Man, I Gotta Tell You Something
The world is getting smaller and that’s not just economist or technological talk. It’s evident in my everyday life. I’m running into folks that grew up around my way via Twitter (what up Streetz!). I see how closely affiliated I am with someone else based up Facebook’s suggestions of “People I May Know.” And I can communicate with the PGF while she’s over 8,000 miles away. All in all, technology is full of wonders, but it has its nightmares too. The same inventions that allow folks to get closer can bring them apart. It’s easier to find out information about people. Almost as easy as it is to pass it along to your friends and their friends. And it’s not just Wale’s new mixtape that may get distributed virally. It could be the skeletons in your closet.
New technology can make the ancient habit of gossip even easier. All it takes is one “Friend in Common” via Facebook to spark the following conversation:
Oh wow son, you know Alicia too?
Yeah, she went to school with me. How do you know her?
Met her a little while ago and we’ve been kickin it ever since.
Word? Well isn’t that a coincidence…
And that’s where things get real interesting. The digital age lets us have information at will, but question is – how do we use it? As Slim said to me once, it’s a question of “Justice over Mercy.” All of a sudden you’re at a crux – do you tell your boy the information that you know or do you let it rock? Do you tell him that his PGF or newly found girlfriend is not a nun, but just someone who specialized in the missionary position? And that’s only at the beginning of a relationship. What about if your friend has been dating a chick for awhile?
Folks in relationships slide off. That isn’t a question anymore. Those same people might know how to cover their dirty little tracks. Others on the other hand might find it a little hard now that the internet brings everyone a little closer. Who knows who’s friends of friends or who’s following who anymore? All it takes is one tagged photo or one nosey ass friend to pass along the word. So what happens when you find out your friend’s significant other is tricking off?
Furthermore is there a statue of limitations? For example if the couple has been together for awhile and you heard about her indiscretions from awhile ago, do you call it water under the bridge? What if the couple broke up? Do you tell your boy about the new shit you just heard about what his ex did to him? Damn this information, I think I have more questions with the more I learn.
Please excuse all the questions, but it’s time we sorted out some kind of protocol. I look forward to the conversation and adding some new rules to Seattle’s Guide to Friends & Women.
Seattle – I Don’t Know Anything About Anyone – Washington
28 Responses to “Man, I Gotta Tell You Something”
Comments
Read below or add a comment...
Leave A Comment...
-
- Help Us Grow! Subscribe!
I think it’s important to ask your “friend in common” about whatever the situation is that is in question.
I’m not relying on anyone else to tell me about him bc some people lie all the time…they don’t want to see a successful relationship.
Reply
I’d have to agree w/Ms. Sunshine. I believe its HIGHLY IMPORTANT to ask the common friend about any situation he/she may know about and then accurately judge from there. FROM THERE being the key words because your senses will (should) kick in if you think this person has done stuff too out of control for even you to handle, however, if any of you are like me, I know I wild the hell out in college (shout out to Seattle) so, I try not to judge too fast or too harsh. As long as it ain’t too crazy and multiple occasions…
Reply
“Folks in relationships slide off. That isn’t a question anymore.”
Reeeeeally? That’s a bold statement, Mr. Washington. Speak for yourself, some things are still sacred to a select few of us.
I Google everyone. Everyone from employers to coworkers to professors. It’s important to know where people have been in order to gauge where they are going. If I’m going to carry you in to the next part of my life, I have the right to know where you are going
and it better not be to jail.If I come to know about a friend’s boyfriend sliding off, I’ll either tell her or keep it to myself. If she seems like the type to do something constructive with what I’ve told her, like talk to her man (not scream on him), then I’ll tell her. They might even end up in a better place because they openly talked stuff out. But if I know she’s taking that D threeways to the weekend and won’t ever leave him, then it’s better left unsaid.
Reply
RightCoastLexSteele, 6 Figures and Rising Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 9:30 am
“Folks in relationships slide off. That isn’t a question anymore.”
