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Shallow Seattle
::Shout out to the beautiful and witty Southern Belle for suggesting the topic::
Growing up, the overall attractiveness of the girl you had and how frequently you pulled said PYTs were judged as ferociously as your gear and overall steez. Yeah steez, not swagger. Hate to say it, but as a result I had/have a penchant for going after beautiful women to wife. Although they are quite different, each one of the women I actually dated has been what mainstream society deems attractive. But this isn’t about inflating my ego, anyone can bag an attractive woman. However, dating an intelligent and attractive one, now that’s the real challenge.
The mentality of going after only “beautiful” women stuck with me for awhile, even through college. There are a lot of factors that made me mature, but I remember one instance in particular. I was out with some coworkers awhile back, hanging out with one of my 30+, single friends. We were out on some bar patio drinking beers and flirting with these two young ladies. I wasn’t looking to go any further with either, so when the two girls escorted themselves to the bathroom I asked which one he was going after. I was going into instant Wingman mode (Cue Wingman Theme Music As My Cape Blows in the Wind). Much to my surprise he wasn’t going after the more generally attractive young lady, but her homely friend. I quickly asked “Why?”, thinking he spotted some mascara covered blister on the cute one’s lip. He retorted, and I paraphrase, because that one is dumb as bricks and then proceeded to let me know that things change when you get older.
Damn right they do. Earlier, I would let things rock when some of the young ladies I dated couldn’t go tit for tat with me with their wit or didn’t understand my sense of humor. I just figured my original comedic stylings as well as my “Wedding Crashers” and “Anchorman” references would be best reserved for my boys. That is until I met a few young ladies, one in particular, that changed the game for the kid. What? Women can hold decent conversation and I don’t have to hold back on my intelligence? That’s like letting Tyrone Biggums know he could smoke crack without all the addiction and weight loss. That’s it, I’m going to the Witty Woman Giveaway. Please excuse my naivete, but previously I just thought women did this magical transformation from “cool” to “girlfriend mode” when they started seriously dating.
My whole mind frame is shaken up post my Witty Women Awakening. After all this even the finest model looking women instantly lose their shine when they can’t talk about anything more than a Louis Vuitton bag or what their favorite The Dream song is. It’s like closing your checking account to go back to Western Union to cash your checks – once you have one, the other just isn’t the same. And even if they don’t know better, I do. So with this newly gained perspective, I find myself smiling, nodding and gracefully bowing out of what she thinks is a “conversation” to look for someone who understands what a witty rapport really is.
Sarcasm and wit are big parts of my personality and there’s nothing more attractive to me than someone that also dabbles or, even better, is looking to master Verbal Jujitsu. However, I realize that I’m part of a unique segment. I was talking to one such witty, attractive young lady awhile back and she let me know that some of her like minded girls get no love mostly because their mouths, or more likely what comes out of them, scare dudes off.
So I ask you fellas out there, do you prefer a chick that keeps the eyes or the mind entertained? Are you as interested in what comes out of their mouths as what can go into it? And ladies, what do you do when that Tyson Beckford stunt double ends up being as bland as a Wheat Thin sans the Brie? Let’s all see how shallow, or deep, you all really are. Pause.
Seattle – Thank God, You Have More To Say Than Just My Name – Washington
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*taps mike*
Ahem….this thing on? Been lurking for a WHILE, but I decided to speak up @ 4:21Am east coast time…don’t judge me.
Anywho…while I’m convinced that I am Thee Flyyest young woman to grace mankind, I’m sure my chocolate brown skin, thick sista girl lips, short n not so flowing hair and average body proportions may not be societies Bees Knees…however I can go toe to toe with ANYONE…male, female, young, old and inbetween. Slick mouth mixed with Caribbean roots and a Southern upbringing will do that to you. Every guy I have evere dealt with have always touted my attitude, knowledge of movies/tv/music and sarcastic jokes the #1 thing they were attracted to (hmmm…scratch that and make it #2 cuz the Lips are no joke…blessed baby!) and the main thing that set me apart in the first place.
