.nutsuckle, just to make sure..because in my experience men dont say nothing, they just twitch and twitch could mean ohhh your tongue is cold & it tickles OR ohhh no stop!…but the nuts are really very sensitive similar to nipples…ladies focus on the helmet hard hat…thats where the goodness is
and scene……..
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Peyso Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 10:21 am
Nutty mental image “at the goodness” (Pun slightly intended)
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Ms. Cherry list is dead on! CO-SIGN LOL
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Seattle great post. I’m sure this will make for a very entertaining day.
I see how Ms Cherry bought the heat today. Not shocking since my favorite porn star this month is Tia Cherry and I am convinced you are the same person, no matter what you say.
Seattle, Tia Cherry, Jaci and Smiley inspired my list:
Jaci, I will ask you where I will finish. Only if you promise to give me a respectable area to come. A towel or your shin does not count. You should switch the area up AND
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I’m feeling shy this morning so I’ll just commend you on a hilarious post. That pic is classic.
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Seattle great post. I’m sure this will make for a very entertaining day.
I see how Ms Cherry bought the heat today. Not shocking since my favorite porn star this month is Tia Cherry and I am convinced you are the same person, no matter what you say.
Seattle, Tia Cherry, Jaci and Smiley inspired me today:
Jaci, I will ask you where I will finish. Only if you promise to give me a respectable area to come. A towel or your shin does not count. You should switch the area up AND be encouraging when I bust. If you give me the green lite to blast off your tongue don’t be looking at me all strange like I am feeding you cow dong. Look like you are enjoying it and don’t move until the last drop.
Cherry… yeast infections disgust me too. I have three letters for you: A.T.M. If you think your love juices taste so good they should only add to the flavor of my beef jerkme.
I know you think you are good on top, but you are not. Watch a Roxy Reynolds video and learn something.
Smiley.. If my smacks hurt you need more ass. Eat something. You should like your hair pulled, being choked and getting tapped…atleast some of the time.
If I am down here doing all this licking, hurting my bottom jaw you better look at me so I can enjoy the faces I am creating. I am like an artist and your expressions are my masterpiece. No Stevie Wonder.
Lastly.. that gag reflex you have. Get rid of it. If Nia wants to put teeth on something let it be my pelvic bone.
No Bush need apply, this aint the Today Show. Learn to put an arch in the back. And keep a sense of humor without runing the atmosphere.
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Smiley Face Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:04 am
“Smiley.. If my smacks hurt you need more ass. Eat something. You should like your hair pulled, being choked and getting tapped…at least some of the time.”..I see you wanna pick on me…ok, lol
You no speaka da english?? I said I DON’T MIND (hell I like it!) the tapping and the smacking…just don’t be whupping my @ss like I showed out in Walmart or something! dammit switch sides, my left cheek would like some attention too! and as far as what size it is…there’s a reason why it measures “got dayum” and it ain’t all hips either.
Hair pulling is fine by me…ifn you can manage to grab all 2 inches of my hair…have at it.
Choking…for serious..? You need Jesus.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:42 am
dont judge me, I already know I’m a bad boy.
I don’t have much use for Jesus but I’m sure Mary Magdalene could get it… raw too b/c they didn’t have AIDS back than.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:45 am
Everyday, you prove over and over again why you are the winner of Three Ways to Take It’s “Raw Award”. Undoubtedly.
I sometimes fear what you will say next and, furthermore, what the next person will have to say to take the belt next year.
From one asshole to another, much respect sir.
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she's a maN.I.Ac, maN.I.A.c on the floor.... Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:48 am
wow. you never cease to surprise me, CheekZ.
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Smiley Face Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Not judging just smh..next time I see a bald limping chick with asthma, I’ll know why
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 12:11 pm
you guys are going to make me cry….
its nice to be appreciated.
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Rox Reply:
September 2nd, 2009 at 12:08 am
HAHAHAHAHA… ohho man. Didn’t expect anything less.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:29 am
“I am like an artist and your expressions are my masterpiece. No Stevie Wonder.”
lmao… hilarious!
Also, Cherry is my first name. That heifer Tia is way to red bone and slanty eyed to be me. I have more of a brown sugar complexion, my hair is real and my fun bags are bigger.
Yes, I said fun bags, and you love it
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:57 pm
the fact that you know who she was gets you major boner points.
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Streetztalk Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 3:04 pm
You got pics? otherwise this is a hollow post.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Hollow?!!?!… it’s a bountiful 34H post, but alas there will be no photos.
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Time to trim the hedges – I don’t mind hair as long as it’s trimmed. Noting slows the action down than trying to cough up a hair or two.
Speak on it 2 – Tell me what you want. If you want something specifically, tell me. I take well to direction. Sometimes you may want the slow grove, and then sometimes you want the hard and ruff stuff. How am I supposed to know until you say it.