“Reeeeeally? That’s a bold statement, Mr. Washington. Speak for yourself, some things are still sacred to a select few of us.”
Yea…and believe it or not….that whole Santa thing is just a story. Cold world.
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 9:31 am
“some things are still sacred to a select few of us.”
Relationships are sacred to me also… even if someone is just a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Reply
Peyso was blocked from 3 ways for 2 weeks Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 9:38 am
E-boo, trust that I’ve never e-cheated on u lol
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
I appreciate that.
Reply
ildolceamore Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Wait…
Reply
RightCoastLexSteele, 6 Figures and Rising Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Uh oh…E-boo beef! LOL! Maybe someone should have clued you in about Peyso’s past e-boos!
Reply
Rox Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 9:46 am
“If I come to know about a friend’s boyfriend sliding off, I’ll either tell her or keep it to myself. If she seems like the type to do something constructive with what I’ve told her, like talk to her man (not scream on him), then I’ll tell her. They might even end up in a better place because they openly talked stuff out. But if I know she’s taking that D threeways to the weekend and won’t ever leave him, then it’s better left unsaid.”
Exaaaaaaaactly.
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Dear ildolceamore and Ms. Sunshine, I should’ve been more meticulous when writing that statement. I did not say ALL people slide off, I said people do. Meaning some. And Steve McNair is proof of that.
That doesn’t mean I approve or indulge. Washington out.
Reply
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Got u.
Reply
CHeeKZ doesn't have a facebook account..why snitch on yourself? Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 10:41 am
“But if I know she’s taking that D threeways to the weekend and won’t ever leave him, then it’s better left unsaid.”
This is why girls make bad freinds. The worst freind I have ever seen.
Reply
If my friend has questions about our common friend, then I might be inclined to answer, but I’m not offering up information. The demise of a relationship shall not rest on these shoulders [dusts shoulders off]
Reply
I love this post, but I thought the answer to this question would be obvious. You tell your boys EVERYTHING. If you bust early, if you get burnt by an STD, if you get dumped. There are no secrets you keep from your boys (with rare pillow talk exceptions. ie your girl reveals that she was molested as a child or maybe a family member has AIDS. That’s not really related to you so you can keep those secrets). But all other cases, if you are keeping a secret from your boys you are only hurting yourself. You are either too embarassed to say something or messed up yourself.
Now the second part of the conversation poses an interesting question?! I have said before “your whore title only last as long as your are surrounded by the people who have turned you out”. Some girls who I have known to be jumps would have made great wifeys, but they wanted to experiement. So I can’t look at the men that wife a girl, without knowing their past. And I can’t get mad at the girl for hiding it. But when dudes finds out you use to conduct the Q Train, and not the one with limited service on weekends, he has every right to beat her ass and make Chris Brown look like a Teletubby. He was lied to.
Reply
Peyso was blocked from 3 ways for 2 weeks Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 9:41 am
“your whore title only last as long as your are surrounded by the people who have turned you out”.
Greatest sh!t ever written. I know some chicks that will make great wifeys, after they move to another state, change their names, delete facebook and go undercover for a good two years
Reply
S Dub Whats good!
Knowledge is power, how you choose to wield it determines your success in this game. I always check a chicks background, I’m always watching, and I always look out for certain red herrings that tell me that there’s shadiness afoot.
It’s better 2 know things upfront then to be surprised. If I know a dudes chick did XYZ and he asks me, yup Im tellin because I would want the same in return. Let me make whatever decision I have to make with that knowledge
Also, knowing how people operate, especially in this digital age, helps to give you an idea about their character and will help you in certain situations that you may face.
Stay in the know or become a no-body
Reply
“Furthermore is there a statue of limitations? For example if the couple has been together for awhile and you heard about her indiscretions from awhile ago, do you call it water under the bridge? What if the couple broke up? Do you tell your boy about the new shit you just heard about what his ex did to him?”