While I will say I’m considered to be pretty and attractive by many I’ve been passed over COUNTLESS times for more beautiful video vixen/model/diva-type women who can’t string a sentence together only to be ‘reconsidered’ by said men once my wit and intelligence is revealed. To them I say ‘negro be gone!’…glad to know with maturity comes God given good sense and character…all is not (yet) lost…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Welcome Chelz! So what were you doing the minute before you decided to respond?
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I would much rather prefer a man with mediocre looks and a witty personality over a dumb as rocks Idris Elba type.
I dated a guy who was fine, but once he opened his mouth and everything he said had to do with how attractive he was, he began to look like Gargamel. He had to go.
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CHeeKZ McWire Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Idris Elba… How are you going to talk about Stringer Bell like that. If that man can hide he London accent and create one of the most complicated and sophisticated drug rings in mordern times.. I think homeboy could hold a conversation with a lady…
Sorry Huge Wire Fan.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Naw. lol. I wasn’t talking about him. I HEART HIM. He’s my one exception (that I am allowed to cheat on my boo with) lol
I was saying that even if a man is as fine as him had nothing upstairs, I wouldn’t be able to do it.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Mr. Mention Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:56 am
“Well then don’t sell drugs, Frank. Get a real job. You need a job? Why don’t you come open my doors, drive me around…yes suh Mr. Tango, No suh Mr. Tango…”
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Single Black Male Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
I don’t … if Halle Berry came around with asinine conversation … I actually think I could overlook it.
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I’m prolly one of the least shallow people out there. I’d take the wit, intellect, and similar interests over the dazzling model any day. Granted, I do need to be at least somewhat attracted to her physical appearance. She can’t be a wildebeest.
Come to think of it, I actually despise shallow chicks for a multitude of reasons. I won’t list them here though. That’s another post in itself.
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Southern Belle Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:49 am
If I could ‘thumbs up’ this statement, I’d do it
threewaysthree times.Reply
yeah i need a woman who can hold a conversation. who has wit and charm. there is nothing worse than an attractive woman who has the personality and intelligence of a wet sock. i’d definitely prefer a woman who wasn’t as attractive but had a better overall personality and was smarter. but the key is to find a woman who has both.
“Earlier, I would let things rock when some of the young ladies I dated couldn’t go tit for tat with me with their wit or didn’t understand my sense of humor. I just figured my original comedic stylings as well as my “Wedding Crashers” and “Anchorman” references would be best reserved for my boys./”
- this part of the post really stuck out to me because most women don’t get my sense of humor. i’m known to randomly blurt out a superbad or nacho libre quote and she’ll look at me with o_O face. i can’t help it if you don’t understand. “That’s like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift. ” lolol.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:56 am
My dude, when you make a reference like that and some chick bursts out laughing and then retorts with her own “Stay Classy San Diego”-esque reference, it’ll be the happiest day of your life.
Just realized that if my wifey and, at some point, wife is supposed to be my best friend, then she has to be like my friends. And my friends “snap and trap” all day. Please check my twitter for references.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
I don’t mind the “I love lamp” dudes..@ least they put a smile on my faces
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Tunde Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
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Tunde Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Man how i wish. lol.
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Luvvie Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
For this comment, you are a saint (like Dorothy Mantooth)
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Its because of my ability to hold a conversation about any/everything and still quote your favortie rap song, identify any movie with one quote, & chop it up about why b*tch ass kobe will smash denver, that I’m always deemed as the best gf ever.
But if a dude can’t change the subject and talk about something other than that, he’s useless. A waste of specimen.
By the way, Anchorman is HEELARIOUS.
“AHHHHHHHH MILK WAS A BAD CHOICEEEEE”. <-funny.
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Tunde Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Its sooooo hot!
Ron, I know this may seem harsh. But God does not want her to live. rotflmao.
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i often surprise people, im hella pretty (yeah I said hella), (modelly pretty..maybe) and..I’m funny as hell, plus super intelligent and far from shallow and super down to earth..(guess thats the hood in me)..I dont “look how I act”
I dated a dumb dude..cute as hell, had plenty of money, but didn’t know what the hell frugal meant and he called croutons *crupons* lol. I was like the smartest girl in the world to him
He was still cool tho, I didn’t hold that against him.
what is annoying is the guy who can ONLY talk intellect with NO sense of humor…
gotta balance it out dude
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KindredSmile Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Crupons? Really?! I would have ended the date right then and there.