Gifts aren’t just for Christmas – Even though though the lingerie will only last for a minute or two, we still like looking at it. When you dress up for us, it makes us feel like you are giving us you as a present. Sometimes it’s the anticipation of unwrapping the greatest gift that gets us more excited.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:40 am
Co-sign. Nothing worse than removing the panties to see an afro puff that even Angela Davis and Lady of Rage would shake their heads at.
Who do I look like? John Deere? Bushwhack Bill? GTFOH with that!
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Streetztalk Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Real Talk I once met a young lady who had an Erykah Badu Hairstyle on her playpen. Like wow. You could literally GRAB the Hair and pull!!! smh…
My list includes:
Weapon X: ladies, its sexy when you grab and scratch our backs. Wehn you leave 3rd degree scratches, draw blood, or try to slice up our delts to the white meat, we have a problem!
Crazy Requests: I aint never scurred, but when you ask me to choke you, punch you in the face, or hit you with the Pedigree/Sweet Chin Music/RKO/DDT while we sexin will have me raisin an eyebrow. I aint tryna goto jail woman!!
lol
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 1:06 pm
How about women who ask to be called a b*tch while you gettin at it?
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Streetztalk Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Ill whisper it to test the waters… then raise my vocie accordingly
Verbal > Physical lmao
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BlueFlame Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Yea…i will punch a ninja in the throak…yes throak…if he calls me a b*tch lol…themz be fightin words! i think the rules of dirty talk should be established beforehand…
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Streetztalk Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:34 pm
I would never say that shyt. If she asked, knowin me id say “huh?!” lmaooo thats just crazy to me.
Ill talk forceful, cause yall like that. Cursin and callin chicks out they name… im good lol.
….unlessyawannadoit (c) Nelly
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:47 am
That trim goes both ways (pause)… Why is the hair on your thighs so nappy. I have sensitive skin, I’m not trying to get rug burn on my cheeks.
Personally, I’d like you to remove as much hair as possible, at least trim it back.
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she's a maN.I.Ac, maN.I.A.c on the floor.... Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:52 am
i was just thinking this. fellas, do trim it down. if i have to choke on something, i would rather it not be a stray hair….
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 1:13 pm
I have been trying to tell my people for yrs about trimming.. but these dudes are just bull headed and think its ghaye.
Better look, better feel, more aerodynamic… I don’t know what is not to like about a nice tappered up piece (PAUSE X 5). Pubic hair is like foreskin, unsanitary and unaesthetic.
Just gotta watch the razor with the kids kreators, hard to operated machinery in there. I use to go with the hair remover, but I left it on too long once and it wasn’t pretty.
If N.I.A. and Cherry promise to go down together… I would be willing to get it waxed, I think that is a more than fair trade to you ladies advantage.
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this list is pretty accurate across the board i would imagine.
“That Was My “Oh No” Face”
yeah just how woman like you to stop after they’ve reached the mountain top because they are really sensitive. that is the same with us. after about 5-10 seconds you can stop. lol
also let me add some more:
~i’ve only had one hickie in my life. it wasn’t cool back in the day and it ain’t cool now. while i love a little suction around my neck please don’t go overboard. smh.
~i know i may be taking you to ecstasy but i don’t need wolverine like claw prints on my back. that shit burns in the shower. pause.
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1.) Nibbling on clitoris is nice…acting like you still salty bout not gettin cast as the main character in Jaws (ie…the cot damn SHARK!) is NO BUENO! Why fools be tryna be extra aggressive with such a SENSITIVE part of the anatomy is a mystery to me to this day…Smh!
2.) I’m doing the People’s Elbow on you for a REASON, fool…please stop trying to suck my nipples like they’re the straw to a super thick McDonald’s shake! I don’t particularly like breast play in the first place, hence the reason I’m laying silent and inactive as u suck away on my Fun Bags (co-sign). Please navigate a tad bit lower and stop the Hoover action. Thanks!
3.) How bout we make foreplay last longer than a timeout in a Dolphins v. Saints game? (I’m from South Florida…sue me!) The Box of Miracles and Joy (aka the Goodie Bag or Juice Box) does not magically lube herself up! She needs your head (ahem) in the game. 2 finger pokes, a kiss on the neck and an a$$ slap as you bark ‘Turn over!’ in my ear does not suffice. Fool!
4.) Attention. I’m all for a LITTLE anal play…but if you try to bum rush (hehehe…pun much?) my…uh…bum…then
I’m gonna have a Lorena Bobbit flashbackproblems will arise. That is all. Ask first and you won’t have to gum the turkey at the next Thanksgiving dinner.5.) I have passed several standardized appitude tests in my career as a student and beyond…now is NOT the time to be giving me SAT flashbacks! Stop quizzing me! I’m trying to concrentrate on Busting me a N*t (no Trina)…not pass the Florida Bar! Shut up and thronx!
Just a short list as most of my No Bueno’s have already been mentioned. Love the blog by the way…check it daily!
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Streetztalk Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:05 pm
I.Fuking.DIED!!!
“I’m doing the People’s Elbow on you for a REASON, fool…
THis killed me hahahahah
I almost caught the Dusty Rhodes bionic elbow for nibblin the nipples a lil too tuff. after that i was a changed man. Ha!