All very interesting questions Portland. This raises a lot of if/then scenarios. For example, I think this type of information should only be passed amongst best friends or really good friends. If I know you through a friend of a friend of a friend whose friend cops from the dude my boy gets his re-up from, then I might not be so inclined to take it as a credible source. (Although, usually where there is smoke, there is fire.) If I’m the only one with the info, I could pass it on to his friend to tell him, but then you start playing a game of telephone, and we all know hearsay is not admissible in court.
Statute of limitations-this is all dependent on whether said wifey of your friend made a few bad decisions in college versus her having the same tendencies to repeat offend. Once again, very tricky scenario, so consult your local Cocksman chapter and they’ll advise you how to navigate the situation.
New sh*t post breakup – I’m a prick, so I’ll probably take great joy in nailing this broad’s coffin shut. 9 times out of 10 when your boy breaks up w/ a chick, she’s Public Enemy #1. Or maybe that’s just my prickness talkin. But once it’s a wrap, make sure he doesnt make the same mistake twice.
This whole thing actually happened to a couple friends of mine last week. One friend had this chick he was talking to that I guess unbeknowst to him had been friendly with my neo, his LB, my other neo and my 4. So he asked my other friend if he knew anything about her cuz she was getting aggressive trying to get wifed up. My other friend knew the deal, but decided that since he didnt have any occular proof of her indiscretions and it was a while ago, he’d just play down what he knew and advised him to wipe her slate clean, see where things went and let her rock. Later on, either that night or later that week, they all went out for drinks, and just happened to bump into the same chick that wanted my boy to wife her up with her BOYFRIEND, hand in hand. So uh….yea.
Reply
CHeeKZ doesn't have a facebook account..why snitch on yourself? Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Spoken like a true Cocksmans.
I had a friend that help himself to my former. This descretion was kept from me. Only making the situation worst when a another freind accidently revealed it to me years later. Accidently? Shouldn’t you have told me straight up dog?! I wish I had a dude like Lex in my life, no homo..yes friendo. Its not that I needed the door closed, but instead of just thinking off an ex as a manipulative bitch. I could think of her as a whoring manipulative selfish bitch. See my point?
And what is with all this talk of forgiving people for what they did in college? Are you kidding me?! Where you jumped off and who you jumped off for doesn’t matter (although I do want to know the details) if you did it, live with it… or don’t be on facebook.
Reply
Wow I think men are slow on the uptake. I honestly think that men are bigger gossips than women. I’ve had much more salt thrown in my game by men than women.
That being said, women are the masters when it comes to reconnoissance and we’ve been connecting the digital dots since Black Planet.
I remember one of my girls was talking loosely with this greek dude from NYC on BP and then we noticed he was friends with a dude from the same org at our school and then we found out he has asked about her and was making plans to maybe pop up at a party. She got shook cause she has said all type of looseness and she soon learned the dangers of making false promises on the internet LOL.
Coincidentally the same friend found out through BP that this guy she was dating was in fact 8 yrs older than he said he was, was not in grad school but was an undergrad taking cross-listed courses and he had a wife and 3 kids. She sent out a mass alert to every woman on campus and I felt that was warranted. He needed to be put on blast.
It is a small world after all and people need to stop thinking their slicker than slick. Example… my sister’s connect turned out to be the LB of my best friend’s LS’s boyfriend. He was also the roommate of a friend from college’s fiance, and the brother of my boy’s wife’s college roommate. Also friend from college was here staying with some friends who were in Semester at Sea with him and it turned out he was staying with this same guy because his friends were this dude’s neos. All of that might sound confusing but pretty much all roads lead back to dude. Funnier part is I’ve never met him. But I sure as hell know who he is.
I think honesty is the best policy. I’ve never had to e-stalk someone. Any dirt I’ve ever needed to know about someone, it always finds it’s way to me. Women have a network that is vast. This past weekend I got a phone call letting me know that an ex was in town the same weekend I was. I never asked for that info but it showed up on my Blkbry.
FB dry snitches on ppl every day. We (meaning women) notice that you’ve commented on 8 of that one chick’s pictures in the last week and that she’s who you’re trying to get with. We noticed that one chick who manages to comment on every picture you post and every comment you right and we know that’s our competition for your affections.