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I’d take personality over looks anyday. I would rather be with someone that makes me laugh than a person thats there for my viewing pleasure. You can always grow into liking someones physical attributes.
I wasn’t attracted to the guy I’m currently seeing at first. I even said I wasn’t interested a few times. Once he made conversation with me, he had me hooked. He had such a way with words, he was friendly and outgoing. After some long late night talks and the first time having sex, the physical attraction came. The way he held me, kissed me and looked into my eyes definitely changed my view on his appearance.
It’s true when they say, Looks aren’t everything.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:11 am
See, this is a situation where persistence leads to perseverance. What happened on his first few attempts?
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Considering the non existent attractiveness of my son’s father… I go for brains. Love love love techies, geeks, whatever you want to call them. The downside is that I love sports and most real to the core geeks don’t, and of course they look awkward. So I’m loving this whole transition of our generation of techies with swagger.
I don’t consider myself to be extremely attractive (I look good and I’m conceited) but for some reason guys find me intimidating. Not sure why. My problem is that guys date me and I turn out to be so freakin cool that I become one of the guys… yea it sucks. I will admit that I’m slow at some humor but once I pick up on your personality, I get it. I’m more so very dorky, goofy if you know what I mean lol.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:09 am
“My problem is that guys date me and I turn out to be so freakin cool that I become one of the guys… yea it sucks.”
Hmm, so they realize you’re cool, and then tell you that they just wanna be friends? Do they try to beat? Idk. If you’re attractive and really cool, does that not make you ideal? Perhaps that’s exactly it. It’s too good to be true and thus intimidating. I guess I just answered my own question.lol.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Behold the inner workings of Slim Jackson’s mind!
Lol @ your thought process, but it’s true family. Find a woman who has all the things you look for and, if you’re not ready for that, you’ll find yourself back away slowwwwly.
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Reign Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:44 am
some don’t back away slowly, that keep you close enough for when they’re ready, and there’s still a connection and a small possibility.
and then others marry the chick that comes right after you who is completely wrong for them. and all you hear about is “why didn’t I marry you?” SMDH that’s happened 3 times.
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Sowhatiff Jenkins Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
so annoying…
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Reign Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Hate the word ideal… it’s frustrating that a guy won’t commit because they think “you’re too good to be true.” ish sucks but I’m use to it now. They do try to beat or make jokes about it. But I don’t get that close to guys I really like because I’m looking for more.
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:41 am
My experience is guys want that perfect stepford woman. I’m not her. I drink, I’m loud, i am fun, play video games. Its just their fantasy wife. Then they get their fantasy wife and are completely BORED lol
and miserable
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Nyela "I'm so fierce" Goodness Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Sometimes they come around when you’re not looking for more.
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Reign Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
@ True: I guess I’m missing your point? I have a drink nightly, play sports, play video games, and dreaming about a Spyder for next year. One thing I am not is loud and for good reason… annoying.
I don’t know what dudes you holla at (vice versa) or are associated with but the dudes I know aren’t looking for the Stepford Wife or a chick that’s loud. Guys that shy away from the woman they say they want are not yet a Man and have more growing up to do to understand what they really want. Boredom is not a problem.
I personally have met my ideal man and he was annoying! Shit happens… just move on to the next.
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While I admire that you folks look for personality, I find it hard to believe I was the only one swimming in the shallows for awhile.
It always seems to be the most crowded part of the pool…
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Reign Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:46 am
It’s the most crowded part of the pool for people who aren’t looking for committment. you’re just enjoying yourself, dating, and smashing the attractive ppl because you can. doesn’t matter if they’re smart or not, they’re not staying for the long-term.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Reign makes some good points with this succinct comment. I support.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Definitely a good point.
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Yea, so I thought I preferred intelligence over looks. BUT, I don’t. Now, before you start judging me, I would just like to say that the reason I don’t prefer intelligence over looks is because I want both. Why? Because, I am both. I am attractive and intelligent and I want a man who is too.