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Chelz "Ninja! I am NOT tryna have a hysterectomy in my own bedroom, thank u!" Da Vixen Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Lol…well I’m glad somebody trained you…that ish chaps my hyde!
Then there are the classic “Uno Boobers”…aka the dudes who fondle and kiss just ONE boob and neglect the other one completely. Makes me wanna do my best David Beckham impression on his family jewels! My left breast is NOT a stepchild! Hmph…
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Streetztalk Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:54 pm
U knwo whats funny? I thought Uno Boobin was known as a no-no? Ive heard the horror stories from women whove taken a trip on Streetz Space Mountain, and it bugs me out. its common sense to be symetrical.
and as for the bitin, lol my younger days… sometimes yall like that rough and that throws me off. So im gentle until proven roughneck
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Reecie Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 3:33 pm
men can be straight disrespectful to nipples. sheesh, they HURT. all pain isn’t pleasure. but yea light pressure is a win.
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she's a maN.I.Ac, maN.I.A.c on the floor.... Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:50 pm
co-sign #1, and #2 (except, i like breast play, just don’t chew on my chocolate nips…use your tongue and fingers. light pressure to the girls will yield incredible results.)
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How do guys feel about the use of toys? Some of my male friends told me they get offended when their girl breaks out a toy right after they “finish.” They don’t mind if she uses it (them) while he’s physically away from her but not while, or after they have play time…The way I figure it…it’s a way to give some resting time lol…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Keep the party going. Keep it wet while I head to grab some water. I’m all about setting records.
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Streetztalk Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I may be like wow if she pulled it out RIGHT after. That means you didnt lay it down corect. period. Using the toys during? Thats a def!
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CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 3:17 pm
i am going to No-sign this.
I think it was during this past week’s Eff ‘em Fridays when God revealed through me that we will let Souljia Boy record a song for every ‘toy’ used for self stimulation… I love hip hop too much…
Seriously, like Streetz said… if she had to pull it out right after wards that is a straight insult. No way about it… she is showing you up and you are a failure. Fail of Epic Proportion. This was suppose to be a team activity. Together we fail, divided you rabbit?
But during the act, I am open to seeing a toy. But still would not like to see. I’m not into plastic in anyway. I like natural human skin and touch. Although I do encourage you to rub yourself while I’m going to town with the throanx. I find that sight to be very indusive to my own climax.
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she's a maN.I.Ac, maN.I.A.c on the floor.... Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 3:25 pm
the silver bullet is a great little device to use during the act. seriously, used it once while riding the great black hope, and lost all control. he was i happy, i was
blacked outhappy. those were good times…Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 4:08 pm
yo I don’t want to sound like a prude N.I.A… believe me I am all about as much fun as possible.
even the story you tell sounds pretty pants raising… I mean hair raising. Once in a while I am cool with it… but if the greatest joy of your life came from an electronic device that robs me of all the glory. Who is to say that guy’s ‘hope’ had anything to do with your blackout.. we could of stuck a tailpipe up there and showed you a picture of Morris Chestnut and got the same reaction. I’m in it for the glory. I don’t want to be the backup QB for the Super Bowl winning team, I want to be Tom Brady (No Giselle)
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she's a maN.I.Ac, maN.I.A.c on the floor.... Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 5:00 pm
first…wow. a tailpipe and Morris Chestnut? really? that’s just wrong, CheekZ, wrong I say!!
second, in this case, the device is just the side dish that accompanies the maincourse. i’ve tried to repeat it w/o the man, and the affect doesn’t come close.
third, it’s not for all the time. just for special occassions or when you’re feeling a little
drunkadventurous.Reply
BlueFlame Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 6:42 pm
I didn’t think that a little extra buzz action would take away from the experience…it adds to it lol…and using it alone isn’t the same as the real thing…it just appeases in the mean time…
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If you want some suckie, then make sure your private area is thoroughly cleaned.
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I would punch a broad square in the face for tongue jacking my shit box.
Never tell a man what to do with his condom… the things a woman may do to get pregnant… I’m not leaving traces of anything for you to get your hands on, thus it’s going down the toilet whether the toilet will flush it or not. The toilet DOES flush it btw.
What’s up with the beating off stuff though? There is no woman who can beat me better than I can. I am with you cause I need to accomplish somethings in life I can’t accomplish alone. The lotion is to rubbed in our backs, not to distract you later cause you gonna have to suck it off.
Just swallow it! Your blowing the mood! Doing clean up jobs is like taking a time out during a fast break in a bball game to wipe up some sweat! I know it’s not the most delicious delicacy, but it is nutritious lol! J/k. (Well it may be) However, I have never met a man opposed to swallowing the natural juices of a man. In fact, most will agree that it is the true Popeye Spinach. Thus, take it like a man, but like a lady!
Do not call like it’s a booty call, and it’s that time of the month. If you want some attention, just tell someone. There is no worse way to get a cold shoulder all night for teasing a man just to get some attention.
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