Over the years I’ve had knowledge of plenty of secret relationships or indescressions and I’ve had to judge those on a case by case basis. I found out my besty’s ex had creeped w/ a friend of mine while they were still kicking it. I knew it would crush her at the time I found out so I held on to that one for a few years. When he came sniffing around again and she was feeling guilty about keeping him at a distance, then I told her. It wasn’t about setting him up it was about reassuring her to trust her instincts.
I have an ex who has repeated cheated on his girl. She’s not at all my friend but we have numerous mutual acquaintances. Since my friends consider her an acquaintance we’re all keeping our mouths shut. We think it’s triflin and he’s making a fool out of her and if it was me I would want to know and would kill him dead, but I also think if she wanted to know there are clear signs and she can connect the dots on her own if she wants to.
Reply
Black and Trapped in Toronto Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
“but I also think if she wanted to know there are clear signs and she can connect the dots on her own if she wants to.”
Amen!
Reply
Streetz: Mr Write Now Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
***GUNSHOTS***
Ms Chery just shut the board down. Wow… like…wow
So that Greek dude from NYC…lmaoooo
hahaaha!
Reply
ASmith Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Somebody give this woman a medal, an MJ collector’s t-shirt and glove AND a signed football from the late Steve McNair. DONE AND DONE.
Studies are showing that women creep better than men bc we know how not to get caught. Men talk TOO MUCH and are damn gossips (but like to put that off on women). The difference, actually, is why men gossip vs why women gossip and how that gets you caught up. Most of the time, men are telling business about themselves and their friends instead of 3rd parties… no wonder that mess will come back on you faster than a herpes flare up.
Meanwhile, and the “validity” of facebook has gotten mad shade (whoa, did I just say that?) on this blog, it has become quite the tool for anyone who has any remote interest in knowing what’s really good. I’m regularly amazed at what disappointing trails people leave on facebook. HELLO! We can see it when you have a drawn out conversation on facebook, and we can see when you make it a point to comment on every new picture. If there’s one thing facebook ought to be teaching people, it’s to get their game tight and get it right because it IS a small world and you will ALWAYS be surprised by who knows whom. Actually, in line with what Ms. Cherry said, all facebook has done is illuminate (and enhance) the vast network women were already using.
Reply
Vanessa aka Miss V Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
so true… FB is a useful tool. i just found out that one of the dudes that tried to holla at me the other night is in a relationship… busted! it was a coincidence how i stumbled upon his profile, too.
Reply
First off..
“Do you tell him that his PGF or newly found girlfriend is not a nun, but just someone who specialized in the missionary position?”
two shots inna di air for that…clever Mr.Washington verrrrryyy clever.
Ok…I dont think anyone should get theirself involved in any one’s relationship unless they invite you to do a 3some. Even then you are not obligated to join in right? And i mean this sexually and applied to the post topic…when you divulge any “inside scoop” that makes you a party to the whole conflict…when the confrontation happens your name may be brought up. Plus if you gotta lean on someone’s elses shoulder to tell you whats up with your SO..you shouldn’t be in that relationship puuriod…I dont want someone who is going to front about their sexual scrolls.
I think folks have to stop relying on non-existent reference libraries to get the 411 on their SO’s and really start using common sense.
and not to gass him up but I agree w Washington..infidelity is almost inevitable in relationships and in a way healthy…until they make tracking devices mandatory 4 humans then you really dont know..or do you?
I’m done…lunch time?
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Meh, while I appreciate the shout out I was just trying to say that folks do slide off. Not all, some. Maybe I’m chasing a Unicorn while riding Santa’s Sleigh and still believing in the Tooth Fairy, but I’ve got to believe some folks are still faithful in their relationships. Right? Right? Crickets…
Reply
Black and Trapped in Toronto Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
ok I’ll give a little say not all relationships consist of creeping…but it happens and it also depends on a person’s def on cheating too..which is prolly a whole nother blog post… :S
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Oh yeah, good looks on the compliment B&TT!
Reply