I want a man whose my equal in every way so, that when I tell my friends I’m finally in a relationship, they will know that I have truly met my match. But, for real having both qualities is important because looks are what you intially see and if you find that the person has a great personality to go with it, it makes it all the more better.
Yes, I have dated guys I wasn’t initially attracted to and that was cool but, the ones with good looks and personalities stick out in my mind more because there was no initial debate.
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I am attracted to looks first…not shallow just keeping it real? I’ve been real lucky so far…any bf I have ever had has been given thumbs up by friends and whoever. it’s not so much the level of intelligence that turns me off of the pretty boy-it’s the personality of the pretty boy that is revealed to me after the representative takes flight.
With wit and intellect you gotta be careful…as engaging as their conversation may be..so may be their game? meaning that they may entice more than just you???
I want a dummy…a cute loyal dummy..if I want to have an intellectual conversation I talk to myself.
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Great post. In my younger days I was a sucker for a pretty face. I would date a fine, dumb man in a hot second. One in particular could have been my betrothed if he just shut up and looked pretty sometimes. This dude was SO dumb, he asked me why on earth I would leave my “good” (read transitional, fresh out of undergrad) job to go to law school. *Cricket, Cricket* We ended soon thereafter.
Now that I am older, finer and wiser, I really need more than a pretty face. I love men that are charming and funny and intelligent, and that often comes with some unique features and height challenges, lol. It’s all good though, because once you become enchanted with somebody they become the sexiest thing walking, to you.
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I always tell the girls, “He better have some sense because you can’t have a relationship with his face.”
While men have to be bearable to look at, I prefer a man who prides himself on something other than his physical strengths. Money can buy you a new face, hell even some calf implants, but it definitely can’t buy you a personality and that is a severe problem. I’m going to go out on a limb and make people mad:
While women mature faster than men, I’d say that men stay shallow until about age 25 while women let that mess go after college (22ish?) I think it has to do with what we’re looking for, men want to settle down with a career & build financial stability while women want to start making plans for a family. While I know fully well that most of the readers at ThreeWays are outliers, I ask that you consider the majority of the people around you before you decide to rip apart my assertions (like your girl Kelly whose life goal is to a Real Housewife of D.C. or your ex-NFL football player friend who’s still trickin’ 5 years after playing college ball.)
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RightCoastLexSteele, Deep as a Rock Glass Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Oh dear. I’ll go out on a limb as well and say that maturity and shallowness are slightly exclusive. Yea, women probably mature faster than men, but that doesnt mean the shallowness goes away. Some women live their entire lives as label whores and status groupies.
And you can SOOOOOO have a relationship w/ his face.
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:43 am
*agrees with lex steele*
I completely lack the shallow gene…seriously..I hate corny tho
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Southern Belle Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Smh, I walked right in to that one. You can have somewhat of a relationship with his face.
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Brookland's OWn Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
“While women mature faster than men, I’d say that men stay shallow until about age 25 while women let that mess go after college (22ish?)”
Physically, perhaps! Mentally, HA! Not necessarily especially since you’re mostly emotional creatures as supposed to logical in your early post college years.
Newayz, female w/brains and looks is a must if you would like to enter my portion of the pool. If I can speak to you about topics from A-Z and u make me want to do kama sutra positions from A-Z, ur a WINNER!
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ashbunnie Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I love the relationship I have with my man’s face. I always leave a happy camper!
=]
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Gemini women are glib, self-assured, and sophisticated. Smart, sassy, and sarcastic, these women will always have the last word. Often exceptionally good looking, Gemini women are more interested in showing off their brain power.
truer words have never been spoken…
the not so bright need not apply!
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niasmomma Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Gemini woman over here!! The wit is endless and we welcome intellectual challenges, rivalry, competitions, word games, etc. We’re natural educators and communicators. I love a man who can really “talk” to me (especially dirty talk… (sighing) I digress) and keep up with the flow and tone of the conversation.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
yes yes, the way to the heart of our kind is thru the mind……you can’t stimulate the mental you won’t be stimulating anything else, at least not for long LOL
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KindredSmile Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Gems stand up! Our birthday season is here!
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I have always been and will always be shallow. I’m 5-10 minutes late to work because I get caught in the mirror admiring myself after my shower. Can’t help it. But I think I’m just shallow about different stuff now. For example, if you went to public school at any point in life, you need not apply. Maybe it’s more uppity than shallow, but with each passing day my prism of what’s acceptable is narrowing, and I’m getting more obsessive about it. I think it goes without saying that your ideal mate should have a mix of looks and smarts unless your just looking for a trophy mate. My short list of shallowness includes :
1. If you don’t have business card, you probably don’t have a real job and I probably won’t remember your name. Vistaprint does not count.
2. If you ever went to a school that started w/ P.S. or ended with the word “State”, have a nice day.
3. You got bring home the same as me or more. Normally most men would find a woman that makes more than them intimidating, but my acct is one of the chosen people. I ain’t goin broke no time soon.
4. Your hair must be yours. No exceptions. None. And the soul fro isn’t cool. Consult a dominican.
That’s just the short list.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:23 am
O M G!
And you said I need to come off my high horse !!????
“Vistaprint does not count.”
“And the soul fro isn’t cool. Consult a dominican.”
lmaooooo..thanks for making my day
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RightCoastLexSteele, Deep as a Rock Glass Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:26 am
My high horse is so much better than yours.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:29 am
I take the aforementioned compliment back. Don’t make me get off my high horse and come straighten you out!
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RightCoastLexSteele, Deep as a Rock Glass Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Well I already made your day and I can’t take that back, so I’m keepin the compliment.
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Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
You’ve won this round Lex…mad about it!
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niasmomma Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Late for work because you’re “admiring yourself” in the mirror after your morning shower? THAT’s what we call a morning JO, now? Oh… Iain’t know.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Deep as a Rock Glass Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Nope…the morning JO is all taken care of by then.
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 11:44 am
*vomits* @ rightcoast
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RightCoastLexSteele, Deep as a Rock Glass Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Who vomits @ someone? Good Lord.
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
lmao!
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ashbunnie Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Soul Fro is hilarious.
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I love this blog so much. The responses are always so clever.
Truth be told, I go for looks first. I’m a sucker for a nice smile.
I like to feel smarter (in at least one aspect) than the man I’m dating. I remember dating a guy that I took to a Japanese restaurant once and had him try fried ice cream. The next day he told me he was in the barbershop bragging to the boys about “ish ya’ll ain’t up on yet”. It makes me feel good to know that I’ve made such a small but significant difference on someone’s life.
At the same time, it’s always comforting to know that you’ve met your equal.
For a goody goody like me, my equal is a white-collar dude, with tattoos, who likes to fight
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
sounds almost like my equal, give me someone who is well rounded …thats all
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Women want the same things in a man, though…
When you’re younger the physical matters a great deal more than the mental. It’s not that you’re not in search of someone who’s beautiful AND witty and intelligent, it’s just that if the physical attraction is there, you’ll sacrifice your need for discussing current events and sharing significant ideas and you’ll relegate them to activities/conversations you share with your girls. Unfortunately, you’ll probably also overlook comments like, “You went to college? Oh, you must be real smart huh?” LMAO!
Witty banter with a man is sexy to me. Especially quick wit. Not condescending, “I’m the smartest person in the world; I bet I know something you don’t know, and I can prove it” wit, but the kind that comes from the combination of being naturally quick witted and funny, and having a keen eye for humor, irony, and sarcasm in most things. I can’t stand a “Brainy Smurf”, but I love a man who can keep up with me and keep me on my toes, too!
One of the greatest loves of my life once told me, “I like you ’cause you can talk shit with me and laugh about it…” It struck me as odd then, that being my natural personality and all, but as I’ve aged, I see that trait is not as common in men and women as I once thought. When I meet someone who has “it” (even on a platonic, same-sex level), I feel so refreshed.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
A like mind is uber-refreshing!!!!
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I can’t see intelligence from across the room…so, yea, I’m all about looks, and I ain’t shamed to say. We only choose intelligence over looks when it’s convenient and/or happenstance.
I know many of you have had at least one person in your life whom you would’ve never even considered from the surface, but for some reason, they became attractive to you over time. Why? Something happened that got you to spend more time with them than you would have normally (e.g., maybe you happened to end up in the same project group or something), and you got to know them
by accident.As much as I’d like to believe that you all are shallowless people, I don’t. These unattractive persons with beaming personalities of whom you speak do not become a part of your world at your choosing. It just happens that way, and you settle for it, because you realize your priorities have changed.
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I’ve never been one to need for the attention of men, but I’ll be dammed if I can’t keep one. Seems my intellect is intimidating to the guys that we grow in NJ. I love conversation, debate and learning…and am often over looked for the simpler, dimmer types that don’t stretch, push or pull these men out of their comfort zone. Glad to hear there are men that appreciate brains over beauty. Now if I could only find one that likes both. Loved your post.
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Yo I’ll take intellgence over beauty anyday, but she still has to be a certain level of attractive to me. Seriously the finest looking chicks always seem to have MENTAL issues… I cant call it. Princess complexes, Daddy complexes, etc etc.
I need a woman who can think on my level. I dont want to dumb down my conversaton. I have an eloquent vocabulary, and if i feel i have to dumb it down, im out! If you dont know what FTW is, cool. If you ask me about Chinese ppl when I talk about Euthanasia, you lost
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niasmomma Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Chinese people = euthanasia TOO FUNNY!
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Raqi Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
“If you ask me about Chinese ppl when I talk about Euthanasia, you lost”
Have you read David Sedaris’s “Me Talk Pretty One Day”? If not, you should. He is hilarious, and as a child thought that Euthanasia meant Chinese children… lol
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My uncle used to tell me that “pretty woman and ugly woman gi di same trouble, so you mus faas wi di pretty one dem”. That hasn’t stopped me for falling for women with brains though. I sort of expect both at this point – physically good lookin chicks are a dime a dozen if you know where to look. Girls with intelligence and personality are much harder to find. And girls with both – well they are ultimate in my book.
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Ya know, as I’m perusing Facebook I’m noticing that a lot of chicks who used to only chase the pretty dudes or “extremely popular” are now engaged to regular or previously “subpar” characters. From the looks of it, most of these women are 25 and up. Interesting.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Yeah I have to be attracted to the person physically, yeah he could be super brainiac no higher, but if there is NO physical attraction or only some ol slighty lukewarm physicality there will be no happenings LOL
You want attraction + lintelligence + substance = winner
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niasmomma Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
I think once you reach a certain age/level/status in your life, being shallow is yet another symptom of the dreaded mental/developmental disorder, immaturity.
Having high expectations is one thing; I applaud having high standards and physical/intellectual requirements for prospective mates. Being shallow though? Being shallow is admitting you’re not interested in the intrinsic value of a person for whatever your reasons may be. Admitting that, then, is admitting you’re probably missing out on a lot in your quest for this narrow margin of women/men that satisfy your shallow desires.
Note: While smart, sexy men probably don’t mind just being eye candy/boy toys, smart, sexy women do mind. We can tell when you’re not much interested in what’s on our minds and, no matter how smart/sexy YOU might be, long term, it’s a turn off.
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Right NiasMommie,
It seems when you are that shallow, you dont really want a HUMAN person, lol
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RightCoastLexSteele, Deep as a Rock Glass Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Slim,
I studied this phenomenon a few years ago. I called it the “Safe D” theory. In every case, the female’s current boo did not fit her past profile. It seems as women get older they realize that the person that makes them hot probably makes 100 other women hot, and he has no problem cooling them off. So they *settle* for Mr. Safe D, the good hardworking man that has nothing better to do than worship the ground she walks on. More importantly she knows if she put it on him real good, he aint goin nowhere cuz that’s probably the best he ever had (and in some cases, all he’s ever had). So next time you see a chick you know with “that dude?!”, keep in mind that’s her safe D. It’s the same thing like picking colleges…and people rarely go to their dream school.
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Streetz: The Light Skinned Jesus Shuttlesworth Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
^^^
THis shyt right HERE?!!
Chuuuch.Tabernacle.Synagogue.Mosque. and TEMPLE!
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
lol..what..Nah..how about..a woman that doesnt judge a man based on what he has materially
I had that in my marriage…but I was miserable..
Material things are okay, but not the end all to be all
*shrugs*
to each his/her own
Settle my rear, I am a queen and dont want a man who thinks he is too good for me or any woman for that matter. I want us to worship eachother, not just one way or the other
and I want him to love me for me..and not because of my accomplishments
Shit..why you think all these 6 figure makers killing themsevles…they based their WHOLE EXISTENCE on what they have and how much they make
women divorcing husbands cause they lost their jobs
like WTF kinda crap is that
*smh*
again, to each his/her own
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Slim Jackson Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Eloquently stated RCLS. Eloquently stated.
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
yall funny
if we going after a guy w/money and status..we goldiggers..
if we NOT going after a man with status and money…we settling
OMG?!?!?!?!
REALLY?!?!?!
From what I get about RCLS..I think he wants a privileged girl. Someone who never had it rough and never will ..
Thats cool again, to each his/her own
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Terry Lang Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
I feel you True. There is no middle ground for Today’s Woman. We’re always one extreme or the other with these men.
I want a man with money and I’m not a gold digger. I just want someone who is not going to leech of off my success.
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RightCoastLexSteele, Deep as a Rock Glass Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
The safe D theory doesn’t really take material things into consideration. Like you said, 6 figure people can’t function w/out poppin pills and consulting their shrink so that doesn’t make them better or more desirable than the rest of the population. The theory is more about control and observing that some women tend to find and settle down with men that are more ‘manageable’ than the men they’ve dealt with who have either cheated on them repeatedly or given them some of that Brown family loving. So if you are with someone because you think they won’t hurt you, but deep inside you desire more or wish they were someone else, then yes, you are settling.
I don’t want a priviledged woman…especially if she’s used to being spoiled and has a sense of entitlement. I’d just make her cry for sport. I just need a reflection of me…someone who knows what’s it like to be broke and has no desire to ever be broke again, intellectual, hard working and is turned on by my random acts of violence. With a real business card and real hair. And if she ain’t never had it rough before, she will.
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Good post, Seattle. I think that what is more important than looks or intelligence is compatibility. I don’t really need a man to match me, I need a man to complement me. My feeling is that beauty can wax or wane, and that intelligence is not as easy to define as we think it is. You can be smart in some ways, and dumb in others.
Example: I’m good with words and writing. I write a lot for my job, and it’s always been my “thing”. Considering the AP and IB classes, private college on scholarship, etc. – I always thought of myself as being pretty smart, and most people agree with me.
Math and numbers….not so much. I was chilling with my man watching a ufc fight, and the announcer kept referring to the last 90 seconds in the round. Finally I say (because I’m annoyed) “Why does he keep referring to 90 seconds and there’s a whole minute and a half left on the clock?” Whoa nelly! My man – because he’s a good man – just patted me on the head. I almost didn’t hear him laughing.
As far as attraction is concerned, I think most of us fare a little better when understand what is truly attractive to us, not what the TV, King magazine and our friends think is attractive.
Anna “2+2? Where’s my calculator?” Nimous
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niasmomma Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Good point about being complements to each other, Anna. There’s nothing worse than having a battle of wits ALL the time because neither of you wants to be outdone intellectually by the other. Sometimes a joke is just a joke. Sometimes a keen observation is just that, nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes a random fact is just a random fact. Constantly having intellectual battles with your mate (or even your friends) can suck all the fun out of most anything.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
YES a man that accents and compliments you and you him. BEAUTIFUL….
I met one like that once, he was in a word, DASHING and you sure don’t come across that everyday
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I’m so glad that another brotha has come to this realization. I admit that I’m probably more picky of a girl’s intelligence than most (I’ll end a date quick if you look at me puzzled when I use ebb or inundate in a sentence) … but mental stimulation is so much better than visual.
I mean … can’t look at that ass through the phone. I’ve always said … Barbies are fun to play with … but at some point … you get bored.
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
SBM..My job blocked your site…ur site is WEBSENSED
i miss posting..I gotta get a laptop soon…maybe I’ll try from my phone
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I’m totally convinced I can have it all. I believe I’m the total package give or take a few personal preferences here and there. I’m convinced I will marry a man that is the same. Why? Because I happen to already know him.
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
what makes you the “complete package” ( not “coming at you, just curious to what you think that is)
Thats a good blog..what is the COMPLETE PACKAGE?
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Anna Nimous Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
I would say that the Complete Package is someone who you can put up with – who can also put up with you, lol!
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TRUE Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
LMAO!!!
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got you RCLS…
Sorry about the vomit…lol..
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umm.. unlike everyone else who post on this blog (sarcasm included), I am not the best looking guy in the world (and knows it thanks to Aja and the rest of my 7th grade class). Every chick I ever bag was off of personality or LOC reputation.
On behalf of all of the Mr Congenialitys, I must say… I don’t know how we do it. Since I love women, I find beauty in almost everything. But the ones that I can’t get Rocky Balboa for… lets just say a good conversation is not going to help me get to Fraggle Rock.
So I’m shocked when just being myself turns the Sahara Dessert into the Katrina. I don’t know how many times I thought to myself: “How did I get this one!!!” If you are below touchable before speaking, a great convo isn’t going to get Shananay (sp) into my bed and I don’t expect my intellect to get me into bed with Miss Jenkins (But I can dream… oo I can dream). It just moves you from one nighter to life partner.
I just can’t figure out why so many women think that they are perfect. Your not. Not even close. Why do you believe the lies that I tell you to make up for my bad looks? Unless you can deepthroat, can name every starter from the NYG SuperBowl team, measure 38-28-40, have an exotic look that sets you apart, agree that the first season of the Boondocks destroys the second season, squirt skittles when you arrive, have indian hair to your back, cook like you never heard of blood pressure and ride like Roxy Reynolds.. your not perfect.
and you gotta take it in the butt
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
And that’s just the Intro to Page 1 of his list!
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LMAO @ Cheekz…..dont get it twisted..some men think they are perfect too…
how you got a dunlap (your stomach done lapped over your belt) but you going on me about not having no azz (I have some azz now …dont know where it came from..oh wait…m&m’s and pepsi lol )
is roxy reynolds a pron star?
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CHeeKZ McFatty Reply:
May 20th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Yes.. Roxy is very talented with her ability to thigh muscles and hip control.
I would never mock a beauty such as yourself just for lacking a bump. It would be an honor to e-smash. But I had to correct some ladies who think cause they know who Drake is, had a crush on Penny Hardaway, got a B.A. in Women Studies, and are light skinned they are a perfect ten. Its more complicated than that………
and I am doing sitting ups to get rid of my beer gut! Stop teasing me Aja!
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LMAO @ Safety D…
Safety D can be crazy D too
or in other words a risk,
just like any other D…..
maybe in the womans mind taking that risk,
its a lesser risk, than say HAUTE Dashing D etc but still a risk none-the-less.
And aren’t the winnings always better when you take a chance on something that maybe a greater risk but its also a greater reward….
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*Fuming at
PlantationJob Computer Randomly Halting My Fun At ThreeWays During The Day*Alls I gotta say is that we’re human. We have preferences. If you have a cock-eye and a riveting mind, I wouldn’t be able to listen to your witty convo because I’ll be distracted by your damn eye. Also, if you’re dumb as rocks yet I can stare at you all day, well, that gets old. I’ll soon enough be staring another way when I get downtown where beautiful ninjas run amok.
Seriously, reading all these comments is making me extra heated and almost (almost) makes me wanna poke my bottom lip out…I need to find out what’s up with my job computer soon and why ThreeWays is the only blog in which it can’t find the server. Bollocks!
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So my new gig keeps me from accessing my own blog. Ain’t that some ish. Of course, I don’t have the energy to read all the comments, but I don’t need the finest dude on the block. I actually don’t want him cuz every chicken head on the street wants him. Personality and intelligence can make up for whatever he lacks in big burly chocolately manliness goodness.
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